TRAppED
by mjaw
Summary: Oh, just a little view of what might happen if you trap the Slayer and a certain bleached vamp in a room together, in season4... Oh yes, this is a Spuffy one. Slightly AU. Hope you'll find it nothing but satisfactory!
1. About to be Run Over

The setting is S4. Picking up after Doomed.  
  
This story is about what happens when two warriors, from different countries (actually worlds) (still not really...) (I mean, you could dig further into that, but that is not why we're here), with different backgrounds, views of life, means of survival, sides of the battlefield, rules and regulations (or lack there of), tolerance and self-control boundaries (or lack there of) and completely mutual hatred of one another gets locked into - with a little help from my friend the Brain and her descendants, the Two Hands with their family of ten, The Finger Sisters - a completely innocent and yet extremely boring, dusty, dark and dank basement...  
  
How will they cope with being stuck in the same room with one another, though they can barely stand the sight of the other?  
  
What evil forces are plotting against them this time?  
  
But, most importantly, What Ever Will The Two Enemies Think Of To Kill Off Some Of The Pastime?  
  
Will the strain be too much for our death-defying duo (although one half of that duo has no real reason to actually try to defy death)? Will the strain lead to the killing of one of them (literally, since one is already rather...dead)? Well, okay, so the killing of one of them, the horrific dusting of the other? Will they drive each other insane?!  
  
The answers you seek just may be revealed below...or they may not!  
  
If you want to know more, oh, worthy reader - please do not refrain from telling it by clickingthereviewgobuttonatthebottomofthepage once you have finished with the first (and I'm sad to say if you do not clickthereviewbuttonatthebottomofthepage ONLY) chapter. Thank you.  
  
Now...switch off the lights...lean back in your comfortable and expensive or uncomfortable and shamelessly cheap chair...close your eyes...no, WAIT! Don't do that, sorry. Getting carried away here. Where was I? *don't mind my confused re-reading of what I just wrote* Ah, yesssss... prepare! Prepare to be swept away and into the land of possibilities. The land of Imagination, where anything is bound to happen and everything always does. Let your heart beat in sync with mine, dear reader, and let us... EXPLORE!  
  
(In extremely pitched and fast-forwarded text I write this) All rights to Joss Whedon and Crew. I do not own, nor do I claim to own, any of the characters of BtVS - however, if I DID own them I sure as heck wouldn't put them through what current management IS! And...  
  
...will contain spoilers for S4 - but who don't have a small idea of what happens in that season anyways, right?  
  
Now, let me rinse your mind in the everlasting balm of SPUFFY!  
  
A.M.L, the Narrator.  
  
*************************************TrAPPeD********************************  
  
One: About to be Run Over  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-03-06/08  
  
****************************************************************************  
  
She had really crossed the line this time. She had noticed that line out of the corner of her eye, she had turned her head and SEEN it and she might've even acknowledged it. However, none of those very eligible reasons NOT to cross it had stopped her in the slightest from trampling all over it, trying to wipe it away with her booted feet and by doing so spitting him right in the face.  
  
It was for the last bloody time; that was for bloody sure! He'd bleeding well see to that! Somehow she was living on borrowed time as of this moment. He WOULD kill her before the week was over.  
  
This was the last straw, the final blow, the end of that line.  
  
***  
  
"Oh, hi Buffy," Willow greeted as her friend took a seat next to her on the couch in the relax lounge of SCU.  
  
"Hi," the Slayer replied with an unusually sunny smile, reaching for a magazine and flipping it open on her lap as she sat back.  
  
"Okay, let me guess," Willow said, observing the blonde closely. "You just read the menu for today and it says we're having Hot Fudge Sundays for dessert!"  
  
Buffy gave her a look saying as-if-that-would-EVER-happen and Willow went back to thinking for a moment, then she said:  
  
"I've GOT it! You talked to Giles and he said that the demons have all gone on vacation for the weekend and so you're free as a bird 'til Monday!"  
  
At that Buffy smiled even wider, shaking her head and waiting for the next suggestion.  
  
"Okay," the redhead said with a knowing expression, "then it has got to have something to do with Riley."  
  
"Oh, I wish," Buffy replied. "But...no."  
  
"Fine. I'm fresh outta witty and clever ideas. Please, do tell."  
  
"Well, actually it has everything to do with," Buffy paused for dramatic effect, and then she finished: "Spike."  
  
"Spike?!" Willow practically exclaimed. "You mean the bleached, fang-gang loving, blood-drinking, Big Bad, Master Vampire Spike?"  
  
Buffy almost giggled, then nodded.  
  
"You mean the fiend you loathe who's currently stuck in Xander's basement eating cracker-jacks and watching TV all day Spike?" Willow wondered incredulously and Buffy nodded again, still having a grin plastered on her face. "Oh, Buffy... What did you do to him? Chain him upside down to the wall?" Willow now inquired and the Slayer laughed, shaking her head.  
  
"No. But THAT was food for thought, Wills," she then answered, sighing. "No, I didn't do anything really. I went there looking for deary old Xander and had a little run-in with good old Spike instead... It's all a blur, really... but the funny part is, is that I managed to piss him off to the extreme. He almost followed me through the door and right into the sunlight 'cause he was so mad! Isn't that just too funny? A suicidal vampire. God, he's so pathetic you almost wanna feel sorry for him. Then again..." she smirked, getting to her feet.  
  
"What DID you say?" Willow asked, doing as her friend and rising as well.  
  
"Something about Drusilla," Buffy shrugged. "And Angelus. And that Spike shouldn't kid himself, he'll never be half the vampire Angelus was... And he won't EVER be the man Angel was... So, no matter what he tries it's a lose-lose situation on his part and he'd just do best at taking a dive. Preferably headfirst into something pointy. I mean, he never listens when I talk, but this time he did and BOY, was it fun. I'm gonna live on this for the rest of the day."  
  
Willow almost stared at her.  
  
"Don't you think you're being just a little hard on him? I mean... it was only two days ago that he..."  
  
The redhead's eyes grew slightly as she realized, by the sudden, evilly mischievous look on the Slayer's face, that Willow's little anecdote of how Spike had recently decided to find his own solution to getting out of his state of shackles had been the reason for the encouragement on the petite blonde's part.  
  
"Buffy!" Willow practically gasped. "Drusilla just up and left him and... I dunno, he might be feeling really bad. He might actually REALLY listen to you. As in taking it seriously," she then added carefully and Buffy let out another laugh, shaking her head.  
  
"Will, you're just too sweet. If Spike chooses to take my advice then he'll just save me the trouble of actually pushing a stake through his chest myself. And he won't have to suffer the utter degradation of having me kill him - he hates me, he's wanted to kill me for years and I him, imagine how humiliating when I beat him in our common task. So, in conclusion, we have the opposite of a lose-lose situation. I like to refer to it as a win-win. Spike - dead. Slayage - unnecessary. Big Bad - gone. Fretting - done. It couldn't get any better," Buffy finished and Willow blinked.  
  
"You fret over Spike?" she asked and the Slayer's eyes grew slightly before she smiled again, this time dismissively.  
  
"Perhaps I didn't phrase it the way I should've," she grumbled. "I'm just saying - he's powerful. Having him loose on the streets, having him running around in our HOMES, isn't the best idea. We'd all be better off if he just decided to...make himself disappear."  
  
"Yeah, like Houdini, in a cloud of smoke," Willow pointed out wryly and Buffy smirked.  
  
"Yeah, that goes 'poof'," she nodded and Willow smiled as well.  
  
"Seriously though... You think he's still a threat?" the apprentice Wicca asked as they hooked elbows and started to walk toward the lecture room of their next class.  
  
"I don't think, Wills, I KNOW he's still a very large threat," Buffy stated matter-of-factly. "Haven't you seen that look on him? That oh-I'm-scheming- try-to-stop-me? He's so sad," she added, shaking her head as an underlining of what she had just said.  
  
"Why?" Willow asked.  
  
"Why he's sad?" Buffy asked back, surprised; and then she huffed. "Because he's trying to be something he can't be. It just makes me shudder how much that creature needs to be bad. It's like it's what makes him tick, and that ticks me off. He's just the most disgusting...thing I've ever met. Seriously, Wills. Just take a closer look at him and you'll see how black his nature really is. You can see it on him."  
  
"You've been looking closely at him?" Willow wondered, curious now and Buffy laughed again.  
  
"You don't have to look THAT close to notice it," she replied. "I dunno. Maybe it's the Slayer in me. He just puts me on alert. You never really know with Spike... Someday I'm sure he'll just snap on me, and that day I know I'll be ready."  
  
"Right," Willow said. "Unless he drops headfirst onto something pointy before then," she added and Buffy nodded, seriously.  
  
"Oh yes, unless that," she confirmed.  
  
***  
  
He watched her as she entered Giles' flat.  
  
It was close to eight in the evening.  
  
Soon, he was more than certain, she'd emerge to go on her patrol. And then he'd be there. With the anger still boiling and the need to see her blood stain his hands still fresh in his chest. It would be greater than the pain he knew he'd suffer from whatever was wrong with his bleeding skull. He'd actually relish in that pain - hoping it wouldn't succeed what she would be feeling.  
  
"Come on, love," he whispered. "Come on."  
  
And after a while of inpatient waiting - there she was. He shrunk back slightly against the wall as she began to walk toward the sidewalk. Then she froze, stopped and twirled around. Game over. Bloody hell.  
  
"Wonderful," she muttered as he stepped out of the shadows. "I thought I smelled a dog buried for ten days and then dug up for my smelling pleasure," she added, crossing her arms over her chest in that goodie-two- shoes-I'm-better-than-you way that made him want to bend them open again, just to spite the gesture. "What the hell are you doing here, Spike?"  
  
"Would you believe it if I said I was just about to rebury that dog you just spoke of?" he asked, cocking one eyebrow and bringing out his pack of smokes.  
  
She merely eyed him and he sighed.  
  
"Aw, come on. What 'd you think? I'm out to have me some fun with the Slayer? Maim you, behead you, cut your throat open with a very dull knife?" he asked, slipping a cigarette out and putting it in the corner of his mouth as he brought out his silver lighter and opened the top, creating a flame.  
  
She was still just glaring at him warningly and he smirked suddenly.  
  
"Shoulda skipped the visual then, pet?" he asked now and her eyes grew colder.  
  
Putting the flame by the tip of the fag he drew a deep breath and the glow of the filter was warm in the chilly evening air. Flipping the lighter closed he retrieved it into one of the pockets of his black leather duster and then he took a step forward.  
  
"You're never somewhere just to be there," she stated, her gaze growing suspicious and he damned his misfortune.  
  
The anger wasn't even as overwhelming anymore, and that fact made him furious. What was it about her? Why couldn't he kill her? Why?! He would! He would. Just not tonight. Not when she knew something was up. He'd fight her to her death, but not tonight... No. Just not tonight.  
  
"Exactly WHAT are you doing skulking around in the shadows?" she demanded, her voice letting him know just how much she was expecting an answer.  
  
"What am I doing skulking in the bloody shadows?" he repeated her question, positioning the cigarette between the index finger and middle finger of his left hand before he removed it from his mouth, blowing the smoke out as he tried to come up with a good enough excuse. "Well, I'll tell you," he added, to win some time.  
  
Buffy stared at him, waiting and not buying for a second that he was going to tell her the truth.  
  
"I wanted to see if...Xander...was here," he finally said and her eyes grew disbelieving. "Yeah," Spike continued. "'Cause I needed to...ask-TELL him to get some more bloody...blood. 'Cause I finished the last and I want more."  
  
Buffy blinked.  
  
"That must be the lamest lie you've EVER thrown in my face," she stated and he wished he could hit himself. Or better yet - her. "What's the matter? Still shaken up from the little talk we had earlier?" she suddenly taunted and his eyes grew hard as stone. "Beginning to realize there was some truth behind my words after all?"  
  
"You'd do best at keeping your mouth shut right about now," he almost growled, though his voice was lowered dangerously and she could practically see the spirit of the wolf surround him as his eyes turned predatory.  
  
She was unimpressed. Cocking an eyebrow she smiled sweetly.  
  
"Or you'll what? Threaten me to death?" she asked. "Sorry, Spikey," she added, turning from him and letting her arms fall along her sides as she began to walk away, "but you just don't scare me enough for that approach to work."  
  
He clenched his jaws together.  
  
He wanted to twist her neck. Hear that satisfying crackle as the bones broke. Feel the heaviness of her head as it was unsupported by joints and life. Listen to her still heart. Have her be utterly, irreversibly dead.  
  
Soon enough, he thought to himself, throwing the cigarette away from him as he began to trail her steps.  
  
Knowing that she knew he was there, and knowing that she knew that he knew that she knew he was there - keeping his distance.  
  
Buffy wondered what he could possibly be up to now. There seemed to be an air of need of revenge around him this evening. She had never thought anything she could ever say to him would get to him the way what she had said to him earlier that day obviously had. She couldn't help but feel a small rush at that fact. He was always the one throwing annoying, mind- twisting and more often than she would've liked accurate observings into her face. This time she had been the one to do it, and it had actually affected him to the brink of having a thirst for her blood.  
  
Oh, it was extremely readable on him just how much he itched to take his fury out on her. But she really wasn't very concerned. Because - he couldn't. Whatever had stripped him of his ability to attack another creature, it was a blessing. She only wished the twitch of anxiety in her chest would go away whenever she thought of what might happen when he got back to his old self again...  
  
Sure, she had been joking about it with Willow, but the truth was he was strong. He was REALLY strong. And facing him had always been... something out of the ordinary. Their strength lay on such fine lines next to each other that no one ever really had the upper hand. They just...fought.  
  
And now he was following her. This seemed to be turning into an interesting evening.  
  
She crossed the street and headed into the fourth cemetery of Sunnydale. Fighting a fledgeling as she went she dusted it easily. This wasn't her real stop, and once she was done she continued on her way. Through the cemetery, a few blocks of a friendly looking neighborhood and then across yet another street.  
  
His presence was close to haunting. It reminded her of his Big Bad days. It reminded her of Angelus.  
  
She stopped.  
  
She knew he had as well.  
  
"Could you PLEASE go away?" she asked the air before her and then she sensed he was right behind her.  
  
It was confirmed as his voice sounded.  
  
"You askin' me nicely?"  
  
She moaned tiredly, turning around to face him.  
  
"It's not gonna happen," she said and he let his scarred eyebrow rise a notch in question. "Whatever it is you're planning, whatever way you've thought up to get rid of me - it's not gonna happen," she elaborated. "I don't have the time tonight."  
  
"You know," he said, shaking his head at her, "it's that attitude that just makes me not wanna get you anywhere. That wave-of-a-hand, we'll-do-it-at-my- sodding-convenience attitude. It's such a..." he trailed off, not finding a word good enough as he stared into those incredibly irritating green eyes of hers, that fearlessly stared back at him.  
  
"If you can't finish sentences, Spike," she said now, "don't start them."  
  
"You're buggering unbelievable!" he near enough exclaimed and she smirked.  
  
"Thanks, but I hear that all the time," she replied dryly and he narrowed his eyes with the anger once more twisting and twirling around his heart.  
  
"I bloody HATE you!" he stated and she blinked.  
  
"I'm shocked," she shot sarcastically. "Would you be the same if I replied with: right back at ya? Except for the 'bloody', of course," she added and he wanted to grab her, lift her over his head and throw her clear cross the city. "Now, go back to Xander's place, let me do the Slayer thing, and let's never see each other ever again. Sound like a deal?"  
  
She turned from him again and he almost did grab her arm, but the thought which got him as far as making his arm move sent a splinter of pain up the back of his head and he closed his eyes in annoyance.  
  
He stood on the same spot for quite some time, then he moved, once more in the same direction as her.  
  
Buffy looked up at the house towering over her. It was dark in every window. Of course. It was old and looked in good need of a wrecking-ball's gentle destruction. The paint was almost entirely gone and the boards were a light gray with ageing of weather and wind. It was two stories high, had a small porch to which five steps lead and the windows were thin and tall, greeting her with toothless mouths seemingly grinning at her.  
  
Drawing a small breath she walked up the stairs and grabbed the doorknob. It was locked and she unceremoniously took a step back and kicked the thing off its hinges.  
  
A low whistle was heard behind her and she turned around.  
  
"Blimey," Spike muttered. "Ever heard of ringing the sodding bell?"  
  
"No, mister Proper," she replied, adding: "What do you think you're doing?" when he moved as to follow her when she stepped through the doorframe.  
  
"Oh, right," he nodded, watching her as she turned to him in the small hall. "Invite me in."  
  
She gave him a look and he tilted his head to one side.  
  
"It ain't like I'm gonna come back here and kill the lot," he remarked and she blinked at the mere thought.  
  
Then she smiled with little enthusiasm.  
  
"Wish you would. It's supposed to be a nest," she replied and his eyebrows rose.  
  
"So, invite me in."  
  
"Will it make you go away?" she asked and he smirked.  
  
"Eventually," he promised and she rolled her eyes at him.  
  
"Come in," she murmured, turning her head to look down the darkened hallway leading up to a set of stairs before her.  
  
To the right of it seemed to be the entrance to a kitchen and to the left the doorway leading into what she assumed must be the family room.  
  
"I don't know why I'm bothering," she sighed, glancing at him over her shoulder. "It's not like you're gonna help me in a fight anyways."  
  
"You know, I'm actually growing fond of killing... No wait, watch you fight and hopefully die - good. Right. So...where are the nasties at? Hello?!" he yelled and she turned around and gave him a good punch in the nose.  
  
"Shut the hell up," she hissed and he held one hand to his aching facial part as a wide smirk spread on his face. "God, you're sick," she grumbled, turning from him and walking ahead up to the stairs.  
  
Looking up toward the second floor she frowned. No tingles. Well, no NEW Slayer tingles since she already felt the tingle from Spike all over.  
  
"You're disturbing my concentration," she complained, turning around again and finding him right behind her as he had been gazing up in the same manner she had been.  
  
He turned his head and looked down at her, meeting her gaze he felt a small twirl somewhere in the pit of his stomach and then it vanished as she pushed him to take a step back.  
  
"Am I now?" he teased and her eyes grew a little before they narrowed.  
  
"Get a grip," she replied. "That wasn't what I meant."  
  
"What? I didn't say anything," he defended innocently and she gave him a look which had him smile widely.  
  
"Fine, I'll go up there, you go down into the basement. Maybe with some walls between us you won't be sucha distraction," she instructed and when he opened his mouth to say something to that she raised one index finger and cut him off with a: "Don't even think it. Yell if you find something."  
  
He nodded, watching her climb the frail staircase carefully and then he turned and quickly found the door leading into the basement positioned right inside and to the left of that of the kitchen.  
  
He trotted down the stairs, waited a few more seconds and then called:  
  
"Slayer! Slayer, you'd bloody well hurry!"  
  
Buffy rushed back down the stairs, jumped the last few steps and threw open the door to the basement before descending those stairs as well. Once she reached the floor she felt a small wave of heat swirl around her ankles, but paid no more heed as the vampire faced her with a devilish grin on his face.  
  
She bit her jaws together. He had just wanted to make her dance by his pipe. Control-freak that he was of course he couldn't resist.  
  
"I could kill you," she stated and he chuckled.  
  
"Little ole defenseless me?" he asked, putting his arms out to the sides and tilting his head to one side as well, questioningly.  
  
"So there's nothing?" she asked and he shrugged, arms dropping to his sides again.  
  
"Guess not," he replied as he looked around.  
  
"I couldn't see anything upstairs either... This house is empty," she stated, growing thoughtful.  
  
"Wow, now, do they teach you Slayers to actually THINK like that?" he asked, mockingly, before adding: "Or does it just come au natural."  
  
"Oh, don't get into big words, Spike. You might melt your brain," she retorted and he grinned.  
  
"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" he asked. "Almost as much as you like the fact that I'm helpless. You like your men that way, don't you? Needy. Depending. Vulnerable."  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked back, anger in her voice and he almost wanted to gleefully rub his hands together at the prospect of getting under her skin.  
  
Some sort of payback for what she had said to him earlier just might still be his.  
  
"Angel was the puppy-dog-eyed, I'm-in-so-much-pain type. The one that makes little girls like you just swoon right and left," he stated, his voice carrying an edge he hoped would more than brush against her. "He needed you. He depended on your love. He was vulnerable and huuuuman, but then again he wasn't. Which brings us to bloke number two. Soldier boy. Human as hell - if that's an analogy you wanna go with - but still with a little...twist. Why did you turn to him, Slayer? Why did you seek out a human this time? Scared of getting hurt again, like last time? Hoping that not only changing lanes, but actually what kinda car you're driving just might send you on your merry way? Let me tell you something." He took a step forward, his blue eyes glinting in the pale moonlight falling in through the boards narrowly nailed over the small windows of the room. "It. Doesn't. Help. Love is love, no matter what side you're routing for. You can take on the stronger form, pet. The Slayer and her protection of her Innocent, her boyfriend. But what it boils down to is this: it really doesn't make a difference whether your lover is depending on you or not. 'Cause at the end of the day all it takes is a split second, one mistake, a bad choice or the choice he makes to leave you and love has hurt you all over again. You're blind as a bloody bat if you can't see that. There's no salvation, no safe route. Just a blindfold and your hands on the bloody wheel."  
  
He finished, looking into her eyes and noticing how contradicting emotions was flowing through them. How the strongest one pushed the others away and how she straightened her posture before she sarcastically asked:  
  
"I'm sorry, did you just SAY something? I'm leaving," she added.  
  
As she turned around he watched her when she took two steps forward, about to put her foot on the first step of the stairs she stopped.  
  
For another ten or fifteen seconds she seemed to be struggling with something and he wondered if it was the need to ram a stake through his chest or just the fact that what he had just said began to actually sink in.  
  
Then she shook her head slowly, turning to him and blinking before she said:  
  
"I can't."  
  
"Can't what?" he replied, watching as her eyes grew slightly wider and then she answered:  
  
"I can't go up the stairs, out the front door, away from this house and YOU! I can't move another inch passed this point. I'm stuck."  
  
He stared at her, then took the paces between them and was about to do what she had just tried to, feeling a small warmth as a wall before him and he closed his eyes.  
  
"Oh, bloody hell," he grumbled. "WE'RE stuck."  
  
They stared at each other in growing panic.  
  
This was a truckload of bad roaring in to hit them both dead on, and it seemed none of them could do anything to avert it. 


	2. My Kinda Treasure

***********************************TrAPPeD**********************************  
  
Two: My Kinda Treasure  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-03-11  
  
****************************************************************************  
  
Buffy tore her gaze from his and let her own dart around the room instead.  
  
It was fairly small, not that much bigger than her own basement. All the walls were clean of shelves except for the one facing the stairs, where a large and tattered old bookcase was the tired proprietor of half a dozen paint buckets - all with lids; what looked like boxes - there was three of them - filled with nails and shabby tools; a collection of flasks and bottles - which appeared to be empty from the few feet away that the Slayer was standing, and on the last shelf lay a bundle of blankets.  
  
Wonderful.  
  
They could, should the spirit set in, repaint the room; play handymen; count the blessings of having nothing to drink, or have a sleepover!  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes to the ceiling. Shaking her head as she closed them and crossed her arms over her chest. Okay, she couldn't give up that easily. So she opened her eyes once more and turned around to keep the inspection up.  
  
Oh, yes. Of the dust and the dirt, and the complete lack of any sense that someone might get locked in here that the previous owners certainly must have entertained. There was nothing! Well, except... Buffy walked passed Spike and up to the large white refrigerator box which stood tucked behind the stairs.  
  
Spike watched her, cocking an eyebrow as he caught a whiff of that everlasting optimism assuring her that she WOULD find her way out of whatever jam she was in, that she WOULD get to play miss Fix-It all over again. Seeing where she was headed made him feel a twitch of annoyance at the outlook that she actually might get to do just that.  
  
Getting out his smokes he deprived the box of one with used fingers, put it between his lips and brought his lighter out when a small hand grasped the cigarette and pulled it away, dropped it to the floor and then there was the heel of a boot crashing down on it, twisting and crushing it with no apparent thought as to what he might have to say about that.  
  
His blue eyes flashed with anger as he looked up and met her green ones.  
  
"What the bloody hell?!" he growled and she glared back.  
  
"I don't know how long we're gonna be down here," she stated. "And it's bad enough that you're here, don't bring your excess baggage and blow it in my face. I really hate the smell of it."  
  
Once more cocking an eyebrow he suddenly smirked, then his face slowly grew to stone as he brought out the pack again. She didn't follow his movement, her eyes were still locked in his and her gaze bore a warning that he really shouldn't. But he did. Taking another cigarette out he raised his eyebrows in a challenge as he put it between his lips and flicked the top of the lighter open.  
  
Putting the flame to the tip of the fag he drew a deep breath and the filter slowly burned. Closing the lid of the lighter he put it back in its home and then he smirked again. Removing the cigarette with his left hand he held his breath for a second and then released the smoke to have it swirl around her face.  
  
Her expression was filled with fury, and he reveled in it.  
  
"Don't try and bloody tell me what to do," he now said, voice low and bearing the trace of a purr, which she knew could just like that change into a growl.  
  
"Who's trying?" she retorted, voice as low as his, though hers was carrying a chill that made a small shiver run along his spine. Something he didn't like. "Put it out."  
  
His eyes grew hard once more. He would not.  
  
"Put. That. Out," she repeated, taking a step forward and tilting her head back to be able to meet his gaze with one of her own.  
  
It was as cold as her voice and he knew she meant business. What the sod did he care?  
  
"Or what?" he asked, drawing another taste and then smiling a much too cocky smile as he once again blew the smoke right into her face.  
  
She grabbed him by the leather of the duster, swirled him around and pushed him to back up - which he did in the surprise he felt with this sudden twist. It all happened in the matter of a second, and his eyes grew as he felt the tip of something poking his back when she suddenly stopped with a jerk. Her hands were still gripping him tightly and she tilted her head back once more, this time with a merciless expression in them that he hadn't seen on her in a pretty long time.  
  
"Or I'll shove you backwards and have this place all for myself," she now answered him, underlining it by pushing him just a little tighter against whatever it was that was sticking out of the wall behind him. "From dust...to dust," she added meaningfully and he felt the rage build inside of him.  
  
This tiny little girl. This puny little confused and whiny little teenage girl could actually come this close to defeating him. He moved in the next instant, twirled her around and then he grabbed her as the pain shot through his head. His game face was on and he noticed with satisfaction that her eyes grew just a bit rounder.  
  
"The same goes for you," he hissed. "Never forget that," he added, pushing her away from him before he flicked the cigarette to the floor and crushed it, with his own heel this time, as he changed into human appearance once more.  
  
Her heart was racing. Damn it, she knew he must hear it. Taking a breath she gained some control over her tangled up nerves and put on an indifferent expression as they eyed each other in resentment-filled silence for a few moments.  
  
"This is just SO not happening," she finally grumbled.  
  
"Well, if you're dreaming and I'm bloody stuck in it you'd better wake up," he replied, but she ignored him as she walked back up to the refrigerator box.  
  
"It's locked," she mumbled to herself, as she had grabbed the handle and tried to pull the top open. "Why would anyone lock something like this?"  
  
"Maybe they keep their valuables in there," Spike suggested right behind her and she kept from jerking with surprise before looking over her shoulder at him. "Talk about frozen assets," he then added with a sudden smirk.  
  
She merely gave him a look and then turned her head back to the problem at hand.  
  
"If there's food in here...why would they lock it?" she asked herself, hoping that Spike got the fact that she was in no way speaking to him.  
  
"Food?" Spike wondered, his eyes getting a sudden glint in them and then he grabbed the handle with both hands. "C'mon, love," he now said, nodding to her hands and then to the handle.  
  
She hesitated, then obliged and put her hands by his. Their combined strength saw the lock break and the low click from it, as well as the top of the box flying open, had Buffy almost smile with relief. But only almost and she took her hands away immediately, stroking them against the legs of her pants absentmindedly as she leaned forward and looked into the stomach of the box.  
  
"Blood!" Spike exclaimed cheerfully, reaching down a hand and grabbing one of the bags. "Now, this is my kinda treasure."  
  
Buffy narrowed her eyes at the sight of the contents. Then she blinked and began to once more look around the room, slowly. Taking a step around the vampire she walked up to the wall against which the box was standing; the stairs stretching over her head. She placed a hand against the wall and let it slide along it until she felt a small draft.  
  
Smiling a little she pushed on the spot where her hand was resting and there was a click as the lock-mechanism on the door was put out of use and the wall slid to her left, opening up to show a smaller compartment behind it; not bigger than a fairly large closet.  
  
"This IS a nest," she mused, looking at the worn out mattresses covering most of the floor, the blankets tossed ontop of them and the old bags of blood in the middle of it. "They must've cast a spell to keep visitors from leaving... Hoping to have themselves a snack in the process."  
  
"Clever," Spike stated, licking his lips clean from the red liquid he had just devoured and throwing the empty bag into the gape of the box before shutting the lid tightly.  
  
Buffy turned to him, shrugging.  
  
"Not very clever," she disagreed. "'Cause now they get to try and make a snack outta me."  
  
"Right," he said with a tilt of the head. "And you're invincible."  
  
She smiled sweetly.  
  
"Do you think a group of fledglings can kill me, when YOU can't?" she asked and he gave her a good glare at that.  
  
"I can too," he muttered, having a look around the room so that he wouldn't have to look at her anymore.  
  
"Really, William?" she asked and he clenched his jaws together at the mocking use of his human name, as well as all the memories that came with it. "And how were you planning on doing it with a dog-collar around your neck?"  
  
He turned back to her, took a step toward her and she took one back at the murderous look on his face, his game face once again sliding into position and the yellow eyes of the demon met her green.  
  
"You just wait, Summers," he said. "Be patient. Someday when you least expect it... BAM!"  
  
She did jump at that last word, and it got her so annoyed with herself that she wanted to rewind time. The look of malignance on his face grew raked with satisfaction and the game face retracted again. A smirk on his lips as he raised his eyebrows.  
  
"I think you're more scared of me than you'd like to admit, pet," he stated, self-assured.  
  
"And you of me," she shot back, ice in every word before she turned from him and walked into the small space where the vampires had so obviously resided for quite some time.  
  
He stared after her.  
  
He was NOT scared of HER!  
  
"I'm not bloody scared of YOU!" he called after her.  
  
"Do you mind?" she asked, her voice muffled from being in another room as well as having her back to him. "I'm trying to find my way out of here."  
  
He stalked up to the door, leaning against the doorframe with both arms put up against either side of it and observing her back intently for a few seconds before he said:  
  
"Don't project your own buggering fears on me, SLAYER."  
  
She swirled around, her face a scowl of sudden impatience as she walked up to him as quickly as she could over the soft mattresses under her feet.  
  
"This has been coming for a long time, Spike," she said, stopping right before him and looking up at him as she continued: "You and me. An eye for an eye. To the death. Right here, right now. I'll show you who's projecting what onto whom."  
  
He cocked an eyebrow. Staring into her face flushed with the adrenaline pumping through her now - he could smell it on her - and her eyes swirling with force of life and determination. That small twirl he had felt earlier in his stomach region made itself known again. A small breeze of something new inside of him and he frowned at it; he couldn't make it out.  
  
The subtle confusion in his eyes threw her slightly off track and she blinked. Her gaze still not leaving his, though she was growing wondering as to what he thought he was doing. Why was he staring at her?  
  
"What do you mean 'an eye for an eye'?" he finally asked, the confusion disappearing and she drew a small breath in resignation.  
  
"Do you want a manual, or are you prepared to just admit that it's true?" she asked back and he raised both eyebrows now.  
  
"What? That I'm actually afraid of some college-degree-searching, all-good- and-clean little GIRL?!" he almost laughed, shaking his head and turning from her. "You should never underestimate your enemy," he added as he walked back into the basement.  
  
She observed his back and then she said:  
  
"Exactly," before running up and knocking him, by means of throwing herself at him, to the ground.  
  
He moved quickly onto his back and was able to meet the foot she kicked out - her still lying down as well - with his hand before grabbing her with his left hand under her thigh and his right still locked, in the manner in which it had averted her blow, around her ankle before he spun her away from him. Flopping her over she landed on her stomach with a huff. He got to his feet in the next instant and she let out a pained "ah" as he grabbed her arms and pulled them up behind her.  
  
"Now, are YOU willing to admit that I scare the hell outta you, love?"  
  
"Is that what you wanna hear?" she asked, straining herself to take the pain. "Is that what really gets you going? Being the Big Bad? Do you even realize how pathetic that is?" The heat in her joints increased as his grip grew tighter. "I'm not scared of you," she stated. "I pity you."  
  
The ache in his head was too great and he let her go with a growl.  
  
She rolled over on her back, prompting herself up on her elbows with a small smile on her lips. The triumph in her eyes got to him in every single possible way and the anger rose in his chest, sending a bitter taste to his mouth.  
  
"What do you mean 'an eye for an eye'?" he now repeated and she raised her eyebrows.  
  
"Actually I should take BOTH your eyes," she replied. "You've killed TWO Slayer's, after all."  
  
He stared down at her and she glared back at him before getting to her feet to face him.  
  
"And I've never been scared," he stated now, his expression grave. "I've never hid."  
  
"So tell me," she said, "why haven't you gotten around to completing the task with me? If you're THAT good, how come I'm still around?"  
  
'When I look at you... all I see is the Slayer.'  
  
He shook Drusilla's voice violently out of his head with the hands of his thoughts.  
  
"In case you hadn't noticed, I'm a bloody cripple," he replied and Buffy smirked. "What's so funny?" he grumbled and her smirk widened.  
  
"You just try and figure that one out yourself," she answered him, turning and walking back into the other room. "It shouldn't take you too long."  
  
He let out a huff of breath, turned as well and walked up to one of the boarded up windows running right below the rather low ceiling and along three of the four walls. Letting the moonlight grace his face he closed his eyes.  
  
He had to get out of there.  
  
He had a funny feeling in the middle of his chest, it scratched its nails against his flesh and it was driving him out of his mind with its elusiveness. Something bad was bound to happen if he didn't get the hell out of there soon.  
  
Yes, he could feel it.  
  
***  
  
Buffy came back out through the doorway ten minutes later. It seemed she had cooled down a bit, though she was still throwing him dark and suspicious glances as she walked up to the stairs. For another two minutes she seemed to be trying to find some way around the spell and when she was reluctant to call it quits he shook his head and took the second cigarette he had lit, in her absence, from his mouth; putting it out by scraping it against the wall.  
  
"It ain't gonna do the trick," he said, coming up to her.  
  
He had to admit, even though they had only spent a very short amount of time apart just now, he felt more in control as well. Of course, he hadn't been losing his control before, just his ability to not act too irrationally. Wait. When the hell was he EVER rational? He wanted the bitch dead, short and simple as that. He had wanted her dead ever since the first time he saw her, and he wanted her just as much dead now.  
  
He just needed to find another approach.  
  
She looked at him. Eyes telling him to shut the hell up, which of course only pushed him to speak. He smirked, then nodded to the stairs.  
  
"You can't break the spell if you don't have the proper words," he stated. "We're not getting outta here on our own. Someone'll have to find us and help us. Preferably Red, but I could go with the poof if he just gets the words right," he added and she just shook her head, walking passed him and into the middle of the room.  
  
"I can't stay here," she said.  
  
"Afraid of confined spaces?" he asked and she turned around, growing agitated with him.  
  
"Do you EVER say anything that has any sort of meaning to it?" she asked grouchily and his smirk broadened.  
  
"I thought it was a good enough question, pet," he answered. "This IS a confined space and you're acting all...jittery."  
  
"I'm not gonna tell YOU!" she stated. "You'll just use it against me someday 'when I least expect it'," she added cheekily and his smirk turned into a smile.  
  
"Ah...didn't think I ever said anything that has any sorta meaning to it," he remarked and she huffed.  
  
"I don't mind confined spaces," she grumbled, turning and walking up to stand below the very window by which he had stood not twenty minutes earlier. Trying to see a piece of the night sky she drew a small breath. "I just hate being locked up like this," she then sighed, turning her head she met his gaze which was glittering with curiosity in a way she had never seen them do before. "And I can't say the company is of my choice either," she muttered, meaning every last word.  
  
She turned from him again and stubbornly picked up the search for a sight of the freedom outside.  
  
"It'll only be a few hours," he said. "Then they'll come. Your chappies, or whatever," he added and she frowned slightly.  
  
"You trying to comfort me?" she asked and his eyes grew.  
  
Had he?  
  
"No!" he replied. "I'm just saying - you know - thank GOD for that. Then I'll be outta this hellhole and the nearness of YOU."  
  
She nodded.  
  
That was better. For a moment there he had really wigged her out. Evil Spike. That was him. Evil Big Bad in search of harm and destruction and death.  
  
But he was right though. Soon the Gang would come. They would, as always, and then she would be free to just have him as far away as possible again. She almost ached for it. Being near him made her feel ill in so many ways it almost spun her head. She couldn't stand him, and to be forced to tolerate him even in the slightest... Had he actually said 'a few hours'? HOURS?!  
  
She jumped up and grabbed the boards covering the window. Fighting to tear them down and not succeeding she finally gave up. A low chuckle behind her made her turn around and face him, her eyes wondering and he smiled again, shaking his head a little before he said:  
  
"Who's sodding pathetic now?"  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ****************************************************************************  
  
You have answered my needs in a satisfactory way and so, my darlings, I humbly oblige you. You want more? I give more.  
  
Special and warm thanks to Heather, Crunch, mulderluva, Emmylou, wolf116 :), VampiresKiss, Merete and skybound. Since you all left such positive reviews and since you all wanted another look-see - here it was.  
  
Hope you're still liking it... Do tell. A.M.L, Annie. 


	3. Dancing at the Bronze

***********************************TrAPPeD********************************** **  
  
Three: Dancing at the Bronze  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-03-12  
  
****************************************************************************  
  
Crossing her arms over her chest she merely gave him one of her most threatening gazes. He cocked an eyebrow and after a second or two she was the one to break eye contact. The annoyance a bubble inside of her ready to burst at any moment and she turned her head from him again.  
  
Darn.  
  
Spike crooked both corners of his mouth up into a knowing smirk. An idea had come to him that just might be too sweet to give up. Well, at least much too fun. He'd get to her, one way or another. If he couldn't do it by breaking her body into very little pieces, then he'd do it by reaching into her head and swirl around as much as he possibly could.  
  
She had always been too easily provoked. Now all he really had to do was wait. Once an hour or two had passed she would be ripe for him to pluck off the wine, he was sure of it.  
  
***  
  
10:20 p.m.  
  
Buffy leaned against the wall below the window through which she had been trying to see outside again; after trying to rip the boards down, that was. Soon enough, and on her own accord, she had realized the meaningless of the first venture and simply turned from it to rest back into the position she was currently still in. She refused to even acknowledge the fact that he was in the same room and they hadn't spoken since his remark when she tried to find her escape through that window.  
  
She kept waiting for him to say something. She had never known him to be the one to shut up, and somehow his silence was getting to her in a different and almost stronger way than all his idiotic quips ever had. On the other hand, it wasn't that she WANTED him to speak. She liked the stillness much better. It was just that his quietness was pushing her own thoughts out of her head, making her focus on the fact that he hadn't said a word in over an hour. And so them not talking wasn't a benefit to his obsessive yammering, since she still couldn't seem to think of anything but his obsessive yammering.  
  
Finally she pushed away from the wall and walked across the room to enter the smaller closet. Grabbing one of the mattresses she dragged it out through the doorway and threw it onto the hard cement floor of the basement, making the dust and grinded dirt fly up in a nervous cloud before it slowly calmed down again.  
  
Spike blinked, staring at the object now decorating the empty space as the Slayer disappeared again. Soon she came out with a second mattress and threw it on top of the other. The cloud once more rising, only not as violently, and it seemed to pay less heed to the human's on-goings as it once more took its place on the floor.  
  
Buffy clapped her hands together to get the filth off of them and then she said with a gesture to the primitive bed before them.  
  
"There you go. Now you can't complain to me about the floor being too hard to sleep on," she said before she turned and walked back into the other room.  
  
The wall slid shut behind her and Spike ground his teeth together in irritation.  
  
Bloody hell, he needed to bug her, he needed to be close to her in order to do that. He had seen how affected she had been just by him sowing his mouth shut for a while, and now his presence couldn't disturb her even the slightest. This would NOT do... But what remedy could he find for it?  
  
Sighing he walked up to the mattresses and threw himself on them. Sitting up again he eased his duster off his shoulders and then sprawled it over himself. Suddenly remembering something he threw the leather off of him and got to his feet. Walking up to the bookcase he squatted down and began to gather up some of the blankets on the lower shelf. Rising he smirked to himself as he turned and walked up to the door.  
  
Tapping gently on it he said:  
  
"Blankets?"  
  
"Have them," she replied, tone short and he cursed his bad luck as he recalled there being blankets in there already.  
  
"Well, these are vampire germ free blankets," he tried and there was a short pause before she asked:  
  
"And you think sleeping directly on a vampire's mattress isn't attracting some 'vamp germs'? Besides, I'm comfortable. So go away."  
  
He grumbled silently. Nothing else to do but face the truth of the situation - he was going to fail once again. The Scooby nerds were sure to come before dawn, and if they both went to sleep now - farewell twisting- her-head time!  
  
Walking back up to his bed he threw the blankets aside to once again lay down upon the former. Reaching out he got a hold on his duster and for the second time covered himself with familiarity, and the assurance that came with it. No matter what, at least he knew who he was, and what he was. At least that was permanent. At least that would never change on him. At least himself he would never fail.  
  
***  
  
Day One  
  
11.13 a.m.  
  
"What time is it?!"  
  
He woke with a jerk at her outburst and blinked with sleep-dazed eyes as he slowly sat up to look at her where she was standing in the doorway of the closet. He found himself staring at her ruffled hair and wrinkled shirt. She looked so human that something almost made him wince and for a moment he was transported back to the very first time he saw her - dancing at the Bronze. However, he quickly got a hold on himself.  
  
"What?" he snapped and she walked passed him, up to one of the windows to stand on her toes, her fingertips splayed against the wall as she tried to look outside. "Didn't the fruitless attempts last night bloody teach you anything?" he grumbled, running a hand through his messed up bleached curls before throwing the duster off of him and rising to his feet.  
  
"Sunlight," she said, twirling to face him.  
  
"What? You gonna throw a handful of it in my face?" he asked and she scowled.  
  
"No, you nitwit!" she exclaimed. "Outside! Sunlight!"  
  
He narrowed his eyes, uncomprehendingly.  
  
"This is a problem?" he wondered and she took a step closer, her posture suddenly warning.  
  
"Don't even TRY to be funny," she hissed and he smiled a little.  
  
"What then? Can I in some way ease your worried mind? If there is anything I can do, don't hesitate to tell me," he replied, the sarcasm in his voice not easy to miss and her eyes grew hard.  
  
"Why haven't they come yet?! It must be more than morning, and that means we've been here all night!"  
  
"There you go with the extraordinary deduction abilities - I cannot tell you how utterly bloody impressed they get me every SINGLE time," he stated and she almost walked up and hit him.  
  
The need was great, but somehow she managed to keep it from taking over. He couldn't strike back. It wasn't fair.  
  
"I'm merely saying..." she started.  
  
"No, what you're doing is stating the sodding obvious," he interrupted, shaking his head and bending down to pick up his duster in search of a much needed nicotine dose. "If you ask me..." he began, straightening his back when her fist connected with his jaw and pushed him down again. "Bollocks!" he exclaimed as he felt the pack of smokes being crushed beneath his hand when he supported himself to keep from going all the way down on the floor.  
  
Raising his head he glared up at her.  
  
"What the bleeding hell's the matter with you?!" he growled, tearing his hand up and eyeing the damage with the defeat folding out in his chest like the petals of a flower. "Oh...bloody hell," he sighed, finding but one smokable fag and pulling it out to eye its crooked form.  
  
Buffy fought back the giggle as she took a step backward, but she couldn't suppress the smile spreading wide on her lips. She cleared her throat when he turned his gaze into her merry one, and as his grew steely blue she tried to put on a serious expression, managing to diminish the smile at least by two thirds.  
  
"Wow... looks pretty bad," she said, nodding to the cigarette still held up in his left hand. "But, you know, maybe it's a sign. That you should quit."  
  
He merely watched her in tight silence and she cleared her throat again.  
  
"If you say ''cause it's not healthy for you' I'm gonna thoroughly ignore the pain in my head and kill you. Slowly," he warned and she grew serious.  
  
"I can't believe they're not here yet!" she then exclaimed, turning from him and throwing her arms up in the air as if to gesture her feeling.  
  
She then crossed them over her chest as she shook her head a little, beginning to pace.  
  
"At least now I don't have to get a head ache 'cause of your excessive drug use!" she added and he rose to his feet with anger growing in his chest. He was down to level zero on the patience department with her. "I don't understand this! They're not this slow. Willow would've gotten worried by now. Or Giles, if I didn't check in... And this place is totally creeping me out and YOU... don't even get me started. And..."  
  
"Would you just shut up?!" he interrupted and she swirled around to face him.  
  
"Know what?" she asked, taking the few steps parting them and shoving her index finger in his chest as she continued: "YOU did this. Somehow you planned this whole thing! You knew there was a spell on this house, you good-for-nothing, lying, scheming... VAMPIRE!"  
  
He stared into her fuming gaze with one that bore a perfect reflection of her emotions, and then it suddenly turned dangerous as he leaned forward a little.  
  
"Why would I?" he asked, voice lowered into what she could only interpret as seductive. The slowness of the words making them stroke her ears gently and she felt something swirl up her spine as her eyes got stuck in his. "To have you all to myself?" he wondered now, and as his fingers brushed over her stomach her eyes grew with agitated disbelief.  
  
"You EVER touch me again," she said with as much menace as she could possibly produce into her voice, but he merely raised his eyebrows slightly - the mocking and questioning look he gave her made her clench her hands into tight fists.  
  
"If you can't finish sentences," he adopted her phrasing from the night prior and she bit her jaws together in fury as he finished: "you really shouldn't start them."  
  
Get away from him, a voice told her and she took a stiff step back. Get as far away from him as you can. Soon you'll be out of here. Don't listen to him. Not a single word he says, Buffy. Understand?  
  
Yes. She understood.  
  
Turning once more she walked away from him and up to the bookcase standing on the opposite side of the room. Beginning to look through one of the boxes of nails and tools and scraps of metal she made the sound of iron against iron root out all other thoughts.  
  
He's not getting to me, she thought. There is no way anywhere that he'd ever get to me.  
  
I'm starting to get to her, he thought, smiling to himself as he watched her back. It was easier than I thought. Though she seems pretty pissed... Hah! Perfect. Hopefully she'll run headfirst into a bleeding wall before this is over; have a concussion, slip into a coma and then I'll be there to hear the doctor say those seven magic words: "I'm so sorry, but we lost her."  
  
The mere thought made him want to spin further on her obvious discomfort, but he restrained himself.  
  
He had no idea why her chummies hadn't appeared yet with big, white and red "to the rescue" banderols and White Hats on their heads, and perhaps he had very little time to take this where he wanted it, but if he rushed it he was bound to screw it up somehow. Better let the chance get away than ruin it all for himself.  
  
She was so small. Standing away from him she looked even smaller. It never seized to amaze him how such a petite form could harbor such strength. How it could perform the task of killing and healing, killing and healing over and over and still be intact. Quite intact, in fact.  
  
As he found himself actually letting his gaze slide down her body appraisingly and then suddenly realizing that he appreciated what he was seeing his eyes grew and he tore them off her with a small and shocked grunt over himself.  
  
What the hell was wrong with him? She did nothing for him. She never had and she never would. She was a thorn in his side, one that he wanted nothing but to pull out and preferably get to squash between two fingers. Any sort of attraction between them, or on his part, was completely absurd.  
  
Still, his fingertips bore the feel of the small tremble which had run through her as they brushed against the thin fabric of her shirt. And his eyes remembered the flash of something new in her gaze as her head had tilted back slightly.  
  
Shaking his own head he closed his eyes in pure disgust.  
  
He wasn't even contemplating what he was thinking.  
  
What he had just done, what he had just said and how he had phrased it, had been nothing but an attempt at pushing her in the direction he wanted her: being absolutely finished with him and losing her patience. Then she would be vulnerable.  
  
So why... why did he feel like this?  
  
Opening his eyes he glanced her way again, the angry scrambling of metal against metal consistent and he blinked.  
  
No. Drusilla he had desired. Drusilla had been able to get him going in ways no other woman ever had, ever would. Buffy? That was too sick for even him to imagine. She was his nemesis, and he could never want her more for himself than how much he wanted her dead. Out of the way. For good. He hated that bitch and he always had. Ever since the moment he first laid eyes on her. Dancing. At the Bronze.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
I went in and noticed, my darlings, that the second chapter seemed to have failed to make itself known on the Buffy page. Don't know why that is, but it's too bad for me since I have no one to thank this time. Haley, thanks for the email, though. Your review isn't up yet... ;) This was a free chappie since the second one was a no show... But if you want me to post I need to hear from you. Sound fair? I entertain, you give me the only payment I'll ever ask of you? ;) A.M.L, Annie. (aka The Narrator) ;) 


	4. OneCard Draw

***********************************TrAPPeD**********************************  
  
Four: One-Card Draw  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-03-13  
  
****************************************************************************  
  
1.30 p.m.  
  
Buffy had been fighting a tough fight for the past few hours not to show just how hungry she was, but as the ache in her stomach grew so did her intolerance with him. And as he cut the deck of cards he had retrieved out of one of the pockets of his duster with a loud "rrrritsch" for the hundredth time she couldn't keep quiet anymore.  
  
"Would you stop it?!" she snapped and he smirked.  
  
He had been waiting for that for a while now.  
  
"What?" he asked, parting the deck into two equal piles in either hand. "This?" he added as he let the cards blend, releasing one side of each into the "rrritsch" that was getting on her nerves.  
  
"If you don't stop it right this instant I'll tear it into shreds and you'll have nothing to play with anymore," she warned and he grinned.  
  
"I'll have you, love," he remarked and her gaze turned subzero.  
  
"You will never 'have' me," she assured and he raised his eyebrows before getting to his feet.  
  
She struggled with her heart, concentrating on keeping the rate down though it was stubborn and as he took a step forward it skipped a beat. She couldn't help but draw a small breath in anticipation for the fight that was surely coming. But then he stopped before her and the pause that followed made her wonder exactly what was up now.  
  
He raised his right hand, which was holding the deck, as if to show it to her before he asked:  
  
"Wanna play?"  
  
"With you?" she asked and he blinked before looking demonstratively around the room, then he turned to her again and asked back:  
  
"Is there someone else here that I missed?"  
  
She bit her jaws together.  
  
"I'm not playing any kind of game with you whatsoever," she replied to his former question and when he merely arched his scarred eyebrow she gave him a look. "I'm gonna stay at my side of the room, you stay on yours."  
  
He tilted his head slightly to one side, then put one heel down and dragged it across the space of floor separating them - creating a dark line in the dust.  
  
"We can still play," he said and she stared down at the line and then up at him.  
  
"Cute," she said, sarcastically. "Really clever. But my answer's still 'no'."  
  
"Why?" he asked, getting that self-assured air about him that made her want to reach up and pull him back down to earth. "Scared of losing?" he added tauntingly.  
  
She crossed her arms over her chest, shaking her head to get her long locks placed behind her shoulders before she met his eyes.  
  
"I never lose," she replied with as much cockiness as he would ever produce.  
  
Once again he tilted his head slightly to one side, observing her.  
  
"Neither do I," he stated and she smiled.  
  
"'Cause you cheat," she said knowingly and he rolled his eyes at her.  
  
"Everyone cheats, Buffy," he retorted. "In life everyone tries to get their share as bloody quick and painless as possible. Sometimes they skip the painless, but that doesn't mean we all don't want what should be coming our way."  
  
"In life, you say?" she asked. "And in cards?" she added and now a diabolique grin spread on his lips as he held the deck up to her again.  
  
"In cards it's as raw as it gets. Win or lose. Claim and take, or back down and see-never-again," he replied and she couldn't believe how that could make any sense at all - but it did.  
  
"Well," she started, about to turn from him and once more decline when he said:  
  
"One-card draw. As easy as it gets: ace's are high, higher card wins, we state what the other lose before we draw a card each."  
  
She stopped, then met his gaze again.  
  
"All right..." she finally consented, nodding slowly.  
  
He nodded as well, holding the deck up.  
  
"What do I get if I win...?" she mumbled to herself, observing him for a few seconds thoughtfully and then she smiled. He didn't like that smile, nor did he like the sudden gleam flickering in her gaze. "Your lighter," she stated firmly and his eyes grew.  
  
"N-..." he started, but she cut him off.  
  
"Your rules. Your turn."  
  
And it WAS his turn, he reminded himself. If he won this it might actually help him in the deprivation of her sanity. Or at least her faith in herself. Over the course of the past two hours a plan had formed in his head. One that really made him feel rather sick, the thought of actually being close to her made his stomach turn, but it was the one thing he knew would bring her to her knees. If he could seduce her...  
  
Oh, the sweetness of that triumph over her.  
  
"I win - we play another game," he therefore stated and she blinked, seemingly surprised by the simplicity of his demand.  
  
"Okay," she said.  
  
The rush of the moment caught up with her as she reached out a hand to lift a part of the deck. What kind of game would he want to play? A flash of hands entangled in hair, and mouths about to meet, sent a shiver of sudden discomfort down her spine and she stopped herself, looking up and resting her eyes in his. The wondering gaze in them seemed to say "scared?" and it pushed her to complete the movement with a defiant glare up at him.  
  
Taking a small stack of the cards she turned it and looked at it.  
  
Queen of Hearts.  
  
Hah! Beat that, she thought, trying to keep a poker face as she looked back at him.  
  
He moved his left hand and did as she just had, lifting a stack of the cards up by means of his fingertips and then turning it to him.  
  
"Ace of Spades," he said and her eyes grew slightly.  
  
Her expression tightened and he knew that he stood as the winner.  
  
"Let me see that," she grumbled, reaching out a hand and grabbing the cards out of his.  
  
Staring at the card in question her shoulders slumped slightly, then she raised her head and gave him another glare.  
  
"You cheated!" she stated and a small smile curled his lips before he shrugged.  
  
"Can you prove it?" he asked and she simply threw the cards at him before turning from him.  
  
"This makes the draw... not countable," she said. "Let's just forget about the whole thing."  
  
"Sure," he replied and she turned back to him, sheer shock on her face. "When pig's fly," he added with another small smile and she tried to actually dust him with her gaze.  
  
It didn't work, she was sad to notice.  
  
"You can't actually believe that I'm just gonna be fine with this," she muttered now and the smile turned into a smirk.  
  
"Buffy, I didn't cheat," he defended. "You'll have to trust me on that. If you had won I sure as hell wouldn't 've liked it, but I wouldn't have made such a fuss about it. Seriously. Just admit defeat and turn yourself over into my humble hands. I promise, I'll be gentle."  
  
At the words "defeat" and "hands" the Slayer shuddered. How the heck had she gotten herself into this?  
  
"I won't ever trust you on anything," she now shot. "And I'm not making a fuss; I'm just saying. And I will never go anywhere near your hands so there's no need to sugarcoat it."  
  
"You like it rough?" he asked and her mouth opened by itself to reply to that before she shut it, giving him a dark look.  
  
What the hell was he doing? In every other word she thought she could detect some sort of... trace of... a link to what seemed to be hinting at something... What the hell was he doing?! Or...was it her? Was she reading a bunch of things into it? But, what would that say of her? It wasn't like she was so starved that she would ever hunger for his... Oh, she couldn't even think the thought.  
  
Though the analogy brought her back to the harsh reality of the burning need for food within her and she closed her eyes.  
  
"What's this other game you wanna play?" she sighed, wanting to get her mind off her current state.  
  
He cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"Interested?" he wondered and her eyes shot open.  
  
"No!" she replied, with emotion. "I'm just..."  
  
"Hungry," he nodded and she found herself suddenly simply staring at him. "Yeah, I know. I can hear your stomach talking," he added and she grumbled.  
  
Great. Now he'd remind her of it all day - or however long it would take for the other's to find her - and she wouldn't have a moment's peace.  
  
"Here," he now said, walking up to the refrigerator box and her eyes widened as he opened it.  
  
"I may be reaching the point where I could eat bugs," she protested, "but I won't ever get to where I'm actually able to drink..."  
  
She trailed off as he brought out a plastic box as well as a plastic bag. It didn't look like a vampiric kind of meal. He closed the lid and brought the objects over to her. He practically threw them into her arms and she caught them with a small, annoyed glance his way before she sat right down on the floor and tore the lid off the box.  
  
"Fish," she said, staring at the cold, but cooked, meal before her. "Why would vamps store actual food in their lair?" she mumbled.  
  
"You know, some of us actually still enjoy the taste," Spike replied matter- of-factly and she looked up at him again. "Found it under the blood bags," he added at her still questioning gaze. "You gonna eat?" he finally sighed, taking a seat on the mattresses and she looked down at the food again.  
  
"It might be poisoned," she mused.  
  
"Give me a sodding break," he grumbled, aggravated. "You think I'd get rid of you - after all I've been through - by poisoning you?!" he added and she raised her eyebrows as she had looked up at him again.  
  
Then she turned her head back down to the food.  
  
"If you don't eat it you'll probably die anyway," he remarked. "Your friends seem to be taking a while longer than you thought, aren't they? Don't eat - die in pain. Eat - and live for another hour."  
  
"You know," she said, putting the box aside and facing him, her eyes growing suspicious. "I just might've tasted it, but you actually routing for me to do it and not shrivel up and die makes me..."  
  
"Oh, please!" he exclaimed with a snort. "Are you gonna blame the end of the world on me as well? Whenever it decides to hit?"  
  
"You know, being locked up with you IS the end of the world as far as I'm concerned," she retorted. "I've put up with this whole situation for far too long, and I'm done!"  
  
"YOU'RE done?!" he asked, voice growing loud and he rose to his feet at the same time as she did. "You think this is my kinda fun? Huh?! You think I wanted to be stuck in some crummy old basement with the hate of my un- life?! We can't even fight 'cause then I feel like my sodding head is being torn off my shoulders! So what do I do? I try to make the best of it," he added, meeting her in the middle of the floor as they both had moved forward.  
  
"And how IS that exactly?" she asked, tilting her head back slightly to be able to face him completely, her eyes showing green thunder. "By some little devious plan, I'm sure. What? The food was the set off of a chain reaction? Poison me, render me weak, make me dead and then you can drink my blood? You want it that badly, Spike?"  
  
"Hey, I haven't touched that food! This is just... an eye for an eye - in a sense. I came to you for help when I was wasting away from the no-killing deal I never signed. I help you now. Debt is paid and I NEVER have to do it again," he replied, his jaw line tight as he met her eyes without any intent of standing down and she did the same.  
  
The atmosphere was moving with something close to a small tug that neither one of them could really understand. There was something there, but none of them had any intention of pretending that it was. They hoped it would just give up, turn around and slip out the way it had come.  
  
"Even if you didn't do something to the food," she finally spoke, taking a step back, "that doesn't mean THEY didn't."  
  
"I'm not gonna try and bloody persuade you to eat if you'd rather starve yourself," he replied, turning from her and walking back up to the mattresses.  
  
Throwing himself on them he placed his hands behind his head and looked up at the ceiling.  
  
She bit her jaws together as she watched him for a few seconds, then she looked back at where the box and the plastic bag lay. Noticing the bag held some sort of vegetables she walked up to it. Carrots. Unpeeled. She bit her lower lip before turning slowly to approach him in the same manner. Stopping by the side of the mattresses she looked down at him with a hesitation in her way that he had never seen on her... Except that night when he came to offer her his help fighting Angelus. That night she had kept her eyes on him with the same tentative wonderment as she right now held in her gaze.  
  
"Do you have a knife?" she asked.  
  
He stared at her and she made a small wave with the vegetable in her hand as an elaboration. He shook his head to her question. She turned and walked back to where she had sat before, sinking back down on the spot she eyed the carrot in her hand before she wrinkled her nose. She then brought it to her lips and parted them, taking a bite of it.  
  
She ate almost carefully, though once the taste of the carrot seemed to be nothing out of the ordinary she was actually grateful for it. She ate another as well and then a small piece of the white meat of the fish before sealing the lid of the plastic box tightly.  
  
Taking both of them up to the fridge she put them back in there and then closed that lid as well. Walking up to the wall beneath "her" window she sat down and leaned against it, resting her head back and closing her eyes.  
  
Why hadn't they come yet?  
  
Why was she still in there, with HIM? She thought she would've liked being locked up by herself more than having him there with her. He was so frustrating. Getting on her nerves and entangling her thoughts. Filling the room with his irritating presence so that she couldn't escape him, no matter what she tried.  
  
Why hadn't they come yet?!  
  
***  
  
05.47 p.m.  
  
"Show me the way to go home... I'm tired and I wanna go to bed... I had a little drink about an hour ago and it got right to my head... Bom-bom-bom. Show me the way to go home. I'm tired and I wanna go to bed. Well, I had a little drink about an hour ago and it got right to my head. Bom-bom-bom. Show me the way to."  
  
"Shut up!" Buffy exclaimed, throwing one of her boots at him.  
  
It hit him dead center on the forehead and he stopped the singing he had been keeping up for nearly eight minutes. A repeating of the same part over and over and over and over. He twisted his neck where he still lay on the mattresses to be able to look at her where she was pacing.  
  
She had removed her boots an hour earlier, after complaining about them hurting for nearly half of that.  
  
"Don't get your knickers in a twist," he said, rolling over on the side to keep watching her as he prompted his head up in one hand.  
  
"I'd put them over my head if it kept me from hearing you sing," she shot, stopping and looking back at him.  
  
"Oooh," he said, slowly. "You gonna hurt a blokes feelings."  
  
"Which bloke? I only see you and you're not one of those," she retorted and he raised his eyebrows.  
  
"Ouch, love," he mumbled with a small smile and she ignored the sudden swirl in the pit of her stomach as her eyes slid down over his torso where the fabric of his black T stretched over the obviously taut muscles of his arms and upper chest.  
  
Closing her eyes she turned and began to pace again.  
  
She had to get out of there.  
  
Now.  
  
"Stop calling me that," she grumbled, putting one hand up by her forehead and rubbing it gently.  
  
"What? ...Love?" he asked, sitting up before rising to his feet.  
  
"Yes," she answered; tone short and impatient. "Stop calling me that."  
  
"What's the matter?" he asked, voice lowered in that unsettling way again and she stopped, once more turning her head to him.  
  
"What do you think?" she asked. "Something's seriously wrong. Giles was the one who told me I should check this place out last night, he KNOWS where I am. If they were looking this'd be where they'd start. They're not looking, Spike. And I just... can't figure out why."  
  
He grew thoughtful at that, forgetting that he should use her distress to his advantage at the fact of them being trapped for a while longer than even he had expected.  
  
"Well, it's not like we're gonna be down here forever," he then stated carelessly and her eyes grew disbelieving.  
  
"What's to say we're not?" she asked and he once more grew quiet as that question sunk in.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Oh, wonderful you are! I loved my stack of reviews! *claps hands in joy* Thank you so much!  
  
Special thanks to wendy, Lady Icon Draco, LILI(for both the first and second), wolf116, MindOverMatter, msu and Heather! Really great to hear from you and that you like it! Hope you enjoyed this chapter as well.  
  
MindOverMatter - just had to respond a little. If you'd like me to explain anything about the story that you think is confusing, please, don't hesitate to email me! And the box she opened was a refrigerator one. You know, it's like a fridge only a large, white, box variety? Thanks ever so and I hope you keep reading!  
  
Oh, and also, more hardcore Spuffiness is for sure up ahead - I mean, how could it not be? However, to me the bantering, the fighting, the hating and the confusion is as much Spuffy as them going at it like rabbits or having slow make-out sessions. I'm sorry if some of you think it's taking too long, but I'm just the tool - the story knows when it's ripe for them to...you know, find each other. ;)  
  
Thanks again and please review, the deal writer/reader still stands! ;)  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	5. Specks of Light

***********************************TrAPPeD**********************************  
  
Five: Specks of Light  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-03-14  
  
****************************************************************************  
  
Day Two.  
  
7.58 a.m.  
  
He just threw the emptied bag of blood into the refrigerator box when the Slayer came out through the doorway of the closet space.  
  
The night prior had seen them on no speaking terms with one another again, both agitated at the sudden spoken fact of them treading very carefully on the brink of having to spend eternity in the presence of the other. Thus deciding to pretend the other wasn't there at all - hoping it would make the fact vanish. It stubbornly kept making itself known, though.  
  
Through the scrape of one of his DocMartins against the floor. A huff in return from her; as if to let him know just how much she blamed him for disrupting the quiet - reminding her of him still being close. Through a sigh of boredom from her. A huff in return from him; though it bore a trace of agreement, much since he thought he was about to climb the walls literally from having absolutely nothing to do. Tormenting her didn't even hold the same allure anymore.  
  
Tiredly they had gone to bed. The door sliding closed behind her and the lack of acute nearness to her having him slowly fire up the engine that kept him going again. Tomorrow was but one long holding of his non-existing breath away. Tomorrow he'd reunite with the spider of his not beating heart and he WOULD spin his web around her. Somehow.  
  
Now she stopped one step out of the doorway and stretched with a small yawn before she relaxed, kneading one eye tiredly before letting her arm drop along her side, and then reluctantly meeting his gaze.  
  
The lazy rays of sunlight falling across the floor of the basement and pooling almost timidly in the dust of it was something he could easily avoid. They were scarce and thin, and if he just kept to the wall none of them hit him, nor did their fingers reach the mattresses. He had enough space.  
  
However, one of those rays now softly ran through her tangled locks, highlighted her brow and the tip of her nose and played a gentle game with the softness of her mouth.  
  
He found himself staring. Practically gaping. She was...  
  
"Ew!" she grumbled, putting an index finger up by the side of her mouth as she added: "Blood residue right here and please, don't play with it. Just wipe-wipe-wipe."  
  
...as annoying and bloody unsympathetic as always.  
  
He let his tongue slip out and catch the stray droplet, licking it up easily he then smiled contentedly.  
  
"Anything else I can do to...satisfy?" he asked, just hinting at letting his eyes travel down her body as he slowly pronounced the last word - but he never followed through as he got the desired effect anyways, her eyes grew slightly and for some reason her heart began to jump scotch just one notch faster.  
  
Jump-jumpjump. Jump-jumpjump.  
  
Buffy walked up to the refrigerator box, unfortunately that meant she had to also walk up to stand beside him, before reaching out a hand and pulling the lid up. She had discovered a smaller stash of food she could actually eat beneath the bags of blood the night before - and so she thought she could indulge in having her stomach filled this morning.  
  
There had been no side effects to her meal yesterday. It seemed safe enough. Which was a relief. Putting up with the vermin of HIM on an empty stomach just might have been too much for her. She had no idea why her heart seemed set on betraying her every time he looked at her in that infuriating way! She had just simply decided to think no more of it.  
  
Grabbing the plastic box still containing some fish and a new plastic bag - this one with tomatoes - she shut the lid of the larger box hard and then she turned to him. His gaze was still carrying that teasing suggestiveness. She had never seen it there before they were thrown into this godforsaken situation. She had only seen hatred, a need of destruction and pure disgust with who she was and what she stood for. So, where had this other expression surfaced from?  
  
"What?!" she now exclaimed, putting both food containers down on the lid of the fridge with a harsh movement as she kept eye contact.  
  
So much for thinking no more of it.  
  
"What?" he asked back, innocently.  
  
An expression that not only misfit him - he did it cruel injustice.  
  
"What IS it with the whole... attitude change?" she asked, putting her hands on either hip as she eyed him closely, and he smirked a little.  
  
"What 'attitude change'?" he wondered and she narrowed her eyes.  
  
"You're all..." she began, but the sudden gleam in his blue eyes showing just how much he was anticipating what she was going to say next made her stop herself.  
  
"'All' what?" he inquired and she straightened her back slightly, her face relaxed as she met his eyes and he suddenly didn't like the feeling of losing the advantage he had felt he had had over her.  
  
"You think I'm stupid," she said, turning from him and walking to stand in the middle of a blazing ray of light.  
  
She damn near blinded him, stupid bint.  
  
"Get outta the sunlight, love," he said, turning from her as well and walking up to the mattresses.  
  
Sitting down he glanced at his chipped nail polish. The black was giving way for the boring skin tone underneath it and he sighed. He should make it a custom to always bring a bottle of polish with him. It would rest nicely next to his lighter, he mused. Of course, unless he at some point was at Willy's or wherever and he wanted to light a smoke, grabbed the wrong item and ended up trying to paint the sodding thing with the polish. Nah. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea. Besides, the chipped look kinda suited his state of mind right now. Could she get more...?  
  
"You must think I'm the most stupid person in the world," she now semi- repeated and when he realized her voice was very close he looked up, finding her practically leaning over him.  
  
He glared up into pools of green, the light reflecting in specks deep within them, and he was transfixed. He hated her more than he thought possible in that moment. Because in that moment he also realized that he wanted her.  
  
Badly.  
  
Right then. Right there.  
  
With his hands in those silly looking tangles of her blonde hair and his mouth...  
  
Snapping out of it he got to his feet quickly and suddenly she was close enough to touch as she straightened her posture when he rose, but refrained from taking a step back. The defiance of her eyes made him understand that she had not yet spoken all that was on her mind.  
  
"I've always thought you daft," he now shrugged, his gaze not leaving hers as he tried desperately to brush the new sensation off of him. "I guess, yeah, that IS the same as stupid - innit?"  
  
She bit her jaws together hard.  
  
"I know what you're doing," she stated, tilting her head back to look up at him.  
  
He raised his eyebrows slightly, then grabbed her upper arms and pulled her flush against him.  
  
Her eyes showed no sign of surprise, they merely grew harder - but the small gasp escaping her made him understand that this was not expected. Good. Because the fact of him actually wanting this had been completely unexpected to him - and as the feeling merely grew when he suddenly felt her body heat extend its roots to pierce his cool flesh he almost pushed her away from him again, panic rising from a dark corner of his subconscious with a warning.  
  
Hold back, it said. Hold back or be lost. Forever.  
  
His hands refused to listen as they merely gripped her tighter.  
  
Her fingers slid with tentative unfamiliarity over the skin of his lower arms, trying to find a way to brace, to shove, to free. There was none...  
  
Her heart - the everlasting traitor - began to run amok in her chest and she drew an unsteady breath as she stared up at him. Her eyes still cold and bearing the sharpness of a knife in a warning.  
  
"And what exactly," he now practically breathed as he pulled her even a little closer, "am I supposedly doing?"  
  
"I told you 'if you ever touch me again'..." she merely stated as an answer, her voice low and he rested his eyes in hers for the longest time before he leaned down.  
  
She was faster, avoiding his lips she tore away from him.  
  
"What the hell are you doing?!" she exclaimed and he smiled.  
  
"Guess it wasn't that that I was 'supposed to be doing' then?" he mocked, licking his lips and she took another step back from him in fuming disbelief.  
  
"You're a pig, Spike," she replied with a shake of the head.  
  
"Why's your heart beating so fast?" he wondered, putting one hand against his own chest before he closed his eyes and added: "I can feel it... Right in here."  
  
Her eyes widened slightly.  
  
"Stop it," she mumbled and he opened his eyes to rest them in hers once more.  
  
"Stop what?" he demanded. "Feeling you?"  
  
A rush of something tore through her at those words and she blinked in surprise at the sensation. Then she made herself take control again and she shook her head slowly.  
  
"You'll never be able to feel me," she stated.  
  
He smiled.  
  
"I just did," he retorted before releasing her gaze and taking a seat on the mattresses once more.  
  
***  
  
11.05 a.m.  
  
"I'm so bored," he sighed, lying across the mattresses with his head dipped over the side which was facing her, the top of his scalp almost resting against the floor as he blinked.  
  
He had been in that position for half an hour and it had quietly fascinated her. If she lay like that for two minutes her head began to pound. Of course, he had no blood circulating, he had no blood gathering in his brain, he was just some dead body lying on two worn mattresses glancing at her from time to time with two orbs of blue.  
  
"Would you please not talk?" she grumbled, sitting with her back against the hard stone wall slightly to the right of The Window.  
  
He smirked and she wanted to bite her tongue. That was simple encouragement for him. Secretly she wondered if she hadn't said those words simply to get him going. Because boy, could she agree with him - the sitting and staring into space was mind-numbingly boring. She'd rather... What? What would she rather? Bicker? Argue? Yell? Scream? Fight?  
  
Yeah. Hell yeah. All the above.  
  
Blinking at the thought she squared her shoulders and hoped he'd restrain himself from saying another word. That he'd listen to her thoughts and understand that some twisted part of her actually wanted him to speak, and thus he'd keep himself from obliging her. Please, oh, please.  
  
"Pure waste of time this is," he crushed her hope by saying and she closed her eyes in sudden annoyance.  
  
With herself. With him! With all of this.  
  
"Would you just NOT talk?" she said again, opening her eyes and resting them in his as he rolled over on his stomach and now he smirked.  
  
"But then, if you think of it," he non-bashfully went on, "how many hours of our days don't we spend doing stuff we really don't feel like doing? Shopping. Sleeping. Cooking..."  
  
"...Stealing. Killing. Lying. Cheating," she filled in with a glare his way.  
  
He chuckled, shaking his head and sitting up.  
  
Somehow every last movement he performed seemed to have a slow grace to them, as if he danced a dance only she could ever perceive. Her eyes couldn't help but take in the muscles moving beneath the smooth skin of his upper arms and small goose-bumps spread over her shoulders as the unsettling memory of his hands pressing her to him slipped into her head.  
  
Swallowing she ignored it, keeping eye contact, determined not to let any of this show on her.  
  
Determined not to even think the thought of him affecting her even the slightest; blaming him doing just that on the fact that they had spent more time together these past thirty-eight hours than they EVER had before and that it was simply bugging her so much that it made her think things that were just... made her think... it made her absolutely crazy, simple as that.  
  
"You just listed what makes this Earth worth existing on," he now replied to her former input and her eyes grew slightly as she tried to remember what the recent banter had been about.  
  
Ah, yes. His sleazy on-goings whenever and wherever; that evil, un-dead fiend!  
  
"Oh, of course you'd say that," she muttered, shaking her head a little at him.  
  
He cocked an eyebrow and she wanted to get him away from her. As far away as possible. This room just wasn't big enough for the both of them.  
  
"So what would you say does it for you?" he inquired and she waited for him to continue, which he did with no further encouragement. "Playing house with your little friends? Playing little lovable girlie girl with the sodding git? Or could it possibly be," he lowered his voice and slowed the words so that every syllable would have time to sink in, "that what gets you on a high, what can't be compared to anything else in this entire world, is your trade...? Slaying. Killing. Night after night perfecting your skill..." She stared at him now and he rose to his feet with that slow motion in his manner that sent a sudden chill of warning down her spine. "Nothing beats the feel of that stake through dead flesh and dead heart, does it... Slayer?"  
  
She got up quickly. It seemed her brain demanded it of her legs without her consciously being entirely aware of it. She swallowed again, her heart feeling as though it was growing into stone - beating heavily in her chest as he approached her.  
  
"It's what you crave all day..." he murmured, stopping before her and she wanted to take a step back, but her feet were this time dumbfounded at her pleas for them to move and she stood still - feeling as though he was slowly concentrating every last shred of everything that was him, on her.  
  
Filling her up from the inside.  
  
Then she battled it back, made it retract with a sudden furious disbelief with herself.  
  
She knew what he was trying to do. He was trying to manipulate her. And it was NOT going to work.  
  
"Oh, please," she said now, the defying stir in her chest crept into her eyes and he wanted to grind his teeth.  
  
Damn it, he was losing her. Again. He had been so close this time.  
  
"Don't even try to get any kind of meaningful discussion going, Spike," she continued, sidestepping him and walking a few feet away from him before she turned back to him. "About who I am, 'cause I know you don't give a damn. Like I said, I know what you're doing. But mostly - I just really don't wanna talk to you. About anything."  
  
He lifted one shoulder in a small shrug before saying:  
  
"So stop talking."  
  
She felt the lightening of anger jolt through her and just like that he flipped her concentration once again.  
  
"I wasn't the one who started it," she shot, the sarcasm in the reminder making him smirk.  
  
"And if I'd known there'd be no bloody stopping your gob once I GOT you started I bleeding well wouldn't have said a word, now would I?" he retorted and her eyes grew with indignation.  
  
"Just shut up," she replied and he shook his head at her.  
  
"You have serious issues," he stated and now her eyes grew round as she stared at him before exclaiming:  
  
"I - ME - I do?!"  
  
"Yeah," he confirmed simply.  
  
"My only 'issue' is being locked in here with YOU!" she assured and his expression grew impatient as he took a step forward.  
  
"And you think I'm bloody enjoying myself?" he asked and she nodded, crossing her arms over her chest.  
  
"Oh, I'm sure of it," she answered him and now HIS eyes grew.  
  
"You're crazy, anyone ever tell you that? You're sodding outta your mind!"  
  
"Would you stop YELLING?!" she shouted, taking a step closer as well.  
  
"I didn't start THAT!" he retorted, his voice still as loud and they eyed each other for a few moments before she turned from him with a huff.  
  
"You're giving me a headache," she grumbled, putting one hand by her forehead and he scowled.  
  
"Yeah? Well, I have a headache every second I'm near you 'cause all I can think of is how much I wanna bloody dismember you," he retorted and she twirled around.  
  
"SEE!" she once again raised her voice. "If ANYONE in this room has issues it's YOU!"  
  
"And in what way would that be?" he asked, once more cocking an eyebrow as he tilted his head slightly to one side.  
  
Hitting him would have been good, but she clenched her jaws together, mustering up as much self-control as she had left in her as she mentally bound her wrists behind her back. Then she replied:  
  
"In the your-mind-is-so-incredibly-sick way. Good enough?"  
  
"No," he answered. "'Cause that's just my nature, pet. And those are the only laws you can't ever bend."  
  
"Says the LIVING DEAD philosophically," she muttered sarcastically.  
  
He grew into a grouchy silence at that remark, irritated that he hadn't a good enough come back. She smiled inwardly.  
  
Hah! Got you there, you little no-brained, bleach-head, she thought smugly. This is fun.  
  
Oh, but you should really just have him shut up, something stated within her.  
  
And why's that? I'm picking up points here. I could just rub his nose in it, she thought in return. I could get him off that high horse and make him realize that just 'cause he's like a hundred years older than me it doesn't necessarily mean that his brain is bigger. Actually I bet it's smaller now than it was when he was human. Hah, I'd love to see the look on his face when I make that remark.  
  
Buffy. He's a hundred years older than you. Exactly. Ponder that for a few seconds. Think of where he has been, what he has seen and what he has done. Think of what he is, Buffy. You're playing games with him you promised yourself and TOLD him you never would. Don't take it any further. You just got a small taste of the power he has to project onto you. Listen to his voice long enough and you'll start to believe it. He's nothing good, Buffy. He's nothing clean. He's pure darkness. Don't dwell on it, don't try to pry it open. No light can ever reach it. You know this. He's soulless. He's dead. Buffy. He's DEAD. Now let it go. Before you take it too far, let it go.  
  
There's nothing to worry about, she told herself confidently with a shrug. What could there possibly be to worry about? I know all of the above and he's just... air. He's nothing to me. Look at him! He's not even...  
  
Turning her head she glanced at him for a moment, his eyes meeting hers and she blinked at a small twirl in the pit of her stomach.  
  
...attractive, she finished her sentence and the waver, with which she thought it, made her take a step back.  
  
Then the practicality of her Slayer mind took over and rooted out even the smallest shred of doubt in the fact that he would never, ever be able to crawl under her skin in the way he seemed to have set his mind on doing. He would never touch her; not in any way, shape or form would he touch her. Not ever.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Oh, yay for you guys! Thanks so, so much for your reviews! And this chapter was supposed to be up yesterday - but the site wouldn't let me in and so I also have to apologize for it being late, though there is the explanation! :)  
  
Warm and special thanks to Heather, LizDarcy, Haley (times four! Thanks girl!) ;), Rose (I did a spell check and some serious editing and I hope it would be more to your satisfaction if you read it now. You really rattled me, girl! Thanks for that!) :), mulderluva (times two! Thanks a lot!) :), PineTranio, Spuffygirl and wendy. You guys rock and you've seriously lifted my spirit! Thanks for, as always, just making my day.  
  
I hope you liked this chapter, and that your getting the sense toward where this is probably leaning, right? ;) Hehe. Luv y'all!  
  
Please, keep the feedback coming and I will write fast, faster, fastest!  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	6. All the Lies We Tell

***********************************TrAPPeD**********************************  
  
Six: All the Lies We Tell  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-03-20  
  
****************************************************************************  
  
Day Two.  
  
15.02 p.m.  
  
"Row, row, row your boat..."  
  
"We don't HAVE a boat."  
  
"...gently down the stream..."  
  
"Oh...water."  
  
"Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily..."  
  
"You're kidding me right?"  
  
"Life is but a dream."  
  
"Then bring on the frappucino 'cause here's one Slayer ready for a wake-up call," she muttered, giving him a glare to just be quiet.  
  
Of course, it didn't take.  
  
"Row, row, row your boat..."  
  
"Spike," she warned and he smirked, rolling his head to the side so that he could look at her.  
  
Once again he was lying on the mattresses and she was sitting leaned against the wall. Her back killing her, but she refused to move or show any sign that she was uncomfortable since he had made it perfectly clear that he didn't believe she could sit still for an hour without complaining. That had been forty-five minutes earlier.  
  
"What IS it with you and singing, anyways?" she asked now and he cocked an eyebrow. Since he made no effort to reply she sighed, shaking her head. "Not that I wanted to know or anything," she grumbled, the annoyance rolling back into her chest. "You know you're the most aggravating creature on this planet, don't you?" she now inquired and his smirk turned into a grin.  
  
With a small moan voicing the emotion within she got to her feet and he jumped up with a "hah!".  
  
"You lost," he nodded with the grin making him look more idiotic than ever plastered all over his ugly face.  
  
"God, I hate you," she stated tiredly. "And I hate this place. And I hate this spell. And I hate the boring food and the fact that there's nothing I can do to get out of this. And I want a tall glass of water. And a shower. And my own BED. And... God, I hate you."  
  
He tilted his head to one side, cocking an eyebrow again and her gaze grew into a glare.  
  
"You know... maybe," he said, reaching up an arm and grabbing one of the rusted old pipes hanging above his head.  
  
"Maybe what?" she asked skeptically and he got a thoughtful expression on his face before he took a better hold on the pipe and then he yanked down hard.  
  
Her eyes grew and she was about to yell something - he would've figured it to be "no!" - when the fact that there was no flood pouring out of the pipe made her stop herself. However a small trickle of clear water began to make its way through the air and to the floor. Buffy stared at it, almost in awe, and then she ran up to him and pushed him aside.  
  
Putting her mouth under the Heaven-sent liquid she began to drink.  
  
"Oh, no clever remark about 'it might be poisoned' this time?" he asked, observing her eagerness with a touch of fascination as his gaze rested on her lips - wetted by the water, and her tongue glimpsing from time to time.  
  
Turning from her he blinked, getting a hold on himself.  
  
It was an outermost funny feeling, this sudden... need. This very sudden urge to touch, to feel, to ravish in. It was strange and close to ill- fitting, and he didn't like it. It... frightened him. Well, he had to say it did - though he hardly could admit it to himself and NEVER would admit it to her. But it was simply overpowering and in that sense of overwhelming loss of control - he felt fear.  
  
Where would it take him?  
  
It also made him wonder if he was clouding his own judgment. He thought he had sensed a spark fly between them when he had forced her close... A moments anticipation on her part right before he leaned down to claim his kiss, and then her own conscious saying "bad" and making her step down, take a bow, having the show be over right then and there.  
  
Now she was very distant, and had been so all afternoon. Of course, had she ever been anything else? Distant, cold, stupid, annoying, up-tight bitch that she was?  
  
Shaking his head at himself, at this whole insane situation, he turned back to her.  
  
She had gotten a hold on the plastic box previously containing fish (now eaten) and was filling it almost tenderly with the life-preserving H2O.  
  
Humans.  
  
Mortals.  
  
He shook his head again.  
  
"If you'd let me turn you, you wouldn't have to worry 'bout that, love," he pointed out, without even realizing where those words came from, and as she looked up sharply he wanted to kick himself over the head.  
  
Nice work, Spike, he thought. That'll put her off guard. That'll make her receptive to your charms. That'll make her seduce-able. You are sucha sodding WANKER!  
  
"I'm not even gonna dignify that with a response," she replied sourly and he swallowed before putting on one of the everlasting smirks.  
  
"You just did," he remarked and she scowled, making him back off.  
  
The trickle was reducing into a drop and Buffy took the plastic box away. It was half full and she knew that the loathed vampire had probably just saved her a death consisting of incoherent ramblings and pain as her body dried up.  
  
She put the box reverently on the floor by the refrigerator box and then turned to him. He met her gaze, wondering what was now to come. She hesitated, then said:  
  
"Thanks... I don't think I would've thought of that myself."  
  
He was taken very much off guard by that. Then he shrugged.  
  
"Whatever. I scratch your back..." he then replied and a small smile graced her lips.  
  
"I'm not scratching your anything," she assured and at that he smiled widely.  
  
"Look, at some point we're sure to grow desperate," he now stated and she raised her eyebrows questioningly. "That blood," he elaborated with a wave to the fridge, "it won't last until the end of eternity. You look a bit scrawny, Slayer, but when push comes to survive - I think I could eat you."  
  
She merely gave him a look before she asked:  
  
"Don't you mean 'drink' me?"  
  
"Would you prefer that term?" he asked. "I mean, always offer the victim its preferred way to go, right?"  
  
She smiled with no feeling what so ever before she said:  
  
"You'll get those fangs anywhere near my neck over my dead body."  
  
He laughed at that, then nodded.  
  
"Exactly. See, I CAN'T kill you, right? But sooner or later you're gonna fall off the twig. And color me the cat sitting at the foot of that tree just waiting for you to land right before its paws," he stated and she took a step closer to him, her eyes shooting daggers.  
  
"You make me SICK!" she exclaimed and he smiled.  
  
"Good," he said, reaching out a hand, grabbing her wrist and suddenly pulling her close to him. "That'll make you die faster."  
  
She struggled, putting her hands against his chest before pushing him away from her harshly.  
  
He stumbled back and hit the wall, leaning himself against it his eyes showed mere delight and she shook her head at him.  
  
"So stake me," he tempted, taking a step forward and seeing the satisfactory stiffening of her posture. "Come on, Buffy... Stake this vamp and be done with it."  
  
Buffy bit her jaws together. Her fingers itched to do as he asked, but something was simply pronouncing that she couldn't. She couldn't! He was harmless. Couldn't hurt humans anymore. And so she couldn't just 'be done with it'.  
  
"You have no idea how much I wish I could," she said between gritted teeth.  
  
Turning from him she was about to take a step toward the door of the closet space when he suddenly blocked her way. She looked up with a sharp breath in involuntary surprise and he held her gaze almost gently.  
  
"So do it," he mumbled, his voice lowered and she swallowed - a sudden swirl in the pit of her stomach making her senses scream alarm.  
  
He was close enough to just lean into, their bodies nearly touching, and she had to tilt her head back to be able to look up at him.  
  
"Someday..." she said and he smiled a little at that. "I will," she added firmly and his face hardened.  
  
"Once I get this thing screwing me up fixed..."  
  
She nodded, blinking as a warm blanket wrapped itself around her thoughts, making them fuzzy and dimmed. Her eyes stuck in his, the blue of them seeping out to color the world. Her heart beat was just as dazed as her mind, pumping slowly. Then his cool fingers slid up her arm and at the urge of grabbing him, in order to get him close to her, she snapped out of it and took a step back; her eyes growing filled with shock.  
  
Spike wanted to scream with raged impatience. Bloody hell! Who was she, Superwoman? He mentally frowned at himself. Okay, bad choice of character analogy, but still...! At least this time he had registered the impact he actually had on her. He had seen the desire make itself known deep in those pools of green and it had been sweet to see it. Now he knew for sure that with a few steps in the right direction she would be his. And that knowledge was something that he was certain had just set her on her path to witnessing her own fall. He loved it!  
  
"What's the matter?" he asked slowly, licking his lower lip before he let his mouth curl slightly.  
  
Buffy didn't answer him. Walking past him she disappeared through the doorway of the closet and the door slid shut behind her back.  
  
He smiled widely.  
  
Soon he would be able to do whatever he pleased with her. And he'd be sodding merciless.  
  
***  
  
19.33 p.m.  
  
This thing, batting its blue eyes at her as it rested in the pit of her stomach, scared her. Made her tremble. Made a small nausea rise in her throat. And still it was exhilarating. She couldn't call it anything but that.  
  
During the first two hours of chosen confinement in the closet, she had pushed any thought of that blue-eyed monster lurking in the back of her throat as far away from her as she could. She had wrestled with it on the moth-eaten holes of the mattress and she had won.  
  
But during the past hour she had been forced to deal with it. To face it. And as it slowly moved itself from a vague position somewhere beneath her bosom to seep into her mind she found herself letting it. Deep down it thrilled her, it excited her; it stirred something inside of her that the side of her, shying away from everything that was linked to the darker parts of the Slayer in her, rebelled against.  
  
It was indeed exhilarating.  
  
And the side of her it provoked to awaken, that side couldn't help but reach out to grasp this opportunity. And she wanted to ignore it, but it would stay dormant no more. Her tries were fruitless and as her stomach signaled her need for dinner she closed her eyes with a groan.  
  
Then she got to her feet with a huff of irritation.  
  
This was what he wanted. She knew it! He wanted her to grow insecure with herself, and she wouldn't. She could tackle this; it wasn't as though it was beyond her control. It wasn't as though whenever she saw him she wanted to throw herself at his feet. As though she couldn't face him.  
  
Nothing had changed between them. She did hate him. He was everything that was bad for her, he stood for everything that was in complete disagreement to who she was. He wasn't even... No, he wasn't even attractive - he was just a manipulative... harsh-looking... evil...  
  
Anger blossomed in her chest as she came to the conclusion that all this fretting had been solely caused by HIM. He had made her think that it was something within HER, when that was nothing but whatever seed he had been able to plant there. Doubt in herself so that she'd crumble beneath his gaze the next time he rested it in hers, well, she'd not stand for it!  
  
Giving the wall a harsh push the door slid to the side and she marched through it.  
  
"What have you done?" she demanded as he turned to her with a rather surprised look on his face when she stopped before him.  
  
He narrowed his eyes questioningly.  
  
"Is it some sorta vampire thrall?" she asked cheekily, taking a step closer threateningly and at that he raised his eyebrows, looking rather amused.  
  
"I don't know what you're bloody talking about," he replied and she gave him a dark look.  
  
"Stop with the cockiness," she said, voice lowered and the smirk he bore widened slightly.  
  
Taking a step forward he slowly placed himself less than an inch from her and she tilted her head back, her eyes growing defiant in a way that just drove him to the brink of wild and before he could really understand what he was doing and why he chose the moment to do it, he reached up his hands and placed them on either side of her face.  
  
Her eyes did grow just a little, and her mouth did fall open ever so slightly as if to ready itself to make the protest; and then her hands placed themselves against his stomach with all their heat just spreading from her fingers and through his skin.  
  
He closed his eyes at the sudden delicacy of the sensation.  
  
She stared up at him, the feel of his surprisingly gentle touch reaching her every nerve and before her, he changed. As his eyes closed his whole face softened and the humanity on him in that moment made her draw a shaky breath. She could see him, the man he once had been, and it made her tear away from him with something not very short of a disgusted growl.  
  
He was nowhere near human, and as he opened his eyes again the gleam in them brought her back to reality. A reality where he was one of her most dangerous enemies. A reality where she had no place losing her head over simple tricks of light.  
  
He smiled, the self-assurance not leaving him as he carefully tilted his head to one side, eyeing her.  
  
"What the hell is it you want?" she asked, voice trembling lightly with lingering anger.  
  
"No... What is it YOU want?" he asked back and she clenched her jaws together tightly as the rush of insecurity once more billowed through her.  
  
He took a step forward and she shook her head.  
  
"Get away from me," she said, jaw line tightened as well as her posture.  
  
"That's not what you want," he disagreed silently and she swallowed again.  
  
He approached her, cautiously, not wanting to push her and yet wanting her to face the facts before her. She wanted him, nothing else. He could sense it. He could scent it in the air. The atmosphere was loaded and it was simply irresistible. Stopping once more close to her he kept his eyes in hers.  
  
"Well, I don't want this," she tried, about to put her hands up to get him away again when he caught her wrists in mid-air and held them tight as she fought to get loose. "Let GO!" she exclaimed, frustrated, and he smiled calmly.  
  
"A snare only gets stronger the more a prey struggles against it," he remarked and she slowly settled down, her heart beating rapidly in her chest and the jugular at each side of her throat pump-pumping with hypnotic regularity.  
  
He could see it out of the corner of his eye and he let her gaze go to fix his own upon that spot right beneath her skin. Her chest was connecting with his now and it heaved with every new breath. Her eyes didn't leave his face, the hatred burning its black fire in them as she waited to make her move.  
  
And then he dipped his head forward, sliding his cheek against hers before his lips connected with her jaw line. She drew a breath, her eyes growing wide at the sudden jolt of heat originating from the spot to spread through her. His mouth continued down the side of her throat until it was resting against the pulsating string of life and there he parted his lips; and at the feel of his tongue pressing against her sensitive skin before slowly licking it, her fingers dug into the fabric of his black T-shirt and grabbed fistfuls of it, clenching it tightly as she drew another breath.  
  
Oh, God, this can't be happening, she thought to herself as she closed her eyes.  
  
His hands let go of her wrists and in that moment she saw her escape, her salvation. She would have to be her own savior, there was no one else. Collecting herself she let his T go before shoving him backwards hard. He quickly found his balance, his eyes glittering with humor and triumph and she needed so badly to wipe those expressions off of him, only she had no idea how to do it.  
  
"Let it go, Buffy," he said and she glared at him. "Stop fighting me, love."  
  
"Why are you pushing this? One more notch in your twisto belt?" she inquired, almost accusingly.  
  
He merely replied with a smile and it held all the answer she could possibly want.  
  
"I thought me touching you would have you just as grossed out as you touching me has me," she stated, putting her hands on her hips in a challenging gesture.  
  
"That's what makes it all the more fun," he replied and she made a face of discomfort.  
  
"You are a sick, sick individual," she said and he smirked again.  
  
"Mhm. Might be," he shrugged, then he fixed those azure blues upon her again as he added: "But I don't 'gross you out', Buffy. I can feel your responses to my touch."  
  
Her face grew stale and then she seemed to adopt an air of pure self- confidence which was so abruptly there that it had him rather surprised. She smiled a sugary smile.  
  
"Really?" she asked and he cocked an eyebrow before nodding.  
  
"Double-sodding-really," he confirmed.  
  
"You're losing it," she stated. "The only way I 'respond' is by my gagging reflex."  
  
"Oh, is that how you wanna play this out, then?" he asked, his stance getting dangerous in the gloomy room as he once more approached her slowly. "Denial?"  
  
She smiled a crooked smile, her posture not wavering this time and he wondered where this sudden strength had stemmed from. He'd enjoy breaking it down, that was for sure.  
  
Buffy followed his movements as he circled her once before stopping before her. Controlling her heart was the main thing to focus on. Her skin still had the scorch-marks of where his lips had touched it before, and the sensation still burned right beneath it. She was a better actress than he could even imagine.  
  
And if she so had to beat the lie into her own skull - all that mattered now was believing that he didn't get to her. He-did-not-get-to-her.  
  
He leaned forward, she swayed back slightly and at the glint in his eyes she quickly got herself back to the position she had just been in. Their foreheads practically connected. She didn't move her gaze from his for a second as he took a step into her. Fighting the urge to run her hands up those taut biceps of his she had the indifferent expression of a bored shopkeeper and Spike was falling for it, she could see it in his eyes.  
  
His nose brushed against hers and she strained her own eyes to not close as he moved his head slightly.  
  
His lips barely touched hers and then he smiled again.  
  
"Ready to play that other game, love?" he asked quietly and her heart skipped a beat at that question.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ****************************************************************************  
  
Oh, wow! It is so great to have any reviews at all, but when you have as many as this to read then you fly! Thanks a lot! I hope that you enjoyed this chapter as well. Hehe, pardon my smirk, but I really enjoyed writing it. Things are firying up rather nicely, hope you agree. ;) Just thanks a LOT for the ecnouragement!  
  
Special, special thanks to Charlie (On OneCardDraw: I am SO glad you like it!!! Hehe. Thanks for leaving your mark!), LizDarcy (Thanks a lot! And have to ask...you a fan of Pride and Prejudice?) ;), LILI :), VampiresKiss (hehe), Heather (hope this'll keep you addicted) :), Belladonna *grin*, Alyssa (darn, you found me out! I hope this might've been less of a torture!) ;), Haley (Hehe, glad you approve and thanks my friend!), jen (more action to come, and thanks!) :), mulderluva (aw, thanks for that comment! And of course!) ;), wendy (thanks!), msu (thanks for both reviews! I'm glad you're liking it!!! And haha, yeah, he did notice that, didn't he?), Pine (that warmed my heart. Writing New Horizons was such great fun and I was so loving it that so many shared it with me! I'm glad you're still liking this!), Rose (happyhappy you like and I bow to that compliment, thank you! And hey, 'course you get a mention!) ;), Spuffygirl (haha, your comment made me smile wide. Well, I'm just glad you like it! Thanks a lot!).  
  
Well, I hope this was fast enough! I sure will try my best to make it even quicker if I have a flow of reviews such as this! Thanks a lot y'all! You're the best!  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	7. That Other Game Part One

***********************************TRaPPeD**********************************  
  
Seven: That Other Game - Part One  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-03-21  
  
****************************************************************************  
  
Day Two.  
  
7.56 p.m.  
  
She didn't move, she didn't breathe, and she really didn't want to be looking into his eyes, but she was unable to take her gaze from his as the question quivered in the stillness before slowly sinking in. He took a small step back; removing his closeness, his mouth, his eyes and she finally drew a small breath as she could let herself relax slightly. Then she shook her head a little and crossed her arms over her chest.  
  
"I'm not gonna play anything what so ever with you," she stated and he put on an insulted expression before he replied:  
  
"You bloody well will."  
  
She looked very calm as she observed him in silence. It was needless to say anything, since the stern look on her face said it all, and he narrowed his eyes before taking a step closer to her again. This time she took one back, unwrapping her arms and having her gaze grow into nails and splinters.  
  
He smirked.  
  
"You know," he said, leaning back slightly and letting his eyes run up and then down her body as though she was a prize to be had - adding: "I like that look on you. Lethal. Kinda reminds me of Dru when she was at her peak."  
  
Buffy's clenched fist connected with his jaw in the next instant and his head bopped to his left. He chuckled, grabbing the spot with his right hand before he turned his head back to face her. Her eyes were glowing with fury now and he nodded.  
  
"Like I said - this look just suits you... Makes you almost intimidating. Bloody hell, Slayer...if you wore this a bit more often maybe not so many Big Bads 'd try and take over this stinkin' town," he stated and she hit him again.  
  
This time his head bopped to his right and he came close to losing his balance as the hit was holding a whole new range of fierceness.  
  
"Wow," he complimented, moving his aching jaw as he once more faced her, "you can be kinda powerful when you put your whole mind to it. How come you've gone easy on me all these years?"  
  
This time his hand caught her fist and he twisted her arm back and behind her as he pulled her tight against him. She stared up at him with such a blinding rage she could hardly see straight and then she jumped up and wrapped her legs harshly around his waist. The movement made him stumble and then fall backwards. They hit the floor with a hard thump and in this new position she was straddling him, causing a slow, mischievous glimmer to appear in his eyes, then he taunted:  
  
"You sure you're ready for this?" as he smirked before he looked down at their crotches pressed together. She twisted out of his grip and got to her feet.  
  
"You disgust me," she replied. "And I can't stand you. Now stay the hell away from me."  
  
Turning she walked into the closet space and the door closed behind her.  
  
He huffed, sitting up. If she thought he was supposed to just back down after what he had seen in her eyes she really did have more than one screw loose. Getting to his feet he brushed the dust casually off of him as he approached the closed door.  
  
"I thought you had some sorta code of honor," he said to it. "Make a promise - you don't break it, that sorta thing. Sod it, Buffy," he added, "'cause I sure as hell wouldn't 've acted like some spoiled brat if I'd lost the draw. I'd 've given you my lighter without a second thought 'cause that's the way of the game..."  
  
The door opened and she faced him with a cold glare.  
  
"'Spoiled brat'?" she asked.  
  
"Well, yeah," he smirked again, leaning against the doorframe and watching her for a second before he added: "You want everything the way you want it WHEN you want it. But the real world doesn't work like that... How old are you again? Sixteen? Seventeen?"  
  
Her eyes grew with indignation.  
  
"Nineteen," she replied. "Soon..." she added, voice wavering and his smirk widened. "What are you so damn gloat-y about anyways?" she snapped, brushing past him as she re-entered the basement. "You're old enough to be my great-great-grandfather or something and you're running around acting like you actually think... Like you actually BELIEVE..." trailing off she met his gaze and he tilted his head to the side with a questioning expression in his eyes.  
  
"I know you feel something," he stated with a shrug. "It's like in that movie where Richard Gere says to Julia Ormond 'I can see when a woman wants me'."  
  
"Oh...my God," she breathed, her voice appalled. "You should eat another bag of blood 'cause your brain cells must be deteriorating, and fast too," she added.  
  
He merely smiled and she wanted to get rid of the smug knowledge it seemed to hold.  
  
God, he was out of his mind. She did NOT want him. Just looking at him made her want to pull a shade down before her eyes so she'd get away from the sight of him. He was delusional! So, for a second he had been able to actually twist her mind and his touch had felt... not so vile... But hello! Man, he was annoying.  
  
"So," he said now, biting his lower lip slightly and taking a step forward before adding: "Prove it. Play with me."  
  
She gave him a sideways glare at that, shaking her head a little and then sighing.  
  
"Will you give this stupid mission to... whatever... up if I do?" she asked and he cocked an eyebrow. She turned to him with another look his way. "PROVE it, I mean," she remarked and he smiled widely.  
  
She didn't like that smile. In fact it sent a small shiver of discomfort down her spine.  
  
"All right," he said with one nod.  
  
"'All right' what?" she asked and he hesitated.  
  
"All right I'll give the mission to whatever up if you play with me," he then elaborated.  
  
"Stop saying it like that," she muttered grouchily, walking up to the mattresses and taking a seat as he approached her.  
  
"Saying what like how?" he wondered, stopping before her and there was a moment of contemplating what to answer before she slowly tilted her head back to look up at him.  
  
"'Play with me'," she said, mimicking his suggestiveness as best she could manage and he smirked.  
  
"You're pretty sodding good at that," he commented, turning around and having a seat beside her - though not next to her - and she turned her head slightly to be able to look at him.  
  
"Good at what?" she asked and his smirk broadened.  
  
"Oh... I think you know," he replied and she turned her gaze out of his with a small frown.  
  
Clearing her throat lightly she then demanded:  
  
"So, what's the game?"  
  
"Truth or dare," he replied without even blinking and at that she got to her feet with the disbelief sketching itself across her face.  
  
"You cannot be serious," she stated and he raised both eyebrows.  
  
"I'm always deadly serious," he answered and she gave him a look as black as the night sky before she put her hands on her hips and said:  
  
"Cute, Spike. Real cute."  
  
He gazed up at her, once again tilting his head to the side and then he got to his feet.  
  
"You'll play, or you'll admit defeat - to me," he pointed out and her eyes grew with irritation.  
  
"Truth or dare is a game you play when you're thirteen and wanna know if the boy you like has a crush on you too," she stated now. "It's not the sorta game you play when... when..." not finding a good way to end the sentence she trailed off.  
  
"When you're stuck between a rock and a hard place?" he tried and she sucked in a deep breath through her nose, getting ready to just scream her lungs out with frustration, and then his chuckle stopped her.  
  
She HATED that damn noise!  
  
"You're unbelievable," she muttered.  
  
"Ah, I seem to recall me saying the very same thing about you," he nodded and she bit her jaws together. "Returning of favors?"  
  
"There are no 'favors' between you and me," she replied, voice lowered and laced with anger. "This is totally inappropriate," she added and he merely gave her a look saying save-it. "This is completely obscene!" she grumbled.  
  
"You wanna sing the song of complaint there, Slayer... Or 'prove' me wrong?" he asked and she looked up at him with growing determination.  
  
"Fine. Truth...no matter how ridiculous it seems...or dare it is," she agreed, reaching out a hand to him and he did the same, slipping his fingertips over her palm - she stubbornly ignored the small whisper from a part of her awakened - before his fingers grasped her hand in a tight grip.  
  
They let go.  
  
Silence settled between them, shrugging its shoulders in wait for one of them to speak.  
  
Buffy finally did.  
  
"Any ground rules?"  
  
"No. No bloody rules," he shook his head and she cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"We can't do this just to do it," she stated. "It's totally absurd anyways. If you choose truth I'm sure you'll just lie..."  
  
"And if I choose dare?" he asked, the smile spreading on his lips combined with the sudden twirl of something warm in his gaze made the shiver she had experienced before rise again, though this time it spread like wings across her back and shoulders and the discomfort lifted with it.  
  
She swallowed.  
  
Thrall, she told herself. You'll have to fight it. You can fight it.  
  
"Okay," she mumbled, blinking and then getting a hold on herself. "We'll just say we get five questions each... First one to back down loses. The winner gets to state their prize and it can be absolutely anything that comes to mind... If there's a tie then we'll have to... keep asking," she finished and he smirked, then nodded.  
  
"Sound fair," he concurred.  
  
Silence once more waited as they eyed the other for a short minute.  
  
Spike wished he could straighten out the circling thoughts in his head. He wanted to make them all stand in a line so that he could have a long look at each of them and then simply discard any that didn't seem important or as though they mattered. But they refused to comply, they kept going round and around, and they were making him dizzy.  
  
She was making him dizzy and it vexed him.  
  
She was making him use the word "vex" which had him close to furious with her.  
  
Something was being turned upside down within him. Some vital part that he desperately needed to stay the way it was seemed to be carefully switching position and he struggled to keep it from doing so by thinking the most horrible, evil thoughts he could possibly think up.  
  
It wasn't working, though. His mind was focusing on something entirely different.  
  
On her.  
  
Once again, there she was. A disturbance. Turbulence on the frail route of his, up until this moment, sane mind. Well, he merely wanted her. And the least he could do for himself was to not show just how much she kept affecting him. Infecting him with her scent and the way she moved, how her lips had felt as he brushed his against them... Things she would never know, things he would NEVER tell.  
  
"I'll start," she muttered now and he was brought out of his thoughts as he watched her take a grumpy seat on the floor, glancing up at him and obviously expecting him to follow her movement.  
  
He slowly obliged, sitting down to face her.  
  
Buffy didn't know what the hell to ask him. There was nothing she felt compelled to know about him! Well, except...  
  
"Okay," she said, the light of interest flickering on in her eyes making him stiffen slightly. This might not have been sucha good idea. "Truth...or dare?"  
  
If he chose truth... Well, he could lie, of course. Somehow something told him that he wouldn't, though. That he couldn't. He loved to cheat. He always cheated. It was a bit more edge in it, just a tad more of a gamble. But this time...  
  
If he chose dare, on the other hand. He couldn't cheat his way out of doing whatever it was she would call on him to do and...  
  
"Truth," he replied and she cocked an eyebrow, the smile spreading made him feel the need to gulp.  
  
"What's your darkest fear?" she asked.  
  
Bloody sodding buggering hell!  
  
"I don't have one," he answered much too fast and she gave him a meaningful look.  
  
Lie, you wanker! It's just the Slayer. Not a lie detector! She won't know!  
  
But that something that somehow had spoken up before seemed sure that somehow she would know.  
  
"Bollocks," he muttered. "My darkest fear, eh?" She nodded, the intrigued anticipation on her face made him clench his jaws together. He didn't know why he said what he did, wasn't sure where the words came from, but as he spoke them he knew that he meant them. "My darkest fear is that, in the end, I'll always be alone... It won't matter what I do, where I go, who I'm with... I'll just feel lonely. Forever."  
  
She stared at him.  
  
"That's the saddest thing I've ever heard," she said, the trace of irony in her voice making him glare at her.  
  
"Well, look-see bleeding here then, Slayer," he replied, "at where we're at. At where the hell I'M at. Trapped in here with you FOREVER! Talk about feeling lonely. You're icier than the bloody fridge."  
  
She smiled a gentle smile at that, the sarcasm this time seeping through her features made him want to shake her hard.  
  
"My turn," he then grumbled. "Truth or dare, precious?"  
  
"Truth," she answered, seemingly very sure of herself.  
  
"The first time we met," he said and she blinked as the memory danced within the frame of her mind, "I scared you. Didn't I?"  
  
She remembered him then. How a stranger in a leather duster and with bleached hair had looked at her with his piercing blue eyes, commending her on a job well done before stating that he was going to kill her.  
  
She shivered.  
  
"Yes," she mumbled. Then she shook her head to clear it and turned her gaze into his. "Yeah, you did," she added with a little less breathlessness. "All right?!"  
  
He smirked.  
  
"How much?" he wondered and she put up one index finger saying:  
  
"Don't push it. Besides, MY turn."  
  
He waited as she thought for a few seconds, then she seemed to decide before she asked the question for the second time:  
  
"Truth or dare."  
  
Well, look where the hell truth had gotten him.  
  
"Dare," he sighed and her face was graced with a smile.  
  
"Oh...bloody hell," he mumbled at the sight of it.  
  
"I want you to stand on your hands and cluck," she said and his eyes grew.  
  
"Cluck?!" he exclaimed.  
  
"Like a chicken," she nodded.  
  
"I most bloody certainly will NOT!" he replied.  
  
"Then I get to name my prize," she remarked and he got to his feet, walked up to the wall and quickly got himself prompted up against it - upside down.  
  
Buffy was already giggling.  
  
"Now...cluck," she demanded and once he started she began to laugh.  
  
"Are you bleeding well satisfied?!" he finally growled and she took a deep breath, then nodded and he let himself down.  
  
Swirling around he walked up to her and she rose to her feet, still smiling brightly.  
  
"That was one of the best performances I've seen from you, Spikey," she teased.  
  
"And you haven't even begun to experience them," he replied and her smile minimized in size at the light tremble running through her as her brain worked though the insinuation of that statement.  
  
"Truth?" he now asked. "Or dare?"  
  
She swallowed. The sudden demanding expression in his eyes showed that he wanted redemption.  
  
Fast.  
  
"Truth," she answered, hesitant and unsure.  
  
"Was Angel your first?" he asked and she looked at him, taken off guard by that question.  
  
"Boyfriend?" she wondered and he shook his head.  
  
"Was he the first you ever shagged," he elaborated and she frowned at the crudeness of that blunt inquiry.  
  
"Why the hell do you wanna know that?" she asked and was about to turn from him when he grabbed her upper arm harshly, making her stop and look up at him.  
  
"I want an answer," he said, "or I'll be the one claiming my prize."  
  
She bit her jaws together.  
  
"Yes," she then confirmed. "He was my first."  
  
"You know... Angelus said something about the event," Spike now stated and suddenly her eyes grew vulnerable as she tried to tug her arm free from his grip. "The little he could feel of it," the bleached vamp continued, pulling her closer as he leaned forward and then whispered: "It wasn't pretty."  
  
She tore loose with a yell, taking a few steps back and away from him.  
  
"Truth or dare?" she demanded, voice quivering slightly and he shrugged.  
  
"Ah, why not pick the truth this time?" he wondered with a small smile.  
  
"Then I wanna know, Spike," she said, her strength coming back to her as she took a step forward again, "I wanna know why the hell you think you can judge me, when all you've ever known of 'love' - as you call it - has been the chilled embrace of your crazed ex-girlfriend? A hell-bitch extraordinaire, who not only dumped you for Angel - but drove you as far as coming to ME for help in getting her back. If anything, I'd say THAT wasn't pretty at all."  
  
He took a step forward, his eyes hard and she met his gaze with such a lack of respect it made him see red.  
  
"Shut up," he replied. "You don't know a sodding thing 'bout me and Dru."  
  
She smirked.  
  
"Aw, poor Spike, still dwelling on the past. You're afraid to be lonely? You're a killer. A murderer. A demon." She huffed. "Do you think anyone could ever actually WANT to be near a creature like you? Unless she's completely brain dead or a raving bimbo like Harmony," she added and he cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"There's a difference?" he asked and the Slayer couldn't help but smile a crooked smile before she suppressed it and the anger came back into full view. "You know what I mean when I speak of loneliness," he then stated. "Sometimes you feel outside your own crowd, looking in on them. Watching over them. Constantly. It's a responsibility, innit? And not an easy one. So, when you crawl beneath the sheets at night and rest your little head on your soft pillow you feel it. I know you do. That creeping notion that no matter what, when it all comes to a close you'll be standing on one side - the stronger side - and you'll be fighting for your friends, to keep them alive. And not WITH your friends."  
  
She swallowed.  
  
"Stop it," she grumbled, shaking her head and taking her gaze out of his.  
  
"I can judge you," he now said silently, "'cause in a way - you and me - we're exactly the same."  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ****************************************************************************  
  
Oh, wow, you guys. *smiles widely* When a story is doing well it just gets you so high, you know? Thanks ever so much, y'all! I can't even begin to describe the feeling, it's too GREAT! I luv it! And I HOPE you liked this chapter as well.  
  
Special thanks to Alyssa, Renee, LILI, mulderluva, Luna, Haley, LizDarcy (oh, yes, I LOVE that book. Have you seen the BBC series w/ Colin Firth? Yum!), Captain and Fearless Leader, Pine, SpikeyZebra, Reader, Falcon-Rider (hi!) and Heather - thank YOUUUUU! Luv y'all!  
  
Well, part two of this chapter has yet to be written and you know how fast my fingers can work with a bitta encouragement! ;) I don't wanna get self- confident here and so I just have to keep askin' it of ya!  
  
Thanks again and...  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	8. That Other Game Part Two

***********************************TRaPPeD**********************************  
  
Eight: That Other Game - Part Two  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-03-23  
  
****************************************************************************  
  
Day Two.  
  
8.37 p.m.  
  
"I am nothing like you," she got out between tightened jaws and a small smile drew across his lips.  
  
"It's the irony of our relationship, pet," he began to disagree, continuing with: "In a sense you're me and in a sense I'm you - and it makes us hate the other even more. I'm night, you're day. They're not supposed to exist at the same time in one place - but you and me..." He tilted his head to one side. "We do."  
  
"You're contradicting yourself," she stated, the displeasure she was under evident in her tone and he drew a small breath in impatience, squaring his shoulders as he eyed her for a few seconds. "Night and day are each other's absolute opposites and..."  
  
"They complete the other," he filled in, nodding slowly as she took on a look of protest.  
  
"That's a very poor choice of words," she pointed out and he smirked.  
  
"You're right," he now agreed.  
  
"'Cause to 'complete' the other there would have to be a hint at me not being able to be without you," she continued. "And that you can't stand being away from me, and we both know that's a big, fat lie."  
  
His smirk broadened.  
  
"You're right," he repeated. "It was a bloody poor choice of words... Or of a metaphor. But I think you know what I mean."  
  
She crossed her arms over her chest, getting a sudden playful look in her gaze as she replied sarcastically:  
  
"Yeah. The sun in me lights up parts of you that you didn't even know existed."  
  
His eyes grew slightly at that and he was about to respond when she shrugged, unwrapping her arms and taking a step forward as she said:  
  
"And you bring out the darker, more hostile, more in-need-of-a-good-kill parts of me that I'm usually very able to leash. That's the irony, right? I make you wanna..." she took another step forward, reaching out a hand and placing it against his chest as she tilted her head back to meet his gaze, finishing: "be good. While you make me need to be bad... wanting to KILL you even though you're completely impotent."  
  
Grabbing her wrist in a tight grip he moved her hand away from him as he pulled her closer, staring down into her eyes with growing anger. She merely smiled.  
  
"What?" she asked, meeting his gaze with hers challenging. "I hit a nerve?"  
  
"Did I?" he retorted and she raised her eyebrows.  
  
"You couldn't even if you TRIED," she assured, voice lowered and they eye- battled for what seemed like an hour, none of them able to declare themselves the winner before he released her wrist and she took a step away from him.  
  
"It's my turn," he stated and she glared at him.  
  
"Why not just drop it?" she asked, the stupid game seemed to be taking them places neither one of them wanted to journey to - especially not in the company of the other - and she was getting tired of it.  
  
"You wanna throw in the towel?" he asked and she grumbled.  
  
"Just ask," she muttered.  
  
"You know the ques-..."  
  
"Dare," she cut him off and he cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"Really?" he wondered and she narrowed her eyes, her heart beginning to pick up its pace in her chest and then she straightened her posture slightly before nodding.  
  
"Really," she confirmed.  
  
"Then stand completely still," he said and she blinked, furrowing her brow questioningly. "I mean it," he said. "I dare you to not move one single...muscle," he added, slowly approaching her and she didn't like the look in those blue eyes one bit.  
  
He all but licked his lips and she struggled with her breathing as it was slowing and growing slightly heavy with sudden anticipation. He didn't stop until he was right in front of her, inching closer he reached out a hand and placed it lightly on her right hip. She kept eye contact, trying to look as threatening as possible; as hateful as possible... But as his hand slid inside her shirt she had to swallow hard.  
  
This wasn't going the way she had been sure it would. A small throb was making itself known in her midsection and her heart was quickening painfully in her chest as his thumb graced the side of her bellybutton before his hand traveled up over the sensitive skin right next to the place of her heart.  
  
The air slowly left her lungs in silent indignation as his thumb this time slid over the softness of her left breast and then carefully teased the already hard nipple. She closed her eyes in concentration. Wanting to will back all the sudden emotions being stirred within her. Wanting to tell herself that it was a mere reaction to the touch...not to the touch from HIM.  
  
This was simply unthinkable. What was happening wasn't happening. She was having some sort of a nightmare.  
  
His other hand was at the small of her back and she found herself pushed closer to him, his muscular upper body against her chest, and she felt light-headed.  
  
No.  
  
"Spike," she practically breathed, putting her hands up against his shoulders and opening her eyes to look up at him with a meek shake of the head.  
  
For three dragged out seconds he looked back at her, and then he leaned forward. His lips met hers and she made a small noise in objection, her hands pushing against his shoulders as she tried to lean away from him. But the hand previously at the small of her back had sometime during the whole stare-into-her-eyes scenario made its way up to the nape of her neck instead, and she couldn't pull her mouth away from his.  
  
His lips parted and before she knew it his tongue had parted hers.  
  
No!  
  
Struggling she grabbed at his T, wanting to shove him away, but in actuality only pulling him closer. And she was kissing him back. Her tongue harsh in its dance with his and she felt the hunger for him let hear a roar inside of her.  
  
At the sound of it she opened her eyes and finally got him off of her. Got him away from her. Or should that be herself away from him?  
  
She wouldn't dwell. All she knew was that he had just used this absolutely idiotic game to put her in a situation that had her completely appalled with herself, and even more disgusted by him.  
  
"What the hell?!" she exclaimed, watching him slowly wipe his mouth with the back of his hand, his whole body saying how convinced he was now - how much she had just restored his faith in the fact that no matter what, he had been right. She wanted him. "What the hell do you think you're doing?!" she demanded and a smirk spread on his face.  
  
"An invitation to refresh your memory?" he asked, the cockiness in every word making her boil.  
  
"I hate you," she replied, voice trembling.  
  
"Hate can be a greater aphrodisiac than love," he remarked and she was shaking with irritation.  
  
"If you think for one second that..."  
  
"It's your turn," he interrupted and her eyes grew slightly. "I got what I wanted," he added and her gaze turned darker. "You took the dare... Now it's your turn."  
  
She ground her teeth.  
  
"Truth or dare," she mumbled and he looked at her, eyed her in such an unnerving way that she had to strain herself not to move or take her gaze out of his.  
  
"Truth," he then answered.  
  
She grew quiet for nearly a minute. Observing him in the same manner as he had her through the thick silence before she finally asked:  
  
"Why did Drusilla leave you?"  
  
'When I look at you...all I see is the Slayer.'  
  
He blinked, then turned from her and walked up to the wall below The Window, tilting his head back to gaze up at it and through the boards at the blackness outside.  
  
"I left her," he then replied. "She was cheating... going around all..."  
  
"But you went to get her back..." Buffy remarked, mumbling, and he turned around again. She met his gaze. "And you're still moping over her. So, again... why did she leave you, Spike?"  
  
He swallowed, opening his mouth to reply, but nothing would come out.  
  
"I'm not sure," he finally admitted. "It's not like she wrote it down in a manual and bloody handed it to me on a platter," he added and Buffy stared at him, rather surprised.  
  
"That's it?" she asked and he sighed.  
  
"As far as I know," he muttered.  
  
"You're lying," she said.  
  
His face didn't change; his expression calm.  
  
"No," he then assured. "I'm not."  
  
"I don't believe you," she shot and he looked at her, then smiled a little.  
  
"Do you think I care?" he wondered and she broke eye contact with a huff, crossing her arms over her chest. "I can't give you a better answer," he now said, approaching her again and stopping a few feet away from her as he finished: "unless you want me to lie."  
  
She glared at him at that.  
  
"This time I choose truth," she stated and he raised his eyebrows.  
  
"All right," he nodded. "Would you rather have me kill you, than touch you again?"  
  
She took a step back, the taken expression on her face showed how unexpected that had been and he waited for her answer.  
  
Death. Spike's hands. Death. Spike's lips. Death. Spike's tongue... Death... Spike's body pressed against her own... Death... Spike... Death............ Spike............ Death...  
  
"Yeah, I'd rather have you kill me," she answered and he smirked widely.  
  
"That can be arranged, you know," he nodded and she put on a less amused expression than his at that.  
  
His smirk consisted.  
  
Le petite morte.  
  
She blinked.  
  
Stupid French. She hardly learned anything at all from it and THAT had to stick?  
  
"Why, cutie, I believe you're blushing," he now teased and she was brought back from her musings as though she had had a cold shower.  
  
"I'm going to bed," she said.  
  
"We're not done yet," he pointed out and she sighed.  
  
"Then we'll finish it tomorrow. Eternity awaiting and all that, I don't think it really matters," she replied and he shrugged.  
  
"Fine. It's your turn. One more each and then we have to declare it a tie, you know?" he said, watching her as she walked up to the door into the closet space.  
  
The door slid shut behind her with a quiet click and he felt the need the laugh to himself. Suppressing it he walked up to the mattresses and threw himself on them. This being enclosed in tight and dreary old places might actually have its perks. He was getting to her... Problem was SHE was getting to HIM. Ah well, nothing good that doesn't have a little bad in it.  
  
So, this was how it was. Spend a little time in an environment with only objects you can't stand sooner or later you get to a state of toleration, and then further into a state of actually needing them to be there, needing to see them - to be able to touch them... and then...  
  
"Bloody hell," he seethed. "We've been in here for TWO DAYS. It feels like two bloody months to me. Sodding spell. Buggering bitch. Stupid bint. Bloody..."  
  
"Stop SWEARING!" she yelled through the door. "I can't sleep."  
  
"'I can't sleep'," he mimicked her, agitated, and then he rolled over on his side, closing his eyes.  
  
She closed her eyes as well. Trying to concentrate on her breathing. On anything else than the thought of that kiss.  
  
Tomorrow she had to have a battle plan or she would lose this war.  
  
And she knew she couldn't afford to lose it. Not to him.  
  
***  
  
Day Three.  
  
10.00 a.m.  
  
He woke with a start, rolling over onto his back and his eyes meeting hers. He sat up straight, sure that it was some sort of ambush and he was done for.  
  
"Mornin'," she said cheerfully and he blinked as the memory of where he was and what had occurred during the past two days had its display in his head and he shook it to wake up.  
  
Then he squinted up at her.  
  
"'Mornin'?" he asked incredulously and her smile widened.  
  
"Grab some breakfast," she encouraged.  
  
"'Grab some breakfast'?" he once more adopted her words, getting to his feet.  
  
"Not very much in need for verbal showing-off this morning, are we?" she quipped, and he frowned.  
  
"Why are you in a good mood?" he asked.  
  
"The prospect of getting out of here does that to a person," she replied and his eyes grew.  
  
"When did we get a prospect?" he asked.  
  
"Last night," she answered. "I had a dream."  
  
"So did Dr. King and he was assassinated," Spike remarked dryly and she tilted her head to one side, smile dying as she grew impatient.  
  
"You're so slow," she muttered. "A Slayer dream, smart-ass. I dreamed that they're on their way."  
  
He raised his eyebrows, walking over to the refrigerator box, opening it and getting a bag of blood.  
  
"Right," he then said, voice sarcastic. "Of course. One of those. And did this 'dream' happen to detail exactly when 'they' might be getting here?"  
  
Her posture grew less reassured.  
  
"Well...no," she answered. "But they're coming!"  
  
"Oh, well, hoo-bloody-ray," he grunted, ripping the bag open and beginning to quickly devour the contents.  
  
"You know, if you were just a tad bit more... optimistic perhaps you wouldn't be so damn annoying," she stated and he raised his eyebrows again, swallowing the last of the blood and then throwing the bag with the others before closing the lid of the fridge again. "You're all oh-let's-just-wait- till-you-die-so-I-can-eat-you and your-dreams-don't-mean-anything-anyways and 'did-this-dream-happen-to-DETAIL-blah-blah-blah' and..."  
  
"What do you expect?!" he snarled. "I can't see our situation bloody improving in the near future and your attitude's giving me sodding frost bites."  
  
"Really?" she asked, almost offended and he blinked before nodding.  
  
"Hell yeah, really!" he confirmed and she cocked one eyebrow.  
  
"Truth or dare...?" she asked and he stared at her for a moment, then he took on the trademark cockiness.  
  
"Truth," he replied and she smirked.  
  
"Just how badly...and for how long...have you desired...me?" she inquired, voice lowered and her gaze holding his steadily.  
  
He watched her mouth curl into a small smile, watched her eyes hold the way of a temptress and he swallowed.  
  
"I do NOT bloody desire you, Slayer," he finally grumbled, lying through his teeth and not caring one bit. "I'd say YOU'RE the one who's carrying around secrets about pent up yearnings towards ME."  
  
She laughed.  
  
The sound clear in the dusty air and his eyes widened.  
  
"'Pent up yearnings'," she repeated. "I'll have to remember that phrase. That's just... priceless."  
  
He glared at her in something close to astonishment. What the hell was up with her? This was... a new side to her. He rather...liked it. Damn it!  
  
"Shut up," he muttered and she smiled once more.  
  
"Well, actually I think I'll choose dare this time. I think I put up with the most degrading one you could think of last night... So whatever else you have to throw at me I think I can take."  
  
He looked at her, then smiled.  
  
"I want you to dance," he said and she tried to keep a cool expression, tried to not look too taken aback by that request.  
  
"You want me to dance?" she asked and he nodded.  
  
"Real slow... and then maybe I WILL desire you, love," he replied and now her eyes grew with irritation.  
  
Damn her and her bad choices.  
  
She rested her gaze in his, and she felt a huge wave of determination weed out any other feeling; determination of getting that smug smirk off his face.  
  
"Have a seat," she offered with a small wave to the mattresses and he held her gaze for a second before he did as she suggested.  
  
She walked to stand on the floor, five feet away from him, facing him. She urged a tune into her head and wasn't sure which one it was, or if it in fact were several all jumbled up into a nervous mess in her head, but anyhow it was a good enough beat and she began to move to it. Slowly, as he had demanded.  
  
Spike stared at her. At how her curves gently flowed into each other and how her hands slid over the body that was their own. His mouth was almost watering and he squirmed slightly in his seat as his pants grew tighter. Biting his lower lip hard he tried to make the excitement fade, but it was no use.  
  
Her eyes were what got to him the most. The veil of seductive daze that rested over them under half-closed eyelids was too much for him. She was too much.  
  
He cleared his throat.  
  
"Okay, that's...enough," he murmured and she stopped, raising her eyebrows.  
  
"I've barely started," she said and he shook his head.  
  
"It's enough," he repeated.  
  
She eyed him for a few moments, then nodded.  
  
"Fine, it's your show," she replied. "I believe that makes it a tie."  
  
He nodded, not really willing to look at her any longer, but forcing himself to seem as normal and bored out of his mind as possible.  
  
"I guess we'll...keep going?" she asked and he nodded again, shrugging. "All right, so what do you want then? Truth or dare?" she now wondered.  
  
"T-..." he stopped himself. "Dare," he changed his mind and she crossed her arms lightly over her chest as she looked at him in a way that made his skin crawl with discomfort.  
  
"Then I want you," she said, voice lowered as she began to approach him, "to not even breathe."  
  
He swallowed as she stopped before him and then sunk down with one knee on either side of his thighs, straddling him. He stared at her as she met his gaze and then she smiled a much too sweet smile as she gently moved her hips forward, the attempt at getting his erection less noticeable being completely shot to hell and he moaned.  
  
Her smile turned into a smirk.  
  
"Don't-even-breathe," she repeated her instruction.  
  
"I don't...ever..." he mumbled.  
  
"Just shut up," she cut him off, leaning forward and slipping her tongue out to let it trace his upper lip.  
  
He struggled to not even blink, but his hands wanted to grab her. To get the fabrics separating their skin off. To glide over unfamiliar territory and claim it over and over as his own.  
  
Her tongue moved and glided over his lower lip before she let it continue down to his chin, kissing it she then slid her mouth down his throat.  
  
He closed his eyes. Sure that he would be able to take it. And then her lips parted at the place of his still jugular and as her teeth lightly scraped his skin he reached the brink of sanity, moving straight into the ripping need that was tearing him piece by piece apart.  
  
His hands moved of their own accord, grabbing her waist and tilting her over so that they both rolled to the side and he could place himself on-top of her. Then his fingers traveled up her arms to lock with hers in order to keep the former above her head, making it easier to pin her down.  
  
Buffy looked up at him with a mischievous expression on her face.  
  
"I kne-..." she began, but he cut the sentence short as his lips crashed down on hers and he parted them roughly with his tongue before he kissed her deeply.  
  
Her eyes grew with surprise, and then they closed as her fingers clasped his tightly. She returned the kiss without thinking. She simply did. It was too demanding not to. The heat was growing more intense by the second and her legs wrapped around his waist harshly.  
  
After a while of ongoing kissage he was the one to break it, pulling away from her to look down at her. The expression in her eyes caught him off guard. She looked victorious.  
  
"I KNEW there was more to it than you just wanting to get to me," she stated with a sudden smile. "You WANT me! Do you realize how absolutely disturbed that IS?!"  
  
He tore away from her with a growl, getting to his feet and she rose as well, although slower.  
  
"YOU want ME too," he said, facing her.  
  
"You tell yourself that, if it makes you feel better," she replied.  
  
"Don't patronize me!" he exclaimed and she giggled.  
  
"What should I do then? Pity you even more than I already do?" she inquired and he walked up to the wall, ramming a fist into the stone of it with a scream of fury.  
  
Buffy stared at him with a small twirl of shock, meeting his gaze as he swirled around.  
  
"You're so bloody stubborn it makes me feel ill!" he yelled. "What do you want?" he then asked. "It's my turn again," he elaborated at her uncomprehending gaze.  
  
"Oh...right," she said with a sigh at how quickly he was able to switch topics. "Truth," she then answered.  
  
"Then tell me, did Angel ever kiss you the way I kissed you just now?" he wondered and her eyes grew as she clenched her jaws together. "Or better yet - did he EVER get you to kiss him the way you just kissed me back?"  
  
"What makes you think it was real?" she asked and at that he stalked up to her.  
  
She looked up at him with a heart pounding adrenaline through every last vein. When he grabbed her she couldn't help but draw a sharp breath and as his hand moved over her stomach and further down, inside the hem of her pants her eyes grew wide.  
  
His fingers pushed away the thin fabric of her panties before they slid inside of her and her hands flew up to grasp his shoulders.  
  
"'Cause you're waiting for me, Slayer," he now answered her question. "Your juices are flowing over and you're just ready for me. It doesn't matter how much you loathe the idea, does it?" She groaned silently, closing her eyes. "It doesn't matter...what you tell yourself," he mumbled, growing fascinated with the play of pure pleasure on her features.  
  
Her brow slightly furrowed, her mouth slightly agape, the feel of her hands gripping him, her breathing erratic...arousing.  
  
"Should I stop?" he whispered and she slowly shook her head, eyes still closed and then she gasped, a tremble running through her and her hold on him tightened for a second before she slowly relaxed.  
  
As she leaned her forehead against his chest he pulled up his hand, placing it on her hip instead, and then he waited.  
  
"God damn it," she mumbled.  
  
"I'm sure He would," Spike stated and she raised her head.  
  
"That's not even funny," she replied.  
  
"I wasn't even trying," he shot and she bit her jaws together.  
  
"See, now you're irritating again," she sighed and he cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"Am I ever NOT?" he wondered and she narrowed her eyes.  
  
"Are you trying to be clever?" she asked back and he shook his head.  
  
"Not trying anything here," he assured and she looked up at him.  
  
"I don't want you," she stated.  
  
"I don't want you either," he concurred.  
  
"I can't stand you," she said and he shook his head.  
  
"I can't bloody well look at you without feeling the need to go straight into the sun," he then muttered.  
  
"Yeah," she huffed. "Right."  
  
He smirked and as she looked up at him something glimmered in his eyes that made her come to a conclusion. And a tentative smile made itself known on her lips before she broke eye contact, shaking her head a little.  
  
"Day and night, huh?" she asked, looking up at him again and he smirked wider.  
  
"That's us," he nodded.  
  
"Do you think they hate each other as much as we do?" she wondered and he tilted his head a little to one side, looking thoughtful for a second.  
  
"Why are you still in my arms?" he asked back instead of answering her question, and she seemed to grow self-conscious as she looked down at their chests still against the other's.  
  
Taking a step back she shook her head again.  
  
"I have to..." she mumbled, waving toward the closet before she turned from him and walked up to the doorway.  
  
"So, your little posse...it's really coming?" he asked and she turned partially to him before she nodded.  
  
"Yeah, soon we'll be outta here," she replied and he smiled a small smile of relief.  
  
That was good. Really good. This was spinning out of hand. Too far for him to reach. Two days felt like two months of nothing but her. What would it feel like after this day was over? The spell needed to be lifted. Patterns needed to be resurrected. Boundaries needed to once again be put up.  
  
The raving lust he felt was unhealthy.  
  
It was taking him over. Blinding him as to whom he was actually dealing with here.  
  
He should have taken his own advice. He should have held back. Because now he found himself losing his train of thought whenever he looked at her, losing himself in her. And maybe, just maybe, if they got out of there in time he'd be able to prevent it from going too far...  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ****************************************************************************  
  
Oh, feedback. The sweetest word in the English language. Thanks for giving me a reason to write it down. I honestly appreciate it, thanks a lot, you guys. I'm really glad you're still liking it.  
  
Now, I don't know what the matter with the combination of Monday, me and ff.net is, but once again I couldn't access the site this morning to post this chapter. Lovely. Well, I hope you will forgive me for the lateness and I hope that you enjoyed it nonetheless! ;)  
  
Special and warm thanks to LILI (hehe, glad you liked), VampiresKiss (*smile* I'm happy, hope you enjoyed!), ravanna (thanks for that! I believe this chapter answered your question.) ;), Pine (hi, you! Thanks for that, girl!), Heather (hey. *grinning widely* I am always happy to entertain.) :), Renee' (Haha, it's so great to read your thoughts! It's so great to plant them! Thanks for the compliments!), Haley (*smile*! Thanks, my friend.) ;), LizDarcy (Hey, thanks a lot for that! Yup, it's First Knight, and me too! I've seen the Hollywood one and I seriously didn't like it! But I haven't seen that other BBC production... Guess it's no loss then anyways?) and Rachel (Thanks a lot for the support, girl!) - just thank you all so much.  
  
Let me know what ya thought, k?  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	9. Attempting the Impossible

***********************************TRaPPeD**********************************  
  
Nine: Attempting the Impossible  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-03-25  
  
****************************************************************************  
  
Day Three.  
  
11.16 a.m.  
  
Buffy sat down slowly on the mattress. Her legs were trembling. She felt weak. Defeated. Shocked. Rattled. But most of all as though she had finally reached that final point, the tip of the knife, and she was through with this. No more. No more of his games, his mind-play, his thralls! Oh, this was all his fault!  
  
"Buffy..." his voice called and her head bopped up sharply as she stared at the closed door.  
  
"This ends now," she stated, getting to her feet. "Do you hear me?!"  
  
"Loud and clear, pet," he replied. "So, I guess you're admitting defeat? You didn't even answer my last question, so either way you turn it seems I stand as the..."  
  
"I mean it," she interrupted, "I'm not doing this anymore."  
  
He stopped in front of the door with a small smile, shaking his head.  
  
She could hear his fingers slide over the wood and a shiver of mixed pleasure and discomfort ran up her spine at the sound of it.  
  
"What are you gonna do?" he asked with a mocking huff. "Lock yourself in there? You don't have any food OR water so that doesn't sound like a very Slayeresque idea. Use your head, love. You can't stay in there forever."  
  
"I'm not going anywhere near YOU," she assured.  
  
"Why?" he asked, lowering his voice and she felt the irresistible urge to take the few steps up to the door.  
  
Following it before she had a chance to stop herself, she put her hand against it and felt his strength leak through the grains of wood separating their palms. She closed her eyes, shaking her head a little before she placed her forehead against the door as well.  
  
He was overcome by the sensation of her body heat reaching out for him, wrapping itself around him, even through the matter between them. He knew she was leaning against the door. It was as though it, in reality, was made of nothing but silk and her form fitted into his through it.  
  
"I didn't think the Slayer hid," he now murmured, placing his other hand against the door - feeling hers meet it on the other side.  
  
"But she does," she whispered, "when she's really..."  
  
Trailing off she moved her head to look up and she could have sworn she rested her gaze in his for one split second. And she could swear their fingers were linking together, that the door was falling away, that they were standing close again.  
  
Spike blinked. Was this real? He was practically convinced that he was feeling her as though she was...right there.  
  
Buffy closed her eyes again, standing on her toes she placed her lips against the place of his on the other side of the door. His mouth was irreversibly drawn to the very spot and she could feel his response. The small jerk in surprise, the pressure of his lips against hers as he met her kiss.  
  
The wood creaked with pain as the two beings pressed at it from opposite sides.  
  
Buffy was the one to break away with a sudden exclamation of annoyance and disgust with herself, with her constant failure!  
  
Spike took a step back as well, opening his eyes and staring at the door.  
  
"What the bloody...?" he grumbled.  
  
"You stay away from me!" she yelled.  
  
"Can't control yourself?" he asked, though it was more a simple reaction to what she had just said than it was meant to taunt her.  
  
He was too shaken for that himself; his eyes still transfixed on the door.  
  
"You - shut up!" she demanded and he could hear the frustration in her voice, as well as in the pacing she had started up.  
  
"There's just a couple of things before I do," he replied, the irritation with her slowly gaining power as she once again was having it her way. "First of all - when we get outta here you'd better get ready to deliver my prize, Slayer, 'cause there's no way in hell I won't claim it. Secondly - I HATE you. And thirdly... YOU stay the hell away from ME!"  
  
He turned and walked to the other side of the room, as far away from her as possible.  
  
Buffy stopped her walking at that third request, hoping that the glare she gave the door would sting him straight through it.  
  
Good, she then thought. Good. Perfect. Wonderful. He'll stay on his side, I'll stay on mine. Willow and Xander'll be here soon. Soon, soon, soon. And then this nightmare will be over with. 'Til then all I have to do is sit here. In the dark. Alone.  
  
With a sigh she threw herself on the mattress.  
  
Anything is better than HIM, she told herself.  
  
And she certainly did believe it.  
  
***  
  
2.03 p.m.  
  
He raised his head from where he was sitting - slumped against the wall facing the entrance to her hideaway - as the door slid to the side and she appeared.  
  
She met his gaze with one as hard and cold as his was. The lack of trust, the air of suspicious anticipation for anything at all to happen, was thickening the atmosphere as they eyed each other for a few seconds.  
  
Then she turned her gaze out of his as she walked up to the refrigerator box to get herself some lunch. She opened it, glancing at him over her shoulder in order to make sure he hadn't moved. He was making no attempt at getting up, and his eyes were resentful.  
  
She grabbed a bag of vegetables - there were only five more left, and then one of the six plastic boxes - this one containing chicken. Shutting the lid she turned to him again. His eyes hadn't left her for one second and now he slowly tilted his head back to rest it against the wall behind him. She moved up to the door and stopped in the doorway.  
  
The rivalry between them was evident.  
  
The silent challenge hung suspended by means of pure need to show which one was the stronger. The silent challenge of battle, of war, of what would happen once they were freed.  
  
She knew he'd fight even harder to get back to his old self again. And once he did they were going to have one final confrontation. And she would kill him. There was no two ways about it.  
  
She stepped into the closet space and slid the door shut, shutting him out and with him the thoughts that seemed set on distorting her peace of mind.  
  
***  
  
5.48 p.m.  
  
Spike barely moved as she once more entered his realm. This time she walked straight up to the bookcase standing facing the stairs and grabbed four bottles from the third shelf, counting from the top. He watched her as she turned and retraced her footsteps to the refrigerator box, stopping and kneeling beside the plastic box still containing her humble water supply. She quickly filled the bottles with the clear liquid, all of it now fitted into their bellies, and then she straightened her posture with a glance at him.  
  
He cocked an eyebrow.  
  
She rolled her eyes and once more disappeared into her own little nest.  
  
Spike shook his head at her.  
  
His plan had backfired, to say the least. Not only had he failed in making her buckle - because now she seemed more determined than ever. But he had also managed to deprive himself of his only weapon against her - his own rage. Drusilla's voice kept haunting him. Drusilla's statements of how he was surrounded by nothing but the bloody Slayer.  
  
She couldn't have been right!  
  
Buffy was...  
  
He closed his eyes.  
  
That BITCH wasn't even...  
  
Bloody hell. The only reason he craved her was because he couldn't have her. Once he had had her he would be able to let her go. It wasn't very complicated, was it? No. But now the worthless bint was all shacked up and away from him, on constant alert and... Sod it. HE had told HER to keep away just as she had him, and he had bleeding well meant it.  
  
What the hell had happened between them earlier? The whole touchy-feely- through-the-sodding-doory had thrown him clear cross his whole existence; he had never felt so connected to another creature throughout one century of roaming the world. Not even with Drusilla had he felt such unhinged and crazed power tugging at him from all around, and Dru had been his SIRE! There was no holier bond than that.  
  
He smirked.  
  
No, whatever the bond between him and the blonde goodness-queen was, it would never be holy, so on that aspect he was in the clear.  
  
But the rawness of that moment when their lips had met, and still not... It had been explosive. He knew she had felt it too.  
  
Just shake it off, he instructed himself impatiently. It's not like she's the one with the advantage. It's not like she's...  
  
He trailed off, uncertain as to how he could best finish that sentence.  
  
***  
  
Day Four.  
  
11.59 a.m.  
  
He had been awake for nearly four hours when she decided to reluctantly join him in the larger room, in order to get her breakfast. He met her gaze as she stepped out through the doorway and she squinted as she made a face of pain, putting up one hand by her right temple.  
  
"What's the matter, hon?" he asked with a smirk and she glared at him.  
  
"Nothing," she muttered. "Just have a headache."  
  
He tilted his head to one side, getting to his feet from the mattresses and she stopped short, turning to him with a shake of the head.  
  
"Don't even THINK it," she said and his smirk grew back on.  
  
Putting his hands up in a defensive gesture he took a step back.  
  
"Sorry, sorry," he replied. "Just have a trick that might help, but if you're so bloody offensive..." he added and she took her hand from her forehead to raise her eyebrows at him.  
  
"I don't think I'm interested in any more of your little tricks," she stated and the smirk became a wide smile. "And why would you wanna 'help' me?" she added with a huff, turning from him and to the fridge to get the lid open. "No, no, there's a hidden agenda somewhere there and you're crazy if you think I'll let my defense down simply 'cause you say you have some way of..."  
  
She interrupted herself abruptly as she turned around and found him suddenly much too close.  
  
"Spike!" she scowled, brushing away his hands as he was moving them toward her temples. "Don't touch me! Stop it," she protested and he grabbed her hands in stead, stopping their flailing.  
  
"Of course there's a hidden agenda," he now replied, forcing her arms down and giving her a look to just cut it out for a second.  
  
Her eyes grew grave with the warning in them, but as she seemed to calm down he let her hands go. Her heart was beating hard, though, and he smiled slightly at the sound of it.  
  
"I scratch your back..." he mumbled, stepping closer to her and she put her hands up against his chest, pushing him to take a small step back.  
  
He smirked knowingly and her gaze grew shaded with intolerance.  
  
"Stop," she said and he tilted his head to one side before reaching up his hands and placing the fingertips of his index- and middle fingers against her temples. "Spike," she objected, wanting to squirm away, but he grabbed her head and made her stop.  
  
"Just relax," he said. "I'll show you one of the better sides to the vampire world."  
  
She swallowed, then obliged against her own better judgment.  
  
He released her face and once more placed the said fingertips back at their previous positions. She closed her eyes as the tension slowly lifted from her brain and the ache dimmed until it vanished. It didn't take more than ten seconds and as he moved his hands away she opened her eyes again, meeting his gaze with one rather amazed.  
  
"Wow," she mumbled. "How did you...?" she trailed off, shaking her head.  
  
She didn't want to know.  
  
The small swirl his touch had caused to rise once more was enough for her to feel the need to just get herself something to eat and then get away from him again. It was strange to admit, but he held the most undeniable allure. She wouldn't have thought it of herself, that being able to reach out and pluck that forbidden fruit would have her almost maddened by the thought of simply sinking her teeth into it.  
  
Taste it...  
  
She cleared her throat, turning from him and getting the lid to the refrigerator box open.  
  
"Why don't you just... give in?" he asked slowly and her eyes grew.  
  
"What are you? A mind reader?" she muttered, biting her tongue in the next moment.  
  
"What did you just say?" he asked; the sound of bafflement in his voice made her turn back to him.  
  
"What's with the twenty questions?" she shot, wanting to cover up the huge mistake she had just made.  
  
"Mhm," he said - his eyes suddenly glinting with tease as he added, "maybe I picked the wrong game."  
  
"You know, I WAS scared after our first encounter," she now stated. "You scared me, I admit it. But I beat you. Over and over I had you on the run and now, Spike... Now you're not even a shadow of what you were back then. So just BACK the hell off and leave me alone, okay?"  
  
His eyes had grown harsh and now they glared at her, distantly cool.  
  
"What am I, then?" he asked, voice still lowered and he stopped her from turning around as he put an arm on either side of her before taking a step closer to press her up against the refrigerator's edge. "'Cause you're right... I'm not what I was back then, am I? You look at me now and what do you feel...? What do you feel?"  
  
His lips were practically brushing against hers.  
  
She clenched her jaws together, looking up at him.  
  
"I thought you wanted me away from you," she remarked and he met her gaze.  
  
"Ah, but I never wanted you close in the first place," he retorted and she gave him an iced look before she smiled slightly.  
  
"That's not what your body told me yesterday," she stated and he smiled as well.  
  
"And you never answered my question. Did he ever get you to kiss him back the way you did ME?" he shot.  
  
Once again their eyes locked and neither one of them was about to stand down.  
  
"If we both want it," he now said, his voice growing coarse and she stared up at him, "why should we suffer?"  
  
"That's the difference between you and me," she replied. "I will never give in to you, while you've already surrendered to me."  
  
At that he grabbed her, his jaws clenched together at the pain running up the back of his head but he didn't release her. The tips of their noses touched as he held her gaze relentlessly. The subtle fury on him was practically tangible.  
  
Then he pushed her away as he took a step back.  
  
She turned from him, retrieved her breakfast, shut the lid of the fridge and walked up to the doorway. Disappearing through it the door moved to close behind her.  
  
He screamed out his rage.  
  
With her and with himself.  
  
***  
  
8.10 p.m.  
  
The basement was dark. He lay on his back and stared at the ceiling. The broken pipe hung in the air like some stiffened snake, covered with steel and copper. There was a slow drip coming out of its gape and he had spent the past half hour watching the droplets form and then gently fall through the air to hit the ground with a plop. There was a dark spot where their water was excitedly trying to form a pool - though they were simply too small to ever succeed.  
  
He wondered what she was doing.  
  
What she was thinking.  
  
And then there was a low clonk and a screech in the old pipes above. He sat up, eyes on them as he frowned slowly. It sounded like...  
  
Before he could react there was a low, sucking noise and in the next instant - through the broken pipe - came a cascade of pouring water.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Oh, can I ask for a load of better reviews?! I think not! And this is the only repay I can offer you - a chapter up as quick as humanly possible. Well, at least for THIS human. ;)  
  
Thanks ever so for your positivity, it's everlasting and it makes me feel the same way about this story! Makes it all the better to write, you know?  
  
Special thanks to mulderluva, LILI, Alyssa, Pine, Heather, Randy Bly, Renee', Captain, Rose, Belladonna, wendy and charisma1525 - the constant support and encouragement is a source of real inspiration (to sound absolutely corny), but it IS! So thanks you guys! Both new and those old who are sticking, it's lovely to see your names up there!  
  
Now, phew, what will happen next? Flood? Drowning extravaganza? Oh...dear! You wanna know? ;)  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	10. Swept Away

**********************************TRApPeD***********************************  
  
Ten: Swept Away  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-03-26  
  
**************************************************************************** *  
  
He flew to his feet, standing completely frozen as to what the hell he should do before he ran up to the pipe and reached his hands up to grab it. The water was gushing; the mouth of the pipe spewing it, bleeding it, pouring it to drown him. Good thing he wasn't air-bound to survive.  
  
"What happened?!" he heard Buffy's yell through the streaming water and he turned his head best he could as it was directly under the unnatural waterfall.  
  
"Not now!" he bellowed back, struggling to grasp the pipe and bend it up to its original position.  
  
Buffy stared at the scene, blinking. Then moved to help. Spike felt her small frame against his own and he looked down. She had her eyes closed and then seemed to decide that bending her head down might help in keeping her face away from the violent shower. Her hands slipped up and brushed against his before grabbing a hold as well.  
  
He almost smiled. She really was too short to be of much use in the particular task and then he shook his head.  
  
"See if you can find a wrench!" he demanded and she took a step back, getting the water out of her nose with small noises as she wiped at it with one hand, opening her eyes and meeting his.  
  
"What?!" she asked.  
  
"Get-a-wrench!" he repeated with a small nod toward the bookshelf. "Something to tighten the bolt with!" he added and she nodded, moving in the direction he had instructed as he let the pipe go for a second to tear his T-shirt over his head.  
  
He bundled it up and then reached up once more, in order to press it against the steady flow. It didn't help and soon he bagged the idea, throwing the fabric aside and simply directing his attention at getting the pipe straight again.  
  
Buffy had begun to dig through the box of tools, but now she gave that approach up and simply tore it down onto the floor, spreading the tools out before her to frantically search for what he would need.  
  
"Hah!" she exclaimed, grabbing her find and getting to her feet.  
  
Rushing up to him she watched him as he got the pipe's mouth to kiss the one of its match, which it had been so cruelly torn apart from. The water sprayed disapprovingly as the openings gracefully touched each other - the former was seemingly set on not being locked up again.  
  
"Do it!" Spike yelled and she nodded, moving up and reaching up her arms, putting the wrench's two teeth around the rusty old bolt which necklaced the end of the pipe still providing the water.  
  
Twisting it until she thought she was going to faint from the excruciatingly exhausting stint it was finally locked tight enough to hold the pipe in place and the only testament to the flood, which a mere few minutes earlier had threatened to swallow them whole, was a slow trickle dripping onto the floor triumphantly - saying "You may have incarcerated my mother, but I have prevailed!"  
  
Buffy let the wrench go with her hands aching from the effort. It fell to the floor with three hard clonks and then lay still and dead, as though it had done what it had been made for and now wished to slip out of man's mind forever.  
  
She took a step back. Her clothes were soaked straight through, her hair hung in tangles around her head and it dropped happy tears down her back and shoulders as it celebrated the dust and dirt having been gotten rid from it. Her breathing was slow, deep, and she swallowed, shaking her head a little.  
  
About to say something she looked up and her breath, the words, and her heart caught in her throat.  
  
The water glistened across his torso, trailing over his muscular biceps, the tautness of his abs and chest. His pants were slimmed around his trimmed thighs.  
  
He was the image of a god after the first spring rain; the mystery, the puzzle, the untouchable.  
  
Her mouth fell open slightly and then she swallowed again, raising her gaze to his. The blue of his eyes glittered at her and the depth of them had her finding herself inadvertently staring into them.  
  
She wanted to run her hands up those incredible arms of his, feel them close around her, feel that tight chest against hers and...  
  
She took a step to the side in an attempt at getting past him and into the closet, but he followed her movement and she closed her eyes with a quiet protest running through her mind. Opening them again she rested her gaze in his and felt the jolt of need rush through her as he took one step closer.  
  
Spike waited. The desire was already burning in her eyes, and the way she had just looked at him had sent pleasurable shivers down his spine. Her clothes were more or less a mere second skin and he wanted it away from her. God, she was so damn beautiful it made him ache.  
  
And then she moved. He met her half way and their mouths found each other. Parting their lips they let their tongues meet harshly and a small moan rose in the back of her throat as she got to finally grace him with her touch. Her fingers slid greedily down his chest, acquainting themselves with every last millimeter.  
  
His hands clasped the front of her shirt and then ripped it open and she took her mouth from his with a surprised gasp. He leaned forward and slid his tongue over her wet skin, her hands moved over his arms before they buried themselves in his damp locks.  
  
He took her right breast in his mouth and she closed her eyes, her mouth agape as she drew another breath. Tilting her head back she relished in the feel of his cool tongue and the subtle scrape of his teeth around her sensitive nipple. The touch sent waves of pleasure down further south and she grabbed fistfuls of his hair as she pushed his mouth closer.  
  
Moving his head up he rested it before hers for a second, her eyes in his and then their lips once more fell on the other's and the kiss deepened as she pressed herself against him, wrapping her arms around his neck.  
  
His hands slid over her stomach to her waist, pushing the opened shirt away and caressing her skin before sliding them down and grabbing her buttocks roughly, making another groan rise from her as her kiss grew even more demanding.  
  
Then she let her mouth leave his as she glided with her tongue down the side of his throat and further down his chest, catching droplets as she went and stopping only when she came across a certain spot which she thought deserved a kiss. He closed his eyes, biting his lower lip and frowning slightly as her caresses sent waves of inexperienced heat through his entire body. This was new, and he felt as though she was ripping him in half.  
  
Her hands slid down the front of his thighs as she got to her knees before him, then she moved them up again, to the clasp of his belt. She unbuckled it before getting to work on the button of his pants. He had to draw a small breath and hold it, though he wasn't at all sure why he did. She got him to kick off his shoes before she pulled the pants down and had him step out of them.  
  
At the sudden touch of warm fingers lightly brushing his already throbbing erection he opened his eyes and bent down to grab her, pulling her to her feet. He was done with her having the upper-hand. Her eyes showed mere expectancy as they traveled from his gaze to his mouth and then her hands once more slid over his torso, down to his waist and to the small of his back as she stepped into him.  
  
Tilting her head back she looked up at him and he met her eyes.  
  
"Buffy," he mumbled and the small smile on her lips made him move his head forward to have his lips on hers again.  
  
The kiss was this time unforgiving, merciless, knee-bending and they both forced the other to completely succumb. In each others arms they were weaker and yet stronger than ever before and the everlasting war had found a new battlefield.  
  
He got the shirt off her by means not very clear to him, and still kissing her he somehow managed to get the button to her pants undone as well as sliding them down far enough for her to do the rest of the job herself - and removing her shoes - without having to take her mouth from his for even a second. He wouldn't have let her. Her taste was filling him up and he was growing addicted to it.  
  
Her underwear had gone down with the pants and now their arms wrapped around the other's naked form tightly. His hands roamed her curves, owned her as he so had wanted, pressed her to him. And she let the emotions ravish her, let the sanity elude her for the blindfolded craving to have him, all of him.  
  
They were animals, clawing at each other; ripping away the shield that - up until that moment - had parted them. Tearing the natural self preservation string in their heated blood into shreds.  
  
It was a born disaster which neither one of them could do anything but cherish, because with its birth they were set flying and that high - forbidden and otherwise unreachable - grasped them breathlessly.  
  
He turned them around and she felt herself bend her knees as he sunk them down onto the mattresses.  
  
She was ready for him, more ready than she thought she had ever been and would ever be for anything. It was driving her out of her mind not feeling him inside of her and she pushed her hips up as she opened her eyes, taking her mouth from his and he opened his eyes as well, questioning.  
  
Her chest was heaving heavily beneath him, her blood was pushing through her veins like freight trains and the sound of her heart beating was echoing in his head. Her scent and taste was everything. Was him.  
  
He moved his hips forward and slid into her; both pairs of eyes growing wide, two mouths hanging open in silent agreement to the unspoken, coursing pleasure; two hands grasping the mattress, two hands clasping his shoulders.  
  
He filled her, fitted her, moved within her and she drew an unnoticeable, shaky breath as her eyes rested in his. The shock was carefully making itself known to both of them. They were actually doing this.  
  
And then he moved his hips a little and she gasped, closing her eyes and meeting him as the silence was broken by her rising moan. At the sound of it he was awakened from the state of partial confusion and his thrusts began to pick up their pace as her groans grew louder.  
  
She put her head up, caught his mouth in hers and kissed him deeply as she once more buried her hands in his blonde curls. Rolling them over she sat up and his eyes grew as she began to ride him. Her muscles were tight and hot and he grabbed her thighs before sliding his hands to her hips. Then he sat up as well, having his hands move up over her back as he pushed her closer.  
  
The fire was consuming and too bright for them both. They were pleasurably warmed by it, still unthinkably scorched and they gasped in unison as it continued to grow - kindled by rough touches, deep kisses, low moans.  
  
The passion was stripped naked between them and they both fondled it, explored it with unembarrassed and unleashed desire to feel all of it with no restraints. There were no laws left, and even if there had been they would have broken them without ever looking back to watch the pieces fall to the ground.  
  
Spike's eyes grew wide again. The feel of her was incredible, changing with every new step closer she came to the peak and he drew a breath.  
  
"Slayer," he gasped and she opened her eyes to meet his. "Holy f-...!" he began, but she cut him off by leaning forward and attacking his lips with her own, kissing him harshly as he exploded into her and her own groans grew louder as she clung to him.  
  
They slowly descended into their own bodies again. Buffy was trembling, her arms still around him and their mouths still against the others though the kiss was interrupted and she was taking steadying breaths, trying to calm her racing heart as she couldn't help but enjoy the aftermath of the blinding orgasm she had just experienced.  
  
With Spike.  
  
With SPIKE.  
  
She unwrapped her arms and pulled herself away from him, having him make a face as he had to glide out of her, and then she got to her feet on much too shaky legs before she reached down and grabbed his duster - which had been lying on the floor at her feet. She wrapped it around herself as she glared at the vampire.  
  
He looked quite calm, leaning back on his elbows as he watched her where she stood so suddenly back on obvious bitch mode.  
  
"So that's how it is?" he asked and she narrowed her eyes, not answering and holding the leather tighter around her. "Use 'em and lose 'em?" he elaborated and her gaze grew indignantly annoyed.  
  
"Shut up," she muttered, looking around the room in search for something to cover herself up with that didn't have his scent all over it.  
  
Her eyes caught the glimpse of a blanket still left on the bottom shelf of the bookcase and she turned from him in favor for that rescue. She quickly made her way up to it, satisfied that her ability to maneuver her parts hadn't completely left her, and then she took a hold on the blanket. Making sure to wrap it around her shoulders before she let the duster deter from the mission to protect her naked form from his gaze.  
  
He huffed from across the room and she looked up with a scowl.  
  
"What is it now?" she asked as she came back up to him, stopping eight feet away before she threw the duster on him.  
  
He tossed it aside before getting to his feet and she fought hard not to let her eyes take him in as she kept them in his steadily.  
  
"'What is it now?'" he repeated with a smirk, approaching her stealthily and she bit her jaws together as she raised her eyebrows in very well faked indifference.  
  
"Yes," she replied, holding her ground as he stopped before her.  
  
Damn, he was hot. He was more than hot, he was sizzling. That lower lip of his was a constant weak-spot to her and she refused to look at it now, knowing that if she did she would only want to take it in her mouth; knowing full-well where that would lead as it was bound to end up in another kissing marathon and...she was getting herself turned on again.  
  
Not a good thing.  
  
Especially not with all of his goodiness within reach...  
  
Buffy! Stop it!  
  
Now he reached out a hand and slid it between the small slot of blanket hems by her right hip. His touch made the ache for the feel of him start to once again gain power and she swallowed. His fingertips graced her hip as his eyes were growing seductive, telling her all the things he could promise her she would have if she only let that ridiculous attempt at distancing herself from him fall to the floor.  
  
"Spike," she murmured, wanting it to have to sound of a resonant threat somewhere in the back of it - but it failed as it more or less sounded like a plea.  
  
"What?" he asked, stepping into her as his hand glided to her back instead and she closed her eyes as he bent down and kissed her collarbone - exposed since the blanket was hanging loosely by her shoulders by now.  
  
"I can't," she tried and he lifted his head to look at her.  
  
"You can't?" he asked, his right hand reaching up and lightly tugging the fabric off of her. Without any further resistance it tumbled around her ankles; persecuted, judged, executed.  
  
She shook her head now; feeling his strong arms slide around her and pull her to him, feeling her own arms glide around his neck, feeling her whole body drinking the sensations it received from him as though it had been thirsty for decades.  
  
"There's no use trying to fight this," he murmured, bending forward to kiss the side of her throat. "We've both wanted it since that first moment..." he added and she tore away from him, pushing him to take a step back.  
  
"I have NOT wanted you since 'that first moment'," she assured. "This only happened 'cause of this...traumatic situation and... the water and... you were all wet and shirtless and I'd never seen you like that before and..."  
  
"And what?" he smirked. "You got horny enough to shag your very own, little favorite nemesis' brains out just 'cause he got himself wet?"  
  
She shook her head at him.  
  
"You know, you always do that. You always twist my words around 'til I'm not even sure MYSELF what the hell I was meaning to say," she stated, crossing her arms over her chest and he smiled widely as the thought came to him - he would probably never be able to see her do that from this moment on without remembering her doing it before him with not one string of clothing on her.  
  
It really took the edge of it, didn't it?  
  
She glared at him, not knowing what he was thinking, but convinced beyond any doubt that it was something dirty.  
  
"And I didn't 'shag your brains out'," she now added before she grew slightly self-consious, adding: "Did I?"  
  
He cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"I dunno, Slayer. If you asked me I'd have to proclaim you the lay of the century," he replied and her eyes grew hard before she took the few steps dividing them and hit him over the jaw.  
  
He straightened himself up again, facing her. The small smile gracing his lips made her come to the conclusion that she had just played whatever role he had ordained her perfectly. And as he grabbed her she became painfully aware of how right that conclusion was.  
  
His lips met hers and she huffed, squirming away from him the best she could with the anger rising bitterly in her chest. Getting up enough strength to get herself out of his grip was hard enough, making herself take a few steps away from him was damn near impossible, though she succeeded.  
  
"Stop it," she hissed and he smirked again.  
  
"Is that a real request, or just one of those you have to say to make daddy Watcher proud when you don't have to lie about how you tried with your last breath to not give in to the fiend's demonic schemes?" he inquired and the growing hatred in her eyes made him chuckle to himself. "Or perhaps it's just what you need to tell yourself... so that when all is said and done you can blame it all - your weakness, your fears, your needs, your finally reached freedom - on me?"  
  
He took a step forward and she jumped back, shaking her head slowly.  
  
"Do you think I WANTED this to happen?" she asked, voice unsteady with her restrained fury, rising at the mere thought if his words carrying a grain of truth.  
  
"I think you've wanted this to happen for a real long time, love," he replied, eyes glinting dangerously in the dim light of the room. "As have I."  
  
"Really?" she asked. "You're admitting to it?"  
  
He smirked.  
  
"I didn't even realize how much until I felt your sweat rubbing off on me," he then stated and she clenched her jaws together.  
  
"I don't even..." she trailed off.  
  
"What?" he asked, tilting his head a little to one side. "Like me?" he then asked and her eyes showed that he had filled in the missing part. "This has nothing to do with liking or disliking, loving or hating," he added, once more approaching her and this time she couldn't bring herself to move. "This has nothing to do with anything but..." he murmured, burying his face in her locks before reaching down and letting two fingers grace her clit.  
  
She leaned against him, closing her eyes, and her heart began to pick up its pace again. And once again she was losing herself completely.  
  
"Oh, God," she whined, her hands moving up to grab his shoulders.  
  
"I try my best," he mumbled in her ear and against her will she found herself smiling.  
  
And once more she was swept away.  
  
By him.  
  
With him.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Oh, my! *the writer says breathlessly for the thirtieth time in view of her incredible feedback* Oh, MY! Seriously, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I can't get enough of those two words! I LOVE you! Hehe. Just, wow.  
  
Tripple special thanks to Hannah (sorry I didn't get you on the other chapter. This must've popped up after I posted it. Delayance and such. Thanks for that and I hope you're still liking it!), Johanna (haha, I can't tell you how much your review had me smiling! I hope the chapter was to your satisfaction. ;) Thanks a lot for the utter compliment, my friend!), Renee' (Wow, thanks a lot for the exceptional flattery, I'm really glad you like this! And was this fast enough?) :), charisma1525 (Well, did I arrange it to your taste and liking? Muahaha! Thanks a lot, girl!) :), Pine (Ahahaha, I just can only pray that the wet Spike was constantly in your head while reading this chappie, girl, 'cause he was there! *grin* One of my fav scenes from S6 too, I think that song just fits so perfectly it makes me wanna cry. It's so beautiful.), Cate (it's cool, believe me. Happy to see you back! And thanks for the great thoughts on the chappies!), Haley (hey! On 8: great that you thought that! Means I could convey it! ;) On 9: Oh, the ellusive prize...well, all I can say is wait and see, k? Thanks for the thoughts, as always, on both!), Charlie (What's up? Oh, thank you for that, very nice to hear! *grin* "Actually do some work..." *smile* Hope you liked it! Thank you!), Luna (hey, thanks a lot for that! Really wonderful to hear you think that!), VampiresKiss (*smirk* Wet and necked enough, my friend? *grin*), Spuffygirl (I'm glad the catching up was to your liking!) :), Belladonna (*lol* Your sarcasm was completely wasted on me. ::coughs:: NOT ::coughs:: Glad you're liking!) ;), LILI (hey, thanks. And because of the refrigerator box with blood bags and food which I wrote about in the second and third chapter mostly, I believe.) :), Sarah (Hey, was this super quick enough? Hehe.) :), wolf116 (wassap? Thanks for that and I hope you liiiiked this!) :), Alyssa (Hey, just wanted to respond to your previous review as well. That you think this is one of the top ones out of all those that you're currently reading is REALLY flattering and REALLY amazing. Thanks a lot! And that I actually make you wanna write again that is just even more incredible as a compliment and it just makes me so happy to hear that! Thanks so much! I'm really glad that you've like this so far and I hope this chapter was no exception! A.M.L.), Captain (greatgreatgreat to hear it's a fave! That's awesome!) :), Weeza (Wow, thanks for that wonderful compliment! I'm thrilled you like it! Hope this'll help! The addiction I mean...) ;), LizDarcy (So, so glad you liked. It's cool, I'm happy to get a review NOW! :) And the bathroom bit will probably be explained further on, right now I'm just not dwelling...) :) - thank YOU! Do you have any idea what a boost your reviews are?!  
  
I SO wanna know what you thought of this chapter and I'll be looking forward to hearing from you so please, do click the reviewbuttunatthebottomofthispage! (I know, as if you wouldn't...) ;)  
  
All My Love, Annie. 


	11. Small Grains of Truth

***********************************TRApPeD**********************************  
  
Eleven: Small Grains of Truth  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-03-29  
  
**************************************************************************** ****  
  
Day Five.  
  
3.18 a.m.  
  
She rolled off of him with a huff. Placing herself at his side and closing her eyes. He turned his head to her with a small smile on his lips, taking her in. Her body was glistening with perspiration, her perky breasts exposed and rising and sinking with her deep breathing, her left hand was placed on her stomach while her right rested above her head - playing gingerly with one of her blonde strands. Her mouth was temptingly outlined by the blue rays of moonlight tentatively gracing her and he moved to lie on his side, prompting his head up in the palm of his left hand as he eyed her intently.  
  
"What?" she murmured, not opening her eyes, and his smile widened slightly as he reached out his right hand and let his fingertips dip into the small cavity between her collarbones before he ran them gently down between her breasts and further to her bellybutton - circling it. "Stop it," she muttered, slapping his hand away before rolling over with her back to him, "I don't like you... touching me," she added and he smirked.  
  
His fingertips then slid down the place of her spine, sending wicked little shivers to scurry through her and she opened her eyes. His hand stopped at the small of her back and he splayed his fingers over the spot before letting them travel further down to cup one of her cheeks and she twirled around with an irritated snarl.  
  
"I said: cut it the hell out!" she clarified before sitting up and he tilted his head to one side with a naughty gleam in his azure orbs.  
  
"Then tell me what you DO like," he mumbled, sitting up as well and letting his lips gently touch her shoulder.  
  
She closed her eyes again, wanting so badly to be able to push him away, but knowing that she wasn't. She had tried. For six hours had she struggled to get the need to be anywhere but where he was to uproot the devouring daze of being with him, having him be within her...  
  
"I'll... accommodate," he now whispered and she shook her head a little at him before she moved it to meet his mouth with her own.  
  
He kissed her and she wanted to slip under his skin; he filled her and she thought she was about to die; he touched her and she was bursting into flames; he looked at her and all she wanted was to show him more. It scared her out of her wits.  
  
"I'm thirsty," she said, taking her mouth from his and getting to her feet.  
  
He watched her, then did the same.  
  
"And I'm hungry," he stated, walking with her up to the refrigerator box and he opened it as she proceeded into the closet space to get one of her previously precious - now that they had the steady trickle of the Daughter Flood from the pipe as a resource - bottles of water.  
  
He ripped open the bag of blood he had retrieved for himself and emptied it easily.  
  
"You know," he said. "I've been thinking."  
  
"Ah," her voice was heard, "first mistake right there," she finished and he glared at the doorway, though she didn't discourage him and he continued:  
  
"Why the hell would not-cursed vampires keep BAGS of blood in a fridge? They hunt! They live..."  
  
He shook his head, turning it to her as she re-entered the room, wiping her mouth clean from liquid and holding a half emptied bottle in one hand. She was frowning slightly.  
  
"That's a pretty good point, actually," she admitted and he cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"'Actually'?" he mimicked and she smiled sweetly, taking another sip of the water.  
  
"Maybe it's for emergencies?" she suggested and he threw the emptied bag into the box before closing the lid once more.  
  
"Yeah, what emergency? One of 'em accidentally getting trapped in this stupid spell?" he asked, his eyes suddenly lightening up as though something just hit him and Buffy nodded slowly.  
  
"Maybe that's it!" she said and he smirked.  
  
"If this spell is a time-loop of some sort," he began.  
  
"Then maybe time stands still for the one caught in it," she continued.  
  
"While to the outside world," he said and she nodded as he trailed off.  
  
"While to the outside world a month in HERE, to them, might be an hour... or ten minutes even," she murmured. "And if the vamps have a leader who controls his pack by having the words that lifts the spell... Or maybe they store the blood in here in case a stranger vamp should wander down here while the pack is out and it gets stuck. It'll survive long enough for them to come back and either handle the problem or ask the vamp to join. Same thing with...humans, keeping them alive long enough for the prey to be fresh," she concluded, her eyes growing. "They actually ARE clever sons-of- bitches aren't they?" she then grumbled.  
  
"Okay, wait," Spike now said, holding up one hand slightly. "This theory would explain why the Happy Crew hasn't stormed the place yet. But if we're right, if the spell has to do with some sorta buggering time-twister, then who's to say how long we actually WILL be stuck down here? If you're right, then an hour out there just might be a bloody MONTH in here and how long does it usually take your pally-pals to get worried about you? One night, at least? I bet they're all in their beddy-bys right now! Bloody hell!"  
  
She raised her eyebrows, watching his little outburst calmly before she shrugged.  
  
"We don't know anything yet," she merely replied. "All we can do now is wait."  
  
"Well, I will applaud thee for this sodding amazing conclusion!" he exclaimed and she stared at him.  
  
"What are you so upset about all of a sudden?" she inquired and he glared at her.  
  
"I don't know!" he then replied and she bit back the smile at his frustration. "Why aren't YOU upset?" he retorted and she looked at him for a moment before she lifted one shoulder in a shrug.  
  
"We've been down here for four days now," she answered him, turning and walking up to the mattresses to have a seat, reaching out a hand and pulling one of the blankets lying at the foot of them to her before wrapping it around herself. "I figure we have no use for panic. Can't eat it. Can't drink it. Can't do anything but let it take over. And I'm not gonna. Let it, I mean."  
  
He suddenly smiled, approaching her before stopping to stand right before her and she tilted her head back to look up at him.  
  
"This the Slayer in you talking?" he asked and she smirked.  
  
"It's the resolve-girl in me," she then replied. "Willowism," she added and he furrowed his brow to which she shook her head dismissively.  
  
He sunk down beside her with a sigh.  
  
"We just shagged for six hours straight," he then stated and she giggled, the sound close to unfamiliar in the stillness of the room, before she nodded. "I have to say, I'm bloody impressed."  
  
She turned her head to meet his gaze and he thought he could see a small hint of flattery in her eyes before she smiled, then shrugged.  
  
"You got the job done yourself," she replied and he smirked. "But let's not get too friendly," she added, squaring her shoulders and he looked away from her, shaking his head.  
  
"No, I wasn't," he then assured. "I just...you know...In light of the facts of where we are and all that... I..."  
  
"Wanted to butter me up so I'd simply cave in again," she filled in and he raised his eyebrows high with one of those ill-fitting innocent expressions on.  
  
She got to her feet and he muttered something incoherent as she headed for the door of the closet.  
  
"Good night," he called after her and she stopped in the doorway, turning partially to him before she gave a small nod.  
  
"Good MORNING," she then corrected and he rolled his eyes at her before watching her disappear from view, having the door glide shut behind her.  
  
***  
  
Day Five.  
  
6.37 a.m.  
  
"Spike," she grumbled as she felt his hand turn her over.  
  
Then his mouth closed over her own and muffled the small protest as his tongue danced with hers. Her hands moved into the short-cut locks of bleached curls on his head as she began to return the kiss, growing more awake by the second.  
  
"Tell me you want me," he whispered, pulling his mouth from hers in favor for letting it plant kisses along the side of her throat. "Say it."  
  
"No," she moaned, catching his lips with hers again and he slid his body to fit it into hers on top of her blankets, her legs parting and her thighs tight on his hips through the rough fabric.  
  
"Tell me you want me..." he demanded once more and she opened her eyes to look up at him.  
  
The sunlight gently seeping into the other room was making the gloom in the one they were in less dark and she could make out his face as it hovered above hers.  
  
"More than I wanted Angel?" she then asked and his eyes grew slightly with surprise and rising aggravation. "Isn't that what you wanna hear?" she wondered, the bareness of those questions making him shake from irritation with her.  
  
Moving out of her grip he got to his feet and walked into the basement. He had his pants on again, she noticed, and wanted to hit herself for practically pouting over it. Clearing her throat she rose as well, wrapping one of the blankets around her still naked form before she followed him.  
  
"What is this thing between you and him anyways?" she asked and he twirled around where he had stopped, below The Window, which was positioned slightly to her left.  
  
"Nothing," he then replied. "Just good, old-fashioned competitiveness."  
  
She frowned.  
  
"He sired Dru, who sired you. That's about all the info I have so how 'bout a low down?" she inquired and he huffed.  
  
"Do you think I can just link together a hundred-and-twenty years for you with a sodding snap of my fingers?" he asked and she could tell he wasn't in a very good mood at the moment. "Perhaps it's easy for you, you've been the Slayer for what? Three-four years? I bet you could tell me all your most exciting moments in about two bloody minutes. But to describe decades of time... my existence..." he trailed off at the indignant expression on her face.  
  
"How long I've been the Slayer doesn't matter, Spike," she now stated, pronouncing his name in a hard fashion, which rather made him reminisce the way his trademark tool used to make the skull bone of chosen victims sound as it penetrated it. For some reason he didn't like it. "I've died, I've lost loved ones, I've even killed loved ones. But most importantly: I've battled and I have come out standing in fights with your great-great- grandsire, with your great-grandsire, with your grandsire, with your sire and with YOU. I've defeated your whole bloodline so it's no surprise that I so easily got rid of you, now is it?"  
  
He blinked as he realized that what she had just stated was nothing but the very raw, exceedingly powerful and much too sexy truth. She had taken down the Master, Darla, Angelus, Drusilla and himself in one great big sweep with her tiny right hand and they had barely been able to scratch her.  
  
"But we scarred you," he then mumbled and her eyes grew.  
  
"What?" she asked and he tilted his head a little to one side.  
  
"The Master killed you... Made you realize it actually could happen to you, didn't he? Made you understand that no matter how good you are, you can always get better... Dru murdered - what's her face? That other Slayer girl."  
  
Buffy clenched her jaws together.  
  
"Kendra," she then enlightened and Spike nodded with a small wave of one hand.  
  
"Right, that one. And Dru also had Angelus wrapped around her red nail- polish painted pinky. Which brings us onto Angelus. He hated you where Angel loved you and, yeah," he paused, observing the growing tension on her, "that must've been the hardest fact to face of all of it. That no matter what, your love could never transform that monster residing in the back of his soul into something that could actually feel for you... And me...? Well, you tell me, Slayer. Exactly how," he now added, slowly moving up to her and her eyes were cold as she looked up at him when he stopped before her, "did I scar you?"  
  
She grabbed the hand he was raising to place on her cheek and then pushed it back down with a rough movement before she turned and took a few steps away from him.  
  
"You're good," she finally said, turning back to face him. "You had me distracted. You managed to get me to completely forget about my own question. But I was serious, and I still wanna know, WHAT is this obsession you have with Angel? Is it 'cause of Dru? I don't think you're telling all the sides to the story when you say Dru was the only one having someone wrapped around their pinky, though, are you? 'Cause as I recall it - and please, correct me if I'm WAY off here - but I have this lingering memory of YOU actually helping me take down Angelus in order to get your little girlfriend out of his clutches. I mean, that would point to Angelus having the little skank wrapped around...well, HIM," she finished and had a smile grace her lips at the cloud of fury billowing in those blue eyes of his.  
  
"How did you feel when you saw Angelus with Dru?" he asked and she looked rather surprised by the counter question, then she broke eye contact and he could see she remembered the pain, that sense of betrayal. "You loved Angel," he now said. "I loved Dru. She broke my heart, the bitch, but I still loved her. The way I bet you still love the sodding poof."  
  
She gritted her teeth.  
  
"That doesn't work on me, the whole analogy bit," she replied, looking back up and into his eyes. "I don't believe soulless creatures can love."  
  
He raised his eyebrows in undisguised bafflement at that. And then he furrowed his brow instead, watching her as she turned and walked up to the mattresses to sit down.  
  
"I think THAT'S the sodding saddest thing I'VE ever heard," he then stated, coming up to her and squatting before her.  
  
"I don't give a damn what you think," she replied and he could almost smell the growing pain on her.  
  
What he had just said seemed to have cut her deeper than he had even intended.  
  
"Why did he leave?" he couldn't help but ask and she swallowed hard, shaking her head and refusing to look at him.  
  
"Because of me," she finally got out, battling back her tears. "Because whatever he had to offer he decided wasn't good enough," she added, quickly getting to her feet as she swiped at her eyes with annoyed motions of her right hand. "And I can't believe I just told you that," she mumbled, pulling the blanket tighter around her.  
  
Spike didn't move, he merely observed her back in silence until she slowly turned back to him. For someone whom he had faced a thousand times with her shiny armor on, her face decisive, her eyes relentless, her fists made of steel - in that moment she was frail as an autumn leaf to the wind and he found himself wanting to hold her tight, fight the tears with her and make her feel...  
  
He blinked.  
  
She noticed the stiffness on him and mused over what could have brought it on before she shook herself out of the thoughts and concentrated on thinking about something that wasn't him. Only everything popping up in her head, of course simply because of her efforts, in some way or other was linked to him and she began to get irritated with herself.  
  
The touch of his index finger below her chin, as well as the sudden closeness of him, caught her off guard as he made her look up at him. Her eyes grew slightly wide as she stared into his and then he bent down and gently kissed her.  
  
"Wanna forget about them?" he asked and she nodded slowly, stepping into him as their lips once more touched and then locked together, the kiss deepening and two pairs of arms wrapping around two bodies.  
  
***  
  
1.40 p.m.  
  
"What time do you think it is?" she asked, sitting up from where she had been lying beside him on the mattresses and running her hands through her hair before looking at him over her shoulder.  
  
"Between twelve and...six?" he tried and she blessed him with a small smile before she grew serious again.  
  
"We need some sorta...plan," she mumbled and he sat up as well.  
  
"What sorta plan? There's nothing we can really do to improve the situation, is there?" he wondered and she gave a small shrug to which he grabbed her and tilted her back again, moving himself to lie on top of her.  
  
She giggled, shaking her head as she looked up at him and then the smile once more died before she broke eye contact.  
  
"Spike," she muttered, attempting to push him to make him roll off her, but his hands slid into hers and he held her down before leaning his head forward and kissing her neck.  
  
"I mean it," he then murmured. "I can't see any sodding way we could POSSIBLY improve the situation," he added and the smile was reborn as she closed her eyes at the intoxicating feel of his mouth against her skin.  
  
"Spike," she tried again. "Maybe we could try to...signal the...outside," she mumbled, his tongue dragging itself up her throat before he kissed her jaw line.  
  
"We can't even get the sodding boards off the windows," he reminded and she sighed, moving her head to meet his kiss.  
  
Pulling her head back slightly again she rested her eyes in his and he could see the flicker of an idea-bulb having been lit deep within those two shiny scraps of emerald.  
  
"Maybe we need to combine forces?" she suggested and he raised his eyebrows slightly; amused at the fact of how right his observation had been. "Like with the lock on the fridge," she added and he smirked.  
  
"You don't bloody quit, do you?" he asked and she smiled back.  
  
Then she cleared her throat, stripped the merriness and shoved him off of her as she sat up. Getting to her feet she grabbed one of the scattered out blankets and got it around her as she walked up to The Window.  
  
"Buffy," he mumbled and she turned her head to him with a questioning gaze.  
  
He patted softly on the empty spot by him and she shook her head.  
  
"We need to find some way out of here right now," she stated and he rose as well, to approach her, keeping himself out of the small rays of sunlight before stopping by her.  
  
"Why?" he asked and she raised her eyebrows.  
  
"Why?" she asked back. "Doesn't it sound like a good idea to you? A few hours ago you were freaking out at the prospect of being locked in here for a month, and now...?"  
  
He smiled meaningfully as he stepped closer and she put up one hand against his chest in objection. The feel of his cool skin beneath her fingers, as well as the sculpted muscles of his chest, made her take a step back - though her hand stubbornly stayed where it was.  
  
He placed his left hand over it before gently taking a hold on it and bringing it to his lips. Kissing it softly he rested his eyes in hers and she felt how she was melting. He was like a lethal injection, spreading its poison through her and she knew she needed some sort of antidote to survive. She couldn't do this...!  
  
And yet she found herself moving her hand to slide her thumb over his lower lip as she took the step dividing them, placing her hand on his cheek before taking a hold on his face and making him lean forward. Feeling his mouth against her own made her body slowly ache for his, for them to join. And she couldn't fight it, it was overwhelming.  
  
Losing herself in him was the most terrifying sensation she had ever been under. It enslaved her, made her lose every last ounce of self-control, and it made her feel utterly alive.  
  
The part in her awakened was joyous to be free of its shackles. And willingly it picked up new ones, binding it to him in the most destructive way.  
  
He ruled her, he broke her down so easily. What had happened to her over the course of less than a week to make her so completely give into him? What if he was right? What if it actually had been there for a lot longer...?  
  
No! It was the spell. And once it was lifted she would be able to...  
  
The creak of a floorboard above their heads made the kiss calm down and they slowly pulled apart to look at each other, eyes growing wide. Then the sound was there again and the two pulled apart, tilting their heads back to look up.  
  
"Someone's up there," Buffy whispered and Spike nodded.  
  
"And I'm pretty sure we're just about to find out who," he replied as they could hear the door to the basement slide open.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Oh, boy, was I evil now? Was that too evil of me? Muahahaha! Sorry. Okay, I can't thank you enough for wonderful feedback! It's just more than...thrilling! ;) I LOVE all the oh, so fun comments about you all hailing wet Spike! *grins extremely wide* Thanks a lot, you guys!  
  
Special, steaming hot thanks to charisma1525, Spuffygirl, Johanna, wolf116, Captain, Falcon-Rider, Pine, Chasity, Heather, Renee', Haley, Lucy, shadowschild, Weeza, Alyssa, LizDarcy and Charlie.  
  
All of you give such amazing praise and I just want to say an extra thanks for that! I can't tell you what it means to read that it's saved your day or that this is "why you wake up in the morning" ;) etc. Just thanks a lot. *huge hug* Sorry this chapter is a bit on the lateside, I'll try my very best to get the next one up faster!  
  
I don't need to write it, I think and hope... but still - please, let me know what you think, k?  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	12. Twist of Black

***********************************TRApPeD**********************************  
  
Twelve: Twist of Black  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-03-31  
  
****************************************************************************  
  
Day Five.  
  
2.00 p.m.  
  
Buffy swallowed, her eyes fixed on the bottom step of the stairs and then she heard Willow's voice asking:  
  
"What if we're wrong? What if all that waits down there is the big, bad, hairy, ugly wolf! Without Buffy we might as well commit suicide right here!"  
  
Buffy's eyes grew, then relief bloomed in her chest as she took a step forward and called out:  
  
"It's okay! I'm here!"  
  
She felt Spike's fingers close around her right arm through the fabric of the blanket before he turned her around with a meaningful look down at her. The scowl on her face was immediately transformed into a gaping exclamation mark and she swirled around, running into the closet space, picking up her clothes lying on the floor of the basement as she went.  
  
"Thank you for the vote of confidence," Spike heard Giles answer and the careful steps down the stairs stopped as the small force of good seemed to contemplate what to do.  
  
"Don't worry," there was suddenly the git's voice and Spike's eyes darkened slightly at the sound of it. Good, old soldier-boy was simply too clean to earn any respect whatsoever from the vamp. "I'm here," Riley added and Spike huffed. "With reinforcements," came another addition and Spike could only imagine whatever tool of destruction the little super-human had brought with him.  
  
"That is... so neat," the whelp spoke up and Spike rolled his eyes to the ceiling.  
  
Whatever they were doing it seemed they hadn't heard Buffy's shout for calm.  
  
"I have been training the girl for three years, after all," Giles now continued his subtle defense of his bruised ego. "I would say that I am quite capable of handling myself in a fight, especially against a simple wolf of some sort."  
  
"All right, big guy," Xander's voice was heard again and then the sound of his hand patting the Watcher's shoulder. "Let it go. 'Sides, Willow was only trying to paint a nice and bloody picture for us to visualize so that we wouldn't be shocked once we stand and face the fiends of hell that are very probably down there... She wasn't ACTUALLY saying that there IS a wolf down there. Isn't that right, Wills?"  
  
"Wolf... Oz," was all the reply he got out of her, the melancholy in her voice not soon to be mistaken for gayety.  
  
"What are you doing?! Get dressed!" Buffy suddenly hissed and Spike cocked an eyebrow, turning his head to her where she was standing one step out of the doorway of the closet, buttoning the button of her pants before getting her hair out from under the hem of her wrecked shirt.  
  
Moving her arms back to do so the shirt slid open, exposing one of her nipples, and he got himself moving. She had reached down and picked up her jacket - which had been lying in the closet until now - and was just pulling it on when his hand slid over her stomach, to the small of her back, and he pulled her to him.  
  
"Are you insane!" she demanded, her voice still lowered and he smirked.  
  
"Come on down! Come see what your precious little Slayer's been indulging herself in for the past few days!" he simply yelled and her eyes grew wide before she started to push at his chest in order to get him away from her.  
  
It wasn't working, her mind wanted the movement to have impact, her body did not - and it seemed in this case it was body over mind because she was slowly letting herself fail.  
  
"I think we're pretty safe," Xander now said. "If there'd been a fang-gang down there they would've been up HERE by now," he added.  
  
"They can't hear us," Spike pointed out, feeling how her struggles became less and less stubborn, his fingers gently massaging the base of her spine and her breathing was beginning to tremble slightly.  
  
"Stop it," she whispered, the glint in his eyes showing how little he believed that she actually meant those words and she couldn't really blame him - they had come out in the most pathetic way.  
  
"That has another ring to it in my ears," he murmured, lowering his head to her neckline and opening his mouth to gently slide his teeth over her skin.  
  
Reaching up his left hand he pushed the dark leather of her jacket back, as well as the thin fabric of her shirt, to get to continue his journey out towards her shoulder.  
  
Her fingers took in the muscles of his chest before placing themselves on either hip.  
  
"Okay, so - if you're right, Giles - these words should lift the spell," Willow's voice distantly echoed and Buffy's eyes shot open before she tore away from the vampire.  
  
Her gaze stared into his before she reached up stale fingers to button up her jacket. He narrowed his eyes, then he shook his head slightly as if to say "It won't be this bloody easy, and you know it" before he walked up to the mattresses and reached down for his black T-shirt.  
  
Buffy kept her gaze from following his movements, planting it on the spot where her friends were soon to emerge. She heard a low mumble and knew Willow was reciting whatever spell it was that would counter the one the Slayer and Vamp were under.  
  
Spike pulled the fabric over his head and slid it down. Buffy's ears took the sound in and dredged up the fresh memories of when her hands had resembled that fabric as they explored his skin, greedily covering every inch of it... She shook her head to get rid of the much too vivid pictures as well as the close to itchy feel at the tips of her fingers.  
  
Then she heard the leather of his duster gently speak as he fitted it onto his shoulders. She wasn't able to hold herself back anymore, but had to turn her head to him and he caught her eyes with his. She looked at him, and felt as though it was for the very last time.  
  
Nothing moved within her at the thought, nothing appeared even in resemblance to growing ease, or regret over the instances they had shared ever occurring in the first place. The thought simply stepped forward, wasn't there long enough for her to treat it as fact, and then left as calmly as it had entered her mind. And it did so in the light of a sneaking suspicion that she had - that no matter what happened she would never come to that moment where she would actually rest her eyes upon that damnable vampire and have it be for the absolute last time.  
  
A small breeze of warm air fluttered by her ankles and she blinked.  
  
"Buffy?!"  
  
She moved her gaze from his and turned her head to the stairs just as Willow descended them and rounded them to face her. Her eyes lightening up as they caught sight of her friend. The other three followed in her footsteps.  
  
"Oh, I was SO worried!" she exclaimed, rushing up to Buffy and throwing her arms around her.  
  
Buffy hardly reacted, she was looking at Riley. She couldn't believe that she had actually forgotten completely about her very new, trusting and lovable boyfriend! She couldn't believe that she had cheated on him with THAT! She shuddered.  
  
"You cold?" Willow asked, still with her arms wrapped firmly around the Slayer's neck, and Buffy smiled a little before hugging her back. "My God, have you been down here all this time? It's freezing!"  
  
"Well, we managed to..." Spike began, only Buffy pulled out of Willow's arms saying:  
  
"How long is 'all this time', exactly?"  
  
Giles blinked, taking off his glasses and polishing them as he asked:  
  
"You...don't remember?"  
  
Buffy looked at him and then at Riley.  
  
"N-no," she stuttered, putting a hand by her head. "No, it's all a blur."  
  
"Oh, please," Spike grumbled and they all turned their heads to him.  
  
He looked up, raising his eyebrows.  
  
"What?!" he asked. "It isn't like she bloody bumped her head and got amnesia!" he added, turning his gaze into hers and Buffy tried to look unknowing of what he could possibly think she was remembering. "Stop this, it's sodding pathetic," he murmured and she turned her head from him.  
  
"How long have I been in here?" she asked and Willow looked empathic.  
  
"Almost five hours," she then answered and Buffy had to fight not to have her eyes grow at that revelation.  
  
Five hours to them, five days to her...and him. So then the theory had been accurate enough...  
  
"Five hours in a room with Spike and he's still standing in the middle of the floor, not playing with the other little dust-balls in the corners?" she asked with a shake of the head. "I find that very hard to believe."  
  
Spike stared at her. Was it true? Didn't she remember anything of everything that had taken place? But how could HE remember it then? He decided to lay low for a short while. He wanted to watch her.  
  
A warm smile suddenly split her face and Spike turned his head to whom she was directing it on. Riley took a small step forward and she walked the rest of the way up to him.  
  
"You weren't worried, were you?" Spike heard her ask softly as she stepped into him and Riley smiled back down at her before he leaned forward and let his lips meet hers.  
  
"Just a bit," he then confessed.  
  
The vampire succeeded to ignore the small twist of black near his heart as he observed the couple and their obvious satisfaction at being in each other's closer vicinity once again. But, how could she do that - act so indifferent - when she just a few minutes earlier had completely surrendered to the touches HE was giving her? Oh, right...she couldn't remember. The day he believed that was the day he willingly let her dust him!  
  
"So... I guess there's no real need for further introduction?" Buffy asked sheepishly, turning to Giles who smiled slightly.  
  
"I should think not. Riley was gracious enough to accompany Willow to my place after she grew concerned of what was keeping you, and I rather came to conclusions myself as to who and what he is," he then answered and Buffy returned the smile. "I would have appreciated the information a bit sooner," he added and she nodded, looking apologetic.  
  
"I just..." she started and Giles raised one hand dismissively.  
  
"It's quite all right," he assured.  
  
Spike found himself practically staring at the Slayer's fingers entwined with Riley's and something wrenched his gut. He clenched his jaws together and looked away. Bewildered. What the hell was wrong with him? It wasn't like he bloody well cared! That woman was more annoying than anyone he had ever met. Of course, she was also sexy as hell. The sensuality she carried was even more invigorating simply because she so often seemed rather unaware of it.  
  
The problem with her was that she was too stuck-up, too into being miss-do- good, too set on keeping within her own boundaries that she wouldn't let herself go. Except while under extreme circumstances, as the most recent events had proven, he supposed. But it was that fact of the extreme that had bent even his own limitations to something close to horrifying.  
  
Sleeping with the enemy in the most real sense had never been anything he had taken lightly. He had only ever done it once before... and that had been a nightmare of an experience so in lack of pleasure that he had banned the memory completely from the collection in his head.  
  
Buffy... was different. She had reached into him and stirred parts of him he hadn't been aware of, where he had been hell-bent at making her suffer that ordeal being done to her.  
  
Her touch. Her taste. The feel of her body. Her scent. All of it had bundled up in the middle of his throat and he couldn't decide whether to swallow or spit it all out again. Thing was that he didn't know for sure whether or not it was his choice. Perhaps all he could do was let it be stuck there for the rest of his existence, like a bittersweet piece of candy he would never be able to have again.  
  
He smirked to himself.  
  
Perhaps it could be remedied. He knew she remembered, all he had to do was twist her arm enough for her to confess to it. If he had crawled successfully under her skin once...  
  
"Let's go," Willow said, hooking an arm with the one of Buffy's not belonging to the hand holding that of Riley's. "It's late. I'm tired."  
  
Buffy smiled as her friend leaned her head against her shoulder.  
  
"Were you really scared that I was like gone or something?" the Slayer wondered, heading with her boyfriend and best friend toward the stairs.  
  
"Yeah, with the whole Hellmouth-coming-one-dead-demon-away-from-being-re- opened thingy last week I REALLY haven't been able to relax," the redhead replied with a sigh. "And now I'm so glad I couldn't 'cause who knows how long you might've had to be trapped down here if it hadn't been for my nerves!"  
  
Buffy laughed at that.  
  
"That's true," she nodded, starting the ascent of the stairs.  
  
Giles and Xander slowly followed the trio, but Spike stood still.  
  
"Coming?" Xander asked, stopping and turning partially to the vamp before he smiled. "Sorry - did that come out as an invitation? My bad. Please, stay right there. Give us a few moments to skedaddle without having to have you.you know. right behind. With all the hate and all I'm sure you don't mind."  
  
Spike gritted his teeth as the teen disappeared up the stairs in trail of his comrades.  
  
The bleached blonde looked around the room. It was cold and even more empty than before.  
  
He closed his eyes and willed his thoughts to rest.  
  
He would have his moment in the sun. She couldn't deny him.  
  
***  
  
Regular time-frame.  
  
4.30 a.m.  
  
"...and since Giles already had a pretty good idea who the vamp leader was he checked some of the books and we just put our three very brainy heads together and thought up two options," Willow said.  
  
"Which was?" Buffy yawned, pulling her covers up to her chin before rolling over on her side to look at her roommate who had been explaining excitedly for nearly fifteen minutes.  
  
"Am I boring you?" Willow asked with a small and apologetic pout and Buffy smiled, shaking her head.  
  
"No, not at all. I mean, I really wanna know. I just...feel like I haven't slept well in days," she mumbled and Willow returned her smile.  
  
"Sorry," she replied and Buffy shook her head again.  
  
"No need. Just finish. I have a feeling you were getting close to the explosive, round-up ending," she then encouraged and Willow nodded.  
  
"Okay. Well, option number one was that the leader vamp had killed you, and option number two was that it had used one or two of its notorious abilities for magic to somehow stall you. Since we knew that option number one was barely even visible we decided that option number two was the one to go for... It took us a few hours and a lotta help from Riley and his contacts to figure out what kinda spell it might be, but once we had it pretty much narrowed down it really wasn't that much work and... now you're here!"  
  
Buffy smiled again, closing her eyes sleepily before she mumbled:  
  
"If it had been me I'd just gone out hunting for the pack of vamp's, caught them by the short hairs and then killed them off 'til no one was left but the leader - getting the info I needed from it and then just...being done with it."  
  
Willow stared at her for a moment.  
  
"That might've been a good approach," she then said slowly, "if you're the Slayer."  
  
"Yeah," Buffy muttered. "It WILL be a really good approach," she then added, "'cause once I'm through with that scum it'll need all the magic it can get its paws on to be able to piece itself together."  
  
"Buffy," Willow said in a low voice. "What happened down there?"  
  
"I told you," came the reluctant reply. "I can't remember."  
  
I hope I never do see him ever again, the Slayer thought to herself. I hope I never, ever have to face him again. If he looks at me long enough he'll see right through me. He'll know all of this is an act. He'll break me all over again...  
  
Her thoughts trailed off at that and she opened her eyes sharply.  
  
No.  
  
No, not ever again. If she so had to kill him to keep him from doing it, he would never touch her ever again.  
  
You told yourself he couldn't, a mocking voice spoke in the back of her head and she closed her eyes. You convinced yourself he would never touch you and look at yourself now, it whispered. You desire him still...  
  
Think of Riley, she cut that voice off with. Think of Riley and how his touch makes you warm and fuzzy all over. How he looks at you and...  
  
A pair of ice-blue eyes appeared before her inner vision and she almost drew a breath.  
  
Damn it, let him go! she instructed herself impatiently. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life, Buffy. That's the only thought you have to repeat over and over. Tomorrow these past five days...or something or other, NEVER happened.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Okay, so they're outta the woods. The basement. Whatever. For now... ;) *grin* Thanks SO much for the beautiful line of reviews once more apparant on my reviewpage! It feels more than wonderful, but I'm sure I don't have to tell you that. Just, thanks SO much.  
  
Very special thanks to Cate, hmm..., Haley, LILI, Jen, Renee', Pine, Weeza, Captain, charisma1525, LizDarcy, VampiresKiss, wolf116, Falcon-Rider, Johanna, Alyssa and Ape18. Yowzaa! Or however the heck you write that! ;) Thanks a lot for coninuing support. Without it I wouldn't be here posting and you know it, and I'm grateful that I get to so thanks SO much! Luv ya!  
  
Hope you liked this... Well, this seems to be spinning off track slightly. I had no real clue how long or short this might get to be, and since y'all seem to like it I guess I'll continue it until you stop doing so. Sound good? ;) I'm loving writing it, anways. Okay, so this is getting to be slightly AU or what you wanna call it. I hope you won't mind that. Of course it would be impossible to write any further and actually have it walk completely hand-in-hand with the show.  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	13. The Scene of the Crime

***********************************TRApPeD**********************************  
  
Thirteen: The Scene of the Crime  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-04-01  
  
****************************************************************************  
  
The Following Night - Regular time-frame.  
  
Day Six.  
  
8.45 p.m.  
  
Buffy pulled her jacket together, buttoning it up as the chill of the air was making itself known. She was huddled behind a bush located twenty-or-so yards away from the house in which she had experienced things she would really just love to be able to get out of her head. What bliss if the un- spelling actually would have erased every last scrap of it from her mind. But. no such luck.  
  
She was waiting.  
  
It was payback time and she was certain it was going to be sweet.  
  
The day had been slow, filled with nothing to do but homework and indulging herself in some boyfriend friendly cuddling activities... It was, after all, Saturday. But now it was Saturnight and she had been longing for it. Dying for it. She needed a good slay and though she hated to admit it she felt like she needed to blow off some steam. For various reasons - the operative one being her still lingering disbelief, abhor and anger with herself that she so completely had lost herself, had indulged herself in acts so heinous they weren't fit to even...think about.  
  
She got herself out of the loop her mind constantly kept drifting back into. A loop where his hands and his eyes and his mouth played key rolls. And how she hated him for it. That good-for-nothing...  
  
"Whatcha doin' lurkin' in the sodding shrubs and weeds?"  
  
She swirled around so fast that she lost her balance and sat down in the grass, her gaze in the blue of his and the sudden tease in it made her hands grasp the straws under them, ripping them from their bed of earth carelessly.  
  
"Sorry, love," he smirked, "didn't mean to knock you off your feet."  
  
She glared at him; too annoyed to even think, much less speak. And she had thought this meeting would be awkward. Bah! Looking at him now made her realize why nothing was ever going to happen between him and her again. He was nothing but a... Nothing but a... Once she thought up a word good enough she'd add it to that sentence and thrash his face with it!  
  
"So, you thinking 'bout going back in?" he asked, squatting down before her as he gazed over at the building.  
  
"Are you seriously here to actually try to TALK with me?" she asked, getting on her knees and brushing the back of her coat before she rested her eyes in his. "Let me just give you one tiny hint - don't."  
  
His smirk widened.  
  
"Aw, but in there you were so talkative. Your lips were keeping themselves busy practically twenty-four-bloody-seven..." he replied, his eyes growing rather dangerous as he let them drift to the spoken body part. "You don't remember...?" he then asked and she narrowed her eyes.  
  
Her heart was beginning to be a challenge and she looked away from him, turning her head to the object of her stake-out. Spike observed her profile in silence for a few minutes. When she refused to speak he shrugged, rising, and she turned her head to him again.  
  
"Once the nasties get here you're gonna need back-up," he stated and she furrowed her brow questioningly. "I hear they're a big group of purebred antiSlayer and you'd do bloody well at..."  
  
"Get down!" she hissed, reaching up a hand and pulling him back down.  
  
He ducked his head slightly, trying to see what she seemed to have picked up on, but unable to detect anything out of the ordinary.  
  
"I don't think you came here to help me," she now whispered, keeping her eyes on the building.  
  
"No?" he asked. "And why did I come then, miss know-it-all?"  
  
"You came here to bug the hell outta me so I'll lose my focus and get myself killed," she stated. "And you can nag my ear off - it's not gonna work."  
  
He smiled at that, shaking his head a little at her.  
  
"You know, for someone whom I hate you know me far too well, Slayer," he mumbled and she turned her head to him with a small wrinkle between her eyebrows.  
  
He merely cocked an eyebrow before bringing a cigarette to his lips.  
  
She rolled her eyes at him.  
  
"Those things 'll kill ya," she said and he gave her a look as he brought out his lighter and put the flame by the tip. She met his gaze with her eyebrows raised, then added with a shrug: "Says so on the box."  
  
"No, the box states that smoking is bad for your health, brainiac," he retorted. "Do you think they'd be so bloody stupid as to sodding consent to putting out a marketing campaign where they actually proclaim that smoking kills?"  
  
"They could throw a 'might eventually' into the mix," she replied. "I mean, if it says that something 'might' be lethal in twenty to thirty years I think people tend to think little of it."  
  
"Are you having a profound moment?" he asked.  
  
"I might be, yeah," she nodded, once more looking toward the house.  
  
"Please, spare me."  
  
"Why do you think I started it?" she shot and he arched an eyebrow.  
  
"Touché," he replied with a small smile and she gave him a look before the sound of voices had them both on immediate alert mode and they turned their heads to their right, from where the sound was approaching.  
  
Soon ten vampires came strolling into view - three of them were carrying a body each, slung over one shoulder. They seemed perfectly unaware of what was awaiting them and Buffy smiled to herself, watching them walk across the street.  
  
"That's a large band of brothers," Spike remarked. "You absolutely positive you wanna go in there all by your literally itsy-bitsy self?"  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked, her gaze impatient as she turned it on him and he tried to look as well-meaning as he could, answering:  
  
"Well, you're not exactly the largest specimen, are you?"  
  
Her eyes grew a shade darker and he tilted his head to one side, observing her with the self-assurance of seeing how he was getting to her evident all over his posture.  
  
"Neither are you," she then retorted and he smirked widely at that comeback before he watched her as she snuck out of the bushes and began to run toward the house, into which the vamps had now disappeared.  
  
Buffy slowed down as she approached the sagging picket-fence - now as sad and worn off in color and texture as the actual building it surrounded - and then carefully made her way through the gap where there once had been a proud, waist-high gate.  
  
She proceeded her sneaking by means of the over-grown walkway leading up to the stairs, in their turn taking her up to the front door. Pressing herself against the wall of the house she started the ascent. Stealthily continuing on her path up to the door she stopped before it, listening.  
  
"Hear any munching?" Spike asked right behind her and she twirled around with a sharp breath in surprise. "Or sucking?" he added and she glared up at him.  
  
"Shut up!" she hissed, turning back around.  
  
"Oh, the re-live of old times past," he sighed. "How I wish it were me - I - down there with them... Feasting."  
  
"If you don't shut up I'll have to get a needle, a thread, and then most happily do the job for you - understand?" she asked, voice low.  
  
"You're making me shiver," he mumbled and she closed her eyes briefly at the slow sound of his voice. "Please, don't stop."  
  
She glanced at him over her shoulder warningly before placing a hand on the doorknob and turning it.  
  
"If you're only gonna be a nuisance: go - away," she demanded and he smiled at that.  
  
"Not a chance in hell," he replied as they both stepped through the door and into the dark hall. "So," he grumbled as she slid the door closed and let the knob go, "back at the scene of the crime."  
  
"You know, I remember this," she said, turning to face him and he cocked an eyebrow, meeting her gaze. "You following, annoying me - this is all very familiar. What I don't remember is what prompted this swipe of personalities," she now added and he blinked. "You're standing awfully close to me, fang boy. Back off or I'll not-accidentally mistake you for one of the others and you can have exactly what you want - to be part of the rest of the happy assembly, and munch dust down in the basement from now 'til the end of eternity."  
  
He gave a small nod as he took a step back.  
  
She gave him a long look, filled with both a threat and something close to a quizzical expression.  
  
He just did something I asked without his mouth going off like it was the cavalry, she thought, rather perplexed. That was really...weird.  
  
Spike followed her as she slowly made her way down the hallway.  
  
"'Fang boy'," he then whispered, looking around him in the same manner that she was. "I like that. It has a nice, super-hero kinda ring to it," he added and she glanced at him disbelievingly.  
  
He merely smirked.  
  
"Stop," she whispered, reaching out an arm to block his way as they could hear shuffling of feet above their heads.  
  
"Why don't we just run up there and take them out?" Spike asked.  
  
"'Cause there's ten of them," she answered him.  
  
"So? I can take five and I'm sure I'd be able to get rid of them fast enough to take on the three left after you do yours," he stated and her eyes flashed with growing impatience.  
  
"Very funny," she muttered. "Okay... Let's just go up there and see what happens."  
  
He eyed her for a second.  
  
"Good plan," he then nodded, the hint of sarcasm not going by unnoticed and she gave him another glare before she began to ascend the stairs.  
  
He waited for a few seconds and then slowly followed.  
  
The first vamp was dust instantly and as the second and third approached her Buffy ducked, swirled around and got rid of those two just as quickly. Spike had just reached the top step of the stairs when three of the seven remaining fiends attacked her. He tilted his head to one side and leaned with one shoulder against the wall to his right, observing the scene.  
  
She was one fast, sleek killing machine when she wanted to be. Wow. He watched the muscles of her legs work as she fought back a dark haired vamp by averting its blow and then kicking her right foot up so high it hit the pained creature in the side of the head. It went down - weakling - and she made no more of it before sinking her weapon through its ribcage.  
  
She turned her head to the bleached one still reluctantly admiring her skill and then she gave him a small smirk.  
  
"So far I've brought down four all by my self," she remarked. "How's that for 'itsy-bitsy'?"  
  
He returned the smirk.  
  
"You trying to prove yourself to me, Slayer?" he asked and her eyes grew hard with irritation right before she was tackled to the floor.  
  
She kneed the red-haired vampire in the groin and then flipped it over her head as though it was made of cardboard. Spike raised his eyebrows, rather impressed. Looking to his left he met the eyes of one of the vamps, standing beside him and Spike came to the conclusion that it must have come up the stairs only moments after he had. It was seemingly also enjoying the show.  
  
"And that was a pretty large chap too," Spike now said and the other vamp smiled widely, nodding.  
  
The bleached one frowned, threw out an arm and pinned the other demon to the wall by its thick neck. Spike's grip was as tight and merciless as a claw and the vampire stared at him with growing disbelief. The former sighed, bringing out a stake from the small of his back and the vamp's eyes grew enormous.  
  
"You cannot be...!" was all it had time to get out before his own kin made him into just another one-liner walk on.  
  
Spike brushed at the ashes as he turned his head back to the fighting.  
  
Buffy was just finishing off her sixth kill and then she turned to the leader who was reading out of a book clearly containing spells.  
  
"Oh, no, you don't!" Buffy stated, running up to the vamp and snatching the book out of its hands. "You've caused enough trouble," she added, twirling around and throwing the book straight into the arms of the approaching Spike.  
  
"There were two more," he said and she nodded.  
  
"Yeah, they split," she replied.  
  
"What?!" Spike exclaimed, incredulous tone in his voice before he shook his head. "You know, you really need to break them in," he added, eyes in the leader's. "You need to make them enjoy pain, you know? Get a kick outta it. Otherwise this is exactly what happens. You're standing in the middle of the battlefield with no one to watch your bloody back! Now, is that good sodding leadership?"  
  
"Spike," Buffy said tiredly. "Just for one second shut up and let me deal with this."  
  
He rolled his eyes to the ceiling, shaking his head once more as he turned away from her. Looking down at the book still in his arms he murmured something incoherent and Buffy once again rested her eyes in that of the leader.  
  
"Are there more?" she asked.  
  
"What?" the vamp asked back, his voice raspy and his gaze cold. "Vampires?"  
  
She smiled with no humor.  
  
"Nests like this one?" she wanted to know and the vamp shook its head.  
  
"You're barking up the wrong tree, Slayer," it spat. "You think I'll rat out those who might eventually kill you?" it then snorted and she narrowed her eyes.  
  
"If you give me information I'll make it quicker," she assured and now Spike chuckled.  
  
She turned her head slowly to him, her eyes foreboding, but he didn't seem to mind.  
  
"You couldn't stomach torturing someone, even if they happened to be a demon," he now stated. "I promise you, mate," he added with a look at the leader, "don't tell her anything, she wouldn't know slow from fast if she so had a bloody manual and a show's-you-how-to-do-it-step-by-step video. You have absolutely nothing at all to worry about."  
  
Her features turned into a shadow-y disbelief and he looked at her fearlessly.  
  
She shook her head at him, her right hand was still holding her stake and now she gripped it before putting it into the chest of the leader without so much as letting Spike's eyes go for the tenth of a second. Stepping away from the settling cloud of dust she stopped before the previous Big Bad with a gaze that could cut straight through stone.  
  
"If you EVER do that again," she said and he smiled.  
  
"That's all you've got though," he retorted. "'If I ever' this, 'if I ever' that... Threats," he shrugged, "never really did it for me."  
  
She took a step closer and he suppressed the small smile in need of growth as he looked down into the thunderclaps of her eyes.  
  
"And what," she began, voice practically shaking with held back anger, "would you say 'does it' for you?"  
  
"Oh, sweetness," he mumbled, reaching up a hand and sliding it to cup her cheek. "Do you really need to ask?"  
  
Her eyes were completely in lack of any emotion as she held his gaze. And after three long seconds she moved one arm and brushed his away, making his hand move as well.  
  
"Don't touch me," she murmured, her jaw tight and her posture rigid.  
  
He couldn't help but smirk as she got herself in motion and walked past him toward the stairs.  
  
Had he done what he just had BEFORE their little imprisonment his hand would be broken in three places by now. Well, she sure as hell wouldn't have let it linger on her skin for those few breathless moments, that was for sure. She did remember. Question was - how hard was she trying to forget?  
  
Stomping down the stairs she proceeded to look for the three bodies and once she found them she felt a sudden rush of helplessness pour through her. Looking down at two young women and an equally young man - they couldn't be over twenty-five either one of them - she felt a searing doubt in herself. In what she was trying to accomplish every night. Was it even worth anything when things like this still happened? People dying...  
  
She disliked having thoughts like that enter her head; but once they did they usually stuck around for a while and she was crying softly to herself as she covered the bodies with old sheets that had been tossed over some of the left behind furniture - now in the same bad state as the whole property seemed to be in. This was when Spike joined her - coming down to stand in the doorway.  
  
He stared at her, the comment he had been about to make got stuck somewhere on the way and he watched her in silence as she finished her work.  
  
She didn't look at him. Seemed barely aware of his presence.  
  
"You...did good up there," he finally got out and she turned her head to him. "Couldn't 've done better myself."  
  
"Obviously," she retorted and he nodded.  
  
"Right. Well."  
  
"Right? Well?" she mimicked and he frowned slightly.  
  
"You need someone to take whatever's bugging you out on?" he wondered and she crossed her arms over her chest, sniffling before she asked:  
  
"Why? You volunteering?"  
  
"Nah. Just saw this other house on the way here and thought it might be worth checking out," he replied and she shook her head, wiping her nose with the back of one hand.  
  
"Don't try to make me feel better," she sighed and his eyebrows rose high.  
  
"I was NOT bloody TRYING!" he disagreed and she gave him a look. "Hey, if I'd tried you'd BE feeling better," he added and she looked disbelieving.  
  
"Something tells me that someone who thinks shoving railroad spikes through people's limbs isn't THAT good at making a person 'feel better'," she muttered, straightening out her jacket and drawing a breath before she squared her shoulders.  
  
"Don't knock it 'til you've tried it," he retorted with a meaningful smirk and her eyes widened just a little before she walked past him into the hall.  
  
"I'm leaving," she stated and he followed.  
  
"Where to? The night's still young. Wanna go check out some cemeteries?"  
  
"Spike, I don't even wanna look at you. You walk that way and I'll walk this way."  
  
"After everything we've been through tonight?!" he gasped, mock-insult in his voice and she put a hand by her forehead with an exasperated look on her face as she descended the stairs of the front porch. "After everything we've been through - period?" he added; grabbing her arm, making her stop and turn around to face him. "I know you know what happened in that basement, Buffy. I know you remember all of it," he stated and she huffed.  
  
"You wish, don't you?" she retorted and one of his eyebrows rose as the cockiness became clear on him.  
  
"Why should I?" he inquired and she smiled sweetly.  
  
"You tell me," she shot. "It just seems like it to little old, itsy-bitsy me. Actually you almost border on desperate... So tell me, Spike," she added, taking a step closer to him and tilting her head back to look up at him. "What happened?"  
  
"Watch it," he mumbled, his face drawing closer to hers and Buffy felt her heart begin to beat harder as he added: "Or I just might."  
  
"Keep wishing," she murmured, pulling away from him, turning and leaving him standing where he was - feeling his eyes on her back as she made her way towards wherever he wasn't.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Oh, goddie! Thank you all for the marvelous treats! I'm so glad you liked that! Hope you did this too! Luv ya!  
  
Specialty special thanks to Johanna (can't thank you enough for that encouragement!), Night (I was so happy to read that! Great that you like it! And *smile* yeah, real life is so BAD!), charisma1525 (hehe, you make me *grin*), LizDarcy (*snicker* The shake of Buffy - yeah, I recognize that.) ;), shadowschild (wow, thanks a lot for that compliment. So glad you think that!) :), Heather (*wide smile*) ;), Pine (*lol* Seems like no one really likes poor Riley. Why, it just breaks my heart. *LOL*) ;), Falcon- Rider (really? Did you like it then?) :), Captain (oooh, YOU make ME all warm and fuzzy inside! Thank you!), Haley (isn't she just the best? *smirk* Well... hehe, hope you enjoyed this.), Charlie (you'll see and hey, WOW at the compliments here. *fanning herself* Thank you!) and wolf116 (I'm sorry, but yeah, I HAD to! Believe me, I wouldn't have unless his such an annoying part of the show in this frame of time... Hmm, a truck, you say?) ;).  
  
Thank you all so very much from the bottom of my heart for continuing your unbelievable feedback! I'm very humble before you and I really hope you did like this as well...  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	14. Bestest Buffy Birthday Bash

***********************************TRApPeD**********************************  
  
Fourteen: Bestest Buffy Birthday Bash  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-04-03  
  
**************************************************************************** *  
  
Day Seven.  
  
8.54 p.m.  
  
The music was pouring out of the speakers, the cake was half-through eaten and everybody seemed to be enjoying themselves royally. So was Buffy. So much had been going on recently that she had come close to forgetting about her own birthday and a party to celebrate it - however uncalled for and extremely surprising as it had been - was exactly what she had needed.  
  
She needed to remember to thank Willow properly later.  
  
She rested her head against Riley's shoulder and smiled contentedly to herself as she looked out over the small crowd of people, all with faces she knew and it was sort of a comfort. She didn't need to shake any hands and listen to layouts of life-stories because she pretty much knew all of them already.  
  
Nineteen.  
  
She didn't feel older.  
  
"Well, my memory of the whole shablam is pretty jumbled up by now," Xander was saying to Riley, "but it's cool to have some knowledge left, you know? Codes and stuff. And..."  
  
Buffy straightened her posture when her eyes caught the shape of a face much TOO familiar and she flashed Riley a smile before she excused herself.  
  
Spike easily parted the crowd as he made his way through it, looking at the humans and practically feeling how their hearts beat in their tries to reach out to him. Tempt him. He was hungry.  
  
"WHAT the hell are you doing here?" her voice hissed as one hand grabbed the arm of his duster in a tight grip and dragged him off, away from the others.  
  
"Slayer!" he exclaimed with fake-excitement. "Wonderful little bash you're having yourself here," he added as they stopped by one of the walls, the rest of the assembled out of hearing range and Riley positioned on the other side of the room. "Do you serve anything for us prone to...?"  
  
"Don't be ridiculous!" she interrupted, her voice harsh and he cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"Not the friendly hostess, are we?" he asked and she gave him a look of warning. "Would you let go of my arm already? Loverboy over there might get the wrong idea..."  
  
Buffy hadn't even realized she was still gripping the leather and she let it go with a hard jerk of her arm, shaking her head at herself and at him - for showing up like this. He sure did choose the absolutely most horrific moments to barge in.  
  
"You're not welcome here," she said, lowering her voice.  
  
He smirked at that.  
  
"I was invited," he replied and her eyes grew.  
  
"I don't believe you."  
  
"Ask Red," he shrugged. "I wasn't planning on coming, of course... But something just felt right about being here...you know?"  
  
She suddenly realized how close they were standing and she took a small step back, glaring up at him with the most overwhelming sense of impatience with him blooming in her chest.  
  
"Go. Away," she demanded and his smirk broadened.  
  
"I haven't even tasted the cake yet," he remarked. "Bet its sweet and full... Bold. Something even I could bloody enjoy."  
  
She clenched her jaws together at the suggestiveness of his gaze as he held hers.  
  
"It's right over there," she then replied with a nod toward the table on which the treat was located. "Eat your heart out," she added, turning from him and walking back across the room to her boyfriend.  
  
Spike watched her, tilting his head a little to the right as he narrowed his eyes.  
  
Why couldn't he get her out of his head? She was a constant bug crawling around, making his thoughts itch. It didn't matter how much he tried to brush her away, she was too stubborn; clad in a shield of all the wheels she had brought in motion within him. He thought his own desire was driving him out of his rightful mind, but there was something else there - a shadow of something that refused to come out into the light. He couldn't force it either and it was unsettling.  
  
Observing her, how happy she looked... something stirred within him at the sight of it.  
  
He swallowed.  
  
It wasn't jealousy. He would never label anything even remotely related to her as that, because it was way too weird a thought. To be jealous, you have to care. And he didn't. He didn't care. All he wanted was to bury himself deep inside of her again, all he wanted was to feel her body pressed against his. Nothing more.  
  
He huffed.  
  
What the bloody hell else is there? he asked himself.  
  
"Spike," Willow's voice was heard before him and he moved his gaze to meet hers. "You came. I didn't think that you would. But you did. So... hi."  
  
He furrowed his brow slightly and she smiled brightly.  
  
"Buffy ask you to get me to leave?" he asked and her smile died.  
  
"Just a little," she replied and he nodded.  
  
"Your mess, your clean-up?" he inquired and she looked apologetic.  
  
"Well, I just kinda happened to MENTION that we were throwing a surprise party, I didn't really formulate it as an official invitation, you know?" she asked back and he smirked.  
  
"You tell that to Buffy?" he wondered.  
  
"Of course," she answered.  
  
"And her response?"  
  
Willow made a rather regretful face before she said:  
  
"My mess, my clean-up."  
  
His smirk widened.  
  
"You know I don't like the lot of you anyway," he stated and Willow nodded. "Best be getting on my merry way then," he added, pushing away from the wall.  
  
"Did you at least taste the cake? It was really yummy," Willow tried to redeem her rudeness - as she saw it - as she walked him toward the exit door.  
  
He turned his head and looked back over at the Slayer, wrapped in the arms of her soldier boy.  
  
"Yeah, I got a little taste," the vampire then replied. "Save me a piece for later, okay?" he added and Willow blinked, rather surprised, not having a chance to reply as he disappeared through the doorway.  
  
Turning her head she rested them in Buffy's. The latter smiled a small smile and Willow returned it, thinking no more of it.  
  
***  
  
11.56 p.m.  
  
Buffy wiped the table, previously hosting the refreshments, with a damp piece of cloth. Leaning over it to reach the far corners as she let her thoughts flow freely.  
  
Why had he come? She couldn't get her head around it. She didn't understand what he thought this constant popping up everywhere was going to accomplish. He couldn't actually believe that she was going to all of a sudden warm to the idea of having him around, she knew even he wasn't that retarded. And... he didn't WANT her to do that. Warm. To the idea. So, what was he doing?  
  
Sure, he wanted her to confess. Confess to the memory of some crazed, surreal, degrading experience that she had just happened to share with him while under a lot of pressure and not a little amount of thinkage toward the whole stuck-forever deal.  
  
So, she had had one second of pure weakness and for some reason she had gone back into some sort of shocked state of wanting something that was...horrendously wrong. It was so wrong it wasn't even within the actual frame of plain, ordinary, gray wrong - this was the black, dark, terrifying sort of wrong that only occurred in nightmares where you woke up with a cold sweat and a heart beating a thousand beats per second and...  
  
She closed her eyes, leaning further forward and resting her upper body against the coolness of the imitated wood.  
  
Why was she fretting over this? Why was she constantly trying to rectify it?  
  
Because you haven't told Riley about it yet, perhaps? a small squeak of a voice piped up in the back of her head and she grumbled.  
  
I can't tell Riley. I can't ever tell anyone. I shouldn't even continue this stupid reminding myself of the fact that it even took place!  
  
She straightened herself into a standing position once more, sighing as she fiddled slightly with the cloth in her hands.  
  
She had told Willow that she would take care of the cleaning up. That she felt like she needed some one-on-one with herself, clear her head. Wind down. Riley had been forced to leave a few hours earlier - something with his alter ego agent Finn... She knew she was falling in love with him. He was funny and handsome and had such a wonderful smile. He knew who she was and he dealt. He was a great kisser and he made her feel...  
  
Two hands slid gently up her bare arms and she drew a small breath at the touch. Closing her eyes at the shivers of anticipating pleasure immediately setting out on a collisions course with every nerve of her body.  
  
"I didn't get a chance to wish you a happy birthday... Slayer."  
  
The words were so low she was unsure whether he was speaking them or thinking them, transferring them into her head by means of silk thread and velvet rope.  
  
Oh, God.  
  
Exhaling she opened her eyes and shook her head, putting the cloth on the table.  
  
"Why would you?" she asked, keeping her voice under control and wondering how she could have missed feeling him approach her, his presence seemed larger than the room could hold and she struggled with the shivers as his fingers gripped her shoulders to move her around and face him.  
  
She looked up at him defiantly, thinking of how very real her disgust with him still was and bringing it forth in spades as she glared at him.  
  
"Why are you here?" she now demanded as he wasn't answering her.  
  
"HERE-here? 'In this room' here?" he asked back and she squirmed out of his hands, taking a step back and putting her hands on either hip - making him raise his eyebrows. "I take it that's your way of saying 'if you don't bloody stop that and tell me what I wanna know I'll bleeding well kick you from here into the fading sunlight'?" he added and she tilted her head to one side meaningfully.  
  
He merely rolled his eyes at her and then reached into the inner pocket of his duster to bring out his smokes. She stared at him and as he brought one out she stepped up to him, grabbed it and threw it to the floor before crushing it beneath one of her heels.  
  
"Been here, done this," he muttered. "You know, that's sodding money you're trampling all over there, sweetheart," he added, the last word hardened with annoyance. "You could just ask me nicely."  
  
She huffed.  
  
"For you to listen I'd have to grovel on my hands and knees," she retorted. "And I'm not the begging kind."  
  
He smirked, holding up the pack of cigarettes before throwing it down on the table.  
  
"A show of good faith, love," he said and she cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"Yeah? Good faith in what - the no smoking rules of the school?" she shot and he chuckled.  
  
"You know, when you put your mind to it you can actually be pretty damn amusing," he stated and her gaze grew darker as she took a step closer to him.  
  
"I want you to leave me alone," she breathed and he blinked.  
  
"Why?" he asked, tilting his head slowly to one side as he looked down at her.  
  
She turned from him with a snarl of irritation and he smirked, leaning against the edge of the table and observing her as she began to pace from side to side before him.  
  
"I don't hear an answer," he pointed out and she stopped to hold his gaze.  
  
"I'll give you twenty reasons. Hell, I'll give you a thousand! Would that be answer enough?!" she exclaimed and his eyebrows rose again.  
  
"Temper, temper, honey-buns," he teased. "But yeah, please, you just start talking and I'll keep count."  
  
"Okay," she nodded. "I have never hated anyone this purely before in my entire life."  
  
"Likewise," he volunteered cheerfully and she glared at him to not interrupt. "That's one," he merely added and she continued:  
  
"You're nothing but this annoying, evil, revolting, soulless, sickening, stubborn, repelling, cocky, insufferable, crazed with needs to rule the world, murdering, good-for-nothing, bleached...leather- wearing...scheming...annoying..."  
  
Spike straightened his posture as she began to trail off, approaching her slowly.  
  
"You already said that," he cut her off and she turned her head to him.  
  
Tilting it back slightly as he stopped right in front of her, she looked into those blue eyes and felt how they were cautiously, but surely, hooking her. She swallowed.  
  
"And - you tend to think that this sudden...lack of...air between us is something that is..."  
  
"Acceptable?" he filled in and she nodded slowly.  
  
"It's really not," she stated and he smirked.  
  
"So move," he encouraged and she knew that she would have to, growing nervous at the thought of stumbling to the ground as her legs proved to be useless as tools of getaway.  
  
Taking a step back she said:  
  
"I think I was at four..."  
  
"You lost, you know," he suddenly said and she felt a rush of ice run down her spine as she instinctively knew to what he was referring.  
  
Putting on a quizzical expression she waited for him to elaborate.  
  
"I'd like to claim my prize sometime in the near future," he continued.  
  
"I haven't even the faintest clue as to..."  
  
"You're not even the slightest bloody curious?" he interrupted softly and she bit her jaws together as he came closer again. "There's no...need...to know?" he asked and the slow purr in the back of his throat made her mouth water with an urge to have his lips...  
  
Oh, dear Lord!  
  
She swirled around and walked up to the table again, grabbing the cloth and turning to him when he followed.  
  
"Stop it," she hissed, at the end of her tether with him, growing fed-up with herself and feeling a subtle confusion rest somewhere in-between.  
  
"What? What am I doing?" he wondered.  
  
"Do you think that just by trying to be your usual, creeping-me-out-'til-my- head-is-spinning, incredibly vermin-y self you're gonna get me to magically remember whatever you dreamed happened during the short extension of time we spent in that boring hole of a basement?!" she wanted to know and he arched his scarred eyebrow with a small smile. "Oh, drop the whole 'you already remember' bit, Spike. It's a pathetic excuse for trying to drive me insane."  
  
His smile widened considerably at those words.  
  
"Ah, so THAT'S what I'm doing," he nodded and she threw the cloth in his face.  
  
He merely laughed at that, getting it off him and tossing it aside.  
  
"I HATE you, you make me sick!" she yelled and he eyed her calmly as he replied:  
  
"Once again with the that-has-already-been-said."  
  
"Get out," she demanded, voice growing cool as she turned from him again.  
  
"You know, I have to bloody compliment you," he now stated, once again coming up to her. "No one's ever been able to resist me this long... Especially not after I've already had them once. Or was it tw-...?"  
  
He was cut off by her hand connecting with his cheek as she slapped him hard.  
  
Her eyes grew as his narrowed with questions. The surprise in her gaze tattled on how unprepared she had been for that reaction from herself, and he blinked as the wonderment slipped through his thoughts.  
  
Then he smiled slightly.  
  
"Oh, you're right," he nodded. "It was a few more times than that."  
  
She bit her jaws together. He took a step closer, leaning forward slightly to speak into her ear and then he whispered:  
  
"Happy birthday."  
  
Without another word from either of them it was his turn to turn from her, and leave her speechless as her hand ached from the task it had performed.  
  
What's wrong with me? she asked herself as she could feel the immediate sense of him fade away with him removing himself from the school grounds. Why do I let him get to me like this, over and over? Why didn't I hit him normally. A good left hook right on the chin, THAT would've been a bit more intimidating - but slapping him like that? What did that show? Nothing but the fact that it was a heat-of-the-moment reaction to the words he was speaking. Like they would matter to me. Like I would care that what I am is just another one...another... It was sex! For crying out loud, it was nothing but sex for the both of us. Why do I feel so... violated by him?  
  
She sat down on the floor, crossing her legs and looking down at her hands.  
  
Sex - sure, it had been that... But it had been more. Because she wasn't one to take to it lightly and that was why it was getting to her. This desire for him still burning deep inside her was unlike anything else and that was why it was getting to her. It had been meaningless, mindless sensuality. But the fact that she had given herself to him, had taken him... THAT wasn't something, once she chose to acknowledged it - as she had in that short moment just now - that she could shrug her shoulders at.  
  
She knew all of the aspects came down to simple fact - there had been NO emotions what so ever involved in their actions that had been related to any kind of stronger affection toward one another.  
  
But sex - no matter how raw - is always about something more. So be it power, be it lust, be it one moment in history where you completely lose your head and can't hold a deeper urge down - it was still that force of needing to be close, be joined, be one with another that...  
  
Oh, I can't think like this, she interrupted her attempt at rationalization, getting to her feet.  
  
Still the soft feel of his hands sliding up her arms, the closeness of him as he stepped into her from behind - it was more than she could shake.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
I hope, hope, hope that you enjoyed that! *smile* I'm having sucha great time writing this and a great part of it is hearing from you so once again and as always thank you so much for great reviews!  
  
Special, delicious, chocolate covered, pancake wrapped thanks to hmm..., Johanna, Captain, Renee', LizDarcy, wolf116, Kamla, Pine and Rose! Thanks so much for positive feedback and continuing support!  
  
I know this chapter is earlier than usual, but I just thought you guys really deserved that! ;) Thanks a lot to all of you reading!  
  
Please - send me a treat! ;P  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	15. In the Harsh Light of Day

*************************************TRApPeD******************************** ****  
  
Fifteen: In the Harsh Light of Day  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-04-04  
  
**************************************************************************** ******  
  
Day Ten.  
  
3.16 p.m.  
  
"Buffy!" Willow exclaimed happily as she entered their dorm room, putting her books on her desk before turning to her friend - seated on her bed.  
  
"I cheerfully exclaim your name back," Buffy mumbled, pulling her legs up and wrapping her arms around them as she glanced up at the redhead.  
  
Willow frowned.  
  
"Hey," she said, walking up to have a seat before the Slayer, "what's with the gloomyness? I thought you were in a state of round o'clock midst-of-in- love glow... What happened?"  
  
Buffy sighed.  
  
"Nothing 'happened' per say... It's just that Riley told me professor Walsh wants me to see the inside of the Initiative in a few days and it kinda caught me off guard. I'm just...nervous," she replied and Willow smiled. "And then Giles told me that Spike - of all demons - was helping him out the other night. For money, of course," she added, moving to the edge of the bed and getting to her feet. "Not that I actually expected him to do it 'cause he had the sudden urge to," she muttered, more to herself than to Willow, who was having a small and questioning frown grow on as Buffy began to pace.  
  
"Are you sure nothing's going on?" the apprentice Wicca inquired, shifting where she sat so that she could face Buffy.  
  
"It's just this thing with Riley - it's so new, you know?" she answered and Willow observed her, seemingly wanting an elaboration. "What? It is, isn't it?" was all of that that Buffy could give her and Willow smiled tentatively.  
  
"Yeah, but a week ago you would've been voted miss Sunshine," Willow remarked. "Now half the time you go around with a wrinkle between your eyebrows and I kinda don't like it... Wanna tell?"  
  
Buffy hesitated. Her best friend, her confidant through so much, her companion through even more...and now the Slayer actually felt reluctant, felt doubtful that this best friend this time would be able to understand. She didn't like the feeling. Another thing to absolutely loathe about this situation.  
  
"No," Buffy now answered Willow with a small shake of the head, her pacing coming to a stop and she forced on a genuine smile; adding: "No, there's nothing TO tell."  
  
***  
  
4.17 p.m.  
  
She stopped outside the doors of the crypt allegedly hosting a certain bleach-head, rolling her eyes at his sense of irony. The sarcastic touch of once more crowning himself evil, dark and rotten as he created a home for himself at such a cliché-y, two-dime-novel sort of place.  
  
She didn't bother knocking as she entered his abode for the first time. Stepping into a small foyer, heavily decorated with yard long threads of spiderwebs hanging down from the ceiling.  
  
Bet you he put those up himself, she muttered in her head before she pushed the second door open.  
  
It took her into a fairly large room, which the crypt consisted of. Looking around her there was more cobwebs, heaps of dust - making her wonder if she'd been here sometime before, cleaning out a nest of some sort - and to her right a large sarcophagus, on which lay a crumpled blanket.  
  
"You have good taste," she said outloud and there was a brief pause as silence once more slithered into her surroundings; then his voice asked to her left:  
  
"A compliment?"  
  
"A sarcastic one," she replied, turning to him as he stepped out of the shadows.  
  
He smiled a small smile.  
  
"Didn't sound like it," he pointed out and she cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"You think I'd actually say anything good about a place that smells of dead rat and looks like it was the only surviving building of a war?" she retorted and his smile grew into a smirk.  
  
"Between who? Charlotte and those nasty little buggers in 'Arachnophobia'?" he shot. Tilting his head a little to one side he then asked: "Was that a smile?"  
  
Her face grew cool at that question, and whatever hint there had been to lead him to ask it was swiped away sufficiently. Turning from him she walked into the middle of the room, her hands brushing aside the evidence of the fact that there once had been life inhabiting the depressing space.  
  
"I guess you didn't come to discuss litterature and old movies," he mumbled, following her and stopping a few feet behind her. "Did you?" he added and she turned around.  
  
She wondered for the hundredth time what had compelled her to walk here this afternoon. She must be seriously on the verge of a melt-down, she couldn't even remember the reason for her visit. Sticking her hands deep into the pockets of her jacket as she searched for an answer to his question her fingers clasped what she had put in there half an hour earlier, and the reason came back to her with full force.  
  
"I came to make you an offer," she said and he cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"I'm listening," he replied, bringing out a cigarette from his back pocket and putting it in the corner of his mouth as his left hand dug up his infamous lighter.  
  
"I'll give you this," she said, bringing her right hand out of its pocket and showing him the thick wad of bills which it held. His eyes lightened up slightly and she felt encouraged to end her sentence, which she did with: "if you leave Sunnydale for good."  
  
He frowned, and the obvious surprise in his gaze took her off guard. Slowly removing the fag from his mouth and snapping his lighter shut before retrieving both of them into one of the back pockets of his black jeans he narrowed his eyes. Then his face softened with what seemed like a realization and soon after that the infuriating self-assurance came back into his posture.  
  
"How much is it?" he asked and she observed him for a few seconds before she answered:  
  
"A thousand dollars."  
  
His eyes grew.  
  
"A thousand sodding k's?!" he barked and she took a step back. "Are you outta your bloody mind?!"  
  
She blinked.  
  
"I'm sorry, but I don't understand wh-..." she began, only he cut her off as he asked:  
  
"Where the bleeding hell would you get your manicured little paws on that kinda money?"  
  
Buffy glanced at her nails for a second, cocking an eyebrow, and then she looked back at him.  
  
"That isn't important," she replied, voice chilled to subzero degrees as she wanted him to just take the money and leave, not keep on with his insistent bickering. "What's important is that they're yours - if you agree to the proposition."  
  
"That I get the hell outta dodge and don't even glare over my shoulder," he stated and she nodded, wiggling the wad slightly.  
  
Spike felt a strong tug at simply taking the money and doing what she was asking of him. Scratch that - demanding of him. She was practically commanding him out of "her" city, wasn't she? Well, there could only be one real reason why she wanted to get rid of him so badly that she took to means so low as this. Was he going to go away while he had all the aces at hand? No. No, he didn't believe that he would. It wasn't his style. He only left when he had burned all his bridges and it seemed to him like he was just about to finish building one here, though he was at a loss as to where it was actually wanting to take him.  
  
She could almost hear his thoughts move. They crackled and moaned at her for making them work like this. At that analogy she couldn't help but smirk to herself and she quickly got rid of it as she waited for his answer. Something told her that she wasn't exactly convincing him as he kept eyeing her. She swallowed. Perhaps she wasn't really convincing herself either.  
  
A part of her prayed he'd disappear, while another in a trembling and self- doubting way hoped that he would stay - completely blaming doing so on the fact that what she held in her hand was every last dime and nickle of her savings account; and she knew she could find a better use for the money than this.  
  
"You know, I think I've underestimated you severely," he mumbled and she was brought back to the harsh light of day as she remembered with whom she was currently in company. "I thought you to be one of those buggering stabs- you-in-the-back type of fighters - but you're a warrior, aren't you?" She swallowed again, ignoring the fact that her palms were growing sweaty as she slowly lowered the hand holding the cash, her eyes dead centered in his as she listened to him speak. "You're fearless. You walk straight into the den of the lion though deep down you bloody know there's always the chance of being ripped apart."  
  
She raised her eyebrows.  
  
"Don't you mean the den of the wolf?" she quipped and he chuckled as he took a step closer.  
  
Her heart began to pump and she couldn't control it this time. She was already too far gone as she tilted her head back to look up at him. He was a short, excrutiating inch away and her fingers tingled to feel him.  
  
"I thought I had you figured, love," he said and she felt her legs grow weaker, the need to grab him for support was overwhelming and she had to fight every fiber of herself not to give into it. "I thought all there was to you was a sheep in wolves clothing... I'm actually shocked at how sodding wrong I was."  
  
"Don't think that just 'cause you try to..." she started, but he reached out a hand and the touch of his cool skin against the burning one of her cheek made her words run into the sand of time and she drew a breath, shaking her head unnoticably.  
  
His thumb slid over her lower lip and he took a step forward, his body carefully fitting itself into hers.  
  
"I'm not going anywhere," he stated, voice lowered as his left hand moved to the small of her back, pulling her tight against him.  
  
"Spike," she tried, her hands placing themselves on either of his upper arms and her fingers grabbing a tighter hold than she had intended as she at the same time pushed to get him away from her.  
  
Her whole body was beginning to ache with wanting and her attemtps were weak and fruitless.  
  
"Tell me what you really want," he whispered and she shook her head again, closing her eyes and feeling how she was folding. "Tell me why you came."  
  
"No," she practically whimpered. "Let me go," she then pleaded. "Spike, please..."  
  
"Look at me," he demanded and she slowly raised her gaze to his again. "You're not the begging kind...remember?" he asked gently and she felt how her last bits of defense was crumbling at her feet.  
  
"Let me go," she repeated.  
  
"I can't do that," he replied simply. "I still have to claim my prize."  
  
"Well, I'm not something to be had," she retorted with her gaze hardening and he smiled.  
  
"Why did you come?" he asked again and she shook her head at him.  
  
"You are so stupid. I came 'cause I can't stand to have you in my life..."  
  
"Didn't know I was in it," he filed in and she tore lose from him as her strength came back to her, holding on tightly to the simmering anger with him; with how he thought that the world was his playground and everybody his own personal toy.  
  
"And I wanted to offer myself a way to get you the hell out of it," she added to her former statement, causing him to arch an eyebrow. "It's clear that I failed. Miserably at that. And somehow I made you believe that I actually..." she trailed off.  
  
"Came here for a royal reminiscence of old glory days?" he helped with a devilish grin and she took the step dividing them, clenched her right hand into a fist and brought it up to strike when he caught it in his left palm and grabbed it in a hard grip.  
  
She didn't relax her arm, but kept pushing it forward, digging her nuckles into his hand with her eyes raging at him. He didn't flinch, his gaze growing icy as well.  
  
"Why did you slap me like that?" he then suddenly asked and she pulled her fist out of his grip as she took a step back.  
  
Her face had calmed down and now she merely looked at him.  
  
"'Cause you insinuated that I'd actually let you touch me," she then spat, turning from him and walking up to the door.  
  
He was on her the next moment, spinning her around and pushing her backward harshly. Her back slammed into the old wood of the door and she gasped at the suddeness of it the moment before his body pressed her roughly up against the matter behind her and held her there. His face was so close that the tip of his nose barely managed not to touch the tip of hers and her eyes grew involuntarily as she stared up at him.  
  
"I didn't 'insinuate' anything," he murmured. "If you feel like you can't admit the sodding truth to your friends, to soldier boy...fine. But while you're here, with me, alone - you WILL stop with this bloody pitiful charade. I KNOW you remember, Slayer."  
  
Her gaze was once again controlled and she gave him a look at that statement.  
  
"I don't care what you know," she then replied. "I don't care what the hell you want me to do around you 'cause the fact is simple: I take orders about as well as YOU do. So you can just..."  
  
His tongue interrupted her.  
  
His lips were against hers before she could even react and his tongue met hers a fraction of a moment later, causing the muffled interruption and her eyes growing huge with surprise at the feel, at the taste. And then they slowly closed themselves.  
  
She wasn't sure if her heart was pounding or beating so slowly that she could hardly feel it. She wasn't sure exactly what was running through her head or what should be. But she knew that she had wanted him to. Had wanted him to take control and make her... This was why she had come. She knew he knew that, and it terrified her, but to deny it now was impossible.  
  
She had known he would never leave. She had known he'd never take the money. Deep down she had known this because nothing would make him leave Sunnydale when he still had no clue as to what made him the way he was now. He would never leave until he had gotten it out of him and was restored to his full strength. And so making him the offer had been safe...hadn't it? She had known all along that she wouldn't be rid of him that easily.  
  
Somewhere inside her something rational was asking her what the hell she was saying, but the morepart of her was so lost in him that it didn't listen, couldn't reply.  
  
Her hands were somewhere indistinct - her right was in his hair, her left on his cheek...or was it the other way around? And her heart was pounding, no, hardly beating, no, pounding... And his mouth was hers and she owned it with every last breath of her and...  
  
"No!" she exclaimed, pushing him away from her with a shocked, angered, disbelieving glare at him.  
  
He found his balance after taking three steps back and he rested his blue eyes in hers with a look of silent exultation.  
  
"Why did you do that?" she asked and he furrowed his brow, then he huffed, a smirk slowly displaying itself onto his features.  
  
"Why the hell do you think I did it?" he asked back. "Not for the pleasure of it, that's for bleeding sure."  
  
"I could kill you right now," she breathed, the stance she took being very close to pre-fighting and he cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"I just proved you very wrong, cuteness," he replied matter-of-factly. "I just turned you from picture-of-honesty into raving-liar... From self- reliant into self-loathing... From blushing virgin into..." he trailed off and she took a stale step forward.  
  
"I really do hate you," she said and his smile broadened.  
  
"You say those words so often I'm starting to think you might be trying to make yourself hear them - and not me," he retorted and she swallowed, shaking her head.  
  
"Here's something new - you're a bona fide lunatic."  
  
He laughed at that, then nodded.  
  
"You're right! I just bloody called YOU a 'virgin'! When you've always been darkness' whore, haven't you?"  
  
Her face looked as though he had just hit her and he stared at her, too fired up with his anger at himself for feeling things when she touched him that he knew weren't real - that couldn't be real - to care if he was hurting her, if he was battering her. He didn't care.  
  
"What...did you just call me?" she demanded, voice lowered and quivering.  
  
"I put it too plainly? It didn't get through? Then how's this? You fight the darker part of you with every last ray of that shiny light within you, don't you? You battle it back every bloody day, but when you dream, Buffy. When you dream I know you let it out to play with your head as it pleases. In the shadow hours of night you feel completely sodding safe from yourself, from your needs, and you dance. You're so bloody lost, Slayer," he stated, shaking his head bitterly. "Sleeping with me was the best thing that could've happened to you - 'cause it made you have to face yourself, didn't it? You've been in bed with darkness for a long time, love... Not acknowledging it while awake makes you the whore."  
  
She stood in statued silence, her eyes shining with something that could have been tears, but he knew shock and depredation when he saw it - he had witnessed it too many times to mistake it for anything else - and he came to the understanding that what he had just said had not gone by unnoticed.  
  
"In light of that I'll have to take back my previous offer," she finally mumbled. "I'll have to tell you to leave, instead of trying to find a way to get you to leave. I'll have to make you leave, instead of just sitting back and wait for you to. You see, you're right. Sleeping with you made me see a side of me that I don't want to know - not ever. I don't walk into the lion's den knowing I might die, Spike. I walk in there certain that I will. That's why I win. Every time I fight, I fight for life or death. That's what makes me a warrior. If you don't leave, I will have to take that personal. This is my territory you're invading, and even though you might be harmless - you're still the enemy, and you can't be trusted. So if you don't leave I'll kill you. If you're not out of here by tomorrow morning, the next time we meet each other will be the definite last."  
  
"Promise?" he asked and she smiled a humorless smile.  
  
"I promise," she nodded, turning and opening the door.  
  
He watched her walk through it with a stone forming somewhere near his heart. It was heavy and gray and filled with numbing remorse. He wanted to claw it out of his chest, but knew that it was there to stay.  
  
The actual need to tell her that he was sorry, that what he had said hadn't been how he had meant to say it, was what had him walk up to the door and slam it shut with an enraged snarl. The anger took hold of him and he welcomed it with open arms, embraced it, patted its shoulder, invited it in. He let it consume him and had it chase out any other thought.  
  
She had finally admitted it though: she remembered.  
  
"Sodding bitch," he murmured, feeling her mouth against his again and swiping at the memory with the flaming sword of fury.  
  
But it wouldn't be cut through. It wouldn't bleed and fade. It wouldn't die.  
  
Why couldn't he stop his toughts from drifting back to her? They did that on their own, as of late... just made him lose track of time as he closed his eyes and remembered all the slightly changing facets of those few days they spent together... So much hate and anger. So much disdain and rueful distruction between them. So much hunger and passion. Too much need. Too much ravishing, breathtaking, careless, idiotic, blinding, incredible sensation... Too much her.  
  
"Damn you, Buffy," he grumbled, closing his eyes yet again and cautiously being washed over with her scent and touch. "Damn you."  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Sorry that this chapter is late. I tried to post it last night but ff.net would have none of it and so I had to postpone. I really hate it when it does that! ;) Okay, well, better late than never and oh, 'tis the best part of my day when I get to do this! Thanks for giving me something to read, guys! You know this just encourages me to give something back, right? You're simply the best! A.M.L!  
  
Special thanks filled with... well, why not yummy Spikey goodness (?!) goes out to Renee', charisma1525, Johanna (!) ;), mamadd, Captain, Haley (on both!), Alyssa, LizDarcy (and the new review I had recieved this morning) Tesschess. You guys, you make my day and all your beatiful, fun, encouraging, supporting, wonderful thoughts that you put in there is just SO great! Thank you so much for continuing to take the time, I really appreciate it!  
  
So, I hope this wasn't too angsty or anything. I had no plans on making this story completely serious, but the depth of these charachters make it impossible for me not to explore different levels and for the story to progress... Ah, you know what I mean, I'm sure. Anyways, I hope you're still liking this!  
  
Crossing my fingers in wait 'til next time! ;)  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	16. Nowhere Near

************************************TRApPeD********************************* ****  
  
Sixteen: Nowhere Near  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-04-05  
  
**************************************************************************** *****  
  
Day Ten.  
  
4.54 p.m.  
  
Damn him. DAMN him!  
  
Damned be this attitude that everything about her could be used against her. She WASN'T the bull's-eye of an easy target and he needed to learn that. He needed to see that so that he would climb off that laughable excuse for a high horse he was on and come back down to earth. He was crazy to think that she would ever feel gratitude towards him for leading her to do the absolute most indecent act she had ever done.  
  
"Sleeping with me was the best thing that could've happened to you - 'cause it made you have to face yourself, didn't it?"  
  
'Face myself' my butt! she thought to herself as she stormed across the cemetery hosting his crypt, continuing on her way toward the college. The only thing I've had to face has been the fact that some twisted, nauseating need has been triggered for some inexplicable reason and now...  
  
Her thoughts trailed off as she slowed herself down to a stop. She was breathing heavily as she tried to calm herself down.  
  
The feel of him was still all over her body. Teasing her senses and revving her up again.  
  
Getting herself moving she huffed with annoyance. She couldn't calm down. She could never have an emotion such as that inside her in any situation that boiled down to having to do with HIM! She needed to hit something and she needed to hit it hard or she would explode. Or implode. Or just vanish from the earth without a trace!  
  
That'd make him happy, she grumbled in her head. That'd make him build a fire and do a victory dance around it. That'd make him... You don't know what that would make him do, Buffy. Don't presume to know. Don't kid yourself that you know. You. Don't. Know. Him.  
  
She clenched her jaws together at the low mumble clouding her mind as a response to that. It whispered its words and she wanted to ignore them, but was forced to listen.  
  
But I know his chest, it sounded. I know every curve of his face. I know the slight slant of his lower lip and I know the taste of his mouth. I know how his hands can move me, how they crave me and lets me know it... how they rule my skin...  
  
"Stop," she interrupted herself.  
  
He had been wrong in what he had said. She had never not dared to face the darker part within her. She had been thrown into the fact of it when Faith came into spice up the boil of the former's already mixed up life. Back then she had seen the power of that darker side of herself, she had seen it in Faith's eyes the night she killed a human and never gave it a second thought... That moment had been when the Slayer had made the final decision, outruling any other, that she would never let herself come to that. Not ever.  
  
But with him inside of her... something roared. Something clawed at her. And so he had also been right, because once again she was standing face to face with a side of herself that she had written off as retracted, overcome. A side that was weak before temptation, which didn't frown upon the wrongs of what being with him dredged up, which felt no sorrow or regret and which kept falling into pure surrender in his presence.  
  
Once again she had to beat it down within herself.  
  
She was so sick of it. So tired of it. She wanted it gone already. She couldn't let it get any stronger, it had already made her give in once and if it happened one more time she was certain it would take that as encouragement to fight for its existence.  
  
I'm creating some kind of pseudo-schizophrenia in my mind for myself, she mused, shaking her head at herself. I think it's time we made this official and just dragged me off to a padded cell. Well, it might be a good solution... she added with a sigh, reaching campus grounds and starting toward her dorm.  
  
And why was she so sensitive to what he said anyways? It wasn't like she needed to put any weight to the words. He was just some shell of a vamp that had tried to kill her a few times, nothing more. So, she had screwed that shell until she almost could have sworn that she had sensed its heart beating in perfect sync with her own. And that shell had been able to...  
  
Buffy, she warned herself. Buffy. It's Spike, is what it is.  
  
As if she could ever forget that...  
  
She walked over the lawn stretching before her dormatory, her pace had slowed down and she stepped up the few steps there was as she reached the front door. Putting her hand on the chilled knob she tried to get her head back on straight.  
  
"Buffy," his voice sounded to her left and she spun around, ready to take a blow and even more prepared to deliver one.  
  
"Spike, what the hell?!" she exclaimed as he took a hesitant step forward.  
  
The shadow which the large obelisk - in which they were standing before the doors - created was barely enough for him not to be burned by the golden rays of the sun, but it seemed to be enough since he made no effort to pull back into the darker parts again.  
  
He looked at her and felt a wave of insecurity wash over him. He never felt insecure and the fact that he did made him feel even more uncertain as to what he had come to do being what he actually should be doing. She'd think him nuts for sure after this.  
  
She was growing impatient, he could see that on her posture, and so he should probably make it quick and painless. Though he didn't know where to start and so he simply eyed her in search for a way to begin.  
  
Her brow slowly furrowed.  
  
"Well, did you come to ogle me and stand there gaping or did you have some evil scheme in mind? Am I in on it this time, are you trying to put thoughts in my head now or what? Pictures? Vivid ones of my pending doom? Trying to scare me?" she asked and he blinked, getting a hold on the excuse for a wanker that he was becoming - shuddering at the mere thought - and about to answer when she added: "God, could you BE any more aggravating?!"  
  
Turning from him she put her hand on the knob of the door and was just about to clear her way inside when he spoke.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
It was a hushed murmur, but she picked up on it as though it had its very own beacon and her eyes grew slightly. Her motion was put on hold and she stood very still before she carefully turned back to face him.  
  
"What?" she asked, tone incredulous as she observed him and he let hear a very low growl, resting his eyes in hers.  
  
"I said: I am sorry," he developed his sentence and she could detect the undertone of sarcasm this time, which made her irritated again.  
  
"For what?" she wanted to know and he gave her a look.  
  
Knowing that he might as well go the whole nine yards now that he had bloody well begun to trot down the first few he humored her.  
  
"I was out of line," he replied. "And I wanted to...apologize."  
  
She smiled, seemingly very unimpressed.  
  
"What do you want?" she asked.  
  
"What I 'want'?" he asked back and she nodded.  
  
"Yes," she answered slowly. "You didn't think I'd actually believe that you came here purely for the enjoyment of hearing me grant you forgiveness for something I'm not even sure what it is, did you?" she then inquired and he sighed, rolling his eyes to the sky above and shaking his head.  
  
"What is it with you, Summers?" he wondered, turning his gaze back in hers. "No matter what anyone ever does, it's never sodding enough, is it? You just want a bigger piece and when you can't get it you try to slice it off the only way you know how: with violence. Doesn't matter to you if it's verbally or physically, as long as it gets the job done."  
  
She smiled a bitter smile at that.  
  
"Why did you come here?" she demanded and he took another step forward.  
  
"I came to say that what I said back there..." he trailed off as she looked up at him.  
  
Her eyes caught his and something swirled deep down within him that made him draw a small breath of the evening air. He felt the on the brink to maddening need to just reach out and touch her, she was so close. Not able to fight the urge he reached up his left hand and slid it over her blonde locks.  
  
Her eyes grew a little.  
  
That touch was too soft to be him... What was he doing?!  
  
His hand seemed to grab a tight hold on itself as it folded into a fist and dropped to rest at his side instead. She stared into his eyes and felt her heart beat a tad harder at the twirl of emotions she thought she could read in them: the surprise he felt himself at what he had just done, the anger that rose at the action, but also - somewhere deep down in those pools - a burning warmth of something hidden.  
  
She took a small step back.  
  
"You need to go," she said.  
  
"Buffy..."  
  
"Just go," she shook her head.  
  
"You realize you completely blew this whole oh-I-sodding-forget act you've been pulling, don't you? With what you said to me back there," he asked and she closed her eyes for a short second and then opened them to look at him.  
  
"Yes," she then replied. "Yeah, I do."  
  
"So?" he wondered and she raised her eyebrows.  
  
"So what?" she shot. "So, I remember. What does that change, Spike? Nothing. I still can't be around you, I don't want you around me, and as far as I'm concerned what happened down there... Well, it never happened."  
  
"What about the kiss?" he asked and she took another step back as he took one forward.  
  
"It was..." she tried, but he cut her off.  
  
"I kissed you," he said and she swallowed, then pressed on an indifferent expression as she nodded. "And you definitely kissed me back," he added and she drew a breath as he stopped much too close to her. "And I'm still here."  
  
"I've asked you to leave, you won't," she defended and a small smile graced his lips.  
  
"You said that this was supposed to be our very last encounter," he pointed out and she sidestepped him before walking down the steps and onto the grass shadowed by the building. "You promised," he added, coming up to stand behind her and she once more turned to face him.  
  
"Is it what you want?" she asked, reaching back and bringing out her stake. "Is that what you want?" she demanded as she stepped up to him, raising her arm and his body grew rigid tough he didn't even blink.  
  
"You know what I want," he replied.  
  
"No," she disagreed, lowering her arm and turning from him. "No, Spike. I don't know what the hell you want. You bully me, you ridicule me, you hate me, you seduce me..." she trailed off as she threw the stake in the grass before swirling around and beginning to pace before him.  
  
He watched her.  
  
"You're doing that Slayer walk again," he remarked and she glared at him. "Doesn't bode well."  
  
"Shut up," she growled. "You think you're so smart, you think you're just the cleverest little vamp around, don't you? Then WHY can't you get it through your thick skull that I don't WANT this?!"  
  
"Then what the bleeding hell DO you want?!" he suddenly burst out, taking the steps dividing them and she looked up at him as he stopped before her, his gaze ablaze with impatient fury. "You say you don't want this, that you don't want me - but everytime I look at you I can see what I do to you. Buffy, how you just kissed me... THAT isn't NOT wanting. That's being so bloody starved for it that you..."  
  
"Don't even start!" she interrupted him. "It's not like that. This, you and me, it's nothing. Understand?! I'm in love with Riley! I love him!"  
  
"Do you think I want your LOVE?!" Spike retorted with a snarl.  
  
"I don't give a damn what you want!" she yelled, suddenly remembering where she was and lowering her voice as she added. "What I have with Riley is something you could never understand! He makes me happy and more importantly - I make HIM happy. And I can't keep doing this to him..."  
  
"Doing what exactly?" Spike cut in and she bit her jaws together hard before she ignored his input and continued with:  
  
"This is over. Right now. And I mean it, I don't wanna see you again."  
  
"If that's what you need to tell yourself," he mumbled as she turned from him, walking back up to the double doors. "I know better," he added and she glanced at him before she pushed the right door open and proceeded inside.  
  
***  
  
5.23 p.m.  
  
"What was that all about?" Willow wondered curiously as Buffy carefully closed the bedroom door behind her back.  
  
The Slayer spun around at the sound of her voice, looking rather busted and Willow - seated on her bed - grew quizzical at the defensive posture the former was adopting. Then Buffy relaxed and shook her head.  
  
"Never mind," she muttered, pulling her jacket off and walking up to her own bed to sit as well.  
  
"I saw Spike," the Wicca said and Buffy threw herself backwards with a sigh.  
  
"Mh-hmh," she murmured.  
  
"And I saw you arguing with Spike," Willow continued.  
  
"Yes," Buffy breathed tiredly.  
  
"And I saw you taking a stake and almost poofing Spike," Willow finished her recap and Buffy grumbled.  
  
"Almost," she then agreed silently.  
  
"Buffy, is something going on that...?"  
  
"I can't talk about this right now," Buffy cut her off, getting to her feet again and walking back up to the door. "I'm sorry, Wills. I just... I have to see Riley," she added, opening the door and stepping through it.  
  
As she disappeared Willow sighed.  
  
"Of course you do," she grumbled.  
  
***  
  
Day Twelve.  
  
8.30 a.m.  
  
"So, you really went through with it?"  
  
Buffy looked up as she heard his voice, questioning, and the vamp took a step forward - the shadows slipping off him as though the ground was the floor of a stage, and the former were the curtain revealing its contents. His eyes glittered, blue and deep - the actor was stripped off him, he stood before her without any mask on, center stage before his one-woman audience. She stared at him in astonishment.  
  
"Went through with what?" she finally asked and he smiled a small smile.  
  
"I just wanna know, Buffy... Was it his touch you felt? Or was it mine?"  
  
Her eyes grew.  
  
She looked down at herself and realized that she was naked, that she was seated on a bed. Spike slowly approached her, slipping his duster off his shoulders as he went and then he stopped before her. His torso was bare and the moonlight sculpted his chest lovingly with its rays.  
  
"I'm in love..." she tried, wanted those words to make the situation sensible to him, make him understand once and for all.  
  
But her enemy's eyes, those hated orbs with their chilling gaze, softened beyond recognition at her words before he reached out his left hand and gently let it slide over her blonde locks.  
  
"So am I," he whispered.  
  
The dream slipped away the next instant and before she knew it she was slowly opening her eyes. She frowned, finding herself feeling misplaced and unable to conclude where the heck she was. Then it came to her: she was in a bed. The same bed that had been in her dream and...  
  
Turning around with her heart in her throat she rested her gaze in Riley's.  
  
"Hey," he said gently and she stared at him, at first not sure who he was, and then the pieces quickly created the puzzle of what had happened the night prior. "What's the matter?" he then asked, a small smile spreading over his lips as he added: "Weren't expecting to see ME?"  
  
She smiled back, tentatively. Trying to battle back the lump in her chest as the dream seemed set on playing itself over and over in her head.  
  
'I'm in love...'  
  
'So am I...'  
  
"I never know what to expect," she mumbled, still smiling a little, keeping the rumble of confusion within her off her face.  
  
She looked at Riley, and ultimately succeeded in her quest. Pausing the dream she pushed the visual of it as far down as she possibly could get it. It didn't matter. It was her subconscious playing some warped prank on her. It was only a dream, for crying out loud. Nothing to get herself worked up over. No, nothing at all. Growing slightly serious she bent forward to give her lover a kiss.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Oh, thank you SO much for your thoughts on that chapter and I'm so, so pleased to read that you enjoyed it! I have to go to work in fifteen minutes, but I wanted to get this up before that so I hope you liked this as well! I dunno if most of you get where in the line of episodes we are - but this has a small bit in it from "The I in TEAM." (All rights to David Fury, Joss Whedon and Co., of course.)  
  
Special thanks to LizDarcy, Johanna, Alyssa, charisma1525, Renee', Haley, LILI, learyl, Heather, Pine and daphoid - thank you SOSOSO much for your everlasting encouragement! I'm so sorry this is so hasty but I have to get going! I'll be back though, to rectify my hurry, k?  
  
Oh, and Heather - I'm really not at all sure how many more chapters there will be to this... It completely depends on how the story develops. I wanna write it for as long as you wanna read it, but then there is the fact of knowing when to stop and so I guess that comes down to me. ;) Okay, so the answer is it will keep going indefinitely, for now. :)  
  
Thanks again! Your positivity keeps me going on this!  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	17. A Place Where He Belongs Part One

**********************************TRApPeD***********************************  
  
Seventeen: A Place Where He Belongs - Part One  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-04-09  
  
****************************************************************************  
  
Day Twelve.  
  
10.04 a.m.  
  
He couldn't sleep.  
  
Since the first rays of sun slipped through the cracked windowpanes of the crypt he had been lying on the top of the sarcophagus with the old blanket over his head, relaxing his mind as well as his being as much as he possibly could and just as the small sense of sleep crept over him, splaying its fingers across his temples and making the drowsiness a fact - there was her face.  
  
Bam.  
  
Wide awake. Yet again.  
  
Now he growled and threw the blanket aside.  
  
Something was wrong. With him, with this...sleeplessness, with her infecting him like a virus. Contaminating his cells, his blood, his brain, his eyes until the only thing he could see was her face. He had struggled with her for days now and she wouldn't leave him be. Why?! Sodding, stubborn BITCH that she was - telling him that she never wanted to see him again, why couldn't she grant him the favor of keeping herself out of his bloody head?!  
  
And what was this game she was playing? She had said she wasn't one to play games and what was she doing now -with him - if not playing? Like a cat with a mouse she tossed him in the air with her claws and caught him between her teeth without a second thought to his crackling neck bones or breaking spine.  
  
Was he actually painting himself out as the victim in this scenario?  
  
Getting to his feet with a graceful jump he began to pace.  
  
What was she doing to him? Twisting his mind around like this, making him think and feel things that... No, it had to end now. All of it. All that was her had to just go away. She didn't wanna see him, eh? Well, that suited him more than absolutely sodding perfect 'cause he sure as hell never wanted to see her ugly face again! He never wanted to kiss her deformed mouth - yu-bloody-k! - again! He never wanted to feel her body grow hotter beneath his hands as the adrenaline of the state he put her in pumped through her - uh, horrid thought! And he NEVER wanted to have HER touch HIM in any way, shape or form EVER!  
  
Running his hands through his short strands he nodded to himself, drawing a breath.  
  
She'd come to him. He knew she would. But he'd have none of it. No more of this leniency. He was still bad to the core, after all; and she was still his Charlie number one, so what should he do - let her close? Preposterous! Or more like: hell, no! Whoever said "Keep your friends close, your enemies closer" obviously had no bloody idea what that statement actually meant. What it involved in action and speech. No, he wouldn't keep her on arms length even. He'd keep her on barely-visible-in-the-horizon length.  
  
No. That was too close.  
  
He'd keep her where he couldn't see her. Deep down somewhere... where she wouldn't disturb him anymore. Where she couldn't reach him...  
  
He closed his eyes.  
  
The sense of growing loss had him numb with anger towards her. Who the hell did she think she was? Doing this to him, to HIM! She was a girl. A child. A human. She'd seen his world, but he had seen infinitely more of hers than she ever would - and he knew that. He was her superior in a thousand bloody aspects and yet she captured him and held him like no other before her.  
  
Her scent. The way she moved. How her voice sounded as she spoke, or yelled, or screamed, or nagged, or bickered... it didn't matter, that sound was her own and it was in the back of every word she uttered. He couldn't get enough of it. Her smile... And those eyes showing how old her soul was. He could label her a girl to try to push some sense into his short- circuited thoughts - but he knew that in her rested knowledge she herself wasn't even aware of. A woman ready to bloom. She had shouldered a heavier burden than any other of her sex on the earth, and she was growing up fast. Perhaps even too fast...  
  
He had a feeling that before her journey was over she would have to endure worse things than she could imagine, and she would have to face them by herself. What he had said during their caged state had been what he knew was the truth: in the end she would always fight on her own, for the lives of her friends and family - and they wouldn't be able to help her.  
  
And once again he was drifting into musings about HER. About HER life. About HER future.  
  
Shaking his head at himself he grumbled, brushing his hands over his face and trying to wake himself out of this dream he seemed to be having where a part of him actually told him that the reason for these thoughts were... No.  
  
He smiled now.  
  
No.  
  
No, not ever would he even think it. Blasphemous thought, cursed feeling... No.  
  
He would get this thing out of his head, and then he would leave this damned place for good. He didn't need her money, and he didn't need her threats. He wanted nothing more than to go as far away as he could get and never look back.  
  
Not once would he look back.  
  
He'd find that place where he belonged and when he did he'd never let it go, he knew it. He'd been searching for so long...  
  
The sound of soft treading outside made him narrow his eyes.  
  
When the doors of his crypt was knocked in he was already gone. The military-clad commandos entered the room with their instruments tracking the H.S.T. in firm grips as they scanned their surroundings, exchanging looks to signal that all was clear and then one of them nodded to a trap door in the floor. The others seemed to follow what he was telling them by the small movement, and they all silently moved up to it. It took the combined strength of two of them to get it open and they looked down into blackness.  
  
The bleeping dot on the screen of the tracking device was fading and they swiftly got themselves moving, down into the unfamiliarity of the dark and further into the sewers of Sunnydale.  
  
***  
  
3.16 p.m.  
  
He had just swallowed the last of his well deserved lunch - after shaking those bloody G.I. Janes for two bloody hours and then undergoing rather painful surgery by the unskilled hand of the bloody poof he thought it was very well deserved - when he heard the front door being opened, followed by the loud bang as it hit the wall. Turning his head in the vicinity of the inner door, leading into his beloved home, he wasn't surprised as it too was opened so harshly it almost lost its connection with its hinges.  
  
"You sure do know how to make a dramatic entrance," he scoffed, putting the emptied jar down on top of the small fridge and turning fully to face her.  
  
"I'm not here to play war-of-the-tongues with you," she stated coolly and he put on a coy expression which had her exterior waver for a short second before she regained ground and glared at him.  
  
He had known that she would come. He had felt it that very morning, he had felt it before he saw her at the Watcher's place, and he had been even more sure when he left that apartment. She had seemed a bit thrown when the soldier boy was upset that she was "keeping information about the H.S.T's whereabouts" from him. Hah! Trouble in paradise.  
  
Stop that, he instructed himself. You don't care, remember?  
  
Seeing her now wasn't good, he concluded. Seeing her made him... No, he'd better not even go there. SHE was the one who should go. Leave. The way she had come. There was nothing more to say between them.  
  
"Then I'm not interested," he now replied to her former statement. "Go away," he added, turning from her and walking up to the telly standing to her right.  
  
She followed him with her gaze as he bent down to flip it on, frowning.  
  
"I want to know exactly WHAT you thought you were doing at Giles'," she demanded and he shook his head at himself for believing that she would actually just leave him alone, straightening his posture again and letting the screen remain black as he turned back to her.  
  
"I wasn't 'doing' anything," he answered her. "I was having things being done to me. Bloody uncomfortable things too, I'll tell you."  
  
"I know why you were there!" she exclaimed and he rolled his eyes.  
  
The anger was taking over and she stepped inside the room to walk up to him.  
  
"Then why do you come here sodding asking me 'bout it?!" he demanded, raising his voice as well, as she stopped before him.  
  
"I know WHY you were there, but I don't know what the hell you were thinking going there! Are you completely brain dead?! Did you think I'd just relax after you weaseled your way in there like that?!" she barked and his eyebrows rose high in indignation.  
  
"Oh, that's rich! I walked out last night HOPING that I'd get shot - in the BACK, by the way - by some good-for-nothing frickin' STATE EMPLOYEES, just so that I'd be able to get myself CLOSE to YOU?!" he asked and she crossed her arms over her chest.  
  
"I didn't say that," she replied and he shook his head at her.  
  
"What then?" he wondered, calming down slightly as he looked at her.  
  
"Okay, so maybe that's what I said," she admitted and he threw his arms out in a frustrated gesture, turning from her and beginning to pace before her. "Oh," she nodded. "You're doing my thing right now," she added and he glared at her with as much detest that he could muster. "Hmh," she merely muttered, "doesn't bode well."  
  
"Summers, I swear on my mother's grave, you are the most sodding agitating creature on this whole planet!" he exclaimed and her eyes widened slightly as she suppressed a smile.  
  
Remembering why she was there she found the retracting annoyance, firing it back up as she narrowed her eyes.  
  
"I came here to say ONE thing and ONE thing only," she now said with her voice hard. "If you EVER try to come between me and Riley again I'll..."  
  
His eyes grew huge at that before he interrupted her with:  
  
"What do you MEAN 'again'?!"  
  
"You were the one who came with all those stupid accusations about him being in on whatever professor Walsh has been conducting!" she yelled back and he stared at her.  
  
"You are unbelievable!" he exclaimed. "Now you go blame me for making a perfectly good judgment of the buggering situation?! How the hell do you know he's NOT in on it?!"  
  
"Riley's not like that," she defended and Spike cocked an eyebrow. "He's good, unlike YOU!"  
  
"Oh, right, I'm the color of hate and deceit, isn't that right?" he shot. "There's nothing clean in me, am I right?"  
  
"That's right!" she retorted.  
  
"And you don't think capturing creatures and using them for bloody experiments, putting them in cages like they're animals without any sodding capability to think for themselves... You think that's all clean, wholesome goodness?!" he shouted and she looked at him in clear disbelief.  
  
"I am SO not having this conversation with you that I'm already out the DOOR!" she then shouted back and he tilted his head to one side before replying:  
  
"So leave!"  
  
She blinked, raising her eyebrows and huffing.  
  
"Now you expect me to just leave?"  
  
"You said you're not even here anymore already!" he retorted and she looked around her before shaking her head a little.  
  
"You never give up that easily... What's the catch?"  
  
He squinted at her.  
  
"Catch?" he asked and she nodded.  
  
"Ulterior motive," she elaborated and he began to grow frustrated again.  
  
"You said you weren't here anymore and so I thought you might wanna actually leave to follow up on the sodding statement!" he answered and she cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"Yeah," she mumbled. "I think I'm gonna stay."  
  
"Stay?" he asked, incredulously, and she nodded once more.  
  
"Yeah. Hang," she replied and his eyebrows shot up.  
  
"From your neck in a noose?" he then inquired with a hopeful yet sarcastic expression seeping into his features and she gave him a look.  
  
"Oh, you kill me," she muttered and he smirked.  
  
"I try," he quipped and she glared at him before narrowing her eyes, seemingly trying to remember something before she gave him the responsibility as she asked:  
  
"What were we yelling about?"  
  
"The sodding git!" he replied, voice growing loud again.  
  
"Right," she nodded. "If you think that you have any right what so ever to put any amount of effort at ALL into breaking us up..."  
  
"I won't," he interrupted her and she looked at him, clearly skeptical to that.  
  
"Huh?" she then asked and he nodded.  
  
"I'm thoroughly happy for you," he assured and she blinked, narrowing her eyes again.  
  
"Happy? For us?" she wondered and he smiled.  
  
"What - you don't think I can 'feel' joy?" he wanted to know and she shook her head.  
  
"I just didn't think you could 'feel joy' when it came to ME," she replied and his smile broadened.  
  
"Shows just how little you know me, doesn't it?" he wondered and she clenched her jaws together at the playful look in his blue eyes.  
  
Something she recognized swirled in the pit of her stomach and she brushed at it as she didn't want anything to do with it. It was too frightening. To strange. Too unfamiliar in its familiarity.  
  
"Ah, but I don't wanna know you," she heard herself retort and she was brought back to span her full attention over the scene taking place - with him.  
  
"You know, there could be parts to me you might like," he remarked and she looked at him with an expression that was so meaningful that his smile turned into a smirk. "Oh, sorry," he murmured. "Guess you've already befriended those parts, eh?"  
  
She rolled her eyes at him - and at herself. She needed to do what she had come to do, or rather SAY what she had come to SAY, and then leave. Immediately.  
  
"Pig," she grumbled and he laughed.  
  
"You're so cute when you're mad," he teased and she glared at him with as much steel that she could muster into her gaze. "Especially when you're mad at me," he continued fearlessly. "'Cause then your eyes kinda glaze over with this irresistible need for destruction... It's quite enchanting."  
  
She raised her eyebrows at that.  
  
"You've just used 'cute' and 'enchanting' in a speech you were preaching concerning me... THAT was scary."  
  
He smiled again and she swallowed, staring at him and feeling the pictures from the dream she had had tugging at being let out from their prison. She refused to hear their calls, merely double checked that their confinement was as tightly locked as ever.  
  
"Oh, what do you think of me?" he now asked, turning from her and walking up to the sarcophagus, leaning against it as he turned back to face her. "That I don't have an artistic vein in my body?" he added and she smirked, following in his footsteps.  
  
"Spike, I KNOW you don't have an artistic vein in your entire body," she answered him, stopping a few feet away from him and crossing her arms over her chest again. "Unless you consider murdering and maiming something that has to do with art," she added and he put a hand by his heart as though she had just wounded him.  
  
"You make me shudder, Slayer," he murmured and she took a slow step back as she rested her eyes in his. "Well... Let's see," he then added, pushing away from the stone behind him and then saying: "I do not like you on a boat... I do not like you with a goat... I do not like you in a car, I do not like you near or far... I do not like you here or there, I do not like you anywhere."  
  
She simply shook her head.  
  
"Poetry! Be still my heart," she said sarcastically and he tilted his head slightly to one side as his eyes grew much too observing for her taste. She smiled humorlessly to cover up the shiver of something she would NOT label as pleasure ran down her spine before she added: "And the irony, of course, is that in the end that old grouch actually likes green eggs and ham."  
  
"But I can't eat you, love," he pointed out with a small smile to return hers. "So there goes that likeness. But - if it's poetry you want - how's this? I'll hate you 'til the day you die; I'll hate you, hate you endlessly; the sight of you does scorch mine eye...and you appear so carelessly. So go away, you stupid bint. I don't want you this sodding near," he moved the few paces dividing them, she kept from drawing a small breath as she tilted her head back, and he finished: "Can't you take the bloody hint? I do not like you ANYWHERE!"  
  
She fought the urge to slip her hands up his arms and into those bleached locks of his. Fought the urge to stand on her toes and press herself against him. Fought the need to feel his lips glide over her ignited skin, lighting fires as they went.  
  
Oh, God! Why did he do this to her?! How could she be like this?! She couldn't!  
  
"That wasn't poetry," she said, taking a step back and getting herself away from him. "That was awful," she added, looking into his eyes defiantly and he smiled once more.  
  
"Did you think I conducted it outta the un-beat of my heart solely for your listening pleasure?" he wondered and she huffed.  
  
"It was terrible and above that - completely unfair!" she replied and he stared at her.  
  
"Unfair?!" he then exclaimed and she nodded.  
  
"Yes! I'M not the one 'hanging' around - pun very much intended - playing with chipped nail polish and smoking like a broken chimney!" she yelled back and his eyes grew again.  
  
"No - 'cause the day YOU'RE the one doing that I'LL change my wardrobe!"  
  
"Into WHAT?!" she shouted.  
  
"Hawiian Sunday - tribute to the sodding whelp," he replied and she glared at him.  
  
"Hah! I'll believe THAT when I see it!" she stated and he tilted his head to one side as he asked:  
  
"Will you ever paint your nails black and play with the chips when it starts to come off?"  
  
"I doubt it," she muttered.  
  
"And will you EVER smoke like a broken chimney?" he now inquired and she met his gaze.  
  
"Not while I live and breathe," she replied and he gave her a meaningful look.  
  
"Then I guess you'll never believe it," he stated and she opened her mouth to say something, pausing in the middle of the motion and then she sighed.  
  
"Point taken," she grumbled.  
  
"It WAS an exceptional one," he commended himself and she gave him a look.  
  
"I do so enjoy our little chats," she said and he smirked at the drip of everlasting sarcasm in those words. "I find them...illuminating."  
  
"Are you working at having me laugh?" he shot. "Or was that comment about to be followed by 'And by the way, I desperately, like-a-bug-about-to-be- crushed, in the crawling way am here to seek your advice and hopefully - pleasepleaseplease - your help in a pressing, earth-shattering, apocalyptic matter'?"  
  
"Hah-hah," she grumbled and his smirk widened, then it died as he said:  
  
"Yeah, I thought you might find that funny - I sure as hell do. You want me out of your life, right?" She nodded, looking insecure as to where he was going and he decided that he would let her know. "And still you storm in here saying - yelling - that I'd better not show my face around you anymore or you seeing it just might break up the bond of love that you and Captain sodding Cardboard are tying!"  
  
"That's NOT what I said!" she exclaimed, unfolding her arms and taking a step forward in sudden fury.  
  
"What DID you say then?" he asked.  
  
"That...I don't want you to TRY," she answered and his eyebrows rose.  
  
"So I could break it - if I TRIED?" he asked and she shook her head, then suddenly eyed him before asking:  
  
"Why? Would you want to?"  
  
He cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"Would you want me to want to?" he asked back.  
  
"Would you want me to want you to want to?" she retorted and he smirked.  
  
"Would you want me to want you to want me to want to?" he wondered and she rolled her eyes at him. "You giving up already, love?" he asked now. "I could do this all day."  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Oh, the reviews are coming in steadily and that just makes me so happy 'cause it means I'm keeping your attention! So great to hear from you guys and thank you for always letting me read some of your thoughts! I'm so glad you're keeping on liking what I'm doing with this! Hope you did this chapter as well!  
  
Special thanks to LizDarcy (so happy you approve!) ;), Anne (very glad you like it!) :), Renee' (uh-huh, yup, and thank you!) ;), Johanna (*lol* is all I can say *l-o-l* You cracked me up with that one and also - I humbly bow my head.), charisma1525 (at first I went uh-oh! And then I went phew. Glad you're still enjoying!) :), Juliya (Oh, well, weird or no I thank thee. *smile* Well... apart from that I hope you like.) :), Pine (hehe, yeah, I bet you hope that. *grin* Me too though. Riley - ew! Me not really like I in Team either *shudders*. The dream? I'll get to it. *wink*) ;), joni (great that you enjoy and well, "as it is" gosh, I'll try! Don't jinx me! hehe. Thanks for the compliments, they warm!) :), Heather (So good that you liked and I'm glad you're happy that it will go on for a while... *wide smile*) ;), Captain (I. Love. It. That. You. Love. It! So wonderful to read! Yeah, *sigh*, Riley. And thanks for that!) :), oleanderrose (well...color me red with flattery. Thanks so much for those words and I'm SO glad that you're enjoying this! Hope it'll continue!) :) - all of you THANK YOU for taking the time out to write me what you think! Luv ya, you know that!  
  
Well. Second part to this is coming... 'cause you do want it, right? Just teasing. ;) Thanks again for great, great feedback.  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	18. A Place Where He Belongs Part Two

************************************TRApPeD********************************* ****  
  
Eighteen: A Place Where He Belongs - Part Two  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-04-11  
  
**************************************************************************** *****  
  
3.40 p.m.  
  
"I don't have time for you," she stated and he cocked an eyebrow as she made a move as though she was about to leave.  
  
She paused herself at the sight of that small gesture, putting on a quizzical expression.  
  
"YOU don't have time for ME?" he asked and she raised both eyebrows before she nodded. "Lest you've bloody forgotten, PRECIOUS, YOU were the one who invaded MY space not even half an hour earlier screaming at me about something I didn't even DO!"  
  
"You didn't say those things to try and make me not trust my boyfriend?" she asked back and he tilted his head to one side as his gaze grew searching.  
  
Then he shrugged.  
  
"I said those things 'cause I thought they would apply, Slayer. As pointed out: I'm just so happy for the two of you I can't bloody see straight. WHY would I ever wanna come between you?" he replied and she stared at him.  
  
"Every time you say that word you send shivers of real, tangible discomfort down my spine," she said and he blinked.  
  
"What? 'Between'?" he wondered and she glared at him.  
  
"No, 'happy'," she then spat and he smirked.  
  
"What now? You don't believe me?" he asked and she shook her head at that question, it was too ridiculous.  
  
"All I'm saying is that I don't want you to come near me OR anyone I know, understand?"  
  
"No, YOU need to sodding understand something here," he shot, taking a step forward and she grew slightly rigid, but held her ground. "I don't take orders from anybody and especially not from YOU; I believe we've already had that part of this discussion. Here, however, is a new one: I don't wanna see you either, despite whatever idea you might've gotten into that pretty little head of yours. So keep yourself the hell away from me and I'm sure we'll do fine on the not-meeting-and-greeting-the-head-off-each other bit."  
  
She huffed.  
  
"Sound like a VERY good plan," she muttered, turning and walking across the room toward the door.  
  
He followed and she tried to shake the growing tingles, but the effort was for nothing and she drew a small breath as she reached her escape.  
  
"So tell me," he stopped her just as she put her hand on the knob. She didn't want to look at him, but was too compelled to be able to stop herself and she turned her head to meet his gaze. "Have your heart or your will chosen him?"  
  
She glared at the vampire before her, seethed over his consistent poking into her private life.  
  
"I can't see how that's any of your business," she replied icily and he held her eyes with his as though it would enable him to read the true answer there. Rolling them at him she added: "I'm leaving."  
  
As she opened the door he said:  
  
"You want me, but you're too stubborn to admit it. Going to him only makes it worse, doesn't it? 'Cause being with him isn't like being with me and so you have to remember the loss of..."  
  
"Shut up," she interrupted, voice lowered as she turned back to him. "If you don't stop it, I'll MAKE you stop and I can ASSURE you, it won't be at all pleasant."  
  
He took a step back as she took one forward, though she could see on him just how little he was backing away out of self-preservation - he was toying with her again. That stupid, bleached, moronic, gleeful THING actually thought he had a hold on her!  
  
"Or is it that darkness again, love? The one you can't handle?" he now inquired, lowering his voice as well and the low purr in the back of his throat made her shiver for all the wrong reasons as she kept glaring at him with her chest filling up with hate and lust.  
  
I have to get out of here, she grumbled hazily in her head. I've been here before... I can't do this again.  
  
"Is that why you don't come to me?" he wondered and she felt her heart beat increase at the silent calling in that sentence. "You think he can ever take you where I can take you? You think he'll EVER be enough?"  
  
She bit her jaws together and forced herself out of growing blindness and into the place in which she found herself: standing before him, and practically handing him all the aces. She was not going to just lay down on her back for him like this. He was wrong, and it was time to kill off that attitude of his once and for all.  
  
"Riley and I have something you'll never have," she replied and Spike eyed her with interest, waiting for her to continue. "Love," she added and the vampire's eyes grew a shade darker as anger seeped into his posture. "That's why I'll always pity you, Spike," she continued, quietly enjoying the way she was affecting him. "And that's why I can brush you off like the thorn in my side that you are," she finished, keeping eye contact for a second longer and then turning from him for the third time.  
  
"You really are lost," he mumbled and she swirled back to face him.  
  
"What?" she asked, tone sharp, and he was serious as he once again met her gaze.  
  
"You think you know what you want, who you are, where you're bloody headed," he replied, taking a step forward and standing merely a few feet from her as he finished: "But I can see the turmoil in your eyes. You're not sure about anything, are you? How come I could sense that moment where you actually believed what I said about Riley? Every last part of you thought - for that one second - 'Of course'. And you're so bloody scared right now that you'll cling to whatever harbor is safest - and that'd be him. You are lost, Slayer."  
  
Her eyes flashed with fury as she took a step closer to him.  
  
"I'M lost?" she asked and then she put up her hands and pushed him backwards. "Look at YOU, you idiot!" she exclaimed. "You leave, you return, you leave, you return. You want Drusilla, the so-called queen of your misplaced heart and then you turn around and suddenly you want ME - the one person you KNOW can beat you down. Is that it, Spike? Is that the challenge? My strength matching yours in every single way, and don't look at me like that - you can't deny it. God, if anyone's lost here it's YOU! Poor Spikey, can't be human, can't be a vampire. Where the HELL do you fit in?"  
  
The air vibrated with her words and then he moved before she could even react, grabbing her and lifting her. She drew a breath in surprise and then her back connected with the wall next to the door. Her hands were on his shoulders, his hands were at her sides as he pressed her up against the wall. Letting her slide down slightly he pushed his hips against hers and her eyes grew, turning them into his as he replied:  
  
"Right here."  
  
Her breathing was barely noticeable as she stared down at him. Their bodies tight against each other and their faces so close that he could feel the heat from her skin gently seep through the air to stroke itself against his coolness. He was aching, he knew she was too.  
  
And then she moved her head forward, her lips meeting his and he closed his eyes at the same time she did, meeting her tongue with an eagerness that was violent in its hunger. It didn't matter, hers was the same and the kiss grew deeper as her hands slid into his hair.  
  
Her legs were wrapped around his waist and the two forms, fitted into the other, were both grinding un-bashfully against each other as he leaned them against the wall.  
  
He moved his mouth from hers to kiss his way down the side of her throat and her breathing was becoming harder the further down he went. He licked along her collarbone, creating a moan that rose out of her throat and he was inspired to move his hands from her waist and up under her sweater. Reaching her breasts he slipped his thumbs over her hardened nipples and with a small gasp she bent forward to catch his lips with hers again.  
  
"I can smell him all over you," he murmured, mouth still to hers and she shook her head for him to not speak, deepening the kiss again. "It's driving me crazy," he grumbled, taking his lips from hers again and nibbling along her neckline.  
  
Her hands moved and made him slide his own down her stomach to then stretch them up so that she could tug the T over his head. She silenced him with her expression as he moved back slightly and met her gaze. She looked pleading and about to break in two. He could scent her arousal and he could see her desire.  
  
Moving forward he let his mouth crash onto hers and once more join them as he deepend the kiss roughly.  
  
Her hands were greedily sliding over his chest and back, into his hair and down again; seemingly not sure where to place themselves, wanting to be everywhere at once.  
  
This, you fool, a voice whispered in the back of his heart. This is where you belong.  
  
He opened his eyes just as she moved her head down to place kisses along the side of his neck and over his shoulder.  
  
No.  
  
No, that couldn't be right. He couldn't...  
  
Reaching out his right arm he grabbed the knob of the door and opened it, taking a step to the side so that he stood before it and then he pried her legs open with his hands. As her feet touched the floor she moved her head back, questioningly. He got her arms unwrapped as well and then had her take a step back and out through the door.  
  
She was staring at him.  
  
He was staring back.  
  
And then he slammed the door shut in her face.  
  
She gaped. Blinked. Tried to move, but couldn't. Tried to have words form on her tongue, they wouldn't. And then it washed over her. Realization. He had just done that with every ill intent in the book. He had just made her buckle again and by doing so proven that he was right, that she was wrong. He had let her have a taste and then yanked the bottle away from her, well, she wasn't one to stand thirsty and dumbfounded! If he thought that this was going to work, he was VERY mistaken.  
  
What it had proven to her was that he was conceited, bad-mannered and...and...  
  
Turning from the door she walked out through the front one and continued with swift steps on her way back to the college. She was so angry with him she wasn't sure if she'd be able to look at him EVER again. But most of all she was mad at herself. Furious with her lack of ever learning from previous experiences. Vampire - BAD. Vampire - BAD! Vampire - B-A-D! WHAT was so frickin' hard about that? Spike...double-bad. Triple-bad. Extremely, horribly, definitely bad. Killer. Had tried to do away with her a few more times than two and he still wanted her dead. All he wanted to do was have fun with her... throw dust in her eyes so she couldn't see and stretch out her head so she couldn't reason with herself. All he wanted to do was play with her in some mental game that made him feel important. At least in Spikerealm.  
  
She was nothing to him, and he was absolutely nothing to her.  
  
Over. Done. Finished. Never, ever, ever, ever again. She wouldn't even think of him. She wouldn't speak his name. In fact, from this moment he didn't exist.  
  
She felt so...dirty. She felt so...  
  
Storming up the stairs to the floor of her dorm room she threw the door open and walked inside. Closing it behind her harshly she turned around and met the questioning and rather surprised gaze of Riley.  
  
"I thought..." she began, trailing off, and he nodded.  
  
"I was... I came here 'cause I just didn't like the way we left things. I shouldn't 've stormed out like that, Buffy," he replied silently and she looked at him for a moment.  
  
Moving up to him she wrapped her arms around his neck tightly and their lips met. She deepened the kiss immediately and Riley's eyes opened in wonderment. Pulling away slightly from her he looked down at her, still quizzical.  
  
"Let's just make up," she murmured, kissing him again - this time even more roughly as her hands slid down over his chest before grabbing the hem of his sweat shirt and pulling it over his head.  
  
The unsatisfied throb was picking up its original power within her and she needed it stilled. Once and for all she needed it quieted down. It shouldn't be there - not in connection to that loathed creature.  
  
But you're kissing Riley, she told herself. This is Riley.  
  
Of course it was.  
  
His hands slid over her skin as he removed her sweater and she almost felt herself grow impatient at the soft caresses. And suddenly the warmth of those fingers turned cool, turned just a tad tougher, just slightly more demanding. She felt the temperature of her blood pump itself up and she relished in it.  
  
No.  
  
Riley.  
  
Nodding a little to herself she once more found his mouth with her own.  
  
Riley.  
  
They were both naked by now, clothes peeled off and lying at their feet. Buffy's eyes were still closed, Riley's were open as he watched the play of emotions on her face. The anticipation. The obvious craving. She hadn't been like this before...  
  
Still kissing, he moved her over to her bed and they sunk down onto it. Her thighs parting to fit him in between them and he moved his lips from hers, kissing the place between her breasts lovingly as he entered her.  
  
Buffy felt her muscles spasm at the feeling. Felt her body take in the new sensation. He was moving within her and still she had trouble relaxing into it, enjoying the feel of him, reaching that high she so desperately needed.  
  
And then there was the coolness again... That other skin, that other being. Filling her mind, as someone else filled her, and having her juices practically flow over as her mouth watered for the taste of him. Oh, she kissed him. She let him know what she wanted from him, what surged through her like a riptide - tearing through her veins and loins, legs and brain. Him. And his hands graced her, his touch, his lips on her skin...  
  
She moaned.  
  
Her fingers sliding into his hair, feeling the softness of those bleached locks between them and then helping herself to fistfuls of them.  
  
Yes, she was getting closer now... She was quivering beneath him. Exposed. Frail. And he was the same way before her. Naked. Bare. No more masks, no more games, no more lies. Just this moment, them as one...  
  
"Buffy," he murmured.  
  
She reached up and grabbed at the bedspread, tilting her head back.  
  
Closer now...  
  
"Spike," she gasped, feeling the pleasure rise and then slowly die without ever filling her as the motion of her lover came to a stop.  
  
She slowly opened her eyes, at first disoriented and disappointed - wondering what had prompted this abruption. And then the fact came to her like a soft summer's breeze, gentle with its cruel truth and she moved her head to meet the narrowed eyes of Riley.  
  
"What...did you say?" he asked, pulling out of her as he moved away from her and her eyes grew as she slowly sat herself up, reaching out her hands to both sides and grabbing the bedspread to wrap it around herself as he took a step away from the bed.  
  
The shocked questions in his gaze, the mournful accusations... It was awful to see and she swallowed.  
  
She hadn't. She couldn't have.  
  
There was no possible way that she had just thought about that hateful fiend while making love to this incredible man before her. No.  
  
But she knew that she just had.  
  
"Riley," she practically whispered and his eyes grew hard as he reached down and snatched his pants up from the floor.  
  
Pulling them on he buttoned them and then faced her again.  
  
"Spike?" he asked, voice cold and she swallowed again.  
  
"I didn't..." she began. "I wasn't... He's just been on my mind 'cause..."  
  
"Buffy," Riley interrupted with a shake of the head. "Spare me. I've made love to you before. You weren't like... that," he added and she averted her gaze. "Have you been sleeping with him?" he asked and she turned her head back to him with a small shake of it as an answer. "Have you wanted to?"  
  
She bit her jaws together and the look on her face seemed to indicate something since he quickly added:  
  
"I really don't wanna know."  
  
"Riley," she tried again but he bent down and got his other clothes off the floor, bundling them up in his arms as he looked at her once more.  
  
"I don't think I wanna be around you for a while," he murmured and she stared at him, then followed his movements with her gaze as he quietly exited the room.  
  
She threw herself backwards onto the bed and then rolled over onto her stomach and screamed into the mattress for all that she was worth.  
  
***  
  
4.19 p.m.  
  
Spike moved cautiously back and forth over the floor of the crypt. His pacing was soundless, though his thoughts screamed in his head - making it impossible for him to determine which one was important, which one was not. It was getting on his nerves, though somewhere something told him he needed to keep his calm. Calm?! He had none left.  
  
Nothing could have prepared him for this. He wished something had. Now it was too much, and he was doomed. The shock he felt was overpowered only by the confusion as to how exactly it had come to this. When?  
  
'When I look at you... all I see is...'  
  
He stopped that thought fiercely and with a growl he chopped it into little pieces which weren't very hard to dispose of. He tossed them around the room and watched them crawl in fear into the deepening shadows of the corners.  
  
It was impossible.  
  
There was no way that he, for that long, had been moving back to this place, to her. That he somewhere - in the unexplored territories of his mind - had been striving for that moment, when she let him close enough to actually touch her, for years. That he had been grasping for it from that first moment...  
  
He had known that night in the basement just how much she had nestled herself into the part of the core of him that was red from desire, and she had been there from the very first moment that he saw her. That night he had known it for certain and it had made the experience that much sweeter - to finally take what he had craved for so long.  
  
But now...  
  
He could leave. He could just pack up and leave straight away. No looking back, just like he had said. The thing screwing him up would sooner or later be just another solved enigma - he was confident of that. Perhaps it would take him slightly longer to, but soon enough he would hold the answer and once more he'd be set free. He didn't need to stay in this damned town a second longer.  
  
Unless...  
  
He bit his jaws together.  
  
Unless he wanted to. Unless the thought of leaving made him feel weak and unimportant and as though nothing mattered. Unless the knowledge of - if he were to leave - he would never see her again. Not ever. She'd probably end up marrying the sodding soldier boy and...  
  
He closed his eyes at the wave of sickness rising bitterly in the back of his throat at the mere insinuation.  
  
"Bloody hell, Slayer," he murmured, opening his eyes and resting them on the still closed door - knowing that she had left in anger and feeling how that emotion battled with the rest of his own beneath his chest. "What have you done to me?" he asked the quiet; the question drifting into space - which had no answer to send back.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
I'm glad of your continuing approval - of course! Naturally! ;) I'm just so glad that you're liking this!  
  
To In the Dead of the Night readers - sorry it's running late, but I'm juggling the best I can! Just so you know it's definitely coming! ;)  
  
Very special and warm thanks to Heather, Haley (on both chaps!), Pine, Charisma1525, Renee', LizDarcy (*grin* thanks for taking time out to do that update, girl!) ;), Captain, wolf116 and Xionin - you guys, honestly, thank you SO much for always giving me this! And if anyone is related in any way to Joss Whedon please let him know that I would with joy shoulder the writing for the show - let's ignore the fact that it's almost over, shall we? ;) (Captain...) ;) Glad y'all liked the Green Eggs and Ham/Wantmetowantto bantering!  
  
Renee' - I made it two "parts" simply 'cause it turned out to be too long, yes. I mean, as you've just read it kinda continued... ;)  
  
Okay, so I HOPE you liked this as well! Annie is now so tired she is about to fall asleep sitting up. This obsessive writing-posting thing really wears and tears ya, huh? *smirks widely and with glee at herself* I LOVE IT! Thanks for pushing me! LOVEYOU! Uh-oh, slipping into sentimental stage. Better go get some shut-eye before I write a page with pure praise for my darling, wonderful readers without whom I wouldn't be posting this and... Oh! It's started!  
  
Good Night!!!  
  
;)  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	19. Clash

*********************************TRApPeD************************************  
  
Nineteen: Clash  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-04-13  
  
****************************************************************************  
  
Day Thirteen.  
  
0.35 a.m.  
  
Why was this happening?  
  
She had asked herself that question in a variety of different emotional states this late afternoon and as it had slipped into evening and further into night she had still found no answer to tell herself. The void refused to give it and she refused to ask anything else, or anyone else...  
  
Right now she was in a place of something very near relaxation and she was struggling to keep herself there so that she could finally fall asleep. With some rest in her perhaps this would begin to make sense - this, whatever it was.  
  
What was it?  
  
Wonderful, another question. And did she have an answer?  
  
With a low huff she sat up and threw her covers off. Looking around at the people sleeping comfortably - and some not so comfortably - in Xander's basement she then slowly scooted to the edge of the sofa-bed and got off it.  
  
"Can't sleep?" Willow whispered from her spot on the piece of furniture and Buffy spun around.  
  
Willow looked at her, quizzical. This was the second time she felt as though she caught the Slayer doing something the latter didn't feel as though she should be doing, and Willow wondered why that was. Because what could Buffy possibly be doing that she might fear her friends disapproval of?  
  
"No," the blonde now replied in a hushed voice, then she smiled a little. "I'll go out on a late night patrol. Get some of the tension off," she added and Willow nodded that she understood - though she rather didn't.  
  
But then, I'm not her, she thought to herself as she closed her eyes again.  
  
Buffy pulled on a pair of sweats and a black sweater, getting her hair out of her face by way of a ponytail she took another look around the room and then left it silently. The streets were quiet and deserted, as usual. After twelve patrolling was usually about sweeping the town, if she happened to stumble on a vamp feeding she got rid of it. If she happened to trip over a vampire taking a stroll, she got rid of it. But usually there weren't any saves. The vamps had hunted and now they were either filling up on the prey or... Actually she had no idea what else they did with their time.  
  
She didn't care either.  
  
Walking passed the Bronze she stopped for a second, finding herself in an alley that had seen its share of violence and death. It had also seen the first encounter she had ever had with...  
  
And we're walking, we're walking, she grumbled in her head, continuing briskly on her way.  
  
Reaching the fifth cemetery of Sunnydale she entered it and slowed down to a stop. Something was off. Turning around slowly she met the grinning fangs of a large vampire, standing ten or so feet away from her and she cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"This is where you say 'Slayer'," she remarked and the vamp's grin widened - if that was un-humanly possible.  
  
"So you're her?" it asked and she rolled her eyes, bringing her stake out.  
  
"Been looking for me?" she wondered and it nodded as it slowly began to circle her. "Well, now what? I run screaming in sight of your masculine and monster-like power?"  
  
The vamp laughed. It was loud and shrill and insane.  
  
"Whoever had the bad taste of turning YOU?" she now asked and the vamp turned its yellow eyes in hers as it merely smiled at her again.  
  
"I believe this is where we fight to the death," it mumbled, giggling to itself and she stared at it.  
  
This was sort of new.  
  
"Should we count to three?" she asked sarcastically and the vamp's face turned menacing as it stopped, holding her gaze.  
  
"Three," it said and moved forward.  
  
She ducked as it swung out an arm and then she put a hook of her right arm into its stomach. She didn't even get a huff out of him and her eyes grew slightly as it reached down to grab her shoulders. Rolling onto her back on the ground she got away from it and quickly flipped herself to her feet, turning to face it.  
  
"I believe you lost something," it remarked, nodding to the ground at its feet and Buffy stared at her weapon.  
  
A rush of panic rose in her and then she fought it back, getting into a fighting stance as she raised her head to meet its eyes with her own.  
  
"Not at all," she replied and once again it giggled.  
  
She fought the shiver of discomfort as it approached her cautiously. She got herself moving and met it halfway. Delivering hard blows to its face she made it take a few steps back. She felt she had the upper hand and got ready to swirl around, wanting to get in a kick so that she could get it away from the place where her stake lie waiting, but in that split second of steadying herself it saw its chance and it took it.  
  
Its hands closed around her throat and her eyes grew wide with surprise as it lifted her off the ground.  
  
"To the...death," it hissed as it bore down harder on her fragile airways and she saw glimmering dots before her eyes as she tried to claw the vampire's hands open.  
  
And then she suddenly hit the ground with a low thud. Drawing deep breaths she began to try and stand up, the world swirling around her and she stumbled back down onto her knees, both hands at her aching throat as she raised her head to try and locate the enemy. Her eyes caught the shape of it right before it turned into a cloud of ashes and she leaned forward, beginning to be able to breathe a bit more easily she took in the sweetness of grass and earth beneath her, filling her lungs gratefully.  
  
Someone kneeled beside her. She could smell leather; and that husky, undefined, underlying scent that was his and nobody else's. His hands grabbed her shoulders and pulled her up to face him. She didn't want to. She kept her eyes closed.  
  
"What the bloody hell were you thinking?" he asked and at that she opened her eyes to glare at him.  
  
"Don't touch me," she said, shaking his hands off her and with effort getting into a standing position.  
  
He did as well, facing her.  
  
"Where's your stake?" he asked and she bit her jaws together.  
  
"I can kill without help," she growled and he wasn't sure whether she meant the help of a weapon or the help of him - she wasn't either.  
  
"The stubborn streak - sodding splendid. Just what I need," he muttered and she shook her head at him. "I just saved your life!" he then exclaimed. "Again," he added and she raised her eyebrows.  
  
"The first time you didn't save it," she then remarked and he tilted his head a little to one side, questioningly. "You just kept it from being spent in prison," she added and he cocked an eyebrow.  
  
He just saved my life. He just saved my life.  
  
The sentence wouldn't stop repeating and she felt her heart pounding in her chest as she stared at him. It had been pounding through the whole incident though, and so she felt rather secure in the assumption of him not reading anything at all into it.  
  
But... why had he?  
  
"Why didn't you let him finish the job?" she asked as casually as she could, clearing her throat as her voice was slightly coarse. "I thought you'd be sitting on a tombstone with popcorn and hands ready to applaud," she added and Spike couldn't help but smirk at that, then he grew serious and something in his expression made a well-known swirl appear in the pit of her stomach. "Never mind," she hurried herself to say, walking up to the fallen hero of carved wood and picking it up to tuck it back into its place before glancing at the vamp.  
  
He wasn't looking at her. He looked thoughtful as he stared at a spot somewhere in the grass before him. His shoulders were slumped and his brow furrowed. And then he looked up, meeting her eyes with his and holding her gaze.  
  
Finally she averted hers.  
  
"I can't do this," she mumbled, more to herself than for him to hear, but he did and as she turned to leave he stopped her by asking:  
  
"What can't you do?"  
  
She shook her head.  
  
"Nothing, let's just...not..." trailing off she took another step, but he had moved forward and now one of his hands closed around her left arm, spinning her around to face him.  
  
"What can't you bloody do?!" he demanded and she tore loose, taking a step back.  
  
"This!" she exclaimed. "I can't DO this, Spike!"  
  
"And what the hell are you doing? What is it you're walking away from?" he inquired and she shook her head again.  
  
"Stop it," she murmured through clenched teeth.  
  
"I won't ever stop it until you TELL me!" he stated as she backed away from him.  
  
Turning she began to walk. He followed.  
  
"What do you wanna hear?!" she yelled, swirling back and facing him. "That I'm sorry about what happened? I am! More sorry than I've been in my entire life! It shouldn't have been allowed to take place between us! It was the hugest mistake I've ever made and believe me - it won't happen again. Not ever."  
  
He sucked his cheeks in as he observed her skeptically and she let hear a small growl of impatience before she turned from him and started up the walking once more. And once more he followed like a tail, like a dog on a leash, like a shadow.  
  
"Are you blind, deaf AND dumb?!" she burst out, glaring at him as she kept walking. "What I'm walking away from is YOU, only it doesn't work if you keep tripping over my heels - so STAY!"  
  
He grabbed her arm again, this time his grip was extremely hard and she gasped as fingers of pain spread underneath her skin. Looking up at him she could see he wasn't having the time of his life either as the bond in his head tugged at him, and he slowly eased up his hold on her, though he wouldn't let her go and she clenched her jaws together as she met his gaze.  
  
"I'm not some housebroken puppy. You may think me an animal, Slayer - I've thought myself that way too many times to give a damn - but if you think for one bloody second that I'm tamed you'd better be very sure... Or one day I'll prove you very wrong," he warned, voice low with threat and she glared at him.  
  
"'Puppy'?" she then asked, giving his hand still around her arm a look before she rested her eyes in his again. "No," she added as he let her go. "I'd never think of you as anything lovable, Spike."  
  
He beat back the wave of weakening pain that he actually felt at hearing her utter those words with a serenity of which her eyes proclaimed every ounce. He couldn't understand how he in one moment didn't want anything else than to be close to her in any way possible, and in the next he couldn't stand the sight of her and regretted ever stopping her on-the- threshold-standing-about-to-be-let-in death which had nearly enough stepped right onto her.  
  
"You know?" she now said, crossing her arms over her chest and letting her gaze drift down over his form as though she was studying a bit of rock. "If you want me to feel actual fear when you try to threaten me you really oughta think twice about - oh, I dunno - jumping in in the knick of time to save my ass from being whopped and all that... It really messes up your image."  
  
"But it's sucha delicious part of you," he replied with a sudden smirk and a sarcastic glitter in his blue eyes which had her remembering how he had gotten to her in the first place. "Without it I'm not sure I'd be this...hot when I'm supposed to be cold - and all that," he added, taking a step closer to her and she felt how she turned stiff with anticipation for his fingertips to grant her skin his touch.  
  
Then she pulled out of it and shook her head as she took two steps back.  
  
"This is..." she began, trailing off as she couldn't finish the sentence.  
  
She wasn't even sure why she had started it. But something gleamed in the depths of his eyes and she couldn't interpret it; then he asked:  
  
"What is this?"  
  
She blinked. That question had haunted her since she left Xander's - but as she heard it formed over the vampire's lips she realized it had been with her for a lot longer than that. And she still had no answer to give neither herself nor him.  
  
"What do you want from me?" she mumbled, shaking her head again. "Whatever it is, I can't give it. I won't."  
  
"Which is it?" he wondered quietly. "You can't or you won't? You can't 'cause of who you are, or you won't 'cause of who you think you are? What do you want from ME, Slayer? What do you really want?"  
  
"I want this to end," she replied.  
  
"You want what to end?" he inquired. "One night and a few kisses?" He huffed, a condescending smile forming on his lips as he observed her eyes widening, hardening. "You gave yourself to me like it was the sodding easiest thing you ever did... Frankly, Slayer... I lost my interest right then and there." She moved forward with a snarl of fury, thrusting her hands upward to punch him in the face, but he caught her by the wrists, twisted her arms back behind her and pulled her to him instead - having her face just below his he continued: "What you can't come to terms with is how this, right here, makes you feel. How every nerve is on edge... how you have to get closer... how much you want this."  
  
"Let me go!" she demanded, squirming as she tried to make him do what she asked and merely receiving a smile in return.  
  
"I'll interpret that..." he murmured, moving his head forward and catching her mouth with his.  
  
She tried to fend him off. She pressed her lips together, she bucked out and away from him, she struggled to turn her head away. But then his tongue somehow brushed her lips in some way that made them lose connection with her brain and all the will in the world couldn't save her as he was able to deepen the kiss.  
  
Damn! Once again he had succeeded to twirl her around so fast that she lost track of where she had started, lost track of for how long she had been spinning, until she wasn't sure it wasn't her who was actually standing still and the world itself that was blurring past her.  
  
The unbelievable rush he instilled in her was beginning to coarse through her and she told herself that she wasn't enjoying it as much as she was. That she wasn't kissing him as hungrily as she was. That she wasn't responding to him in the way that she was.  
  
Then she tore away from him with as much force as she thought was in her and she took a few steps back as he slowly opened his eyes to meet hers.  
  
"Why did you shut the door in my FACE earlier?!" she exclaimed and he sighed.  
  
"Yeah, about that..." he muttered, giving her a look and she raised her eyebrows.  
  
"Yeah?!" she asked and he shrugged.  
  
"I just... wasn't in the mood," he answered and her eyes grew huge. "I mean..." he tried, but she was already to angry to listen to anything else.  
  
"You are just too much. You come here and you save my life and you throw lies in my face..."  
  
"Lies?!" he asked and she nodded.  
  
"You say you lost interest - but THAT, what you just did, that's not interest lost," she stated and he cocked an eyebrow. She ignored it. "And you think that I'll what?"  
  
"Confess."  
  
"Confess?! Confess to WHAT? That I want you?!" she raised her voice and he merely eyed her as she approached him, continuing: "I want you. I want you so badly it makes my skin crawl! All right?! Enough of a confession for you? Happy now?"  
  
"You wanna make me happy?" he asked, small smile on his lips and she pushed him backwards with another growl of anger.  
  
"You always do that," she replied. "You never listen, you only hear what you wanna hear and nothing else. You put words in my mouth and thoughts in my head and I can't deal! Now, THIS I'm telling YOU - I want you, but I don't want to want you. I know this is all some kinda dance to you, but I never said yes to it. So this is me leaving."  
  
"The dance floor?" he wondered wryly and she bit her jaws together before turning and walking away from him. "You know, it seems it doesn't matter how much you want me outta your life!" he called after her. "Our paths are just too...entwined!"  
  
"Then take another route!" she yelled over her shoulder. "Mine's predestined!"  
  
***  
  
2.21 a.m.  
  
She didn't want to want him? SHE didn't want to want HIM?! Did she for a moment think that he WANTED to want her? That he had wanted to have her on his mind every bloody second of the past two weeks?! Well, give or take a day or two...  
  
No. He hadn't. He had never asked for this, never wished for this, never needed this to happen. Not once had he in his wildest dreams imagined himself wrapped up in her like this. And now...  
  
Why didn't he listen?! Why hadn't he listened to that small, small voice that day in the basement - when this whole rollercoaster was set in motion - that had told him to hold back? It had told him with perfect clarity that if he didn't, he'd be lost.  
  
He hated the fact that she was right - he was as lost as ever.  
  
He despised the state he was in, the helplessness that came with it. There was nothing he could do to get it out of him and he knew it all too well, now that he could do nothing but admit it; admit the presence of something too strong inside of him. This emotion he harbored had always been traitorous, had always bloomed at precisely the wrong second in time. Had made him not be able to trust it or cherish it. He thought of it as cruel, unforgiving and most of all painful.  
  
And now it was reaching for his heart again. He could feel the warm tips of its fingers as it got closer. Nothing. There was nothing he could do to avert this disaster. This pressing, earth-shattering apocalypse. His very own ending of his world. He could already feel the changes. They were starting to take place deep down within - shifting the structure of his outlook on the world.  
  
Things could never just run smoothly, could they? Things always had to get messed up into complication, deeming them unrecognizable.  
  
It was all her fault. It had to be. He needed somewhere to hang the coat of blame and her shoulders seemed as good a place as any. It was all her fault.  
  
So where would he take this? Did he fight it until that bitter ending - or did he embrace it for what it was: inevitable?  
  
Hate was so much simpler than this. Hate was raw and certain, it was something he could aim, it was dark - he could lean on it. But love...?  
  
His eyes grew as he for the first time actually thought that word and everything in him wanted to cringe, but couldn't. Seeing her before him had him suddenly feel weak with defeat. Closing his eyes he let the image of her take all of the confusion away, all of the doubt and the sliver of regret.  
  
How had it come to this? All these hours of nothing but battering each other, and this was what it came down to? For him... HOW the bleeding hell could he even...? But he did. He was falling head first, not a chance to catch himself and not a shred of hope in the world that she would.  
  
This seemed to be his fate - unrequited love for all eternity.  
  
He suddenly smiled to himself, opening his eyes and looking at the black TV- screen before him.  
  
It was all too ironic. Laughable, even. The fact that Dru had known, so long ago... That she had pulled away from him because of it. It was all so clear now. Crystal thoughts piercing his mind.  
  
I'll be damned if I ever tell her, he thought now, brushing the pictures of blonde locks and green eyes out of his head as he got to his feet. I can't ever tell her.  
  
Perhaps in never doing so lie his salvation.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Oh, wowdiwow. Lotta reviews. Did I stir emotions up with the former chapter or sumthing? Hehehe. Just glad there are no flashes as of yet 'cause reading that you're liking it still is SO much better. ;) Thanks so much for letting me know what you think! Oh, you are the bestest!!! ;)  
  
Warm and special thanks to Renee' (*grin* I'm happy to have you guessing, but the drinking buddy thing is in season5, does not yet apply here...*wide smile* As always thrilled to read your review, girl, and so glad you're liking it!), Faith (I'm happyhappy you think that and, ahem - *LOL*), Captain (I bow my head, instoring the happy is one of the best parts) ;), Pine (Hehe, yeah, it wouldn't have been so easy to write the chapter unless I knew where I was headed with it. Riley and Buffy in bed is SO not fun. Hehe. Glad ya approve, though! And I did get my rest.) :), Haley (*makes big trainwreck crashing noise* *hopeful nod in agreement*) :D ;), Mel (*grin* The slap-factor is a well-known concept to me, yes. Glad you liked!) ;), Spuffygirl (Oh, well then I'm happy you didn't think it a waste of time once you finished! Thanks a LOT for that reassuring compliment!) :), Shippy (Good, very good. And thanks for that ;) and thanks so much for that compliment) :), wolf116 (ME TOOOOO! *smile* I won't tell, my friend. Never ever reveal your secrets before they're out there - that is simply my motto. Hehe, you'll have to be patient with me, k?) ;), VampiresKiss (Always glad when you check in at least once in a while! Good you're still enjoying!) :), Johanna (THANK YOU SOSOSOSO MUCH! Really, great to hear you still do and thanks for the Buffy comment. It's always a plus to be writing the charachters well!) :), charisma1525 (oh, but perhaps I'll end it with Spike and Riley getting along and him helping Riley to make up with Buffy since he realizes that a relationship between the two of them would be impossible and then he ends up actually being the BestMan at the two humans wedding?) ;P, Alyssa (aw, don't be HAPPY the poor wanker got hurt *sarcasm* ;) And good that you got to read what you needed!) :), Andi (It's cool, I'm glad to hear from you now. Glad that you wrote me to deliver the happy news of you liking it too! Thank you!) ;), Rachel (Another one that's been with this from the start - and again I'm happy to hear from you now! ;) Great, great that you enjoy! Thanks for letting me know!) :), Heather (oh, I'm so happy you liked! :) Haha to that! ;) Hope this was agreeable as well...) :) and LizDarcy (*grin*) - to all of you just a great, huge, ten thousand yards high, painted Vanilla Sky or Once More With Feeling (your preferred taste, of course) sign just standing tall and proud proclaiming how happy I am that you're still liking this spelling Thank You All! ;)  
  
Oh, and Renee' - sorry I didn't reply to the Dawn question that you asked like WAY back! Um, I don't think she'll be introduced since she's not born yet, but since I have no idea how long this story will stretch I dunno if she might come in later... We'll have to see how it pans out.  
  
Thanks again, y'all! 'Til next time, eh? ;)  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	20. When It Settles

*********************************TRApPeD************************************  
  
Twenty: When It Settles  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-04-15  
  
****************************************************************************  
  
Day Thirteen.  
  
7.05 a.m.  
  
Buffy watched the rather stupefying cartoon moving on the TV-screen. A bird making funny noises kept escaping a coyote that insistently pursued setting traps to ensnare or preferably kill it. She blinked. No, she wouldn't even pretend to acknowledge the analogy her head immediately made to the scenario.  
  
Last night had been...last night. Today was a whole new day and she'd... keep trying to figure out exactly what she should do while she watched the coyote now dropping a huge wrecking-ball of some sort, in a ridiculously thin rope, from a board spanned over two sides of a steep valley. It was aimed to hit the approaching bird, which stopped short just a mere inch away from the spot where it would actually have been hit and the wrecking ball made a loop, coming back to hit the coyote hard over the head instead. Actually making the poor animal stick to it...  
  
"That would never happen," she muttered, thinking of how The Coyote would probably just have ducked under its ugly, leather coat and slithered away...to conjure up some other way to get rid of the smart, fast, pretty and clever bird.  
  
"Well, no, Buff," Willow replied. "That's why they call them cartoons - not documentaries," she added, turning her eyes from the screen and into her friend's with a meaningful look and Buffy sighed.  
  
Anya - seated between the two on the sofa-bed - listened to the exchange and then joined the other two in turning their heads to the side of the TV as Giles came through the improvised wall located there - constructed out of blankets - separating the boys from the girls. He didn't look too keen.  
  
"Must we have the noise? My head is splitting," he grumbled, turning the TV off and Willow smirked.  
  
"Well, look who's Cranky Bear in the morning," she remarked wryly and he sighed, stopping as he was about to walk through the blankets again to turn back to them as he replied:  
  
"Yes, well, I can't imagine why I didn't sleep well in my beach ball."  
  
"Every time you moved it made squeaky noises," Anya remarked. "It was irritating," she added.  
  
"Really?" he inquired. "I'm surprised you could hear it over your Vargnerian snoring."  
  
"Okay, you guys! Could we not, please?" Buffy interrupted the bickering and they both cooled down as she added: "Everything's screwed up enough without you two doing Scenes From My Parents Marriage."  
  
"Sorry," Anya apologized, voice low and looking rather sheepish.  
  
"Sorry," Giles muttered back, disappearing through the blankets.  
  
"Thank you," Buffy said, gratefully, and Willow looked at her for a moment before saying:  
  
"It'll be okay, Buffy. Riley's just confused, that's all."  
  
Buffy felt a twitch near her heart at that, then she smiled a small smile.  
  
"I don't think so," she then replied.  
  
After all, what was there to be confused about...? She felt so awful. She never would have hurt him like that unless Spike had gotten her all wound up and angry! Stupid bleach-head! It was all his fault!  
  
"Of course that's how it is!" Willow assured, making Buffy pause as she had to remind herself that no, Willow hadn't just read her thoughts but was referring to the remaining topic of Riley, plus being seemingly set on supportive-friend mode. If she had only known. "I'm sure when he sees you it'll just... you know, boil over. He's in love with you! Then - what you do is - you forgive."  
  
Buffy swallowed, her smile growing stale.  
  
"Yeah. Right. Forgiveness. Big part of the relationship bit," she murmured, looking down on the green blanket splayed over her and Willow frowned.  
  
"Is something bothering you?" she then asked and Buffy looked up, adopting an innocent expression.  
  
"Why do you think something's bothering me?" she asked back and Willow raised her eyebrows.  
  
"I dunno, the way you act? You're here and still you're not... What's on your mind, Buffy? I can tell it's not Riley 'cause the way you looked a week ago isn't how you look now. You don't have that starry eyed, floating- on-top-of-the-clouds look," she stated and Buffy bit her jaws together, sinking down slightly where she sat.  
  
How had it come to this? A week ago...well, more like two weeks to her...she had been enjoying the fact that she was falling in love with a great guy. A human, pulse-possessing, all be it not completely average, yet very regular guy. And now...? She wasn't even sure anymore! How was that possible? She wasn't falling out of love, was she? That couldn't be! It was too new; to already be able to just break away from it seemed unthinkable.  
  
"Hello?" Anya sing-songed and Buffy pulled out of her musings to look at her two friends.  
  
"Sorry," she mumbled. "I'm just... I don't know. Riley's whole world's just...falling apart," she added, growing self-conscious.  
  
"Yeah, and with everything you went through with Angel," Anya chimed in. "You know, you really should get yourself a BORING boyfriend. Like Xander... You can't have Xander," she then added and stated, causing Buffy to smile slightly.  
  
"That was the idea," she then agreed. "Riley was supposed to be mister Joe guy... Guess I'm not supposed to have one of those," she then muttered.  
  
"Oh, no, Buffy," Willow disagreed. "Don't think like that. You'll... work things out," she once more put on the optimism-cap and Buffy met her gaze for a few seconds before she slowly replied:  
  
"I'm not all that sure, Will. Things just aren't always as they seem and now... thing's 've changed."  
  
Willow eyed her closely for a few dragged out seconds before remarking:  
  
"You're so making no sense right now," and Buffy smiled meekly.  
  
"Nothing makes any sense anymore," she then replied.  
  
"So dump him," Anya spoke up, turning a warning gaze into the Slayer's as she added: "But you can't-have-Xander."  
  
"I'll try and remember that," Buffy promised, closing her eyes and sinking back against the pillows.  
  
And I don't think the decision of stay-together-or-no is up to me, she thought to herself. If there even is a question of that anymore...  
  
And if he'd be willing to forgive, Buffy - what then? Is his forgiveness what you want?  
  
She opened her eyes at that, staring up into the ceiling with a sinking feeling in her chest.  
  
Of course it is, she then thought. I'll beg for it. I will.  
  
Xander interrupted her thoughts by practically yelling for them to turn on the TV.  
  
***  
  
12.12 p.m.  
  
Buffy slowly approached the place where the female news reporter had stated the body of a young boy had been found that very morning. Police cars and an ambulance cluttered the scene and she felt her heart beat heavily in her chest. With the guilt she felt as the Polgara demon for certain had been looking for her, and at the thought that what she considered her own sloppiness had caused the incident to ever take place.  
  
A sloppiness that - if she hadn't let it slide, if she had listened to Giles' advice to be certain of what she was getting herself into when she grew more involved with the Initiative - wouldn't have been allowed to cloud her judgment. Concerning Maggie Walsh, concerning what the Initiative could possibly want with a live Polgara as apposed to a very much slain one. She felt like a fool.  
  
She watched the ambulance crew as they worked and then she shook her head to herself. She felt alone, more than ever, and it was a burden around her neck as her heart seemed torn in two. One half instructed her to get her head back on straight and not let something so trivial as a few indiscretions ruin a future she knew she might still have with Riley. The other half merely laughed at that. Laughed so hard she thought she could feel it spill tears of blood into her veins and then - to prove its point - it merely produced the sensation of this blue-eyed demon's hands, his mouth, his body and being... How could something so wrong feel so right? When he touched her...  
  
Demon. Demon, demon.  
  
But sometimes the way he eyed her made her come close to blushing. His gaze could be much to gentle for a creature such as him, too inquisitive, too personal. And at times he brushed his lips against her as though he...felt more, needed more from her, had to dig deeper until he could grasp the same craving within her and pull it to the surface. He was hungry, eager, and yet tentative... No matter how hard he had tried to act as though he wasn't she had noticed how carefully he made sure that he gave as much as he took; that she received as much pleasure as she...  
  
Buffy, she interrupted her thoughts. Focus on something else. Please!  
  
She sighed.  
  
What was she even thinking?  
  
Turning - concluding that there was nothing for her at the site for now - she stopped short as she faced...  
  
"Riley," she breathed and he observed her in tight silence before he nodded stiffly.  
  
"Buffy," he then greeted.  
  
"I saw - on the news..." she mumbled, gesturing to the spot behind her and he nodded again.  
  
"I figured."  
  
"The...the Polgara?" she asked, meeting his gaze hesitantly and he lifted one shoulder in a small shrug.  
  
"We're not sure yet," he replied.  
  
"Riley, I'm SO..."  
  
"Listen, for now, let's not talk anything but work. We're both professionals, let's keep it at that," he interrupted her coldly and she frowned slightly before she nodded.  
  
"All right," she agreed. "Well, the Polgara had the sort of skewer they mentioned. And..."  
  
"Maggie's dead," he stated and she completely lost her track as she gaped up at him. "Happy now?" he added, looking away from her and she frowned deeper this time.  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked. "How can you even ask me that?"  
  
"She had it in for you. You're not relieved one more threat's off your back? Oh, right... that's where you prefer them," he shot and she blinked, taken off guard by his crudity.  
  
"I guess I deserved that," she said, voice lowered. "And I have no defense so give me your best shot. But as you said - professionals," she added and he clenched his jaws together as he looked down at her. "It was the Polgara, wasn't it?" she asked and he seemed to give it some thought before he granted her a small nod as a reply. "I'm gonna find it," she stated. "I'm gonna find it, I'm gonna destroy it... and then you can stop asking me how 'happy' all this death makes me," she finished, giving him a hard look before she brushed passed him.  
  
"Are you falling for him, Buffy?" he asked and she stopped, turning partially back to him with a rather shocked expression on her face. "Are we over?" he then added.  
  
She stared at him for what seemed like a month cramped into a long moment before she answered:  
  
"I don't know."  
  
Turning away from him and continuing on her way he watched her as she went - wondering which question she had answered.  
  
***  
  
5.17 p.m.  
  
She wasn't falling for him.  
  
How could he even ASK her that? Her FALLING for that insufferable vampire? No.  
  
She hadn't been able to shake the question all day and as she entered Willy's she looked around at the riffraff and low lives and almost wanted to smirk at Riley even for one second believing that she could ever stoop so low as to let herself fall for someone who wasn't even part of his own society's upper class. He was tough and rough. The muscle-for-hire kinda type. His schemes never came through. His goals were never reached. He was as pathetic as pathetic could be.  
  
Oh, Buffy, stop, she sarcastically told herself, before you start feeling sorry for him.  
  
Half an hour later she walked out, supporting Riley who had come close to shooting off his gun at an innocent and who was acting as though he had come down with something slightly worse than a mere touch of the flu - it seemed to be more like an invasion.  
  
Comforting him tentatively and placing him on the sofa-bed of Xander's she walked through the blanketwall and had a small discussion with Giles and Xander. Soon her and the latter were headed for Initiative head quarters.  
  
***  
  
8.52 p.m.  
  
She sauntered over the street leading to the fourth cemetery, her head heavy with thoughts of what information she had received - of what had taken place. Of what she had learned about Riley, that he was part of some experiment as well... And mostly of what she had found out about her newest Big Bad; also known as Adam. A Frankenstein's monster thrown into the happy mix of master vampires and lovers turned crazed killers and mayors going all Snake-Me-Out!  
  
At least Riley was safe, for now. With people who could take care of him. Hopefully she would be able to untangle the messed up web, constructing her mind at the moment, by the time she faced him again.  
  
Why had she given him that answer earlier? "I don't know." What had she meant by that? "Beg" had been the operative word that very morning and once she stood before the final decision she chose...? Why was she recoiling, backing away from happiness come easy? Served on a silver platter and having her name printed all over it...  
  
Perhaps right there was her answer. In the question itself, grinning at her. What fun was there? What tension? What challenge in knowing the safety, the predictability with which his love carefully placed itself as a layer on top of her?  
  
Something had broken through that layer. Something had turned it into mere strips flapping in the wind of this turmoil inside of her. And this something...  
  
She hadn't gone on patrol to think about that something. She had gone out to clear her head, make the streets a tad safer and hopefully have some sort of plan ready by the time she returned to Xander's. Clear her head... And didn't that concept include cleaning out this dirty habit she was getting into of associating the smallest of things to a certain...something?  
  
Cleaning? Exactly. Swoop-swoop-swoop with a large broom under the rug of her mind and gone that something was. No need to think about him ever again... Or it. Or... Darn.  
  
"I'm totally freaking out here," she grumbled.  
  
Like HE had said - "one night and a few kisses". WHAT was the big deal?  
  
She stopped short as she looked up and met his gaze. Blinking, with the surprise sending scurrying bits of ice through her to collect in her stomach, she drew a small breath in order to steady herself again; looking closer at him where he stood in slight shadow and five feet away from her she noticed the still fresh bruises covering his face, his swollen lip, the blood trailing from a cut in his forehead and down the left side of his cheek.  
  
She could see he had swiped at it, but the residue was cutting her eyes with its color and she clenched her jaws together at the small sting of sudden protectiveness rising in the pit of her stomach.  
  
He huffed, then turned and began to walk away from her. She furrowed her brow, then slowly followed.  
  
"You gonna tell me what happened?" she asked, catching up to him though he was still a few paces ahead and he stopped, shook his head and then turned back to her. "Who did that to you?" she added, her voice unsteady with growing uncertainty as he held her gaze firmly.  
  
"You did," he then replied, turning and once more beginning to move.  
  
She frowned again, and then followed, coming up to walk at his side.  
  
"I object to that," she stated and he huffed for the second time.  
  
"I'm so bloody shocked," he replied sarcastically and she grabbed the arm of his duster to make him stop and face her. He observed her for a few seconds then said: "You wanna know what happened? I got a good, clean ass- kicking session by some local bloody Hargorth demons 'cause YOU can't keep your face where it belongs - away from ANY bloody association with MINE!"  
  
She stared at him at that. Baffled and offended and when he turned from her for the third time she wasn't late to follow.  
  
"For your information," she said and he rolled his eyes to the sky as what he had anticipated commenced, "you can't blame ME for getting your ass kicked around by some Hogsworth demon..."  
  
"Hargorth," he corrected, turning his head to her where she was keeping up with his pace at his right side and she glared at him.  
  
"Do you mind?" she shot and he merely gave her a look, thus she continued: "You can't blame ME 'cause I'M not the one who encouraged you to go out and go all demon-killer-friendly, am I?!"  
  
He glared at her, stopping again and she crossed her arms over her chest as she met his flaming gaze with her own not hesitant in its retaliation.  
  
"But if you'd just kept yourself the hell away from my crypt perhaps..." he trailed off, finding his arguments completely worthless.  
  
She had nothing to do with it. It was just easier being angry with her than have to fall back on that other feeling... Seeing her in such a different light was too strange, but having her in the flesh close enough to touch made the fact all that much steadier in his chest, and the anger poured out of him as though he had turned a faucet off and pulled the plug from the drain.  
  
She was still looking at him, impatient and malevolent. Angried and mistrusting. But as his face slowly grew into that quizzical expression it had seemed to adopt on their last few encounters her eyes dropped the harshness as well. Unfolding her arms she sighed, shaking her head and looking away from him.  
  
He clenched his jaws together, wanting so badly to reach out and feel her there that he made himself move away from her. She looked up just as he pushed the front door of his crypt open. She hadn't realized they were that close to it...or that she had been. Indecisive she stayed where she was for nearly two minutes. Something telling her to leave - and fast. Something else acknowledging the slender twirl of worry within her - though it wrote it off as a natural part of her humanity - and encouraging her to follow him.  
  
Once the second minute was up she took the latter's advice and cautiously neared the entrance - the door still standing ajar and she slipped through it. The foyer was dark, but through the second door she could see the flickering light of a candle burning.  
  
Throwing her last chance for retreat over her shoulder she stepped through the door and into the crypt.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
A/N - this chapter has contained explicit material from the Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode "Good-bye Iowa". All rights to writer Marti Noxon for the dialogue! I think most of you can tell the small or large changes I've made etc. Plus, obviously, I've put my own interpretations in there as well. ;) 


	21. Something Else

*********************************TRApPeD************************************  
  
Twenty-One: Something Else  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-04-16  
  
****************************************************************************  
  
Day Thirteen.  
  
9.02 p.m.  
  
He ignored her for nearly a minute, walking around and putting small flames to dance on more candles with his lighter in a firm grip. She watched him in silence, studied his wounds until she felt she would be able to clean them blindfolded, and because of that thought making herself look away from him. Stepping further into the room she stopped in the middle of the floor and once more turned her eyes on him just as he finished with the last candle and looked up to meet her gaze.  
  
He looked mad. She couldn't tell why.  
  
"Want me to leave?" she asked.  
  
"No," he replied, though he didn't sound all that sure.  
  
"'Cause I could," she stated and he cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"If I wanted you to, I'm sure you'd stay right where you are now for the rest of the evening," he muttered and she put her hands at her hips in a protesting gesture.  
  
"Maybe that's what YOU'D do," she then retorted and a small smile graced his lips at that, before she continued: "but we're not as alike as you seem to think. Do you want me to leave?" she repeated her question and he tucked the lighter into the pocket of his duster before letting the latter slip off his shoulders.  
  
Throwing the leather over the back of an armchair - which she hadn't noticed before - he then had his eyes in hers once more, holding her gaze he then answered:  
  
"No."  
  
She nodded, turning from him to take a look around the place. The last time she had been there hadn't granted her the opportunity and now... Well, the cobwebs were gone. There was a fridge...  
  
"How on earth did you get access to electricity?" she wondered, looking at him again and he shrugged, moving to sit down in the armchair - which was just about the only piece of furniture there except for a busted up TV - and with a tired grumble he rested his head back.  
  
"I won't tell," he replied, closing his eyes and she looked at him for a few moments before approaching him. "If I told you, someday I'm sure you'd use it against me. Cut the bloody wire and leave me hanging..."  
  
Her fingertips gently sliding around the cut on his forehead made him come to an abrupt halt in his accusations and he opened his eyes to look at her where she had taken a seat by his left arm. She met his gaze briefly, then moved her own up to what her hands were doing again and he was free to stare at her all he wanted.  
  
"What are you...?" he began, but she cut him off with:  
  
"Got a first-aid kit?"  
  
"You've gotta be buggering..."  
  
"Got-a-first-aid-kit?" she repeated and he tried not to gape before he put on an indifferent expression and gestured toward the sarcophagus.  
  
She raised her eyebrows meaningfully and then got to her feet, moving up to the spot and getting the heavy lid off of it without any effort. Peeking inside she frowned at the ugly skeleton, decorated with scraps of decayed flesh.  
  
"Was that supposed to be funny?" she asked, popping her head up to look over at the vamp.  
  
"Underneath it, love," he merely replied and she followed that instruction, pulling the silk on which the skeleton lay aside and finding a small stash of belongings there.  
  
She grabbed the tattered box with a red cross painted on top of it and then walked back up to the armchair, taking her previous seat on the left armrest.  
  
"You know, this looks like it was saved from the grip of the second world war or something," she pointed out, grasping at the rough edges of the lid and prying it open carefully.  
  
"What's to say it wasn't?" he pointed out, eyes yet again closed and head leaned back.  
  
"Right, you were alive and kicking back then," she mumbled, smiling just a little as she added: "So to speak."  
  
She began to rummage through the contents and then she got to her feet.  
  
"Got water?" she wondered and he nodded.  
  
"In the fridge," he said and she walked up to it, found the bottle and brought it back to him - along with a dusty kitchen towel; which she, to her own surprise, had found.  
  
Soaking the cloth carefully she sat down again, leaning forward to see in the dim light she began to clean the blood off.  
  
Her warmth was pressed against his shoulder, it seemed. Her scent intoxicating as it swiveled around his head and her closeness felt too near, and much too bare. Why was she even caring? What was she doing?  
  
"Buffy," he mumbled, opening his eyes just as she moved the towel to the wound and he bit his jaws together at the thunderclap of pain.  
  
"Don't tell me you're gonna complain," she said and at the actual tease in those words he grabbed the wrist of the hand holding the towel and moved it away from him, catching her gaze and holding it he looked up at her.  
  
Her heart was picking up its pace. What answer was he trying to find? He looked at her in a way that made her think there had to be a question he was asking. But she'd already answered it - she did want him... She...  
  
He let her wrist go and let his arm fall along his side again, tilting his head the fraction of an inch to one side as he watched her in a silence which expanded time and seemed to will it into slow motion. She had to break it.  
  
"Why did they do this?" she asked, moving her hand back to its original position and dabbing the wound as gently as she could as she waited for his answer.  
  
"What do you care?" he simply asked back and she thought that - behind the everlasting grouchiness - there seemed to be an actual query.  
  
She didn't dwell on that, merely replied:  
  
"It's my business - as the Slayer."  
  
He suddenly smirked, giving her a sideway glance.  
  
"Right. The heroine protects the helpless and the outcasts," he nodded, then rose to his feet and she sighed. "I'm neither," he added, voice growing cold and she swallowed.  
  
"That's not what I said. Here's a shiny example of you putting words in my mouth," she remarked and he seemed to lose some of his assurance as he looked down at her. "Now sit... Please."  
  
He hesitated, then grumbled and did as she requested.  
  
"What I meant was: what goes on around me is my business - as the Slayer," she now elaborated her former sentence and he gave her a look as she reached into the box and brought out a small band-aid. "Now tell me - why did they do this?"  
  
"Because of my sodding hobby of killing off demons, what the hell 'd you think?" he muttered, making a face as she pulled the wound closed before fastening the band-aid to keep it that way. "Seems I'm an involuntary bloody part of your little posse, pet," he added and she cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"Something tells me you don't do anything 'involuntarily'," she retorted and at that a real smile split his face before he looked away from her.  
  
Clearing his throat he got rid of the display of how right she was in assuming that, and then her fingers were under his chin, making him turn his head to her and tilt it back slightly so that she could have a look at his lip and nose.  
  
"You'll heal," she stated and he raised his eyebrows.  
  
"There was never any question of that," he replied and she removed her hand with a small nod.  
  
She rose to her feet, seemed to give something a short dispatch of thought and then she turned to him again. Hesitantly she met his gaze and then she asked:  
  
"If you only kill for the kill itself... where's the pleasure?"  
  
He found himself rather stumped at that question.  
  
"You've killed," he then slowly replied. "You know the feeling... The power. That overwhelming rush."  
  
She looked at him, then shook her head slowly.  
  
"No," she said. "I don't know the kind you're under 'cause when I kill, I kill with purpose. To save life, to preserve life... I have a cause. You kill because you feel like it, on a whim. Because that's your nature. Because it's your instinct."  
  
"And your instinct isn't based on the kill?" he wondered. "On catching the prey and doing away with it?"  
  
"But, Spike, you don't hunt anymore. You only kill," she remarked and under her gaze he found himself feeling small and ignorant. He didn't like it. "I can't understand that," she finished, turning from him and heading for the door.  
  
"You trying to understand me, Slayer?" he asked quietly and she paused in the doorway, hand on the knob as she turned partially to him.  
  
"Maybe I just think it's time you chose sides," she answered cryptically, continuing through the door and disappearing from view.  
  
***  
  
Day Fifteen.  
  
9.27 p.m.  
  
He hadn't seen her since she left his place two nights ago. And to be perfectly honest with himself - himself being the only creature he ever was completely honest with - he had been avoiding her to avoid her small demand; if that was how he should label it. He felt cornered now; surrounded by sky-high walls on all sides but one, and in that one - she stood; blocking his escape.  
  
He didn't know what he should do to get around her. If he used violence she'd merely mirror it and they could fight forever, their strengths really were much too alike for an easy outcome to a declaration of battle. If he used his head she'd twist it - she already was doing just that - and he'd be swearing her his undying mark of a liaison between them by the end of the night.  
  
He grumbled to himself as he walked across the sixth cemetery, headed for home. He was annoyed now. These thoughts of her had kept him in a moving emotional state for the past forty-eight hours and just when he thought he had found a missing piece of the puzzle it was snatched out of his hands and once more he was left fumbling for a new one. He absolutely detested this feeling of no control. And SHE was the cause of it, of course.  
  
'When I kill, I kill with a purpose.'  
  
Stupid sodding brainless bint!  
  
He HAD a purpose, and the purpose was himself. He had killed for a hundred years, did she expect him to CHOOSE it away? Did she expect he HAD a choice in the sodding matter? He was evil, for crying out loud. And still she stood there, judging him and trying to make him come to a decision about HIS existence, which had functioned perfectly well until the cursed day he laid eyes on HER!  
  
So, why had she said that? Did she believe that he'd actually join her? Did she really think that?  
  
What's so funny? a voice remarked. You'd walk through fire for her and your scoffing at this? Seems YOU'RE the sodding brainless git in this scenario.  
  
"Oh, shut the bloody hell up," he growled. "I don't HAVE a conscience so don't even buggering start!"  
  
So what's that gray moving in the dark? What's that air of hope you seem to be set on living off of? What are you really hoping for...William?  
  
He rammed his fist into a nearby tree trunk as he screamed for the feeling to go away, for the sense of slipping out of his own skin to get the hell away from him! This couldn't be happening. It wasn't supposed to go down like this. He couldn't change! How could he possibly change?!  
  
And yet, something was. He was. Changing. What she had asked him, before the sentence which had left him so rattled, had gotten to him on a different level and he had had her voice echoing through his head as it kept repeating the question "If you only kill for the kill itself - where's the pleasure?". It was followed by her mumble of "I can't understand that."  
  
He wanted her to understand. He needed it so badly it scared him. He had tried to find a good enough explanation, but the one he had given her when she asked him seemed to be the only one willing to present itself. It sounded so crass, so meaningless, so meek.  
  
He didn't like the gray. He wanted it gone. He didn't like how it made him really feel and think over things that he had done; was going to do... He couldn't stand that gray twist of new inside of him, dancing slowly as it cradled his emotions related to her in its arms.  
  
And another thought came to him as well.  
  
She's stronger, it stated softly.  
  
A thousand times stronger than you are.  
  
She fights a fight that is that much more of a struggle than anything you've ever even imagined. And she's never had the choice.  
  
He swallowed, turning his head as he heard a punch connect with bone covered with skin. Slowly making his way along a row of tombstones he stopped by three tall pines and tried to see through the branches.  
  
Buffy.  
  
She was winning; the vampire was already recoiling in the presence of her - as always - obvious determination, and most of all - power. Bringing out her stake she took a few more turns with the doomed creature before she sunk her weapon into its heart.  
  
She straightened her posture, squared her shoulders, tucked her stake back in place and then turned to meet the bleached vampire's approving gaze. He took a step forward, trying not to look too admiring as he realized she must have felt him about the same time he did her. Paranormal senses were a bitch that way.  
  
He had the insecurity loop itself around his heart as he for the first time ever felt anything remotely like it in her presence, and it made him even more uncomfortable. He didn't know what to say; wasn't sure what she wanted from him. What he wanted.  
  
She was watching him - waiting for something, or hesitating just like him, which one of it it was he had no way to figure out.  
  
And so they stood, in silence, before he noticed the streak in her eyes making him remark:  
  
"You look tired."  
  
"I'll live," she replied.  
  
"I saw you last night, patrolling..." he began, biting his jaws together as her eyebrows rose questioningly. "I just mean that you've been doing a bleeding lotta that lately... Patrolling," he added and loathed the uncertainty in his voice.  
  
She had caught herself just in time to prevent herself from asking him why he hadn't saw it fit to declare himself by means of a 'bloody awful night we're having, eh?' or a 'need any help with the Slaying I'll be over here watching for someone who might wanna jump in' or at least a 'hello, I hate you...now good-bye'...the sort of things he always threw in her face any chance he got.  
  
"Yeah, well," she now merely sighed.  
  
After their last encounter she had tried not to think about him, had fought to not read too much into what she had actually said to him right before leaving. Read things like her trying to ask for help, her actually wanting his help, her pretty much needing his help...and then again not really, did she? Not wanting to dig further into that her mind had stubbornly disobeyed and continued with: if you're not asking or wanting or needing his help...then why are you so hoping that he'll come to you with an answer that...  
  
No.  
  
Shuddering at the mere thought she had shut it off and out of her mind.  
  
Seeing him now, however, made a small swirl of eagerness start up in the back of her somewhere, and she couldn't for the life of her understand where it was coming from. He had never proven himself worthy of any such thing. She couldn't trust him in any matter what so ever and if he DID offer his help he'd probably - in the end - just turn around and stab her in the back.  
  
Because that's WHO HE IS, she told herself.  
  
It was YOU who said that YOU DON'T KNOW HIM, that stubborn streak he had muttered about a few nights ago spoke up and she rolled her eyes at herself.  
  
I know his type, that's all I need, she assured. He's so deep into the whole bad-ass act that he wouldn't know white from black. Tell a lie enough times eventually you'll come to believe it. He's been lying for over five times the amount of years I've been on this planet. Think those habits are just to shrug off? Please! He'll lie to me, cheat and steal and kill and he won't ever change. Nobody changes that easily and least of all HIM.  
  
So stop hoping he will.  
  
I'm not HOPING for anything here!  
  
"Right, then," he said and she cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"Where's the mouth you usually wear? It's trademarks are it being so very talkative, a necessity to be constantly beaten up and oh, yeah, the oh-so- fun NEVER shutting up when it really should..."  
  
"I left it at home," he interrupted and she crossed her arms over her chest.  
  
They were more than ten feet apart and yet she could almost feel his arms around her. She shook it off, all that was done with now. She had meant what she had said - she wanted all of it to be over. To her it was. She just might need his help...  
  
No, you don't.  
  
...on this ADAM thing!  
  
Sometimes she really hated herself.  
  
"Go get it," she now encouraged him. "I don't know what to say when you stand there all... I don't know what!"  
  
"I'm not 'all'," he replied, slightly agitated. "And you're one to bloody talk."  
  
She gave him a look at that, then her eyes moved to his forehead and her face grew less annoyed as she said:  
  
"The cut's gone."  
  
He lifted one hand to the spot in mere reflex, brushing his fingers over it before he smiled a little.  
  
"Yeah..." he agreed.  
  
They grew quiet again and he sighed, shaking his head before stating:  
  
"It'd never work."  
  
She glanced up at him, frowning quizzically though she had the most awful idea what he was referring to.  
  
"You know it'd never work," he now added and she swallowed, then nodded slowly. "We're too..."  
  
"Competitive," she filled in.  
  
"Prone to the whole 'mortal enemies' bit - I was gonna say," he replied. "But that other thing too," he added and she looked away from him, the disappointment a fact she didn't want to face.  
  
"You're right," she then concurred. "Too different."  
  
"Too opposite."  
  
"You know, YOU said that opposites attract," she remarked and at that he raised both eyebrows, making her grow extremely self-conscious before she added: "I'm just saying."  
  
"Well, yes and no. What I said was opposites complete each other," he pointed out and she unfolded her arms as she met his gaze again. "And that was just a line," he added and her eyes grew slightly at that.  
  
"If you're that good an actor..." she began, trailing off before she grumbled: "You're that good an actor."  
  
He cocked an eyebrow, observing her face as it hardened slightly. Why was she even listening to him? Why was she standing here, discussing this with him?  
  
"What can I say, love?" he asked silently. "That being with you had some profound impact on me?"  
  
"Shut up," she murmured.  
  
Why was he pushing her like this? He couldn't answer that for himself, he could only let himself do what he needed, do what he had to. This seemed to be it.  
  
"It didn't," he continued, holding her eyes steadily. "Like I said - this'd never work. You and me. Day and night. Push and pull... Good and evil. Side by side?" he wondered, tilting his head slightly to one side before he finished: "You never really thought so, did you?"  
  
She took a step back, feeling the anger with him sift through her soul.  
  
"Then you go back to yours," she replied, voice laced with the emotion inside of her. "And I'll go back to mine. And the next time we meet, don't you even dare talk to me."  
  
He watched her turn and leave.  
  
There was his answer.  
  
There was his bit of the puzzle practically tucked into his palm.  
  
She had thought that he would; she had believed that he was going to choose the path of light - in spite of his own nature, his own instinct. She had believed that he was going to choose her.  
  
Why?  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Phew, what could be the plausible reason? Tricky-tricky. Will SHE get it? Will he ASK her? What WILL happen?! Stay tuned, my friends, stay tuned! ;)  
  
I can't believe the feedback you guys keep drowning me in. Oh, don't get me wrong, it's "drowning" in the absolutely most fabulous way of the word! Thank you so much! Drench me, drench me! ;)  
  
Very warm and Easter-y thank yous to Night (Thanks a lot for liking it and...hope you'll find your patience...) ;), InfoGal (well, wow back! Thanks so much for that. *hugs back* !!!), Haley (aw, thank you, thank you. ;) Oh, nice!) :), charisma1525 (Thank you a thousand times over for wonderful thoughts! I'm so happy to read them!) :), Alyssa (Your review made me really laugh out loud, girl. But in a very happy, non-malicious way. ;) Thanks a lot. And NO! *grin*), Pine (*grinning widely* Oh, yes, I know that one. "She's all that" phase... ;) Thank you and well...and weeeelll....) :P, Heather (Oh-ho-ho, you'd better bet your ass I was kidding! If you don't bet at least that I just will make all your late night nightmares about Buffy and Riley without Spike come true on this paper! *lol*) ;), learyl (thanks for that and I'm happy to hear from you!) :), Ark (oh, thank you for devoting late hours to this. Very flattering. :) Thank you!), Charlie (hey. It's totally cool, you know that. But I'm always so happy to hear from ya! Thanks a loooot.) :), Annette (hey, thanks for that.) :), TheRealiz (oh, my. Well, thank you yourself for sharing your apprectiation for it with me. It makes me veeery happy! Great that you enjoy!) ;), Taz (haha, oh, yes, she really was. And thanks for that!) :), Callie (wow. Talk about slapping a grin over my face with this one. Really, really nice to read your feedback, and I'm SO happy you like it. I hope you still are... :) Also, wash with soap - totally. A given, even. Ouch, but yeah. You really lifted me with this! Thanks for taking the time and sharing your thoughts!) :), brey's master (hi and thanks so much! Great that you do so!) ;) and LizDarcy (oh, thank you my friend. Bummer they keep getting all screwed up! But thanks!) :) - you ALL just give me wings and I can't ever thank you enough for that! Yayyayyay!  
  
Okay, so - two chapter deal to make up for the fact of four days which will be chapterless. We're having guests here for Easter and so... I know, my fingers are already itching. Hopefully I will have a nice stash of reviews when I get back to the computer AND you'll have a nice, fresh chapter at the latest posted on Monday. This I dare to promise.  
  
Again with the Thank You and Happy Easter, everybody.  
  
All My Love, Annie. 


	22. Warrior to Warrior

*********************************TRApPeD************************************  
  
Twenty-Two: Warrior to Warrior  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-04-20  
  
****************************************************************************  
  
Day Fifteen.  
  
9. 46 p.m.  
  
What was this tremble of surprise?  
  
What was this murmur of objection?  
  
What in the name of anything sacred was this clear disappointment all about?  
  
She couldn't have thought that the fact of him actually saving her life, for a reason to which she still found herself standing in complete puzzlement, would automatically transform him from a devil into an angel. That one unselfish act would have him crave the taste so badly that it would have him turn from that bitter one of doing evil... God, she couldn't have thought that. Not even the tiniest part of her could have believed that!  
  
She couldn't... she just couldn't have hoped for it.  
  
She swiped at the tears pooling in her eyes from the anger burning in her heart. At whom it was directed she couldn't tell and the fact that there was so much these days that came out a blurred bit of some sort of emotion had her feel exhausted and even more infuriated.  
  
Confusion was a tiring companion - always one step ahead and dragging her along in its wake, desperate to catch up to it and try to cling to it, solve it, but always coming out the shaken looser.  
  
An alliance? With that? With something that would slaughter them all in their sleep if he only was free of his bonds? Had she seriously thought it?  
  
No.  
  
Now that she gave it a very close look she discarded the implication that she ever had. Pushed it away, as so many other things related to him... That. Darn.  
  
So why had he stepped in the other night? Why?! Why had he saved her? He had successfully convinced her that all he wanted was her dead - and some play in between the eye-for-an-eye and the stake-to-heart-fangs-to-neck bit. And now? What did he want? What did HE want? What did he really want?  
  
He was so frustrating that she just wanted to...!  
  
Scream. Cry it out. Beat it out of herself. Yes, all of those. But...she couldn't do any of them. Something held her back, and a large part of her was grateful. Grateful that the feelings stirred was somehow kept down, hushed and tucked away. She couldn't deal. It was like she had two animals within her, fighting a terrible battle and now and then she got scratched from the inside. She twitched, but didn't show it.  
  
So what should she do? What could she do? Go to him, talk with him, reason with him?  
  
She wanted to laugh.  
  
There was no reasoning with THAT! He said SHE was stubborn? He truly was a riot. And his brain was too small for that distasteful excuse for a head he had between his shoulders, that was for sure. Just thinking about him made her want to...!  
  
Take deep breaths, Buffy, she instructed calmingly. Deep, deep breaths.  
  
And she did, coming to a stop and wrapping her arms around herself she bowed her head and closed her eyes - concentrating on the inhaling, exhaling formula.  
  
Why couldn't he have let her die?  
  
He would've spared her this. Spared her the constant struggle with these questions circling and circling. They never grew bored in their tormenting of her. How she hated them. How she hated this whole situation.  
  
If they only hadn't been trapped in that basement this wouldn't have happened. It never would've come to this. Now the trap was slammed shut around her even though their prison had been taken away and she couldn't find her way out of it.  
  
Perhaps that's because you need HIS help, something pointed out and she grumbled, opening her eyes and tilting her head back to look up at the sky.  
  
No, I'm not going anywhere near him, she huffed, getting herself moving again. I can't do this anymore. It's breaking me in half... And I can't figure out why I...  
  
Oh. Please.  
  
"I won't listen to myself!" she muttered.  
  
Slowing down once more as she reached a small playground and walked onto it. She could almost sense the children's laughter, the happy moments experienced in that very spot - now it lay deserted, abandoned.  
  
"But never forgotten," she mumbled as she slid one finger over the cool steel of the swing-set.  
  
She closed her eyes again and leaned forward, putting her forehead against the place she had just touched and then moved her head to rest her cheek there.  
  
It was like a constant ache had been produced right beneath her skin from his fingertips as they slid over it, and now it called out for his touch, his caress... Her whole body longed, whispered to her, wanted her to forget everything else but what she knew she needed. Forget duties, forget what everybody else would think, forget the rumbling warning in the back of her head and just obey him, listen to the echo of his voice that she kept hearing in her mind - and give in.  
  
She pushed away and stood straight, opening her eyes and shaking her head.  
  
That's not how the world works, she told herself. You don't think there would be repercussions? Spike is not something you want crawling around in your bed. So let it go. Right now. Drop it and walk away. Do you hear?!  
  
She did, and she turned to prove that she did - beginning to walk again.  
  
He didn't want her. Not really. Just as she didn't really want him. Not all of him...  
  
But there is no 'all', it's almost ironic how he actually just stated that himself! He has no soul, Buffy. No soul, just a demon in there. A demon! And...  
  
"I know!" she exclaimed, running her hands through her hair. "He's nothing but a host," she mumbled, drawing a deep breath again. "His human form is nothing but a host."  
  
***  
  
10.14 p.m.  
  
The end of the line.  
  
Dead by the end of the week.  
  
That was how he had felt not very long ago and now...  
  
He huffed, bringing the bottle to his lips and taking a mouthful of whiskey before he sunk back in the armchair of his crypt. If he had only done way with her when he had the chance perhaps it never would've come to this. If something had pushed him on and he had taken her down, killed her - maybe this numbness inside would've died away with her. This maddening longing for her that had him on the third bottle for the evening.  
  
Then he would've been somewhere with Dru - as happy as that crazy bird ever made him and without any of the war going on inside of him. He would've been sure of who he was, and he never would've had to...  
  
But he wasn't.  
  
No, he didn't care that he had thrown her headfirst out of his reality, out of his world. What she was beginning to do to him - it wasn't right. It was something only she would have the warped mind to ever think of doing and...it wasn't right. He wouldn't try to pretend for her. Why should he pretend to be something he never would be again?  
  
Human.  
  
He closed his eyes.  
  
No, let her be happy with her little soldier boy. Let her have kiddies. Let her be alive. Let her be.  
  
He suddenly chuckled to himself, reaching up a hand and catching the tear that had somehow escaped his left eye. Bringing his index finger to rest before his eyes he shook his head to himself - still smirking.  
  
"Bloody enough of this," he muttered, putting the bottle down at his feet and then rising.  
  
He needed to get his mind off of her.  
  
So, to the Bronze it was.  
  
***  
  
10.38 p.m.  
  
She watched the crowd move. The rhythm didn't capture her, merely heightened her concentration as she could feel the hunger surrounding her. The sexual yearnings of couples grinding on the dance floor, the methodical search for an easy target from those predators stalking the room. She had already pinpointed three of them, but she knew there were two more. Soon she spotted one and she shook her head to herself.  
  
She had been doing this gig for what - four years now? And they still couldn't get passed the me-hungry-me-need-food stage to actually THINK before going out hunting on a turf so familiar to her. Well, not that she was complaining. Only went to show exactly how big of morons these beings actually were.  
  
Tingles traveled up her spine and she frowned as she turned her head to try and see him through the crowd. What was he doing there tonight of all nights? She had come here because she had been close to certain that this would be the last place he'd visit. Very close to almost certain, anyways. Well, there was her proof. She had no way of foretelling exactly how he thought, so how would she be able to trust him? Ever.  
  
Back to that again? You think he's here looking for you? Remember how your last encounter ended?  
  
Why was it that whenever she threw a final, very heavy and harsh good-bye- forever line she seemed to forget about it in an hour or so?  
  
Her eyes caught the shape of one of the vamps walking off with a won victim.  
  
"Time to reclaim it," she murmured, following as the two exited the Bronze through the back door.  
  
Stepping outside she brought out her stake, her gaze falling on the vampire about to sink teeth into flesh.  
  
"Hey!" Buffy said and it looked up with a jerk of the head. "You sure she kisses on the first date?" she added and her opponent shoved the girl away from it before it squared its shoulders.  
  
"Slayer," it grumbled.  
  
"Ah, got the talk," she nodded, taking a step forward as she added: "Let's see if you got the walk."  
  
It lashed out and she sidestepped it, putting her elbow in the nape of its neck and having it down on its knees.  
  
"Sorry to make this short," she apologized dryly, kicking her foot up and hitting its chin - making it fall backwards onto the ground, "but I can feel company closing in."  
  
She raised her arm and was about to bring it down when a strong hand grabbed her wrist and, in the surprise of the feeling, it was able to flip her over a muscular shoulder. She hit the asphalt with a low thud and bumped her head so hard that she saw stars. Blinking she quickly re-grouped and got to her feet.  
  
What is this - Slayer-takes-a-beating week?! she muttered in her mind as she turned around and faced the large vampire, it being the clear cause of the growing lump in the back of her head.  
  
"That's my brother," it said, pointing to the first vamp now rising to its feet and Buffy tilted her head slightly to one side as she blinked.  
  
"Really?" she asked. "Meet my associate," she then shot, pointing to the stake in her right hand and the vamp raised its eyebrows, unimpressed.  
  
"Come on, princess," it merely taunted. "I think you can give me a better introduction than that."  
  
She gave it a look and then took the challenge. Moving forward she kicked her leg out, hit the "brother" vamp over the nose as she went - wanting to keep it out of the game for at least a little while - and then her foot connected with big brother's chest. It took three steps back and then caught her arm as she moved it forward, once more grasping her wrist in a tight grip its yellow eyes met hers and she stared at the burning fury and triumph in those orbs before it yelled:  
  
"Now!"  
  
She just turned her head when something hard connected with her neck and the black came swiveling around her as she felt her control over her own limbs slowly slip away from her.  
  
"We heard about what our brother nearly managed to do to you the other night," she heard the vampire's voice hiss as its arms moved around her, holding her up. "Air - sucha big part of your world, sucha triviality when you're dead. I'll strangle you nice and slow, princess. Revenge for what you did to Merv."  
  
"She didn't do a sodding thing to 'Merv'," Buffy now heard an angel sent voice reply and she felt her whole body start to fall back on auto pilot as it deemed itself safe.  
  
The following was nothing but a mess. She hit the ground again; this time she came to lie on her side, and she began to come to just a few seconds later though her head wouldn't let her see straight for another fifteen of those. Once she felt her strength had returned she rolled over onto her back and turned her head to see Spike kick the big brother demon in the side of the head. She blinked, swallowed, then got to her feet.  
  
There were two more, seemingly standing down for the time being. Cowards.  
  
Suddenly two hands grabbed her upper arms and pulled them back behind her. She frowned, tried to throw her head back so that she could fend the vampire off, failed and instead decided on raw violence. Moving her right leg back and around the vampire's leg she turned around fast, getting herself out of its grip before bringing it to the ground by swiping its legs out from under it.  
  
No time for punning, reaching out she grabbed a conveniently nearby lying and broken off piece of wood - since she couldn't spot her own stake anywhere - and then rammed it through the demon's heart.  
  
Turning from the cloud of dust she moved up to where Spike was still fighting big brother and made eye contact with one of the other two. They both shared a glance and then moved around the bleached and the big to confront her.  
  
She took the blow of the first, ducked as it tried to deliver a second and then put the wood through its chest. The baffled expression on its face made her shake her head at it. Then she was suddenly pushed to the ground with such force that she wasn't sure she didn't break anything. Her ribs sent out flashes of pain as she practically hit the asphalt with them first, to then go sliding a few feet on top of that.  
  
She swirled around onto her back just as big brother towered over her.  
  
Her mind screaming "Where's Spike?" and her heart going a thousand beats per second as the hostile vampire leaned forward, its eyes still bearing the glow of anger and disgust.  
  
"You will die, Slayer," it hissed.  
  
Then it let hear a growl of pain before it disintegrated into ashes as well.  
  
"But not tonight," Spike said, eyes on the remains of his kill before he slowly lowered them into hers.  
  
She tried to calm her breathing, but that had been close. Again. And the adrenaline let her know just how hard she had just fought for her life. And again...if he hadn't... She furrowed her brow, looking up at him questioningly.  
  
He bit his jaws together, then moved his left hand forward and reached her stake out to her.  
  
She moved her gaze out of his to rest it on her weapon. Slowly she then moved her left hand to take it and as she did she turned her eyes to meet his again, her expression once more wondering. He offered his right hand to her and she hesitated, then put her own in his and with his help she pulled herself to her feet.  
  
They eyed each other in tight silence for a long minute and then he asked:  
  
"Dare I?"  
  
She cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"You said if I even DARED to sodding talk to you..." he murmured and she interrupted him with:  
  
"I know what I said."  
  
He observed her again and she did the same.  
  
"I thought YOU said it wouldn't work," she then remarked and he nodded.  
  
"I'm bloody right too," he replied. "It really won't."  
  
"Thought you agreed that we're too resentful towards one another for this to EVER work," she continued and he lifted one shoulder in a shrug. "I don't trust you," she stated and he smirked, bringing out a cigarette and placing it in one corner of his mouth before producing a flame with his lighter, which he had also retrieved.  
  
"You think I bloody trust YOU, love?" he retorted and she gave him a look.  
  
"Without trust... how can we have a relationship?" she asked and once more he arched one eyebrow, putting the lighter back in his duster as his smirk widened slightly and she rolled her eyes at him. "I mean - a partnership," she corrected, only that made the smirk grow into a meaningful grin and she glared at him. "Shut up," she muttered and he snickered, taking the fag from its place and exhaling the smoke slowly as he watched her.  
  
"Not saying a buggering thing," he then assured. "But I think you'd better talk, pet," he added and she raised her eyebrows. "What's this side- choosing thing, and why now? For YOU to want ME on YOUR bloody team..."  
  
"Hey, I never said I WANTED you on my team," she disagreed and he tilted his head to one side, making her cross her arms over her chest before he continued:  
  
"I bet you have a sodding mind-blowing reason."  
  
For just a split second he could have sworn her gaze graced his lips, but then it was in his again and she nodded.  
  
"I do. I just don't feel like discussing that out here," she replied and he looked around them before giving her a quizzical look.  
  
"Not comfy enough for you?" he inquired teasingly and she gave him an impatient scowl which had him smirking again. "Okay, so you wanna go back inside? Share a pint? Talk strategy?" he added and she shook her head at him.  
  
"This isn't going to be easy on you, you know?" she asked and now he let his eyebrows rise as he looked at her. "You'll answer to me, you do realize that, don't you?"  
  
"I'll answer to ME," he stated. "You'll just get to listen in on what I'm spilling."  
  
She eyed him and then sighed, turning from him and beginning to walk out of the alley. He followed.  
  
"This will never work," she muttered.  
  
"That IS what we've been saying, yeah," he nodded, coming up to stroll by her side.  
  
"I'm crazy. What am I thinking?!" she grumbled, shaking her head again and he smiled slightly.  
  
"Fight-big-sodding-threat-thing-and-come-out-standing?" he then wondered and she stopped, turning to him. "Or...only-with-a-limp-at-least?" he tried and she bit her jaws together hard not to let herself actually smile over that.  
  
"You listen," she then said. "I don't like this any more than you do, so let's make it easy for the both of us. I'll contact you when I need information, and the rest of the time we'll just stay the hell away from each other."  
  
Turning she took a step forward, then stopped herself and turned back to him.  
  
"And by the way - what the hell is this saving-my-life business all about?!" she demanded and his eyes grew a bit round at that.  
  
"Rather be dead then?" he wondered, face extremely serious and voice extremely understanding and she wanted to stomp down hard on his toes just to make him understand that she needed him to listen and not come with these idiotic inputs.  
  
"Twice!" she exclaimed and he smiled a little, throwing the stump of what was left of the cigarette to the ground and crushing it with one booted heel before saying:  
  
"I guess being with you had some sorta profound impact on me."  
  
She closed her eyes, but he could still see the twitch in either corner of her mouth and his own smile widened at the sight.  
  
"Buffy," he then said and she opened her eyes again. "You have to tell me everything. And I'm officially at bloody war with the demonic world as of now - so even if there is no trust there'd better be some sorta code of sodding honor or whatever between us from this moment on..."  
  
She met his gaze for a few moments, held it, and then nodded slowly.  
  
"Warrior to warrior," she said, reaching out her right hand and he grabbed it around the wrist with his own, having her do the same to him.  
  
"Warrior to warrior," he murmured with a small nod.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
I'm so glad you liked those chapters! Really hope you enjoyed this as well! Oh, it's more than wonderful to read your thoughts - your support is key! Thank you!  
  
Very special thanks to brey's master (I just didn't go there and hope this tasted well too) ;), Faith (*grin*), msu (luved the bunny!) ;), Shaelune ( *smile*), Heather (*lol* and of course) :), Juliya (*smile*), Ape18 (aw! And I dunno where the ideas come from...they're just there to be found, I guess...) ;), Ark (*wide grin*!) ;), Pine (hehe, luv it when you are. Talkative. Thanks a lot!) ;), Mary (apology's very much accepted, it's great to hear from you now... Thank you for those wonderful compliments!) :), Rachel (*smile*), Taz (*hug to you*) ;), Vanessa (merci! ;) Je suis...very happy about that!) ;), Von (*muahahahha*) ;P, Dees (thanks for that!) :), Renee' (it's cool, and great you like!) :), ship (*hug*!), Johanna (Thanks a lot for that and honestly, I have no idea how long this is gonna get...!) ;), VampiresKiss (*smile to that*) :) and charisma1525 (hehe, good to plant thoughts! Thanks, girl.)  
  
Thanks a whole bunch to ALL of you and I hope Easter was good. Mine really was. :) And I hooooope you're still liking, enjoying, approving! ;)  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	23. On the Surface

*********************************TRApPeD************************************  
  
Twenty-three: On the Surface  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-04-21  
  
****************************************************************************  
  
Day Sixteen.  
  
11.38 p.m.  
  
"Buffy!" Spike yelled and she turned around just as the second last standing vampire of the nest the Slayer and the Vamp had been cleaning out attacked.  
  
Spike put his fist to the jaw of the last of the vamps and glanced over at Buffy to see how she chose to meet her opponent.  
  
She ducked, put a hook of her right hand into its stomach, straightened her back as it tried to recoil and caught it by the neck. Pulling her arm back before moving it forward she pushed the vampire hard and made it fly six feet into the facing wall of the condemned building.  
  
She brought her stake out at the exact same time Spike did and they shared a brief look before they took care of business.  
  
She had to admit that she was amazed over how well they actually fought together. The efficiency with which the patrolling had gone by during the evening had been truly astounding, and he had helped her in more ways than one. She very reluctantly admitted to the fact of his presence sort of putting her own concentration on its tip - since she didn't want him to be able to gloat at being faster or better in any way.  
  
Childish? Did she know it!  
  
But she simply couldn't shake the thought of how much more experience he had over her, what skill didn't he possess? Watching him fight was pure art, and she had seen her share of violence to be able to tell the difference between accuracy and mere punching. She was no amateur, no rookie, and she was able to hold her own... Still she could feel the spoken competitiveness hanging in the air between them and it spurred her on.  
  
Actually - it was kind of fun. Though that she didn't admit.  
  
Now they faced each other and she looked around the empty room. Five vamps had been taken down, three girls had been saved, a nest had been destroyed, and Spike had been right there through the whole ordeal.  
  
She turned her eyes in his, a smile splitting her face which had a shiver of scurrying pleasure run up his spine to branch out over his shoulders. He had never seen that expression on her face around him before.  
  
"Good fight," she commended, nodding as she took another look around the room. "Good fight."  
  
He smirked, observing her for a few seconds.  
  
They had had a rather short talk the night before. Short simply because there wasn't much she had to tell him about this Adam character - and once she had told him what there was to know she had seemed very eager to get going. He hadn't wanted to stop her. How exactly they had come to patrol together was an entirely different matter.  
  
The information about the nest had pretty much fallen into his lap - after a few well-wasted dollars on the blabber-mouth of Willy - and so he couldn't very well keep the information from the Slayer, now could he? No, 'cause that'd be backing out of their agreement. So, he had happened to stumble across her as she left the dorm for that nights "taking a stroll with sharp objects tucked into every pocket", and he had SHARED the information with her, as agreed.  
  
Why the bleeding hell she had pretty much told him to tag along he had no sodding clue to - but he had obliged. Probably she had wanted him to because she wanted to make sure it wasn't a trap of some sort... Well, here they were. No trap in sight. And they had just finished their first fight - together.  
  
"Guess THIS part of the whole partnership thing just might work after all," she remarked, smile still on as she caught her breath - her chest heaving heavily.  
  
His smirk widened and the clear glitter in the corners of his eyes made her blink and then square her shoulders as she started toward the door. Stopping in the doorway she turned back to him, giving him a meaningful look as she gestured for him to follow, saying:  
  
"Come on - time's a wasting."  
  
He watched her disappear out into the hallway and then let the smirk rip into a wide smile. Suppressing the low chuckle wanting to rise he then slowly followed. He really disliked the fact - but her side, bathing in her light... might actually have its share of his kind of good. He had this sickening need to grin whenever he looked at her and he felt like an idiot! Still, the way she made him feel... it was undeniable. It frightened him to the core, yet a large part was tentatively embracing it. There was no use doing anything else, he supposed - though another part of him cried for mercy, told that this just was not fair.  
  
"So," he now said, leaning against the doorpost as he could rest his eyes on her again. "Where to now?"  
  
She turned to him, raising her eyebrows.  
  
"You letting me lead?" she wondered, fake-surprise in her tone and he smirked again.  
  
"I am but a humble observer of your every-night activities," he replied with a small bow of the head and she smiled again, though this time it was tentative and she removed her gaze from his as she seemingly grew self- conscious.  
  
"All right," she mumbled. "It's mostly walking."  
  
"So lets walk," he said, moving out of the doorway and passed her - giving her a look as he went and she hesitated.  
  
There was something else hanging there along with the competitiveness, and she didn't even dare look at it. It was too strange a feeling. To have him this close, on arm's length, and still not want to pull her hair out with irritation or claw his eyes out or something! It was still and quiet - the annoyance.  
  
Soon it will reveal its ugly head, she assured herself as she followed him out through the broken front door of the building. There is no way he won't say SOMETHING to get on my nerves.  
  
They began to walk across the short stretch of lawn leading to the sidewalk. Reaching the latter they kept moving down the street. She glanced at him, he glanced back and they faced forward again.  
  
"Haven't seen soldier boy around for a while. Something rocking the love boat?" he broke the silence and she rolled her eyes.  
  
Here's ugly.  
  
"Can't you just for once refrain from asking me about my personal life?" she inquired and he made a clicking noise with his tongue as he shook his head.  
  
"Oh," he then merely said and she stopped, putting her hands at her hips and her eyes growing into a WHAT?!-expression that made him tilt his head slightly to one side. "Nothing. Just... Did he jump ship? Was it your fault? I dunno if you know this about yourself, love, but you can be pretty bloody demanding. I wouldn't blame him if he bailed."  
  
Her fist connected with his cheek and his head bopped to the side. He moved his jaw as he straightened his posture again.  
  
"You wanna catch a glimpse of the inside of me you'll have to carve me open with a 'very dull knife'," she shot and he arched his scarred eyebrow.  
  
"Good memory," he muttered and she smiled sourly before turning from him and picking up the walking again. "Nice night we're having, ain't it?" he asked as he followed, coming up to keep her pace at her side. "The stars are out... Moon too. I wonder if..."  
  
"He's sick, okay?" she interrupted, aggravated. "He's with the Initiative. They're taking care of him... They're telling me he's doing fine, so..."  
  
She trailed off and Spike watched her face closely for a few seconds before he frowned slightly.  
  
"You're not worried?" he asked and she turned her head to meet his gaze, both of them coming to a slow stop.  
  
"I've seen these guys in action," she replied. "They may be something else than what they want me to believe - but when it comes to one of their own they take care of him. No matter what, I'm sure that Riley's safe down there. And they'll make him well again."  
  
"Mh, to come back up and join with you," Spike said and she stared into that blueness of his eyes thinking she could see a twitch of something in it.  
  
The moment passed, he turned from her and they started walking again. Their pace was down to a very slow stroll, but neither one of them really seemed aware of that.  
  
Spike wanted to beat back the annoyance he felt with the sodding git. He wished he could've gotten rid of him once and for all - but then another voice spoke louder, saying that had he done that he would have alienated himself from Buffy for all time.  
  
"Oh, I didn't tell you!" she suddenly said and he raised his eyebrows, looking at her again. "That thing in your head - it's a chip."  
  
He furrowed his brow now.  
  
"A bloody whatta?" he asked and a small smile graced her lips as she nodded.  
  
"Exactly. It's a 'sophisticated piece of modern science designed to control the behavior patterns of H.S.T's' - that'd be you - 'and render them harmless as little pussycats, making them want to leapleapleap through fields of daffodils singing songs of happiness and joy for everyone'," she answered and his eyes had been widening from the first sentence, now he gave her a look and she smirked. "Okay, so that last part was kinda my edition."  
  
"Funny, Slayer," he muttered. "So... a chip. Great. That should be easier than a heavy duty sodding spell on my neck. I'll just go down there and make them take it the bleeding hell out."  
  
As he made as though he was going to follow up on that statement straight away she grabbed the leather of his duster and made him halt.  
  
"Woah there," she said, making him face her. "Right now we're more or less at silent war with those guys in the same way we're at loud and bang-y war with the demons... Though I've always been that, but you know what I mean. You can't go down there, smart-ass, 'cause they'll just catch you and put you in a cage. Now, is that what you want?"  
  
"Oh, don't sound so bloody cocky," he grumbled and she let him go, suppressing the smile at his grouchiness.  
  
"For now we'll concentrate on Adam," she replied.  
  
"Fine," he muttered.  
  
"You know, if you really wanna do this with me then I can't STAND this negative attitude. You need to change it straight away or I'll have to send you home," she remarked and he cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"Am I 'with' you, then?" he asked and she swallowed hard.  
  
"Well, that wasn't really how I meant to... In a way I guess that... How I phrased it wasn't like that... It sounded different in my head," she stuttered and he smiled a small smile.  
  
"Really? How did it sound in your head?" he wondered and she glared at him, making the smile broaden slightly. "So, when IS soldier boy back on his feet and in the game?"  
  
"I don't know," she shrugged. "Soon, I hope. Why are YOU so interested?"  
  
"No reason really. I was just wondering if he'd take too bloody kindly to me and you spending quality time together, that's all," he answered her and she raised her eyebrows.  
  
"I wouldn't call it quality time," she disagreed and he smirked at that.  
  
"Then what would you call it?"  
  
"Do you ALWAYS reply to an answer with that answer as a question?" she asked, irritated, and he tilted his head to one side as he nodded.  
  
"Always," he assured and she tried to make her smile as sarcastic as possible as she couldn't hold it back anymore.  
  
They turned onto a different street and she wanted to change the subject, but wasn't sure to which subject she was willing to jump.  
  
"Perhaps," she spoke now, "we should just not say anything at all. Keep the focus on the job at hand and all that?" she added and he cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"Right, 'cause you always keep your mouth shut while you're in the middle of a sodding slay and so keeping it even more tightly closed BEFORE one should just really help your bloody concentration," he nodded and the irony in his voice made her give him a look to just take the thought to heart and be quiet.  
  
They both were, for about thirty seconds - and then Buffy said:  
  
"It's not like I do speeches while I slay."  
  
Spike smirked and rolled his eyes at her. How had he been able to know that this would be coming, sooner than later?  
  
"I didn't say you did," he replied.  
  
"And it's not like they seem to mind it," she continued and at that his smirk widened considerably.  
  
"So, if one of the vamps stopped the fight and said 'Bloody hell, Slayer, I do believe your constant yapping is getting on my about-to-be-no-more nerves. Could you put a buggering sock in it and let me die in peace?' - then you'd do as it asked?" he inquired and her eyebrows rose slightly.  
  
Then she shrugged.  
  
"I dunno," she answered him. "That's never happened."  
  
"I'll get the word out," he promised and she looked up at him. "Or would that be in bloody violation of the contract?" he added at the questioning look in her eyes and she shook her head.  
  
"No... And there IS no contract," she replied and he observed her for a few seconds before he asked:  
  
"What ARE the terms, really? You were kinda fuzzy on those last night."  
  
She stopped and he did as well, facing her and waiting for her to answer him.  
  
Buffy wasn't entirely sure what to tell him. It had all happened so suddenly... One hour they had been screaming good-bye and the next they had been shaking hands on trying something else on for a while.  
  
This.  
  
It was very strange to look at him and not feel like she needed to fret over what he was planning. She knew she couldn't just relax around him, if she ever would be able to, and still her instincts told her that he hadn't saved her life just for show. It made her ask the question she had been repeating the day before: what did he want? What did he want with her?  
  
Perhaps this WAS part of some master plan...  
  
No. It really was so weird, but those thoughts were simply shut down right before they gained any real wind in their sails. There was a new feeling to him that she couldn't put her finger on... but she could sense it.  
  
So...the terms. The terms for this. What were they?  
  
"I just don't want you to play both sides," she slowly stated and he arched his scarred eyebrow as he rested his eyes in hers. "I don't wanna find out, when all's said and done, that you acted like some sorta spy for Adam..."  
  
"You won't," he reassured and something slowly twirled in the pit of her stomach as he held her gaze.  
  
He almost wanted to add a "trust me", but refrained since he knew it would do him no good. She would never trust him. He seemed to be constantly torn in two these days where one part pointed out: why the hell should he bind himself to her when she so clearly was waiting for him to screw it up? And the other part replied: why the bloody hell should he screw it up, if that was so clearly what she was waiting for?  
  
A very huge chunk of him still refused to see that he was becoming someone else, slowly but surely, and this chunk of him kept sending a devil to sit on his shoulder and whisper of all the fun things he could do if he just let himself go again. The angel on his opposite shoulder was tiny, and its voice was squeaky, but it was there and it was defiant. It told him to trust what he knew was resting within his heart now. His love for the girl before him was going to be his burden and his wings - the angel promised.  
  
He had always wanted to fly, ever since he was a young boy running up and down the cobble stone streets of London - so, was he going to throw his one chance at that away?  
  
Suddenly his hand moved on its own and reached up to gently grace her left cheek with its touch. Her eyes grew slightly.  
  
She had been trying to read whatever he was thinking in his gaze. He had seemed so lost in his own musings that she wished she had that spell to read minds so that she could've read his. Though she wouldn't have been able to, she realized. She couldn't read Angel's, now could she? But the way the two blue eyes, which were still holding hers relentlessly, were growing into an expression she had never seen in them before made her heart begin to race as she stared into them.  
  
Warmth.  
  
And then his touch, soft against her cheek as his fingers lightly brushed into the nearby locks of blonde by her face. His thumb gliding slowly over her skin and she blinked, frowning. Wondering what he thought he was doing and then with a pang something emerged from the far corners of her memory banks.  
  
Her voice saying 'I'm in love'.  
  
And his stating 'So am I'.  
  
She had trouble breathing. Taking a step back and away from his hand she turned from him and took yet another few steps out of his closest vicinity. That dream... It couldn't have been a Slayer dream. WHY would she have a Slayer dream about something so personal? Or not personal per say, Spike wasn't "personal", he was... He was just...  
  
"Buffy," he mumbled and she clenched her jaws together as she turned back to him.  
  
"Another term?" she wondered and he looked at her, quizzical. "If we need a no-touching-what-so-ever term then I'll throw it in there without any hesitation," she elaborated and he watched her face, her eyes and the not so calm expression in them.  
  
"Buffy," he repeated and she shook her head.  
  
"I mean it," she said and he smiled a very small smile.  
  
"No, you don't," he replied and she swallowed.  
  
"What do you want?" she finally spoke the question out loud. "What do you want from me?"  
  
He hesitated. His mind processing the different facets of this situation and then choosing one of the easier ones as he answered with:  
  
"Nothing less than what you want from me."  
  
Then make me, her mind whispered. Then make me be in your arms 'cause I've been freezing ever since I left them behind.  
  
"I want your skill, I want your fists and I want your whole mind put into the battle we're in the middle of," she replied, though her voice wavered and he could hear it very well. "Nothing else," she then added and he nodded slowly.  
  
"Then that's what you'll have," he replied.  
  
She ignored the tug to walk back up to him, she brushed aside the whirl of emotions set in motion by one measly little caress and then she turned from him to start the walking again.  
  
Just tell him that he should cover another part of town, she told herself. Just split the two of you up!  
  
But - she didn't.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Thanks to ALL of you who have reviewed and sorry that - according to my book, at least - this chapter is one day late, I have been bu-hu-sy. Hope you'll forgive! :) And hope you enjoyed this chapter as well!  
  
Very special and extremely warm thanks to Haley (for all THREE!!!) :), Von, Heather, Captain, Shaelune, Carol, Renee', Mel, Sailor of Fire and TheRealiz - thanks a whole whole LOT for wonderful encouragement and for taking the time out to drop it by! I really appreciate that, and I hope that you know that by now! ;)  
  
Until next time...  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	24. As It Grows

*********************************TRApPeD************************************  
  
Twenty-Four: As It Grows  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-04-24  
  
****************************************************************************  
  
Day Seventeen.  
  
9.42 a.m.  
  
Buffy woke slowly. Stretching she yawned and then Willow's voice made her open her eyes fully to look over at her friend, who was sitting on her own bed brushing her hair.  
  
"You were out late last night," she said and Buffy nodded a little, pulling herself up to sit with her back leaned against the headboard. "Any Adam sightings?" Willow added and the latter shook her head as a response. "What time DID you get back?"  
  
"Oh... I'm not sure," Buffy answered, throwing her covers off and getting to her feet. "Patrolling kinda dragged time out, you know? You get to that point where you're not sure if it's night or morning anymore."  
  
Willow smiled hesitantly.  
  
"Right," she agreed. "Buffy... Is there something you wanna tell me?"  
  
A chill of surprise iced the Slayer's back and then she shrugged it off impatiently. Willow was her best friend, she wouldn't hold the formers socializing with Spike against her. Buffy felt foolish for even having an ounce of worry, for such a thing to occur, within her. And so she faced the redhead with the decision to tell her everything that had happened... Well, practically everything - minus a few more intimate details.  
  
"I saw you," Willow said before Buffy had a chance to open her mouth and speak, and the latter turned into an ashy shade of white at the hurt expression on Willow's face. "Last night I saw you."  
  
"What?" Buffy wondered slowly, her head filling with cotton. "Who?"  
  
"You," Willow replied. "And Spike."  
  
Buffy swallowed.  
  
"What were you doing out by yourself?" she then asked and Willow rolled her eyes before shaking her head, getting to her feet as well.  
  
"This isn't about MY safety, it's about YOURS. What were you doing with him?" she demanded and Buffy felt the cotton swell, her thoughts fighting for air, she couldn't find them or make them move to her mouth in order to be spoken. "Buffy," Willow tried, voice filled with concern, "what really happened in that basement? Please, tell me. Don't you trust me?"  
  
Buffy's eyes grew at that.  
  
"Of course I trust you, Will!" she then answered, walking up to her and taking her hands. "It's not... I just don't know how to explain," she added and Willow furrowed her brow.  
  
"'Explain' what?" she wondered and Buffy bit her jaws together before motioning for them to have a seat on Willow's bed.  
  
They did and Buffy tried to collect herself. Pressing the cotton down she regained some control over her mind and she took a breath to ease the pain from the heaviness with which her heart was beating. Looking up she met Willow's gaze and then she said:  
  
"We've come to sort of an understanding," and Willow's eyebrows rose. Buffy continued: "Spike's gonna help me...us..."  
  
"Why?!" Willow exclaimed, voice filled with the surprise clear on her face and Buffy smiled slightly.  
  
"Frankly... I don't know," she then replied.  
  
Because he can't be feeling something that he really shouldn't be feeling, she instructed herself for the thousandth time since he and her had parted at half past four that morning, and for the three-thousandth time since he had touched her the way he had when they were still on patrol.  
  
The hours had floated by quietly enough. They had gone to Willy's - now unnecessarily renamed Willy's Place, or so Buffy thought since a coat of paint and French waiters still wouldn't be enough to make that shack "classy" - and gotten some more information out of him. No more saves, but quite a few slays and another nest cleared out. Spike had proven himself to her. He had been fast and strong and original. Flexible when he needed to be and actually they made a pretty good team.  
  
Team? Buffy. No.  
  
But...yes.  
  
And he was...different, somehow. The attitude was still there, that was for sure. But...  
  
Derailing that train of thought she remembered where she was and with whom she was having a conversation that was pretty important and so she brought herself back into present time, looking at Willow who was waiting for an elaboration of the Slayer's former statement.  
  
"I know he's not trustworthy, and I really do NOT trust him... But a few nights ago he saved my life; and then, two nights ago, he did it again," she now said and at that Willow's eyes grew round.  
  
"He SAVED you? I didn't think that would be possible when it came to him. He's always seemed so...grr," the redhead stated and Buffy smiled wider at that before she nodded.  
  
"Tell me about it! I was more than shocked and...actually he hasn't really given me an answer to why he did it yet," she then muttered thoughtfully. "But anyways, I told him to choose a side a few days ago 'cause this whole thing with Adam had me so thrown - and two nights ago he did. And he chose ours."  
  
"But, Buffy, this is Spike we're dealing with here... And if you can't trust him...?"  
  
"No, I know," Buffy interrupted. "But we agreed that we'd have this code of honor thing-y, and that was HIS idea 'cause he doesn't wanna stand by me without any assurance, you know?"  
  
Willow looked clearly skeptical.  
  
"'Code of honor'?" she then asked and Buffy smirked.  
  
"I know, sounds all James Bond meets... whatever great war-movie that's out there, but I believe in it," she replied.  
  
Willow blinked, then frowned.  
  
"So, you trust him to hold up his end of the bargain?" she inquired and Buffy paused, then shook her head.  
  
"No, it's not like that," she assured.  
  
"Then what's it like? I wanna get with the program here, but what are you saying? He's a Scoob?" Willow wondered and Buffy shook her head violently at that.  
  
"No, not a Scoob - he's just a string of information ready to be milked at any time. And if anyone can - HE'LL be the one who's gonna be able to get close to Adam," she then stated and Willow grew wondering. "If the time should present itself," Buffy added and Willow furrowed her brow.  
  
"So, you're just using him?" she asked and Buffy shrugged.  
  
"Hey, he's using me," she replied. "There's just a buncha rolled up usage going on between the two of us," she added, rising to her feet and into another stretch before relaxing with a huff. "Have you eaten breakfast?" she asked, looking over her shoulder as she walked up to her closet to pick out an outfit for the day.  
  
"No, I haven't gotten around to it," Willow replied. "But, this with Spike... He's not gonna hang around with you - or us - is he?"  
  
Buffy shook her head, grabbing a brown sweater off its shelf and holding it up.  
  
"Nope, Wills. No hanging whatsoever," she assured, throwing the sweater on her bed and grabbing a pair of black jeans to go with it.  
  
"And you're not gonna hang around...him?" she asked and Buffy stopped what she was doing - which was pulling her pajama top over her head - to stare at her friend.  
  
"I BEG your pardon?" she then grumbled, finishing the pulling and tossing the fabric aside as she grabbed the sweater.  
  
"Well, from what I saw last night... I dunno, you seemed... friendly," Willow mumbled tentatively and Buffy raised her eyebrows before she smiled incredulously.  
  
"Friendly? Spike? ME? Are you sure it was US you saw 'cause I can promise you - whenever we're in too close proximity of one another sparks fly," she then answered and Willow narrowed her eyes at that statement. Buffy realized how she had phrased it about two seconds later and hurriedly added: "I mean that as in sparks from hell and filled with rage and lust to...kill. Each other, mostly! And bad, bad things happen... from the sparks."  
  
"From hell," Willow filled in helpfully and Buffy smiled a small smile at that, then nodded.  
  
"Right," she said and Willow returned her smile.  
  
"Right," she then agreed silently.  
  
***  
  
6.33 p.m.  
  
He felt nervous.  
  
It was crazy - but that was how he felt as he waited for her, located beneath a big oak in the same cemetery hosting his crypt.  
  
He had tried to pace the emotion out of him, but that didn't work; merely encouraged it to grow. Then he had decided on standing as still as possible being the better solution; but that had also been a mistake. As he began to grow fidgety and unsure of what to do with his hands he had just about turned and given to whole thing up, but then her voice had spoken his name and made him stay where he was, turning his head to look at her as she approached him.  
  
"Here," she said, handing him a handful of stakes - three, to be exact - and then continuing passed him.  
  
"What - no bloody wrapping? You sure do know how to take the fun outta it," he muttered with a touch of wryness and she moved her head to give him a look over her shoulder.  
  
He merely smirked.  
  
"We need to get going," she stated, picking up her pace and he followed, coming up to walk beside her.  
  
"And where to?" he asked, tucking the weapons into the right hand pocket of the duster.  
  
"I don't know," she snapped. "Just...somewhere. Everywhere."  
  
"Me thinkest me hearest a touch of-..."  
  
"Look," she interrupted, stopping and turning to him with a face very much drained from its last drops of patience, "I've barely slept in three days... I'm entitled the mood I'm in right now, okay? And that mood clearly lets me know just how little I wanna listen to your constant..."  
  
"Blathering? Blabbering? Yammering? Yada-yada? ...-ing?" he filled in and she rolled her eyes to the sky. "So why did you wanna meet up?" he wondered as she got going again, and he did as well.  
  
"I didn't WANT to, but I HAD to," she grumbled.  
  
"Oh, right, you HAD to," he nodded, making her look at him again. "Well, I'm sorry, pet, but since when did you EVER 'have' to have me as company on one of your bloody field trips?"  
  
She glared at him, realizing that she had no good response to that.  
  
"Is it MY fault you proved so useful?" she asked and the lingering smirk widened.  
  
"Was that supposed to be an insult?" he shot and she met his gaze for a few moments, then cleared her throat and looked away.  
  
"Adam's been on a killing rampage ever since he broke free of the Initiative's lame-ass straps. He's merciless and cruel and I wanna put an end to it," she said now, meeting the blue with her green and seeing how the former seemed to come to be hit with just how serious she was. "Tonight," she finished.  
  
"If any of what you've told me is true," he now replied, "you can't really say that you think you're gonna be able to just sodding blow him outta the water."  
  
"No," she admitted. "That's why I need you."  
  
He stopped, tilting his head questioningly to one side as he eyed her for a few moments.  
  
"For what?" he asked.  
  
"Adam's gonna contact you," she answered him. "I hope," she added, causing him to smile a little before she continued. "I'm just betting he will, sooner or later, run into you and then..."  
  
She trailed off, looking up at this vampire before her, this form of a man with his eyes so searching, and suddenly she realized this might just get him killed. Well, more killed. The thought made her feel so uncomfortable she almost wanted to crawl out of her own skin.  
  
Using him, remember?!  
  
Right. Using. Just as he was her.  
  
"Then?" he now wondered and she brought herself out of her thoughts in the next instant.  
  
"Then you'll make him trust you and... I dunno, I haven't PLANNED the whole thing; we'll just have to take it one step at a time and hopefully everything 'll run smooth enough," she replied with as much nonchalance as she could.  
  
It seemed to be a tad too much since he raised his eyebrows before asking:  
  
"Hopefully? What if it sodding blows up in my face? I take it you won't be close enough to even feel the bloody after-shock!"  
  
She licked her lips, putting a hand up by her forehead and rubbing it tiredly, trying to get her mind cleared. What had she just said to him that made him have this explosion? She needed to sit down, or lean against something, or...  
  
His arms caught her and steadied her when she stumbled to the side. She closed her eyes, battling back the sleep-deprivation and the constant tearing on her nerves from this never seizing worrying. That child, the little boy that had died... He was still haunting her and she felt so powerless.  
  
"You need to go home," Spike's voice simmered through her heavy thoughts. "Get some sleep, love."  
  
"I can't!" she whined, looking up at him with the fatigue painting her gaze and sketching her features. "I can't, Spike! That's just it. I can't sleep. I have to find him, kill him.get him outta my head!"  
  
"Shh," he mumbled softly. "Listen to me," he added, making her meet his gaze steadily before he continued: "You WILL find him, don't you bloody worry about it..." He stared down at her, taken by the sudden frailty on her. "'Cause you will," he mumbled. "I know you will..."  
  
Dreadfully close. That was what he was. He reminded her of all the candy- covered delights he could do to her, invoke within her...with his hands...and those lips...  
  
Her own hands had been clasping his lower arms, finding her balance thanks to them, but now they slowly moved a few inches up over the leather of his duster and her eyes grew slightly as her feet took the small step dividing their bodies. Her eyes didn't leave his as their faces drifted closer to the other, and then she let her eyelids shut out the rest of the world.  
  
The sound of a creaking rope made them both come back from the place they had almost been taken and they looked at each other for a second before they slowly turned their heads to it. Buffy's eyes widened at the sight of the strung up and gutted demon hanging in the tree to her right.  
  
"Holy crap," she murmured.  
  
"You can bloody well say that again," Spike breathed.  
  
"Holy. Crap," she repeated and they let each other go for ogling the mess before them.  
  
"Still tired?" Spike asked and Buffy shook her head. "Adam?" he then wondered and she turned her head to him before she answered:  
  
"It's what he did to the boy."  
  
Ten minutes later they stopped before the stairs leading down to the back door of Xander's basement. Buffy seemed to grow hesitant and Spike turned to her with a questioning gaze.  
  
"Want me to leave?" he asked.  
  
Her eyes grew. The surprise he caused her was evident on her face in the pale light of the moon and he clenched his jaws together. Stupid, stupid move.  
  
"I mean - I bloody well won't!" he added and she blinked, raising her eyebrows slightly and he sighed. "Too late for that save?" he wondered and she suddenly smiled.  
  
"Just a bit," she then nodded and he returned the smile before they both grew rather uncomfortable and made the show of something so unlike them vanish. "Spike, why do you...?" she began and then the door opened below and Xander poked his head out.  
  
His eyes widened slightly at the sight of the vampire and then he moved his arm, throwing what he had in his hand in a surprisingly well aimed bow to hit the fiend right in the forehead.  
  
"Ao, bloody HELL!" Spike exclaimed, putting a hand up by the spot and rubbing it as he turned two furious eyes on the mortal. "Are you bleeding mental?!"  
  
"No, I was TRYING to hit your heart. Gosh darn it, I missed," Xander replied sarcastically.  
  
Buffy struggled to keep the laughter back, but she couldn't restrain the smile and she tried to hide it from the bleached blonde in front of her the best she could as she turned to face Xander.  
  
"WHAT are you doing?" she asked and he smirked at the look on her face.  
  
"Hey - I thought he was trying to molest you or something," he answered and she giggled, clearing her throat before she descended the stairs to him.  
  
Turning around she met the still annoyed eyes of Spike and she tried on a calming smile. It seemed to do the trick since he shook his head and then drew a very irritated huff of air, though he seemed to soften up slightly and WHAT exactly did this mean? "Soften up"?! And why was it that she had just done that? She had actually presumed to be able to... No. No, she hadn't. She had merely looked at him and he had looked back and now they were marching into that basement to have a low down with Xander and Willow and...that was it.  
  
Good. Fine. Perfect.  
  
Spike blinked as she swirled around and practically ran in through the open door. Then he frowned. What had that smile just now been all about? It had said: please, forget it, don't mind him... Sure, it had been small, yet very distinct. Telling him to cool down... And he HAD?! He had. Oh, this was really very bad. This was as bad as it could possibly get. He was transforming into some sort of a wanker. A loser. Someone whom she... What? Whom she what?  
  
"What the bugger did you throw at me?" he asked, interrupting his own thoughts and looking down at Xander who had the smirk grow back on.  
  
"A can of tuna," he replied and Spike raised his eyebrows.  
  
"Hurt like hell," he muttered, starting the descent as well.  
  
"Your mask of pain sorta ratted on you," Xander remarked and Spike gave him a look.  
  
"What were you doing with a bloody can of tuna?" the latter then asked and Xander shrugged.  
  
"Making sandwiches. Willow likes 'em, for some reason," he then answered, following the vampire through the doorway and closing the door behind them.  
  
"Well, were you done making them?" Spike now inquired meaningfully and Xander looked at him, then he connected the dots and opened the door again.  
  
Spike proceeded further into the room.  
  
"I've never seen anything like it," Buffy mumbled, pacing slowly on the floor as Willow listened seated on the couch to the vampire's right.  
  
"And it had to be Adam who killed it?" Willow wondered, Buffy nodding. "But why?" the former asked and Buffy stopped.  
  
"He's studying biology," she replied. "Human... demon... whatever he can get his hands on and tear apart."  
  
"He wants to know what makes things work," Willow murmured and Buffy nodded again.  
  
Xander re-entered the basement with the finishing touch to his snack in hand, coming to a halt as he noticed the theme of nowhere-near-happy decorating the air.  
  
"Did something happen while I was gone?" he asked and Willow gave him a reassuring smile before she looked to Buffy for the explanation.  
  
The Slayer gave it, making Xander stare at her and then move his arm, dropping the can of tuna into the trash bin; clearly feeling the need for food evaporating.  
  
"When this turns into being beaten around a room by the Hulk of Frankenstein, could we please just not indulge?" he asked and Buffy's face grew determined.  
  
"It's not coming to that," she assured. "The Initiative created this thing, and now they can't stop it. But we will," she added, turning her eyes into Spike's and he tilted his head slightly to one side before he granted her a small nod.  
  
"What's first?" Willow wondered and Buffy sat down on the edge of the armchair by which she had been standing before replying:  
  
"Hopefully Spike 'll be able to help locate Adam... Or Adam might locate him... But anyhow, Spike's agreed to... Well, to..." she trailed off, turning her head to once more look at the vamp.  
  
"Act as a spy?" he tried and she furrowed her brow slightly, then she nodded.  
  
"Yeah," she concurred.  
  
"Is there a role in it for me?" a voice asked and Buffy turned around at the sound of it, her face having a warm smile spread across it as she rested her eyes in Riley's.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Okay, I know. Mister So-Boring-It-Sodding-Blows-My-Head-Off(thankfully) is back. I had to, you do realize that, don't you... For how long? Da-Da-DA! ;) Thank you as always for the huge outreach of support from you all! Luv ya!  
  
Great, huge, special outshout of thanks to Heather, Pine, Captain, Von, Charlie, Rachel, Shaelune, TheRealiz, charisma1525, Johanna and Pin - I really love reading your thoughts and hearing that this is still enjoyable! Really do hope this chapter was as well.  
  
To you who might be wondering - In the Dead of the Night HAS been hung up on a hook for a while now since I've been struggling to juggle work, writing this story - which I'm very much wrapped up in right now - AND reading (for editing purposes) In the Dead... BUT I do want to continue it so don't worry, its time will come. I don't dare to promise anything, but hopefully I will have a new chapter up sometime next week and from there I'll try to start to update regularly again. I haven't forgotten about it, not at all. It WILL be finished. ;)  
  
Thanks to all of you on that one AND on this one. 'Til next time...  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	25. A Lost Cause

*********************************TRApPeD************************************  
  
Twenty-Five: A Lost Cause  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-04-29  
  
****************************************************************************  
  
Day Seventeen.  
  
7.35 p.m.  
  
Riley returned the smile, though it was rather trying - as if to see if it would still fit as it was directed onto her. It did, however, and Buffy felt relief over the fact that perhaps he had had time to really think things over for the past few days twirl around and around with a nausea she couldn't detect the true origin of.  
  
What did it really matter?  
  
Spike felt a cold hand grab his heart and squeeze every last dribble of goodwill toward the rival before him out of it carelessly. But there was another feeling there as well; and it was sorrow.  
  
She would never look at him that way. She would never be able to fully relax into the possibility of a "them", would she? To her he was nothing but a monster gone toothless...  
  
The realization of this was like hot wax on a fingertip. He wanted to wince, but held it back; observing the hesitant, yet very real, play between the two mortals showing something "he would never have".  
  
The jealousy was set loose in the way scratching a match against sandpaper can start a building fire and soon it was an inferno inside of him, licking his bones and too blinded by its own strength to be able to care about what it set aflame as it went. In this case it made his patience turn into flying ashes and he looked at Buffy with the anger smothering the whispers of what he felt for her. What she was able to make him feel...  
  
He only saw her how he wanted to see her in that moment - as the using, self-righteous bitch that he knew she was. Why would she want his help? She didn't, she was just showing how very much aware she was of the power she had over him. No more of it. He would have no sodding more of this!  
  
He turned sharply and walked up to the door. Yanking it open he stepped through it and took the stairs quickly.  
  
"Leaving already?" her voice asked as he had gotten a few more steps on his way and he froze with a sigh. "Without so much as a good-bye?" she added and the hint of wryness made him raise his eyebrows as he turned partially to her. "Oh, sorry," she said, growing serious, though he could see the mocking in her expression. "I forgot for a second that you're the anti- socialize... person - so the being polite thing is overrated with you then, huh?"  
  
"What do you want now?" he muttered. "Can't a bloke storm out without the whole point of it being bloody taken away?" he added and she gave him a look.  
  
"Well, we're not done," she stated and he returned her look before he replied:  
  
"Oh, yeah. We're as bleeding done as you get."  
  
She squinted, quizzical.  
  
"What's with you all of a sudden?" she asked and he rolled his eyes at her.  
  
"I'm evil. Mood changes are sodding inevitable," he grumbled. "Now, good- bye," he added with a small bow of his upper body before he turned from her again.  
  
"Spike..."  
  
"All right, would 'good night' get me on my way?" he wondered, turning back and approaching her. "Or are you expecting me to finish that kiss we started?" he added and her eyes grew slightly as he stopped before her.  
  
"No," she then replied, growing slightly flustered as she took a step back.  
  
He observed her for a few seconds, then huffed and shook his head.  
  
"Go back inside," he murmured. "Go back where you belong, Slayer. With Red and TunaBoy and Captain bloody Cardboard."  
  
She stared at him.  
  
"Are you jealous?!" she breathed and his eyes were in hers, growing harder than she had seen them for...well, a while, actually.  
  
"Are you expecting a sodding answer?" he spat, turning from her again, but as he began to walk she followed.  
  
Her heart was beating hard in her chest as she watched his back, his neck... What was moving in that head of his? What was this? He behaved as though he...  
  
"Are you blind, deaf AND dumb?!" he exclaimed and she almost smirked as she remembered when she had used that sentence on him.  
  
He must really want her off his back. His eyes were positively flaming as he once more swirled around to face her and she could see how tightly he was biting his jaws together. If he hadn't had that chip in his head he had surely killed her on the spot. What sort of man was that to get involved with? Really? He was lethal, a killer, had he been human he would've been classed as a sociopath and thrown into a dark hole somewhere! And where exactly had these thoughts come from? And... she wouldn't even spin further on them.  
  
"Are you expecting an answer," she merely shot as a response to his rhetorical question and he glared at her.  
  
"What the hell else is there to discuss down there?" he asked, going back to her original statement and waving a hand vaguely in the direction of the basement, making her cock an eyebrow. "That involves ME!" he added and she smiled a small smile.  
  
"Are you jealous?" she repeated her previous question and she could have sworn his face would have turned rose red with fury if it had been able to.  
  
He looked at her, the anger keeping its fume on for a few more precious seconds and then it began to slowly retract.  
  
"Jealousy is a sign of weakness," he finally replied; keeping the defeat out of his voice as the growing love seeped back into his heart with full force and, as always, all he wanted to do was be able to touch her. Determined not to let it show he continued: "I don't bloody well believe in it and I'd never be caught dead with it inside of me," he added and she shook her head at that. When she didn't speak he stayed quiet for a few moments as well and then he said: "What would I be jealous of, exactly? I've already told you I'm not bloody interested in you for reasons... not dealing with the... Are you seriously ASKING me if I...? Bloody hell," he muttered, looking away from her.  
  
She had no idea what she should think; only what she had seen right before he left so abruptly. The way he had looked at Riley... But he did make a very good point - WHY the hell would he feel anything at all when it came to her? Well, he couldn't, right? He couldn't feel anything.  
  
"I hate the sodding wanker," he suddenly stated and she looked up and into his eyes. "But it has nothing to do with you," he added and she ignored the slightly sinking feeling in her chest. "He put this thing in my head..."  
  
"I'm pretty sure HE didn't," she cut in and Spike gave her an encouraging look to shut up.  
  
"I hate all of the buggers," he grumbled. "Nothing personal," he then shrugged. "I'd hate anyone who bloody tried to..."  
  
He trailed off, looking into the depths of those two green orbs of hers and being practically able to sense the invisible threads irreversibly tying him to her.  
  
"Hold you back?" she asked silently and he swallowed, then shook the feeling of longing off as he nodded.  
  
The seconds were dragged out as they silently observed each other, both trying to estimate this situation; appraising the other almost desperately. They were both sharing a confusion that none of them wanted to acknowledge. For Spike it stemmed from the fact of this young woman being able to make him so completely desert everything that was him in search of...? Well, there lie the confusion. For Buffy it was a cosmic storm of emotions and contradictions within her, refusing to have her read them or pair them up with one another, as well as something in her subconscious blinking "warning" every time she actually tried to do so.  
  
"I should..." she mumbled with a small nod back to the stairs.  
  
"Right," he agreed. "You should."  
  
"You don't wanna...?" she began and he suddenly smiled a weak smile.  
  
"No," he then assured. "I don't."  
  
"It'll just be a lotta lame discussion-slash-brainstorming-slash-nervous outbursts from Xander-slash-Slayertalk... You wouldn't like it anyway," she said and his smile widened just a little before he nodded his consent to that.  
  
"If Adam contacts me you'll be the second person to know," he then stated and she tilted her head to one side questioningly.  
  
"Who'll be the first?" she asked and the smile turned into a smirk before he answered:  
  
"Me."  
  
Finally he got the smile back, which he had been searching for, out of her and then she looked away from him, clearing her throat.  
  
"Fine," she then nodded. "I'll... see you then?" she added, beating down the underlying tone of hopefulness in her voice and he didn't seem to pick up on it as he gave a nod as well.  
  
As he turned she watched him walk away, not able to ignore the fact of how much she had wanted him to stay.  
  
***  
  
7.46 p.m.  
  
The brunette slowly opened her eyes, blinking as disorientation slipped out of her brain and her thoughts began to come out of the dreamstate. She furrowed her brow slightly at the bleeping from the machine keeping track of her heart... and then the expression deepened as she had a trying look around the room.  
  
Flashes of the nightmares she had been having came back to her and she sat up in the hospital bed.  
  
A few minutes later she had left the bed and the building behind. The need for revenge was great within her chest as she made her way toward a goal which would confirm what she had just been told.  
  
That the only father she had ever known was killed, murdered, slaughtered by the hand of someone who's fate seemed linked with her own.  
  
As her eyes rested on the remains of the Sunnydale High she felt that need clench into a fist and she bit her jaws together hard.  
  
I'm coming for you, she thought. No matter where you are... And I'm gonna rip you apart.  
  
***  
  
9.34 p.m.  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
She stopped, her hand on the knob of her dorm room as she turned her head and looked at Riley, coming toward her down the hall. He stopped before her, seemingly uncertain. They hadn't said much to each other since she returned to the basement after her venture after Spike. He hadn't asked anything and she hadn't spoken more of it.  
  
"I'm just gonna freshen up a bit and then I'm headed over to Giles'..." she said and he nodded.  
  
"Yeah... I was just wondering if you had a few minutes to spare," he replied and she swallowed.  
  
"Okay," she then agreed, stepping in through the door and having him follow her.  
  
She walked up to her closet and opened it up; wanting to have something to occupy herself with, rather than to actually shop for another set of clothes, she began to rummage through it. He was quiet for a short while and then he said:  
  
"I needed to see you."  
  
She swallowed, then nodded a little, folding up a sweater and placing it back on its shelf.  
  
"I had to..." he started, trailing off. "I'm not sure why I went to Xander's like that... I just wanted to see how you were doing. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. Buffy, please... stop that," he added and she drew a small breath; putting the new sweater, which she had grabbed, back and steadying herself before she turned to him.  
  
"I'm not sure what to say," she murmured.  
  
He watched her for a few seconds and then he shrugged a little.  
  
"You're not mad anymore?" she wondered and he blinked.  
  
"I never really was," he replied. "I was shocked... Hurt. But not really angry with you. It was a mistake, no thought or emotion behind it, right? I mean, I didn't think there was anything to be angry about... Until..." once again he trailed off and she bit her jaws together as her nerves tangled themselves up within her. "So hostile Seventeen is one of the good guys now?" he asked and she wanted to close her eyes, shut him out and push the question away.  
  
That wasn't possible, needless to say. She had to have this conversation with him sooner or later and so she put on an as innocent expression as she could before she gave a small shrug.  
  
"I don't think 'hostile Seventeen' even knows what the concept of 'good' is," she answered and Riley frowned, which made her regret her words. "I meant that sarcastically," she tried to smooth it over, but it didn't stick.  
  
"He's a vampire," Riley stated and she blinked, then nodded. "Of course there's no 'concept of good' in his drawer of... concepts," he added and now she furrowed her brow.  
  
"Maybe he's not the type to play by the rules..." she began, and then she bit her tongue - she had almost gone into a defense speech - for SPIKE!  
  
Okay, this is really spinning way out of hand. What the hell's wrong with me?! she asked herself, taking her gaze out of Riley's and trying to collect herself.  
  
"And what?" Riley demanded, obviously not about to let the subject die.  
  
"Nothing," she tried, but his expression showed how little he was going for that approach and so she added: "I'm just saying... I've spent some time with him and he's... Well, he's gonna help us fight Adam!" she finished and Riley stared at her.  
  
"You TRUST him?!" he exclaimed and her eyes grew round before she shook her head.  
  
"No!" she assured. "No, there's no trust whatsoever..."  
  
"Then WHAT are you doing with him, Buffy? I don't understand it! Why would you let him into your circle, to learn all of your secrets when it comes to how you act as the Slayer or with your friends; why would you let him close if you don't even trust him? For all I know he's wanted you dead ever since he first set foot in this town! What are you thinking?" he asked and once more she shook her head.  
  
"No, you don't understand what it's like. See, we both know that we can't..."  
  
"Can't what?!" he interrupted, the upset he was under was very obvious and she couldn't find the right way to soothe it. "How can you be near him, Buffy? How can you care about something like him? He's not even alive."  
  
Riley's voice was growing heavy with disgust and Buffy swallowed hard. She had always found it difficult to be judged and this was no exception...  
  
"I don't CARE about him! It's not like that! I'm not 'letting him close'," she finally blurted out. "He's there, he's helping. Taking down Adam is all that matters!"  
  
"Yeah?" Riley asked and she nodded, meeting his gaze relentlessly to show him that she meant it. "Then why did you go after him when he left?" he asked and she clenched her hands into tight fists as she tried to find an answer. "See," he was the one to break the quiet. "I just hope you know what you're doing," he added.  
  
She looked at him, not quite believing that it was happening, but knowing that it was.  
  
What she and the man before her had had - was over. They were over.  
  
She couldn't heal the damage which had been caused and now the wound was too wide to close up.  
  
"Do you wanna be with him?" he now asked and she blinked again, coming out of her thoughts as she stared into his eyes.  
  
"Riley..." she mumbled.  
  
"I can't even look at you," he shook his head, turning it away and walking up to the still open door. "If you need me..." he then added, stopping in the doorway, but not meeting her gaze. "We're in the same battle, so if you need me - call on me," he finished.  
  
"I will," she replied and he disappeared out through the doorway.  
  
The thing is: I don't know what I want, she thought as she slowly sat down on her bed. Because Spike... I can't be with Spike. I can't... I can't fall for Spike! He's a lost cause. He'll never feel love again. How could I possibly...? No, I just... couldn't.  
  
***  
  
Day Eighteen.  
  
9.16 p.m.  
  
He had figured getting out and about might help him focus his energy on the fact that all the meals-on-heels were not for his tasting pleasure, instead of having his energy in a tight lump in his chest as he kept imagining what soldier boy was allowed to do to her in that very moment.  
  
Kissing her, touching her, being close, being within...  
  
He took another mouthful of beer and looked out on the crowd. The music was as always pumping and the Bronze was packed floor to ceiling with young bodies. Young blood. For some reason he wasn't hungry. He wasn't even there. He was just...nowhere. With her. The way he would always be and he HAD to get himself the sod away from thoughts of her and into thoughts of beheadings and flesh and gruesome, awesome crimes done to the minds of the innocent.  
  
Yeah, 'cause that's what it's all about. The kill.  
  
Though there was no more slaying of the innocent for him, was there?  
  
Had he just put that word - so obviously linked to her - into the middle of that sentence on purpose or had it just been a natural choice?  
  
"Bollocks," he muttered, shaking his head at himself and pushing away from the wall against which he had been leaning.  
  
Sauntering toward the dance floor somebody bumped into his shoulder and he took a small step back to regain his balance, turning his head to whoever it was and as the blonde locks settled he stared at her. Furrowing his brow in slight wonderment as to her appearance he then tilted his head slightly to one side before sighing.  
  
Great. Perfect. Wonderful.  
  
Just his sodding luck that she'd be there, of all places! Shouldn't she be out trailing the Most Grizzling with Captain Cardboard? And what was up with the make-up? Seemed she'd decided to take a well-deserved breather. Well, of course she couldn't have picked a quiet evening in bed with a bloody book, now could she?  
  
"Oh," he muttered. "You."  
  
"And...you," she replied.  
  
"What? Are you keeping tabs on me? I know the 'no trust' deal was sodding clear right from the start, but this...? You gonna give me a hard time now?" he inquired and her eyes widened slightly.  
  
"Well," she began, squirming slightly and he frowned again. "Do I...usually...give you a hard time?" she then asked back and he gave her a look.  
  
"Very funny," he replied and she raised her eyebrows. "Well, you don't have to worry about me 'drinking'," he added with a nod toward the dance floor and all the necks bouncing with their connected bodies there. "Unless you're here to protect innocent beers," he added as he wiggled the bottle in his hand meaningfully; lowering it he turned from her and walked up to stand beneath the stairs leading to the upper space of the club.  
  
He really wanted her to leave him alone.  
  
And he really wanted her not to.  
  
No sign of the boyfriend so far... He had to wonder what that meant.  
  
"You're a vampire," she stated just as he turned back to her and he gave her a look at the sheer no-necessity-at-all in her uttering those words.  
  
She took a pose against the thick, consisting-of-metal post to her right; letting her right hand slide up it before she leaned against it by means of the lower part of her arm, putting her left hand on her left hip, observing him with the sort of interest you would a thing through the glass of a shop- window - one that you wanted, but wasn't quite sure you could afford.  
  
The expression was new to him, though two could play this game and so he replied:  
  
"WAS... And as soon as I get this chip outta my head I'll be a vampire again. But until then I'm just as helpless as a kitten up a tree, so why don't you just sod off?"  
  
Her eyebrows rose again.  
  
"'Kay," she then agreed, turning around and getting ready to leave.  
  
Oh, she was one flaky bird; that was for bloody sure. Did she expect she could just walk away like this? Hah!  
  
"Oh, fine!" he exclaimed, it having the desired effect of making her stop. "Throw it in my face," he continued and she turned back to him. "'Spike's not a threat anymore - I'll turn my back. He can't hurt me'. Or should I make that 'won't'? Is that what you think? That I won't hurt you...?"  
  
She merely eyed him for a second, her face growing thoughtful as she repeated his name.  
  
"Spike," she mumbled and once more he found himself staring at her rather questioningly. "Spike," she said again and then her face slowly lit up as she took the few steps parting them to stand before him, adding: "William the Bloody with a chip in his head. I kinda love this town."  
  
He narrowed his eyes, glaring at her now.  
  
"You know why I really hate you, Summers?" he asked and she tilted her head to one side before she replied matter-of-factly:  
  
"'Cause I'm a stuck-up, tight-ass with no sense of fun?"  
  
Actually... he thought, but restrained the smirk as he looked down at her, answering:  
  
"Well, yeah... That covers..." suddenly realizing what she had just labeled herself as he slowly added: "a lot of it."  
  
"'Cause I could do anything I want and instead I choose to pout and whine and feel the burden of Slayerness?" she continued and now he did stare at her. "I mean, I could be rich. I could be famous. I could have anything..." She paused slightly and the look in her eyes made his whole body suffer shivers in several multitudes as she added: "Anyone."  
  
He swallowed, really not sure what she was playing at here.  
  
"Even you, Spike," she added, taking a step closer and moving her arms up to place her hands on his chest, letting them glide down to his stomach as she pushed him back against the post behind him.  
  
She slid up against him and he couldn't take his eyes off her face as she said, voice lowered and manner so seductive he was glad he didn't need to breathe:  
  
"I could ride you at a gallop until your legs buckled and your eyes rolled up. I've got muscles you've never even DREAMED of - I could squeeze you until you popped like warm champagne and you begged me to hurt you just a little bit more..."  
  
Now he did smirk.  
  
"Well...yeah," he murmured, his hands gliding over her waist and to the small of her back to press her closer. "Been there...done that," he added before he lowered his mouth to hers.  
  
At first she was reluctant. She even seemed surprised. And then she began to return the kiss, deepening it forcefully. It was at that point he pulled away from her. Finding her gaze with his own, seeing the lingering eagerness in them and the questions... He shook his head before he slowly murmured:  
  
"You're not Buffy... so who the hell are you?"  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
A/N - this chapter has contained explicit bits of conversation as said in the BtVS episode "Who Are You?". All rights to writer Joss Whedon.  
  
Oh, yikes! Wow, a lotta reviews this time! Makes me happyhappy, naturally!!! I really hope you liked this chapter! Hehe, I gotta say, I just luuv this scene in "Who Are You". Too, too bad that it's Faith and not the Buffster...that'd been something. ;) I'm sure you noticed the modest artistic freedom I took in resculpting it just a little, to better fit this storyline... But ah well, I'm sure Joss wouldn't mind. ;) Ahem, at least *gulp* I hope not!  
  
Very special thanks to Rachel (*grin* I'm very glad you enjoyed it even without the smooch!) ;), Heather (Oh, I'm so glad it shows through! That was great to hear!) :), thechosen (oh-ho-ho, should I reveal my secrets?! ;) Spuffy moments are in the works, yes, I can promise that.) ;), Von (thanks so much for that wonderful compliment and *lol*, yes. Well...) ;), wolf116 (*LOL* and wow, do I agree. What WAS that dorks purpose after season four anyways? *shudders*) ;), Mel (*lol* and *smirk* and *grin*. Glad you laughed - then the point got through. Haha!) :), Captain (well, I'll see what I can do about the cliff-jumping, okay?) ;), Renee' (oh, *hugs*, that's so sweet! Hope your finals went really well, b.t.w! Oh, thank you so much on that compliment, my friend. Very nice to read! And of course it was a very inentional joke! *smiles*) ;), Juliya (Oh, girl, I hope the sex isn't all that's good about Buffy the Vampire Slayer! If the wait is worth it will, unfortunately for me, be completely up to you! If I COULD direct you on your way I would be the happiest writer on the planet, tho! *smiles* I really hope it will be.) ;), Caitee M (Oh, dear and oh, my! Wow. Thanks a LOT for that encouragement and praise that you had to throw my way 'cause I can tell you, encouraging it truly was! *smiles widely* I'm so pleased and happy that you enjoyed the whole thing and wow for putting in the manhours. Really great!) ;), Jade2099 (*giggles* I'm glad!) ;), charisma1525 (Totally enjoying that you're enjoying it! And you'll see, you'll see, you'll see...) :D, Charlie ("normal vs. hot-as-hell" *lol* And YEAH!) ;), Johanna (*grinning like mad* So happy you share my sense of humor!) :), TheRealiz (I thank thee honestly for thy flattery. ;) On the real tip, really great to hear and hey, juiciness just might be around the next bend so keep that nose close *grin*), Pine (hey, my friend. Good, better, best that you're still liking! Hope this chapter was no disappointment on that department! Great as always to read your thoughts, girl!) and Phyllis (holy mother of and all of that etc.! Yikes! I can't tell you whatta kick I got out of your review. I'll have you know three words of "hey, great fic" is enough to give me a true buzz and so you can imagine how high your review had me! ;) Really, though, thanks for taking the time to write me such a full viewpoint, it is ALWAYS appreciated! I'm so thrilled that you liked the beginning and that you're still liking how it's continuing. I'm really glad you're enjoying how the development is coming on rather slowly 'cause that's really the way I write, you know? Well, I guess by now you do. ;) It meant a lot to hear it, anyways, so kudos to you for giving me exactly what I needed right now. I do trust my judgement, tho... I mean, if I don't have that then I don't have anything, right? :) I'm just glad that you're not flaming me and it's really a wonderful compliment that you can't think of something that needs improving - it's very honest - and so, thanks. Just thank you so much for your words, they were very inspirational. I'm as said extremely glad that you enjoyed! I do hope I'll see you back!) :).  
  
To all, HUGE HUGS AND KISSES AND THANK YOUS. YOU BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF BORING AND RAINY SPRING DAYS!!! Thanks for all the inspiration, the encouragment and the pushes you're giving me!!! Luv ya!  
  
A.M.L, always,  
  
Annie. 


	26. Make With The Why

*********************************TRApPeD************************************  
  
Twenty-Six: Make With The Why  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-05-01  
  
****************************************************************************  
  
Day Eighteen.  
  
9.34 p.m.  
  
Her eyes darkened rapidly post his question and as she wanted to take a step back he grabbed her upper arms and held her where she was.  
  
"Where is she?" he hissed and a cold smile took its place on her lips as she shook her head slightly at him.  
  
"You're trippin'," she muttered. "I'm outta here," she added, tearing loose and turning from him.  
  
"Faith," he said and she turned back to him, eyebrows rising and then her smile widened.  
  
"No," she then replied. "I knew a girl who went by that name once, and it wasn't that long ago either... But she's gone now. She's been... handled. Slayerstyle."  
  
He stared at her, at this stranger before him.  
  
"Don't worry, sweet-cakes," she now smirked. "She won't ever bother me again. Or any of my friends..."  
  
He furrowed his brow, but she merely turned from him and made her way up to the bar.  
  
He knew what he had to do, and no matter how much it really distasted him to do it he had no other choice. Leaving the Bronze he headed for the apartment of someone he wasn't at all sure would even listen to what he suspected, but if the man in question refused - then Buffy was lost to them, to HIM, forever.  
  
If the Watcher won't listen, Spike thought, picking up his pace, then somehow I'll MAKE him.  
  
***  
  
Day Nineteen.  
  
8.55 a.m.  
  
"We don't know where Buffy is, that's our main problem," Giles stated, making the murmur from the assembled Scoobies - plus two - come to a stop.  
  
Xander, Anya, Willow and Tara were all squeezed together on the couch of Giles' apartment, now their eyes were directed onto him.  
  
"The Council could have taken her halfway to England by now," he added with a sigh. "I can't believe I didn't pick up on it sooner. I thought her actions were rather...un-Buffylike when she stopped by."  
  
"Me too," Xander chimed in, nodding his head. "Definite un-Buffyness going on there. No need to feel like the behind of a donkey, Giles... We all do."  
  
"Well, thank you for that fascinatingly clear analogy and please, don't ever use it again," the Watcher replied dryly.  
  
"Deal," Xander agreed, sinking back slightly against the cushions behind his back and getting a comforting pat on one arm from his girlfriend.  
  
"We could try a locating spell..." Willow began and that was when the front door was thrown open and the body of Faith came through it. "Buffy!" Willow exclaimed, the four on the couch rising as one and turning to face the door at the same time.  
  
"Okay," Buffy said. "Don't freak... I know this is gonna sound so much out there that you're gonna... Huh?"  
  
"We know you're you and your body's not you," Anya explained helpfully and Buffy furrowed her brow, technically Faith's brow.  
  
"It's a long story," Willow began and as the phone rang she continued: "Tara and I met you... I mean, Faith... at the Bronze last night and Tara... Tara, come here." Tara hesitantly came up to join at Willow's side and Buffy looked at the girl for a moment before directing her gaze into Willow's again, wanting her to finish. "Well," Willow started up again, "Tara is a really powerful witch."  
  
"Not really," Tara mumbled, clearly uncomfortable with that sort of unmasked praise.  
  
"No, really!" Willow stated. "She knew right away that you weren't you. So we connected with the nether realms to find out what happened, and we conjured..." turning around she hurried up to the living room table, grabbed the small, wooden box standing there and then returned to her friend finishing with: "this."  
  
Opening the box she revealed what looked like an oval shaped stone, glowing in neon green. Buffy could feel the power flowing from it and she took a step closer.  
  
"What is it?" she asked.  
  
"It's a Katra," Willow replied.  
  
"You should come see this," Xander called from the TV, which Giles had turned on shortly after hanging up the phone. "Why is it that there never are any GOOD news coming from that thing?" the former added.  
  
On the screen a news anchor declared a church in possession of what could only be a band of vampires.  
  
"It's a message," Buffy stated. "And it's just been received."  
  
***  
  
3.45 p.m.  
  
"She's gone..." Buffy said silently, pushing the button on the wireless phone in her hand in order to hang up.  
  
She was seated on her bed in hers and Willow's dorm room and the latter was sitting by her feet.  
  
"You okay?" Willow wondered and Buffy shrugged.  
  
"I'm not sure," she murmured. "I talked with my mom before... Faith spent the night in my old bedroom, but before that they had had a really long walk down Memory Lane with old pictures and everything... Mom said that she had worried 'cause I seemed so sad. I'm just... I mean, who knows what made Faith who she is, you know?"  
  
Willow nodded.  
  
"Yeah," she agreed.  
  
"I might've been somebody entirely different if I hadn't been born into my family," Buffy continued. "She might've been too."  
  
"You feel bad for her?" Willow wondered and Buffy put the phone on the bedside table before she nodded.  
  
"I guess I do," she admitted.  
  
"Changing topics," Willow said, smiling a little and Buffy returned it. "What did you think of Tara?"  
  
"The little I saw of her I thought she seemed real nice," Buffy replied. "She's kinda shy, though, isn't she?"  
  
"Yeah," Willow agreed. "But not once you get to know her. Then she's really open and funny and... well," the Wicca trailed off.  
  
"I'm glad you're making new friends," Buffy said, giving Willow a little shove with one foot. "I felt really bad 'cause I was so busy with Riley," she added and Willow's smile broadened.  
  
"He forgave you, didn't he?" she asked meaningfully and Buffy bit her jaws together.  
  
"Not really," she answered and Willow grew serious as well as questioning. "Hence the 'WAS so busy'..." the former added and Willow put on an empathic expression.  
  
"What happened? I can't believe that he'd hold a grudge; he doesn't seem like that kind of person," she said.  
  
"It depends on the way you trample him," Buffy grumbled, Willow growing quizzical again and the former shook her head dismissively. Deciding that she wasn't ready for this conversation quite yet she then said: "Seems like you and Tara have been doing a lotta magic lately."  
  
"Yeah. And it's so much fun," Willow stated. "I'm learning a lot."  
  
"I was so scared you guys 'd put a tranquilizing dart in my butt or something, when I showed up like that looking like Faith," Buffy said with a smile and Willow grinned. "I'd label your growing talent Good Thing any day of the week from this moment on," the Slayer added and the latter laughed, watching as the former rose to her feet and walked over to the desk standing to the right of the door.  
  
"Well, I can't take all the credit," the redhead then said as she turned in her seat to be able to look at her friend who was stacking up her books for the classes she would have in the morning.  
  
"Oh?" Buffy wondered. "Yeah, right," she then added. "Tara."  
  
"Yes, Tara," Willow agreed. "But actually, and you're not gonna believe this..." she trailed off as Buffy turned to her, wondering expression on her face. "Well, actually Spike told Giles before we did."  
  
Buffy swallowed.  
  
Her heart had just stopped beating in her chest.  
  
"Spike?" she then asked, the muscle beginning to do its job tentatively beneath her bosom. "How could he know?"  
  
"I'm not sure," Willow replied.  
  
"Why wasn't he at the apartment when I got there?" Buffy inquired and Willow gave a shrug.  
  
"He needed his beauty sleep," she answered.  
  
"But..."  
  
Buffy trailed off.  
  
Why had he told Giles? If he hadn't, then that would've meant her off his back for certain and for a very long time to come. WHY had he gone to Giles, of all people?  
  
"I... I have to go," she said, turning the knob of the door and opening it up. "I'll be back as soon as I can," she promised, walking through it and closing it behind her.  
  
The past few days had been confusing enough without having to contemplate exactly where this whole thing with Spike was taking her. Not that it WAS taking her anywhere... Escaping the clutches of the Council... Not being sure if she'd ever be fully herself again... Fretting over how she'd be able to present her state to her friends without them freaking out... Yeah, she had had her hands full.  
  
Now, all the everyday confusion slipped back in place and she was heavily reminded that she still needed to find a way out of it. The thing was that it was so obscure. They were partners, reluctant allies, and she had been absolutely convinced that - if the chance introduced itself to be rid of all of it - he wouldn't hesitate one second to end it in his favor and fulfill an old promise.  
  
Well, of course she wouldn't have been dead per say; but she might as well have been.  
  
And then he goes and does something like this.  
  
Well, isn't that just like him, then? Turning everything upside down and inside out until he can't even tell the original composition of it himself! Damn him and his fickle nature!  
  
She didn't bother to knock, assured in the assumption that he was out cold - literally - anyways. She stepped inside the second door, taking her into the crypt, and turned her head to her right, finding that she had been wrong. He was in front of the TV; a new one, she gathered, since last time she'd been there the set had been broken into bits for some reason. A result of one of his "mood changes", no doubt. And this new one he had probably stolen from some poor old lady who'd happened to leave a window slightly open one night... That's right, feed the annoyance with him.  
  
Spike felt his nerves jolt as her presence filled the room, then he glanced her way and to his overwhelming relief his eyes met the familiar green of hers. Then it had succeeded, and here she was again; ready to splash a dash of her all-time-favorite burn-baby-burn. That's what her eyes told him, anyways. What had persuaded him to even give a damn in the first place?  
  
The billion answers to that simple question crowded his mind and he closed his eyes briefly before turning his head to meet her gaze fully.  
  
"Oh," he muttered. "You're back."  
  
"Was I ever gone?" she wondered, her eyes now meaningful in a way he wasn't sure that he liked and her arms crossing over her chest.  
  
"I haven't seen you in two bloody days, how the bleeding hell should I know?" he grumbled, trying to keep his cool as he got to his feet, turning the TV off as he went.  
  
She raised her eyebrows. So, he was going to do that turn. Fine. She'd tag along on this one.  
  
"Haven't seen me in two days?" she asked and he tilted his head to one side slightly.  
  
Had she always been this beautiful? Had she always had such a glow about her? Standing there her brilliance seemed to light up the room.  
  
Bloody hell! he growled in his head, turning away from her and walking a few steps toward the sarcophagus before stopping.  
  
"I haven't seen YOU, now have I?" he muttered and she found herself smirking.  
  
Then the admittance of those words caught up with her and chased that hint of a smile off her face.  
  
"Why did you tell Giles?" she asked and he clenched his jaws together tightly.  
  
Why couldn't he for once think before acting? Of course this whole stunt was gonna work, and of course she'd be busting down his door to know how the hell he could presume to act as though he cared what happened to her.  
  
"Why shouldn't I have told him?" he retorted, finally turning to partially face her.  
  
"WHY did you tell him?" she demanded, feeling how desperate she was to actually hear his reason; to at least have that straightened out once and for all amongst the turmoil inside of her.  
  
"I don't know what you wanna hear, love," he murmured. "But it ain't gonna fall from these lips so best you just went on your sodding way. Now."  
  
He wanted to have her close. He felt every last fiber reach out to her, draw themselves closer to her. The need was getting to be too much and he was frightened of what he might say or do to quench it. She needed to go before it got to the point of no return and he told her everything - salvation be crumbled up and forgotten.  
  
"I'm not leaving," she stated, tone cold as she unwrapped her arms and took a step forward; his eyes growing unnoticeably as he witnessed the movement. "In fact, I'm not going anywhere until you tell me why you keep..."  
  
She trailed off and he narrowed his eyes.  
  
"Saving you?" he wondered. "How I can do that when there's not one single honest or righteous bone in my dead, cold body? How I can bloody honor our agreement, this so-called partnership, when all I really wanna do is find some way of taking you down, isn't that what you were about to ask me?"  
  
"All right, yes! Okay?!" she exclaimed. "Yes, I have to wonder what your motive is 'cause let's face it - you haven't declared yourself in love with the idea of me still standing, have you?!"  
  
His face was cut in stone and his eyes were hard as a doll's, but inside her analogy had him near to tears with laughter. The irony of it all kept hitting him over the head, but when it made itself known with such subtlety it simply punched him right on the jaw.  
  
He suppressed the emotion skillfully and reminded himself that for some reason she was mad at him. She seemed to react that way a lot whenever HE was the one who stepped in "in the knick of time". Gratitude towards him seemed to be a waste of bloody emotion, didn't it?  
  
"I'll stop - if you ask me politely," he stated and she shook her head at him.  
  
Sometimes he made her so furious that she just wanted to scream outloud.  
  
"THAT'S not an answer!" she raised her voice and he cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"'Politely'," he reminded and she stalked up to him.  
  
He kept himself from backing away from her the second before her scent softly wrapped itself around him, her body heat extended itself, her life- force was vibrating against his chest.  
  
"Why can't you just drop the attitude and tell me what I need to know?" she asked, voice lowered but quivering with held back emotion.  
  
"Why is it something you 'need' to know?" he asked back and her eyes grew impatient as she glared up at him.  
  
"You're impossible," she grumbled and his face softened as he smirked.  
  
"Not always," he hinted and she gave him a look which broadened the smirk.  
  
She was silent for a few moments and then she asked, rather hesitantly:  
  
"How did you even know it wasn't me?"  
  
Once more he tilted his head to one side, his eyes observing her for a second before he replied:  
  
"Her kisses were very different from yours."  
  
The cockiness with which he had intended to deliver that line for some reason was left out of it, but it didn't matter as he watched the rather stunned expression taking form on her face and she blinked with obvious surprise.  
  
Everything came to a slow stop as the shock filled her, and then it pulled back rapidly, paving way for a distorted sense of betrayal. There was also something that was much, much worse and had no place within her in connection to him - anger based on pure and simple jealousy.  
  
"Different-GOOD-different?" she couldn't stop herself from practically snapping and then she shook her head a little at herself before turning from him. "Never mind," she added, struggling to keep the growing grouchiness out of her voice.  
  
"Buffy..." he began, really not about to let himself read too much into her posture and expression saying that she had actually just been affected by what he had disclosed.  
  
She swirled back around.  
  
"No, I don't wanna hear it," she interrupted. "Ever since you first came into my life all you've ever done 's been to screw it up, and I'm finished!"  
  
"Buffy," he tried again, but she shook her head.  
  
"I never should've thought that this side-by-side thing could ever work," she stated. "I mean, you won't even tell me why you keep being there when you should be trying to... be somewhere else!" she added and he furrowed his brow before he saw his opportunity to speak and took it.  
  
"I expect you to repay the favors," he said and she seemed to hold back whatever she had been planning to yell at him the next for simply staring at him. "I expect you to be there for ME... if the time comes," he elaborated and she swallowed. "Will you?" he wondered.  
  
She eyed him for another few moments.  
  
"Sometimes I wish I'd never met you," she then murmured. "Some days that's all I wish."  
  
"And the other days?" he asked quietly.  
  
She opened her mouth as if to answer before seemingly changing her mind.  
  
"Didn't mean to take away from the beauty sleep," she said and he arched an eyebrow, quizzical to her obvious self-consciousness as she backed toward the door.  
  
"Why? You think I need it?" he asked, getting himself moving and following in her footsteps, as tryingly as she was taking them.  
  
"No, not at all," she answered, blinking again as her thighs connected with the side to the back of the armchair and she stopped for a second to regroup before moving to walk behind it. "I-I mean..." she mumbled.  
  
Stop, she wanted to ask him. Stop, whatever it is you're doing to me, stop right this instant. I can't be part of it. I refuse!  
  
"What you said before... about this 'side-by-side thing' not working... that you're finished... Did you mean it?" he asked and she swallowed hard as her back connected with the stone wall to the left of the door leading to freedom, to air, to a place not so completely him. "Are we finished here?" he added and she tilted her head back as he stepped forward, leaning into her.  
  
"You were the one who said we were done," she reminded and he smiled slightly.  
  
"Guess we just keep saying things we don't bloody mean... You agree?" he wondered, his voice slow and thick and sweet as syrup and she could feel her mouth watering as their bodies molded together, the fabrics between their skin doing nothing to prevent them both from feeling the other.  
  
"Yes," she practically whispered.  
  
Looking into his eyes she found herself drifting deeper and deeper into a thousand shades of blue, into warmth and something gentle resting at the bottom of those pools.  
  
If I lost you... he thought as he held her gaze. What would I do if I lost you?  
  
Her heart was beating hard against his chest as her hands moved to place themselves on his hips. He moved his face closer, nudging the tip of her nose with his own before closing his eyes. Buffy closed hers as well, the anticipation swimming with her blood, stretching through her veins. Her hands slid to place themselves on his arms, gliding up his biceps. Her breath caressed his lips as his arms moved around her, pressing her closer.  
  
"I can't do this," she said, breaking the spell and having him slowly open his eyes to meet hers. "I can't do this," she repeated as she pushed him away and sidestepped him to put some distance between them.  
  
"You're too bloody much," he grumbled, turning his head to her. "So go," he then added with a nod to the door.  
  
"I just..."  
  
"You think I expect a sodding explanation here, Slayer?" he interrupted harshly, grabbing the door and opening it up. "Adam stops by and I'll be at your doorstep, 'til then let's just stay the hell away from each other. We'll both be better off."  
  
She looked at him for a while which felt like something eager to resemble eternity and then she simply walked passed him and through the door, which he shut tightly behind her.  
  
"Good riddance," he muttered.  
  
Closing his eyes he leaned forward and placed his forehead against the roughness of stone against which she had a minute earlier been leaning.  
  
The spot still carried her scent.  
  
He wanted her to come back.  
  
She didn't.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Ohhh, you guys! Aw, you're just so awesome, thanks a lot for all the amazing reviews I keep recieving! I love it, I love it, but then who wouldn't, right? Really hope you enjoyed this chapter as well!  
  
Special thank yous to Kate, Heather, Hannah, Pine, Captain, Rachel, Shaelune, Von, hmm..., wolf116 (for *both*) ;), charisma1525, Alyssa (welcome! and thanks for both!) :), Caitee M and Renee' - you guys, thank you SO much, okay? Without you guys we really wouldn't be approaching thirty chapters on this! Thanks a lot!  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	27. Once It Happens

*********************************TRApPeD************************************  
  
Twenty-Seven: Once It Happens  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-05-02  
  
****************************************************************************  
  
Day Twenty-Five.  
  
1.15 a.m.  
  
She moved to lie on top of him, bending her neck to grace his lips with a kiss. He smiled as he met her gaze when she pulled back a little. His hands slid gently down her back and she closed her eyes.  
  
"I almost thought this would never happen again," she mumbled and his abs tightened underneath the smooth skin of her belly as he snickered.  
  
"You had ME pretty bloody convinced of it too," he replied and she smiled at that, bending forward to give him another kiss.  
  
This time he moved one hand to the nape of her neck, grabbed a fistful of her blonde locks and deepened it. She moaned as she met it and he rolled her onto her back, her legs spreading to fit him in between them and her arms wrapping around his neck.  
  
Then he softly ended the kiss and pulled back to look down at her.  
  
"You know how I feel," he murmured. "Now I wanna know how YOU feel," he added. "What do you feel, Buffy?"  
  
She woke with a start, taking a hard breath of air and sitting straight in her bed. Staring at the facing wall she tried to get her heart to slow down.  
  
Okay, she thought. Okay. Calm down. Calm down?! Calm down?! You just had a dream! Yes. About Spike! Yes, so? So?!  
  
"Enough," she muttered, throwing the covers off and getting out of bed. "I've had dreams about him before."  
  
'I'm in love.'  
  
'So am I'  
  
'You know how I feel. Now I wanna know how YOU feel.'  
  
She closed her eyes, shaking her head to herself before looking up and resting her gaze on something far away, trying to gather up her thoughts she then walked up to her closet. Getting a pair of leather pants out and a light colored sweater to go with the snake-skin pattern on the former she quickly got dressed. Glancing at the still sound asleep Willow she then slipped out of the room and closed the door behind her.  
  
I don't feel anything, she thought as she made her way across campus grounds and out into the streets. I don't feel anything for that... Okay, Buffy, find an ugly name for him. Ugly! For that ugly, worthless, good-for- nothing, crazed, bleached loser! I don't feel anything at all for him. I feel about him, but that's very different. I hate him. I can't stand him - most of the time... Well, I WISH I couldn't stand him ALL of the time and that counts for something.  
  
"Out for a walk?"  
  
She jumped, her heart in her throat as she swirled toward the sound. Of his voice. And there he was. Intact. Couldn't he at least have had a scar that refused to heal over his right brow and down his cheek? Or black pupils so that his eyes didn't look so...  
  
"Actually, yes," she interrupted her musings, replying to his question.  
  
"Alone?" he wondered and she cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"I'm never alone," she answered, bringing out her stake with a meaningful look and he smirked hesitantly.  
  
"Right," he said.  
  
"You? Out for a walk?" she wondered, tucking the stake back in place, and he gave a small shrug.  
  
"Not much else for me to do, is there?" he retorted and she couldn't help but smile briefly at that.  
  
"Right," she then nodded.  
  
Okay, find some way to get him away from you.  
  
"I'm going that way," she said, pointing with one index finger in the direction she was referring to and he looked at her for a moment.  
  
"So am I," he then stated and she raised her eyebrows.  
  
"Coincidences do happen," she said and he smirked as she began to walk, he followed.  
  
"They are known to, yeah," he then agreed.  
  
A-way-FROM-you! Not a-way-WITH-you!  
  
She switched off the reasoning voice and glanced at him as he proceeded to walk by her side.  
  
"Good job with the 'staying the hell away'," she commended; her voice light, but he thought he could almost hear an underlying tone of a question as to why he had been able to actually do such a very good job on the matter.  
  
"You too," he simply replied and she turned her head to look at him.  
  
He couldn't believe it had been nearly a week. Of course he had seen her, he wasn't sure exactly what had been going on - but some kid named Jonathan seemed to have pulled the stunt of his lifetime on all of Sunnydale. Well, he had seen her then... but it didn't count, they hadn't been themselves. Their actual last meeting, however; now that had been loaded, for several reasons. This seemed to be the complete opposite. He wasn't even sure what to say to her.  
  
"So, no meets-and-greets?" she asked and he shook his head.  
  
"Nope, the Mungroid King seems to stay dormant," he answered and she cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"You and pet names," she muttered and when he merely gave her a questioning look she stopped and faced him as he did the same. "You have cute little names for everyone around you - what is that?"  
  
"Oh, it's a trademark. Sorta like my mouth," he replied and her eyes grew just a little, making him smirk. "The way it needs to be hit and never shuts up...and all that," he reminded and she shook her head, mostly at herself.  
  
"Has it always been that way?" she inquired and he smiled.  
  
"Hell yeah," he assured and she gave him a look. He hesitated. "Actually...no," he then said, making her eyes rest in his as she grew questioning. "Though I'm pretty bloody sure you're not interested in my background. Are you?" he added and she blinked, then turned and began to walk again.  
  
"No," she replied.  
  
He smirked again, followed and came up by her side once more.  
  
"So, out this late on a school night?" he wondered and she glared at him. "Hey, I didn't mean that in a condescending way, Slayer. Just..."  
  
"Saying," she finished the sentence for him. "You always 'just say'."  
  
He smiled, tilting his head slightly to one side as they came to a slow stop and she sighed. She felt like her insides were being twirled around and around with a great big spoon and she couldn't stop their spinning. And HE wasn't helping. Something about him always got to her head and she felt strange and misplaced and still on the most well-known territory of all...  
  
This abyss that he created was dark and strangely alluring as she balanced the edge of fear, need and a thread of the unexplored which was yet to be picked up... If she should let herself fall there was no telling where she might come to find herself. In darkness; in light; abandoned; found; in coldness; in his arms...  
  
"Spike, there's something I need to ask you..." she began, and then the growl of something which sounded rather large made them both spin around. "Oh, goodie," she murmured sarcastically and he flashed her a grin before he ran forward, meeting the punch of the large demon with his hand and then delivering his own.  
  
Buffy cocked an eyebrow, watching him and getting ready to get into the game when another fiend made itself known - though this one was the blood- sucking kind. She got into fighting stance.  
  
"Okay," she said slowly. "Let's take this nice...and with the pointy end first," she added, bringing out her stake as the vampire attacked.  
  
He delivered a hard blow to her left side and the stake was knocked out of her hand. She huffed, then found her ground and kicked her leg up, hitting the vamp on the chin. After a few well-aimed punches she was able to throw it a good five yards away from her and she quickly retrieved her stake.  
  
Straightening her posture she noticed that the demon Spike had taken on was nowhere to be seen and that he was now in the middle of facing off the other vamp instead. She drew her arm back to throw the stake, but the two moved and she lowered it again. If she hit Spike...  
  
That was when he grabbed the demon and held it chest to her so that she could get in a clean sharp-to-heart and she nodded a little before once more drawing her arm back and then throwing the weapon. Just as it was about to connect, however, the other demon - a large, scruffy looking thing with horns in its forehead - came out of nowhere and pushed Spike aside, making the stake miss its target.  
  
Buffy stared at the scene, taken off guard by this sudden turn of events and then she ran up to the regrouping creatures and delivered a kick each - rendering them, for the time being, slightly disoriented. Hurrying up to Spike, who had gotten to his feet, she said:  
  
"Okay, you get fang, I'll get horny."  
  
He nodded, then narrowed his eyes and turned them on her.  
  
"I mean..." she began, but the demons were both approaching and so the chance for a graceful correction was bagged for the time being.  
  
They split up, Spike taking fang and Buffy... well. It didn't take them longer than a minute to finish both off and Buffy brushed the grass off of her as she tried to catch her breath. The adrenaline was still pumping through her and she felt like running three miles or climbing every tree in Sunnydale or... Her eyes landed on Spike and she swallowed.  
  
"Well," she mumbled. "Vampire-demon tag team... Not something you see everyday."  
  
Spike turned to her, then got himself moving to meet her halfway as he shook his head.  
  
"Then again," he said with a meaningful look between the two of them and she smiled a little.  
  
"Yeah," she nodded. "I guess stranger pairings have happened," she then agreed and he returned her smile tentatively. "But... this..." she mumbled, looking up at him and feeling a frightening throb start somewhere deep down as he held her gaze. "Giles'll wanna know," she said and he nodded. "A- about the..."  
  
"Vampire-demon tag team," he filled in as she trailed off and she nodded slowly again.  
  
He wanted her so badly he could practically taste her on the tip of his tongue: the salt of her sweat and the scent of her skin mixed with that irresistibly arousing aroma of craving, of needing, of forsaking all else for that final moment of perfect bliss...  
  
Spike. Get your bloody head on straight! he grumbled.  
  
But staring into her eyes and seeing his own emotions carefully be reflected in them made the task nearly impossible.  
  
Buffy didn't feel her heart beat heavily in her chest, she didn't recognize the thoughts moving through her mind, she didn't care about the flashing sign of warning... she couldn't care anymore. But she was frozen to the spot, drifting in a sea of blue.  
  
Then his hands grabbed her upper arms and before she had a chance to react she had been torn out of her state of hypnosis and thrown into the very real reality of him close. He pulled her flush against him, her head tilting back of its own and then his lips met hers harshly.  
  
She made a small noise of surprise as his tongue dug into her mouth and found hers, immediately engaging in eager play and she wasn't late to follow. Her hands placing themselves on his hips before she moved them up over his stomach and chest, to wrap her arms around his neck and press herself even closer.  
  
Finally, her body sighed. Finally.  
  
And she was relaxing into his caresses as his hands moved over her form, holding her firmly to him as they explored. She was already close to trembling for him, her legs felt like they were made of rubber as the kiss was growing laced with wanting.  
  
She pulled her mouth away to take a breath and he moved his to her throat, making her groan silently as she buried her fingers in his soft locks, his tongue tracing her jugular before his lips planted kisses in the crook of her neck.  
  
God, if this was as close to Heaven that he would get then he sure as hell was going to treasure every last second of it, every last moment with her. It made him feel in a way he hadn't felt for over a century, and it was like she went inside of him, became a part of him - moved within at the same pace as the new gray and in between his old self and who he wished he could be...  
  
"Spike," she gasped, making him pull back to be able to rest his eyes in hers.  
  
She looked at him with a questioning gaze and he wasn't sure what she was asking him. Then it fell away and she moved her head forward, kissing him deeply and he closed his eyes again, meeting the kiss greedily.  
  
This is insane! This is pure insanity! Buffy, what are you doing?  
  
The voice of reason shrunk into an insignificant screech and then it was stomped out completely. Shut down and thrown away like a bad record she didn't want to listen to anymore. She didn't even want to have it on her shelf and oh, dear Lord, how could he feel this good when she knew he was nothing but bad for her? How could practically everything in her say "yes" when it should be screaming "no"?  
  
He made her walk backwards a few paces and she felt the hard stone of a tall headstone connect with her back as he leaned her against it.  
  
She wanted to get the duster off of him. She wanted to rip that T off and instill pleasure in him just as he was her. She wanted him to feel something! He had to feel something. He couldn't do this to her, make her this way, if he didn't know what it was like himself...  
  
His hands moved down and grabbed her beneath her thighs, pulling them up and making her wrap her legs around his waist. Their lips were still locked together, but as his fingers moved under the hem of her sweater, over her stomach and to her hard nipples she once again pulled her mouth away to take a breath. Resting her head back against the matter behind her she fully enjoyed his knowing gentleness as he sent waves of heat through her.  
  
Then she brought her head forward and made him look up at her, his caresses slowing as he met her gaze.  
  
"Not here," she whispered.  
  
He moved his hands to her hips and she removed her legs from around him in order to stand on her own two feet. Then they both moved their arms around the other and their mouths once more joined in relentless battle.  
  
The walk to Spike's crypt didn't feel like a very long one to the two making it - but it was. Spike couldn't keep his hands off her, it was simply impossible; and Buffy tried to be the grown-up, tried to make him stay away long enough for them to at least walk five feet - but one look from him and she found herself failing. Soon enough they were more or less one being as they made their bodies fit together, trying to walk at the same time as they frolicked in very heavy making-out.  
  
Fifty feet from the entrance to the crypt they stumbled and fell to the ground. Buffy was convinced they wouldn't move from the spot and it suited her just fine - she couldn't take this lack of his skin against hers much longer. Spike was the one who got them up again, got them moving. It wasn't the easiest thing he'd ever made himself do, but he knew somewhere in the back of his clouded mind, that she would appreciate it. Sooner or later she would.  
  
As he kicked the front door of the crypt open she jumped up and wrapped her legs around his waist once more, taking her lips from his for gracing the side of his throat and he forced himself to keep moving though she was making him feel like his legs wouldn't hold him up that much longer. Getting the second door open as well he walked through it with his eyelids heavy with desire and delight. He shut it behind them with the means of one foot.  
  
Her hands were pulling his T up and her fingers began to caress his chest, taking in as much of it as they could. Had his heart been beating it would have been stopping from the effort right about now.  
  
He sunk down in the armchair without any real knowledge of that being where they were. Her legs on either side of him and her hips grinding against his as her hands grabbed the hems of the duster and began to pull it off. He helped with shaky movements as his head was rested back and her tongue was painting patters over the sensitive skin of his throat.  
  
Once the duster was history she went for the T and ripped it over his head, removing the warmth of her mouth for the second it took her to perform the task and then it was back, trailing down the middle of his chest and up again - stopping by his left nipple and slowly teasing it, making him groan.  
  
Buffy felt the wanting for him jolt at the sound of it and she sat up, waiting until he opened his eyes and rested them in hers. His hands were on her waist, his thumbs gently going in small circles and she wanted more from the former... his touches. Moving her arms she took a hold of her sweater and pulled it over her head.  
  
His eyes softened and she furrowed her brow slightly; reaching out a hand, before she knew what she was doing, she traced his lower lip with her index finger. A small smile curled the corners of his mouth and he kissed the tip of her finger, sliding his hands up her sides and over her exposed breasts.  
  
Shivers hurried through her, sending messages to every nerve in her to be on alert and she closed her eyes; her hand falling from his lips and down over his chest as he kept moving his up over her shoulders and down her arms. The caress was slow and deliberate, going back down over her belly, sliding down her thighs and then up again. As his thumbs carefully pressed against the leather and the feel of them teased her clit she gasped, bent forward and caught his mouth with hers. Kissing him deeply she moved her arms around his neck and pressed their chests together.  
  
His hands went to her back, gliding over it.  
  
She suddenly pulled away, getting to her feet and he stared up at her in clear surprise and dislike until a smile split his face at the sight of her hands and their trembling attempts at getting the button of her pants undone. It didn't take him many moments to mimic her and stand as well. After a few more excruciatingly long seconds of fumbling they both got their shoes and the last pieces of clothing off of them, turning to face each other the room filled with silence.  
  
Buffy looked into his eyes and thought she could actually read them for the first time without any suspicion of all that they harbored being there for show... That twitch of longing, that subtle warmth, that stunning craving... She focused her mind on the latter, thinking it was all that mattered since he surely could see it reflect in her own gaze.  
  
He slowly approached her, taking the few steps dividing them and stopping an inch away from her, looking down at her. She carefully tilted her head back as she let her hands move up his arms and down his chest to his waist before she took the tiny step between them and fitted herself against him.  
  
This is getting dangerously close to something else than raw sex, some thought in the back of her head made itself known. Get it over with. Satisfy the need and then get out, don't look back. You don't...  
  
The thought was silenced as his hand softly placed itself on her cheek and she rested her eyes in his. Then he bent down and kissed her almost cautiously. Deepening it he moved his left hand around her and held her to him as his right hand moved from her cheek and to the nape of her neck. The dragged out feel of his tongue as it gently played with hers was driving her out of her mind, sending the waves of heat into a frenzy within her.  
  
He kept the kiss slow as he moved them carefully up to the sarcophagus, his hands grabbing her waist and lifting her to sit on the edge of it. She parted her legs, giving him room to step close again. He did. Making her lie back he followed, placing himself on top of her and the kiss began to grow harder as his hands slid up her arms and locked his fingers with hers.  
  
He moved his hips forward, gliding into her and filling her. Her eyelids opened and she threw her head back, drawing a sharp breath as he began to move inside of her. They were both moaning, locked together in pleasure for the climb toward release.  
  
The world stood still except for them. Time obeyed them and came to a stop. No sounds except for that of their bodies, of her blood rushing.  
  
It had been building ever since the day they were rescued from the basement, from the spell. This had been there, underneath everything they had said and done together... Buffy knew it had. She had so needed to push him away, but in actuality she had done so much to keep him close. To secure the arrival of this moment, where they were one and all that mattered was how it made them feel.  
  
How does it make me feel? How does it make me feel?  
  
The question was stubborn, yet tentative.  
  
She knew, sooner or later, she would have to answer it. But not now. Not now. Right now she needed to listen to the language of his body, and what it was saying to hers. Soft promises, sweet dreams of times to come - just like this one. She was so wrapped up in him it scared her, because it made her let him be wrapped up in her.  
  
Her breathing was trembling and done with effort, her heart racing in her chest and her body feeling nothing but the billion sensations he instilled into every single part of it. She had closed her eyes and now she opened them again, him opening his as well and they looked at each other as they both began to grow close.  
  
Their hands were clasped together so tight their knuckles were practically white and her body was glistening with sweat. As the explosion hit them both their eyes grew slightly wider and then they moved their heads forward, their lips crashing together and their hands unfolding for their arms to wrap around the other.  
  
Their rocking slowed, Spike ending the kiss and moving his mouth to rest it at the side of her throat. Feeling her heart beat, listening to how hard it was working and then moving his head to place a careful kiss at the spot of it.  
  
Buffy blinked at the feel of it, the aftermath of the high she had reached was still evident in every cell of her and she enjoyed it in quiet fascination... There was nothing she could compare to this, to him deep inside of her. Nothing would ever come close. As his lips connected with her skin she moved her head and looked down at the top of his scalp, the locks now curly and actually quite cu-...  
  
Don't you DARE think that about him, she warned herself and she suppressed a sudden need to smile as he turned his face to hers and met her gaze.  
  
He pulled himself up, shaking his head a little and she nodded her agreement.  
  
This was not-thinking-of-the-consequences, not-caring-if-there-were-any, we- might-just-as-well-be- fighting-to-the-death-cause-this-is-just-as-hopeless - with a cherry on top.  
  
But when you kiss me like that... she thought to herself, holding his gaze and he smiled as though he had just heard what she had been thinking before he moved his head forward - and kissed her.  
  
Just like that.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Hi, darlings! Hope all is well and no, I'm not writing a dear John or Jane here. Sorry. ;) This chapter's a bit late, I know it - but I've had to deal with stuff around me and you know how it is! Argh. Well, I finally finished this chapter and I'm back on track again so. :) I hope you liked it... something tells me most of you probably did. Hehe.  
  
However, I would like to stress - this chapter did not come about in any way, shape or form due to some of the readers writing how tired they were of all the UST all the time and their begging or demanding some actual s-e- x. This has been coming, apparently, for quite some time and it was solely my own decision to make this chapter the way it is. I'm sorry, my little wonderfuls, but it will always be my choice. I personally LOVE the UST and I believe I've stated that before. However, complain away - might relieve some of the tension there for ya. ;)  
  
I wanted to make these thank yous the personal kind - but I find myself simply lacking the time today! I'm very sorry because I can't believe the amount of reviews I've gotten (nor that I'm still getting it!). I can't ever thank you enough and so the least I can do is give y'all the kinda shoutout you deserve. Next time, k?  
  
Special thanks to Von, Pin, charisma1525, wolf116, Almost Perfect, Heather, Renee', Captain, LizDarcy (for all FIVE, you rock girl!), Kat, Alyssa, msu, Liz, Shaelune, TheRealiz, Rachel, mulderluva, Julia, Night, Pine, waterdevil, VampiresKiss, phyllis (for both!!! Thank you!) and vuks (I just gotta say wow and thanks!) ;) - to ALL of you WOW and THANKS!!! Seriously, where would I be without you? Amazing feedback, thank you so much! I'm very happy, yes! ;)  
  
To Julia - I appreciate wake-up calls. I need to get my ass moving and go through what I've written so far for a refreshing editing process. I have to say though, I don't believe my spelling's HORRIBLE. If it was indeed HORRIBLE I don't think you could've gone twenty-six chapters without sending me an email about it, telling me you'd be back once I'd actually fixed the problems. I do want a spell-check for my computer, however, to help with those mistakes you make when you're writing too fast and with the blindness you acquire after writing for two hours straight and you immediately go to correct and edit. Not a fine idea. Little things you would frown upon a month later are the little things that slip on by. I know piece is spelt like this and not like peice, a very common mistake with me which I am in the middle of remedying. I also know, from the chapters I have reread, that there are mistakes, but I have to disagree - and this has nothing to do with pride being scorched here - if my spelling was HORRIBLE then I don't believe I would willingly put my work up for display. However, thank you and I hope you will be back. A.M.L.  
  
Thanks to all and to all a good day. See you soon!  
  
AllMyLove, Annie. 


	28. Encore!

***********************************TRApPeD********************************** ****  
  
Twenty-Eight: Encore!  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-05-07  
  
**************************************************************************** *****  
  
Day Twenty-Six.  
  
9.44 a.m.  
  
When the crypt had begun to fill with restrained light the Slayer and the Vamp had both been fast asleep.  
  
Now Buffy woke with effort - since she had only slept five hours and her eyelids weren't exactly working with her. Her cheek rested comfortably against his shoulder, her left hand was on his chest and his arm was around her, holding her to him.  
  
She moved her head to gaze lazily up at him, then she smiled a small smile before she pulled herself up and nestled her face against the side of his throat.  
  
Sleep, however, proved just as fickle as his character as it eluded her with the speed of the light stroking the walls of the room from outside; longing to claim another easy target, knowing it would not.  
  
Her eyes shot open and she got herself into a seated position faster than you can say I-love-American-Pie. Swinging her legs over the side of the sarcophagus - thinking how strange it was that she wasn't completely broken from head to toe, given the sleeping arrangements. Sitting up the next second had her groaning with pain from the ache as it made itself known throughout her limbs, and she shook her head at herself as she slid off the sheet covered stone and stood on both feet.  
  
What are you doing here? she muttered to herself in her mind.  
  
Spike drew a deep breath behind her, easing his eyes open as she glanced over at him before walking up to the foot of the artifact on which he was still lying. He met her gaze close to dreamily as a much too contented smile spread over his lips.  
  
"Hey, baby," he greeted, voice close to a purr and she huffed, reaching down and grabbing a second sheet, which lie tangled at her feet.  
  
Wrapping it around her she grumbled:  
  
"I can't BELIEVE I fell asleep. God, what time is it? Oh, damn it."  
  
Stumbling up to the armchair she reached down and grabbed her sweater off the floor, straightening her back his arms glided around her and the feel of them made her close her eyes. Biting her lower lip she furrowed her brow and then squirmed, as though she actually wanted release from him - which she didn't.  
  
"Where you going?" he mumbled, burying his nose in her locks and against the back of her head.  
  
She shivered as his hands slid over her stomach, the sheet not protection enough from how badly she already wanted to turn around and...  
  
Oh, no. No, no. Nonono. No. You've spent one minute in his... very close vicinity and you're already sweating? Come on!  
  
She cleared her throat, opening her eyes and stepping away from him. Though it didn't make him remove his hold, he merely followed and then pulled her close again. His mouth finding a spot to the left of her neck it just had to kiss and she bit her lower lip hard enough to draw blood as her knees began to grow weak.  
  
"Where'd you think you're going?" he semi-repeated his previous question, murmuring.  
  
"Out... Home... To school," she sighed, tilting her head back as his lips kept exploring already familiar enough skinscape. "Spike," she then protested, turning her head to look at him over her shoulder.  
  
She really shouldn't have. His lips abandoned their journey and met hers right before he deepened the kiss. She kissed him back with the fever beginning to burn a hole through her thoughts, turning around to link her arms around his neck, pressing herself to him. Their tongues danced languorously and the sheet graced the floor as Spike tugged it down.  
  
"I have to..." she tried; mouth still to his and he nodded.  
  
"I know," he assured, wrapping his arms around her and lifting her as he carried her to the armchair.  
  
"I can't..." she once more attempted an objection, but he merely sat down on the piece of furniture, making her straddle him and as he entered her they both drew a sharp breath.  
  
"I know," he moaned, deepening the kiss again and she began to move her hips, riding him slowly.  
  
His hands moved up her back and she pulled her mouth from his as her pace grew slightly harder, his lips connecting with the skin below the base of her throat and her breathing was growing heavier. Running her hands through his hair she leaned her head back as he captured one of her nipples with his mouth.  
  
She was already close, and when she turned her head to look down at him as he looked up at her the dazed expression in his eyes showed her that he was too. Keeping eye contact the buildup began, increasing as they practically stared at each other and then his hands clasped her waist and her fingers grabbed fists of his hair, their eyes growing being the only testament to the coursing pleasure running through them.  
  
She had been holding her breath without realizing it. Now she released it, exhaling silently as her gaze still rested in his. A smirk grew onto his lips and she felt a twitch of anxiety at the sight of it; an anxiety she couldn't place the reason for. With it came a swirl of well-known annoyance and she patted it welcomingly on the head as she gave him an impatient scowl and pulled away from him. He made a face as he glided out of her and then he sighed, leaning back as he put his hands behind his head and watched her pull on her panties.  
  
"I think you bloody well could," he remarked, receiving a glare from her which had him raise one eyebrow questioningly.  
  
"Don't talk to me. Don't look at me. Don't even TRY to manipulate me," she replied, pulling her pants on and zipping them up before buttoning them, looking for the place where she had dropped her sweater.  
  
"Manipulate you?!" he wondered innocently as he rose to his feet. "I'm bloody offended here, Slayer," he then stated, grabbing her wrist as she wanted to walk up to the sweater lying a few feet away on the floor and making her face him as he added: "No, really... That hurts."  
  
She ground her teeth, not willing to meet his gaze again, but even more unwilling to show such a clear sign of weakness. And so she did look up and her heart began to beat harder in her chest. What was it? What did he have that enabled him to do this to her?  
  
"I don't CARE," she huffed, wringing her wrist free and walking away from him.  
  
Picking up her sweater she pulled it on and looked around to make sure that she hadn't forgotten anything. Coming to the conclusion that she hadn't she swirled around and took a step toward the door when he said:  
  
"Don't go."  
  
Her heart jumped. She swallowed; then faced him slowly. He was three feet away and glorious in appearance. But she couldn't listen to him. Her mind disregarded that and she found herself asking:  
  
"Why?"  
  
He smiled a little.  
  
"The eternal question," he said.  
  
"Ever wonder why it's the lasting kind?" she retorted meaningfully and the smile grew into a smirk before he replied:  
  
"'Cause it's IN every sodding question, perhaps?"  
  
At that she couldn't help but smirk as well, then she grabbed a hold on herself and shook her head.  
  
"I can't stay," she said and he cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"Why?" he asked, emphasis on the word and she smiled again.  
  
Killing it off she decided to really stop encouraging him and just get herself the hell out of there. What was he doing, acting all... the way he was acting?! Making her all... relaxed. She didn't want to be relaxed. She wanted to be on the edge around him. Expecting him to... do stuff. Bad stuff. Not baaad stuff as in being a much too great kisser or having some sort of magic in his touch that made her so badly need to be near him. No, the evil kind of bad. The dark, scheming, untrustworthy kind of bad that she had always associated with him.  
  
WOULD always. No past tenses, none at all.  
  
What's WRONG with me?! she asked herself, granting him another glare.  
  
He tilted his head to one side as he eyed her closely. She clenched her jaws together.  
  
"I can't stay 'cause... I can't," she answered him, taking another step forward and this time he did as well, making her stop and turn back to him.  
  
"Not good enough," he said and she gave him a look before taking the last few steps to the door and once again he slipped his arms around her from behind.  
  
"You think this'll work twice?" she asked, hating the close to teasing undertone in her voice, despising how she was already failing in staying strong. "Spike..." she mumbled. "Let me go."  
  
He bit his lower lip, trying to keep himself from saying anything that could possibly lead her to believe that there was more to all of this than he would ever admit. But he was beaten down by the probability of her leaving unless he could produce a good enough reason for her to stay...  
  
As if that would ever happen.  
  
All right then. A good enough WAY of MAKING her stay.  
  
"And then what?" he asked quietly, fighting back the very real longing behind every word he then continued: "Will you come back?"  
  
"Why? You want me to?" she asked and he smiled.  
  
"Now, don't get any bloody ideas in that pretty little head of yours," he replied, letting her go for putting his hands on her shoulders and turning her around, making her look into his eyes.  
  
She raised her eyebrows.  
  
"Whatever would those ideas be?" she wondered and his smile widened.  
  
"I don't WANT you around, I just HAVE to have you around," he answered and she smiled tentatively as well.  
  
"Funny," she then said sarcastically.  
  
"Thought you'd deliver a 'why'," he pointed out and her smile turned into a smirk.  
  
"Fine. Why?"  
  
He stepped closer, leaned forward and kissed her. As he pulled away she opened her eyes and shook her head. He gave her a questioning look.  
  
"Not good enough," she stated and he moved his arms around her, pressing her to him as he joined their lips again; deepening the kiss as she wrapped her arms around his neck and returned the kiss passionately.  
  
Damn it, Buffy!  
  
Moving her head back she shook it.  
  
"I have to..." she mumbled again and this time he finished the sentence for her with:  
  
"Stay. You have to stay. All day. With me."  
  
She shook her head again, opening her eyes and resting them in his as she said:  
  
"You know I can't."  
  
"YOU know you won't," he muttered.  
  
"So stop trying to make me," she murmured, pushing herself out of his arms and taking a step back.  
  
"'Trying to make you' would be chaining you to the wall," he replied, licking his lips as his gaze drifted down her clothed form before he added: "I'm all for bondage, love... but right now I just wanna get to know you better."  
  
Her eyebrows rose high at that, her eyes in his as he stepped up to her again.  
  
"What's that supposed to m-..." she began, and then his left hand moved her hair away from her shoulder and he leaned forward, trailing the soft skin of it with his mouth for the second time that morning, and for the second time her knees were betraying her.  
  
His hands were gliding behind her back and up her spine, her own - in an involuntary reflex - placing themselves softly on his upper arms.  
  
"But... you already know me too well," she murmured and his movements stopped.  
  
"Is that right?" he asked quietly and she swallowed hard, her heart beating heavily.  
  
"Yes," she then whispered.  
  
"And is that the real reason for your hasty exit?" he asked, voice still lowered as he pulled himself up to face her, still having her in his arms.  
  
She stared up at him; her expression so open it took his non-existing breath away, then a veil fell over it as she got herself out of his embrace, saying:  
  
"My time's up."  
  
"Well, then I bloody demand an encore!" he disagreed and she suppressed the smile successfully this time, simply shook her head. "Buffy," he pleaded as she walked up to the door. "Stay with me."  
  
"What's the use?" she asked, glancing back at him. "Really?"  
  
He had no answer, no clever comeback. He could only watch her as she left, his heart sinking at the sight of the empty doorway.  
  
***  
  
12.15 p.m.  
  
How could she have given in?  
  
She was furious with herself, and still she couldn't seem to restrain herself from smiling a small smile whenever she thought of the previous night. She felt so good now; better than she had in such a long time. The tension was relieved and she felt as though she could finally breathe. That, however, was changed every two seconds when she realized who it was that was able to make her feel this way...  
  
Spike.  
  
Why couldn't she just delete him from her mind? Why couldn't she get him off it; out of it? He was this on-going static which just seemed set on disrupting any train of thought she might have. For better or worse it seemed some part of her had decided to make him a permanent resident of her head and it didn't matter how much she shook it to get him out of there.  
  
She finished her lunch and threw the paper from the sandwich away in a nearby trashcan, getting to her feet and grabbing the paper cup still partially filled with lukewarm coffee before she walked out of the café and toward the college.  
  
Glancing at her wristwatch she realized that her next class was three minutes from starting and she picked up her pace.  
  
***  
  
12.38 p.m.  
  
Spike sat back in the armchair, trying to watch "Passions", but finding himself only able to reminisce of what had happened between him and the Slayer. Between Buffy and him... Between him and her. Between them.  
  
The things she did. The things she let him do...  
  
But where had the tenderness erupted from? Last night he hadn't been able to hold it back, to repress the still lingering yearning for her understanding, for her realization that something within him had been irreversibly touched by her and now he was too far gone to ever go back to what he had been...  
  
Useless, he murmured to himself. This is all for bloody nothing, you sodding wanker, she'll never be yours. Take a good, hard look at yourself and be honest - you think that you couldn't kill again if you only got the buggering chip out? Come on, you long for it. You dream about it. That rush of blood pouring over your tongue, the sweetness of it. You crave it.  
  
"No!" he exclaimed, at first not even realizing it had been his own voice which had said the word, and then his eyes grew.  
  
What was he doing now? Denying his nature for that bitch? What the hell was he to her if not an easy lay... She didn't want him. She didn't need him. She'd probably scampered off to spend the bloody afternoon with Captain Cardboard. And what the sod did he care, anyways. It wasn't like his two blue eyes made them literal - he could still see perfectly well that what he was setting himself up for was a serious wake-up call.  
  
And once the clock rang he was going to break free. He knew he would. And then there'd be no stopping him. He would leave Sunnydale with her dead, and...  
  
He shook his head at himself. There was no way. He knew it. There was simply no way that that would ever happen.  
  
He wanted the hope killed off. There was an eternal voice in the back of his head whispering of someday and what if and maybe and if she could only see...  
  
She would never see! She would never want to see.  
  
He closed his eyes and bit back the tears just as the door opened and he rose to his feet in startled surprise as he opened his eyes again and rested them in hers.  
  
She had no clue as to what she thought she was doing, but as she was able to look at him she knew the decision had been the right one.  
  
"Thought you had class," he grumbled and she nodded.  
  
"I did. Couldn't concentrate," she replied and he blinked, unsure of what he should interpret this as.  
  
"So you came here for some one-on-one?" he finally got out, the smirk he had planned only coming out half-heartedly as he was growing nervous in light of what she was really doing there.  
  
She swallowed, her head buzzing with warnings and pushes in a hundred different directions and aspects of the situation with which she didn't want to deal right now. All that mattered was the way he was looking at her right then, right there... She hadn't realized how much she had wanted his eyes upon her ever since she left the crypt that morning - until now.  
  
"Can you keep a secret?" she asked and he stared at her as she approached him. "Can you?" she repeated as she stopped before him and he nodded slowly. "Good," she mumbled as she stepped into him, wrapped her arms around his neck and stood on her toes; joining their lips and deepening the kiss forcefully.  
  
This is the first step on a road which can only possibly lead to damnation and torment; you do realize that, don't you? the reasoning voice spoke up.  
  
I'll take that road any day of the week, she retorted. If I can walk it with him...  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
What joy it is, all of this. I can't think of anything nice enough to say to you so I'll just take it as it comes, k? ;) You rock, big time. You're the Alfa Romeo, Grand Canyon, double cheeseburger with everything, chocolate cake with whipped cream and melting vanilla ice-cream, grandest of all the grand people out there, best imitation of the earth on which we walk, ROCK! ;P Thank you!  
  
Specialty, hugging thanks to Pin (I'm glad!) :), Juliya (hey, it's cool. I mean, you have your freedom of speech, girl! ;) Really happy it was "worth it" though and *lol* to that promise) ;), Renee' (oh, girl, you're so nice to me. I didn't mean to come off all cranky, but I'm really glad you saw it in your heart to reassure and encourage. Thanks a lot for that! I luv it that you luv it!) :), Von (hehe, thank YOU! Happyhappy!) ;), ello (hey, thanks for that, and for the understanding comment. I'm glad you like. Thanks for the tip!) :), Alyssa (oxo back, girl, and thanks for that! Thrilled you approve!) ;), Shaelune (a vote of confidence is always well received. *smile* Thanks, my friend!) ;), Mel (hehe, I'll try my best at the smacking and hey, it IS about frickin' time!!!) ;P, B_a_d (great!) ;), wolf116 (and I'm all for it! *licks her lips* We'll see about CC, k? *cackles*) ;), Julia (oh, boy, I really didn't wanna sound unappreciative of your criticism! I mean, I really DO appreciate it, totally. I need it! I just wasn't sure I thought it very constructively formulated. it felt more like a badgering - and I suppose that may have been my pride getting a thorn in its side, but you know! I just thought the "horrible" bit was a little overdone. :) Oh, and yeah.ahem, making up my own words I do agree is a big no-no. *blushes* Never fully thanked you for the awesome dedication of liking this story enough to actually read through the whole thing at once! That's just really great. And that comment about the storytelling WAS a light beam in your previous review, as well as this one, and I do say thanks a lot for that! Hope you're still approving!) :), Jen (ah, a kindred - and thanks!) Heather (*smiles widely*), charisma1525 (oh, thank you, thank you! And wow, thank you!) ;), Charlie (my friend, I trust all is well. Oh, no need to worry. *smiles* Life gets in the way sometimes! Grr life! And *LOL*! Well, just a bit.yeah.) ;), penmom (great with new names and thanks for great support! You so put words to what I go through and ain't it just the worst when you go blind like that? I really don't like it. Oh, I'd love to read some of your work! I just have a few to go through first, but I will surely, surely try to make it as fast as possible!) :), Pine (Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps is on my shelf and don't worry, I love it! I'll review it soon! And onto your review - I'm just so glad you're still liking! Well.I hope this was good as well. hehe) :) and last but not least Johanna (aw, I'm glad girl! Hope you did this as well!).  
  
To all - LOVE and HUGS and TEDDY BEARS and ALL THE GOOD THINGS TO FALL UPON YOU WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT, MOST DESPERATELY NEED IT AND that's it. ;)  
  
Until next time, thank you and good night!  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	29. Let There Be Light

***********************************TRApPeD********************************** ****  
  
Twenty-Nine: Let There Be Light  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-05-09  
  
**************************************************************************** *****  
  
Day Twenty-Seven.  
  
7.35 a.m.  
  
Spike let the index finger and middle finger of his right hand trail the small cavity leading from the base of her ribcage to her bellybutton. Circling the latter slowly he directed his gaze on her face. Her eyes were closed. Something he didn't dare see as a smile curled either corner of her luscious mouth and as always he couldn't resist leaning forward, placing a kiss in the corner closest to him - which happened to be the right.  
  
Buffy turned her head to him, parted her lips and kissed him back cautiously, deepening it in a dragged out way that - during the past eighteen hours she had learned - drove him close to insanity. She smiled, still kissing him, as his fingers slipped to grasp her waist, his tongue growing demanding which let her know just how easily she got to him. She relished in this kind of control over him; she never would have thought that she could make him the way she actually kept making him.  
  
Powerless...  
  
Not that she had developed any sort of defense against HIM in turn, not even close. He reeled her in as easy as one glance was, but the way he made her feel - as though she for the first time was fully in her body and experienced it with him - had her unable to feel any regret.  
  
She had come to him because of this, because the bond of passion and pleasure tentatively forming between them was undeniable; and also, she had to admit it, because she had been curious. Where would it lead? How long would it take for it to snap, or disperse? Why was it even able to exist in the first place?  
  
No, she didn't want to feel relaxed around him. She didn't want to look at him and have the need to reach out one hand and slide it over his muscular torso, one of his biceps, or through those bleached curls of his be simply too great to suppress. She didn't want to want him... but the fact remained that she did.  
  
Having him touching her sent the strangest calm through her, and she kept lying to herself that it didn't, but she understood that she wouldn't be able to do so forever. The warmth in his eyes kept reaching out to spread into her, through her; and she couldn't fight the way he made her feel when his touches were as gentle as they had been for the past three hours. He made her feel desired, but most of all he made her feel beautiful.  
  
He kept looking at her in something close to awe, and she couldn't tell the origin of it. His gaze was tender as it stroked her skin in the same manner as his hands did and the question "why" seemed very eligible in the context.  
  
Though the night prior to this one had held its share of surprises on the sex front; his slow kisses and his careful eagerness had been very different from how he had acted in the basement. Then it had been about owning, about breaking her down, about proving her wrong. The night prior had not been.  
  
And the afternoon, evening, night and early morning she had spent with him; in his arms, underneath, on top, breathing or barely able to... those hours had proven to her what she had suspected all along - that as a lover he was attentive. Sure, it had been rough at times - but in a good way. In an exciting way. And to, in the following moment, be reduced into excruciating slowness.  
  
He ruled her; he broke her down so easily.  
  
How could she battle him with her hands when the feel of his cool skin made her ache, had her trembling? How could she win when such a big part of her was dying to lose, and let him conquer her to the very last cell of her?  
  
She couldn't - could she?  
  
She opened her eyes before pulling her face an inch away from his, waiting until he reluctantly eased his eyes open as well. Then a small smile, which he couldn't take as anything else, formed on her lips and he returned it hesitantly. There had been a few of those, though the long glances she gave him so filled with clear desire were less scarce, and he admitted to enjoying those just one notch below how incredible the way she was looking at him right now made him feel.  
  
Somewhere, deep down there in the green, lay those somedays and what ifs and maybes and when she rested her eyes in his like that - then she could see. She couldn't help but see.  
  
They hadn't spoken one word in four hours.  
  
During that time their bodies and senses had had the most powerful and intimate conversation to which they had ever been the humble subjects to; and so words were deemed unnecessary.  
  
Though neither one of them had any concept of time, of course. They could tell it somewhat by the sun setting, shadows spreading to give way for pure darkness and the need for candlelight. And then the candles slow burning down to melt into sad heaps of white, cream and crimson. Soon after that the shadows were on the run, chased by building light and gradually the crypt let scattered rays grace its floor through tattered windowpanes.  
  
Now the morning was gracing the atmosphere and Buffy suddenly shuddered, the chill claiming her as it ran its fingers up her back.  
  
"Cold?" he broke the silence and she smiled again.  
  
He swallowed, feeling all thumbs at how to act now. Where to go from there.  
  
Then she slid one hand up behind his neck, propping herself up on one elbow before she moved her body closer to his.  
  
He swallowed harder.  
  
Her lips gently graced his and a jolt went through him, his heart beating for a second before her face moved to nestle against the side of his throat, her hand gliding down from his neck and over his back as she pressed herself to him. He let one hand bury itself in her locks as he held her close, closing his eyes and feeling truly blessed that he was granted this moment.  
  
"No," she murmured; lips to the side of his throat and he drew a small breath at the sensation. "Okay, so maybe a little," she then added and he chuckled quietly as she pulled her head back to look up at him again.  
  
She smiled wider at the sight of the unmasked enjoyment on his features, and the expression merely widened as he seemed to grow self-conscious.  
  
"What's so bloody amusing?" he finally muttered and she giggled, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck and then kissing him on the mouth softly.  
  
"I thought you'd have some snazzy comeback like 'Let's see if I can't bloody warm you up', or 'Come here and I'll make you all warm and snug', or..."  
  
"Okay," he interrupted, not able to hold back a smile as well. "Sorry I disappointed," he then added and she cocked an eyebrow.  
  
She moved her head forward and this time she caught his lower lip between the both of hers, her tongue running over it before she kissed him deeply. He let hear a muffled moan as he kissed her back, rolling her over and sliding into place between her thighs.  
  
"Apology not accepted," she mumbled and he smirked, letting his mouth travel down the side of her throat. "You'll have to find another way to..." she added, trailing off as he moved his hips forward and slowly entered her.  
  
"Warm you up?" he asked and she smiled distractedly, nodding.  
  
"Make me snug," she murmured and his smirk broadened as he began to take, and give.  
  
***  
  
8.16 a.m.  
  
"Hungry?" he wondered and she turned her head to him where she lay beside him.  
  
Then she groaned.  
  
"Yes!" she confirmed. "You shouldn't have said anything, though," she added as she watched him sit up and move his legs to the side of the sarcophagus. He gave her a questioning glance over one shoulder and she raised her eyebrows. "Well, you haven't got anything human friendly in here, have you?" she remarked and he smirked.  
  
Then he rose to his feet, turned to her and made a small, theatrical bow before he raised one finger and prayed her patience. Once that was done he practically - but not quite - removed himself from sight as he walked into the small resemblance of a kitchen at the far end of his abode, beginning to open cabinets and the small fridge. Buffy furrowed her brow, wondering what he was up to. Turning herself around she placed herself on her belly to better be able to keep some sort of eye on his on-goings.  
  
Soon enough he re-emerged with a tray in his hands and her eyebrows shot up again.  
  
"You are full of surprises," she said as he put the object down before her and she sat up, eyeing the bread, fruit, the tall glass of milk and a stash of...  
  
"Marshmallows?" she asked, looking up at him and he smiled, grabbing one and throwing it into the air in a perfect aim at his mouth, chewing it as he answered:  
  
"Can't get enough of 'em."  
  
She smiled as well, finding it coming easy this time, and then she nearly blushed before removing her gaze from his. Reaching out her hand she grabbed the nearby lying sheet and pulled it into her lap to cover herself up slightly. She had suddenly felt so bare before him.  
  
So, he likes marshmallows! What's the big deal?!  
  
Clearing her throat she took a grape and brought it to her lips, biting into it. Spike watched her and then arched one eyebrow.  
  
"Hungry, eh?" he then remarked and she smiled again, putting the whole thing in her mouth. "Atta girl," he commended, having her merely wrinkle her nose at him as a reply.  
  
He took a seat facing her, grabbing a fist's worth of marshmallows as well as the cup of blood he had prepared for himself. Buffy watched him closely in something resembling abhor as she anticipated him to blend the candy in with the food. He didn't, merely gobbled some up before taking a mouthful of the thick liquid and she let out the air she had been holding, making him look at her. She shrugged dismissively, taking a piece of the bread and beginning to chew on it thoughtfully as she rested her gaze in his.  
  
"Guess you didn't have this problem with Dru, huh?" she asked and he choked on the blood he had just been swallowing at the mention of his ex as well as the casual way in which it had been delivered. "Well, I mean... You didn't have to buy - oh, pardon me - steal food to keep around at the chance of her dropping by," the Slayer added innocently and now he smirked.  
  
"For your well-needed information, love," he then stated, "none of that was brought here for YOUR sake."  
  
"Oh, really?" she asked and he nodded firmly. "Got any other little mortal lovers stashed below?" she wondered, reaching out a hand as she spoke and trailing it up his right arm.  
  
"I think it's pretty sodding safe to say that no matter what we may be - we're NOT 'lovers'," he shot and she removed her hand with a sinking feeling in her chest which she managed to ignore completely before she gave a small shrug.  
  
"So... you eat this stuff?" she wondered, gesturing to the tray and he smiled again.  
  
"Sure I eat it, if I'm in the mood," he replied and she returned the smile.  
  
"How normal of you," she said and the smile turned into a smirk. "I know, I know," she then sighed. "Whatever the two of us may be it sure as hell ain't 'normal'," she finished and he laughed at that, nodding.  
  
"Ain't it the sad truth?" he asked and they both grew serious.  
  
Buffy wasn't sure what to say next. Spike really wasn't either.  
  
"You and Dru," she tried the subject again, having his eyes in hers immediately. "I guess you had some pretty wild times, huh?" she added and he smiled widely. "Ugh, I shouldn't have asked," she shuddered.  
  
"Then why did you?" he inquired and she shrank underneath his searching gaze until she managed to get out:  
  
"I hope I'm not missing anything important at school... Studying is sucha drag. If I have to make up for info lost then..." she was interrupted by him leaning forward and kissing her on the lips. "I'm not sure how to make the time," she finished her sentence, eyes still closed as he sat back again.  
  
Then she opened them and looked at him in silence for a few moments before she shook her head.  
  
"What are we doing?" she asked him and he tilted his head a little to one side.  
  
Then he threw himself forward and tilted her back, making her giggle loudly as she fought to get lose. Though this time he pinned her down and she looked up at him as he let his face hover above hers. Kissing the tip of her nose, then her forehead and last her lips he then smiled.  
  
"Wanna ask me again?" he wondered silently and she smiled widely, returning the kiss he then gave her before he placed himself by her side and she moved to place her head on his chest.  
  
They were quiet for a little while, both content in that and both too comfortable to ponder any further on their comfort. And then he opened his big mouth as he asked:  
  
"What does the Captain think about all this?" He felt how she grew stiff against him, but he couldn't shut himself up now; this had been on his mind to and fro and he needed to hear what she had to say. "Don't you think taking off time from your busy love-dee-love schedule to come spend it with me might make him..." She slowly sat up and he turned his head to look at her as she ran one hand through her locks, getting them out of her face. "...miss you," he then finished his sentence and she shook her head a little before crawling to the edge of the sarcophagus and removing herself from it, standing on both legs she said:  
  
"I have to go."  
  
She wasn't looking at him, and he bit his jaws together in growing defeat as he watched her walk into the room, gathering up her clothes as she went and then going up to the armchair to begin to dress. He scooted to the side of the sculpted stone as well, getting to his feet and approaching her as she pulled her sweater over her head.  
  
"You understand I bloody had to ask, don't you?" he wondered and she shook her head again before she turned to face him, her expression suddenly distant and cold.  
  
She was pushing him away with her gaze and he stopped five feet from her as he read the storm going on within her. What was she so scared of? He couldn't understand why she acted so cornered.  
  
"Look, what goes on between Riley and me is none of your business," she stated and he blinked, reaching down and grabbing his pants lying on the floor, tugging them on and jumping into them he buttoned them with rather angered movements before he rested his eyes in hers once more.  
  
"Sleeping with me for nearly one bloody day straight and it's 'none of my business'?!" he exclaimed.  
  
"Like you said, Spike: we're not 'lovers'; so why the hell should I tell you anything? Apart from the right directions, that is," she shot and he stared at her before he replied coolly:  
  
"I don't think you EVER needed to do that, love."  
  
She ground her teeth, crossing her arms over her chest as she struggled to collect herself.  
  
"I have to go," she then repeated, turning and walking up to the door.  
  
"Buffy," he stopped her and she drew a rather shaky breath as she closed her eyes, waiting to hear what he had to say with her back still to him. "You're just gonna leave?"  
  
"Yes," she answered him, turning partially to him and holding his gaze firmly.  
  
"Just like that?"  
  
She looked at him and felt like her heart was breaking into two pieces as two sides of her struggled for recognition. She knew she couldn't stay, she had completely gone too far with this already; she had forgotten about everything that waited outside. She couldn't let herself do that anymore, she had to take control... but, God, how she didn't want to go.  
  
"Yeah," she now replied. "Just like that."  
  
"Wear and tear?" he murmured and she swallowed.  
  
"I can't do this right now," she merely replied and he halted her second attempt at exiting as he yelled:  
  
"No, you just do ME, don't you?!"  
  
She gave him a sharp glare at that.  
  
"I haven't heard any complaints so far, why start now?" she retorted and his eyebrows rose.  
  
"'Cause you're just about out the sodding door, that's why!" he then raised his voice again and she bit her jaws together hard as she met his furious gaze.  
  
"And what is this to you?" she shot. "What am I to you, Spike? You're milking this situation for every last drabble and I'd bet you anything I can tell you why." He gave her a look to give it her best shot and she took a step forward as she stated: "So that you can brag to all your little social buddies over cards and liquor that yeah, you aimed high too - once."  
  
He met her half way and his eyes were shooting lightening as hers displayed thunder, their stances so rigid you couldn't have imagined they had only a short minute earlier been wrapped in each other's arms.  
  
"I don't have any bleeding 'social buddies' to brag to anymore, Slayer," he snarled. "Remember?" he added, tapping the back of his head meaningfully and she rolled her eyes at his melodramatics before he continued with: "And as for aiming high... I've aimed higher."  
  
"I hate you. I really do hate you," she murmured.  
  
"So leave," he grumbled. "See if I care."  
  
"You haven't claimed your prize," she suddenly remarked and he blinked as he looked down at her. "You won the Truth or Dare... So claim it now and be done with it."  
  
He could see the growing plea in her eyes and he realized, to his own amazement, that she wanted him to claim HER.  
  
"You said you weren't something to be had," he reminded, voice lowered as he grew very aware of how close they were standing to one another. Their chests were practically touching, her body heat extending, her scent circling and binding... It was poison, and it ran through his veins easily.  
  
I can't do this. I can't do this. Not again. I'll never break free of him. I'll be stuck in here forever...  
  
She took a step back, and he watched the plea reduce to nothing as her eyes hardened slowly. The determination on her was palpable and he drew an unnoticeable breath at the fact of it, and the fact that once again he stood as the loser before her.  
  
"I'm not," she confirmed silently.  
  
"Are you going to HIM?" he muttered and she looked up at him.  
  
"You said you don't believe in jealousy," she mimicked his matter-of-factly tone and he cocked an eyebrow as she turned and walked back up to the door.  
  
This time she opened it, stepped through it and left him all alone again.  
  
He couldn't stop her.  
  
And something told him this was how it would always be.  
  
Her leaving.  
  
Him watching.  
  
As he was left behind.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Oh, as always it is so great to access my account and have a stack of reviews just waiting to be read! Thank you! I'm so happy you're enjoying the Spuffyness. hope you did this time as well. :)  
  
Special thanks to Jen, Mel, Captain, Renee', Rachel, Von, Pine, charisma1525, Alyssa, wolf116, Phyllis (for both!), Heather and Johanna! Thanks a loooooot you guys, really appreciated! I'm really, really glad you still approve and hope this will prove no exception!  
  
Oh, and a few of you seemed to not take to kindly to the teddy bear pun and all and so hey, I'll share my Spike-bot with you, k? I'll ship him over tomorrow! Oh, and don't even attempt kicking him outta your bed, even if you are that kinda twisted person. He gets really grumpy and might actually tie you to a chair and. oh, wait. What am I saying?! You can play Kick The Spike all you like! ;P  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	30. The Last Moment's Peace

***********************************TRApPeD********************************** ****  
  
Thirty: The Last Moment's Peace  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-05-12  
  
**************************************************************************** *****  
  
Day Twenty-Five.  
  
8.49 a.m.  
  
Buffy closed the door to her dorm room; sighing with relief that it was empty before walking up to flop herself down on her bed.  
  
She hadn't stopped once on her way from the crypt, but now the urge to just throw the door open and run straight back there was completely overwhelming. One second she wanted to hit herself hard over the head for leaving, the next she could do nothing but praise the initiative to do so as she realized that if she had stayed... Well, the intimacy had grown into something she couldn't accept. There was no way that she could.  
  
Leaving had been the right thing to do.  
  
She moaned and rolled over on her side as she wrapped her arms around her and closed her eyes. What was it that stated that she had to be the good girl in every single situation? She had loved a vampire once...  
  
But he had had a soul. And whatever this was with Spike - it sure as hell wasn't anything even resembling love. It wasn't anything but passion. And it wasn't healthy, she knew it wasn't. It was blinding and mind-blowing and totally...altering.  
  
"Altering of what?" she muttered. "Your bodily structure?" she added and then she smiled a bitter smile as she opened her eyes again.  
  
And you can't seriously be comparing him with Angel, she added in her mind. Think of how different they are. The only likeness is their heritage... Okay, stop thinking about Spike. Please! You left. You can't go back now, no matter what, right? So don't dwell!  
  
She couldn't understand why he was acting jealous, though. She thought he really wasn't the type who actually believed in monogamy, so why would he act so possessive of her? Like he didn't want her to be with anybody else... For him to not want that he'd have to...  
  
And he doesn't! she told herself now. He can't feel anything for me. Especially not something so oddly affectionate as... affection.  
  
But there was more there, she knew it. She could see it on him whenever he looked at her. She could feel it deep down and everywhere when he touched her, when he held her... Where had the impatience disappeared to? That emotion which made it impossible for either one of them to be able to look at the other and see anything but that loathed competitor? Where was that backdrop of disgust and anger in his eyes that had always rested there before?  
  
"It's gone," she murmured, sitting up and drawing a breath as she met Willow's questioning gaze. "Erg...hi," the Slayer hurriedly added. "I-I didn't hear you come in..."  
  
Willow smiled hesitantly, observing her friend before she asked:  
  
"What's gone?"  
  
"Oh, nothing... Just this stupid thing with... You know, that thing and everything and what've you been up to?" Buffy managed an attempt at a diversion.  
  
It seemed to work as Willow sighed tiredly.  
  
"Homework, homework, homework," she replied and Buffy smiled empathically. "I didn't notice you come in last night... or when you left this morning," the redhead added and Buffy's smile turned rather stale.  
  
"I..." she mumbled, not able to lie her friend straight in the face she instead searched for a good enough excuse.  
  
Willow produced it for her as she said:  
  
"Oh, before I forget. Giles wanted to see you yesterday, but he couldn't find you and so he left a note."  
  
Walking up to the desk standing to the right of the door she retrieved the said note and handed it to the Slayer, who read it and then shook her head at herself. She had completely forgotten about telling Giles about the two demons working together, she had completely forgotten about a lot of things during the past twenty-four hours or so. Well, no more or that.  
  
"What are you wearing to the party tonight?" Willow asked and Buffy's eyes grew wide.  
  
"Oh, damn! I completely forgot about that," she muttered, putting the note down on the bed and getting to her feet. "You know... I'm not so sure it's a good thing that I go. Things are kinda tight between Riley and me right now, and I'm betting he wouldn't exactly do the hop at me showing up at HIS fraternity party," she added.  
  
"I don't understand, Buffy. What HAPPENED between the two of you?" Willow asked and Buffy bit her jaws together.  
  
"What didn't," she murmured, and then she got a hold on herself and met the other's eyes with a shake of the head. "It's complicated," she added as an explanation and Willow looked dissatisfied with that.  
  
"So give me the cliff notes version, or the one-sentence version, or YOUR version. Just tell me," she then pleaded and Buffy eyed her for a moment before she swallowed.  
  
"I can't," she then said. "I'm sorry, but I just can't. Yet. I have to work this out for myself first," she added at Willow's wondering gaze.  
  
The latter looked sympathetic before she rose and wrapped her arms around the blonde in a hard hug.  
  
"Of course you have to," she replied. "I didn't mean to push," she added and Buffy smiled at her before she gave her a hug back.  
  
"I love you, Will," she said and Willow smiled widely as well.  
  
"Love you too," she agreed.  
  
***  
  
9.45 p.m.  
  
Buffy had butterflies in her stomach when she walked into the large house hosting the "fraternity" which Riley and a dozen other Initiative soldiers helped keep alive the smoke screen of being part of. The place was already filled with people and she had a look around before she walked with Willow and Tara to the table stocked with refreshments.  
  
The Slayer could be proud of herself. She had fought hard the entire day and it had bared fruit - no run-ins, no visits with and no sightings of a certain bleached vampire. She had kept herself out of harm's way and come out standing. Looking great, even. She was very pleased.  
  
Well, with herself that was. Not much else of the pleasing going on, was there?  
  
Buffy, a well-known voice said sharply. We are to have no more of those comments, understood?  
  
"Whatever," she muttered, taking the plastic cup filled with punch and sipping it as she turned around and saw Riley.  
  
He had obviously spotted her as well and her heart began to race as he approached her. She didn't know what to say to him. She still felt so ashamed.  
  
"Hi," he said with a small smile and she returned it tryingly. "Didn't think you'd show."  
  
"Me neither," she replied. "But Willow was going, so I thought I'd just." she trailed off and his smile widened slightly.  
  
"Tag along?" he suggested and she nodded.  
  
"Rye!" Forrest called from the stairs and Riley turned toward the sound.  
  
The fellow agent signed for him to come join and Riley nodded.  
  
"I'll see you around then?" he asked and she nodded.  
  
"Yeah," she mumbled, watching him as he walked across the room to join the others.  
  
She spent the following hour in the company of Willow and Tara, Xander joining them when half the time had floated by and they chatted carelessly as they put the Adam suit on a hanger for an evening. Buffy was just beginning to relax into it when Xander suddenly removed himself from their company, stalking up to the entrance door and the couple who had just walked through it. Buffy's eyes grew involuntarily as she stared from Anya to Spike and then she rose as well.  
  
Was he crazy? What was he doing there?!  
  
She kept herself in the outer vicinity of the not-so-loud fight emerging between the ex-demon and the mortal. Spike was throwing in his own little pieces to the puzzle and she wanted to hit him. Hard. What the hell was he doing with her? She knew Xander and Anya had had a very-loud fight earlier that day so... Perhaps the question she should be asking was what the hell was SHE doing with HIM?  
  
It seemed that was the topic at hand for the ongoing lovers quarrel and she didn't want to eaves drop, but couldn't resist.  
  
She was five feet away, and trying to stay inconspicuous behind a group of four teenagers, when Spike turned his head and rested his gaze in hers. She bit her jaws together hard at the growing self-assurance on him. At that insufferable trait cockiness. She hadn't seen it in some time, it felt like; and so now it simply hit her in the middle of the forehead and she realized where the impatience had run off to as it came hurrying back into her chest.  
  
This was about the time when Xander began to bellow out the proclamation of Hostile Seventeen being in the room, making Spike take his gaze from the Slayer's for staring at the mortal in disbelief as well as growing need to destroy. It was replaced by caution as he looked around the room and Buffy was as well, her heart beating hard in her chest and her mind racing at the different scenarios which could be about to take place if they tried to capture him.  
  
She owed him her life, and she knew that she wouldn't be able to stand back and let them put him in one of their cages again... If she helped him escape it would probably have her friends doubt her state of mind being all good-to-go, though. She could live with that. Usually she felt as though it wasn't anyway.  
  
However, the party went on, the soldier boys kept dancing and laughing and talking, there was no posse standing ready with stun guns and nets. She blinked, and when she directed her eyes on the other three she noticed one was missing.  
  
He couldn't have gotten far and knowing him - the little that she did - she was pretty sure where to find him.  
  
Leaving Anya and Xander to deal on their own, Buffy went out in search for the largest keg of the party. She could merely smirk when she saw the leather clad form she had been looking for, standing next to it.  
  
"What are you doing here?" she asked, shaking her head at him as he turned around, swallowing the mouthful of beer he had just taken and giving her a very cold glare.  
  
"What the bloody hell's it to you?" he growled, brushing past her as he walked up to sit down on a nearby couch.  
  
She turned and followed, stopping right before him and looking down at him before she leaned forward. As her face closed in on his the atmosphere slowly changed around them and she could feel the sudden and growing tension between them. Damn. She straightened her back again and took a step back, crossing her arms over her chest.  
  
Spike was so angry with her. He was sick of feeling angry with himself and it was so much simpler directing the feeling on an easy target. His will had chosen her and he felt he had good reason. She kept plowing him under, storming into his life in one moment just to leave it as hastily the next. Uninvited she had taken the honorary seat of his thoughts and he wanted nothing more than to get her the hell off of it!  
  
She could see that he was mad at her; it was clear enough. But something else lay at the edge of the blueness which rested in her green. She couldn't grasp the sense of it, but she knew it was there. Deep down. Buried and hidden in the same reluctance to show weakness that she harbored. Weakness merely lead to pain, to disappointment.  
  
When did he ever disappoint you? she asked herself quietly and she stared at him as he glared back. Has he broken the handshake? The silly code you installed between the two of you?  
  
Spike watched the rather thoughtful expression drawing over her features before she took another step back from him. She unwrapped her arms as she adopted his expression and then she grumbled:  
  
"Fine," before she turned to remove herself from his presence.  
  
He kept his eyes hard as he watched her back be blocked out by moving bodies, and then he let out a small huff of breath as he closed them.  
  
It was easy to put iron around his heart and be sure nothing would ever melt it - when he wasn't near her. But when she was close, close enough to touch. Close enough to SEE... Was this how it was supposed to be? Really? Was he supposed to give her up? Without a fight? If he could only make her understand that what she did to him was so much more than mere satisfaction; if he could show her how she dug deep into him and didn't leave that place even when she herself left him - like she usually did. If he could do that, then perhaps she would see him as someone who...  
  
Don't go there, Spike, my boy, he muttered in his head as he got to his feet. You've been there before and had to turn back. She won't ever! Let it sink through your thick skull. What she wants from you has nothing to do with emotions.  
  
But it could, he countered. I know it. I know it could.  
  
She's with perfect-little-human, protector-of-all-human, all-through-and- through-human soldier boy! Or did that happen to slip your mind?  
  
He was so sodding confused. Hate her versus can't help but love her...need her...crave her. It was driving him out of his mind. He couldn't bloody breathe!  
  
Oh. Great. Bleeding terrific. Now she had him thinking that he actually NEEDED to push air in and out of his buggering lungs!  
  
He huffed at that, putting the beer down and shaking his head at himself.  
  
He needed to make up his mind. The first step was to take a bunch of steps out of the place hosting her, get himself a girl for the night and... forget. Just forget all of it. And when he had repeated this for enough nights perhaps he wouldn't have to remind himself to forget... Perhaps she'd be erased.  
  
He moved toward the exit door when he bumped into someone and he blinked, looking down.  
  
"Willow," he said and she smiled hesitantly.  
  
"Oh-so-unlikely-ally," she greeted and he smirked rather uncertainly as well.  
  
"How's the evening treating you, then?" he asked and she shrugged a little.  
  
"It's okay, I guess. If you like loud music and funky tasting punch and two of your closest friends being all in a bad mood," she sighed.  
  
"Well, I was just leaving," he stated, gesturing toward the door, but it seemed she didn't pick up on it as she continued with:  
  
"You know, you'd think they could just fess up, wouldn't you? I'd actually been looking forward to this. Getting out, amongst people with T-...other people. You know?"  
  
He observed her for a moment; then nodded a little, looking around the room in search for someone else who would actually listen to the apprentice Wicca complaining.  
  
"It's sucha bummer. Couldn't they make up and move on? Forgive and forget? Isn't that what love's all about? Xander's clearly only thinking about Anya anyways," she grumbled, leaning against the wall behind her and sounding as though she was more or less talking to herself.  
  
"Anya. Right," Spike nodded, still glancing about the room, looking for an escape.  
  
"And Buffy's all moping over Riley, which I think is ridiculous! If she wants him, she shouldn't give up on him so easily! I get the feeling that..."  
  
"What did you just say?" he interrupted her, staring at her questioningly.  
  
"I said: I-get-the-feeling-that..."  
  
"No," he once more cut her off, shaking his head slightly. "About Buffy 'moping' over soldier boy."  
  
"Well, they... broke up," Willow replied. "A few days ago, I guess it is now..."  
  
He looked so shocked the redhead almost moved a hand before his eyes to snap him out of it, and then he blinked, squared his shoulders and quickly left.  
  
Willow furrowed her brow as those wheels of hers began to turn in her head.  
  
"I get the feeling that there's more to it than she wants to lead on," she filled in the sentence to herself.  
  
Buffy swallowed the last of her punch, gave Tara a smile and excused herself to go see if she could find Xander. Tara nodded, saying that she'd go and look for Willow and the two girls parted.  
  
The Slayer walked through one of the hallways leading to the kitchen. There were doors on either side of her and since there was so much commotion going on around her anyways she didn't react when one of them was opened. However, a firm grip taking hold on her left upper arm and pulling her harshly through the doorway made her draw a breath in surprise.  
  
She pulled out of the hold as soon as the door slid shut behind her and she spun around to meet Spike's gaze.  
  
"God! You HAVE to stop doing this!" she exclaimed and he cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"Pulling you into rooms and closing the door? I'm sorry for my pertinence, love, but I do believe this IS a first," he remarked and she clenched her hands into fists as she let out a growl, turning from him and beginning to pace.  
  
"That's NOT what I mean! You have to stop this whole appearing-out-of- nowhere act! Being everywhere at the same time is a really annoying habit for someone who doesn't even come close to a super-hero kinda character," she replied and he looked at her in such a suddenly searching way that it took her breath clear from her chest, making her stop before taking a step back and shake her head. "You can't keep doing this, Spike. This isn't holding. We both know that. We have to... We have to stop this."  
  
"I bumped into Red just now - literally, as a matter of fact," he said and she raised her eyebrows.  
  
The lamp on the bed stand spread a glow-y light in the room and it lit her up from behind, making her hair into a halo and her form luminous. She was so beautiful in that moment. So vibrant, her life infecting him, dancing around him in the air. And he knew that no matter what happened he would always choose her, choose love. No one would ever compare, not in a thousand years.  
  
And his heart sank as he understood that he just might come to find that out for himself.  
  
"Willow?! I'm trying to yell at you and you switch topics like it's new years eve?" she asked and he frowned.  
  
"Was that supposed to make any bloody sense to me at all?" he asked back and she rolled her eyes.  
  
"Rhetorical!" she shot and he smirked.  
  
"So, sorry again, then. But Red had something interesting to s-..."  
  
"I don't care if she told you Adam is five minutes from storming the place, okay? I'm trying to tell you that whatever this was - between you and me - it has to stop. I can't..."  
  
"Why did you break up with soldier boy?" he asked her quietly and she stared at him, completely blown by that inquiry.  
  
"I-I didn't," she finally mumbled, her eyes in the man's  
  
vampire's  
  
before her and then she blinked. "We both just felt that..."  
  
"Why?" he demanded, taking a step forward and she put her arms around herself as though she wished to shut him out.  
  
"Well..."  
  
"Buffy! Why?!"  
  
"Because of YOU!" she shouted, unfolding her arms and beginning to pace once more.  
  
Spike's eyes grew as he watched her march on the small space she was ordained by the bedside table and the fact that he was standing a few feet before her.  
  
"Because of what I've done," she added, voice lowered as she stopped with her back to him, putting her hands before her face as her shoulders suddenly shook he realized that she was crying. "Damn it," she mumbled through her fingers, swiping at her tears.  
  
"If you want him back why don't you fight for him?" he asked silently and she slowly turned to face him. "If you miss him...?" he added and she felt the slowly emerging defeat fill her as she met his gaze, held it and understood that she couldn't deny him anymore.  
  
Taking the few steps parting them she stepped into him and put her arms around him before she moved her lips to kiss his throat, his chin, and finally join them with his. They both deepened the kiss carefully and she couldn't help but sob with something close to relief as she had to drop the last of the armor which she had tried to put on as a defense against him. It had weighed too heavily... With it gone she felt as though she was lifting off the ground.  
  
"Buffy," he mumbled and she moved her arms to wrap them around his neck as she whispered:  
  
"Don't let me go. Whatever happens, just don't ever let me go."  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Hey everybody! What a wonderful day it is and what wonderful reviews I receive! I hope all is well with every single one of you, reviewer or simply reader (though I'd love to hear from you) ;). All's well with me. Fun knowledge thrown into the mix. Hehe. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this last chapter!  
  
Special thanks to Rachel, Vanessa (merci!) ;), Pin, wolf116, qattaca, spikesevilsoul, Captain, Alyssa (for both!) :), vuks, Von, LizDarcy, Charlie, Crystal, Pine, Lord of Pillows, Renee' and joesarah97 - thanks so, so much for your great support! It's always so much fun to see new names mixing with the familiar ones up there!  
  
Crystal - had to write thanks for that! Amazing to hear! Makes me feel absolutely wonderful! :)  
  
To all of you - your continuing investment of time in this story is as always truly appreciated! Thank you so much! I honestly am thrilled that you like it! Hope you still do! :)  
  
To those who have not seen this week's ep of the show and don't want even a hint at what happened: don't read the following!  
  
Just read the UPN sum-up of this weeks episode! OMG!!!!!! What WILL happen next?! I'm all shivers and goose-bumps over here! Don't wanna know, though. Spoilers and such are not for me but OMG!!!!!!!! Oh, one thing I DO wanna know! Was the kiss SMOOCH or just kinda a kiss on the lips not all Oh, eat me up please? :)  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	31. And Then There Was

***********************************TRApPeD********************************** *****  
  
Thirty-One: And Then There Was...  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-05-17  
  
**************************************************************************** ******  
  
Day Twenty-Five.  
  
11.39 p.m.  
  
Their kissing was slow and deep, still the desire was growing clearer for every new moment that passed and it was building in heat as their hands kept moving over the other. She slipped her fingers under the duster covering his shoulders to make it slide down his arms and drop to the floor. The sound made tingles run through her and she grabbed the T by the hem located at the base of his throat, tearing the fabric apart; and his hands grabbed her, twirled her around and pressed her up against the wall as his tongue grew even more demanding.  
  
She moaned, wrapping her arms around his neck and returning the kiss as his fingertips slid up under her top and didn't stop until they graced her hardened nipples. Then he pressed his palms down, beginning a slow massage and she took her lips from his as she tilted her head back, letting the approaching ecstasy have its way with her.  
  
He observed her face, the curve of her jaw, the way she had her brow just slightly furrowed. And he listened to her erratic breathing, to the steady and incredibly hard beating of her heart, to her blood pumping through her. And he felt the power resting within her, he sensed the passion circling right beneath her skin, he let his love for this woman take him over completely in that moment and he saw her in a way he never had before.  
  
She was everything. She was the one thing that made him get up in the morning... especially since he should be sleeping when the sun rose. But she was the single thing on his mind, no matter what he tried to tell himself. And so help him, he didn't want it any other way. If he lost her he'd be truly dead. She made him feel...  
  
"Oh, God, I can't take anymore," she whined, moving her head forward and kissing him deeply.  
  
He brought his arms to her back as she jumped up and wrapped her legs around his waist.  
  
Her skirt was hoisted up as she did. Her hands moving down over his chest to the buckle of his belt, beginning to fumbling get it open and then proceeding with the button and zipper of his pants. Their kissing was harsh now, deep but eager. His hands slid over her waist and to her thighs, moving up under the skirt and grabbing her panties. He ripped them off easily and she moved her arms up to link behind his neck again just as he moved his hips forward and entered her.  
  
They both gasped, the kiss being broken for a few moments as they opened their eyes and stared at each other. Then their lips caught the others forcefully. He began to take her roughly and her pleasure couldn't be silenced, her fingers grabbing fistfuls of his blonde locks as she clung to him.  
  
He let his mouth travel from hers and to the side of her throat as he couldn't help but groan as well.  
  
She was gasping, her breathing heavy now.  
  
What she did to him was indescribable.  
  
What he did to her... she was out of her body and yet at the core of it at the same time.  
  
In this they were growing into one being as they moved together, linking in a way they weren't fully aware of and yet somewhere sensed.  
  
He swirled around and took the two steps taking them up to the bed. Falling onto it he made her crawl backwards as he followed, still buried deep inside her and her head threw itself back as she reached her arms out and clasped the bedspread tightly with either hand.  
  
He let his hands glide up under her top again, this time pulling it with his caress in order to get it off her. Once it was done he didn't hesitate before he let his tongue lick the outline of her collarbone to travel out to her shoulder.  
  
She was panting, and she was trembling beneath him. Her legs were spread wide as her hips moved with his and he moved his hands along her arms before letting his fingers lock with hers as they were both growing close.  
  
Once they reached the climax together they both practically stopped breathing, their motions dragged out and then they began to slow. Buffy let out the air in her lungs for taking in a fresh supply. Her heart was setting a new record and her fingers were still tightly grasping his. She released her grip tentatively, feeling his lips against the skin of her throat as he rested his head by the right side of hers.  
  
"More," she whispered and he moved his face to have it before hers.  
  
Grinding her hips upward his eyes grew slightly and he hardened quickly within her. His mouth fell open and she put hers up to meet it, pressing her lips to his with the fervour picking itself up again.  
  
He obliged.  
  
Gladly.  
  
***  
  
12.23 a.m.  
  
Their limbs were shaking as they once more reached the peak together, neither one of them had even the slightest idea for what number in the order it was; neither one of them cared.  
  
She was glistening with perspiration and her skin was gliding against his as she rolled him over onto his back and placed herself on top of him. He ran his hands through her blonde locks to get it out of her face and she smiled just a little before she kissed him. Moving her hips slowly she then pulled back again, keeping eye contact.  
  
He slid one thumb over her cheek, looking at her in that not-interpretable way and she felt her gaze grow questioning. He merely smiled and she returned it tentatively.  
  
How was she supposed to give this up? She had tried so hard to stay strong, and for such a long time she had been able to resist him... But forever? For some reason the mere thought had her heart skip a beat in pure protest and a hole opened up somewhere behind it. She didn't like the feeling. After all, this was nothing more than... what it was. Because it could never be. She couldn't have it be. More.  
  
She closed her eyes and then let their lips meet again. Kissing him deeply she felt as though she wanted to cry all of the emotions within her out of her. But she knew she couldn't do that. They were there to confuse her and turn her inside out and upside down. And his eyes kept stirring them; his gaze kept drilling into her... What was it trying to tell her?  
  
He groaned into her mouth and she was brought out of her musings as the pleasure embraced her again.  
  
She let it.  
  
Gladly.  
  
***  
  
1.02 a.m.  
  
"Buffy," Spike murmured, her forehead to his as she kept taking trembling breaths beneath him.  
  
"Don't... stop," she whispered, moving her mouth to his. "Don't ever stop... touching me," she added, nibbling his lower lip and he kissed her.  
  
She immediately returned it.  
  
***  
  
"And you spoke to Riley?" Giles asked and Xander nodded. "And what did he say?" the older added and Xander shrugged.  
  
"That he hadn't seen her since they had a very short conversation right after she got to the party," he then replied. "So we went looking for her, but since half the rooms we checked had locked and - apparently - barred doors we thought we'd see you, figure out a less shoulder-hurting approach."  
  
"And you have no idea where she might be?" Giles wondered and Willow hesitated.  
  
He looked at her and caught sight of it, reaching up and taking off his glasses he kept his eyes on her as he polished them in silence - waiting.  
  
"Okay, so I might have an... idea," she finally mumbled, refusing to look at Xander and barely even able to look at the Watcher - who was slowly replacing his glasses - as she added: "She might be with... With Spike."  
  
"I dunno, it's kinda late for whacking him over the head with a stick, don't you think?" he asked and she swallowed, shaking her head a little.  
  
"No, that's not what I meant," she murmured. "Lately there's been something going on between them, and tonight Spike was acting really weird when I told him that Buffy and Riley have... Well, I think he went looking for her. So, it's probable to assume that he just might've found her."  
  
Now she was being stared at by two pairs of disbelieving eyes and then Anya's eyebrows rose.  
  
"So THAT'S why he was so grumpy earlier!" she then exclaimed and Xander turned his questioning gaze onto her. "Well, he was acting all moping over something... I figured it was over Dru, but this makes a lot more sense to me. Though... still not. Buffy and Spike? Together?"  
  
At that Xander got to his feet, his brow deeply furrowed as he shook his head.  
  
"I don't believe that you're accusing her of this! Where's your loyalty?!" he demanded and Willow rose as well, shaking her head calmingly.  
  
"I'm not saying that they're together - together, Xander. I just think that... I don't know. That something happened when they were trapped and now... Well, don't you think that house could've tapped into it?"  
  
"Made them go bonkers?" he wondered and she put on an empathic face before she nodded.  
  
"Something like that," she concurred and he finally smiled a little.  
  
"It's just too sick to even... I mean, even with a spell... Why would Buffy ever let a thing like that near her? And... WHY would Buffy EVER let a thing like THAT near her?"  
  
"Calm down, honey," Anya said, reaching up a hand and patting his arm.  
  
"Wait, what's this about the house?" Giles asked and Willow turned her head to him as she answered:  
  
"Well, people all over the party were starting to act weird... - sexually."  
  
"In what way?" the Watcher inquired.  
  
"You know," Willow replied, turning the page of the scrapbook before her as she added: "Ways."  
  
"Well, it could be anything. A prank, some sort of disturbed practical joke - it could even be energy coming from the lab BENEATH Lowell's fraternity," Giles stated and Willow suddenly jerked, saying:  
  
"It wasn't always a fraternity, look!" Giles got to his feet to come stand behind her and both Anya and Xander moved closer from across the table to have a better look as Willow recited what the aged article on the page before her said: "'Between 1949 and 1960 the Lowell Home For Children housed upwards of forty adolescents; runaways, juvenile delinquents and emotionally disturbed teenagers from the Sunnydale area.'"  
  
"Children?" Tara asked carefully. "Did any of them...um...die in there?"  
  
"If there's been death perhaps we're dealing with a fairly standard haunting," Giles said as he had a seat again.  
  
"Possession," Xander nodded. "That would explain a LOT."  
  
***  
  
1.56 a.m.  
  
His back was against the headboard of the bed and she was straddling him as their mouths wouldn't leave the others. His hands were loving her, so was his tongue and the fact that he was buried inside of her was the mere icing on the cake. Her fingers held tightly onto the edge of the headboard on either side of his shoulders and she was loving him back.  
  
The silence around them was broken only by the sounds of this love making and they were completely lost within the other.  
  
All Buffy could think was that she didn't want it to end. It never had to end. She wanted to be in his arms from this moment on. She wanted to learn all his secrets and keep them safe for him. And she wanted to hear all his stories. She wanted to know what kind of being he saw himself as. She couldn't believe that all he wanted to be was evil. Not when he looked at her like that, not when he caressed her so tenderly.  
  
She wanted...  
  
The door was torn open and she grabbed the sheet lying around her hips, pulling it up before she turned her head to the doorway, squinting against the light as she exclaimed:  
  
"Hey! Don't you...?"  
  
At the sight of Xander's shocked gaze she swallowed the last word.  
  
"Knock?" Spike filled it in for her and Xander shook his head, eyes still in the Slayer's, before he turned and left.  
  
Anya stared at them for a few moments longer until her boyfriend's hand came into the frame of the door and grabbed a hold on her upper arm, pulling her with him.  
  
***  
  
Day Twenty-Six.  
  
10.03 a.m.  
  
Spike swallowed the last of his blood and put the jar on top of the TV.  
  
As the door of his crypt slid open he turned his head that way, cocking his scarred eyebrow at who entered.  
  
"Slayer," he greeted. "Didn't expect to see you here. At least, for a while."  
  
Her face was deadly serious and he stripped the rest of the sarcasm off as he met her gaze.  
  
"So, Xander freaked?" he wondered, trying a smile and having it fade as she didn't return it.  
  
"No," she then replied. "No one freaked," she added and both his eyebrows rose questioningly. "There was a... poltergeist," she explained. "It caused the..."  
  
"Buffy," he interrupted, praying with everything in him that she wasn't saying what it sounded as though she was saying.  
  
That she wasn't finding an excuse, a way to dismiss what obviously was there between them.  
  
She looked at him and felt a twirl of sorrow occur near her heart. Brushing at it she put on her brave face, for herself and for him. What she had felt the night prior... She couldn't have actually felt it. That was what she had been telling herself all morning after hearing Giles' recap of what they thought had induced the strange behaviour at the party. The fact that she herself had been part of fuelling it, for reasons neither Giles nor Willow could fully explain, was something she was willing to overlook.  
  
She had wanted him, and having the emotion cooped up inside for nearly a month hadn't helped. But...  
  
"I have to end it," she grumbled and he ignored the knife twitching in his heart as he observed her in silence.  
  
"End what - exactly?" he merely inquired and she looked at him.  
  
"It's not doing either one of us any good," she murmured and he shook his head at her.  
  
"What bloody good would you have it do? You hate me, don't you?" he asked and her eyes widened slightly. He took a step forward as he added: "Don't you?"  
  
"As stated on many occasions," she finally answered him.  
  
"So we both went into this - head first - without any expectations to..."  
  
"Don't," she shook her head and turned toward the door. "No persuasions, no rationalizations, no excuses. I can't do this anymore."  
  
"I've heard you say this a few times before," he stated and she turned her head to him as she opened the door.  
  
"And for some reason I've never listened," she replied. "This time - I am."  
  
He watched her as she took the first step out through the door and then he said:  
  
"I'm in love with you."  
  
She froze in the doorway, back to him, and then she slowly turned around; the utter detriment in her gaze had him take a step back and he swallowed hard.  
  
"What?" she asked. "What did you just say to me?"  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Oh, oh, oh! You lovable, lovable creatures you! Fantasmic to see so many great reviews all at once! Thank you soooo much! Love ya!  
  
Very special and warm thanks to qattaca (hey, I'm glad. I know if I'd SEEN that I'd be even more freaked than I was just reading it! Ugha!) ;), Phyllis (Aww, I can only say I do hope so. Don't you agree?) ;), Heather (It's okay. Knowing that you're reading and still approving is quite enough! ;) And hey, as long as you come back, right?) :), Von (hehe...ahem, ahem...) ;), Crystal (Hey, forever might be a tough deal, don't you think? I'll give it my best shot and then we'll have to wait and see what happens, eh? Thank you!) :), penmom (hey, nice to see ya. Thanks ever so for those wonderful words, I'm much honored!) :), Renee' (I bow my head in pleasure that you like!) ;), msu (well, think this'll stop the insanity? *lol*) ;), charisma1525 (hey, girl. Really glad you enjoyed those and thanks as always for telling!) :), Coquine (hehe, loved that reaction and was this fast enough? I'll try to be quicker next time, if not, k?) ;), Alyssa (well, moping not so much over Riley, of course. Kinda background phsyke stuff going on there. She had just had a fight with Spike, right? ;) Okay, so I didn't make it obvious but that was the idea, anyways. Oh, and the question was answered, yes!) :), Rachel (finally, yes... But, what now? ;P Hope this cured the itch, but not for long...) ;), TeenWitch (*lol* Thanks and I WILL!) ;), b&s4evr (great that you like and here was more...) ;), LizDarcy (Lovely that you love it and I hope you still do!) :), Falcon-Rider (God, if they make those two get back together it will be SO bloody LAME!!! And thanks for the liking of the last chapter) ;), Hazel (oh, wow, thanks a lot! Really glad it caught your fancy and hope to see you back!) :), vuks (I pretty much knew that, yeah. ;) And thank you SO much for those words and I will try my best at making it, you know, last...) :), tricia (wonderful to read that, really. Amazing that you read the whole thing, anytime anyone writes that I'm like woah! So thanks a lot for putting in that kinda time, I'm really glad you enjoyed it that much! Hope you still approve!) :) and last but definitely not least libraflyter (I'm really glad you do, my friend! And thanks for that! Hope this update was to your liking!) - to ALL of you a huge big smashing THANK YOU for taking time to REVIEW!!!  
  
AND now to some wonderful news - at least I think so:  
  
This fic has been nominated for a Spuffy Award! Yay! I could hardly believe it when I got the email and I'm SO happy, I can't even begin to tell you! So, please, if you have the time or feel like taking the time - go to flesh-for-fantasy.com/SpuffyAwards and vote! TRApPeD is in the category Best General Saga.  
  
(It seems it doesn't work pasting the whole link into the chapter to have you just click on it. It won't show on the page... Let's see if this might work better.) :)  
  
To vuks - who I just read nominated me - HUUUUUUUUUUUG! Thank you SO much! Of course there are only flowers and kisses to be had from me. I'm very flattered, you know! Thanks again!  
  
Oh, happy day! *smile*  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	32. I Lose Myself

*******************************TRApPeD**************************************  
  
Thirty-Two: I Lose Myself  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-05-19  
  
**************************************************************************** *  
  
Day Twenty-Six.  
  
10.19 a.m.  
  
He couldn't believe it! He had just blown his safety net straight to hell. With his only shield of protection gone - keeping the whole humiliating, awful, twisted truth to himself - he had completely wrecked his chances of slipping out of this nightmare unharmed. Well, maybe it hadn't always been a nightmare... but it sure was now! The way she was looking at him...  
  
He would have given anything if he had only been spared that expression of shock and disbelief and absolute depredation.  
  
"What did you...?!" she tried again and he interrupted her.  
  
"Nothing!" he said and her eyes grew wide.  
  
"Don't even ATTEMPT to 'nothing' me!" she exclaimed.  
  
"Bloody hell, Slayer," he grumbled.  
  
"Don't you DARE 'bloody hell' me either. WHAT did you just SAY to me?!"  
  
He merely eyed her in thickening silence until it was filling her mouth and slipping down her throat and she couldn't take it anymore.  
  
"Is THIS nothing?" she inquired, making a gesture to the atmosphere in general and he arched an eyebrow as he tried to figure the whole thing out.  
  
He needed a reply that would throw her...  
  
"I love you," he stated, rather the second before he could prohibit his sudden taste for truthfulness; biting his jaws together and steadying himself as he met her gaze. "I'm..."  
  
"Stop," she cut him off, shaking her head and taking a step into the room, her brow furrowing slightly. "You can't mean that. You can't 'love' me...!"  
  
He ground his teeth as he raised his eyebrows questioningly, his face growing defiant as he asked:  
  
"And why's that?"  
  
She stared at him, crossing her arms over her chest and he tilted his head slightly to one side, waiting.  
  
"I don't believe you! What is this? Seducing-for-dummies? Have you completely lost your mind?!" she yelled, unfolding her arms and taking another step forward. "If you think a stunt like this'll make me fall into your arms you must be completely crazy!" she added and he took a step forward as well as he growled back:  
  
"You think I would say those words to you if I didn't bleeding well mean them?!"  
  
Her eyes were blank with something he couldn't determine. They were glazed over with what looked like tears, but he was pretty sure it in fact was not. She was trying to form words, but seemingly coming out short.  
  
There were no thoughts moving through her head; just something vacant which filled her entire mind as she kept staring at him. This couldn't be happening.  
  
"Oh, no," she finally got her tongue back, shaking her head. "No. You can't be serious!"  
  
"Buffy..." he murmured and she put one hand up, stopping him.  
  
"Oh, God, don't," she said. "Just don't even."  
  
"I..."  
  
"I don't wanna hear it," she once more cut him off.  
  
"Well, you're bloody well gonna!" he burst out. "If you just dared open your eyes one teeny bit, love, you'd see that you're still in the sodding stone age of Slayerthinking. You need a soul to love?" he asked and she felt how she was stiffening as she kept her eyes in his storming gaze. "Guess you need a soul to hate too then 'cause if you look around you the world is bursting with it. And I'm not only talking about the demonic world here. You know I'm right, I know you do... And I know this isn't how it usually bloody goes down, don't you think I do?! But... you can't just shut me out."  
  
"Watch me," she grumbled, about to turn from him when his hands grabbed her shoulders and he said:  
  
"No, you FACE me. Look at me, Buffy."  
  
She swallowed, shaking her head at all of it before humoring him and resting her eyes in his once more.  
  
"Stop," she then murmured. "This ends now."  
  
"I never thought this would happen," he said, voice lowered as he kept his hold on her when she tried to step out of it. "Did you think I walked down into that basement thinking 'This seems like a good day to get trapped with the sodding Slayer and...'"  
  
"Please. Don't," she said, looking up at him with the graveness painting her eyes forest green.  
  
"I never bloody imagined that I'd feel this way about you," he continued without hesitation and she once again tried to get away from him, but failed as his words were weakening her, were making her feel out of breath as her heart kept pounding in her chest. "But no matter how hard I've fought this, I haven't been able to win. And now... I can't fight it anymore..." He paused, looking at her for a long second before he finished: "I love you."  
  
His gaze was as serious as hers and she drew a shaking breath before she managed to tear free from him.  
  
"No," she then said, voice shaking as she took a step away from him. "You don't."  
  
Turning she rushed up to the door, pulled it open and continued through it. Once outside the crypt she picked up her pace and began to run. She didn't stop until she was outside of town, being met by low shrubs and dried grass and utter emptiness.  
  
That vacancy where her thoughts had been missing was now filling with whispers and memories and tastes and sensations and with a thousand questions. A billion, even. They trembled and twirled about themselves, slick as they grooved to the heavy beating of her heart.  
  
She tried to focus his voice out of her head, struggled to clear her mind of the expression in those azure blues of his, was compelled to shut out the low murmur of the night prior... and how he had made her feel.  
  
She ran her hands through her hair and closed her eyes.  
  
She hated him.  
  
She hated him for doing this.  
  
He was lying! He had to be lying. It was another trick. He couldn't love, it was impossible. Impossible! Without a soul love cannot live in a being. And he was soulless. He couldn't love her. He didn't love her. Of course he didn't! If he thought for one second that she could ever believe him... Whatever it was that he thought he was feeling - it wasn't love. It was not love.  
  
Then why hadn't she been more shocked at hearing him say those words? Why hadn't she felt the disgust well up inside of her? Why had there only been an icing chill of fear down her back as her dream had been realized?  
  
'I'm in love.'  
  
'So am I.'  
  
Truth is, a voice spoke up and oh, how she wanted to shut it up - but she couldn't. Truth is you've been watching the way he's been acting, and you've wanted to ask him what's been up with him for some time now... Was this the answer you were expecting? Or... hoping for?  
  
She opened her eyes and shook her head.  
  
"He's not... I can't..." she mumbled, tears forming in her eyes without her ever telling them they could and she tried to blink them away, but there was no use. "I can't," she repeated, tilting her head back and looking up at the sky.  
  
Wishing for wings. Wishing for an escape. Just for a few precious hours she wanted to soar high, high above it all.  
  
Flashes of her body entangled in his made her draw a deep breath and shake her head.  
  
He's not freedom. He's another cage. He's just another cage. I can't be locked up within him. It's not even real. None of it is. Not this so-called partnership, not this phony state of having him under my skin and inside my mind, not the amazing sex bit, not the quiet need to be near him and definitely not him being in love with me! Just thinking it sounds strange! Spike's in love with me. It sounds so out there I can't even... I wonder...  
  
She took a small breath and then said slowly:  
  
"Spike's in love with me."  
  
She blinked, fighting the small shiver of something close to nice sliding down her spine as she saw his face before her.  
  
"But it wasn't even the blink of an eye ago that we hated each other..." she murmured, putting her arms around herself. "That he hated me as much as I do him," she corrected herself quietly, closing her eyes again.  
  
She didn't know what to do. She had absolutely no idea what she should do.  
  
What about what you want?  
  
She opened her eyes and sighed.  
  
That's never the issue, is it? she thought. And even if I did know...  
  
The whole situation was too messed up now to even try to straighten out anyway.  
  
So, there really were only two options, as she saw it.  
  
All it came down to now was her making the right choice.  
  
***  
  
11.22 a.m.  
  
He was pacing. He disliked doing it, but couldn't find another way to express his impatience with himself, his boiling irritation.  
  
Left behind, eh? Once again branded the fool of this pathetic masquerade. He swore, if he could rewind time, he would take it all back. But he couldn't, and he couldn't stay in the crypt with nothing but remorse as a companion. He'd lose his mind... more.  
  
Pulling his duster on and grabbing a torn blanket, which he had taken with him from The Basement - NOT as a token of a reminder, he tore the door open and almost stepped right into...  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
She pushed passed him and he blinked, hesitantly turning around to look at her as he shut the door with his left hand.  
  
"If you're gonna scream at me some more and then bloody run away again..." he began, but she interrupted him as she looked up and met his gaze, stating:  
  
"I don't want you to say anything. I don't want you to speak, or move, or even look at me. No. DON'T look at me. I didn't come back for you to do any of that... Now, explain."  
  
He turned his eyes back in hers as he cocked an eyebrow and she rolled her own to the ceiling with a shake of the head.  
  
"You know what I mean," she murmured and he tilted his head slightly to one side as he observed her for a few moments.  
  
"How can I bloody explain any of this?" he then wondered. "You think it makes sense to me? I know I'm not supposed to feel like this. I know this isn't how it should be... But when I'm near you..."  
  
He trailed off as she rested her eyes in his, her face solemn and he bit his lower lip as he was attacked by a shower of shivers, his nerves tangling themselves up. If there was even the slightest chance that she had come back for anything but to give him the final brush off... The hope was too strong to even try to suppress and he felt his thoughts elude him as he looked into her gaze.  
  
"'When you're near me...'?" she repeated questioningly. "When did all this change from 'I'll wring your neck' to... And I... I don't understand," she added, looking away from him.  
  
"I don't either. And I bloody well don't know when this went from... to..." he stuttered, trailing off. "Why are you here?" he then asked and she turned from him to walk up to the armchair, putting one hand against the back-support's cushion.  
  
"You know, ever since I had to spend a few days in the company of your precious self my whole world's been turned upside down," she stated, still not looking at him as he couldn't take his eyes off her. "And I don't mean that in the woo-hoo-let's-do-that-again kinda way," she added and he smirked.  
  
"Then what've we been doing over and over... and over?" he asked and she turned her head to him, the small sign of her face softening and her eyes growing a tad more gentle made his heart stop... more.  
  
Then she shook her head.  
  
"I should've stayed with Riley," she murmured. "He... he made me happy and..."  
  
Spike approached her, making her trail off as he stopped before her.  
  
"Give me one chance," he mumbled and she drew an unsteady breath as she held his gaze as firmly as she could manage.  
  
She shook her head again, this time slowly.  
  
"This can't ever work out, Spike. You have to know that," she replied and he stepped into her as he reached up his hands and placed them on either side of her face.  
  
"One chance to make you happy," he mumbled and she put her hands up, placing them on the leather covering his upper arms.  
  
"You can't," she stated simply, and though he could hear her voice wavering he released her, taking a step back.  
  
They watched each other in stillness for nearly a minute and then he began to speak.  
  
"The first time I saw you as anything but a mark, was the first time I saw you," he said silently and she didn't move her eyes from his as he continued: "You were dancing, with Willow and Xander, and you were glowing. Vibrating. You pretty much knocked me over right then and there... but I got back up on my feet pretty bloody quick and then you were just another target... The enemy. It was easy enough. In that basement, with you... God, how I tried to resist you. I was shocked outta my sodding mind once it dawned on me that I wanted you; that I had to feel you... I convinced myself that was all there was - desire..." Buffy swallowed, still listening with her heart beating terribly slow in her chest as he went on: "But then... Then something happened. Something clicked. Once we were outta there all I could bloody think about was you... How I could get you close to me again. And when everything I saw was your face, when every single thing I touched was the softness of your skin..."  
  
"Spike," she mumbled, and he granted her a small smile before he continued with:  
  
"I realized that I felt alone without you; that I wanted to wake up beside you; that I wanted to listen to your crazy blabbering and your pep-talks and be close to your buggering never ending optimism. I want to know what gets you real mad - apart from ME, and what brings you... calm? I want to know you, Buffy. To learn OF you... Your life."  
  
"Spike," she tried to get him to stop once again, and once again he merely smiled.  
  
"We're different, I know that. But on another level we're... compatible. You may not bloody like it - but we are. If we weren't, we wouldn't work - period. I'm in love with you..."  
  
"Spike..."  
  
"...and something tells me a part of you...a small part of you...can see that."  
  
She swallowed, once more having a hard time breathing properly. Why had she gone back to this cursed place?! Why? Why? WHY?!  
  
"Can't you? ...See it?" he mumbled and she tried to take a step back, but couldn't.  
  
Instead he took one forward, standing two feet away and his being beginning to reach out to dance around her.  
  
He hesitated a moment, and then he said, voice low, sincere and powerful:  
  
"The only time I ever feel truly alive... is when I lose myself in you."  
  
She stared at him and he observed her face. He couldn't read it and it was unsettling.  
  
Oh, God, why did he manage to move her like this? How could he dig inside her with confessions that should make her shudder, should have her running as far away from him as possible... again? Why did his eyes go so deep?  
  
The choice had been made when she turned and set her feet on the course leading to his crypt, and not to her dorm room. And now it was too late to ever take it back. He ruled her... he broke her down so easily...  
  
She took a small, trembling breath and then she diminished the space between them as she took a step forward.  
  
He stared down at her as she cautiously reached up one hand and let it gently touch his cheek before it slid up and through his bleached curls.  
  
"Spike," she practically whispered and he let the smile grace his lips tentatively before he moved his arms around her and pulled her close.  
  
As he bent forward she stood on her toes and met his lips with her own. Deepening the kiss she linked her arms behind his neck, pressing herself to him and knowing that she just might be falling into the hands of one of the most devious fiends she had ever had to deal with.  
  
Then again... a part of her - a small part of her - did see. And it could do nothing but believe in what it saw in that warmth so clear whenever he had his gaze in hers. A part of her refused to ignore its belief in his love for her, because it had been waiting. It had been wanting. And no matter how hard she needed to deny that - that small part of her knew the truth.  
  
***  
  
3.45.p.m.  
  
"Where did you get this?" she asked, running her finger along the scar located slashing through his left eyebrow.  
  
He reached up his hand and slid it into hers before he removed it from the spot, kissing her fingers tenderly and then letting both their hands rest against his torso. Her head was propped up in her right hand where she lay beside him on the sarcophagus; her body leaned against him and partially placed on top of him as her chest graced his.  
  
"I got it in a fight," he answered her. "A long time ago," he added and she smiled a little before she pulled up and placed her lips against it.  
  
"I'm glad you won," she then said and he swallowed at the gentleness in her eyes as she slid down and back into her previous position.  
  
"Yeah?" he murmured and she nodded.  
  
"Yeah," she confirmed before she moved her head forward and kissed him softly. "It's not everyday that someone 'loses themselves in me'," she added, mouth still to his though hers curved in a teasing smile as his eyes opened and he grabbed her with a growl, making her give a cry of delight as he tilted her over and placed himself on top of her.  
  
She giggled as he held her down, and she fought to get loose as his lips crashed down on hers. She met his kiss the next moment.  
  
"I pour my heart out to you and you bloody ridicule it?" he murmured as he broke the kiss and moved his head so that he could meet her gaze.  
  
"No," she said with a small smile, kissing him on the lips before she added: "Not 'ridicule', just prompt."  
  
He raised his eyebrows and she smirked, moving her hips up against his and he clenched his jaws together.  
  
"As in 'prompt' you to lose yourself in me again," she mumbled and he returned her smirk as he entered her, filled her and made her moan.  
  
Putting his forehead to hers he closed his eyes.  
  
"You don't have to prompt anything for me to do that," he whispered, his hands letting her wrists go and hers moving to glide over his back and into his hair. "All I have to do... is look at you."  
  
She smiled at that, tilting her head back as the pleasure kept building. It was heavier than ever before, shattering her cells as it spread, and still making her feel that freedom she had craved mere hours earlier. Granting her those wings, having her soar.  
  
He felt it too. She was sure of it. She made him feel it too.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
I swear; it never seizes to amaze me what a load of reviews I keep getting! Every chapter is a new chapter, after all. Thanks a lot! It's so wonderful!  
  
Very special thanks to skybound, LizDarcy, vuks (thanks again for the nomination, girl. That's really something!), qattaca, msu, VampiresKiss, Captain, Reader, Shaelune, Rachel, Night, Von, joesarah97, Heather, charisma1525, Alyssa, anon, Andi, Renee', Princepessa (Glad you like and thanks for both reviews!), dolally, Pine, thechosen and Phyllis - THANK YOU! I wanted to make this the personal kinda thank yous but it's late, I'm sick and I have to go to bed. (*get with the poor, poor me*) ;) I LOVE reading your comments and you always make me smile, never doubt that, k? I'm sure you don't! :)  
  
To the congrats on me getting a nomination with this story I can only say thank you all! It feels really great that you think I actually deserve it! I'm loving writing it and GOD I hope you liked this chapter! ;)  
  
Vuks who nominated - a third shout out to you! It meant a lot and of course I'm not anything but happyhappy! Thank you so, so much!  
  
Again, hope you enjoyed this.  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	33. Just a Little Bit of

*********************************TRApPeD************************************ *  
  
Thirty-Three: Just a Little Bit Of  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-05-21  
  
**************************************************************************** **  
  
Day Twenty-Seven.  
  
9.35 a.m.  
  
Buffy stretched and yawned, her head resting on his arm and she turned it as she relaxed again, opening her eyes to look at him. She watched him for a minute, a small smile playing with the corners of her mouth and then she sat up straight.  
  
"Darn!" she exclaimed, getting off the sarcophagus and beginning to gather up her clothes. "Damn it!"  
  
Spike shot up into a seated position as well, blinking sleep out of his eyes and looking around the room until his gaze found her form as she jumped into her pants. He rested back on his hands as he watched her, cocking an eyebrow.  
  
"I had hoped that we sorta moved passed this last night," he grumbled as she pulled her boots on and then got her hair out from under the hem of her sweater.  
  
"What - the whole me-rushing-out, leaving-you-high-and-dry, see-if-I-care deal?" she inquired and he nodded, still watching her as he swung his legs over the edge of the sarcophagus and ran one hand through his short curls. "Well," she added, looking around to see if she had forgotten something; concluding that she hadn't she hurried up to him, eased herself in to stand between his thighs and then finished: "Here's a new clause."  
  
She kissed him deeply and he returned it, wrapping his arms around her. She smiled hesitantly as she pulled away. He kept his hold on her, his head tilted back slightly as he looked up at her.  
  
"I'm late for class," she stated and he smirked.  
  
"Think I care?" he asked and her smile broadened.  
  
"I have to go," she murmured, her face sinking closer to his and he smiled back before he moved his head up to catch her lips with his.  
  
Leaning back he pulled her with him and then rolled her over, making her suppress the giggles as she shook her head.  
  
"Spike," she tried, meeting his gaze with one beginning to fill with silent desire. "I can't miss this class... Willow said we're having an exam next week and..." His left hand trailed down her neck and over her shoulder, making her close her eyes. "And I have to... take notes and..." She once more lost track as he kissed her jaw line tenderly. "And would you stop?!" she exclaimed, pushing him off her and getting to her feet.  
  
He merely smiled devilishly as he sat himself up again. She glared at him without anger, crossing her arms over her chest in an attempt at a firm expression. It didn't stick.  
  
"I'll come back," she said as he got to his feet. "I will," she added, looking into his eyes as he came closer.  
  
"You'd bleeding well better," he mumbled, stepping into her and she ran her hands up his torso as she once more smiled a little.  
  
He leaned her back against the wall behind her and joined their lips again.  
  
***  
  
10.33 a.m.  
  
"...with the following three years taking him all over the world. There was really no way of telling..."  
  
Professor Johnson's voice drifted out of her mind again, like a cloud in the sky simply gliding by. She stared at the blackboard with her chin resting in her left hand, her right hand drawing circle upon circle in her notebook without her eyes watching the procedure.  
  
She was crazy. It was official. She was completely and utterly deranged.  
  
But it had had her smiling to herself every five minutes. Remembering his words... The way he touched her... The way he looked at her... His kisses...  
  
She cleared her throat, blinking as she pushed those thoughts out of her head. She had to stay away from him for the rest of the day; otherwise he would know exactly how much she wanted to be near him and how much she actually longed for the slow hours of school to be over.  
  
Every time she admitted that, she jerked with the self-consciousness spreading through her. One minute she couldn't believe she was actually indulging herself further in something that couldn't possibly be going anywhere! The next she wanted to sigh, happily... which was even stranger.  
  
Spike. Happy. Somehow those two words still didn't quite fit. And there was an underlying fright mixed in with the allure of him, of this - whatever it was turning into. Slayer and relationship were two words that seemed to fit together even worse.  
  
Oh, good grief, girl! she muttered in her mind. It's not like that... Is it?  
  
The confusion wasn't exactly dying away simply because she had come to some sort of a decision. Her head was as mixed up as ever. But she knew one thing for certain - she felt better, in spite of everything going on, than she had in quite some time. And Spike was the cause of that.  
  
He harbored such immense strength. He was such a powerful, charismatic being. And yet he had made love to her the night before in a way that had been caring; and it had been soft; it had been...  
  
"Perfect," she mumbled.  
  
"Ms. Summers?"  
  
She looked up, meeting Professor Johnson's questioning gaze and she swallowed.  
  
"What?" she asked and he furrowed his brow slightly as he eyed her.  
  
"Did you have something else to say about the exam next week? Or will 'perfect' be your final comment on the matter?" the teacher asked, low giggling being heard from the assembled students of the class and Buffy smiled meekly, shaking her head.  
  
"Sorry," she apologized. "I don't know where my head went off to."  
  
"Oh?" Professor Johnson wondered at that. "Having an exam isn't worth being labeled as 'perfect' to you, Ms. Summers?"  
  
"Well... it's not that it's not 'worth' being labeled...per say, but I..."  
  
"Ms. Summers," he interrupted and she swallowed, cocking an eyebrow. "I'm pulling your leg."  
  
The bell rang and she let out a sigh of relief as the entire class rose as one, gathering up their trinkets and belongings. She gave the professor a small glare for 'pulling her leg' in front of her peers, for a second wishing that he'd be turned into a vamp so that she could pull HIS leg good and hard. Then she shook her head at herself, picking up her bag and slinging it over one shoulder before she scraped together her notes and collected them.  
  
"You know, Mrs. Auberry in math would probably be rather impressed by those circles there," the professor's voice said behind her and she rolled her eyes before she turned around. "They seem very... accurate dimension wise," he added with a calming smile and she returned it.  
  
"I'm sorry if I seemed a bit distracted during class," she said. "I've just got a lotta balls in the air right now and I can't afford to drop one 'cause then another's really sure to follow and if I drop all of them, just 'cause I dropped that first one then... that would be bad," she finished as she noticed the rising eyebrows of her teacher.  
  
"It's okay," he assured. "I just haven't been able to ignore the fact that you've been absent - both in mind AND in body - quite a bit for the past few weeks or so. I hope everything's all right with you; you were doing very well in the beginning of the semester."  
  
She swallowed, then plastered on another smile.  
  
"Oh, everything's just fine with me... There's just some stuff - personal stuff - that's needed my... attention," she answered and he smiled. "But, when you say 'WERE doing'... Does that mean that I'm not doing it anymore?" she then wondered and he grew slightly more serious.  
  
"I think it would be important for you to do well on the exam next week," he stated. "I just wanted to let you know that."  
  
She nodded slowly.  
  
"Thank you," she said.  
  
"And..." he stopped her as she was turning to leave. "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you just now. I merely strived to wake you up a little," he added and she smiled again, giving him a nod.  
  
Leaving the classroom she headed for the dorm, wanting to see if she could get a hold on Willow and ask her for the bliss of her company as a study- buddy later.  
  
***  
  
4.15 p.m.  
  
Spike leaned back in the armchair.  
  
He was climbing the walls and had been doing so since about fifteen minutes after she left. Telling her how he felt had just about been the most dumb- smart thing he had ever done. He wasn't sure how many other dumb-smart things he actually HAD on his list, but there were a few.  
  
Where was she? Why wasn't she there yet? How long did the sodding classes last? He could've gone to campus, he supposed. But he had wanted to wait. To trust her statement that she would return. To be there and not somewhere else once she came...  
  
But where was she?! What was taking so bloody long?  
  
The door slid open and he got to his feet, then quickly flopped himself back down, directing his gaze as lazily as he could manage on the TV-screen as she entered the room.  
  
Buffy looked at him, closing the door again and letting her bag slide off her shoulder to thump against the floor. She moaned tiredly as she dragged her feet up to him.  
  
"Rough day?" he asked, the nonchalance he forced into his manner made her arch one eyebrow, stopping to his right and looking down at him.  
  
"Yeah," she replied. "And it has yet to get to the kind I like," she added, making him give her a sideway glance and as his eyes met hers the attempt at acting cool slipped off him like water off a goose and he reached out a hand to grab her right wrist, pulling her onto his lap.  
  
"Let's see if I can help," he mumbled and she smiled as their lips locked together, the kiss deepening as she slid her arms around his neck.  
  
They broke it slowly and she curled herself up, resting her head by the side of his throat and turning her gaze on the TV.  
  
"What are you watching?" she asked. "Is this...? I know what this is - my mom watches this soap! Oh my God!" she then giggled, squirming as he grabbed her.  
  
"Enough of the teasing, love," he warned and she calmed down, though the smile was still wide on her face as she looked up at him - her head now on the left armrest.  
  
"I can't believe you watch that," she stated, not able to hold back the chuckles and he smiled before he bent forward and kissed her harshly.  
  
She kissed him back as the passion tore loose from its restraints and rushed through her, making her groan and bury her fingers in his hair. She moved herself to straddle him, her mouth still planted against his, and he let his hands glide inside her sweater and up her back. His caresses got her all the more hot and she pulled the sweater over her head before she grabbed the red shirt he was in and ripped it open.  
  
"Hey," he grumbled. "I went through a lotta bother breaking the window and picking this out," he added and she gave him a look before she leaned forward and began to trace the taut muscles of his abs with her tongue.  
  
His mouth dropped open as he closed his eyes, the sensations taking him over. Then the sound of soft giggling reached his ears and he opened his eyes again, looking down at her and she moved her head to meet his gaze - the wide smile again on her lips and her green orbs sparkling with humor as she said:  
  
"I just can't BELIEVE you watch that soap!"  
  
"You're gonna pay for that one," he stated, grabbing her and getting to his feet; her wrapping her legs around his waist with the smile turning mischievous as she asked:  
  
"Promise?"  
  
He smirked, kissing the tip of her nose before he answered:  
  
"I'll promise you anything... Just name it."  
  
She smiled sweetly before she moved her head to place her mouth by his right ear, whispering softly and making his eyes widen.  
  
"Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?" he asked as she pulled back again.  
  
"Not like I kiss you," she murmured before she crashed her lips against his.  
  
"I'd hope not," he grumbled, mouth still to hers, and she giggled once more as they sunk down on the sarcophagus.  
  
***  
  
9.49 p.m.  
  
"What's it like?" she asked and he blinked, turning his head to look down at her and she met his gaze; her cheek resting against his chest. "To be alive and still... not," she elaborated hesitantly and he thought about it for a short while before he answered:  
  
"I'm not sure anymore... remember?"  
  
She couldn't help but blush slightly at that and then she pulled up, kissing him gently.  
  
"You need to stop doing that," she mumbled, making a smile grace his lips as he cocked one eyebrow.  
  
"It's getting to you, eh?" he wondered and she smiled back, kissing him again before moving to lie on top of him as he added: "Well, don't bloody blame me - blame yourself! You're the inspiration for this sudden honesty, and frankly - I blame you entirely! And what is this?" he then wondered, looking down at her as she moved her arms and placed them on either side of his head, pulling up so that she could have her face right above his and he finished his question with: "You going into attack-mode, darling?"  
  
She laughed quietly, shaking her head.  
  
"I think it's too early for you to 'darling' me, sugar-lumps," she teased and he slid his hands up her buttocks and further up her back, making her bite her lower lip before she added: "And I didn't think you had to ASK me when I'm on 'attack-mode'?"  
  
"Ohh," he cooed, smirking.  
  
She returned it.  
  
"I don't know anything about you," she said silently, resting her forehead against his. "Except that your greatest fear is to be alone forever, and that you look absolutely incredible without one piece of clothing on... and that you kick ass" she added and he laughed at that.  
  
"What do you wanna know?" he asked and she gave a small shrug before she kissed him on his right cheek.  
  
"Well... What's more important? Making with the Big Bad or..."  
  
"Making with you?" he filled in and she smiled a little, kissing his left cheek as she nodded slowly. "Which is a sugarcoated way of bloody asking me how badly I wanna...bite?" he added and she moved her head back slightly to meet his gaze. "I wanna bite, Slayer. A part of me misses it and still feels the craving for it... I'm sorry if you can't understand it," he grumbled as she looked slightly disappointed.  
  
She shook her head then, giving him one of those small smiles as she said:  
  
"It's like an addiction."  
  
"It's a lifestyle that's been mine for a century," he corrected glumly. "It's my bloody instincts haunting me, love," he added, reaching up a hand and softly letting it slide down her locks. "It's not something I can just get passed."  
  
She swallowed, leaning her cheek into his touch and then she shook her head a little, holding his gaze.  
  
"I know that," she stated.  
  
"No, you don't," he disagreed gently. "If you did you wouldn't have asked me," he added and she closed her eyes before she bent her neck and kissed him on the lips.  
  
"It's just... hard," she grumbled and he nodded, his eyes closed as well.  
  
"But you're soft," he mumbled, lips brushing against hers and she smiled slightly.  
  
"So are you," she said silently and he smiled as well, their mouths joining in a by now very familiar game.  
  
***  
  
11.25 p.m.  
  
She watched him as he slept. She had been watching him for nearly half an hour. Fascinated by how peaceful he looked, and it reminded her of that moment in the basement when she had glimpsed him - as he had been - as a human. He looked kind, gentle... Quite the opposite to the master vampire who had come into her life like a fist in the face. What bruises hadn't he given her?  
  
And now?  
  
Now he was trying to soothe them.  
  
No.  
  
He wasn't trying; he was succeeding. It seemed half the time she completely forgot that she had ever wanted to have him away from her. Far away. Way away. Well, a small reason might be that all she really did want right now was to be close to him. This close. The way she was.  
  
It was astounding.  
  
How in one second the perception she had had for so long, of her life and of how it seemed to be panning out, had changed.  
  
He made her feel in a way that had her close to petrified, because when she thought of what he was, how he should stand for absolutely everything that she truly loathed - but now really didn't, and the fact of her actually sensing the truth of the words that he spoke to her... It was unbelievable.  
  
Still...  
  
She moved her head and gently slid her nose up his cheek before granting it a kiss.  
  
Where was this leading? Where was this taking her?  
  
There was only one way to find out.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Hello, the rest of you heart broken, depressed and utterly shocked out of your minds Spuffy lovers out there. I'll get to the rest of that later. For now - thank you so much for your never ending compassion for this story and the way it is going. I think we all need the balm right now.  
  
Special thanks this time to thechosen (I know what you mean with the unsatisfied bit. *shudders* Oh, and the over-reacting seemes just a tad short of how I freaked! So, no harm. Hey, "I wanna be sedated", right?) ;), Xionin (thank you a lot for that, I'm really glad you enjoyed it.) :), Pine (*smiles* thank you, my friend. Again with the so pleased you liked!) :), Renee' (I hate to know exactly what you mean by this being what you needed. I'd rather just be in complete denial over the whole finale. But I'm still glad that I was able to lend some ease, girl! Thanks!) :), charisma1525 (*smiles widely* Thanks so much for that. I'm so happy you approve! Just thanks for all the wonderful compliments and I hope this chapter was no disappointment!) :), c_fleurbleue (Thanks for that, I'm really glad you do and I hope you liked this as well!) ;), Rachel (*lol* I luved the cookiemonster bit. *grin* I'm so happy that got you happy, my friend. And here was a little bit of that...More.) ;), qattaca (I see the puddle, I just stepped in the puddle and I am very apologetic now that I realize that puddle was YOU! ;) Rather gooey, girl. *shudders* Hehe. And I still can't believe the finale! Can you?! Well, hope you enjoyed this chapter too!) Mel (Aw, wow, thanks for that compliment, I'm flattered. And AW about New Horizons. *smiles* That's nice to read. Very welcome, the happiness is just too important to overlook! *Take the bloody hint, JOSS!*) ;), Alyssa (Kisses and hugs back. I'm happy you liked! And that it sotthed if ever so slightly!) :), LizDarcy (Great, great that you liked that - then what Spuffy girl wouldn't - *tihi*, nah, seriously I'm glad you did and that...well, that it might've softened the blow just a bit... *sigh* Thanks!) :), vuks (Oh, my, I'm glad I could do that for you then. Not only save you from the numbing pain with what I wrote, but also from a numbing headache in the morning. ;) Happy to read that and I'm so happy to have helped!) :), Heather (Oh, take me with you on your journey, please!!! I can't, just can't believe that it ended like that! And I'm glad that this chapter was to your liking!) :) and Charlie (*smiles* I'm very happy you approve of the chappy and I hope to see ya soon!) :) - and to all THANK YOU for everything!  
  
And I really do hope you liked this last chapter!  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	34. Where Did the Darkness Go

*********************************TRApPeD********************************  
  
Thirty-Four: Where Did the Darkness Go  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-05-22  
  
*************************************************************************  
  
Day Twenty-Eight.  
  
7.33 a.m.  
  
Every time he woke with her in his arms was a cause for subtle surprise and pure pleasure. This morning was no exception and he turned his head to look down at her where she lay with one hand on his stomach and her head right below his shoulder. He could see the outline of her nose, cheek and of her chin; and the fact that he knew them all so well by now had a small smirk grace his lips.  
  
What were they doing? Was he out of his bloody mind not caring how much he needed her? If it didn't work out... If she truly left him behind... The thought sent shivers of discomfort down his back and he held her slightly tighter to him as he brushed those fears aside.  
  
He couldn't do anything to prevent it, if that day was up ahead of them. All he could do was enjoy the moment, and love her in a way that she would never forget, no matter what happened.  
  
He was turning into that weak sod he had always praised himself high for not being. He had taken pride in his ruthlessness and evilness and obvious hatred with everything around him. He had sought out the parts of him that harbored the darkest shadows of his being and he had shoved them forward until those parts were all there was to him...  
  
She had been right. The light in her had shone on parts of him he hadn't even known existed - because he had thought them vanished as he embraced the hardness of himself and let it protect him from everything that he had once been. Meek, gray, boring, average and frozen out of the society he had barely been born into. Ridiculed...  
  
He let one hand stroke her shoulder gently.  
  
For once maybe he had struck gold. If he could hold onto it. Hold onto her.  
  
She made him feel as though he mattered, as though there was something good in him after all because she could sense it. He only wondered if she believed in it; in him...  
  
She stirred and he laid his thoughts to rest as she turned her face to him and slowly opened her eyes.  
  
"Hi," she mumbled sleepily and he smiled.  
  
"Hi," he replied, pulling her up a little to kiss her and she returned it as she began to become more awake.  
  
Moving her head back to have his gaze meet hers she smiled again.  
  
"I can't help but think that something's going to happen to screw all of this up," she murmured and he smirked.  
  
"'All of this' being the horror of waking up beside me?" he asked and she cocked an eyebrow as she adopted a face of actually thinking that question over.  
  
He looked at her with the smirk growing and then she became serious as she replied:  
  
"No," kissing him tenderly again and he closed his eyes, running one hand through her soft locks and relishing in the feeling of her. "'All of this' being the facts of... nature being tampered with," she then said and he chuckled at that, shaking his head at her. "What?" she asked; fake-insult in her tone and a small pout on her mouth making him bite his lower lip as he kept the smile on.  
  
"Can you at least bloody well find a decent way of NOT finding a good enough explanation?" he teased and she smiled tentatively.  
  
"Hate you," she mumbled, though her voice was much too soft for him to even frown over that statement and he put his mouth to her forehead, murmuring:  
  
"And you know exactly how much I hate you too."  
  
She closed her eyes, wanting to kill off the smile he brought forth on her lips, but failed as the soft touch of his kiss still lingered on her skin.  
  
"I really have to get going," she sighed and he looked at her as she pulled herself back and into a seated position, meeting his gaze.  
  
"Do you know what time it is?" he asked and she cocked an eyebrow, then shook her head and he reached out a hand, taking a hold on her right wrist and making her lie beside him and partially on him again. "So where's the bleeding rush?" he wondered and she groaned, resting her head against his shoulder before she sat back up, shaking the former.  
  
Slipping over to the edge of the sarcophagus she got off it and to her feet, stretching her rather soar limbs before gathering her long locks into a ponytail and then simply letting them hang down her back. He propped his head into one hand as he observed her reach down and pick up her top.  
  
"I could watch you do that all day," he stated and she paused before she turned her head to him with a smirk on. "Come on, love... You KNOW you don't wanna go," he added, moving his free hand invitingly over the spot she had just made empty and cocking an eyebrow meaningfully.  
  
She gave him a look before she put the top on and then proceeded with her panties. He kept his gaze sliding over her body and when she bent down for her skirt he threw the sheet, which had been covering him from the waist down, off of him and jumped off the sarcophagus; approaching her with a look in those two blue eyes of his that she knew far too well and it made a suction appear in her stomach that had her legs quickly begin to grow wobbly.  
  
"Spike," she tried to stop him, but he'd have none of it and as his hands slid up her arms before pressing her to him she let out a small moan right before his mouth met hers roughly.  
  
She wrapped her arms tight around his neck and returned the kiss fervently.  
  
"We can't keep...doing this," she breathed as he let his lips leave hers and travel down the side of her throat.  
  
"Enjoy each other?" he wondered, kissing the place of her jugular before tracing her collarbone and moving further out to her shoulder, slowly walking around to stand behind her and brushing her hair away from her neck.  
  
She licked her lips, tilting her head back when he bent his own forward and brushed his lips against the very place he had cleared, slipping his tongue out to paint careful patterns over her skin and she drew a silent breath as she slid her arms back and let her hands rest on his waist before she leaned back against him.  
  
"No," she then disagreed, opening her eyes and forcing herself to take a step away from him before she turned to him, catching his gaze and holding it firmly as she added: "Pretend that the world isn't there anymore... 'Cause it is. And someday we'll have to deal with it."  
  
He tilted his head slightly to one side as he took the step dividing them and put his arms around her again. She resisted, but only for a moment. Then she relaxed and put her forehead against his chest with a sigh.  
  
"You wanna tell your chums 'bout us then?" he wondered, feeling how she once again turned rather rigid and trying to ignore the disappointment at the answer he could read in that alone. "So, I guess it's not just me who'd rather have the bloody world disappear, is it?" he added and she hesitated before she looked up at him. "If only for a night," he muttered, letting her go and stepping away from her before he gave her a small bow and moved one arm as an encouragement for her to get on with her dressing before he turned and walked through the room to the kitchen - to get himself some breakfast.  
  
She watched him, grinding her teeth and then did as he obviously suggested, grabbing her skirt off the floor and tugging it up to her waist. Letting her hands rest there she then waited for him to look at her again. He didn't and she shook her head at him.  
  
"I don't think they'd understand," she said and he slammed the door to the fridge shut, turning and walking into the room again, stopping a few feet away from her and looking both annoyed and sad.  
  
"No," he disagreed. "YOU still don't understand what the hell's there between us, what it means... what might come of it. You're scared out of your sodding mind, Slayer. And you don't wanna label this something that it may never get to be, do you?" She looked at him, uncomprehending, and he smiled bitterly before he elaborated: "Something more than... this," as he made a gesture between their two forms and she looked away from him.  
  
"I have to go," she murmured, grabbing her jacket and pulling it on before picking up her bag and slinging it over one shoulder.  
  
"You running from me, love?" he asked and she turned her head to him again, her eyes somber as she shook her head barely noticeably. "Then give me a kiss good-bye," he said and she shook her head again, this time a little more visibly and he smirked.  
  
She rolled her eyes, approached him quickly, stood on her toes and gave him a peck on the cheek. As she was about to turn from him again one of his hands slid behind her neck, grabbed hold and kept her in place before he joined their lips in a deep kiss. He ended it as he had started it, letting her go almost abruptly and she near enough lost her balance before she opened her eyes and glared up at him.  
  
"You STOLE that one," she accused and he smiled widely at that.  
  
"Did you really bloody expect anything else from me, pet?" he shot and she suppressed the smile successfully this time, keeping the impatience in her features before she swirled around and marched up to the door.  
  
"I'll see you later, hon!" he called after her.  
  
"Don't count on it, sweetie!" she yelled back, shutting the door with a pretty hard bang, which merely broadened his smile even more.  
  
He knew her. And she knew that he did.  
  
And, boy, did it bug her.  
  
***  
  
Willow looked up when the door of the room opened. As she saw it was Buffy who entered she directed her gaze back into the book she was reading for English class without so much as a hello and the former furrowed her brow as she closed the door behind her, watching her friend where she sat on her bed. When Buffy after a minute had passed still had gotten no reaction she grumbled and threw her bag on her own bed before she buttoned down her jacket.  
  
"I looked for you yesterday," she stated, pulling the jacket off and letting it join the bag before she brought her top over her head. "It's not like I've been avoiding you," she added when Willow merely shifted slightly in her seat. "Where were you, anyway? I looked all over campus..."  
  
"With Tara," Willow replied, tone short.  
  
Then she slammed the book shut and looked up, her eyebrows rising as she added:  
  
"Where were YOU - all night?"  
  
Buffy hesitated before she gave a small smile, shrugging.  
  
"I promised I'd be supportive," Willow said now, getting off her bed and to her feet as Buffy pulled a clean T-shirt over her head. "I know you need time and all that... But this is... It's... Were you with Spike?" she asked and Buffy stiffened before turning to her.  
  
"What makes you ask that?" she wondered, trying to keep a cool surface though her insides were twirling like mad. "I mean, Spike? Spike?!" she added, realizing that she shouldn't when Willow's eyes narrowed and watched her closely.  
  
"Why are you all...fidgety?" Willow inquired and Buffy took a step back as she pressed on another smile.  
  
"I'm not..."  
  
"You're all flushed and all fidgety!" Willow remarked, taking a step closer as she stared at her friend. "You WERE with Spike! What's going on?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Then why did you spend the night with him?"  
  
"Wills, I..."  
  
"What are you doing with him, Buffy?! Are you sleeping with him? I should've figured that whole House on Haunted Hill deal was way too easy to use as an excuse! But... why did you lie like that? I mean, if you're still sleeping with him, then...it had to be... Is it...? Is it MORE than that? Sorry to sound all shocked here but I'm just kinda... really shocked here!"  
  
"Willow!" Buffy finally got a word in and the redhead seemed to wait for whatever explanation was to follow. "I didn't lie," the former said and Willow raised her eyebrows again.  
  
"So... you're not sleeping with him anymore. You ending up in bed had everything to do with ghouls and bad things flying around in the atmosphere," she more or less stated, though the questioning gaze she gave her friend made the latter sink down on the edge of her bed.  
  
Okay. The Talk. It had arrived, it was there. It was happening.  
  
"I WANTED it to be true so badly," she murmured, not quite able to meet Willow's gaze, keeping her own on her hands as she continued: "I mean; I believed that it had to be true. I didn't lie 'cause when I agreed to what you said about what had happened - I thought that was how it had to be. I needed to have that be the reason... Otherwise..."  
  
She trailed off, bending forward and resting her forehead in her hands as she drew a deep breath. Willow slowly sat down beside her, a disbelieving expression on her face that Buffy couldn't see.  
  
"And something happened in the basement too, didn't it?" the Wicca asked, making Buffy swallow before she nodded, still in the same position. "That's where it all started... So, now you remember what happened, I take it," she added and at that Buffy raised her head with an incredibly guilty look in her eyes that made Willow frown.  
  
"Oh," she murmured.  
  
"Will, I was SO messed up when you guys got there, you have no idea... I couldn't believe I'd actually...! And when I saw Riley I just freaked. I thought maybe - if I made it so I could just put it behind me completely - then it'd go away."  
  
Willow stared at her, incredulously, before she asked:  
  
"You thought make believing that you had forgotten having sex with a vampire who you preached to me about that very DAY to be a threat and a liability - a vampire you'd have preferred it if he just 'disappeared' - if you pretended that it had never happened, it would be as though it never HAD?"  
  
Buffy blinked; then looked away from her friend.  
  
"It sounds a bit corny - spoken out loud like that, and by you. But I panicked!" she then tried and Willow merely raised her eyebrows once more, meaningfully. "I know," Buffy sighed. "I behaved like a regular jackass. Especially towards Riley. He never did anything to deserve that... And Willow," she whined, shaking her head a little, "I honestly think I'm losing my mind."  
  
"So for nearly a month you've been lying to me, to all of us?" Willow asked, making Buffy lean her head in her hands again. "So... what did happen in that basement?"  
  
There was a pause and then Buffy quietly grumbled:  
  
"He seduced me."  
  
Willow observed her in silence for a little while and then she asked slowly:  
  
"In five hours? I thought you weren't all that receptive to the thralls a vampire might try to throw at you?"  
  
"I'm NOT! And it wasn't five hours, not to us." Willow looked questioning and Buffy elaborated: "It was a little bit more like five days."  
  
The redhead's eyes grew slightly.  
  
"Wow... Five days? Well... whatever it was that he did... Did you want him to?"  
  
"I don't know," Buffy replied, looking up. "I might've... I mean, no. No, I didn't. Or...yeah. Well, it's just that there was water and... him and... I'm so weak," she whined again, shaking her head.  
  
Willow smiled empathically, reaching out a hand and stroking Buffy's shoulder comfortingly.  
  
"You know that's only human, I hope," the former then said and Buffy returned her smile with some gratitude.  
  
"I think - in this case - you're not really allowed to let your hormones get the better of you," she then murmured. "It's not exactly the average hello-sexy-guy-oh-please-just-..."  
  
"Let's skip the rest," Willow interrupted and Buffy gave her an apologetic smile.  
  
"Sorry..." she murmured, making Willow shake her head dismissively.  
  
"It's just that it's sort of strange hearing you put 'Spike' and 'sexy guy' in the same context," she then explained.  
  
"That's just it!" Buffy exclaimed. "See, I think it's strange myself! But when I'm with him... it's not."  
  
At that Willow stared at her.  
  
"So, there IS more?" she wondered, making Buffy grow self-conscious before she shook her head a little.  
  
"There's something there..." she mumbled, slipping into her own thoughts as she continued: "He's... different from before. He cares, I know he does... He's funny - in an irritating and twisted kinda way... There's such gentleness in his eyes..."  
  
As she trailed off the stillness crept into the room and settled between the two inhabitants in clear comfort. Willow letting Buffy's words sink in, and Buffy still lost in pictures from the past few days.  
  
"When did all this really start?" Willow then asked and Buffy furrowed her brow slightly as she searched for the answer.  
  
"For me? I honestly don't know how long I've been... I mean, subconsciously there's no way of telling just how I've been... I honestly don't know," she muttered, letting her hands slide through her hair.  
  
"And for him?" Willow inquired, making Buffy look up and hesitate before she replied:  
  
"He says... from the first time he saw me."  
  
She tried to keep the smile back, but couldn't and it spread on her mouth as she looked down on her hands. Willow frowned again, observing the very obvious satisfaction on her friend's features.  
  
"What else does he say?" she asked and Buffy cleared her throat, making the smile retract best she could before she met the redhead's gaze.  
  
"I know this sounds absolutely bizarro world, believe me - it's not like I'M even done processing all of it," she started, but Willow cut in.  
  
"It's not that there isn't chemistry," she said. "It's not that I haven't noticed it - as of late. When I saw you together that night, for example. And at your birthday party too. But... he doesn't have a soul. That's a major thing, isn't it?"  
  
Buffy blinked, then got to her feet.  
  
"Buffy," Willow said. "Are you sure you're not being set up? I mean, you're opening yourself up to him, I know you well enough to see that you are..."  
  
"I've thought about all that," Buffy interrupted. "Over and over and over. It's just... he told me that he's... in love with me. And I don't know why, or how I even can - but I think I believe him. He makes me feel in ways I never could've dreamed that he would. But yeah, I still remember what he's done... who he's been in my life up until an incredibly short while ago and I admit, I can't help thinking... where did the darkness go, you know?"  
  
Willow nodded her understanding.  
  
"All that really matters to me is that you're happy," she then stated firmly. "Honestly, it's your decision. Spike is... I suppose in between the insistent kidnappings and coming-close-to-killings and tries-to-bite he can be pretty... dark."  
  
Buffy smiled crookedly.  
  
"It's the black clothes," she said, a fake-grave expression on; adding: "They can be SO misleading."  
  
Willow smiled at that and then they both grew serious. Buffy sat down again, taking one of Willow's hands and asking:  
  
"Do you really mean that part about me and the happy? You don't hate me?"  
  
Willow smiled again, shaking her head.  
  
"Of course I don't hate you!" she assured, squeezing the blonde's hand. "And I think I kinda get why you didn't tell me... You really did have to straighten it out for yourself first."  
  
Buffy nodded, then frowned.  
  
"I don't think I have yet," she murmured and Willow smiled widely.  
  
"Are you in love with him?" she then asked and Buffy grew thoughtful before she answered:  
  
"How could I be? He's so wrong for me."  
  
Willow looked at her for a second before inquiring:  
  
"Then how come he makes you feel so good? 'Cause he does, doesn't he?"  
  
"Yeah," Buffy agreed quietly. "He really does."  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
It truly is a treat as a writer to be able to hear so many thoughts and actually communicate with my readers. I love y'all for wanting to communicate back. Thanks so much for fabulous feedback and delicious support!  
  
Very special thanks to thechosen, Night, Spikes Girl 4 ever!, Jay-D, Pine, Alyssa, qattaca, Callie, LizDarcy, Juliya, Jade2099, wolf116, VampiresKiss, Mel, Renee', Abby (*smiling widely here* Sucha boost to read that!) :), Rachel, Phyllis (on both! Thanks!), Willow (you read my mind with the Willow thing! Hope you liked!) ;), Von and Ape18 - to ALL great big fat thank yous for as always so great reviews! I'm SO glad you're still liking this!  
  
Now on to the whole me freaking out over nothing at the end of the last chapter! Oh, WARNING - CONTAINS SMALL SPOILERS AS TO THE ENDING OF S7.  
  
First of all - I should have started or at least ended the whole thing with clarifying that I didn't SEE the episode with my own two blue eyes - I read the much too unclear sum-up on UPN and if ANYONE read that as well (being as unspoiled as I was) they can vouch for me that it was B-A-D. So, I didn't have the advantage of actually witnessing the incredible acting skills of neither James nor Sarah - hence no facial expressions and no emotional expressions through those facial expressions what so ever. This would explain a lot as to why I reacted so strongly because on the UPN site they REALLY painted a not so pretty picture. At all.  
  
Secondly - to the little details. The Angel bit was, to me - and bare with me here, I was in a state of shock pretty much from the first line - very poorly depicted on the site. I got the completely wrong idea but they just wrote that really badly. At least for someone who's mind was already clouding up with really bad visions. (No sugarplums dancing in them anywhere.) Then they made Buffy out as though she reacted to Spike "sulking" in the basement had her pretty much pissed off - which would have a light shine on the fact that she doesn't give a shhh what he's feeling. And the ending. Well. They really did a number on me there. It seemed as though Buffy just. I dunno. Gave a shrug that he had to die and then left him. And also like Spike saw the truth in her and knew that she really didn't love him at all. And that she looked into the rising sun with a smile on her face as though his sacrifice meant nothing but for the fact of letting her have the life she had always wanted.  
  
Finally - I take it all back. All the things I saw in what I read has been completely demolished, vaporized by all you wonderful people. I had to get it out of me and now that it is gone, without even having a reason to ever be there in the first place, I feel so wonderful. And the ending - it fits. It's how it should be. As long as they get to finish it somehow with Buffy and Spike in the series finale or whatever of Angel. How they play that, of course, matters. But I'm still happy now. So, to ALL of you who took the time to write me in their reviews and over the email - I can't begin to express my gratitude. My ease of mind I owe completely to you! Thank you!  
  
HOPE you liked this chapter as well! ;)  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	35. Softly We Tread

*********************************TRApPeD*********************************  
  
Thirty-Five: Softly We Tread  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-05-26  
  
**************************************************************************  
  
Day Thirty-One.  
  
12.33 p.m.  
  
Willow took another bite on her apple, rolling over on her stomach on the floor of the dorm room to look at Buffy - who was lying on her back beside her.  
  
"I would love you forever if you promised me you won't tell Spike I told you," Buffy said.  
  
"You don't love me anyway?" Willow asked, mock-hurt in her tone and Buffy gave her a small shove in the side with one hand. "Okay, so why don't you want me to tell him you told me?" the former then wondered and Buffy raised one shoulder in a shrug before she replied:  
  
"I'm scared he'll take it as some sort of... admittance."  
  
Willow smiled.  
  
"That you're 'into him'?" she asked and Buffy couldn't help but giggle.  
  
"If you're gonna act the part of teasing-best-friend-when-huge-secret-has- been-let-out I think I'm just gonna get off this floor and go sulk in some darkened corner," she then muttered, smile still on though and it was Willow's turn to chuckle.  
  
"Sorry... It's just - the thought of you with Spike is... complex. Are you planning on telling Xander anytime soon? And Giles...?"  
  
"Look, I just asked you not to speak of your knowledge of this whole thing loudly or even in whispers to anyone - do you think I'm thinking of telling those two? Really?" she inquired sarcastically and Willow cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"You know, actually you only asked me not to tell Spike," she then pointed out and Buffy gave her a look before she said:  
  
"I did say that, didn't I? Alright, I will love you even more than I already do if you promise me not to tell anyone about this - ESPECIALLY Spike."  
  
"I promise I won't tell Spike you told me that you think he's hot," Willow assured.  
  
"Willow!" Buffy exclaimed, sitting up. "It's weird enough as it is - you don't have to act all okay with it," she then added and Willow grinned.  
  
"Who's acting? I understand, okay? More than you know," she then added and Buffy frowned slightly just as Willow caught eye of the clock on her bedside table and sat up.  
  
"We really should hit the library, Saturday afternoon's seem to be the national hours of studies and there's always the Finding of a Table part that grows trickier each time," she stated, getting to her feet and Buffy did the same, smiling.  
  
***  
  
9.53 p.m.  
  
Buffy stopped before the doors of his crypt with butterflies fluttering around in her stomach and she braced herself. She couldn't keep this up. This falling at his feet whenever he graced her with a look, a caress... She had to be able to be in the same room as him without losing her head, because he was going to help them now. He was going to be at the meetings. She wanted him to be included if he was going to risk his... un-life for the sake of their mission. She was going to be seen with him by the Gang. By the people who knew her the best. They would see; they were bound to notice. Just as Willow had.  
  
She drew a breath and opened the door leading into the small foyer. Proceeding up to the other one she opened it and walked through it with her head held as high as she could and her heart beating much too hard in her chest.  
  
The room was bursting with candles and she stopped short at the sight of them. Their dancing flames cast a beautiful and warm glow about the room and she felt her decisiveness slide off her and land at her feet, light as feathers. She buttoned up her jacket and slid it off her shoulders as she took a slow turn to look around her.  
  
"Spike?" she then called.  
  
She jerked when his voice came from right behind her and then she relaxed as his hands glided over her waist, his arms following as he held her to him.  
  
"I got you something," he said and she frowned slightly as he made her walk forward, following tight on her heels as he still held her.  
  
"What is it?" she asked and she could almost sense the smile on him as he replied:  
  
"Patience is a virtue."  
  
She smirked, closing her eyes at the feeling of him close.  
  
"Okay...almost now," he stated silently, making her come to a halt and then he let her go, moving to her side instead and taking her right hand in his - making her stretch her arm out and take another small step forward.  
  
She frowned as her fingers slid over something soft. It felt like...  
  
She opened her eyes and had a smile spread wide on her lips before she turned her head to him with her eyes shining her delight.  
  
"You got me a mattress?" she asked, voice full of laughter and he smirked.  
  
"Need to spare that back of yours, don't we?" he asked in return and she let the laughter out at that, taking the step parting them and wrapping her arms around him.  
  
He put his around her too and soon enough the tenderness of the embrace began to grow apparent. She closed her eyes a second time and relaxed into it.  
  
"I'm sorry 'bout how we left it," he murmured and she smiled a small smile at those words. "You know I meant what I said... I just didn't mean for it to..."  
  
She interrupted him by pulling back slightly and then joining their lips gently. Deepening the kiss slowly she didn't break it for a long while; tasting him and letting him taste her. When she ended it in the same fashion by which she had started it she did it with another smile, looking up and meeting his gaze.  
  
He looked quite wondering, as well as glad. She kind of liked that expression on him.  
  
"I was barely annoyed over that," she then remarked about the slight argument they had had that morning.  
  
"So... where've you been? Patrolling?" he wondered and her smile widened.  
  
"Missed me bad?" she asked teasingly and he gave her a look which merely made her giggle. "I was studying," she then answered his question, "with Willow."  
  
"Studying, eh?" he asked, kissing her on the mouth and she smirked. "I hate that..." he then mumbled, kissing her again, a second longer this time and she slid her hands into his hair as he made her walk backwards until her legs were against the now mattress-covered sarcophagus. "Except when it comes to my favorite subject," he added and once again he kissed her, this time deepening it as he had her lay back down, him following to place himself between her thighs.  
  
"Me?" she asked and he pulled up to look down at her with a mischievous grin spreading over his mouth before he shook his head a little, saying:  
  
"Sex ed."  
  
Her own smile broadened before she giggled.  
  
"You fiend," she grumbled right before their lips met harshly and the world slipped away - for another night.  
  
***  
  
Day Thirty-Two.  
  
10.45 a.m.  
  
The smell of food woke her and she opened her eyes, looking up at the rough stone ceiling above before she sat up and directed her gaze toward the so- called kitchen. She furrowed her brow, grabbing the sheet which covered her as she moved to the edge of the mattress and stood on the floor, wrapping the piece of fabric around her as she started toward the space where she could hear sounds of frying and silverware against plates.  
  
She stopped a few feet behind the noisemaker, observing the muscles of his back move beneath his smooth skin as his right arm lifted the frying pan off the small stove - which was of the portable variety. She smiled a little.  
  
"Did you get that for me as well?" she then asked and he didn't turn his head to her as he merely huffed.  
  
Her smile widened and she took the few steps up to him, wrapping her arms around him from behind in the fashion he had her the night prior and resting her cheek against the place of his spine. Her hands slid up his torso and he stopped his movements at her touches.  
  
"You're gonna make me burn the sodding eggs, love," he murmured and she chuckled at that, moving herself around him so that she could face him and he smiled a small smile when he met her eyes.  
  
"Don't try to," she mumbled and he arched one eyebrow quizzically. "Make me all comfortable," she elaborated. "I'm not gonna stay here every night, you know?"  
  
He merely smirked at that, bending down and kissing her, deepening it before he pulled away again and made her step aside.  
  
"Go back to bed," he instructed. "I planned this to be breakfast in that very furniture and I'm bloody sticking to that."  
  
"Don't need any help?" she asked and he gave her a look which made her back off with another smile spreading over her lips and then she did as he asked, going back up to the sarcophagus and climbing up on it. "This thing is comfortable," she stated, throwing herself carelessly down on her back on the mattress and he smirked, hoisting some eggs and a load of bacon over onto a plate.  
  
"Sorry to be a bother then," he replied and she raised her eyebrows, still lying down.  
  
"Bother?" she wondered and he grabbed a few pieces of toast in one hand, the plate in the other and then he walked in her footsteps up to where she now lay.  
  
"I wasn't supposed to try and make you 'comfortable'," he reminded and she looked sheepish.  
  
"My memory's not what it used to be," she muttered and he kept the smirk on as he set the plate down before her. "Or so it would seem," she added, her eyes staring at the mountain of food before her. "Am I supposed to eat all of that all by my 'itsy-bitsy' self?" she inquired and he laughed.  
  
"I think your memory is more or less intact, pet," he remarked and she smiled at that, then shrugged.  
  
"Still, are you trying to fatten me up, honey - should I be offended?" she asked, her tone only half sarcastic and he smiled with his eyes twinkling warmth before he leaned his upper body forward and kissed her gently.  
  
"You're perfect," he stated, voice lowered and she felt shivers of well- being hurry through her. "You're gorgeous," he mumbled, letting his mouth journey down the side of her neck and she leaned her cheek against his. "You're drop-dead beautiful," he said and she laughed softly.  
  
"I'm glad this isn't beating then," she replied, putting one hand over the place of his heart as he pulled back to look at her, "I wouldn't wanna..." she began, pausing as she suddenly grew self-conscious beneath his gaze and then she finished silently: "lose you."  
  
He eyed her so closely at that small disclosure that she had to remove her gaze from his and then she stuttered:  
  
"Lose you 'cause of the you dropping dead, I mean... I'm glad that... that isn't..."  
  
Trailing off she shook her head at the idiot that she was and then forced herself to look back at him. He observed her for another moment and then he reached out one hand and let it glide down her locks before stopping by her cheek.  
  
"I'm not expecting happily ever after," he stated and for some reason those words filled her with quiet discomfort. "But you make me believe in it. In something like that happening... even for two messed up beings like you and me," he added and she merely stared at him, very taken by those words and feeling the wanting to say something with equal serenity back.  
  
However, she was stumped, though it wasn't the first time - was it?  
  
"Stop," was all she could finally murmur, moving away from his touch and turning herself so that she dangled her legs over the edge of the mattress, closing her eyes and shaking her head a little.  
  
She opened them again when he moved as well, only he got off the sarcophagus all together and came to kneel down before her, taking her hands in his and looking up and into her face - catching her gaze and refusing to release it. She swallowed. Waited. Observed him back and felt something tentative scratch the edge of her heart. And he was right. It DID scare her.  
  
"I'm not ready," she whispered and he nodded, letting her hands go for moving his own to her waist - pulling her down to straddle him before he wrapped his arms around her and held her to him.  
  
"I love you," he mumbled and she put her arms around him as well, nestling her face against his throat and feeling the net of sanctuary carefully entangle her.  
  
"When I'm in your arms," she said, voice lowered, "I feel completely... safe. Like nothing in this world can ever touch me... Why is that?"  
  
He smiled at the question, making her look up at him.  
  
Then he tenderly kissed her, deepening it as she returned it and the sensation of his feelings for her as he needed to make them clear was all that filled her.  
  
"Oh," he suddenly grumbled, pulling away and she opened her eyes with her eyebrows rising. "Bloody hell," he added and she couldn't help but smirk.  
  
"You're sucha romantic, sweetie," she teased and he chuckled.  
  
"Your food!" he replied. "It'll be all cold and nasty," he muttered. "Come on, love. I'll make you something else..."  
  
"Hey," she stopped him as he was about to rise, smiling a small smile she added: "What's to say I don't like cold-and-nasty?"  
  
He met her gaze and then smiled widely in return before he kissed her again. After a few minutes he did rise - with her legs still around his waist - and sat her down on the mattress before he slowly ended the kiss.  
  
"I want you to enjoy that," he stated with a nod to the plate. "What's to drink? Water, juice... water?"  
  
She sighed when he straightened his back, she was pouting and he smiled again.  
  
"Juice will be fine," she then grumbled as he removed himself from her immediate presence. "Orange?" she wondered and he nodded, strolling over the floor of the crypt and up to the fridge. "I don't like orange," she stated, stretching out on her stomach across the mattress and watching him as he turned partially to her. "I only like grape," she added and he cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"If you're suggesting I go get you some, milady, I have but one sodding thing to say: the-sun's-up," he remarked and she merely shrugged.  
  
"I don't HAVE to have anything to drink," she said, picking up a piece of bacon from the plate and taking a small bite before she continued: "It's just that it'd be more like a real breakfast... WITH juice, I mean."  
  
He blinked. Then he gave her a dark look which had a smile spread like a forest fire across her lips and he shook his head at her.  
  
"Don't push me," he warned and she giggled, throwing the piece of bacon his way and when he ran up to her she was already ready for him as she had gotten to her knees.  
  
He threw himself on her, making her fall backwards and wrestling her down as he grabbed her wrists and fitted himself between her thighs.  
  
"Wouldn't dream of it," she assured; the smile still on and he had to return it. "Spike," she then mumbled and he raised his eyebrows questioningly. "Would you really have gone?" she asked and he hesitated a moment before he smirked.  
  
"Would you have for me?" he retorted and she looked at him; then smirked as well.  
  
"I really love my breakfast in bed," she said sweetly and he snickered. "Or - on mattress," she corrected. "Where did you get it, anyway?" she inquired as he rolled off her and sat up.  
  
He turned his head to look at her and then tilted it a little to one side. The meaningful arching of one eyebrow had her huff as she sat up as well.  
  
"Of course," she then muttered. "I forget - you're my Clyde."  
  
"Clyde was human," Spike pointed out and she huffed again. "Clyde was psychotic," he added.  
  
"He was a homicidal maniac," she stated. "And he was a bank robber, which was the parallel I was aiming for."  
  
"Well, I don't mean to be picky, 'Bonnie' darlin'," he replied, "but comparing me with Clyde is lacking good sodding imagination. It's just sloppy, pet."  
  
"Really?" she asked, mock-intrigue in her voice and he nodded.  
  
"Hell yeah. I've never robbed a bank, for one. And you'd better bloody believe that I've never fired a gun or a rifle in my whole existence. And thirdly - he was a bum. He just chose the easy way out, didn't he?" Spike stated and Buffy giggled at that. "What's so bloody funny?" he murmured.  
  
"You are," she answered him without hesitation. "You're saying that you're not taking an easy way out - stealing whatever you want? I know it's part of the whole 'evil dead' image you've got going for you and all, but honestly! Can you really say that you could hack it as anything but?"  
  
He raised his eyebrows, truly offended by that.  
  
"I could get a job!" he burst out before the words had even slipped fully through his head and his eyes grew as he realized that he had actually just uttered them. "Not that I ever would," he hurriedly added. "I don't work well with authority, Slayer," he continued as she crossed her arms over her chest and took to observing him. "And - I'm lazy," he finished matter-of- factly and she smiled again.  
  
"No, you're incorrigible," she disagreed. "One of your less charming traits," she added and he shook his head.  
  
"You have no idea how much you've..." he mumbled, cutting the sentence short and holding her gaze.  
  
Her heart was slowing rather painfully, as well as time and she thought she could have heard a drop of water hit the floor - had there been one. Then she reached out one hand and slid it over his cheek gently.  
  
"Make love to me," she asked of him, and he grew serious before he moved forward slowly, putting one hand on either side of her hips and then stroking his nose against hers as she slid her fingers up his torso and over his shoulders before burying them in his bleached curls.  
  
He kissed her, softly.  
  
And obliged her with ease.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Dear readers, you are the sunshine of my life. That's why I'll always be around. ;) Thanks a lot for wonderful reviews. I'm so so happy, as always, that you keep enjoying this! Your comments and thoughts are always so much fun to read! Hope this chapter was no disappointment. :)  
  
Warm and special thanks to Willow :), Mer *wide smile*!, thechosen :) , Cate ;), katrinas :), Alyssa :), Von *grin* and yay!;), Bitty-Buffy *smile*!!!, qattaca *lol* :), tricia (thanks!) :), Pine (thank you and I agree!), Heather (that a hint for me to update faster or was that not sarcastic? ;) Sunscreen's in the bag!) ;), LizDarcy *oh dear* ;) and Leanne8582 *woah and wow*!!! - thank you all so very much for all your continuing support! I luv ya!!!  
  
So sorry this chapter was so late! I wanted to post it yesterday - but life got in the way, as it does. I really hate posting with this sort of interlude! Again, hope you got to enjoy the chapter!  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	36. Twists and Turns

*********************************TRApPeD*******************************  
  
Thirty-Six: Twists and Turns  
  
By Annie.  
  
2003-06-02  
  
*************************************************************************  
  
Day Thirty-Two.  
  
11.35 p.m.  
  
He held her as she slept, wondering if she knew. If she realized what she did to him. What having her relaxed, in his arms, meant to him.  
  
This love - strange in origin, but strong, overwhelmingly so, as it took hold - was circling beneath his breast as he watched her face.  
  
He wanted to be worthy of her and something deep down kept murmuring that he never would be. He was unclean before her, and he knew that no matter what good she brought forth from the forgotten and abandoned corners of his being - it wasn't up to her to cleanse him.  
  
It never had and it never would be part of who she was, and so how could he ever, for even one second, think that he had a right to be?  
  
The whole affair was rather hopeless, wasn't it? He just couldn't even fathom how he was to give her up.  
  
He felt moronic that he after four days already was contemplating ways of leaving behind the best thing that had ever happened to him... No matter what - SHE was a part of HIM. Was he supposed to rip his heart out and still be able to go on?  
  
The irony of that question hit him the next moment and he laughed silently to himself. After all, he hadn't needed his heart in over a century, had he?  
  
No, there was no poetic analogy to create for what she stood for within him. His soul had been absent for as long as his heart had. His conscience was too flat of a likeness, it was too without emotion. She was so much more.  
  
She was... his sun.  
  
She was his sunrise and sunset; granting him what he had been forced to merely yearn for during the past one-hundred-and-twenty-five years. He hadn't even realized how much he had missed it.  
  
Its warmth on his face.  
  
Its light brilliant in his eyes.  
  
The soft caress of heated summer breezes...  
  
It wasn't the same in the shadows. It couldn't be. With her the darkness fled as though faced by a mighty flash of lightening. It scurried.  
  
He was rather surprised at how little he actually wanted it back.  
  
He also understood why his grandsire had fallen head over feet. This young girl must have eased his memories, stroked them away with her touch, made him feel real again. The younger vampire now let his gaze drift over her features and slightly furrowed his brow.  
  
"How in the world could Peaches ever leave you?" he then whispered.  
  
He was taken off guard by her voice as she asked:  
  
"Angel?"  
  
The silence seemed to speak louder than words because after a pause she opened her eyes and was the one who picked up the thread again, saying:  
  
"He couldn't give me what I wanted, and he realized that. The best thing for the both of us was him leaving..."  
  
"But in the basement..." he mumbled. "You seemed upset."  
  
"I was," she replied. "I understood why he had to go when he did, but it still hurt so much... I guess I'm healing," she added quietly and he smiled tentatively at that before asking:  
  
"'He couldn't give you what you wanted'...?"  
  
She nodded.  
  
"We could never have a relationship, you know? I could never have a normal life with him..."  
  
"What?" Spike interrupted. "Kiddies, a doggie and a few acres of just-your- bloody-own?" he then scoffed. "You seriously saying you'd be content with that?"  
  
She grew thoughtful; then shrugged.  
  
"Mhm," she said. "Maybe not... Not now. But later, if I live to see that day, a family would be. not all foul and bad-tasty as you make it sound."  
  
"You - a mom?" he wondered sarcastically and she gave him a push with one hand.  
  
"Shut up," she grumbled and he smirked, though he soon grew serious as he eyed her for a few moments. "Maybe," she then continued, "the noble thing was for Angel to recognize our love for what it was - and let it go. I mean, in the end - cursed and all that he was - it was kinda... hopeless."  
  
Spike blinked at that, his grip on her tightening ever so slightly as he said, voice lowered:  
  
"Right... Hopeless..."  
  
***  
  
Day Thirty-Three.  
  
8.45 a.m.  
  
"Yesterday was a good day."  
  
He looked down at her at those words, her hand sliding into his and he smiled a little. They had just stopped before the door of Giles' apartment and he could tell that she was incredibly nervous.  
  
"I just wanted to let you know that I enjoyed it," she added and his smile broadened before he nodded his agreement, bending forward to kiss her on the mouth and then they unlocked their fingers, stepping apart slightly. "Okay," she breathed. "Here goes."  
  
She walked up to the door, then turned around to face him again. He cocked an eyebrow and at the slightly mischievous expression in his eyes she gave him a warning glare.  
  
"Please, no twists. No turns," she then grumbled and he smirked.  
  
"Ladies first," he merely replied, giving a nod toward their point of entry.  
  
She squared her shoulders, reached her hand out and knocked, with her eyes still in his. He kept the smirk on until the handle turned; then he stripped it off and took on a look of nonchalance as he completely discarded his previous statement and took the lead; brushing passed Buffy and then Giles - who had opened the door.  
  
Buffy kept from rolling her eyes at him as she greeted her Watcher with a smile, following the vampire into the living room where Willow and Tara were already seated on the couch. They were talking, but raised their heads as the addition to the gathered joined them; Buffy saying "hey" and Spike barely glancing at them as he began to stroll about the room.  
  
"I would very much appreciate," Giles said, watching as the unearthly being carelessly ran one hand along a row of books on one of the bookshelves, "if you were to refrain from touching my things," the former finished and Spike looked up, meeting Giles' gaze and holding it for a moment before he smiled with a shrug.  
  
"You're the territorial type," he then stated. "'S all right, so am I," he then added, turning his eyes in Buffy's who merely gave him a look to cut it out. "Not in abundance," he finished and she forced back the smile before looking down at Willow instead of at him.  
  
"Well, Spike, though all of us - I'm quite sure - do feel some confusion as to exactly why you have decided to help us in this matter, we are also... to some extent... grateful," Giles said, making Spike turn his gaze in his again. "We all have faith in Buffy," Giles added. "If she says that you by some mystical perchance have turned a new leaf..."  
  
"There are no sodding leaves being turned," the vampire interrupted with a snort. "The Initiative made the bloody thing, right?" he then asked and Giles nodded, looking perplexed as to where the other was going. "Those soldier boys put the bleeding chip in me," the bleached grunted. "Figure I can give them a head ache of their own, destroying their master weapon and whatnot."  
  
Giles observed him for a few seconds before he removed his glasses and began to polish them.  
  
"Quite," he then said and Spike raised his eyebrows meaningfully at that.  
  
The door opened and Xander stepped through it, Anya following close behind.  
  
"Great," Spike muttered, turning from the duo to pretend to focus his attention on the bands of books neatly stocked behind the glass of the cupboard before him.  
  
"What's Captain Peroxide doing here?" Xander demanded, stopping short five feet inside the room.  
  
"You should bloody strip-search him for tuna-cans," Spike shot, turning his head with an impatient scowl directed the human's way. "He's a regular buggering menace to society," he added and Xander smiled humorlessly.  
  
"You know, that's funny - you going around dealing out accusations right and left," he replied. "I mean, considering YOU being the angel of Death and all."  
  
"I had a bump for three days on my bloody forehead from where you hit me!" Spike exclaimed, his voice bearing a tone of insult.  
  
"Oh, listen to the previous Big Bad doing his boo-hoos!" Xander taunted, making Spike take a step forward and a split second later Buffy did as well, looking from one to another as she said:  
  
"Oh, boys, let's not start the day with arguments and sour expressions. Spike - you should let the tuna-incident lie. Xander - try to get passed the... Just cool down, okay? You're behaving like two six year olds!"  
  
"The whelp started it!" Spike huffed.  
  
"I did NOT," Xander burst out, offended.  
  
"What was the whole bloody 'peroxide' deal? I'd class that as harassment," Spike stated and Xander's eyes grew before he shook his head.  
  
"Yeah? Well, what was that 'great' all about, huh? Didn't sound like you were thrilled to see me and Ahn, did it?"  
  
"Should I be 'thrilled' that you come to infest my morning with never ending, pointless jokes and lack-of-brain?" Spike inquired sarcastically, Buffy merely rolling her eyes to the ceiling and backing off.  
  
"Did he just say I make pointless jokes into eternity?" Anya wondered, looking up at Xander.  
  
He ignored her, the rising anger too great.  
  
"I was saying that YOU started this!" he then replied.  
  
"With the 'great' comment? Boy, you're so darn touchy I think I might have to go stand on the other side of the room," Spike muttered.  
  
"No, not with that comment! With you ever setting foot in MY town!" Xander yelled.  
  
"'Your' town?!" Spike barked back, incredulously. "If this is anyone's bloody town, it's HERS," he then added, pointing his index finger at Buffy who had crossed her arms over her chest and now looked at him; then at Xander.  
  
"She's my best friend; I've been with her through everything - including YOU. I shoulder the burden with her! Thus," the human stated, waving his arms in small circles before pointing his own index fingers to the floor as he added, " MY town."  
  
"I try to make jokes," Anya said now. "Good ones. Not nervous ones like you, honey," she added, still getting no reaction from her lover as he glared with irritation at the fiend before him.  
  
"You done?" Buffy broke the intensifying silence.  
  
"Not by a long shot," Spike grumbled.  
  
"Not even close," Xander agreed.  
  
"Then could you take it outside?" she asked. "We need to get this meeting going," she added.  
  
Spike and Xander exchanged another look.  
  
"Another time, another place?" Xander wondered and Spike smirked.  
  
"Any time, any place, mate," he replied and Xander gave a nod before taking Anya's hand.  
  
"There was a man and a dog and a cat..." she started, addressing the assembled people and then she stopped herself, saying: "Or, at least I THINK there was a cat... Well, the dog said to the man... Or was it the two animals talking with each other...?" she then mumbled and Xander looked at her questioningly.  
  
"What are you...?" he began, but she interrupted.  
  
"Be quiet, honey, you'll ruin my attempt at humor," she said.  
  
"Don't strain yourself, pet," Spike cut in. "That part of the insult wasn't meant for you."  
  
"Oh, good," she smiled. "Thank you for clearing that up," she added and Spike smirked.  
  
"No need to thank me, love," he replied, turning his eyes into Buffy's and noticing the rather stiff posture on her.  
  
He frowned slightly and she gave him another look before turning from all of them and walking into the kitchen area.  
  
Leaning against the counter she closed her eyes at the annoying jealousy gnawing away at her. So, he carried himself in this certain way around women. He always had! Christ, what was this? She knew how he was. She just wasn't used to him not being how he was... with her.  
  
These past few days are playing tricks on your mind, she thought to herself.  
  
"Slayer," he said behind her and she knew he was barely moving his lips as the low purr behind every word became apparent when he continued: "You're not out here 'cause of anything I said or... did, are you?"  
  
She shook her head a little, turning to him with an ironic smile as she crossed her arms over her chest again.  
  
"Don't flatter yourself," she muttered and he smiled back.  
  
"Sorry," he replied, holding his hands out to the sides disarmingly as he took a step closer. "I've been told I'm incorrigible; and I wouldn't wanna call the lady who said that a liar."  
  
She smiled with more feeling at that.  
  
"Stop it," she then murmured, taking a step forward and turning her head to look out into the living room.  
  
"Make me," he said, reaching out one hand and tickling her side, making her jerk with a giggle mixed with a yell of surprise.  
  
Nobody had been paying them any attention up until that; now they all turned their heads their way - wondering.  
  
Buffy pushed Spike's arm away with a glare laced with as much threat as she could muster, and then she shook her head dismissively before walking passed the vamp and into the small hallway leading to the bathroom and guestroom. He followed.  
  
"I mean it!" she hissed and he smiled again, leaning into her and pressing her up against the wall.  
  
"You're loving this," he whispered and she couldn't help but smile, suppressing it a little too late and then shaking her head again. "Can't you feel it?" he asked, his hand sliding up one of her legs and then stopping between them, making her take a shaky breath. "The rush..." he mumbled.  
  
"Buffy!" Willow called and the Slayer pushed the Vamp away with a hard shove.  
  
Straightening out her clothes she then answered:  
  
"Coming!"  
  
Giving Spike another warning look before she rejoined the Gang in the living room.  
  
Jealousy becomes you, he thought as he slowly followed. Milady, he added with a smile spreading over his lips.  
  
Leaning against the doorframe he casually listened to the conversation unfolding between the Scoobies. Buffy was sitting on a table which faced Willow and Tara, who in turn were sitting with their backs to the counter of the kitchen which also could serve as a bar - giving direct insight into that very room, in which Giles was now standing. Xander and Anya were to the two Wicca's right, Anya on Xander's lap.  
  
They were discussing Adam... Willow filling the meeting-inexperienced Tara in on all the Scoobie talk. Buffy said something about there being a low kill-count during her last patrols.  
  
Yeah, 'cause you've been patrolling for a lousy five minutes at a time, sweetheart, Spike thought to himself, keeping the smirk down as he watched her speak.  
  
Okay, so he wasn't being fair. She HAD been patrolling. Being the dutiful one that she simply was... He watched how her hair fell softly down one shoulder as she moved her head to look at Xander. Then how she nodded her agreement and said something in return. Giles began to speak.  
  
Snore.  
  
Bloody bore much? Spike muttered in his mind, feeling as though he'd do best in leaving before he crumbled into a bag of bones on the floor.  
  
What was he really doing there anyways?  
  
And then her eyes met his, and a small smile, which he was pretty sure only he could see, formed on her mouth, and he remembered exactly why he was there.  
  
Before he knew it everybody were rising and getting their jackets. He blinked.  
  
"That's it?" he asked and Willow turned her head to him. "That's the whole bloody carnival? Fireworks and all? It took less then fifteen sodding minutes!"  
  
She smiled sympathetically.  
  
"Sorry to disappoint you," she then said and he gave her a look.  
  
"It was just brainstorming, ho-..." Buffy began, almost pausing before she quickly continued the word with: "however, later on there'll be fireworks and ka-blam and... a parade, even. Are we done here?" she asked, turning to Giles who raised his eyebrows slightly, he was now seated on a chair by the very table on which she herself had been sitting.  
  
"Yes, I believe we are," he answered and she smiled brightly.  
  
"That's great. That's just... I have to go. Track... Adam and... study. Exams," she stated and Giles nodded, still looking at her rather oddly and she pulled her jacket on hurriedly.  
  
"I have been rather meaning to ask you about school," he said, getting to his feet and she turned to him. "How is everything? Are you doing well?"  
  
"With a little help from my friends," she answered and he smiled.  
  
The sound of the door opening didn't stop him from continuing as he asked:  
  
"I saw Mrs. Dunn the other day and she said something about trigonometry and I could hardly understand a word that came out of that woman's mouth... It's extraordinary how she ever..."  
  
At the stunned expression on Buffy's face as she watched something behind his shoulder, and after observing that very expression on most faces of the group before him, he turned around toward the door. Soon he bore the same look as he stared at the person in the doorway.  
  
"Hey," Oz said with a very small shrug, hesitantly awaiting their reactions.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Wow, I can't believe my feedback on the last chapter! It's wonderful! And it's more than wonderful to be able to start off my thank yous with that! ;)  
  
Special thanks to Amanda (oh, why thank you!I'm flattered you think that and I hope the rest of the story was/is satisfactory as well!) :), Erica (thanks for that. Glad you like Spike all, you know, Spike with a rather caring Buffy - you know?) ;), qattaca (oh, dear! I hope that I somehow was able to pull you out of that puddle, my friend! I'd hate to see you go down on account of this story! ;) *lol* though. Hehe. Thanks a LOT!) :), Mel (Hey, you! On Where Did the: yeah, the finale thing. I'm all good now. *smiles* Thank you! On Softly We Tread: *grin* Glad ya liked. And well, the sprinkles are on me. We HAVE to have some of those, don't you agree?) ;), Alyssa (why funnier, girl? I've always loved your reviews! I mean, it's totally up to you and if you don't have the time or feel like you have anything important or even unimportant to say or comment about the chapter then I totally respect you wanting to keep it short. But personally I just LOVE to hear what you liked or disliked - all be it there isn't too much of the disliking which makes me real happy! ;) Well, any which way, okay?) :), Willow (okay, hi! I just have to write a long reply to you and I'm sorry it wasn't here sooner but as said: I've been tied up. *not literally* ;) Okay, so, I have to say that when I read your review I went GIRL! Stop predicting where the story's going! Seriously, I would NOT take your idea without giving you kudos, ok? I really don't want you to think that! Your thoughts fit so perfectly it almost scared me and I was like YIKES! But I mean, you can see for yourself that I HAD planned the Scoobie meeting thing 'cause that's from New Moon Rising! I just hope you're not all violated and such and thinking that I'm stealing from you, 'cause I'm really not! Okay? Now, I'm really glad that you like what I'm doing with this and I really hope that will continue! A.M.L.) :), vuks (Okay, I do realize that this IS Buffyverse, and that there IS misunderstandings etc. BUT this is also a different kind of Buffyverse where Buffy not out loud but still IS with Spike in a more affectionate way. It just changes certain aspects of it. However, we'll see where we're headed. Glad you're still enjoying, though.And yes! I am definitely jumping on board! Hoper's club R'Us!) ;), Cate (I bow my head in true appreciation of that comment, as well as gratefulness! Glad you enjoyed!), Captain (Where's your fearless leader at? ;) Hehe, just curious. Anyways, glad as always to see your name up there. You've been sticking with me for a while now and that is always a treat! :) Great that you approve and oh, SO glad I could ease the UPN blow for you, my friend! God knows I was knocked outta my boots!) ;), Juliya (girl, it's alright that you express an oppinion! I can only say that I don't agree with you one bit simply because I KNOW in my very gut that this IS how mushy and loving Spike would be, had Buffy been willing to see that side to him. He's always been the devoted, love-you-with-no-real-conditions type of guy and.well, I think that he really IS that kinda guy. Maybe that's why Joss took the other road. Keeping Spike big and bad for a few more rounds, you know? And, of course, the whole soul-back-getting and the whole saving- the-world deal needed to apply. *grin*) ;), dusty273 (hey, always great to welcome a new reader into the group! Hope you'll stick and I'm really glad that you liked it enough so far to go through all of it! Hope the following chapters were no disappointment!) :), LizDarcy (Oh, girl, if you EVER find a guy like Spike - sucha delicious blend of everything - check to see if he as a brother or a cousin or even an uncle that's anything like him, k? And then give ME his number! Oh, but please have the resemblance relative to relative be about the looks as well! *grin* Glad you liked the chapter!) ;), Leanne (Yikes! And Yikes! again! Wow, that's so incredible to read! And thanks for also taking the time to leave such a wonderful, amazing review! To all the points that were listed and approved ith honour I can only write - THANK YOU! That was really terrific to read! And on the one thing that you disliked. Girl! Check where in the season I'm at right now! In due time, k? ;P But don't worry, I'm glad to hear oppinions of any kind. Tho I AM relieved that I haven't had that many flashings! ;) I WILL try to update more. It's so darn ironic that this last chapter was so LATE! I was so completely set on getting it out for you to read a LOT sooner! Oh, and Stepfather will definitely be on my to-read list. Don't hate me if it might take a while. I have to concentrate on my present stories before I can go out and read any other material! I will try, though! And thanks!) ;), Pine (thanks, my friend! You know it means a lot!) :), charisma1525 (I can't say anything but how happy it really makes me that you keep liking this! Thank you so much, girl!) :), Rachel (I'm happy, happy, happy. ;P Really, I'm glad that you keep enjoying and keep coming back, that means a great deal to me! And hey, fanfiction.net isn't always the easiest site to access - this I know!) :), Heather (I'll bring a brush and blankets, a banjo and a Barney singing "I love you, you love me, we're a happy family" over and over so we won't feel all lonely. Now you pick a letter to bring four things from! *grin* Glad you like!) and Xio (thanks, I sorta really needed to read that - and I totally agree. And also big grin to the narcotic deal. *smiles like mad* And again, sorry that I was so late this last time in my update! I'll be quicker!!!) :) - To all a very special thank you! You know you rock! Thank you SO much!  
  
I will try to get the next chapter out sooner! I personally think that four days is too long for you guys to wait for an update and I hope you believe me when I say that I have tried my best! I'll try harder! ;)  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	37. What If

*********************************TRApPeD**********************************  
  
Thirty-Seven: What If  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-06-06  
  
****************************************************************************  
  
Day Thirty-Three.  
  
12.03 p.m.  
  
"Spike?" Buffy yelled as she stepped through the door of the crypt with a bag containing food from the local DMP and an emptied cup previously containing hot coffee. "You here?" she added, shutting the door and walking into the room, stopping by the armchair and putting the bag down on the TV before getting out of her jacket. "Sp-...?!" she was about to try again, being cut off by the shape of a man stepping out of the shadows to her left.  
  
She jumped. It was too tall to be Spike. Then she relaxed the Slayer part of her as she realized who it was.  
  
"Riley," she breathed, relieved. "You scared me!"  
  
He came into the light, his face a tight mask and she swallowed.  
  
"I'm surprised to see you here..." she said hesitantly, glancing at the bag of food and how home-y it looked, that she had brought it to a place where she a few months ago wouldn't have gone unarmed - chip or no.  
  
"Imagine what I am," he then replied, the hint of bitterness in his voice made her bite her jaws together. "I suppose you find that funny," he then added and she furrowed her brow slightly, about to open her mouth and deny that statement when he continued: "That I actually had this small sliver of hope somewhere that in the end this was all some sick...game your mind was playing on you. That once you had had him, you'd let him go and return to the living. To me." He huffed now and she tried to come up with something to say. "But you're clearly..." he grumbled with a small gesture of one hand to the room in general before he finished: "...making yourself at home."  
  
"Riley," she finally got word over tongue, but he wouldn't have it.  
  
Shaking his head he walked passed her, saying:  
  
"I want to let you know that the Initiative has their hands full, the demons seem to be stirring and everything points to Adam... If you have a break in the search for him, we'd appreciate it if you let us know."  
  
"You came HERE looking for me?" she asked, surprised.  
  
"No," he replied, barely looking at her and something twitched in her heart as she watched the distance he was creating between them. "I had something to discuss with H17..."  
  
"Please, don't call him..."  
  
"...but since it's not here, I'll have to see if I can find it somewhere else. If you see it, tell it that I'm looking and it's only a matter of time."  
  
"Riley..."  
  
"I have to go."  
  
And he left.  
  
She didn't know what to feel. What to think. And what was it that Riley wanted to talk with Spike about? What could they possibly have to discuss? She felt a worry start somewhere in her stomach region and she couldn't make it out. Initiative business seemed the most logical reason for Riley to be looking for the vampire... But, what could that be then? To simply capture him again? That seemed too petty, and why would Riley tell HER?  
  
"Hey," Spike's voice said as he stuck his head up through the trapdoor in the floor by the wall to her left, which was facing the wall of the door. "What're you doing here?" he added as he climbed up to face her.  
  
She didn't move, merely watched him in silence and he knew the look on her. That Slayer bit of her brain was working feverishly, and since her gaze was locked in his he had good cause to believe that it was doing the overtime on account of him. What had that wanker of a soldier boy said to her that had her all like this? He could smell Riley, and the scent had him shivering with annoyance. Now he sighed.  
  
"What is it, love?" he wondered and she smiled a little.  
  
"Nothing," she then shrugged, slipping out of the place where she seemingly had gone and reaching back to grab the bag from on top of the TV. "Wanted to have lunch with you," she then added and he smiled tentatively back at that.  
  
"Didn't think you appreciated my table manners," he then pointed out and she smirked.  
  
"You have no table," she then shot. "Which means we'll have to do it in bed and seriously, you know how I simply LOVE your 'bedside' manners."  
  
Now he chuckled.  
  
"I've missed you," he murmured, coming up to her and sliding his arms around her.  
  
"I've been gone for two hours," she remarked and he made a face of discomfort.  
  
"Please," he then whispered, bending forward and kissing her gently. "No reminders."  
  
She smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck and returning his kisses.  
  
***  
  
10.34 p.m.  
  
Spike ducked and swung one leg out, hitting the vampire he was fighting in the chest and sending it flying. Buffy was there right away and sunk her stake into its heart before she swirled around and met the punch of the second vamp, attacking her from behind, with one arm. She ducked and then delivered an upper-cut to the vampire's chin, having it stumble backwards and right into Spike's awaiting arms. He held it and Buffy did away with it by once again using the tip of her trusted companion.  
  
She shuddered as she brushed at the ashes decorating her jacket in fine layers.  
  
"I wish someone could invent dust-resistant Slayer wear," she muttered and he smirked as they began to walk.  
  
"Downsides to the job?" he wondered and she smiled as well, then sighed.  
  
"Well, it's not that much fun having to take a shower post every time you step outside the door, is it?" she asked and his smirk widened as he observed her. She looked back, slowly growing self-conscious before she looked away. "What?" she asked.  
  
"Huh?" he asked back and she raised her eyebrows.  
  
"What's with the staring match?" she inquired and now he smiled warmly.  
  
"You're not even gonna attempt a bloody guess?" he wondered teasingly, reaching out a hand and taking hers before pulling her close.  
  
She took a breath of his scent, smiling as well, and then she remembered where they were and she pulled away from him, drew her arm back and punched him hard in the nose.  
  
He gave a yell of pain and surprise, his hands going to the body part and his eyes widening with questions.  
  
"What the bleeding...?"  
  
"Don't touch me," she hissed, the anger in her gaze making him take a step back, letting his arms slowly fall to place themselves at his sides. "The next time you touch me I'll rip your hand from your wrist, get me - chippie?" she then added and something close to irritation was seeping into his eyes.  
  
"I've told you not to call me that," he said, voice lowered.  
  
"Oh," she taunted. "What the hell are YOU gonna do about it? ...Chippie."  
  
Turning from him she began to walk again and he grumbled before he followed, observing her back and backside, rather certain she knew exactly where he rested his eyes and he couldn't help but smirk. Stripping it off he quickly found ways back to the annoyance and caught up with her as she turned into the cemetery hosting his home. He grabbed her shoulder and swirled her back to face him.  
  
"I'd say that you'd do best at keeping one sodding eye open," he stated and she looked up at him, glancing at the hand holding her and then crossing her arms over her chest as she directed her gaze into his again. One of her eyebrows was rising and he remembered how frustrated she used to get him when nothing he did seemed to get to her even the slightest. "In fact, you'd do best at growing two of them in your bloody neck!" he then added.  
  
She smiled sweetly, reaching back her free arm and pulling her hand through her long, blonde locks meaningfully before she said:  
  
"Unless I was planning on cutting my hair really short it wouldn't do me any good would it? Bad advice, oh-impotent-one, but then again," she paused as she slid her gaze down his form with a rather evil smile taking the place of the sweet one before she finished: "I didn't exactly expect more from you."  
  
She was turning him on and he tried to ignore it as her eyes rested in his again. He had almost forgotten how good they were at this. At trampling like the cat about to strike the cornered mouse, and prolonging the suffering... Who was the cat, who was the mouse? Neither one of them really knew. It seemed this role-play was the only one that didn't have the actors in consistent parts.  
  
He let her arm go almost gently and the small shift in her gaze made him understand that she wanted him too. He tilted his head slightly to one side, not about to be the first to give in.  
  
"And had my advice been good - would your highness have taken it?" he wondered and she smirked.  
  
"I would say 'touché'," she replied, "but that would imply that this is actually a fight. And I don't fight verbally with anyone."  
  
"Right," he nodded, reaching out his left hand and sliding it from the base of her throat and further down as he added: "but you sure do know how to use that tongue of yours."  
  
She didn't hesitate. She kicked him in the side and sent him down on his knees. Squatting down she moved quicker than light as she reached out and grabbed his right wrist, wringing it up in a rather painful angle and grabbing his hand with her free one.  
  
When he looked up at her his eyes were glistening with danger and the adrenaline went wild inside of her. She licked her lips.  
  
"I warned you," she murmured, her gaze on his mouth. "I said I'd break it off..."  
  
"Do it," he pushed. "Do it... Slayer. Come on. Finish it."  
  
Her heart was pounding in her chest and her concentration was wavering as the need to feel that hand on her breast dimmed her sight for a moment. Before she could react he had torn free and the hand she had threatened to render useless was the one that grabbed her by the throat and pulled her to her feet. He pinned her to the large headstone behind her and then stepped forward, pressing himself against her and she could feel how hard he was, making her juices flow over as she struggled to get loose.  
  
"Get off me," she said, voice strained and he smiled devilishly.  
  
"Come now, love," he murmured, and the small implication behind those words made her ache in a way that near enough drove her to the edge of what was sane.  
  
He brought one hand between her legs and she swallowed hard right before he pressed upward. A silent whine escaped her and she closed her eyes. Then she found some source of strength, got her hands up and against his shoulders, and managed to give him a hard shove. He nearly lost his balance, but regained it as he had backed a few feet away from her.  
  
"Little girl's stronger than she looks," he chuckled, shaking his head. "Seems she wanna play with the big boys."  
  
She cocked an eyebrow, the arrogance on him making her feel a bubbling anger as well as a rising heat. She didn't think anyone had ever looked as cool and controlled as he did in that moment. His duster slick in the light of the slim moon, his eyes glittering with tease and menace - with thirst for a fight and with hungered lust. She wanted him between her thighs, beaten to the ground and with no chance for retreat. And she wanted him there, naked and panting... moaning with the pleasure she granted him. The combined wanting was making her breathe hard, glaring at him with a challenge to do his best.  
  
Everything seemed to grow still and quiet. Waiting.  
  
The two warriors observed each other. Estimated the other. Appraised what they already knew so well, and labelled it. Strength. Speed. Reflexes. Body. Heart. Soul...  
  
They moved at the exact same time. Buffy moved her right hand forward, clenched into a fist, and Spike met it with his left hand - taking a tight hold on it and their chests met as their eyes didn't leave the others.  
  
"I'm not gonna fight you," she murmured, sliding her free hand inside his duster and he bit his jaws together.  
  
He pushed her away from him, making her stumble backwards and then she ducked to avoid the leg he kicked out. She delivered a few rather bad blows as well, and they quickly made their way up to his residence. She grabbed him by the shirt and made him walk backwards; once they were by the door she pushed him hard and it flew open, giving way for the both of them.  
  
It had barely been shut again before she was on him. Jumping up and wrapping her legs around his waist she kissed him deeply and he pressed her up against the wall as his hands slid to the button of her pants. She was making small sounds and when his fingers began to work her clit her groans grew loud, her mouth left his as she threw her head back and she ground her hips against his hand as both of her own slid into his hair.  
  
The orgasm was powerful and every limb of her body was shaking as it coursed through her. He didn't stop. His fingers were deep inside of her and she felt the build up start immediately. She was taking hard huffs of air, her soft moans pushing him on.  
  
The second orgasm lasted for nearly two minutes and had her biting her lower lip so hard that she almost drew blood. Once he removed his hand she slid down to stand on her feet and had to wrap her arms around his shoulders in order to keep from falling to the floor. Her legs wouldn't work with her.  
  
"You okay?" he whispered and she looked up at him with a dazed expression before she moved her head up to kiss him deeply.  
  
"Your turn," she then whispered as well, bringing trembling fingers to the buckle of his belt.  
  
***  
  
Day Thirty-Four.  
  
1.02 a.m.  
  
"We can't be seen together like... this," she mumbled and he murmured his agreement sleepily. "I mean, outside these walls... we can't be too friendly. If Adam really is playing all Demon Trooper Leader here, we have to be careful. We don't know how he thinks, but... he has to be smart. We can't let him suspect anything is out of the ordinary. Then he might not..."  
  
She trailed off and Spike stirred slightly, making her turn her head to look up at him. He met her gaze with eyes bearing a sad trace which made her heart softly ache. He was still unsure of what he was to her. So was she.  
  
"Then he might not try to make contact," he murmured, filling in her interrupted sentence and she nodded slowly. "Don't worry, pet," he mumbled, closing his eyes again though she still watched his relaxing features. "The good guys always win these things. Your plan'll work like a charm."  
  
She wanted to let one hand's fingertips caress his lower lip, she wanted to let them set their marks of feather light touch up his cheek. She wanted to tell him that no matter what - she didn't want to lose him... Not now.  
  
But she held all of it back and put her head down on his chest again. Closing her eyes as well and gently drifting into dreamless sleep.  
  
***  
  
8.14 a.m.  
  
Buffy swallowed another piece of her toast as Spike came from the trapdoor to join her in the crypt. She didn't look at him, merely pointed to the TV- screen and said:  
  
"Soap's ahoy!"  
  
He gave her a playful smack on the back of her head and she grinned, then he walked into the kitchen to grab himself some breakfast as well. She munched her toast gingerly and swallowed a mouthful of orange juice, not taking her eyes off the screen showing the cast of Passions, all in the middle of a loud argument having erupted between two of the members. A young girl and an older gentleman who kept running his hands through his grey streaked hair, in frustration or annoyance or anger or... Well, frankly it was hard to tell.  
  
"So, I heard some news regarding..." Spike began and she raised one hand before flailing it as a gesture for him to be quiet.  
  
He looked at her so transfixed by the screen and then he heard the signal of the show coming to a close.  
  
"Oh, no! I wanted to know who the father of Destiny's bastard child is!" Buffy exclaimed and he could hear the mock-distress in her voice as she rose dramatically from the armchair before turning to him. "I feel ill," she added with the back of her hand to her forehead and a fatigued expression on her face.  
  
"Shut the hell up," he muttered, still smirking.  
  
"So, what did you hear?" she asked, coming up to him and watching him tear the top edge of the bag filled with heated blood and then pour the thick liquid into a clean mug.  
  
"Pretty bad demon attack last night," he replied, facing her as he sipped the blood. "A buncha Initiatives got hurt," he added and the flash of concern travelling over her face made him more annoyed than he would have thought it could. "Don't worry, loverboy's quite safe," he muttered sourly before walking passed her and into the room.  
  
Buffy furrowed her brow, turning to him and watching him as he once again faced her. He cocked an eyebrow at the questioning look on her face and she crossed her arms over her chest.  
  
"Loverboy?" she asked. "I hope you put a very large X in front of that word," she added and he slurped his blood without answering. She began to grow irritated. "Are you ALWAYS this insecure?" she demanded and at that he swallowed hard, giving her a glare as he put the mug down by the TV.  
  
"I SAW how you reacted," he shot and she gave him a look before inquiring:  
  
"And how was that - exactly?"  
  
"Exactly?"  
  
"Yes, please."  
  
"Worried," he stated. "Scared that something had happened your precious little 'ex'."  
  
She shook her head practically unnoticeably before she took a step forward.  
  
"Riley is someone who's been a part of my life. I don't want anything bad to happen to him. I still care for him, Spike. Of course I was worried and scared, but that's all there was."  
  
"Don't bloody call me insecure," he grumbled, barely looking at her now and she took the few paces up to him before she made him meet her gaze again.  
  
"I think I understand," she merely replied.  
  
He looked at her for a few seconds, then turned from her.  
  
"You have to go," he said and she frowned. "School," he added, turning to look at her over his shoulder and she smiled tryingly.  
  
He returned it, all be it meekly, and she left with a small lump in her stomach that wouldn't go away. She hadn't seen this side of him before... What were they really trying to build here? Did they even have the foundation for it? Did she trust him...? Did he trust her? Then again, what would she think if Drusilla decided to reappear? Spike had been with that crazed demon for one hundred years and beyond... If that wasn't love...?  
  
God, what if I'm just his rebound object? she thought with her heart suddenly in her throat. No. No, Harmony was that...  
  
She had to smile at the thought of Spike with that brainless twerp. He may have had a few really lousy plans of his own in his day, but he was smart. He was streetwise. And he used that to the max. Harmony... What had he been doing with her, anyway? What could the reason possibly have been for him to...  
  
Insight hit her the next second and she shook her head at herself and her own naïveté. Of course the only reason for Spike to have a woman, he most likely couldn't stand, around him would be for the simple reason of having a woman around him. And in his bed. Of course.  
  
Now the Slayer came to a harsh stop.  
  
He most likely sweet talked that poor girl in between his sheets until she was so hooked that she couldn't bring herself to leave him. He manipulated her to stay with him and took advantage of the situation in every possible way that he could. And he could surely not have enjoyed Harmony's company or conversation...  
  
"But WE talk," she said out loud to herself. "We even laugh..."  
  
You're NOT Harmony, she stated firmly in her head. And you're not some cheap replica of Drusilla, either. Remember he told you he loves you? Remember how you found yourself compelled to believe him? Buffy, whatever it is that's there between you - don't run from it...  
  
She drew a small breath.  
  
What if there's nothing there? What if I'm really being played by him? What if he is just that good an actor? What if it's all been a mind game right from the start? What if he planned it this way? What if he has finally succeeded with one of those schemes that I've so easily seen through before? God, what if it's all been a lie?!  
  
"Buffy..."  
  
She twirled around, meeting Riley's gaze with one rather startled of her own.  
  
"Hey," she then greeted, trying to keep the 'busted!' posture away from her as she knew full-well that he couldn't read her thoughts. "Hi," she added and he raised his eyebrows.  
  
"Headed for campus?" he asked and she nodded. "Can I join you?" he wondered and once again she gave a small nod before they began to walk.  
  
They were silent for a while and then Riley took it upon himself to speak as he said:  
  
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have lost my temper yesterday. I'm not angry... I'm just... confused."  
  
"And let's not leave out disgusted, grossed out and abhorred," she grumbled.  
  
He smiled a little.  
  
"Let's not," he agreed silently. "Look, I wanted to see if I could find you 'cause we're going on a demon hunt and I wanted to know if you'd like to join."  
  
She stopped, and turned to him with a questioning wrinkle between her eyebrows.  
  
"This got anything to do with the team that got hit last night?" she asked and he gave her a wondering look. "Word... gets around," she explained.  
  
"This has everything to do with the team that got hit last night," he stated. "We lost Willis. And we nearly lost Graham, too," he added and she blinked.  
  
"Wow... I'm... I'm sorry to hear that," she said and he nodded.  
  
"So? You game? We could really use your help."  
  
"What kinda demon is it?" she wondered and he frowned.  
  
"Does it matter?" he asked back and it was her turn to look questioning. "Look, we'll gag it and bag it - like all the rest. And then all I can do is hope they'll let me have a private moment with it."  
  
"They're all the same to you, aren't they?" she asked and he raised his eyebrows. "Demons... They're all folded into one single category - bad."  
  
Now he stared at her.  
  
"What are you trying to say with that? 'Please - stop tracking my boyfriend'?" he snapped and she shook her head at him.  
  
"That's not even..." she began, thinking better of it and taking another bend in the road with: "All I'm saying is that there are different degrees of..."  
  
"Evil?" he filled in, sceptically, and she sighed.  
  
"It's just different with... different demons. There are creatures - vampires, for example - that aren't evil at all," she replied and he rolled his eyes at her.  
  
"Oh, come on!" he then exclaimed. "How blinded are you by this un-dead, not- living fiend anyway?! Don't you see what he's doing? Once he's gathered all the info on you that he needs to destroy you he'll kill you!"  
  
"I wasn't referring to HIM," she stated coolly. " And he can't kill me, remember? You saw to that."  
  
"And I think we haven't been thanked properly," Riley remarked.  
  
"Thank you," she replied, her expression tight.  
  
"You can't be serious with him, Buffy. He can't give you a life," Riley murmured. "All he can ever do is bring you death. In the end he'll make you miserable."  
  
"But right now he makes me happy," she said with her eyes suddenly glistening with angered tears. "And I don't need you, or anybody else, judging that."  
  
"Oh, and you're not judging yourself?" he inquired. "Have you told everybody about you? Giles, Xander, Willow? No, I bet you haven't. Because they couldn't possibly deal. Happy, Buffy? I don't think so. I don't believe that. I don't think that thing could spread anything but pain. And I can promise you that he WILL hurt you. I think deep down you know that too. Somehow he's made you refuse to see it..."  
  
"You don't know anything at all," she grumbled, blinking the tears away with effort.  
  
"Really? And without the chip in the back of his skull... would you be able to relax in his presence? It was only a month or so ago that he wanted nothing but your head on his wall. You think he's just snapped out of that? He's not a different degree of evil, Buffy - he's just the plain old kind. And he won't ever change. Not even for you."  
  
With that he turned and left swiftly. She watched him go and then slowly got herself moving as well.  
  
His words had dug into her already messed up thoughts and now they were settled there, rendering her powerless in her attempts to release herself of them. What if...? What if he was right? What if her own fears were true...? What if. What if. What if.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
I can't believe how late this chapter is. I have been locked up tight in personal matters this week and haven't gotten a chance to do two things which I promised you wonderful people:  
  
the first being my replies for the chapter prior to the one I posted last Monday being posted at the latest on the Wednesday night. I had no chance to get to a computer (something which I thought wouldn't be a problem) and so I will have to make good on that promise tomorrow.  
  
The second being the fact that I was going to be a lot quicker with my updates. Life got in the way, I can't find a better or more worthy explanation than that, and I hope you will have patience with me. To make amends I wrote a longer chapter this time. The next chapter WILL be up tomorrow or at the latest on Tuesday. (And please, don't roll your eyes!) ;)  
  
Very warm thankyous to Rachel, Cate, LizDarcy, thechosen, qattaca, tricia, Von, charisma, Heather, Mel, Pine, Leanne, Faith, vuks and Hayama - thank you all so VERY much and I'm so happy that you like and want more and I SWEAR to you (because I personally really do feel a WEEK is just perpostrous for you to have to wait) that the next update WILL be faster than fast! Personals will be up tomorrow, along with the ones for Softly We Tread. Thank you and I bid you a GOOD night!  
  
All My Love, Annie. 


	38. The Best of Intentions

*********************************TRApPeD************************************  
  
Thirty-Eight: The Best of Intentions  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-06-08  
  
**************************************************************************** *  
  
Day Thirty-Four.  
  
8.59 a.m.  
  
Willow looked up from where she was seated on her bed the next morning when Buffy opened, stepped through and then closed the door of the dorm room. The former was squeezing one of her favorite stuffed animals, a big white dog, and she looked rather thoughtful.  
  
"Hey," Buffy said as she closed the door and then approached the foot of the bed.  
  
"Hey," Willow replied. "You okay?" she added at the exasperated expression on her friend's face.  
  
"Yeah," the latter answered, "just..." Trailing off she smiled dismissively before adding: "I don't wanna talk about it... I wanna hear about you and Oz," she continued, putting her bag down on the wooden chest to her left and then removing her jacket as she finished: "You saw him, right?"  
  
Willow nodded a little.  
  
"I was with him all night," she then replied and Buffy's eyes grew slightly.  
  
"All night?!" she repeated, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "Oh, my God! ...Wait... Last night was a wolf moon, right?"  
  
"Yep," Willow confirmed.  
  
"Either you're about to tell me something incredibly kinky or..." Buffy began, but Willow interrupted with a small smile.  
  
"No kink," she said, pausing for a few seconds before she continued: "He didn't change, Buffy. He said he was gonna find a cure and he did. In... Tibet."  
  
"Oh my God!" Buffy once more exclaimed. "I can't believe it! Okay... I'm all with the woo-hoo here, and... you're not," she added, rather wondering, and Willow raised her eyebrows slightly.  
  
"No, there's woo! And hoo," she then assured. "But there's oh-oh, and why now...? And... it's complicated."  
  
Buffy looked at her.  
  
"Why complicated?" she asked, perplexed.  
  
Willow drew a breath, then sighed.  
  
"It's complicated," she answered, "because of Tara."  
  
"You mean Tara has a crush on Oz?!" Buffy wondered, surprised and disbelieving. Then she shook her head a little, adding: "No, you..." Trailing off her eyes widened and she straightened her posture slightly. "Oh!" she said as she came to understand toward where Willow was going. "Oh," she then repeated and got to her feet. "Well, that's great!" she stated, beginning to as casually as possible move about the room though she felt as though her head was about to explode with questions. To keep it from actually doing so she hurried herself into speaking mode, saying: "You know... I mean, I think Tara is a great girl, Will."  
  
"She is!" Willow nodded. "And there's something between us. It wasn't something I was looking for... It's just powerful. And it's totally different from what Oz and I have."  
  
"Well, there you go, I mean... you know, you have to follow your heart, Will," Buffy now stated. "I mean, that's what's important, Will."  
  
"Why do you keep saying my name like that?" Willow asked, furrowing her brow.  
  
"Like what, Will?" Buffy asked back, stopping on the other side of the bed and looking down at her friend who now slowly sat herself up and leaned a little forward before she inquired:  
  
"Are you freaked?"  
  
"What?!" Buffy exclaimed. "No, Will..." She interrupted herself, frowning a little at herself before directing her gaze firmly in Willow's as she continued: "No. Absolutely 'no' to that question." Sitting down before the redhead again she added: "I'm glad you told me... I just can't help but wonder why you didn't...?"  
  
As Buffy trailed off Willow's eyes lit up with realization before she filled in:  
  
"Why I didn't tell you when you told me about Spike?"  
  
"Yeah..." Buffy admitted. "I mean, wouldn't it have been the great opportunity? The window you'd been looking for? Bonding time. I spill my secrets, you spill yours?"  
  
Willow eyed her for a few seconds before she replied:  
  
"Lotta spilling, though."  
  
"Yeah," Buffy agreed, adopting the formers fake-serenity.  
  
"Mopping it up wouldn't have been all that fun," Willow then pointed out and Buffy nodded.  
  
"True."  
  
At that Willow smiled and Buffy returned it. Then they both let the actual seriousness of the conversation take hold again and Willow said:  
  
"I just didn't wanna... you know. I didn't have that overwhelming 'pow' feeling that I should tell you that I'm kinda... with a girl."  
  
Buffy smiled a crooked smile.  
  
"How do we get ourselves into these messes? Well, not that your relationship is abnormal - like mine! But just, perhaps, not as we would have seen ourselves two or so years ago?"  
  
Willow smirked at that.  
  
"We live in Sunnydale; the future is unpredictable; you don't choose who you love..." she then replied before encouraging: "Take your pick."  
  
"I think I need a few more options," Buffy sighed and Willow shook her head.  
  
"Sorry. It's a mark A, B or C with an X sort of deal."  
  
Buffy smiled slightly, then reached out and took one of Willow's hands in her own.  
  
"I'm really glad that you told me," she said again and Willow returned her smile.  
  
"Me too."  
  
Buffy paused, then asked:  
  
"What did you say to Oz?"  
  
"I was gonna tell him..." Willow answered. "But then we just started to hang out and I could feel everything coming back... He's Oz, you know?"  
  
"Yeah," Buffy agreed. "I know."  
  
Willow's expression became rather filled with sadness, streaked with something close to agony. Her hand squeezed the Slayer's tighter as she said:  
  
"I don't wanna hurt anyone, Buffy."  
  
"No matter what," Buffy replied, as soothingly as she could: "somebody's gonna get hurt. And the important thing is: you just have to be honest, or it's gonna be a lot worse..."  
  
Willow nodded and then they embraced in a tight hug.  
  
***  
  
11.06 a.m.  
  
It was natural for her to care about that wishy-washy, bleak and weak excuse for a man. She had, after all, for a brief time allowed herself to feel something for him.  
  
Spike turned onto his back on the sarcophagus, sighing.  
  
What if she still felt it? Something like that didn't just go away. He didn't trust that wanker either. If he could, the bleached was rather certain, the human would try to win her back.  
  
And Spike wasn't sure what she felt for HIM. It wasn't like she had declared them a couple... Or that they were even dating, sort of. All they did was shag, wasn't it? And talk about this and that... sometimes. It wasn't like they were trading life... or un-life stories. Like they knew the other inside and out. It wasn't like she was professing their whatever relationship to the world, or at least HER world... was it?  
  
It's barely been a week, something grumbled in the back of his mind, irritated. A week! And you're already growing paranoid. You ARE insecure. You're so sodding insecure you'd rather have it end on a high note than stick with it. If you leave her...  
  
He shook his head.  
  
She'll leave me...  
  
Stop this! It's bloody madness!  
  
Right. That's right. Thinking that I can provide anything good for her IS downright madness. I'm buggered, I love her, and I can't stop. But I can do the right thing and...  
  
And what?! You're not reasoning with yourself here, you're trying to persuade yourself to do something that every fiber in you screams no to. You're bloody insane!  
  
Exactly. Bloody insane to think that I can prove myself to her. Ever. How could she ever love me back? It's painful to be without her, but being with her without having her completely there is torture!  
  
Imagine her here.  
  
Soft smile, gentle gaze, blonde hair, curves and tanned skin... An image of all that was worth anything. He could imagine her there...  
  
Now watch her be pushed away by YOU, you bleeding fool. Are you gonna let her go? You'll miss her so much it'll be the second and very real death of you. You've gone over this already, remember?  
  
Yes, I remember perfectly well, bloody hell! And I'll go over it a thousand sodding times till I get it right!  
  
What's right is you with her. She's changed you.  
  
No, she hasn't.  
  
Yeah, she has.  
  
No! I don't NEED her! I won't crumple up and disappear if I don't have her with me! She won't ever trust me enough for this to be real! The only reason she's with me now is 'cause I'm leashed!  
  
He clenched his jaws together as he reminded himself of the damn chip infesting his being.  
  
Would she really be all relaxed around him if he was a true threat again?  
  
The noise of slow and extremely thumping steps across the floor to his left made him glide out of his musings and have his vampire senses all be set on immediate alert. Meeting the hand being brought down to strike by the perpetrator, with his own left hand, he kept his eyes closed as he said:  
  
"By the sound of those massive mud-flaps I'd peg you as a demon; which means you're in for a world of..." Opening his eyes and seeing the immense form standing by the side of where he lay he trailed off, stared, and then sat up; finishing: "...pain."  
  
Getting the blanket off of him before removing himself off the sarcophagus he then moved to stand a few feet away from the demon.  
  
Adam.  
  
It had to be.  
  
As Spike rose Adam spoke.  
  
"Spike," he said, voice dark. "I want you to come with me."  
  
Spike eyed him suspiciously as well as hesitantly. He had seen with his own two blues what this guy did to the demons he encountered. Cutting them open like a fish on a stick. That really wasn't the sorta contact he was looking to make, nor did he believe that was what Buffy had intended for him.  
  
Okay, he told himself. Stay sharp. Try his strength.  
  
"Do you?" he therefore asked. "Well, let's go then," he added with a shrug, about to turn away when he swirled back and punched the beast in the stomach.  
  
His knuckles connected with soft tissue and then something he could only class as metal beneath it. It hurt like hell. Adam didn't even flinch.  
  
"Ao," Spike grumbled, facing the other once more.  
  
"Come," Adam now said, taking a step forward and having Spike, in self- preservation, take one back; still eyeing the former, now with a hint of fearful edginess. "You are going to help me with my problem," Adam added and Spike blinked.  
  
"Why's that exactly?" he then asked.  
  
"I'm going to help you with yours," Adam replied.  
  
Ten minutes later the master plan had been unfolded. Spike had to hand it to the scraps-of-humans-and-not-so-muchs: the Initiative had made sure to give him a pretty bloody big brain. He also had to admit that he wasn't sure that he disliked the proposition the other had just placed on the table.  
  
"Well, that sounds like a lotta fun," he now smirked.  
  
"You see my problem, though?" Adam inquired. "Total destruction of the humans doesn't help me. I need heavy casualties on both sides."  
  
"I get that," Spike nodded. "I'm still not sure where the Slayer fits in."  
  
"The humans need a leader," Adam answered him. "A champion. The Slayer can do that."  
  
"Yeah," Spike said slowly. "The thing about the Slayer is: she is a whiny little thing, but when it comes to the fighting she does have a slight tendency to win."  
  
Adam looked at him, stating:  
  
"Then I guess you should be on her side."  
  
Spike let a tentative smile grow onto his features, laced with an irony he was sure the other demon couldn't read before he replied:  
  
"This all goes down, the chip comes out, yeah? No tricks?"  
  
"Scouts honour," Adam assured and Spike gave him an incredulous look at that.  
  
"YOU were a boy scout?" he then asked.  
  
"Parts of me," came the reply.  
  
***  
  
1.22 p.m.  
  
Buffy pulled on a clean sweater and grabbed her brush off the desk by the door. Standing in front of her mirror she quickly began to sort out her tangled locks and got to thinking of five particular days when she hadn't had access to such a device. When her hair had been dusty and completely messed up until... Until a spray of water cleaned it... and caused all hell to break loose.  
  
What AM I doing with him? What future do we have?  
  
She put the brush down just as the door opened and a leather clad form stepped through it.  
  
"Spike," she couldn't help but smile as his eyes met hers.  
  
Toning it down she then turned and walked up to her bed, where she was packing a bag with the most necessary stuff for what she might be on the brink of doing.  
  
She had met Willow in one of the corridors, the latter upset and anxious, explaining what had happened to Oz. The Initiative had him, and Buffy knew that she HAD to get him out of there. Otherwise something terrible was bound to happen to him. Those 'soldier boys' sure didn't seem to care what origin a demon had - as long as some part WAS demon it deserved a slow and painful death.  
  
She wasn't about to let that happen.  
  
"Going into battle?" he asked as he watched her pack her crossbow and then a few stakes.  
  
"Just might be," she nodded, facing him again. "It's daylight..." she added and he smirked.  
  
"Took the tunnels," he replied.  
  
She glanced at him. He knew what was on her mind.  
  
"We okay?" she asked and he smiled a small smile at that, reassuring her that of course, that his display of jealousy earlier hadn't lasted.  
  
"What? No kiss?" he then asked and she felt a butterfly flutter eagerly near her heart before she took the steps up to him and wrapped her arms around his neck.  
  
He blinked, rather surprised. She held onto him so tightly...  
  
"Is something the matter, pet?" he wondered and she shook her head against his shoulder.  
  
"Well, in a way," she then corrected herself, pulling away to look up at him. "Oz has been captured."  
  
Spike frowned.  
  
"Captured? Last night?" he asked and she shook her head.  
  
"Around noon... I think," she answered and his frown deepened.  
  
"But... it's day."  
  
"As said. Something happened... I don't know," she sighed. "I have to go to Giles'. The gang's meeting up there."  
  
She stepped out of his arms and walked back to the bed, returning to what she had been doing. He observed her movements for a few moments, then said:  
  
"I'm actually here on official business."  
  
She turned her head to look at him, quizzical. He smiled a little at her expression, hooking his thumbs in his belt before elaborating:  
  
"Had me a meeting this morning. Mighty interesting fellow too. I think he's been the sodding soar of milady's eye for some time. You can say his name anytime now..."  
  
"Adam?" she breathed and he nodded. "You saw him?!"  
  
"Yeah... the 'had me a meeting' wasn't all part of the hinting for nothing, love," he replied sarcastically and she gave him a look.  
  
"What did he say?" she asked and he shrugged.  
  
"Master plan blah-blah-blah, demon elite blah-blah-blah, carnage and bloodbath blah...blah...and all that," he replied and she stared at him.  
  
"So... he told you about what he's planning?" she asked and he nodded.  
  
"The whole nine yards. Give me a pen and paper and I'll paint you a pretty picture of it," he then said and she smirked.  
  
"This is..." she trailed off, at a loss for words.  
  
"Terrific? Amazing? Bleeding incredible is what it is," he filled in helpfully. "Don't worry, hon, I've got it all locked away up here," he added, tapping one temple with one index finger before continuing: "and once the whole Wolverine issue's buggering dealt with - I'll bring all the juicy details out for you, okay?"  
  
She smiled a little, then nodded.  
  
"You're right, I should get going."  
  
He tilted his head a little to one side, looking questioning. She blinked, then shook her head at herself.  
  
"Sorry, WE should get going," she then stated, grabbing the bag and slinging it over one shoulder before she walked up to him and passed him, grabbing the doorknob and opening the door.  
  
He followed.  
  
"So, where are the tunnels?" she asked and he gave her another look. "Well, I'm not gonna sprint all the way to Giles' just 'cause you burn easily," she added and he smirked widely at that before gesturing to his right, bidding her to take the lead.  
  
She did and they walked toward the stairs leading into the basement.  
  
"Oh no," she grumbled as they stopped before the door to the staircase. "This usually doesn't get me anywhere," she muttered and he slid his hand into hers, making her look up at him and at the expression in his gaze she had to smile. "I take back previous statement," she murmured and he returned her smile before he bent down and kissed her.  
  
They proceeded through the door, down the stairs and further into the large basement. Soon enough they came to a man-sized whole in one wall and Spike stopped before it.  
  
"So, what was the deal?" Buffy asked as she followed him into the tunnel which was to take them into the sewer system and further to Giles' apartment.  
  
"Deal?" Spike wondered, walking quickly with her keeping his pace beside him.  
  
"With Adam," she replied. "Why did he seek you out?"  
  
"He needs my help," Spike answered with a rather large smirk once again growing onto his features as he added: "With you."  
  
She looked up at him; then laughed, shaking her head.  
  
"Perfect," she said. "That's just perfect. We'll have to set our own trap and watch him fall into it," she added and Spike nodded.  
  
They walked on for a while in silence, and then Buffy wondered:  
  
"What did he promise you? I mean, there must be something in it for you, right?"  
  
"Money," he replied, barely without thinking about it. "He'll get me loads and loads of cash."  
  
What are you doing?! a voice piped up in his head. You can't LIE to her about that! Tell her! Tell her the truth! Hurry!  
  
"Seems he knows your deepest desires," Buffy remarked with another smile and he once again returned it.  
  
"Yep," he then agreed. "Seems he really does, doesn't it?"  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
This chapter has contained explicit dialogue as spoken in the episode New Moon Rising, BtVS, S4. All rights to writer Marti Noxon.  
  
The cosmic joke's on me. I couldn't post this Tuesday, the site was "experiencing overload". I couldn't post this Wednesday, Thursday, Friday OR Saturday 'cause the Document Manager feature wasn't working! I couldn't upload the chapter at ALL onto the site. I'm incredibly pleased to see that (on my trial upload this time) it worked! You guys are so great, I thank you a lot for your understanding on the last chapter's tardiness. I hope you will grant me that courtesy on this one as well, seeing as this time it was completely out of MY hands! Grr. Phew. Hope I don't EVER have to go through that again! (ff.net management: *hinthint!*) ;)  
  
Special thank yous to Pin (hehe, thanks for the Riley comment. *grin*) ;), qattaca (*lol* and happy you liked, girl!) :), Von (*smiles widely* I can only say that I'm happy to be able to produce that kind of... you know, loathed image for you. 'Cause we should never forget how much we really detested the Riley character! ;) Glad you liked the Spuffy!) :), Mel (hey, girl. Thanks for all the nice comments here! I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter!) :), charisma ("Riley's dumb" - doesn't that sum him up wonderfully? 'Cause in every way he just IS! :D Happy you liked!) :), Rachel (Thanks a lot for those compliments, really happy you think so! And on the chapter part... It's hard to say how many's left, but it shouldn't be more than ten... Again, it could be less, or more. We'll see. Very nice to hear you'd like it to go on though, thanks!) :), vuks (wow, lotta great comments form you, my friend. Every single one makes me really happy! :) Thanks a lot for your positivity, it's really wonderful! *hug*) :), Charlie (I was WORRIED about you! Where've you been?! Happy to hear from you, tho. Glad all is well. And thanks for the review! Happy you're still approving!) :), LizDarcy (That was a really great anecdote, girl. I'm so glad that I could bring a fond memory forth! Thanks for sharing! Glad you liked the chap and I'm sorry Oz didn't figure more in it. This story has sorta been focused on Buffy and Spike from the start, tho. Right? I luv Oz too, but... Well, hope you understand!) :), Pine (For some reason everybody wants that poor soldier dead. That reason simply...eludes me. *snicker* Thanks a lot, girl, for all the support!) :), Leanne (Real happy you're still enjoying! And thanks for that bit of encouragement on the late updates front! I just hate being too late, you know? Anyways, thanks.) :), Maribel (great that you think! I hope you still do!) ;) and Erica (why, thank you! I have to say I really AM so glad that you're sticking with it. Shows that you truly mean what you write, you know? Happy you liked the chapter!) ;) - ALL the support and all the tremendous encouragement you send my way really does mean a lot! Thank you all!!!  
  
I would like to, for the second and last time, ask those of you who may not have or who didn't know to PrettyP-L-E-A-S-E, if you wanna, go and vote for this story as it is nominated for a Spuffy Award. It's in Best General Saga and here's the address: www.  
  
flesh-for-fantasy.com/SpuffyAwards  
  
It's wonderful to be nominated and it would be awesome to win! ;) Again, huge hug to vuks for the nomination! Thank you! :)  
  
A.M.L, Annie, 


	39. When She's Gone

*********************************TRApPeD*********************************  
  
Thirty-Nine: When She's Gone  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-06-11  
  
***************************************************************************  
  
Day Thirty-Five.  
  
9.07 a.m.  
  
Spike rested his head back, slumping down in the armchair and bringing the half-emptied glass of bourbon to his mouth. It wasn't spreading through him fast enough. It wasn't giving him the release he needed from the thoughts churning through his mind.  
  
She was in Los Angeles.  
  
She hadn't told him exactly why she was going, just that she simply had to. And he had let her go without any fuss because he could already see on her that she was more than serious. This was something she needed to do.  
  
He wanted numbness. He craved it. But it wouldn't set in.  
  
"Spike?"  
  
He turned his head sharply to the door; staring at the human form in the doorway, her eyes staring back.  
  
"What're you doing here, Red?" he finally asked, taking another mouthful of the liquor and praying for it to soak his head.  
  
Willow observed him in silence for a few moments, narrowing her eyes as she watched the haggard expression on his face. He looked more tired than she thought she had ever seen him. Stripped of his arrogance and reduced into something that seemed built by nothing but emotion, and worries. She wondered how much Buffy had disclosed about the trip to L.A - and Angel. It couldn't have been much.  
  
"Can I come in?" she asked and he glared at her, then his face softened and he let forth a smile, shaking his head a little.  
  
"You would be the one to bloody ask before stepping into someone's home, wouldn't you?" he then more stated than inquired and she smiled tentatively back as he signed for her to join him. "You're not like Buffy... barging in where she doesn't belong..." he trailed off, his gaze caught in the golden color of the drink in his hand and then he huffed, once again bringing the edge of the glass to his lower lip, letting it rest there for a second and then swallowing the rest of the liquid down.  
  
"I wanted to say thank you," Willow declared and she immediately had his eyes in hers again.  
  
He looked disbelieving.  
  
"For what?" he asked and she smiled a very small smile at that.  
  
"For what you did," she then answered. "For what you did for Oz."  
  
Spike shrugged, getting to his feet and walking passed her, into the kitchen.  
  
"We couldn't have gotten him outta there without your help," she continued. "I can't tell you..."  
  
"And I couldn't have gotten him outta there without the sodding help of Adam," he interrupted, grabbing the bottle containing his chosen companion for the evening and filling his glass again. "So you go flap the bloody banner of honor over someone else's head 'cause I ain't worth it," he added, putting the bottle down with a harsh bang and she jerked, watching him before she shook her head slightly.  
  
"No," she then disagreed silently. "Adam wasn't the one who fought with us down there, YOU were. I don't know what your plan is... I don't know if what you really wanna do is kill all of us and throw a party once it's done... And I'm not sure why you're doing what you're doing. But last night you showed me that some small part of you cares, otherwise you wouldn't have done what you did when you did it."  
  
"I'm still dangerous, you know," he muttered and she smiled.  
  
"Seems to me the persons most eager to tell everyone how 'evil' they are - are the ones who actually have something more to them," she replied and the shadow of a smile drew over his mouth before he took a mouthful of the bourbon and swallowed it down hard.  
  
"You're blind," he grumbled.  
  
"Maybe I'm not the only one who thinks so," she remarked, eyebrows rising slightly and he blinked at the small hint in her posture.  
  
Buffy?  
  
"All I wanted to say was thank you," Willow now repeated. "You saved the life of someone who means a lot to me. I think I owe you some sort of benefit of the doubt," she added and he eyed her before she turned and walked back up to the door. "Oh, and if you ARE planning on hurting any of us," she said, stopping in the doorway and looking at him again, "especially those of us who have more faith in you than others... I'd advice strongly against it."  
  
He furrowed his brow questioningly as he watched her disappear through the door.  
  
What the bloody hell was that supposed to mean? It sounded like an indirect reference to Buffy...  
  
But the Slayer hadn't told anyone anything. So had the Wicca figured it out? Or was he just reading way too much into it? Well, for about five minutes he had been able to forget about why he felt like he had been hit by a bloody train. That was always something.  
  
***  
  
11.45 p.m.  
  
She closed the door to the dorm room and walked up to her bed. Placing herself on it she tried to calm herself. It hadn't exactly been the ride-of- fun-and-fondness, that she secretively had been very prepared for, seeing Angel again. But right now that was rather far from her mind.  
  
She was afraid. Afraid of what this might've caused in form of a splinter between Spike and her... She hadn't been able to explain why she had to leave so suddenly. That there wasn't an apocalyptic matter per say, but... Well, she wasn't sure that Spike would understand, no matter what aspect she tried to explain it from.  
  
She felt terrible, especially since she had a hunch that whatever there had been, and in some ways still was, in way of rivalry between Spike and her it was nothing at all compared to that which had been going on between her current lover and his grandsire for the past twelve decades or so.  
  
She thought she could detect an air of respect from Spike, one that he never showed anyone else, whenever Angel's name was mentioned. She had to wonder if that was what pissed him off to the extreme, that he couldn't get rid of the slight awe he clearly held for the older vamp.  
  
She had asked him about the two's relationship more than once while they were locked in that spell, but he never really had given her an answer, had he? She wondered what the big deal really was... Spike had said it to be the regular kind of competitiveness, but she knew there had to be more to it. Drusilla was probably a major factor, she seemed to have done nothing but add to the tension between the two vampires. But then what? A brotherly love-hate sort of thing? There had to be a time during which the two could share hunting and living without having to watch their backs all the time...  
  
It puzzled her. She hoped it wouldn't always be that way, but she had a nagging feeling that she shouldn't refer to Angel even in the slightest for a while to come.  
  
Angel...  
  
He had disappointed her. She never would have thought that he could do that.  
  
Spike.  
  
She wanted to see him. She actually longed for him and it sort of frightened her in a strangely exciting sense of that word. The emotion was exquisite in a way she had never experienced before. The thought of him angry or upset with her... It wasn't pleasant. But she was so tired, and so mentally beat up by what had happened in Los Angeles, and she knew she'd just mess everything up even more if she went to see him now.  
  
Tomorrow. She would gather her strength and see him tomorrow.  
  
She still had her doubts when it came to him, to them; her own insecurities to work through, but being away from him had somehow granted her perspective on certain things. On things regarding herself, and how she felt. Because truth was, being away from him had made her realize that she did feel something... more. It had made her understand that she did trust him - in what he said that he felt for her. She could see it. So help her, she could see it and she couldn't ignore that. It was real. It was there. And she had seen a change in him... as well as different sides to him.  
  
She owed him her life.  
  
She KNEW he wouldn't have saved her - he wouldn't have gone through the trouble - simply to screw with her head. No. No way.  
  
He was in love with her; for some reason still not quite clear to her he loved her. And she knew all the holes in the happily-ever-after theory. But if she could make him believe in it, then she should at least allow him the chance to make her believe in it too.  
  
She wanted to trust him. Fully.  
  
She thought she would entrust him with her life, if it came to that.  
  
But her heart?  
  
She closed her eyes.  
  
Tomorrow...  
  
***  
  
Day Thirty-Six.  
  
6.45 a.m.  
  
She was running through a forest, the trees stood in tight rows on both her sides and they were tall enough to shut out any piece of sky. It was dark, wet and she had a feeling that she wasn't alone. That the other someone was someone whom she was looking for, and knowing that that someone was out there sent her a feeling of comfort.  
  
Suddenly a root tripped her and she rolled down a small ridge, landing on a soft bed of moss. She lay on her side, eyes closed and a smile on her mouth when a branch from a nearby bush began to poke her shoulder from behind. She tried to brush it away, but there seemed to be no use. It was innerving and finally she turned her head to look over at it, murmuring:  
  
"What do you WANT?"  
  
Opening her eyes she was in her dorm room, in her bed, and she looked into two blue eyes that she knew well. Spike arched an eyebrow, then replied:  
  
"I want you to wake up, is what I want."  
  
She tried to get the disorientation from sleep out of her head as she blinked and turned onto her back, propping herself up on her elbows and staring at him.  
  
"What? What time is it?" she asked, trying to remember where she had her clock and coming up empty handed as she still felt completely upside down.  
  
"Almost seven," he answered.  
  
"In the morning?!" she exclaimed and he smirked. "Oh, go away, you evil man! I can sleep for another hour," she added, lying back down and pulling her pillow over her head.  
  
"I waited for you last night," he said and she grew still before she removed the pillow in favor of meeting his gaze again.  
  
"I wasn't sure that you would be," she admitted hesitantly and he smiled meekly.  
  
"That the reason why you didn't come?" he wondered and she drew a small breath, pulling herself up into a seated position and looking down on her hands as she struggled to think of what she should be saying to him; and what she should not.  
  
"Spike..."  
  
"I got tired of waiting," he cut her off, rising from the chair he had been seated on. "I wanted to see if you were okay. If you were back. And you are, and... you are."  
  
She looked at up at him, wanting to find the words so badly, but failing.  
  
"Right," he mumbled, turning from her and starting toward the door.  
  
"You woke me up just to say that?" she asked and he stopped in front of the door, looking back at her with a small smile which seemed sad as well and she swallowed.  
  
"No, love," he simply said before turning the knob, opening the door and stepping through it.  
  
She watched it for a while after it had closed, thinking she could probably have handled that a bit better.  
  
***  
  
6.54 a.m.  
  
He had wanted to ask her about what had happened. But spending nearly half an hour watching her sleep had taken the will right out of him to know anything that might harm him. He had given her the power she now held over him without being able to stop himself. It just went to show what he had always suspected: he was a sad sodding wanker. He had just done such a bloody good job at covering it up all these years.  
  
***  
  
10.20 a.m.  
  
There was a knock and she put the magazine, which she had been eye- devouring for the past fifteen minutes, down on her bed before rising and walking up to the door. Trying her best to look ill, since she had decided to cut class on grounds of not feeling very well, she opened the door slowly.  
  
"Spike?" she said and he smiled a little, leaning against the doorframe casually.  
  
She returned the smile, not able to hide her surprise. She hadn't thought she'd be seeing him for a while and she had decided the best thing to do was probably to give him his space. But here he was, and she was taken off guard by how happy she was that he had come back.  
  
He got rid of his smile with effort as he raised his eyebrows in question.  
  
"You NEVER ask for permission," she remarked and he couldn't resist a smirk, his eyes turning meaningful and she shook her head at him. "Okay, once you've been formally invited," she elaborated and he tilted his head to one side, eyeing her in continuing silence and she observed him back before taking a step out of the way.  
  
He came inside and she closed the door.  
  
She turned to face him.  
  
With the window behind him, the light lining his form with a visible aura, there was a softness to his whole being that made her all the more certain of what she was feeling and thinking being right. Being with him was like being on an adventure twenty-four/seven; not that she really needed more of that in her everyday life, but he was the good part of it. And that was what made bits of her insecurity melt away.  
  
At this thought she smiled at him tentatively and he returned it.  
  
"I wanted to tell you," he said, continuing: "that I've had another meeting with Adam... He expects me to break your posse up," he added and she blinked. "Soon."  
  
"Okay," she nodded. "Then we'll make him believe you've succeeded. No biggie."  
  
He nodded as well, glancing about the room with his nerves slowly curling up on themselves as he didn't know what he wanted to do next. On one hand there was the kissing bit. On the other there was the her-just-maybe-having- kissed-Angel bit that made the bleached blonde want to gag. And walk out again.  
  
"I figured you'd wanna know," he murmured, meeting her eyes with his own once more.  
  
She looked rather uneasy as well and he thought that was his signal to just leave. But he couldn't move.  
  
"I did," she confirmed. "Thank you."  
  
"Oh," he shrugged. "All part of the deal," he then grumbled, looking at her almost hesitantly before turning and walking passed her up to her desk.  
  
Looking through her cd's he wanted to find something clever to say. Something snappy or some remark that would throw her. He used to be good at that; now his tongue seemed pinned down and motionless. He wished he could at least have yelled at her, have demanded an explanation as to what the hell she had been thinking, have demanded an answer to the question circling in his head: why?  
  
Why had she gone in the first place? Why had she so suddenly needed to see the one person who could be described as the love of her life? Why wasn't she talking? Why had she ever let him near her?!  
  
Everything had been simpler if she could have used just one scrap of that immense strength she harbored to push him away right from the start.  
  
"Why aren't you in class?" he asked, in lack of anything clever or snappy.  
  
"I'm just... tired," she answered and he smiled faintly, turning to her again.  
  
"Right, from the traveling," he muttered and she was about to say something when he continued: "I don't wanna... hear 'bout it. I don't wanna bloody pretend it even happened... But, while we're on the subject - was there any buggering SPECIAL reason you had to bloody go see him?"  
  
"Spike, I..."  
  
"No. No, I don't wanna bloody hear it," he shook his head, seemingly taking back his question; question-mark and all.  
  
"There was... nothing," she tried. "Nothing at all. A few hello's and a few good-bye's and that's it. Nothing interesting."  
  
At that he turned his head to her, observing her sharply for nearly ten seconds before he said slowly:  
  
"You don't wanna talk to me 'bout this, do you?"  
  
She licked her lips.  
  
"No, I-I do! It's just..."  
  
"What? Another part of your life that's none of my business?" he interrupted her once more and she blinked, taking a step forward.  
  
He didn't understand.  
  
"Don't worry," he sighed. "I really don't wanna sodding know. Not any of it."  
  
He brushed passed her, this time as he walked up to the door, and she shook her head.  
  
"But there's nothing to..." she began, looking at where he should have been on his way out, but wasn't, and trailing off.  
  
He was gone. She sighed.  
  
What else could possibly happen to stir this already spinning situation?  
  
***  
  
8.16 p.m.  
  
Spike entered his crypt, sliding the duster off his shoulders. He had spent the day thinking up a plan good enough to hopefully deceive Adam, and then he had presented the part of it which the latter should be included in to the monster. He had seemed pleased enough. Spike had steered clear of Buffy for the remainder of the day, keeping himself busy with gathering more information on Adam as well as the Initiative.  
  
Now he sighed and walked up to the telly, turning it on and watching the slowly emerging pictures taking form on the screen. Then he turned and proceeded into the kitchen. Opening up the fridge he reached in to bring out a jar filled with blood, but he froze in the middle of the movement and then he straightened his back again. Shutting the door he then turned around to face his unannounced visitor.  
  
The former smirked.  
  
"You look like hell," he stated.  
  
"I was attacked," Angel scoffed. "See how good YOU'D look if you had four strangers jump out on you from all sides."  
  
"All sides?" Spike asked and Angel nodded.  
  
"ALL sides."  
  
They grew silent, as well as serious.  
  
"This town ain't what it used to be," Spike said. "There are things underground that you and I couldn't even bloody fathom, back in our glory days."  
  
Angel smiled a small smile at that. Spike could see the broodiness resting right beneath the surface. Always the shadow lying over the other vampire's eyes. Always the burden he had to bear threatening to break through his composed exterior at any time.  
  
"A few above ground as well," Angel then replied and Spike arched his scarred eyebrow.  
  
Turning he walked further into the kitchen again, bringing out two glasses from one of the cabinets. Getting a bottle of whiskey from another he returned to face his old comrade.  
  
"Drink?" he asked and Angel looked at the amber liquid before giving a shrug and a nod why not.  
  
Spike set the two glasses down on the tattered counter to his left and opened the bottle, pouring until both of the former were half full before putting the bottle down beside them. There were too many questions; he couldn't pick which one to ask first.  
  
He reached one of the glasses out and Angel took it.  
  
"To love and prosperity," he said, raising it and Spike had a glint of recognition occur in his eyes.  
  
"May they both be offered in plenty, in reverence and eternity," he then finished a toast which to them, over the course of fifteen years, had been more familiar than the shirts on their backs.  
  
They raised their glasses half an inch, and then both emptied the contents in one swoop. Swallowing they looked at each other again. The quiet once more growing thick between them.  
  
"What made you return?" Angel asked.  
  
"What made you?" Spike retorted and the tension began to build.  
  
"What about Dru?" Angel inquired and Spike huffed.  
  
"Yeah, what about her?" he then asked back.  
  
"I thought you loved her," Angel pointed out and Spike shook his head.  
  
"So did I," he then stated.  
  
Angel's jaw tightened and he paused before he said:  
  
"I don't know what the hell you think you're doing, but I'm positive it's nothing good."  
  
Spike put his glass down and took a step forward, keeping his gaze in the others without wavering for a second. A challenge.  
  
"How the bloody hell did you even find me?" he murmured.  
  
"Didn't take a genius," Angel answered.  
  
"Lucky you," Spike shot and Angel's gaze hardened as well.  
  
They grew silent once again, and then Spike spoke up.  
  
"You, if anyone, should know what the sod she does to a bloke," he grumbled. Angel stiffened even further at that, knowing all too well that Spike was speaking in no reference to Drusilla this time. "I'm in love with her," Spike added and Angel's hand moved the next moment, grabbing the shorter vamp by the throat. "If she told you," the latter croaked out, "it must mean something to her, too!"  
  
Angel let him go with another huff.  
  
"She didn't tell me," he then stated. "Not flat out."  
  
"But she mentioned it?" Spike wondered, not able to hide the subtle hope in his voice and Angel stared at him.  
  
"You don't deserve her," he merely replied.  
  
Spike ground his teeth in growing irritation.  
  
"This what you bleeding came here for? A buggering lecture?" he asked.  
  
"You can't say you don't know that I'm right," Angel said and Spike glared at him.  
  
"Get out," he demanded, voice lowered.  
  
"Buffy's out of your league," the older merely continued. "Don't tell me that's not the second or third thought that runs through your mind every time you see her."  
  
"Get out!" Spike repeated. "Get out, or I'll throw you out."  
  
"That won't be necessary," Angel replied coolly. "I didn't come back to see YOU."  
  
"Stay away from her," Spike warned, voice quivering with both anger and a sudden rush of fear that he was on the brink of loosing her.  
  
"No," the dark-haired simply brushed him off, turning to walk up to the door.  
  
Spike was the one who threw the first punch.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ****************** 


	40. Walk Away

*********************************TRApPeD*********************************  
  
Forty: Walk Away  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-06-17  
  
**************************************************************************  
  
Day Thirty-Six.  
  
8.42 p.m.  
  
Angel stumbled to the side from the fist connecting with his jaw. He took the second blow, averting it with one arm and then he retaliated by kicking his leg out, hitting the bleached blonde in the center of his torso and having him fly two yards back; almost crashing into the counter, but missing it by a mere inch.  
  
Spike was on his feet the next instant, throwing himself forward and making Angel tumble backward as the formers shoulder connected with his ribs. For a minute or two they were simply pummeling each other on the floor; both taking hits to their faces and Angel beginning to bleed from a cut just below his hair line, Spike from a wound on his right cheek.  
  
Angel suddenly laughed and they took a breather as Spike shoved him into the hard floor before getting off of him and to his feet.  
  
"What's so bloody amusing?" he grumbled, Angel following his lead and standing as well; brushing the dirt off his black attire the older gave a shrug.  
  
"You haven't changed," he then replied and Spike cocked an eyebrow. "In all the time I've known you, you've never changed. Are you saying now's any different?"  
  
"Yeah, I bleeding well am," Spike stated; a tone of desperation in his voice which he couldn't cover up and Angel observed him for a moment, then said:  
  
"She doesn't love you. You HAVE to know that. I do, Spike. I know HER and she would never..."  
  
"Crossing a line," Spike warned with a glare of mixed emotions.  
  
Rage, pain, disbelief and knowledge; knowledge of the fact that Angel DID know her, better than he did.  
  
"You should walk away," Angel nodded, as though he knew what was stirring the others mind; then he added: "before something happens that'll make you hurt her."  
  
"I could never..."  
  
"Please," the former interrupted sarcastically. "Don't try this act on me, I taught it to you, for crying out loud! There's something you want from her, and I'll be damned if I sit back and let you destroy her life."  
  
"No, mate," Spike shook his head, "that's what YOU do. Mind games and sick, twisted pranks have always been YOUR bloody calling card, NOT mine."  
  
Angel looked away.  
  
"I can't control Angelus," he murmured and Spike took a step forward, then said:  
  
"And I can't deny how she makes me feel."  
  
At that Angel turned his eyes back in the others.  
  
"I don't think I'M the one crossing lines here," he then grumbled and Spike huffed.  
  
"I'm not you," he stated. "I never was... no matter how I bloody tried," he added, voice rather lowered and Angel blinked. "All that's in the past," Spike continued. "All of it... I'm willing to put it all behind me."  
  
"For her," Angel filled in and Spike straightened his posture slightly, as a confirmation. "You're a fool if you think you're what she needs," Angel grumbled. "A wolf in sheep's clothing." Spike gave him another glare, right before Angel added: "Over my dead body."  
  
Moving forward he placed a perfect punch to Spike's right cheek, hitting the already soar wound and the younger let out a cry before clenching his own fingers into fists - and so the fight was once again on.  
  
***  
  
8.54 p.m.  
  
Okay, stay cool, Buffy thought. Don't let him know how much you've... missed him. How... weird it was to sleep alone last night. How you've been pretty much thinking about him every two seconds since...  
  
The sound of a brawl - furniture much likely being turned over as well as body parts being hit by other body parts - made her pause for a second, staring at the doors of his crypt which she was now facing, thinking that there was no way these sounds could be coming from where they were obviously coming from - behind those very doors, and then she moved forward. Pushing the first one open she raced through the other, coming to a sharp halt in the doorway as she stared at the scene before her.  
  
The two delivering the punches didn't notice her presence and she practically gaped. Not only because someone whom she hadn't expected to see in a long time was fighting with her current... But because this current was seemingly furious over something. She hadn't seen either one of them this angry in forever and finally she stepped forward and rushed up to them yelling:  
  
"Hey! Hey, hey, hey!"  
  
Getting her arms between them and then pushing them harshly away from the other she looked first at Angel and then at Spike with a frown of dislike.  
  
"Would you mind telling me exactly WHAT is going on?" she asked both of them, again looking from one to the other.  
  
"Bloody hell!" Spike suddenly exclaimed and she almost jerked before she turned her head back to him questioningly. He took a step forward, reaching up his hands and gently brushing his fingers around the deep cut in her forehead. "What happened? Are you okay?"  
  
She couldn't help but smile a little at his obvious concern, looking up at him she then nodded.  
  
"I'm just great, apart from the massive head ache," she assured and he furrowed his brow.  
  
"Did Adam do this?" he asked and she frowned again, wondering. Spike clenched his jaws together tight and stepped away from her. "I saw him earlier... he told me that he'd had a run-in with you... Had no bloody idea it was a heads-to-heads sodding run-in. If I had, I swear he wouldn't be standing right now!"  
  
Angel suddenly smirked and when Spike saw it he glared at him.  
  
"What is it now?" he demanded and the former once more shrugged nonchalantly.  
  
"You've gotten better at this," he merely replied and Spike was about two tenths of a second from throwing himself over his grandsire again when Buffy slid her fingers cautiously over his wrist and further across the back of his hand, calmingly.  
  
Spike looked down at her and then turned with a hardened expression on his face, though his fingers lightly graced hers as well before he walked a few steps away.  
  
"So," she said, "what started this?"  
  
"A bite from Drusilla?" Angel quipped and Spike turned back around.  
  
"Buffy, I bloody SWEAR..." he began, the annoyance making his voice unsteady, but she shook her head.  
  
"Have you got a better answer?" she then wondered and he gave Angel an icy look before he met Buffy's gaze.  
  
"He was meddling," he replied. "And - I sodding hate the sight of him," he added, muttering, and Angel shook his head with a roll of his eyes.  
  
"I didn't come here to pick a quarrel," he then assured and Spike's eyes once more grew tough as nails as he took a step forward.  
  
"Watch it, love," he said, gaze still locked in the other vampire's though Buffy turned her head to look at the one speaking. "It's when he gets that soothe tone in his voice that you know you'd do best at watching your back."  
  
"Yeah, I guess the years we spent on the road were a tough lesson, even though you DID learn it?" Angel grumbled, taking a slow step forward as well.  
  
"I didn't spend those years with you, I spent them with that demon resting just below the surface," Spike shot.  
  
"I think I remember just as well."  
  
"I bet you do," Spike nodded. "So what makes you more deserving in life than me?" he then added and the meaning of those words had Angel stiffen before a cold smile graced his lips.  
  
"Life? Now, there's a philosophy all in its own, isn't there? Do we live, or merely exist?"  
  
"Us vampires?" Spike asked, reflecting the smile of the other and the latter nodded. "Do you wanna have one of those tedious discussions, mate? Bloody hell, let's give the Slayer a treat? Eh? Be like the good old times."  
  
Buffy swallowed. The air was moving with the two creatures, rippling from their words.  
  
"All I'm saying is - what defines us? Our actions, I'd say," the dark- haired stated and Spike tilted his head slightly to one side before he retorted:  
  
"And you've had about a hundred years worth more experience than me in the field of 'existing'," making Angel smile again.  
  
"But you forget," he replied, "that over the past one hundred I haven't killed a single human being."  
  
"That makes us even, then," Spike nodded.  
  
"Drop the act," Angel murmured. "Tell her."  
  
Buffy frowned, deeply this time, turning her eyes on her lover. He gave her a glance and a dismissing head shake, but he could hear her heart beating hard in her chest now. He could have killed Angel right then and there; in that moment it was all he wanted to do. If there was any being on this planet that could crash whatever it was that was forming between him and this woman - it was his grandsire.  
  
"Stop this," Spike tried, eyes still in Angel's.  
  
"I'll leave once you've told her," the latter promised. "Tell her whatever it is that you're planning and I'll leave the staking to her."  
  
"Is that how easily you say good-bye, brother?" Spike wondered, his voice all but surprised and Angel smiled again, this time bitterly.  
  
"It's how much I know you're 'love' is worth," he then replied, adding a low: "Brother."  
  
They stared at each other, the moment dragging its feet in the dust of the floor, and then they both moved forward again. This time Buffy was faster than either of them and once again she was in between them, pushing them away from each other. Both stumbled, Angel almost tumbling over a sarcophagus standing behind him, and Spike going back-first into the kitchen counter.  
  
"Okay, that's enough!" she said, voice firm and they looked at her as she continued: "I see one more display of testosterone poisoning and I will personally put you BOTH in the hospital... Anybody think I'm exaggerating?" she finished, looking first at Spike and then at Angel.  
  
They didn't respond and she took it as a sign that they had gotten the message.  
  
Pausing for a moment to try and straighten out the situation she then walked up to Spike. He met her gaze and she drew a small breath, knowing that what she was about to ask of him was something that would be extremely difficult for him to tolerate.  
  
"I need to speak with Angel for a minute," she finally got out and she could see the flicker of impatience in those two blue eyes digging into hers searchingly before he ground his teeth.  
  
"Why?" he asked and she gave him a look.  
  
"Spike, please," she murmured and he observed her for a few moments before his expression finally softened slightly.  
  
"If that's what you want I bloody reckon I can't stop you anyways," he then muttered with a small shrug, about to turn away from her when she slid her hand into his and stopped him, catching his gaze again she held it steadily.  
  
"Thank you," she said and he smiled a weak smile, pulling his hand away from hers and walking into the kitchen area.  
  
Buffy turned her head to Angel and gave him a meaningful look to follow, and then she walked up to the doors leading out of the crypt. He did as she wanted and soon they faced each other in the cold light of the moon, the stars sprinkling the night with their everlasting beauty.  
  
Had she not been in this predicament she might have actually enjoyed them. Now all she could focus on was the fact that this was probably ruining a part of her life she wasn't sure had even been truly formed yet, and that someone who meant the world to her was responsible for it. She didn't want to listen to what she suspected was going to come out of Angel's mouth, but knew that she had to.  
  
"Exactly what was that - in there - going to prove? Huh?" she asked, the aggravation becoming clearer with every word, even to her.  
  
Angel merely eyed her in silence and she shook her head at him, throwing her arms out to her sides before she began pacing before him.  
  
"Fine, don't tell me. You don't have to, if you don't want to," she sighed, stopping and running her hands through her hair.  
  
"You seemed torn up in L.A," Angel finally stated. "Like something was bugging you..."  
  
"So, what - you thought you'd come here and de-bug me?" she asked and he smiled a little. "What made you think thrashing Spike would help me in that regard?" she added, leaning against the wall of the crypt and crossing her arms over her chest.  
  
"Well, for starters, I'd have figured that to be the best part of YOUR day," he replied. "Up until now, that is."  
  
She blinked, then sighed for the second time.  
  
"Yeah," she grumbled.  
  
"He's not good for you," Angel stated and she deterred from meeting his gaze. "You know he's not."  
  
She didn't respond for a long minute and then she looked up and into his eyes as she replied:  
  
"Not always."  
  
"And that's why I came," Angel said.  
  
She furrowed her brow, unfolding her arms and straightening her posture before she inquired:  
  
"What gives you the right then, to tell me what to do?"  
  
"I came because I was worried, I came 'cause I wanted to make things better..."  
  
"This is NOT a good start," she muttered.  
  
"You don't know him, Buffy," Angel tried and she shook her head again, disbelieving. "You don't know what he's done, what he's capable of..."  
  
"Oh, I don't know?!" she practically exclaimed. "I've seen him do things that should have me hating him for the rest of my life! I know what he is, Angel..."  
  
"But do you know WHO he is?" the vampire retorted. "Do you know how he used to get himself into pistol fights and duels simply for the fun of it? Has he told you about all the children? The families? The innocents, Buffy."  
  
"YOU have killed, just like he has!" she said.  
  
"Yes," Angel nodded. "And I know what it does to a person who can actually feel something to remember, to regret... to repent every single day... I swear to you, you can't trust him. He has no emotions in him. Whatever he's doing with you, he's doing it for himself."  
  
She looked at him now, seemingly taking the words in and then she said:  
  
"He's changed."  
  
Angel stared at her, trepidation evident on his features before he took a step closer.  
  
"I never would've thought he'd be able to get to you," he said and she blinked. "Do you have any idea how many women he has seduced? How many women he has TURNED? He's a master when it comes to this sort of play, and I promise you, you're nothing but a piece of whatever puzzle he's designing here!"  
  
She looked away from him and he adopted an understanding expression as he added:  
  
"This isn't a new concept, is it?"  
  
At first she didn't know what to answer him, but then she met his gaze once more and said:  
  
"I don't need you to save me from my own choices."  
  
"I didn't say that you did," he shook his head. "But I wanted to help you make the right one now. I don't know why you've let your guard down... you just can't let it stay that way."  
  
"I can't help the way I feel... when I'm with him," she mumbled and Angel's eyes widened slightly at this revelation.  
  
"You have to help it," he said. "'Cause whatever he's showing you - it isn't real."  
  
"Please..." she murmured. "Try to understand..."  
  
"What is there to understand?!" he exclaimed and she almost jerked at the harsh sound of it. "He's set his mind at having you on your knees before him, and you practically ARE! I... I can't stand to see you like this."  
  
"Like how?" she wondered.  
  
"Haven't you heard what you've been saying? You're defending him, Buffy! How did it ever go this far?!"  
  
"Angel, I know what you see is really different from what I see," she replied, surprised at how calm she was. "I've already been over everything you've just told me a number of times over the past month and every time I've gotten the same answer out of myself: there's no use to worry over not yet spilt milk. I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself. If the day comes that sees me face Spike in a not so friendly way, I'll be able to handle it," she finished and Angel looked at her for what felt like a very long time before he nodded.  
  
"You really care about him, don't you?" he asked, voice lowered and she wasn't sure how to reply to that question, so she gave a small smile and the vampire returned it tentatively. "Yeah... I saw how you looked at him."  
  
"Did you notice how HE looked at ME?" she inquired and at that his smile turned into a smirk before he grew serious.  
  
"One word of advice," he said. "Don't trust him too well. He's brilliant at this."  
  
She looked at him, then smiled before she asked:  
  
"Wasn't that more like nine words of advice?"  
  
"In two sentences," he nodded, smiling back before he added: "I'll see you."  
  
She nodded.  
  
"Yeah, you will."  
  
They parted, Angel walking off into the cemetery and Buffy proceeding up to the door of the crypt. Pushing it open she walked inside and through the second one before she stepped onto the floor. Spike wasn't there and her heart began to sink.  
  
What now?  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Hey y'all! I'm annoyed. Our kitten stepped all over my laptop and now Windows is all WEIRD! And I don't know how to fix it. Great, huh? ;) Don't worry, it won't stop the next chapter. Hehe. Hope you liked this, though...  
  
Special thanks to LizDarcy :), qattaca (glass of water?) ;), wol116 (no, not all the way to Chosen!) :), Erica *smile*, Mel (awww!) :), Pine *grin*, Andi :):), Dreamzone (well and *lol* and thank you!), Captain *hehe*, Dark Raven *smmmile*, Rachel *grin*, Maribel (hope this quenched your desire and thanks for the vote!) and Carol (great to hear from you and so happy you're still liking it, about posting on another site it IS hosted on vampires- kiss.net - an awesome site, go check it out there if you hit trouble with ff.net, k?) :) - thanks a LOT for ALL the wonderful comments and thoughts! Love to hear from you!  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	41. Intermission

*********************************TRApPeD*****************************  
  
Forty-One: Intermission  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-06-20  
  
***********************************************************************  
  
Day Thirty-Six.  
  
10.20 p.m.  
  
Spike looked out over the glittering lights of a city which he had come to regard as something of a home. He had never belonged anywhere, but yes, how bittersweet it was to finally belong in the last place on Earth he actually should.  
  
He had roamed the globe for a long time. He had seen it in bad days and good, in pure defeat and in glory, in hate and in love... He had been part of it all. He had been a spot of shame for so long; he didn't want to be cause of that feeling for her. Anything but shame. Anything but regret. He didn't want to instill that in someone who had, for the very first time, made him think of what he was.  
  
He couldn't count the hours he had drifted off into musings of why he did what he did after she had said those things about "killing with a purpose". It WAS his nature, it WAS a part of him that he couldn't sidestep or get out of the way... But it was also that side to him - that violent side to him - that had been quietly pushed back.  
  
Sure he wasn't exactly good at controlling it. He still felt the urge to kill. But she had made him focus all of it on something better than the mere taking of life. She had given him a purpose. Without her...  
  
He closed his eyes and sat down on the grass covering the slope he was currently on. Then lay down on his back and opened his eyes again, looking up at the stretch of white dots high above his head.  
  
To most, he supposed, the fact of him even existing would be as hard for their brains to process as the fact that those soft twinkles in the sky - seeming so reachable - were in fact a billion miles away, and that what they were gazing at in awe was something which had been sent through space ages upon ages ago.  
  
He was dead.  
  
Yet he walked.  
  
Un-human.  
  
He wondered what he was to her. What did she see when she looked at him? Why had she given herself to him? And how could she sleep in his arms and not care? DID she even care about what happened to him? Was this all some kind of a game to her? Or a test? Of what? His ability, his trustworthiness? Or was she simply using him - to get to Adam?  
  
Or did something in her care?  
  
Angel's voice kept ringing in his head.  
  
"You're a fool if you think you're what she needs."  
  
Angel had done the noble thing. Angel had walked away in recognition of the hopelessness of a relationship where they could barely touch each other in fear of taking it one step too far and rendering him soulless. Angel had loved her enough to let her go.  
  
But I'm not noble, Spike thought, sitting up and pulling his legs up, resting his elbows casually against his knees as he once more took in the view of Sunnydale. I'm selfish. I want her.  
  
He straightened his back slightly at the sudden sensation of being watched overcoming him. Then he sighed.  
  
"Didn't think it'd be that easy, did you?" Angel asked and Spike got to his feet, turning to face the approaching vamp.  
  
"You said what you bleeding well wanted to say," the bleached grumbled. "Leave it be and get the bloody hell outta here."  
  
"I wanna know what it is you want from her," Angel merely replied.  
  
"You couldn't possibly understand," Spike murmured.  
  
"I couldn't?" Angel asked, skeptically.  
  
"No, you couldn't. You couldn't control Angelus, and Angelus wanted nothing but massacre and death... Even for her. I have no soul... but I look at her and all I wanna bloody do is protect her," Spike stated and Angel once more found himself staring at a being he had dealt with for such a long duration of his own existence, as well as that of the younger, that he was too certain of what he believed to be convinced. "Why did you come here?" Spike now inquired.  
  
"I need you to realize that what you're doing with her is bound to..."  
  
"No," Spike interrupted. "Not buggering HERE-here, in Sunnydale here. Why the hell did you come back?"  
  
"Buffy and I... We left things sorta hanging in the air and I didn't wanna leave them there," the dark-haired answered.  
  
"Why did you come see me, then?" Spike demanded and Angel smiled that shadow of a smile which was one of his more infuriating traits, before he replied:  
  
"You know why I did."  
  
"To make me bleeding leave her," Spike murmured and Angel smiled again, making Spike really want to punch him in the nose. "What had you figuring it was me? With her?"  
  
"It was subtle," Angel replied. "The way she glanced up at me, and then away, when she told me about you - helping. How self-conscious she got when I asked to know more... And, yes, the minor detail of your scent - all over her clothes."  
  
"Once upon a time," Spike mumbled, "you knew me better than myself. Look at me. Bloody look me in the eye. My love IS worth something."  
  
"I'm glad some of what I said to you took hold."  
  
"You sodding can't..."  
  
"But I CAN!" Angel cut him off, taking the steps between them in the blink of an eye and grabbing the other by the collar of his T-shirt before practically lifting him off the ground. "I can, 'cause that girl down there is more precious to me than you could even imagine! I will NOT let you damage her!"  
  
Spike giggled, shaking his head barely noticeably as he hung by his grandsire's clasping grip.  
  
"You look at her and you feel so damn good," the younger then murmured. "You hold her and you feel your heart beating... With her you have a dream, a future. With her you're whole, in one bleeding piece at last - after what feels like eons of minutes. After a lifetime of something that is probably just that." Angel released his grip and Spike went down on his knees, looking down at his hands before up at the figure of someone he had once considered the model by which he wanted to mold himself. Perhaps now even more so. "You can tell that what she does to you is gonna have a too large impact on you than you'd even like to admit to yourself... but in the end you have to see it for what it is. Embrace it. Go with it. And that's when it gets truly amazing. When you give yourself to her. When she looks at you and accepts you. THAT'S when you know that no matter what comes it'll be alright, as long as she's there, as long as she rests her eyes in yours just like that. You gave all of it up. I don't bloody get how you could bring yourself to, when you KNEW that she..."  
  
He trailed off. Angel's face was tight and mournful, making Spike wonder if he had gone too far.  
  
"I couldn't give her what she wanted," the former finally said, voice lowered and hoarse.  
  
Spike furrowed his brow.  
  
"You still love her?" he asked and Angel met his gaze before he sighed.  
  
"A part of me will always love her," he then answered. "But I released her... She released me."  
  
"Then be bloody content with that," Spike grumbled, a trace of a plea in his gaze and Angel observed him at the sight of it.  
  
He had never seen anything like it in the blue eyes of his grandchilde before. He realized, in that moment, that this was a fight he was destined to lose. It wasn't in his hands anymore. In fact, it never had been. It had been vain of him to actually believe that this was something he could ever influence.  
  
"I still think she deserves better than you," he muttered, his gaze brightening just a little as he added: "Or me."  
  
He took a step back, then gave a nod and turned around, beginning to walk away.  
  
Spike watched him, then said, voice low:  
  
"Thought you said it wasn't gonna be easy."  
  
Angel paused, turned partially to him, and smiled a small smile yet again before he raised his eyebrows meaningfully. Spike frowned, questioningly, and followed the vampire's movements as he once more began to walk away, the darkness of the grove swallowing him and the second he disappeared a new form moved out of the shadows.  
  
"Buffy," Spike practically whispered.  
  
***  
  
One hour earlier.  
  
Buffy stood indecisive of what to do.  
  
Why was it that when she really wanted him to be there, he wasn't. And when she absolutely needed him away from her, he was practically leashed to her back? Well, she supposed there hadn't been much of the not-wanting-him-near lately... but still.  
  
She just had a tiny feeling creeping down her spine of what this was actually doing to him, what he was doing to himself by distorting the whole situation into something that it really was not!  
  
"I have to find him," she grumbled, swirling around and rushing back out through the door.  
  
Okay, logically, where would he be?  
  
Ten minutes later she threw open the door to Willy's and stepped inside. Three demons were seated along the bar, another five scattered amongst the tables; their heads all turned as they could sense her presence. They looked away in their own time as she fearlessly walked through the room.  
  
He wasn't there, but she couldn't simply leave, that would do nothing but create questions that would in turn surely stir up some idle gossip and that was the last thing she needed. No, she had to state a case and so she strode up to the owner of the joint and leaned against the counter as she said:  
  
"I need information."  
  
Willy gave her one of his more nervous glances and then he shook his head.  
  
"I-I don't want any part of that no more, Slayer," he replied, taking to glancing about the room before clearing his throat and picking up a dirty piece of cloth, beginning to clean the already immaculate bar counter and scooting her arms off it.  
  
She straightened her back and gave him a look.  
  
"I'm real serious here," Willy more or less whispered, leaning forward a little. "There's a rumor going around that snitches go in ditches, and I ain't planning on taking a vacation there quite yet. In a real long time, in fact," he added, rather conspiratorially and Buffy eyed him at that.  
  
"Adam," she muttered and Willy's eyes widened before he began fidgeting with the cloth once more.  
  
"You go 'bout your business," he encouraged. "And take it far away from here. Okay?"  
  
She sighed, then nodded.  
  
"Fine," she murmured, turning and leaving the way she had entered.  
  
She decided to head to the mansion where he had stayed with Angel and Drusilla, and maybe that old factory deserved a stop as well... But first - the Bronze.  
  
She was about to take the back door into the club when a voice made her stop and turn back around.  
  
"Hey," Riley said silently.  
  
"Hey," she replied.  
  
The quiet settled uncomfortably between them and she hesitated before she grumbled:  
  
"A friend of mine was taken... a few nights ago. By YOUR men... They were gonna hurt him and we had to break him outta there... I just... Where were you? You said that you'd be there if I needed you 'cause we have a common goal in this fight, but..."  
  
"I was sent out on a mission," he cut her off gently. "I heard about what happened. I'm sorry, it never should've..."  
  
"But it did."  
  
"Yeah..." he trailed off, looking at her. Then he drew a small breath and said: "I've been offered another of those... Away from here. I'd have to leave Sunnydale, probably for good."  
  
She stared at him. This was sudden.  
  
"What do you mean?" she inquired, completely stumped and he took a step forward as he repeated:  
  
"I've been offered a mission with a special op's force. It'll take me out of Sunnydale, probably even the States... indefinitely."  
  
She frowned, still not registering and he took another step forward, stopping right in front of her and saying:  
  
"I'm gonna accept it... Unless... you can give me a reason to stay."  
  
She blinked, his words finally reaching her and she realized that he was saying he was going to leave. Leave to not return. If she didn't tell him that there was a chance. For them.  
  
She found herself eyeing him. Looking at his face, by now familiar. Into his eyes, in search of what to say. She didn't have to look for very long. She smiled a small smile and he returned it tentatively as she stepped the last pace separating them and then wrapped her arms around his neck.  
  
He closed his eyes and held her back, but they opened again as she said:  
  
"I hope you'll be happy. Whatever happens."  
  
He looked down at her as she stepped out of the embrace and gave him a look of both regret and appreciation.  
  
"Take care of yourself," she then added and he swallowed.  
  
He hadn't actually expected this. Saying good-bye had for some reason not been in the plan, but he also came to understand that he wasn't surprised, not deep down.  
  
"You take care of yourself, too," he agreed and she smiled again. "Alright, so... I'm going then," he mumbled, hesitating for one moment as he let his eyes rest in hers, and then he turned and began to walk away.  
  
She looked at his back for a few seconds before she grabbed the handle of the door she had been about to open when Riley had interrupted her. Stepping inside the music hit her and as she walked into the club she could already tell that who she was looking for wasn't there. Sighing she trotted toward the front entrance and back out onto the streets.  
  
When had it begun? she wondered. When did it all really begin? In the basement he had said that he had wanted her from that first moment that he saw her... But she hadn't wanted HIM from the first moment she saw HIM, had she?  
  
She stopped, turning her head to the side and finding herself looking into the alley where that first meeting had occurred. She swallowed, then couldn't help but smile a little to herself.  
  
Okay, so it had been his attitude that got to her that night. The arrogance, the strength, the complete lack of fear and that dangerous gleam in his azure blues that let her know exactly how serious he was in his statement. He wasn't only GOING to kill her, he actually KNEW that he could pull it off.  
  
How many times hadn't he come close? If her mom hadn't intervened that very Saturday he WOULD have done what he so boldly had proclaimed that he would. And there were other times... She wondered what had stopped him. She wondered how long he had felt something more...  
  
He was a complex being, that was for sure, and she might never fully know him. But she knew now that there was something good to the bad and he showed it to her so without restraints that she had to let it charm her, had to let it in. Looking back she had to marvel at it, though. A year ago, or two years, she wouldn't have thought a creature so cold, so merciless and clearly in so lack of respect of anything could harbor actual gentleness, could have such a tender way of looking at her - often when he thought she couldn't see.  
  
Spike. He had taught her something about life. Never say never. Life will merely turn around and bite you in the butt for even thinking you could know better.  
  
Wow. Spike. Really?  
  
Yes. Really.  
  
She broke down the, with boards, nailed over doors of the mansion and stepped inside. It was as it had always been and suddenly she was brought back to the time after Angel's return from his own, personal hell dimension. How she had loved him, cared for him, and what a torture it had been not to be able to be close to him. Seeing him again now, seeing him in the same room as Spike, had made it clear to her that Angel was her past. No matter what happened with Spike. Angel would always be one of her closest, she had no doubt in that. He knew her inside out. She loved him so much, but she didn't think she was IN love with him anymore.  
  
She glanced around at the large fire place, at the tattered old couch still standing before it, and then she smiled for a second time.  
  
She had said good-bye to him right there, right below the mantle, and then she had placed the ring he had given her there as some sort of symbol to herself that he was gone, and that she had to move on.  
  
She walked up to the spot and kneeled by it.  
  
Spike... She prayed she would never have to go through what killing Angel had done to her ever again; wished with everything in her that she would never have to bear the pain of watching the one she loved being torn from her without her being able to stop it...  
  
Spike...  
  
Stroking her hand over the rough stone surface she closed her eyes and suddenly she had the most overwhelming feeling. She opened her eyes, looked down at the place her hand had graced with its touch, and then she rose. Turning around she ran out of the mansion and didn't stop as she set her feet on the course of the hills beyond the city.  
  
She knew where he was.  
  
Finally slowing down as she entered the first large grove she took a steadying breath and kept walking.  
  
What was she going to say to him?  
  
She supposed it all depended on what he would say to her.  
  
She walked for another five minutes and then she could see the trees up ahead clearing, as well as the growing glitter of city lights from afar. She stepped onto the soft, tall grass covering the slope beyond the last grove and immediately her eyes rested in his. Her heart skipped a beat as she looked at him.  
  
All of it was madness. All of what she was feeling was insanity. But it seemed she had let it all slide since the first caress from him, and it seemed she had stopped really caring ever since he first told her that he loved her.  
  
Approaching him slowly she could hear but one thing.  
  
His voice as it softly whispered her name.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Oh, wowie. I really do love hearing from you guys. You are the sunshine through the clouds! This is the best, best, best part of my day and I can never fully explain how grateful I am to you for it! What I can say is - thank you. Bunches. So much!  
  
Special and waaaarm thanks to wolf116 (thanks a lot for that, I mean the vote of confidence is really great! ;) I'd love to give the remaining seasons a go, but I simply haven't the time for it. *smile* Great that you liked the chapter!) :), Erica (hey, got the laptop figured out. Turned out it was actually my own twisted doings! *grin* Glad you liked the chapter!) ;), LizDarcy (hehe, *smiling widely here*, real happy you enjoyed that chap, girl!) :), Maribel (hey, girl. Soon enough? Hope so! Thanks for the positive comment!) :), Carol (yeah, sorry 'bout the lack of fists and feet, just wanted to go that way with it, you know? :) Hope this chapter was no disappointment! And good to hear about the other site!) :), qattaca (ohhh! Did this atleast re-create that puddle of yours? Any hope at all there? *grin*) ;), Captain (*Smile* We'll see.) :), misus_spike (OMG! Thank you! *smile* Really, honestly, thanks a LOT, that's so great to read! Wow! I really know what you mean about hating S4 though, I really feel a bad taste in my mouth watching Riley and Buffy hook up. Yuk! Guess this story is some sorta therapy for me, huh? *grin* A lotta great comments from you both on the story and my writing and I bow my head to thee. Thanks a lot! And, well, here WAS another chapter and I do hope you enjoyed it as much!) ;), Andi (hehe, yeah, silly ME! The prob was caused by my fingers and not his paws. Good, eh? Great that you liked and approved!!!) :), vuks (haha, you porr thing. I can't say I don't know what you're going through though! Ohhh, goose bumps from that flattery. Glad I managed to peg Angel right. Hehe, me like cliffhangers too! ;) Ohhh, member of honor, huh? Yeah, well, no pesky "real" boyfriends in sight for me. So I'll just stick with my bot and be all the better off. ;) And on to the next review. :) Hon, I ain't English. tho that saying was not familiar to me. :) And also *grin* to that thought. Hehe. Oh, girl, I'll try to drag it out for you, for me, for all, okay? *smile* I hate to see this end just as much as you! Thanks a lot for the two reviews!) :), Leanne (hey, girl. 'S okay. Great that you take the time to, as vuks above, write feedback for both chapters. Greatly appreciated! You're the first one to even comment on the Willow/Spike interaction, which sorta surprised me. I'm glad you liked it! Yeah, of course I had to bring Peaches into the scenario. ;) Hehe. Again, happy you approve! And moving onto the next chapter. ;) Oh, thanks a lot for that comment, it's great that you like the Spike/Angel interaction! And thanks a lot for the "currant" comment, it's been taken care of! Appreciate that. 'Course it wasn't THAT far off in this context, was it? I mean, what does Spike do if not spice up her life, huh? *grin*) ;) and Caitee (thanks a lot! I'm glad you liked it!!! I haven't seen the season yet so I can only cross fingers that I'll love it as much as the rest of the show. I'm sure I'll bawl my eyes out at the end of it though. Just thinking about it makes me feel all depressed and teary-eyed!) ;) -  
  
To ALL, as always, HUGE thank yous for taking the time to write me your thoughts and feelings about this fic! It means a lot to me to read what you think and I'm so happy for every last review!  
  
Hope you liked this chapter as well!!!  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	42. Come UnDone

*********************************TRAppED******************************  
  
Forty-Two: Come Un-done  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-06-26  
  
************************************************************************  
  
Day Thirty-Six.  
  
10.35 p.m.  
  
He was still on his knees as she came to a slow stop before him. Looking up at her he seemed as the worshipper before his shrine, in frail prayer for a sign that he was not there in vain.  
  
She met his gaze for the longest stretch of minutes, her heart beating hard in her chest as though to let her know that she was still alive, in spite of her already feeling as though she was floating somewhere out of herself; and then he broke eye contact, turning himself over to his right to sit down in the manner he had been seated before Angel interrupted his musings.  
  
Buffy swallowed; observing him for a moment and then she carefully claimed a spot beside him.  
  
"It's hard to believe the things that live down there," she finally broke the stillness residing between them, referring to the what lie spilled out and twinkling in the dark night before them; and though he didn't look at her, he nodded. "It looks so beautiful from up here... You couldn't imagine all the... death."  
  
Once again there was quiet and she had to clench her teeth together to keep herself from turning her head to him; she had the most overwhelming notion that if she did she would burst into weak, girlish tears, and that when he asked her why she was crying them she wouldn't have a good enough answer to give him. She kept her gaze on those city lights, on that veil of beauty that lie over cruelty and pain, over loss and grief, over that cycle of life taking place on the streets far below.  
  
"I met this man," he suddenly said and she blinked in un-called for surprise at the soft sound of his voice breaking through her thoughts; and she did turn her head to look at his profile as he continued to speak, but she didn't cry as she listened to his story. "I met him on the road from Venice to Rome and he was driving a carriage drawn by two really old and dusty, from the dirt of the road, I 'spose, donkeys. They were grey, I remember... with white patches around their noses. Dru was just getting sickly 'round that time and I didn't know what to do... I asked him for a ride thinking he'd make a good enough meal for the both of us - the donkeys would suffice as well... and he smiled. I remember that smile 'til this day. So open, somehow. Like it wanted to tell me how welcome I was to just sodding step right into his world, you know?"  
  
She nodded slowly, twisting herself a little where she sat so that she could eye him without straining her back. He was still faced forward as he continued:  
  
"On the back of the carriage he had two barrels - wine, I'd come to find out - and three bales of hay. He told me I should put Dru on the latter ones, and I did... She kept murmuring my name, but my human one... William, William... Over and over. It was driving me clear outta my bloody head 'cause then she'd suddenly open her eyes and when she looked at me she whispered 'Spike' instead... I don't know why. I never asked her why. So, the man offered me to sit next to him up front and I thought why the hell not, it'll make everything easier. Save me the surprise-from-behind approach. So I jumped up and sat down in the driver's seat beside him. It was really hard, made of two old boards. He told me - later on - that he hadn't the heart to pluck them down and replace them with something more comfortable 'cause his son had made that seat for him; his eldest, he said. And he had moved away to another country with his bride and they hadn't seen each other in eleven years... That really got to me, for some reason.  
  
"Anyways, Dru fell asleep, and I praised my lucky star for it, and I was trying my best to figure a way that I could attack without setting the donkeys off in a fright - carriage and all, when the man turned to me and said that I didn't look Italian. And I really had to buggering smirk at that. And then I answered that I was Englishman and he raised his eyebrows, then chuckled before asking me what I was doing so far away from home... And then he glanced over at Dru before asking me if she was my wife. I told him she was without a second thought and he nodded that that was a good thing. But that I shouldn't be travelling with her if she was taking ill. I replied that I might have just the cure for her, getting ready to make my move when he asked me if I thought the seat was comfortable and then he told me about his son. He looked at me for a little while after that; he had brown eyes, almost black... They were keen... friendly... observant. Then he asked me if I was running from something, 'cause that was what his son had been forced to do."  
  
Spike paused, looking at his hands for a few moments before he raised his eyes to the sky. The memories seemed to have gotten the better of him and Buffy watched him as she herself grew thoughtful, as well as curious to know what the point of this tale was.  
  
Finally he began to speak once more.  
  
"I told him that in a way I was... running away. I didn't tell him that what I was trying to escape was who I once had been... We talked for hours after that. About simple things, grand things, it didn't matter. He told me about his life and I fabricated the life I thought he'd want me to tell him about... But the interesting conversations were about philosophy, art, the world and the people in it... We drank from the wine, he shared it willingly... He read a lot, he confided. He even wrote gibberish in an old notebook that he carried around with him and I smiled and showed him mine, which made him smile as well. We thought alike, mortal and living dead. Soul and demon. That night was the first night in a very long time... well, actually since Dru and me parted with Angel about ten years or so earlier, that I felt truly at peace. Like there was something right in the world..."  
  
He trailed off, and when he this time fell silent for several minutes Buffy couldn't take it, she had to ask:  
  
"And the moral of this story is?"  
  
"For a night this man made me FEEL like a man for the first time in thirty- two years. But that didn't stop me from killing him. That didn't stop me from having Drusilla bloody drain him. That didn't make me think two seconds about whether or not I should kill his two much beloved pet beasts of burden. I killed them, all three of them, Buffy. With no bleeding remorse..."  
  
She stared at him and he turned his head to rest his eyes in hers. She was evidently shaken, and he sighed.  
  
"The moral of this story is that you can't trust me. I'm not good for you, love. In the end, who knows, I just might end up being something that I've been for a hundred-and-twenty-three years, without being able to stop myself," he grumbled, looking away from her and she furrowed her brow slightly before she reached out a hand and placed it gently on his arm.  
  
"If I believed that, I wouldn't be sitting here," she said and he glanced at her. "Spike... Do YOU believe that? Really?"  
  
"I don't bloody know," he muttered, shaking her hand off and rising to his feet. "YOU don't know me," he added and she raised her eyebrows.  
  
"I want to..." she mumbled and he shook his head.  
  
"I don't think so," he disagreed. "My story isn't something I could tell around bedtime, it wouldn't give you any sweet dreams... it wouldn't make you hold me in sodding high regard. I'm a monster, Buffy. How could you ever...?"  
  
He trailed off, his expression growing tight and she looked up at him before she got to her feet as well.  
  
"What did Angel say to you?" she asked and he ground his teeth, then shrugged.  
  
"Nothing that I hadn't already thought of myself," he then replied and she took a step forward.  
  
He took one back and then raised one hand slightly, as if to fend her off, keep her back.  
  
"Don't," he said. "Please..." She furrowed her brow. "I need to be alone for just... a few... a little while," he mumbled, his eyes suddenly bare and vulnerable.  
  
She met them, seeing the underlying seriousness, and she suddenly realized what he was trying to do.  
  
"No," she replied, taking another step forward, stopping right before him and he looked down at her with growing frailty before he put one hand up and let his fingertips stroke her left cheek.  
  
"I could never hurt you," he nearly whispered and she shook her head, reaching up one hand and taking his.  
  
"Then don't go anywhere," she then said and he closed his eyes, leaning forward slightly he rested his forehead against hers and she closed her eyes as well.  
  
She wrapped her arms around his neck and moved her face to the side of his throat and he cautiously held her back, burying his nose in her soft locks and breathing her scent as a human would breathe the air.  
  
No, he could never leave her. He could never walk away.  
  
They stood embraced for a long time and then they slowly pulled apart, looking at each other and both soon smiling a little. Buffy turned and sunk down on the grass again, Spike not late to follow her lead and they once again found themselves gazing at the view of Sunnydale.  
  
"What did the man write?" she suddenly asked and he turned his head to her, raising his eyebrows questioningly. "In his 'notebook'," she elaborated and Spike looked away, beginning to fiddle with the straws of grass beneath him with his right hand as he answered in a not so uneasy voice:  
  
"Poetry, if I remember correctly."  
  
She frowned deeply this time as she studied him for a short while, then she asked the inevitable, and he had to wonder what had EVER possessed him to actually mention something so personal, had he really thought that she wouldn't fit the pieces together?  
  
"So what did you write in yours?"  
  
"Mine...?" he tried the oblivious road, but it took him nowhere as she merely gave him a look not to play coy. He grumbled under his breath, then said: "Short stories... a lot of those, actually. But mostly... Bloody hell."  
  
She smiled brightly at his discomfort and he gave her a murderous look, which only lead to the former broadening further.  
  
"You're a poet?" she then inquired, trying to keep the tease out of her voice, but this discovery was simply too unbelievable for her brain to fully process as it was, having it be completely serious would make it not short of impossible.  
  
"Shut your gob," he growled and she smirked.  
  
"Sorry," she said, stripping her face of any sign of merriment and clearing her throat.  
  
Looking away from him she couldn't keep a tiny smile off her mouth and he saw it as he watched her profile. He couldn't do anything but mirror it as he thought of what a shock this must have been to her.  
  
"I WAS a poet," he then confessed and she turned her head back to him, clearly interested and very curious, and so he continued: "When I was human. I was a sodding pathetic excuse for one, though. Poet, I mean... But I perfected my skill," he shrugged and she looked hesitant before she asked:  
  
"Can I read it? I mean, some of it...?"  
  
"I've burned most of it," he replied, not meeting her gaze now and she didn't know whether to push further on the subject, or simply let it lie.  
  
She chose the latter.  
  
"Spike," she then said, voice low and he nodded, not looking at her. "If I was sick... dying," she continued and at that his head swirled to her, his eyes widening with questions and she shook her head calmingly. "I'm not," she reassured. "But if I was... Would you turn me?"  
  
He blinked.  
  
"Not even if you begged me," he murmured and something dark drew across his features which had her furrow her brow again.  
  
She wasn't entirely sure from where the question had emerged. But once she asked it she had known that it had been in the back of her mind for a while now. Where he would stand if his bite wouldn't kill, but bring another sort of life to her... If he would lose her if he did not use the gift that was his to give.  
  
She hadn't been expecting anything but the truth, whatever that may be, and she had obviously gotten it. It was a relief, but she got the feeling there was more to it. That look on his face, in his eyes... He looked positively heartbroken.  
  
"Why?" she wondered as a response to his previous statement and he was quiet for such a long time she grew uncertain if he had heard her or not.  
  
Then he spoke.  
  
"Because of my mother," he said, voice coarse and she stared at him. "She was sick... when I got turned. I went to my house... I went there to save her. To make it so that she'd be with me forever. But after I'd..." He paused, and Buffy felt herself grieving with him as she could read his face and its display of emotions. "She wasn't my mother anymore," he murmured. "So I killed her all over again."  
  
Buffy didn't know what to say, then thought it best to stay quiet and instead she reached out a hand and locked her fingers with his. As he turned his eyes in hers she tried to look as supportive as she could and his gaze softened, which made her feel a pulse of happiness that she had succeeded.  
  
Then she got herself moving and crawled so that she could ease herself in between his legs and rest her back against his chest. He hugged her and then moved backwards, taking her with him, as he made it so that he could rest his back against the trunk of a thin tree a few feet behind. Once that was done he kissed her tenderly on top of her head and she closed her eyes, relaxing fully as the sense of him enveloped her.  
  
It was tentative, but strong, as it filled her and she drew a deep breath of his scent.  
  
She could fall asleep here. She could fall asleep and dream sweet dreams in his arms for the rest of her life. It didn't matter to her anymore who he had been, because in this moment she was so sure of who he was.  
  
"I'm falling in love with you," she whispered and she could feel his abs tighten as he stiffened.  
  
She opened her eyes and had the most incredible rush of adrenaline pour through her as she understood that what she had just said would change everything. She had taken a step, and there was no way she could go back. Not ever. The dice was tossed and there was no telling what the outcome would be. But then, she had always been in this - with him - on a win or lose basis and so this wasn't very different, was it? No. But she had just raised the stakes to the sky.  
  
Turning herself around she met his gaze and held it. He stared at her now, quizzical and disbelieving.  
  
She smiled at the sight, her heart pounding furiously in her chest, but this time she didn't need it to tell her that she was alive - she had never had that feeling so strong within her ever before, as she had it in that very moment. She pulled herself up and put her face before his as she repeated:  
  
"I'm falling in love with you."  
  
He kept on staring and then his eyes had a familiar warmth gently flow into them before he asked silently:  
  
"How do we fix that, then?"  
  
Her smile broadened.  
  
"We'll just have to wait it out," she mumbled. "But I think it just might take a long, long time."  
  
"Ah, a fair warning?"  
  
She giggled, then nodded.  
  
Moving her head forward she kissed him softly, enjoying the feel of his lips against hers, and then she ended it in the same fashion before she turned around and lay back down in her previous position.  
  
"We could find a spell," Spike said and she raised her eyebrows, though he couldn't see it, in wait for him to spin further on this solution. He did. "A time-spell, so that we could go back to the time before we got trapped and somehow bleeding prevent it from ever happening. Then we wouldn't be sitting here, we wouldn't be starting to depend on each other... we wouldn't be falling into anything and everything 'd be the way it always was... None of this would've ever had to have happened. We could do that," he finished and she smiled contentedly before reaching out a hand and for the second time entwining their fingers.  
  
Then she said:  
  
"Yeah... we could do that."  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Aw! Thanks a lot for SO great feedback on the previous chapter. I'm so happy you enjoyed it! I do love getting into their heads a bit from time to time as well. Mush-mush. ;) I'm glad that you think I do that well. :) It means a lot to read that, you know that!!!  
  
Special, flowery and Spike-wrapped-in-a-bow-y thanks to Wiccan Princess, Erica, LizDarcy, wolf116, maribel, qattaca, Rachel, VampiresKiss, Alyssa, Leanne, Mel (for both, girl!), Andi, Spuffylover and vuks - thank you!!! You rock my world, you know you do! ;)  
  
Now for some sad news. I'm working all day tomorrow and on Sunday I'm leaving for six days vacation which means I won't be able to post anything new until the 6th of July. IF I get the chance to do some writing where I'm going, since I'll be with ma friends and family. ;) Anyways, I'll try my very best for you AND for myself 'cause I DO wanna have that chance to write a bit as well. Hehe. Neways, take care 'til then and again, thanks to all of you who voted for this story at SpuffyAwards! That's REALLY great of you!  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	43. Belief and a SideOrder of Something Good

*********************************TRAppED********************************  
  
Forty-Three: Belief and a Side-Order of Something Good  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-07-03  
  
*************************************************************************  
  
Day Thirty-Six.  
  
11.58 p.m.  
  
They walked slowly back to his crypt. They were silent because both of them thought they had too much to say to the other and they weren't exactly sure of how to get it all out, how to begin. They were comfortable in the quiet though, and they kept stealing glances at the other; sometimes their eyes would meet and neither would be able to hold back the small smile immediately rising before they looked away from each other again.  
  
Buffy wanted to hold his hand, wanted to walk close to him and not have to pretend anymore. But she knew that that was impossible, Adam's spies would surely be out and if they saw them...  
  
She decided not to think about that anymore. They would get Adam, they would box him in, and they would stop him. Right now, this moment, with Spike, was too important to brush off simply because they couldn't risk a smile or two... a friendly look... a brush up of ones arm against the others. She loved the stillness. And falling for him, for his seeking and knowing gazes, and his warm and open smile, for his passionate and demanding kisses and the way he made her feel whenever he was close to her... strong, cared for and safe - it was easy. It was the easiest thing she had ever done, now that the words had been uttered and she had to realize that it was too much to hold back.  
  
Spike looked at her and his whole body ached with something it hadn't truly been under for such a long time that it had - that HE had - forgotten what it felt like: actual and real happiness. That was why he kept looking away from her, because the feeling was overwhelming. And because if he kept his eyes on her when their gazes locked - and she didn't look away either - he would say to hell with all that had to do with Adam, and he would pull her to him and walk with his arm proudly wrapped around her for the rest of the road they still had up ahead of them.  
  
He loved her, so terribly much, and she was beginning to feel the same. This woman, so full of life and grace and goodness, was falling in love with him. He had hoped; and he had needed to believe, but had he ever dared to? He didn't think so. If he really had then this feeling within him wouldn't be so unfamiliar, so new. Glancing at her again he felt his heart do an odd jump in his chest, he shivered from the sensation as he looked at her for as long as he dared before once more turning his eyes forward.  
  
The crypt crept into view and Buffy felt one side of her wanting to rush forward and finally have walls around them, and his arms around her; but then another part wanted to slow down their steps even further. A gnawing worry was taking a seat at the nape of her neck and the chills it sent out weren't pleasant. She drew a small breath. There were so many what ifs still left to solve, so many left that simply couldn't BE solved. They frightened her a lot more than the deadly threats she faced every night.  
  
To need him...  
  
He was everything that she should loathe and despise; he stood for everything that was wrong in her world; although she found herself having to smile at that thought. Because the truth was: it didn't apply anymore. He HAD been those things, but now... he was so much more. And she knew that she had been granted the chance to see him in a different light. In an entirely different light. And she could see it reflecting in his gaze whenever he looked at her now.  
  
He loved her, and she was beginning to return those emotions in a way she never would have dreamed that she would. That she could! But whenever she looked at him her heart leaped and she needed to smile and that was undeniable. God, he made her feel so good.  
  
They both came to a stop before the doors of his home and they exchanged another look, bidding each other to take the first step. They stood there for nearly ten seconds of growing impatience and then they both smiled sheepishly.  
  
Spike gave a small shrug before he walked the few paces and opened the door for her. Her smile widened just a tad as she followed in his footsteps and proceeded through the doorframe. She walked through the small hall and through the second door, listening to him now following her and as he closed the latter she turned to him.  
  
He tilted his head slightly to one side, eyeing her in the quietness, and she let another smile grow onto her lips before she took the steps dividing them and stopped right in front of him. She paused, holding his gaze, and then she carefully slid her fingertips up the fabric of his T and under the hems of his duster. Making it glide down from his shoulders and to the floor in a heap, the shirt he had been wearing going with it.  
  
He was staring at her, the warmth in his eyes being reflected in hers as his hands began to unbutton her jacket. It went the same way his duster had and he slipped his fingers under her sweater, sliding his hands over her stomach and she closed her eyes, lifting her arms up so that he could get the sweater off her.  
  
She gently got his T off him in the same manner and then she stepped into him, placing a tender kiss against the place of his heart right before his arms locked tight around her and she moved hers up to link them behind his neck. Resting her forehead at the side of his throat she felt how all the tension began to subside.  
  
He brushed his cheek against hers and she tilted her head back, meeting his gaze before closing her eyes again as his mouth locked with hers and the kiss deepened languorously. She moaned softly and cautiously pressed herself closer to him.  
  
They got the rest of their clothes off as lazily as the former ones and their kisses joined with Buffy's breathing was the only thing erupting the silence keeping reign around them. They wouldn't have had it any other way and when they finally sunk down on their improviser of a bed they were more one being than ever before. Their movements dragged out and yet hungry as they explored the familiarity of the other.  
  
Spike entered her, filled her.  
  
Their eyes locked and refused to leave the others as they began to make love.  
  
***  
  
Day Thirty-Seven.  
  
4.34 a.m.  
  
"And then what?" she asked, voice low as she rested her chin against his shoulder, her right hand placed on his stomach and her fingertips making little circles without her mind really having anything to do with it.  
  
She had been engaged in eager listening for the past two and a half hours, to the story of him.  
  
"Well, Dru was weaker than ever before and I knew the cure was to be found here, so I threw her into the DeSoto and brought her where I knew she'd heal... Bleeding terrific idea, wouldn't you agree? Brought me here, brought me to you..." Spike smiled a little at the memory. "Brought me to change my whole bloody existence," he then finished. "Had I known, I never would've sodding come," he sighed and she smirked, giving him a small push with one arm before directing her eyes up at him.  
  
"So, if you'd known this would happen you'd have chosen eternity with Drusilla?" she then asked and he raised his eyebrows as he moved his head to be able to meet her gaze.  
  
"Don't tell me you feel threatened by that old bird," he murmured and Buffy smiled again, pulling herself up so that she could rest her head in her left hand, supported on her elbow, before she replied meaningfully:  
  
"You didn't like me seeing Angel, did you?"  
  
"Pet, Dru is something completely different," Spike disagreed and now it was Buffy's turn to raise her eyebrows. "When I was with Dru... I felt twice as lethal. She made me feel invincible. Strong, dangerous. She fed me her crazed fantasies and sooner than later I believed in them 'cause I bloody believed in HER. It made everything easier... Guess you could say, where Angel was kinda my mentor, Drusilla was my guiding star, my influence... my lack of conscience," he grumbled the last part and Buffy slid one hand in a comforting gesture down the side of his cheek, making him turn his gaze back in hers. "But up until now I've never known love. I've never felt it the way I feel whenever I'm near you... You make me wanna be a better man, Buffy."  
  
She blinked, his words clearly getting to her and he smiled a little again, reaching up a hand and placing it by her cheek.  
  
"I've never regretted any of the things I've done," he said, voice gentle but with a trace of bitterness in it, and sorrow. "I was glad that I did them 'cause God knows I would've died of boredom in London if I'd been forced to live my life that way. I had something in me that had to be freed, and Dru let it out of its cage. I loved the thrill... And that was enough for me. Now... I can't go back. And I dunno where I'm headed if I can't be what I'm made to be. I'm at a loss, Slayer."  
  
"No," she then said, shaking her head. "Not at a loss at all," she added, moving her hand to the one of his still on her cheek and then making it so that their fingers entwined. "You have me," she stated and his eyes lit up in that extraordinary way again. "And now you have ME to believe in YOU," she said firmly. "'Cause I do," she mumbled at the taken expression on his face. "I believe in you," she then finished with more feeling and the pause that followed seemed to make the air thicken before she leaned forward and kissed him tenderly.  
  
He returned it, his hand squeezing hers, and when she pulled back he looked almost confused before he shook his head.  
  
"I don't understand how this can be happening," he said and she smiled at that, then grew serious as he added: "Angel told me he doesn't think I deserve you... And he's right. What did I ever do to deserve this?"  
  
Buffy carefully loosened her fingers from his and then slid her hand up his chest to the place graced with a kiss earlier, then she answered him.  
  
"You opened yourself up."  
  
He looked at her for a few moments, almost in awe and with his love for her so clear in his eyes that she could feel it drill through her skin.  
  
"Come here," he then murmured, pulling her to him and holding her in a tight embrace, her arms going around him as well.  
  
"I want to hear more," she whispered and he smirked.  
  
"Haven't I done enough of the talking for one night?" he inquired and she smiled as well. "I'd bloody well say so," he added before giving her shoulders an encouraging squeeze. "Your turn."  
  
She blinked, then giggled.  
  
"Well, first of all, before I was a Slayer I was a very normal girl," she said, drifting into memories of her childhood and she began to tell them to him.  
  
She wasn't sure how to best reveal to him what kind of person she had been in Los Angeles before she found out who she actually was. Before she knew what she was... She had been such a careless, naïve little girl back then. Popular to boot, sure. With a posse of friends. She had been her old schools Cordelia, all be it perhaps not quiet as vile as Cordy had been to her. Well, fifteen year old Buffy Anne Summers hadn't had too many things on her mind except for boys, shoes, boys, those cute little bags with fluffy pink feathers on them, boys and how best to be elected homecoming queen. Steven Adler had been her dream date back then. A jock, her version one-point-five on the Richter scale of dead-sexy.  
  
She giggled.  
  
"I guess you can imagine who my version is today," she then said, the cheerfulness in her voice made him laugh as well, meeting her lips as she had pulled up to give him a deep kiss and he enjoyed it for the while it lasted before she placed herself in her previous position and continued with her story.  
  
She told him about her first slay. How her instincts had slowly taken over and how shocked she had been. How long it had taken her to fully accept her destiny and how she then had had to cover it up from her parents. How they had split up after she burned down her high school gymnasium, which had been filled with vampires, and how her mother had decided that they should get out of L.A and move to this adorable and quiet town a few hours from the big city. Sunnydale.  
  
"Of course, my first few days here told me exactly what kind of place this was," she said. "I had Slayer tingles down my back everywhere I went and once I began to dig into a series of inexplicable murders - caused by two odd looking puncture wounds on the victims throat as well as massive blood loss - well, then I met Giles and Xander and Willow and everything rolled on from there."  
  
"So, which moment has been the hardest so far, as the Slayer?" he asked and she grew thoughtful.  
  
"I think I'd have to go with feeding you your icky blood," she finally stated and he heard the playfulness in her voice, which made him tip her over and begin to tickle her fiercely.  
  
She was screaming for mercy before he stopped and she was still laughing softly to herself as she sat up and then gave him a friendly glare. He moved one arm and slid his hand up her back, then down again before moving it to her waist and making her lie down next to him.  
  
They looked up at the ceiling, and then Buffy said:  
  
"One of the absolutely hardest parts about being the Slayer is having to see my friends get hurt. I mean, I know they wanna help me. I know they NEED to help me, and I'd be the same way... But every time one of them gets abducted or nearly drained or threatened by giant bugs or nearly sliced and diced I just can't help but think that it's partially my fault for getting them into that situation."  
  
Spike was quiet for a short while and then he replied:  
  
"But that's stupid. It's not your fault any bloody way you look at it, love. Do you think evil would rest if you didn't exist? There has to be good fighting evil, otherwise there's... nothing. What I'm trying to say is that even if you hadn't ever come to Sunnydale your friends 'd be in as much trouble. MORE, even. And how many times haven't you SAVED them? They'd probably BE abducted and drained and sliced and diced if you weren't here. I dunno 'bout the giant bugs thing, though," he finished and she smiled at his last input before she sighed.  
  
"I suppose you're right," she muttered. "But it's still hard, you know?"  
  
"Yeah," he grumbled, turning his head to look at her.  
  
"You were right, though," she suddenly mumbled silently, eyes still on the ceiling. "In the end I'll be fighting alone - to protect them."  
  
His arms glided around her as he moved to lie on his side, kissing the one of her shoulders closest to him before he murmured:  
  
"I won't ever let you stand alone."  
  
"Promise?" she asked, turning her head so that the tips of their noses touched and he smiled as he nodded a little. "In a way," she added, looking back at him as she continued: "you're really a blessing." He raised his eyebrows questioningly and she smiled, finishing: "I don't think anyone's ever understood me better than you do. Of course, that was one of the worst sides to you when we were sworn enemies and all... that you kept crashing into my life making all these observations about it when you weren't even an eligible part of it!"  
  
He laughed at that.  
  
"I'm so glad I was able to make you at least a bit uncomfortable," he then stated and she smirked, rolling him over so that she could straddle him and his eyes grew slightly as he looked up at her.  
  
"So how big is that bad in you?" she asked, leaning forward until their chests scraped together and he bit his lower lip as he met her gaze. "How badly does it wanna surface?" she demanded and he closed his eyes as she moved her hips back and over his already throbbing erection.  
  
"If you think you can sodding torture me into telling you anyth-..." he began, opening his eyes again and having the sentence cut short when he met her meaningful gaze as she rose to her knees and moved as though she was getting off of him.  
  
He grabbed her hips and pulled her back down to sit on his stomach and she smiled triumphantly.  
  
"I don't know," he answered her, practically growling, though he couldn't help but smirk at her pleased expression. "I don't know how hard I'd have to fight if the chip ever did come out..." He suddenly wavered and she furrowed her brow, about to ask him why he had gotten a look of remembering something on his face that had made her feel as though that something had to do with her when he continued: "All I can say is that I know I'd be able to control myself. And I wouldn't kill."  
  
He knew it was true. When she said what she had earlier, as she declared her belief in something better in him, all his will to go out and hunt had scattered. He knew he would never do anything to disappoint her. Not ever. And so...  
  
"There something I have to tell you," he said slowly, sitting up and making her move to the side of him as he faced her.  
  
She frowned, quizzical to the gravity on his features.  
  
"I've lied to you," he confessed and she felt like a rock began to build in the pit of her stomach.  
  
If it was allowed to keep growing she wasn't sure if she'd ever be able to move again. A thousand premonitions of the horrible things he could say was coursing through her head. That he had been toying with her, that his emotions weren't real and that now that she had actually made it clear that he had gotten her where he wanted her he could cut her loose, that Angel had been right and that now that she was down on her knees before the bleached blonde he had already lost interest in her.  
  
Spike could see how she was tensing up and he thought it best to get this over with as swiftly as possible.  
  
"When you asked me what Adam had said that he'd give to me in return for my favors, I lied when I said that he'd give me money," he admitted; and the hesitant and anxious look in his eyes showed his emotions in a way she had scarcely been able to read on him before as he continued: "He promised me he'd get the chip out... I dunno why I didn't wanna tell you. I really can't explain why I didn't just tell you... I just..." He trailed off, then his gaze grew earnest as he finished: "I'm sorry."  
  
She observed him, then she suddenly began to laugh.  
  
He stared at her, swallowed hard and decided to wait for the outcome of this outburst.  
  
She dried her tears nearly three minutes later, one hand clasping the aching spot of her stomach before she threw herself forward and wrapped her arms around him in a hard hug. He hugged her back, relieved but yet confused.  
  
"Apology accepted," she whispered in his ear before she pulled back to look at him, a tentative smile forming on his mouth as well.  
  
She was so relieved that she couldn't find words for it. He had lied, but now he had told her the truth and the fact that he had done that made it all the more obvious that she was right in trusting him.  
  
Her eyes suddenly grew slightly.  
  
That was the first time she had actually given voice to that thought in her head.  
  
She did trust him. Well, of course she trusted him... falling in love with him would otherwise be completely out of the picture. But... it must have snuck up on her because she had no idea when she had started doing so. At the rather wondering look on his face she smiled once more, warmly, and then she kissed him with everything that she felt inside in that moment.  
  
Suddenly there was the sound of something harshly throwing open the first door of the crypt and Buffy had barely enough time to grab a sheet and tumble down behind the sarcophagus before the second door flew open, and through it, filling the doorway with his shadow before taking the step inside, came Adam.  
  
Something told Spike that the look of pure fury on the formers face did not bode well.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Ohhh, I'm back! To a load of great reviews and I'm jumping with joy! Yay! Hehe. Thanks so much you guys! A LOT of you wrote me really long feedback this time and I hope you've forgiven me that I took my responses to them a few days later!  
  
Thanks to everyone who wished me a good time on my vacation, I did enjoy it very much!  
  
I'm SO SO glad that you keep enjoying and I hope I will be hearing from you once again! :) ;)  
  
Special and warm, warm thanks to Me (Thanks a lot for those comments! I'm so glad you think so!) :), LizDarcy (*grin* GREAT that you've found your favorite chapter! ;) Really happy you liked it, girl! And thanks, as said, I did enjoy my vacation.) :), maribel (aw, girl, thanks for that! I hope I was able to recharge!) ;), Mel (Well, what ya think? Happier...?) :), Alyssa (*smiles* I'm happyhappy and thanks for the wish of fun!) :), Renee' (hey! Great to see you back, I've missed ya! Too bad it didn't show but all the better that you found it again! I'm so glad you're still liking this and thanks for those wonderful comments! Your birthday is on the same date as the birthday of one of my closest friends! Cool. And happy b-day in advance! Thanks for taking the time, girl! Means a lot!) ;), Rachel (Hey! Glad that you approve of the Spike story. And about the friends finding out... ;) Thanks, girl!) :), vuks (no, no, no, no, I definitely would not make them go back and change everything. Great that you liked the Spike part! Oh, and thanks for that huge compliment. I'd HATE to be predictable! Also, woh, you're comparing me to reading Harry Potter? Wow. That's all I can say. Wow. And I did have a good time, thanks!) ;), Xio (Thanks for that! I'm thrilled you're sticking with it still. So happy you still enjoy! And thanks, I did have a great time!) ;), phyllis (OMG! Girl, thanks a lot for that truckload of reviews! I'm so happy that you seem pleased with every chapter and I can't tell you how great it was to read all of your comments! Thanks SO much for taking the time to review every chappy! And it's more than cool that you didn't wanna get spoiled! Thank you, thank you, thank you!) :), qattaca (LOVED it that you loved it! *smiles like mad* Thanks a lot for that uplifting review, oh, Great Lake! I think I won't go swimming in you, though... You understand. :) I'll enjoy the view though!) ;), Leanne (Another that liked the Spike part, that makes me REALLY happy! Thanks, girl.) :), Caitee (THANK YOU!) ;), Jen (thanks, girl!), Erica (Thank you and thank you. *smiles* Glad you liked and I did have a GREAT time.) :), Pine (Thanks a lot for the positivity, girl. So happy that you're still liking it and I simply love it that you liked the Spike story as well as the I'm falling in love with you line! Thanks a lot, girl.) :), AngelFlyer (Thanks a lot. It's always great to hear from new readers!) :), Katalina (I can repeat what I just wrote and say it's always so amazing to reach new people and learn of it! Thanks for reviewing and say hi to your cuz from me!) :) and spikesgilmore (have to mention I totally dig that word! And now I have to say that I am so happy you liked it that much! Awesome! And I feel like a good motto to keep in mind is give the readers what they want, but make them walk the road with you. ;) Well, you know, it's no fun just running down it without catching the scenery! I hope I'm succeeding and from your review I feel like I'm on the right track! Thanks a lot!) ;) - thank you ALL and here were the personals so I hope you've come back and read them!!!  
  
It's great to see new names up there, I noticed there were quite a few this time! Hope to see more of you and to all the regular junkies, hope this fix will last for at least a few days! *wink* ;)  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	44. The Final Decision

*********************************TRAppED*********************************  
  
Forty-Four: The Final Decision  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-07-08  
  
***************************************************************************  
  
Day Thirty-Seven.  
  
5.03 a.m.  
  
Spike snapped the remaining sheet up and around his waist as he got to his feet, meeting the demonoid who was coming storming into the crypt with his eyes glowing clear hatred. He glared at the vampire and then stopped short, not far from the armchair. The chest of the larger one was heaving with deep and angered breaths as he seemed to struggle to get a hold on himself.  
  
Spike stared at him, questioning and grateful that his heart was inapt to beat. He was sure it would have given Buffy and him away by now if it had been able.  
  
"You seem upset," he then remarked to the monster before him, keeping the growing tension out of his voice and putting on a trying smirk. "Or are you having a particularly bad day?" There was no answer and Spike gave a small shrug, securing the sheet by one hip and then walking passed the other and into the kitchen area to get some blood. "Can't say I'm surprised," he went on, bringing out a pitcher and smelling the contents before nodding approvingly and turning around to grab one of the cleaned glasses from the counter. Filling it he elaborated his previous statement with: "Dealing with the Slayer isn't exactly a walk in the park - but then again, I TOLD you that. Buggering bitch always sticks her head in where it doesn't belong..." Spike glanced over at the sarcophagus and couldn't hold back a smile as he put the pitcher down and walked back into the closer vicinity of Adam. "For some reason my plans have never panned out whenever I've been in this bleeding town," the former muttered, bringing the glass to his lips and then Adam suddenly let hear a loud growl before he took a step forward.  
  
Spike gulped against his better judgment, removing the glass and involuntarily recoiling.  
  
"I am not upset!" Adam exclaimed, his deep voice seemingly even deeper as he looked around the crypt with staring eyes. "I am... ENRAGED! She sent him away! She did it! He has left! The final phase of my plan is incomplete because of HER!"  
  
Spike lost every attempt at playing it cool when this revelation reached his ears, but the crazed Big Bad didn't even seem to notice it in the slightest as he began to pace with large and hard steps across the floor before the bleached blonde.  
  
Spike cocked an eyebrow, watching small pieces of the cement loosen.  
  
"Could you... stop that?" he then asked with a small point with one finger to the flooring's slow destruction. "I have to live here, you know?" he added as Adam paused and gave him a questioning leer.  
  
The latter then ignored the request and began to pace once more, shaking his thick head as he drew breath upon breath.  
  
"Who could possibly be so bloody important?" Spike huffed, rather enjoying witnessing the state of the former.  
  
"My brother," Adam replied, suddenly growing silent as he came to a slow stop. "My very kin..."  
  
Spike raised both eyebrows at that, incredulously.  
  
"YOU have family?" he asked, but the sarcasm of that question seemed to also slip by the others attention span as he turned his face to one of the windows and grew thoughtful.  
  
"He was to sit beside me," Adam grumbled. "He was to be my right hand once the transformation was completed and we had our army. And now... he is gone."  
  
Buffy, still huddled behind the large object of stone now to Adam's left, bit her lower lip hard so that she wouldn't draw a sharp breath when she realized of whom Adam was speaking.  
  
Spike, however, was still awfully confused; and upon that he was growing seriously curious.  
  
"Demons cling to old ways and ancient feuds, and they're hopeless with technology," Adam said, still having his gaze far away before he turned his head to look at Spike. "Unworthy," the former added and Spike tilted his head barely noticeably to one side before he asked:  
  
"Figure that out all by yourself, or did someone feed it to you while they were still stitching on parts?"  
  
A light of something dangerous flickered on in Adam's eyes and Spike had a second of being absolutely positive that he had gone too far with that one. But then the light dimmed and Adam once more turned his eyes on the window.  
  
"Disappointed by demon kind we turned to humans," Adam continued, not discouraged, and Spike thought it best to simply listen. "Smart, adaptive... but emotional and weak," the former stated, turning to fully face the vampire who had a chill down his spine at the last four words, thinking that it was Adam's way of declaring how well he knew of the Slayer and the Vamp's escapades. However, he was once more proven wrong since Adam merely proceeded with his speech: "Blind," he added to what he had just proclaimed. "There is imperfection everywhere. Something must be done. Who will deliver us?" Spike raised his eyebrows, signaling that he had no way of answering that inquiry; and so Adam did it for him. "Mother," the latter said and Spike blinked, even more confused, but rather unwilling to lead it on. "She saw our future," Adam now continued. "My brother's and my own... She saw that he was necessary... And now, now he's GONE! I want the Slayer in the Initiative when the time comes, Spike. I want her down there and I want her shredded. In bits! I'll make a pretty bride out of her and I'll have her dance by my hand for the rest of her pathetic existence!"  
  
Spike ground his teeth, having to promote a picture of nails going through his feet, pinning him safely to the floor, in order of not moving up to the other demon and once more try his luck at thrashing him thoroughly.  
  
"Sound good enough," he then gritted out, clearing his throat before he bent down and picked up his pants. Pulling them on he let the sheet slide to the floor and then he buttoned the former as he added: "And here's some delightful news: I did what you wanted. She's separated from her friends. They want nothing to do with her. She's all alone."  
  
Adam's stiff posture seemed to loosen itself up a little at this disclosure and he eyed the vampire for a few moments before he replied:  
  
"That's HOW I want her. Where I want her is a different matter all together, isn't it? I want her dead, but not before she has performed her task. She will ensure that as many demons die as humans. She will achieve maximum carnage before she's too weak to go on." He paused and Spike fought hard not to show the disgust he felt at that moment with what stood before him. Then the former slowly asked: "You say you've completed one step of your setout mission... What about the second? The disk's?"  
  
"Yeah, gave 'em to the little witch last night..." Spike answered, bringing forth a casual tone as he hooked his thumbs by the buckle of his belt, adding: "So, she'll give the Slayer the info and 'pop' - Alice heads back down the rabbit hole."  
  
"The witch?" Adam asked.  
  
"Ah, Willow," Spike nodded, holding one hand up somewhere near his shoulder as he added: "About so high... perky, good with math. It's a natural choice."  
  
"Her friend?" Adam asked and Spike nodded a second time. "One of the friend's from whom you've so efficiently separated her?"  
  
"Damn right I did," Spike smirked, feeling rather assured in the fact that Adam was swallowing the story hook, line and sinker he continued: "You should've seen 'em. They won't be talking to each other for a long, long..." Trailing off he then paused himself, blinking as he realized where Adam's subtle question had been meant to lead him. "Hang on," the bleached said. "I think I've detected a small flaw."  
  
"So - you've failed?" Adam spoke up and Spike's eyes widened slightly before he huffed.  
  
"Well, you're supposed to be so smart and you let ME plan this whole thing!" he then countered and Adam looked as though he was about to raise his non-existing eyebrows. Spike needed a new approach and so he changed tactics into: "Okay, let's not argue 'bout who failed who. The important thing is making sure the Slayer is where we want h-..."  
  
"Yes," Adam interrupted. "And if you fail me again..."  
  
The demon didn't finish his sentence, merely gave Spike a glance which seemed to speak a thousand times louder than words before the former walked up to the door. Stopping by it he placed one hand on the knob before he turned his head back to the vampire with an almost sympathetic look on his features, then he said:  
  
"And you needn't hide the fact that you are not alone, Spike. The scent of your sexual activities are like a thick blanket hovering somewhere below the ceiling... Let her get off the floor." He pulled the door open, about to step through it when he once again paused and looked at Spike before adding: "We should never behave thoughtlessly. I hear her heart beat. She could catch her death of cold."  
  
With that word of very odd advice he moved forward and the door was closed behind him.  
  
Spike stared at it for nearly thirty seconds, stunned, and then the slow sound of Buffy standing up made him snap out of it and he turned to her.  
  
"He's a green, psycho-bot-man-thing-y with delusions of grandeur and world domination and I really, REALLY don't like him," she stated, coming around the sarcophagus to join Spike by the armchair.  
  
"Mh, got him all marked and put in the appropriate box now, have you, Slayer?" he asked and she smiled a little before she stepped into him and wrapped her arms around his waist.  
  
He held her back, closing his eyes before he sighed.  
  
"What?" she asked and he shrugged, then grumbled:  
  
"He never told me who his 'brother' is."  
  
Buffy bit her lower lip and then she pulled away so that she could look up at him.  
  
"With everything that happened last night I forgot to tell you," she mumbled and Spike arched one eyebrow, waiting. "I met Riley. We said good- bye," she added and Spike now furrowed his brow, uncomprehendingly. "He's left," she elaborated and Spike looked at her with disbelief etching his blue eyes.  
  
"HE'S the brother?!" he nearly exclaimed and Buffy's eyes grew a notch at the outburst. He let her go and she had no choice but to do the same as he began to pace before her. "Mr. Good-goodie-two-shoes, Mr. Clean-and- Wholesome-Full-bread-American-Boy-Next-Door, Mr. Captain-Sodding-Cardboard is brother to that... thing?!" he then spluttered and Buffy observed him keenly now. "How on God's damaged Earth is that even bloody possible?"  
  
"I don't know," Buffy replied calmly. "All I know is that the person Adam refers to as 'Mother' has to be Professor Walsh. And she had Riley as a favourite above all... maybe she... did something to him," she added, voice growing rather low. "I mean, apart from the whole feeding-him-supernatural- steroids and all that," she finished and Spike shook his head.  
  
"Unbe-buggering-lievable," he muttered. "Hey, what if the G.I. Joe was actually a demon? Wouldn't that be ironic?" he added; the sarcasm in his voice not going by unnoticed by Buffy and she smiled a small smile.  
  
"No, he was human," she then assured, voice even more quiet and as their eyes met they held each others gazes for a few short moments before they both looked away.  
  
Suddenly Buffy couldn't suppress a yawn and Spike didn't say anything, merely took her by the hand and lead her to the sarcophagus. Facing her he took a step forward before he leaned down to kiss her softly on the lips. She returned it gently and then she looked up at him with a smile which eased the sudden rush of anxiety which had travelled up his spine as their largest obstacle had been nearly brought into the light of conversation.  
  
"Go to bed," he now instructed and her smile widened ever so slightly before she asked:  
  
"You coming?"  
  
He looked at her for a few seconds, and then he replied:  
  
"Soon."  
  
She looked back at him before nodding and feeling how tired she was she crawled onto the mattress and tugged the sheet she had still had been covered with off to have it settle over her. Meeting Spike's eyes where he still stood by her feet she then closed her own and began to drift off practically at once.  
  
Spike turned and walked up to where the rest of his clothes lie, picking up his black T and then his duster. Pulling both of them on he silently exited the crypt, heading out into the night and wishing for the first time since he was turned that he could stay up to watch the sunrise - and not burn.  
  
***  
  
8.05 a.m.  
  
Buffy woke slowly. The room grew from blurred into focused as she eased her eyes open and rested them directly in Spike's - who was sitting by the side of the sarcophagus on a chair. He had his hands locked together under his chin, resting the latter against his knuckles as he let a small smile of welcome grace his lips.  
  
"Morning," he said and she returned the smile as she stretched.  
  
"Morning," she then agreed, relaxing as her face grew wondering. "What are ya doing way over there?" she pouted and he smirked, letting his hands fall from his chin still in a united fist as he eyed her.  
  
"I've been thinking," he began, but her moaning cut him off, and then she said:  
  
"Honey! What have I said about that?! You shouldn't even try!"  
  
He gave her a look, but her face merely split into a bright smile and he had to chuckle at her quip.  
  
Then she suddenly dulled her cheerfulness, because the seriousness resting somewhere in his gaze made her understand that what he had on his mind wasn't remotely linked to something of the happy.  
  
"What's wrong?" she therefore asked, sitting up and he bit his lower lip as he seemed to choose his words carefully.  
  
"This morning was a close call," he then began. "If Adam had seen you... or heard us... Safe to say we wouldn't be around to bloody discuss it, would we? He's strong, Buffy. Stronger than anything you've had to encounter before and I don't think it's a good idea for you to get off on a wrong start with the killing of him... You need to stay focused, or he'll be the one killing YOU."  
  
She watched him as he spoke, then moved to sit on the edge of the mattress so that she could better face him. She was about to make her case clear when he continued.  
  
"Maybe it'd be better if we took a break from all of... this," he murmured and now she ogled him; she had been suspecting this was where he was going, but she was surprised nonetheless. "'Til Adam's outta the sodding way," Spike added, meeting her gaze firmly. "Think about it, Buffy! For you to deal with everything that bloody comes with a new... and on top of that hiding it from your friends and having to fret over them finding out... As WELL as fighting the buggering Terminator! I can't let you do that, love."  
  
She observed him, then asked:  
  
"Didn't you say as early as a few hours ago that you wouldn't ever let me stand alone?"  
  
He ground his teeth, then stood and she did the same, stopping him from removing himself out of her reach by placing her hands lightly on his lower arms, forcing him to meet her gaze again.  
  
"We can't keep doing this," she said. "We can't hold onto each other one minute and then push as hard as we can the next. We have to make the decision now."  
  
He looked down at her and she could see the struggle he was having with himself. She knew that he wanted to do what was right. Now she had to convince him of what actually was. He kept comparing himself to Angel. Even if it was subconsciously she was certain that he did. She had once said that Angel had done the noble thing, he had walked away. He had loved her enough to let go, but now...  
  
"I need you to love me enough to stay," she stated and Spike seemed to grow attentive to her every motion as he eyed her closely. "I won't push anymore."  
  
He raised one hand and ran it softly through her tangled locks before he placed it by her cheek, still silent.  
  
"I'll deal with whatever comes," she promised. "And Adam... We can take him down, but only as a team. HE'S the one who wants to split me up from the ones I care for, remember? I'm stronger with you, than without you. And I won't have to fret over how to keep this from the Gang," she finally concluded as she slid one hand down over his wrist, entwining their fingers as she added: "We're telling them today."  
  
He blinked at that, no longer able to resist a smile. She immediately smiled back and then squeezed his hand encouragingly.  
  
"Are you sure 'bout this?" he asked.  
  
"Yes," she replied with no hesitation whatsoever. "They'll cope. They'll have to. I'm not giving you up, Spike. Not now."  
  
He smiled wider, about to say something when her eyebrows suddenly rose and she exclaimed:  
  
"What time is it?!"  
  
He furrowed his brow questioningly as she tore her hand from his and ran up to her pile of clothes, beginning to furiously pull them on.  
  
"Close to eight-thirty, I think..." he then answered her question. "What's the...?"  
  
"The exam I've been studying for!" she replied before he could finish his sentence. "It's today and... I'm late and..." She tugged her sweater down over her head and then spun around in search for her pocketbook. Finding it she quickly looked through it to see if everything she needed was there before she rushed back up to him, giving him a quick kiss on the mouth she then once again turned and sprinted up to the door. "See you later!" she yelled as she disappeared through it and he rolled his eyes, sitting down on the chair again.  
  
So this was actually real, then? They were at the beginning of something - together. And she was serious enough to want to admit him to her friends and someone who was almost like her father. What would the old poof say? What if he refused to accept it? What if all of them did?  
  
He suddenly remembered the visit he had had from Willow the other day... Did she already know? She sure had been acting like it. But then again, there was no way of actually determining that, was there. In the end Buffy with a character such as him just might be too much, even for Ms. Embodiment-of-Understanding.  
  
He supposed the whelp was the biggest concern since Spike was positive that particular mortal wouldn't take too kindly to the scenario. Would he 'cope'?  
  
The first swarm of nervous butterflies attacked him the second after that thought had fluttered through his mind and he drew an unnecessary breath as he leaned back on the chair.  
  
He was in for one hell of a ride; that was for sure.  
  
He gambled. He loved to. He had done it for as long as he could remember - well, since he was turned anyway. He craved the thrill of not knowing whether he was about to win big or lose even bigger. And he had never backed out of a wager. But come this afternoon all bets were off; and he didn't like it.  
  
He didn't like it one bit.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
This chapter has contained explicit conversation from the BtVS episode Primeval. All rights to writer David Fury.  
  
Oh, how incredible you are! I bow down before you as the humble vessel that I am! (for transforming the Spuffyness within me, I mean.) ;) I'm always astonished (and no, I really am not exaggerating, I ALWAYS am) that I am able to reach so many with this! With my imagination. It is such a great gift!!! Thank you SO much for giving me your appreciation, for letting me know that you're enjoying this!!! It means a whole lot to me and I won't ever stop reminding you of that!  
  
Very special thanks to wolf116, Caitee, Renee', Rachel, qattace, Erica, Alyssa, Maribel, Carol, Mel, Leanne, spikesgilmore, Xio, LizDarcy and vuks - you are amazing, all of you! All of you who have ever dropped me a line are the best of the best, but the ones who keep coming back with their thoughts - this shout out is for you! Thank you SO much!!!  
  
I got an email pronouncing the winners of the SpuffyAwards and though Trapped was not one of them I still feel like a total winner for even having been nominated. Vuks - again - thank you for that! It was really great! I'm very happy with this story, and the fact that you guys seem to like it as well makes it all the better!  
  
I hope this chapter was no disappointment! Oh, what WILL happen in the next chapter?! I can't wait to find out, I have to start writing it right now so...  
  
A.M.L, Annie. ;) 


	45. It's Always the Quiet Ones

*********************************TRAppED******************************  
  
Forty-Five: It's Always the Quiet Ones  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-07-10  
  
************************************************************************  
  
Day Thirty-Seven.  
  
11.00 a.m.  
  
Buffy huffed as she slung her back pack over one shoulder. Looking around at the quickly scurrying population of her class she caught the gaze of Willow, who was seemingly waiting for her by the doors of the large classroom. The Slayer got herself moving in that direction and the two friends joined in a uni-walk down the hallway.  
  
Willow looked interested and Buffy knew that she was expecting a detailed page-by-page recap of the exam, down to juiciest need for sharpening of writing tools. However, the Slayer had begun to bite the inside of her lip, trying to decide whether she should spill her promise to Spike and beg for the redhead's advice on a good approach with Giles and Xander - or whether she should keep her mouth shut and take the crucial moment as it presented itself; therefore there wasn't much room for retelling the easier, versus the un-answerable, questions.  
  
That crucial moment, though...  
  
Well, there would be teeth grinding together. And sour expressions. A few curses. Of course one or two stunned expressions right before the yelling and spitting and demanding of an explanation began... But apart from expecting all that Buffy had no idea what she should say.  
  
Should she go "Hey, everybody" and then drag Spike into clear sight with his arms around her? Or should she walk in first, calm the stampede and then let the vampire in? Or maybe the safest way to do it would be to have one-on-one conversations and ease the fact of Spike into the two men's minds? Or...  
  
"Buffy?" Willow asked, making the namesake turn her head to the former with a questioning frown before it quickly wore off and the blonde smiled dismissively.  
  
"Sorry," she murmured and Willow smiled back, shaking her head.  
  
"No need. My head's usually too full after a test to do much talking, too," she then stated and Buffy laughed half-heartedly before she cleared her throat.  
  
"Yeah," she mumbled.  
  
"It feels like I haven't seen you in days," Willow said, hooking her arm with Buffy's as they exited the building they had inhabited and crossed the lawn leading to their dormitory. "How was L.A.?" she added and Buffy searched for the right answer, then gave it in form of a:  
  
"Intense."  
  
Willow nodded empathetically.  
  
"Did it.disconfuse anything? Regarding... Bleachy?" she inquired and Buffy giggled at that choice of nickname before she pushed open the heavy door to the building in which their shared home was situated and they both stepped inside.  
  
"Yes," she then replied; stopping and facing Willow as their arms fell to their sides instead. "Yeah, it really disconfused things. All of the things... I think."  
  
"Tell me more," Willow encouraged and Buffy smiled rather embarrassed.  
  
Spike was like no other man. He was hard to describe and even more difficult was it to try and put into words what it was about him that buried itself within and refused to let her go. How could she rightfully pinpoint what it was that had her falling for him, and hard at that? It might have scared her, if not for the knowledge of him inevitably being there to catch her before she hit the ground; before she got hurt. In what way could she clarify why she needed him, and wanted him, and craved him, and longed for him? Because of course he had the bod of a god going for him, and he had the touch of an angel combined with the kiss of something fiercely resembling a devil as it took over and, if she didn't watch herself, could easily become an obsession. But that deeper notion of something else... how could she make that understandable?  
  
She couldn't tell of the way he made her laugh, how he made her feel special and cared for and loved - safe; more so than ever before in her life. She couldn't tell of it because it couldn't do the emotions justice.  
  
So, she thought decisively. I'll have no choice but to show them, all of them.  
  
"...but Tara didn't think that was a really good idea and so I just pushed another button and when I lifted my finger all the mumbo turned into jumbo for a second or two, and then it was almost like it 'dinged' itself ready and all the information just flooded the screen. I thought 'yay, Willow: one, computer: zero' - 'til I figured the computer actually did all the work since it didn't happen while I was tapping into anything, but when I was pausing... Or I guess it was the disk. Then again, Spike did say that it was bogus and that I probably shouldn't spend hours in front of it. Which I completely discarded 'cause I thought he could be really wrong, Adam's not so stupid that he doesn't make it hard for us. Plus - it was way too fun to not fool around with it for a while...or a day... Anyways, it's done," the Wicca finished while Buffy stared at her, rather uncomprehending and still not very eager to have her friend repeat the flow of words she had just let stream from her mouth.  
  
"Oh..." she therefore said. "Great, Will. That's...terrific."  
  
Willow smirked, throwing her bag on her bed before she said:  
  
"Don't worry, face-like-a-question-mark lady. We're meeting up at Giles' around five and then I'll give you a not so thorough low down."  
  
Buffy smiled as well, letting her backpack fall to the floor before she sunk down on her bed.  
  
"Do you think Spike is all evil?" she then asked before she managed to completely realize what she was saying.  
  
She raised her gaze to Willow's, who observed her in silence for a short while before she answered:  
  
"No. I don't think I do. I mean... I've seen what you've meant, with the whole kinda fluffy Spike, you know? Kinda like 'Hey, here's the disk's, bloody well crack 'em fast, Red - or whatever...'" Her previous smirk widened at Buffy keeping her giggles back at the formers impression of the vampire, then the redhead slowly added: "'I know you can do it'. He said that, right before he was about to leave. Just like that. 'I know you can do it'. I was really... surprised. And - as mentioned - fluffy Spike."  
  
Buffy smiled widely now, her eyes glittering with a cheerfulness Willow hadn't seen in those green orbs in far too long and she returned the smile with a mixture of relief and growing worry. Buffy was in love, Willow was as sure of it as of the A she was getting on the math pop-quiz she had been taking an hour earlier. Buffy had fallen for a vampire, but this time there was no soul, this time there was only the frailty of faith, this time the Slayer might get seriously injured. A cut so deep it might bleed her of her trust...  
  
Then Willow shook her head and followed Buffy's example - the blonde now splayed out across the bed opposite the redhead's. Willow looked up at the ceiling with a sudden gush of determination.  
  
She knew what she had to do.  
  
***  
  
4.36 p.m.  
  
Spike turned to Buffy when she entered the crypt. He returned the smile she directed at him and then she came to stand before him. She seemed almost as nervous as he felt, though she kept a cool exterior. Her heart was beating irregularly and the look in her eyes told him more about what was going on inside her than her posture ever could.  
  
"Your day was...?" he began, but she filled it in before he finished with a quick:  
  
"Good. Day was good... Yours?"  
  
"Oh, just... usual. Lotta... sleeping going on."  
  
She smirked.  
  
"Liar," she then replied and he put on an innocent expression, which still didn't quite fit onto his features, before he gave a small shrug.  
  
"Okay, so I've pretty much been waiting for you since you bloody left," he muttered and then he smiled a crooked smile as he glanced up at her and the smile she bore widened.  
  
"You been standing up the whole time too?" she inquired teasingly and he reached out one hand and grabbed her waist, pulling her to him as she giggled, putting her arms up and around his neck.  
  
Looking up at him with a tender expression in her eyes she then closed them and met his kiss. They deepened it and he pulled her hard to him. She was the one to break it, softly, and the trace of a pout glided over his lower lip - making her attack his mouth again. He seemed more than content with that. Finally she pulled away slightly, shaking her head and drawing a breath.  
  
"There's a Scooby meeting at five," she stated, amazed at how casual her voice actually sounded. "I don't wanna be late."  
  
He seemed to be put on pause as he more or less stared at her, and then he nodded.  
  
"So - this is really it, huh?" he asked and she looked at him before she let another smile draw over her lips.  
  
"Guess so," she replied and he had to smirk.  
  
They took the tunnels as far as they would take them and then went above ground, stalking in the deeper shadows and running through the patches of sun. Buffy couldn't help but giggle at the smoke rising around him and he scowled at her, making the giggles all the more apparent as she teased him with no remorse.  
  
Once they reached Giles' apartment they were holding hands and had been able to walk in the shadow of the building long enough to start up a conversation.  
  
"How did you do on the exam?" Spike inquired as they rounded the corner leading them to Giles' front door.  
  
"I don't think I aced it," she sighed. "But I did well enough, I hope," she added and he turned his head to her as he said:  
  
"I never really got why you should go learn a buncha stuff, when half of it you don't remember while you're still bloody IN school and the other half you won't use once you're outta there."  
  
She smiled at that, shaking her head as they stopped and faced each other in front of said front door.  
  
"I think you KNOW that's not how it is," she replied and he cocked an eyebrow. "Besides, I wouldn't think you'd understand what it's like. 'Go where I want, take what I need' ring any bells?" she asked meaningfully and he smirked. "With a motto like that you don't need an education, do you? And. that head of yours is kinda bright, though I kinda don't wanna admit it - now I'll have to see it all bloat-y and icky 'cause I'm sure those words 'll rise right up and into it."  
  
Spike laughed quietly at that, taking a step forward and sliding his hands over her hips, letting them travel further to the small of her back as he got himself close to her. She sighed.  
  
"I wonder if this'll ever stop affecting me the way it does," she grumbled as his face drew closer, his eyes suddenly bearing a dangerous glint when he asked:  
  
"And how is that?"  
  
She didn't reply, merely glided her hands up his arms and to his neck before she kissed him deeply.  
  
A small voice somewhere inside of her was stating matter-of-factly that they couldn't stand there, making out in broad day light. But she ignored it with ease. Because why couldn't they? Anything to prolong the few moments before she had to pronounce what she knew would shock most of those close to her was something to be savoured.  
  
Though she did want her pursuit of something more with Spike to be official, because he was right; she couldn't take on Adam with lies and deceit hanging in the air between her and the ones she would have to depend on. And she couldn't start something new with Spike if it was to be based on secrets and going into hiding. It would be ridiculous to even attempt such a thing.  
  
Her emotions were building towards him, and she was not about to simply tear them down.  
  
So be it, she thought. Now I just have to figure out a way of actually telling all this to...  
  
The sound of the door opening to her left made her slowly open her eyes, lips still to Spike's, and his gaze met hers as he had obviously just done what she had. They ended the kiss almost cautiously and then pulled apart a few inches, arms still around each other, before they slowly turned their heads to the origin of the sound.  
  
Giles stared at them, his mouth slightly agape and his brow just a tad furrowed. Buffy didn't think she had ever seen that look on his face. He looked so disbelieving that she felt like she needed to clap her hands hard and bring him out of it.  
  
Then she directed her gaze to the spot right above his right shoulder, where - in the background - she could catch Xander's face. She had seen that look before, though. It was practically a perfect replica of how he had looked when...  
  
"Willow!" he suddenly exclaimed. "What did you do THIS time?!"  
  
***  
  
4.59 p.m.  
  
Willow came, slightly confused, in from the kitchen and when she saw the now parting Slayer and Vamp outside the open door everything quickly fell into place. She looked back at Xander before replying:  
  
"I didn't do anything."  
  
"Wills, it's all right. Whatever it was - we'll fix. But we need to get on it 'cause," he made a gesture to the two blondes carefully making their way passed Giles and into the room, their hands once more locked in a firm grip, "look at that."  
  
Willow smiled a small smile as she did what her best friend instructed and had her first view of the couple. They produced an air of strength around them which the Wicca didn't think she had ever experienced before, and when both of them returned her smile she had to admit it - they were beautiful together.  
  
"Hi," the redhead greeted Buffy, who gave a nod and then replied the same. "Want some tea? Tara's making some."  
  
Buffy shook her head before she threw Spike a questioning look and he shook his head as well.  
  
Xander was having a quizzical frown grow onto his features as he stared at the young woman who he took pride in knowing fully, and the vampire whom he had had more than a few disagreements with, acting much too comfortable around each other. He had NEVER seen them stand so close without pummelling each other with either fists or well-aimed quips.  
  
"Willow," he murmured as she turned to walk back into the kitchen.  
  
"This isn't my mess," she merely stated, proceeding on her way out of the room and leaving the five still in it to deal with the situation at hand.  
  
The quiet was sinking through the atmosphere as though it was dew that stuck to everything. It left an eerie sense of growing questions and rueful answers and in between them was the thickening confusion.  
  
Buffy felt Spike's fingers nervously stroke the ones of hers belonging to the hand which he was holding and she looked at him with a calming expression.  
  
Spike barely knew where to look. He had never felt this insecure in the company of her people before. He supposed right now the most intimidating of them all was Giles. The vamp could almost feel the Watcher's gaze burning a hole in his shoulder, as the former stood slightly turned away from the latter. The blonde felt like walking around, but didn't want to disturb the stillness any more than he wanted to leave the safety of being at Buffy's side.  
  
Anya was the only one actually moving as she turned her head to look from one to the next.  
  
"So, Buffy's with Spike," she finally cut through the silence. "What's the big deal? He's a nice looking vampire and she's dealt with those before. Are we all supposed to be shocked here or something? It's not like it hasn't been coming."  
  
"Coming?!" Xander demanded, baffled. "Since when?"  
  
"Well, it's not that long ago that they were sucking face like two about to get married," she remarked with a roll of her eyes and Xander, who seemed to have moved out of the first stage of hypnosis, stared at his girlfriend.  
  
"That was because of a SPELL," he then reminded. "They would never have done that if Willow hadn't..."  
  
"Oh, please," Anya shook her head. "All that tension rising for years and years? Suppressed urges always come out as anger, that's basic vengeance knowledge. Though I've taken advantage of it more times than one. I remember a girl in Vienna who claimed her best friend - a MAN, of course - had done her the most horrid wrong and she wanted me to throw a curse on him... which I did. Turns out she simply hadn't realized how much she loved him and so she had made up an excuse to... punish him for not showing her that he returned her affections."  
  
"Anya!" Xander exclaimed. "We're not talking love here."  
  
"Well, sexual frustration comes out as anger too," she said matter-of- factly, looking at the couple who listened to the exchange with no chance to get a word in before she continued: "Attraction can be SO misleading, you know? And when you think that you're not supposed to feel it, you try to suppress it... I would've put my money on you two killing each other, but I suppose you can't be right all the time, can you? I never could've thought that Buffy would actually give in. Well, it just comes to show how true it is what they say - it's always the quiet ones."  
  
Buffy raised her eyebrows at that, but Anya merely turned back around on the couch where she was seated and grabbed a magazine she had yet to flip through.  
  
Xander was looking as though in need of hyper ventilating as he once again locked gazes with Buffy.  
  
"When? And how? And when?" he stuttered and she released Spike's hand to approach her friend.  
  
"Does it really matter?" she asked gently, stopping before him and Xander swallowed, the frown deepening.  
  
"I thought you were in a relationship already," Giles spoke up and she turned to him.  
  
"I was," she replied. "But I realized it wasn't the right one."  
  
"And this.?" Giles asked, flailing one hand a little in a gesture to her and then to Spike. "This is your definition of right?"  
  
She blinked, the hurt look which drew over her face made the Watcher feel a need to bite his tongue, but he recuperated quickly and continued:  
  
"I always trusted you to have a keen insight when it came to certain aspects of your life. Your heart seemed to blend well with your mind - and your use of both as the Slayer has helped you stay alive. But now I have to say I am in doubt, Buffy, as to how far you think you can go."  
  
"What is that supposed to mean?" she asked, taking a step forward and facing him with a glow of incensed self-assurance. "I'm not with him to push the limits of the Slayer 'code', or whatever the hell you wanna call it," she stated, Xander letting out a small huff of air at the words 'with- him'. It didn't discourage her as she continued: "I'm with him 'cause he stood by me when he didn't have to, he earned my trust as well as my respect. I'm with him 'cause he's one of the best men I've ever known and because I'm..." She paused, hesitated but one second longer and then filled in: "Because I'm falling in love with him."  
  
She could hear the low thud when Xander's back connected to the wall behind it as he leaned heavily against it. But she didn't take her eyes out of Giles' for even one moment, and the gaze in those eyes showed her how completely unexpected this whole thing was. He looked searching for a clue to how serious she was, and when he seemed to find it the expression changed into questioning; further into wondering; and into something which was hard to define. A part of him seemed angered while another seemed all together in defeat. Shock and surprise and pure disbelief were mixing with something close to understanding.  
  
"I guess I should take you aside and tell you of all the things your chosen companion has done throughout his existence," Giles finally spoke and Buffy seemed to straighten her posture slightly at those words, right before Giles added: "But something tells me you already know it. In fact, I'm rather certain you know more than I do at this point. This is your choice, Buffy. I can do nothing but stand aside."  
  
"What?!" Xander exclaimed. "You can't be serious! Buffy," he said, turning to her with a pleading look in his brown eyes, "please, don't do this. Don't do this to yourself. Look at him! There's nothing there even resembling a future!"  
  
Before Buffy could stop him Spike had moved the few steps forward and grabbed Xander by the shirt, pushing him harshly up against the wall he had previously been leaning against the vampire hissed:  
  
"I'd love it if you'd bloody say that again."  
  
"Is THIS what you wanna be with?" Xander asked Buffy, who stared at them both in growing annoyance. "Is this what you wanna be sleeping next to for the rest of your life?!"  
  
At that Spike let go of his grip with his right hand and clenched it into a fist, drawing it back he was about to throw the punch when warm fingers stopped his movement.  
  
"Enough," Buffy said, giving him a look.  
  
It was all he needed and he directed his gaze in Xander's for a few seconds, giving him a cold glare before releasing him.  
  
"At least you've tamed the beast," Xander murmured and Buffy barely had time to flinch before Spike's fist this time connected with Xander's jaw.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Thanks a lot you guys for the reviews!!! Hope all is well. I'm enjoying a free weekend (the only one I have this month). Ugha. ;) the sun is shining, birds are chirping and it's summer, it doesn't get any better than this. Except if I was to win a million dollars. ;)  
  
Special and happy thanks to maribel, spikesgilmore, Leanne, donotsrock (thanks for dropping a line!), Carol and gattaca - I hope you are all more than excellent and that you enjoyed this chapter a well!!!  
  
Gosh, I'm hot, and it's time for lunch! ;) See you next time?  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	46. Conflicts Postponed

*********************************TRAppED********************************  
  
Forty-Six: Conflicts Postponed  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-07-13  
  
**************************************************************************  
  
Day Thirty-Seven.  
  
5.10 a.m.  
  
"No!"  
  
Buffy took a step forward at the same time that Spike took three back with his hands flying to his temples and a scream of enraged pain rising out of his throat. Xander put one hand where the fist had connected, moving his aching jaw as he glared at the vampire.  
  
"That all you got?" the mortal taunted, shaking his head.  
  
"You really don't wanna try my patience," Spike grumbled, the searing ache retracting and he looked up at the other as he squared his shoulders; Xander smirked.  
  
"Are you gonna take me down in front of your 'girlfriend'?" he inquired, taking a step forward and Spike doing the same until they were face-to-face once more. "Think she'd let you?" he added and Spike made a grimace with irritation.  
  
"You always have to hide behind her, don't you?" he asked back.  
  
Xander's posture stiffened, but there was no reply and Spike looked much too pleased for it to go by unnoticed by the human.  
  
"I give it a month," Xander murmured, his nose now so close to the vampire's their tips almost touched as he added: "And then she'll come to her senses and drop you like the bag of nothing that you are."  
  
"Xander," Buffy said, her tone sharp, but Spike was quicker as he pushed the other man to stumble backwards again.  
  
He ignored the jolt of pain running down his spine and spreading up the back of his skull. All he focused on in that second was making himself perfectly clear to the whelp before him. He slammed his hand hard into the wall to the side of Xander's left ear and then he began to speak, voice low but unmistakable in its edgy intonation.  
  
"I know you're protective, I know you like to play big brother and I know you watch her back and have been doing so for the past four years. Thank you. I owe you. But if you think that you can bloody judge my feelings for that lady over there based on my past..." He trailed off, the hardening expression in his steel blue eyes putting the final point to his words before he continued: "You don't know me." He turned his head to Buffy, and then back to Xander. "SHE does. You do NOT live her life, you don't sodding affect her choices... and you don't tell her what to do. No one does. She's her own woman, and she's chosen me..." Suddenly the steel softened into something lighter and the vampire backed off as he turned to his Slayer. "I'm proud to stand by her side," he said, meeting Buffy's gaze and then looking over her shoulder at her Watcher. "I WILL stand by her side."  
  
"I don't believe this," Xander muttered, massaging his jaw again.  
  
Spike turned his head back to him.  
  
"No kidding, tunaboy?" he asked and Xander glared at him for a second time before huffing and then murmuring something; making Spike turn to fully face him, incredulous look taking its place on his features before he asked:  
  
"What did you just call me?"  
  
Xander looked up at him, furrowing his brow questioningly before he realized that Spike had slightly more advanced hearing than the average thug and so he had just heard every last muttered word of slander.  
  
Hesitating for but a moment the younger then replied:  
  
"I called you a hopeless, misplaced, greedy, selfish, ugly, sickening, good- for-nothing bastard."  
  
"That's what I thought," Spike nodded, moving forward again, but having two hands grab his shoulders and pull him back so harshly that he lost his balance and tumbled backwards onto the floor.  
  
Buffy towered over him and he gave her an impatient, meaningful glare before he looked away; declaring himself beaten.  
  
Tamed, the beast within him howled in agony; but he ignored the voice of it and kept his eyes on the Watcher's feet, which he could see through the legs of the table and chairs to his right.  
  
Buffy turned to Xander.  
  
"Please," she merely said.  
  
He clenched his jaws together hard and then did what Spike had done moments before - looked away from her.  
  
Tara came into the room with two cups of tea in her hands, giving Buffy a quick smile before she walked up to the couch and handed one of the cups to Anya. Then she sat down beside the latter and turned her head to Willow, who had entered the room shortly after her. The redhead was standing beside her childhood friend, trying to find something soothing to say to him.  
  
Spike had sat up and was now rising to his feet, jaws tightly clenched as he ground them together and still refused to look at Xander; or Buffy, for that matter.  
  
"Let's begin," Giles said, coming further into the room with his glasses off as he polished them carefully. "These news are quite loaded," he added at the surprised looks he received from Willow and Xander, as well as the wondering gaze Buffy turned to him with, "but so is the situation with Adam and if Willow has news which may help us take him out... I don't think I have to underline the critical way in which this affects us all."  
  
"No," Buffy agreed. "You don't have to."  
  
Turning to Spike she gave him a small smile and he finally rested his eyes in hers, returning the smile with a likeness of relaxation coming over him which calmed whatever small doubt there had been in the back of her head that he was done with the arguments. For now, at least.  
  
"Willow," Giles said, gesturing to her laptop which was sitting on the table and she nodded, walking up to it and sitting down before it.  
  
Slowly the others rose or moved forward to come and stand behind her as she began to work the keys.  
  
"Well," she said as the contents of the disk came up on the screen. "There was mostly this," she added, scrolling down and showing a large quantity of text. "A bunch of stuff we already know on 3:14. But then there's information about Adam's final phase... and the whole slaughter, body-parts securing, demon against soldiers bomb that he's set to detonate... as soon as you get down there," she finished, turning her head to look up at Buffy, who gritted her teeth and turned to Spike.  
  
"Is there anything else?" she asked and he met her gaze before shaking his head.  
  
"He's lying," Xander murmured and Spike's eyes went to him as they began to turn a darker shade of blue from clear indignation and rising fury.  
  
"Do you trust me?" Buffy asked before her lover could open his mouth and Xander looked from the latter to the former with a quizzical expression. "Do you trust me?" she repeated and he nodded a little. "Then stop it with the accusations already. It's not only attacking Spike, it's attacking me as well."  
  
At that Xander seemed to grow self-conscious, and he did want to apologize to her, but couldn't quite bring himself to it.  
  
Buffy felt Spike's hand slide into hers and she held his back.  
  
"I have to go," Anya said, kissing Xander on the cheek and grabbing her pocketbook on the way to the front door. "There's a new dress with my name tagged to it somewhere out there and I'm determined to find it," she added with a smile and Xander smiled back as she opened the door and stepped through it. "Don't get into any trouble while I'm gone, honey!" she called as she closed the door and he shook his head a little at her.  
  
"I-I should get going too," Tara mumbled to Willow, who looked up at her and then smiled a small smile.  
  
"You sure?" she asked and Tara nodded.  
  
"I have homework and this... seems to be official Scooby work. I'm safer outta the way," she replied, smiling as well and then squeezing Willow's shoulder before leaving the group as she followed in Anya's footsteps. "Be careful," she said as she paused in the doorway, then she proceeded through it and the five still in the room looked from one to the other before Willow asked:  
  
"What now?"  
  
"Now," Buffy answered, "we figure out how to follow Adam's plan. I need to get into the Initiative."  
  
***  
  
5.48 p.m.  
  
"We're certainly in a lack of supplies... Wish I knew which ones would kill Adam," Giles sighed, sitting down on the armrest of the couch.  
  
Willow was seated to his left and Xander was on standing behind him. Buffy was on the floor, carving a rather large piece of wood into a rather large stake. Spike was on a chair behind her back, looking both intrigued and bored at the same time.  
  
"Well, the little I know from... people," Buffy said, continuing: "Adam's power source is a core of uranium imbedded somewhere in his chest. Probably near the spine."  
  
"Great," Xander chimed in sarcastically. "So we'll just ask him to lie down quietly while we do some exploratory surgery."  
  
Spike couldn't hide a smirk, though he stripped it quick enough. The others merely raised one corner of their mouth in acknowledgement of the joke - all too familiar with the Scoobs need for them when nervous or stressed out to actually pay too much heed to the actual words.  
  
"What about magic?" Willow asked suggestively. "Some kinda... I don't know... uranium extracting spell?" The quiet looks she received had her know how well met that idea was and she made a small frown before she added grouchily: "I know. I'm reaching."  
  
"Perhaps a paralyzing spell?" Giles said, rising to his feet and walking the few steps taking him up to one of the bookcases, where he retrieved one of those and began to look through it as he mumbled: "Only I can't perform the incantation of this..."  
  
"Right, don't you have to speak it in Sumerian or something?" Willow asked and he turned his head to her, answering:  
  
"Oh, I do speak Sumerian. It's not that. Only an experienced witch can incant it and you'd have to be within striking distance of the subject."  
  
"See what you get for taking French instead of Sumerian?" Xander quipped, turned to Buffy.  
  
"What was I thinking?" she muttered, receiving a comforting rub on her back from Spike, which made her smile and turn her head to look back and up at him.  
  
Xander noticed the movement and stared at them with growing abhor before he said:  
  
"And what about you?" making Spike turn his head to him instead. "Yeah, you, king of all that is bleached," Xander nodded. "You've spent more time with the man himself...bad choice of words, but we all know what I mean...than any of us put together. Can't you tell us ANYTHING more useful than 'He's really, really strong'?"  
  
Spike tilted his head slightly to one side, then smiled a sugary smile before he replied:  
  
"He's damn near invincible - that'd be good enough for you?"  
  
Xander shook his head.  
  
"Useless," he muttered.  
  
"I don't see you being the one sodding connection you have on the inside, now do I?" Spike grumbled. "If I hadn't given you the bloody information on Adam you'd be nowhere at all, as supposed to halfway there. So stop using that buggering word on me! ...I don't deserve it."  
  
Xander blinked. Had what he said actually just had some sort of an impact on the un-impactable? Amazing. Though he thought the word with as much sarcasm as he could muster, he still had to acknowledge the slight twirl of triumph which it brought with it.  
  
"Okay... Adam - invincible," he now said slowly, then he shrugged. "So all we need is combo-Buffy. Her with Slayer strength, Giles' multi-lingual know how and Willow's witch-y power." Giles raised his head at that, practically staring at him and he added: "Yeah, don't tell me: I'm just full of 'helpful' suggestions."  
  
"As a matter of fact - you are," Giles replied, having everybody's attention be set on him.  
  
***  
  
6.03 p.m.  
  
Spike braced himself before he strolled into the part of the Initiative where Adam was keeping office. Buffy was breeching security through the elevator shaft, with Xander, Willow and Giles by her side; and he wished he could've been there too. But there should be no cause for suspicion just yet, and so he had reluctantly agreed when Buffy had clarified how important it was that he went to see Adam one last time.  
  
He stopped when he entered the small room where the latter had set up his surveillance system. The demon in question seated before it, watching the black-and-white pictures of the TV-screen showing marching soldiers, heavily armed.  
  
"Spike," Adam said, not taking his eyes off the object before him. "I was hoping you would come. There is something I want you to see." Spike raised his eyebrows questioningly. "Come," Adam said, waving for him to approach.  
  
Having his senses set on alert Spike cautiously did what the other asked.  
  
"What?" the blonde wondered, then halted as Adam's left arm raised swiftly, showing the sharp blade of a scalpel.  
  
Adam rose, turning around to face the vamp, who now had every nerve ending in his entire body demanding of him to turn and get himself as far away from the maniac before him that his legs would carry him. Something was wrong.  
  
"The chip," Adam now said simply. "You want it removed, do you not?"  
  
Spike stared at the glistening instrument in the demon's large hand, and then he took a step back.  
  
"Thought you wanted the merchendise delivered first," he then replied meaningfully with a nod to the black-and-white TV-screen still showing a lot of empty hallway and occasional soldier boy, but lacking in the young Slayer department.  
  
Adam merely twisted the scalpel slightly, with a just as meaningful expression in his eyes and Spike swallowed.  
  
"Don't you need to... sedate me? Have a team of surgeons? Some gauze?" he inquired and Adam smiled a humorless smile as he took a step forward.  
  
"Would you believe me if I answered 'no'?" he wondered and Spike blinked, then his eyes fell on the screen, where a new set of characters had made their entrance.  
  
Adam saw the expression in the vampire's eyes and turned around.  
  
"Ah," he said with a small nod. "She has arrived, and with perfect timing, of course. As always."  
  
Spike nodded as well, feeling the insecurity begin to drape itself over his shoulders as he watched the soldiers surrounding the Slayer and her friends, escorting them through the hallways; something which Adam seemed to have counted on.  
  
"Yeah," Spike then murmured as a response to the demon's comment.  
  
Adam suddenly became rigid, and then he slowly turned around to face the vampire.  
  
"She is not alone," the former remarked and the clear dissatisfaction in his tone made Spike realize that had there not been trouble brewing earlier, it had just begun to boil over with this revelation. "You've failed me again," the demon added and Spike stared at him, then he bit his jaws together and shook his head as he came to understand exactly why he had sensed tension in the air all around him.  
  
Fixing his gaze in Adam's he didn't hesitate before he let all pretences fall. A part of this game was more than surely over and he regretted to have to admit that he stood as the loser.  
  
"How long have you known?" he therefore murmured, already knowing the answer, and Adam observed him closely for a few moments, then answered:  
  
"Since I visited your crypt. I fought her, I know her scent... I must say I was surprised at first. The two of you batting on the same team? You seemed to hold such unmasked hatred for her. You played your part well," he commented and Spike ground his teeth together.  
  
"So did you," he murmured and Adam smiled again, this time with more feeling before he pointed out:  
  
"This is my life, not my role."  
  
"We all play roles," Spike shot and Adam's smile widened before he made a small gesture with one hand, having four strong hands grab a hold on either of Spike's arms and the latter immediately tried to get loose - to no avail.  
  
"You'll play the one of mindless drone perfectly, I'm sure," Adam nodded, turning his eyes on the screen where the soldiers stopped with Buffy before a door, the others not far behind. "As will she."  
  
Spike tried once more to tear free, but there was no use and he felt the panic close at hand as he understood that it had all been one giant trap.  
  
"Do you love her?" Adam asked and Spike glared at him as a reply, making Adam shake his head. "She has blinded you, then. I will make you whole again; I will make you a part of something so powerful..."  
  
He trialed off; then nodded to the two already-made-whole soldiers to take the vampire away.  
  
Turning his gaze on the screen once more a smile began to spread over his mouth, and this time there was nothing behind it but self-assured evil.  
  
"Soon," he murmured gently, watching Buffy be brought into the room behind the door before which she had been made to wait. "When all your allies are done with, when all your friends have been killed... then you will seek me out and greet the death in store. Not much longer now, my pretty."  
  
Sinking down on the chair he leaned back and closed his eyes.  
  
Everything was working out perfectly.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
This chapter has contained explicit dialogue from the BtVS episode Primeval. All rights to writer David Fury.  
  
Eeek! Hehe, I can't believe I finished this chapter so fast. I'm glad though, might restore some of your faith in me! ;) Hope you enjoyed it and thanks a lot for the wonderful, great, lovely feedback I got on the previous chapter! Makes my day, everyday!  
  
Special and warm thanks to Me, wolf116, Erica (for the one on It's Always the Quiet Ones), maribel, Carol and Enchanted Dreamer - thanks lot, girls! I hope you liked the chapter! Thanks for great comments and thoughts, as always! :)  
  
See ya soon.  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	47. The Strength Within

********************************TRAppED*******************************  
  
Forty-Seven: The Strength Within  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-07-16  
  
************************************************************************  
  
Day Thirty-Seven.  
  
6.35 p.m.  
  
"Colonel!" Buffy tried again, standing surrounded by Initiative soldiers before their leader; who was currently opening up the backpack filled with weapons and magic supplies that she had brought with her.  
  
"Shut up," he snapped, the irritation on him becoming even clearer in his voice as he kept un-strapping and then unzipping the bag before him, giving her an impatient glare. Looking back down he shook his head and added: "You've got some nerve, lady."  
  
"You HAVE to listen to us," she stated, but the man before her paid no attention to her words as he began to pull out the contents of the backpack; starting with a stake, which he stared at as he spoke up once more:  
  
"You think you and your friends can just keep waltzing into a government instillation, brandishing weapons like..." Pulling out a large, pear- shaped, hollow object with a thick wick on top he frowned. "Like..." he said, seemingly struggling to find a word fitting enough, but unable to.  
  
"It's a gord," Willow offered helpfully, giving a small nod when the colonel turned his gaze from the foreign thing in his hands and to the redheaded woman standing a few feet away.  
  
"It's a magic gord," Giles filed in, looking just a bit sheepish at the other man's clearly skeptical expression, before it changed into cool disbelief as he looked from one to the other.  
  
"What kinda freaks are you people?" he asked, sounding truly astounded that four - by the looks of it - adult humans would even think the word magic, much less utter it in a room full of strangers.  
  
With guns and ability to lock them in a padded cell for the rest of their lives.  
  
It was truly astonishing.  
  
"Adam is here, colonel, IN the Initiative," Buffy merely replied.  
  
"Nice try," he grumbled; having put the gord down he came around the table by which he had been standing, to face her.  
  
"Those overcrowded containment houses of yours - courtesy of Adam," she now said firmly. "He's pulling a Trojan horse on you. He's just waiting..."  
  
"Every INCH," the colonel cut her off, "of this instillation is under constant, twenty-four hour surveillance."  
  
"Including the secret lab?" Willow wondered innocently.  
  
"Including everything!" the colonel replied sharply, looking incredibly convinced of it for a few seconds before he looked at Buffy, regretful to have to ask - but knowing that he did - he said: "What secret lab?"  
  
"The one Adam's been using," she answered. "The one built for the final phase of the three-fourteen project." The colonel now looked utterly perplexed and Buffy sighed. "And you have no idea what I'm talking about," she then added.  
  
"I know everything that goes on around here," the colonel assured, though the Slayer looked all but convinced and he continued: "A tick on a mouse couldn't get in without my knowing it. And if Adam wants to try, we're ready for him!"  
  
"Jolly good," Giles said, taking of his glasses and rubbing his eyes tiredly before he added: "How exactly do you plan to get close enough to Adam to remove his power-source?"  
  
Buffy raised her eyebrows questioningly and the colonel wavered for a short moment, then replied:  
  
"Hit him simultaneously with multiple tazer-blasters. Incapacitate him with as much voltage as we can muster."  
  
"Great plan," Xander nodded. "That's right up there with duck-and-cover."  
  
"I've seen Adam hit with tazer-blasts," Buffy stated. "He feeds on it. And now you're gonna provide him with an all-you-can-eat buffet?"  
  
"Are you telling me my business?" the colonel demanded, incredulously; but that made the young blonde take a step forward as she answered with a voice chilled with rising impatience:  
  
"This is NOT your business; it's MINE. You, the Initiative, the boys at the Pentagon - you're all in way over your heads, messing with primeval forces you have absolutely no comprehension of."  
  
"And you do?" the colonel asked with a trace of humor in his voice that got on her nerves more than anything the narrow-minded excuse for a human standing before her had said or done so far.  
  
"I'm the Slayer," she replied. "You're playing on MY turf."  
  
The colonel huffed.  
  
"Up there, maybe," he then said. "But down here I'm the one who's in control."  
  
There was the sound of a blaring warning signal as the lights went out.  
  
The final phase had obviously just been put into progress.  
  
Buffy felt her heart skip a beat.  
  
Spike.  
  
Where was he?  
  
***  
  
6.48 p.m  
  
Spike swam out of unconsciousness with effort. Bright lights stung his eyes and he felt that his wrists were tied to the arms of the hard chair he was seated in. It was made of steel... The room slowly grew focused and he stared at the two beings working at some sort of table with some sort of... He blinked, resting his head back and trying to stay awake. Everything was pounding. His thoughts, his throat, his heart...  
  
He opened his eyes and stared up at the ceiling.  
  
Something was terribly wrong.  
  
He could feel a pulse, steadily making its way through the veins of his whole body. He could feel it because his vampire senses told him of it, he could hear the throb of the muscle in his chest as clearly as though he had his ear to the skin and flesh and nerves covering it.  
  
Impossible.  
  
He couldn't be alive and dead at the same time.  
  
He still had his supernatural sense of smell, of instinct and of hearing... He could hear the brawl going on somewhere outside the thick concrete walls which surrounded him.  
  
He tried to speak, but couldn't.  
  
A wave of panic rose from some shadowed corner and he drew an unnecessary breath as the two beings turned their heads to him.  
  
Zombies. Clearly zombies. Or something not far from it.  
  
He swallowed, looking around him for some way of getting out of his bonds, but his body wouldn't work with him.  
  
"What have you...?"  
  
He had to produce every last ounce of willpower to be able to say those three words, his voice so strained that it broke from the effort and one of the zombies, the female, slowly approached him with a rather emotionless smile on her lips.  
  
Her eyes were white and he thought he recognized the unclear features of her face, but he couldn't place her.  
  
"It won't be long now," she said. "He'll be here soon and then..."  
  
Trailing off she backed away again and Spike stared at her.  
  
"Spike!"  
  
Buffy? He tried to turn his head to her, but couldn't, and soon enough she was at his side.  
  
Buffy didn't think she'd ever been so relieved in her life.  
  
"Are you okay?" she asked and he met her gaze, fighting to speak, but failing. "What happened? Spike?"  
  
He moved his eyes in the direction of the two zombies and Buffy turned her head that way, staring at them with growing disgust as she immediately recognized her former patroness and slight idol, Professor Walsh. Buffy couldn't understand how she had ever been as foolish as to have such high regards of someone who had seen to the birth of the threat she was about to face. There was no time to dwell and so she merely shook her head before turning her gaze back in Spike's.  
  
"Tell me how to get you loose," she said, leaning forward slightly and observing the contraption to which he was fastened. "Spike? Why won't you answer me?"  
  
"Because he can't," Adam's voice replied and she straightened her back as she whipped her head his way.  
  
He was coming from across the room, seemingly having appeared through a large hole serving as a door - a wall now slowly sliding back to its original position covering it.  
  
I recognize that, Buffy thought, remembering the place where she had spent a few nights on a mattress.  
  
She must have also looked quizzical because Adam un-bashfully went on with his explanation to her previous question.  
  
"He's at the first stage of transformation... He can't do much of anything right now."  
  
Buffy furrowed her brow and then looked down at Spike. There was a tube sticking out of his right shoulder and it was pumping red liquid into him. Blood...  
  
"What are you doing to him?" she asked, voice trembling with ill-hidden worry and Adam smiled.  
  
"Improving him. You see, he was too strong - in the uncontrollable way - and so I thought I'd make him into something more my taste... The blood weakens him gradually, you see. His being isn't supposed to have it running through him like that. His old heart... who knows what might happen to it? He will be part of my plan, he is worthy enough... as you would have been."  
  
Buffy shook her head at him.  
  
"Well, sorry, but I don't jump through hoops at command. And I'm afraid you'll find out just how little my friend here appreciates that kinda leisure as well," she stated, glancing at Spike as her self-confidence seemed to be returning. It would be all right, just as soon as she could get him out of there. Looking back at Adam she finished: "I've never really been one to toe the line."  
  
Adam watched her for a moment then replied:  
  
"Oh," before he made a small nod with his head, adding: "Kill her."  
  
Someone grabbed her from behind in a tight grip and she realized who it was. Forest. Her heart sank as she felt the strength in him amplified by a hundred since he now was part demon.  
  
"I thought you'd never ask," the previous soldier growled as Buffy began to struggle to get loose.  
  
Adam left the room with one final - seemingly very pleased - look around.  
  
Spike closed his eyes, braced himself and then concentrated every last shred of his power to get his wrists freed from their bonds. His eyes shot open when he heard the unmistakable noise of some sort of machinery being turned on and judging by the situation they found themselves in he was willing to bet is was not a device used for good or healing. He was right. The female zombie had picked up a hand-sized saw, its blade was now rotating furiously on a direct impact course with Buffy's forehead.  
  
However, as the zombie came closer Buffy was finally able to maneuver her out of the way by kicking her feet up and hitting the former on the chin, making her drop the saw before she stumbled backwards. Hitting one of the tables behind her back-first she fell to the floor in a heap.  
  
Forest was next in line. Spike observed the scene for a few more seconds and then remembered why he still wasn't doing anything else but that of acting as the unwilling audience. Closing his eyes again he was on the verge of praying for a miracle when he felt a jolt of energy surge through him and before he knew it he had broken the clasps of the steel bars holding him down. He blinked as the fatigue following this event quickly overcame him and as he tried to stand up he once more found himself failing.  
  
Buffy fought the demonoid with a skill Spike thought he had rarely witnessed in her. He understood, suddenly, that she could bring herself into even deeper focus than when she fought simple vamp fledglings or a stray monster. It was like a light had flicked on somewhere in the back of his brain as he felt as though he witnessed her fight for the very first time.  
  
Or maybe, something remarked, you haven't wanted to recognize it before this moment. Maybe her clear power has always shaken you up, Spike. Because hers is a heritage, hers is the essence of her very self. Your strength is stolen... and with the tip of anything sharp it can end just as quickly as it began.  
  
So can hers, he replied, watching her be thrown mercilessly to the floor.  
  
He clenched his jaws together, took a very small breath and when three of the longest seconds he had ever experienced expired his work paid off as he scooted forward on the seat of the chair and suddenly he fell through the air, landing with a thud on the floor and feeling the pumping of his heart gently coming to a stop.  
  
He saw flickering dots in front of his eyes and he couldn't move, lying sprawled on his right side he couldn't see what was happening to Buffy either.  
  
Right then she was thrown onto one of the operating tables by Forest.  
  
She only knew of one more moment facing a fiend when she had felt as helpless - and that had been when the Master sunk his teeth into her neck.  
  
Okay, Buffy, don't let it take over; you have to keep a clear head. No need to panic, just...  
  
But then the chilly hands of Professor Walsh and her helper grabbed her legs and arms and she felt like she couldn't breathe anymore. So this was it? Was this the death of a Slayer? Not even eye to eye with real competition?  
  
"Is that it?" Forest taunted, his stinking breath slithering across her nostrils and she glared up at him. "Is that all you got?" he added.  
  
"No," Spike replied for her and she felt a small smile spread across her lips, "she's got me," he added and Professor Walsh and the goon were torn away.  
  
"Vampire looking to play hero," Forest murmured, letting Buffy go. "How original."  
  
Just as he was about to advance Buffy sat up and easily directed a well- aimed kick to his head. Getting him out of the way for a few moments she jumped off the table and ran up to Spike.  
  
"I need to get to Adam, like, NOW," she said and he nodded. "Are you able?" she added and he smirked.  
  
It was answer enough for her and she practically sprinted the way Adam had left.  
  
***  
  
7.19 p.m.  
  
The power coursing through her was nearly painful as it linked her with the Slayer's who had walked the Earth before her.  
  
She was barely aware of what she was doing as she spoke words she knew the meaning of, but of which she could not speak the language. Her voice was shared with her kin through the ages and she saw flashes of their faces before her eyes.  
  
Adam was now facing her, and she showed him exactly what it was he was up against. No weapon in the world could, in that moment, have frightened her. As he fired his she once more spoke and the bullets were caught in the shield those words produced before her, rippling the air with waves as though it was actually water.  
  
Adam changed from machinegun into a small missile launcher, but with one wave of her hand the threat turned into three white doves, splitting up and flying in different directions.  
  
She felt the calm sail through her easily and she knew what she was supposed to do.  
  
Making the arm which Adam had so demonstratively turned into a weapon retract to being simply his hand again she faced the demon and as he tried to hit home with his punches she avoided them as though he was doing them in slow motion. Then she retaliated. It seemed as everything in one moment was pacing almost excruciatingly sluggishly to in the next second be flashing passed her.  
  
Adam stared up at her.  
  
"How can you...?" he began, but she cut him off, grabbing a tighter hold on his throat as well as the one of his wrists that had been lifted to deliver a strike, and answering:  
  
"You can never hope to grasp the source of our power."  
  
There was a moment of time standing still, she was sure of it, and then the scene had changed as she buried her fingers deep inside the monster's chest, touching the spine before she felt the heat of his artificial life. Clasping it tightly she ripped it out of him and it glowed in light green as she let it rest on her palm.  
  
"But yours is right here," she added to her previous sentence, Adam making a small noise as he crumbled to the side.  
  
Dead.  
  
A hundred voices whispered her name, a hundred voices called to her over the barriers which separated her from them; they touched her from the other side.  
  
Raising her eyes as the uranium flowed up in the air her mouth once more spoke with the joined voices of what constituted her ancestors and then the core folded in on itself shining with bright, white light and was in the next second swallowed by the air.  
  
It was over.  
  
Sister, a voice said gently. Sister, we are waiting for you. Buffy, you will be welcomed. You will be resting with us. When the sun rises, sister... When it rises.  
  
"Buffy."  
  
His voice was coming from far away and then his fingers gently slid into her locks and rested against her cheek, the way it had so many times before, and she was ushered back to reality as the bond with those passed was broken and she was alone in her body once more.  
  
She fell forward, and he caught her.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
This chapter has contained explicit conversation from the BtVS episode Primeval; all rights to writer David Fury. ( and thanks, Dave, for not banning this kind of use of your work.) *kiss*  
  
Wow, it's getting hot in here! :) Hehe, nah, but it really is. It's so hot you'd rather just take your clothes off! Okay, neways. ;) *grin*  
  
Hope you liked this chapter. Not a lot for my imagination to do, really, except for the rewriting, of course. Well, I still hope you enjoyed it. I wanted to tie the Adam part of this story up good and proper. Plus, it's the second last episode, so. I'm still not sure if I should do my version of Restless. We'll see about that, k? Thanks for all the encouragement I've gotten already, though!  
  
Special and sizzling thanks to Night (*smiles* I try my best. *wink* And heh and hehe!) ;), wolf116 (hope this was all right for the whole Spike's dramatic capture solvation...!) :), Captain (It's just great to hear from ya again and as said, not sure about Restless quite yet - but thanks for the confidence!) :), gattaca (Sorry to not quench your desire for Spuffy with this chappy, girl.) :( :), Carol (The plot got kinda sqeezed into its original form in this chapter I suppose... Hope you still approve.) :), Erica (Haha, I agree about the Riley-schmuck thing - and for the rest of it...we'll see) ;), Renee' (Happy birthday! Well, four days too late, I know, but still! ;) Hope you had a good one and yup, DVD collection is my very humble hands. :) The guards...well, just two guards, kinda... Two whatever that were there... I skipped the Forest being there bit, to point it out I mean, but yeah, one of the guards could very well be that little nasty. Glad you liked and your welcome for the b-day gift, it was the least I could give ya, right?) ;), Leanne (Thanks for the Willow comment, that warmed! And hehe about the Xander being punched in the nose. AND the bod of a god comment. *wink* Spike is, as you could tell from this chapter, just fine and dandy now. Oh, and thanks for the Anya correction, it has been taken care of and yeah, total and utter goof! That was REALLY cool, about the reviews and yeah, go you! Thanks for making me a part of that very special moment, girl, it's neat to be that figure!) :P, Rachel (aw, great that you think so! Well, sorry if I disappointed veering it kinda straight back to the original thing... And that was some kinda wonderful to hear, that this is one of your all time faves! Thanks a lot and trust me, I can barely believe it's almost done either! *tear*) :( ;) and maribel (yeah, well, you never know what lurks in the minds of madmen, right? ;) Glad ya like and hope this chapter was what you had hoped... Well, at least nothing less than what you expected!) -  
  
To ALL thanks a lot for continuing support. I know it's been a while now and I can't say how great it feels to see you back after a new installment! I hope you're still digging it! ;)  
  
See ya next time, then?  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	48. In the Ripples of Victory

*********************************TRAppED********************************  
  
Forty-Eight: In the Ripples of Victory  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-07-18  
  
**************************************************************************** **  
  
Day Thirty-Seven.  
  
7.41 p.m.  
  
She held onto him so tightly that he thought she was going to break his neck, but then her grip slowly eased up and she moved her head to look up at him.  
  
She had seemed possessed, her eyes had been glowing yellow, but now the green in them shone up at him as a smile grew onto her lips and he returned it. She looked revived, somehow.  
  
"What happened?" he asked.  
  
"Our plan worked," she replied simply. "We won."  
  
He nodded, almost in disbelief that he had been part of it, and then she put her arms around him again, hugging him hard. She let him go, swirled around while at the same time slipping one of her hands into his before starting towards the exit, pulling him with her and he followed.  
  
She slowed her steps as they took her passed Adam's lifeless body, looking down at it she paused for one third of a second before she turned her head to Spike instead. This time he smiled tryingly at her and she smiled back, drawing a small breath before they proceeded up to the door.  
  
Buffy kept her hold on Spike's hand as they walked through the larger room where she had fought the soldier formally known as Forest. She knew the thing he had been transformed into was dead, Spike must have killed him.  
  
So much carnage. Just as Adam had wanted it. But now the bodies of those killed would rest in peace.  
  
The Slayer and the Vamp pushed through the barricade in front of the exit and joined the Scoobies in the connecting room.  
  
"Buffy," Giles said as he, Willow and Xander all turned their heads to Spike and her.  
  
Willow came up to them, smiling excitedly as she hugged Buffy and said:  
  
"Wasn't it amazing?"  
  
Buffy nodded, hugging her back. As they broke apart again Xander stated:  
  
"You were great."  
  
"WE were great," Buffy corrected him.  
  
And she meant it. She had felt how they had been there. It had been Giles' thoughts translating the words he spoke through her so that she could understand them, it had been Willow who promoted the final destruction of the core and it had been Xander who linked the three of them with her as all of them brought forth the ancient strength of her legacy.  
  
A few moments later they were all moving toward the door, the body of a killed demon laying sprawled to the right of it and Buffy made a mental note to ask what that was all about just as she kicked the door off its hinges. Soon they were battling their way out of the Initiative; unaware that cross country, in a federal building, a group of suits and uniforms were just discussing why they needed to shut the project to control the demonic world down. Why they needed to terminate the experiment of creating their own version of it, and harness its power.  
  
The Initiative was no more.  
  
***  
  
9.05 p.m.  
  
Buffy had successfully ignored the dirty looks Xander kept giving her hand which was holding Spike's in a firm grip as they walked the streets toward where they would all split up in different directions. No one spoke, but they still shared something not unlike quiet satisfaction. The city in which they lived was once again safe. Though it couldn't really relate to the word in the way it should as there were beasts still stalking the shadows - but the group was content in the knowledge that there wouldn't be anything luring them far OUT of those shadows, at least not for another while.  
  
Willow sent Buffy smiles, encouraging and filled with friendly warmth; Buffy returned them easily and in between them she stole glances at Spike, who turned his head to her each time she did with a look in his eyes that she couldn't construe. It was as though he wanted to tell her something, but couldn't find the right approach.  
  
They all came to a stop at the crossroads where they were parting. Xander looked from one to the other, though his eyes barely graced Spike and then finally stopped in Buffy's. She met them steadily and then tried a smile, which he barely returned and she released Spike's hand to walk up to the other and wrap her arms around him in a tight embrace.  
  
"I love you, you know," she whispered in his ear and she could feel his hold on her grow tighter as well, which made a small smile spread on her lips as she closed her eyes. "We'll talk in the morning," she added, pulling away from him and he nodded.  
  
"Good job," he then said with a small shrug, elaborating: "With the slaying and all."  
  
She smiled wider at that.  
  
"You too," she replied and he smirked a little before turning to Giles, shaking his hand and saying good night.  
  
After hugging Willow so hard he practically lifted her off the ground he then turned and went on his way.  
  
Giles stepped up to Buffy and embraced her gently.  
  
"I am as proud of you as ever I was," he said and she smiled again, feeling the pride she herself felt at those words swell in her chest as they let each other go. "We'll talk in the morning too. And you," he added, turning to Willow who raised her eyebrows quizzically: "Nicely done," he commended and she smiled before they hugged as well.  
  
Spike was about to scoff at the display of warmth and affection, but then Giles fixed his gaze on him and tentatively reached out one hand. The vampire stared at him, then at the limb held out to him, before he just as hesitatingly took it in a tight grip.  
  
Looking up again the Watcher held his gaze for a few long seconds and then inclined his head the fraction of an inch before he let the other's hand go. Spike blinked, wondering what exactly this exchange had meant.  
  
Without further ado, however, Giles turned and went on his way.  
  
The three left stood still for a short while, then looked at each other and started to walk as well. Buffy once more taking Spike's hand, and all of them once more staying silent as they headed toward the college dorms. As the buildings began to grow into view Buffy was overcome with the sudden sense of how tired she actually was.  
  
The relief of having it all being done with, the fact that her largest threat had been defeated. The strain her body and mind as well as her spirit had been under at that last confrontation. And the true happiness she felt as she knew she had been dreadfully wrong in one aspect all along - she would NEVER stand alone, no matter what was up ahead; her friends would always be there with her. All of this was getting the better of her and she longed for bed, for rest.  
  
Willow punched in the code to the front door and they all filed through it. The quiet of the inside folded itself upon them and for some reason it grew pressing in a way it hadn't been outdoors. They walked up the stairs and Spike slowed Buffy's and his steps as they approached the door of Willow and hers room.  
  
Willow turned her head to them, as though wondering where they had gone, and then she smiled before she stopped and walked back up to them.  
  
"I can take a hint," she smirked with a glance at Spike, who returned the expression as she put her arms around Buffy. "Every year there's something," the redhead muttered and Buffy suppressed a giggle, and then she nodded. "But at least we're the ones coming out standing," the former added and Buffy squeezed her a little tighter before they pulled away from the other.  
  
Willow turned to Spike and again there was hesitation before she quickly embraced him as well. She looked a little sheepish as she backed away, seemingly waiting for some kind of livid or perhaps merely clear reaction of objection from him.  
  
Spike couldn't oblige her. For the first time he felt a twirl of something very close to appreciation inside as he looked down at the Wicca and saw it appear in her eyes as well. He was so surprised by it that his brain short- circuited and he couldn't even get out a "good night".  
  
Willow gave them both another smile and then made herself scarce as she walked up to the door and through it, leaving them alone.  
  
Buffy looked up at him, a smile still playing in the corners of her mouth at the obvious confusion in his eyes.  
  
"Is it so hard to understand?" she asked and he turned his gaze questioningly in hers. "You did good tonight," she said. "A lot of it. Is it so unbelievable that they saw that, and acknowledged it?"  
  
He sighed, closing his eyes.  
  
"Yeah," he then grumbled and she put her arms around him, stepping into him and nestling her face against his throat as his arms slid around her and held her to him.  
  
They stood still for such a long time Buffy felt her eyelids begin to grow heavy with sleep. She didn't want to let him go, though, and so she merely leaned on him.  
  
"Tired?" he asked softly and she murmured something he couldn't quite make out before she pulled back to look up at him.  
  
"I should've come with YOU instead," she moaned and he smiled a small smile before shaking his head.  
  
"Go to bed and have a good night's sleep," he merely replied. "I take it there's a lotta stuff that's gonna need sortin' out in the morning," he added and she furrowed her brow at the reminder.  
  
"I always have a good night's sleep when I'm sleeping next to you," she then mumbled, not able to suppress a yawn and his smile broadened.  
  
"Stop arguing," he instructed, his arms letting her go and then one of his hands gently pushed her towards her door.  
  
"I'm usually not like this," she stated soberly and now he smirked. "Usually I'm awake for hours after a face off like that... I don't understand why I'm so exhausted."  
  
"Buffy," he said, making her look him in the eye before he leaned forward and kissed her tenderly on the lips. "I'll see you in the morning."  
  
"Thank you," she stopped him as he was turning to leave and he looked back at her. "For saving my life."  
  
He smiled again.  
  
"That's three times you owe me, love," he stated and she returned the smile at that.  
  
Watching him for a few seconds as he once again made as to walk away she reached out a hand and took a hold on the leather of his duster. He frowned slightly, once more turning his head to her and she smiled a little.  
  
"Stay," she said; her voice sounding close to commanding as well as offering.  
  
He looked uncomprehending as she turned the knob of the door and pushed it open before she pulled him with her through the doorway, his eyes growing wondering as he stepped through it and her smile broadened. She closed the door silently, though she was rather certain Willow wasn't asleep yet.  
  
"Buffy," Spike whispered, almost sounding afraid that she wasn't in her rightful mind and she hushed him gently as she began to undress.  
  
He swallowed, his gaze landing on her bed.  
  
She helped him off with the duster and then signed for him to get the rest off on his own accord as she sneaked up to her dresser and got a top and a pair of pajama bottoms out for herself. She smirked as he seemed uncertain whether to remove his pants or not, glancing over at the outlining of Willow in her bed.  
  
"Don't be shy," Buffy whispered and he turned his gaze in hers as she added with a much too teasing tone of voice: "Willow's seen one before and besides, she's not even into them anymore."  
  
Spike could have sworn he heard a muffled giggle coming from the dark lump that was the Wicca, and directing a suspicious glare that way he then slid the piece of clothing off.  
  
"Come here," Buffy said as she reached out a hand to him, already seated on her own bed and he approached her cautiously, looking down at her as she crawled under the covers and then moved them aside as an invitation for him to join.  
  
He slid down beside her and she put the covers over him before she contentedly made him put his arms around her as she rested her head against his chest.  
  
"This is how I wanna fall asleep from now on," she mumbled and he smiled, nodding his consent. "Can you promise me you'll never be farther away than this?"  
  
"No," he murmured quietly, "but I can promise I'll try never to be farther away."  
  
"Kiss," she said; voice now so drowsy with sleep that the word sounded more like "kish".  
  
And he graced the top of her head with one before he closed his eyes as well.  
  
***  
  
Day Thirty-Eight.  
  
3.02 a.m.  
  
There was something undefined creeping along the seams of her dreams. It was a dark and obscure blot on the otherwise peaceful contents and she tried to fend it away, but it was too far out of her reach.  
  
It circled right outside her line of sight as she faced her mother and her father.  
  
"But they WERE there!" she exclaimed, staring from one beloved and trusted face to another; seeing them stare back with disbelief and trepidation.  
  
Her mother's eyes filled with tears before she suddenly turned away, leaving the rest of the confrontation up to her husband. Buffy had tears welling up as well, as her father put on a stern face and leaned slightly closer - the way he always did when he wanted to convey a point.  
  
"I will not hear any more of this from you," he said, voice lowered and trembling with what she didn't want to label angered impatience because she needed his understanding.  
  
If anyone should support her now it would be her father, and her mother. But...  
  
"Not another word!" he continued. "There are no excuses for setting FIRE to a building! There are no explanations you can give your mother and me that would EVER be liable, but paranormal beings on a killing rampage shouldn't be your FIRST option!"  
  
"You SAW them!" she burst out.  
  
"Buffy, sweetheart," Joyce cut in, turning back to her as she swiped at her tears and then reached out her hands to her. "You just experienced something terribly traumatic and your mind is trying to... Fantasy beings is simply your subconscious' way of telling yourself that what you did..."  
  
Buffy frowned, shaking her head.  
  
"I SAVED you! I SAVED those kids in there and then I KILLED the vampires that tried to slaughter us all! And I'm not sorry, I won't ever say I'm sorry and I won't ever change my story to fit yours - do you HEAR me?!" she bellowed, her tears flooding her cheeks as both her parent's eyes grew huge at her words. "NEVER!" she finished before she turned and ran out of the room.  
  
The door closed behind her and she was in the desert. Sand was all that surrounded her, all that she seemed to feel, as though she was a giant hourglass and the sand was slipping through her veins instead of blood - counting down the hours she had left on the earth.  
  
The sky was black above her head, but the sand glistened as though studded with diamonds and suddenly everything began to grow pink and orange and fire-y red moments before a golden line in the horizon pronounced the sun slowly rising.  
  
Buffy could hear the voice she had heard right after Adam had fallen into a lifeless heap at her feet.  
  
And it still whispered its words gently.  
  
As the sun rises...  
  
And still there was that shadow of something else, something uncomfortable waiting to make its move.  
  
She frowned and then turned her head, the desert scenery melting away around her and Sunnydale slipped forth instead, the front porch of her house taking central stage as she looked into Spike's eyes and he raised his eyebrows rather meaningfully. She knew that the moment had come. Turning back to her mother she then took the step up to her and said:  
  
"Mom, I'm a vampire slayer."  
  
"What do you think she's thinking?" Spike asked as Joyce was put on pause, staring blankly at her daughter and Buffy eyed her - at first surprised at the sight and then frowning.  
  
"I don't know," she answered the vampire.  
  
"Do you think she approves?" he wondered and she shrugged.  
  
"She didn't HATE Angel, I'm sure she'll be okay with it," she replied and Spike cocked an eyebrow, moving around to stand behind Joyce and looking over her shoulder at his love.  
  
"You really think so?" he asked skeptically, brushing Joyce's hair away from her neck and opening his mouth, moving his head as though to bite before he stopped himself and chuckled, shaking his head. "Right," he sighed. "Almost forgot," he added, straightening his back and looking back at Buffy with a smirk. "It's a curse, is what it is," he muttered and she raised her eyebrows again. "The chip..."  
  
"Right," she nodded, smiling at him. "Of course."  
  
"So," he said, moving around Joyce to take a place behind Buffy instead, slipping his arms around her as he watched Joyce's face in the same manner Buffy was, "you think she'll be happy that you're with me?"  
  
"Yeah," Buffy nodded, leaning back. "I think she will be. She wants what's best for me."  
  
"Me?" Spike wondered and she smiled as she turned around in his arms and looked up at him before nodding slowly.  
  
"You," she then confirmed and he returned her smile before he bent down to join their lips.  
  
That was when the desert poured back in all its gilded glory and at the sudden light Buffy opened her eyes. She stared into his, and they grew slowly before he looked up and into the widening stretch of glittering gold continuingly rising above the horizon.  
  
"Spike," she whispered as he looked down at her and then he started to glow with the fire beginning to consume him from within.  
  
"Don't worry," he said gently.  
  
She woke with a sharp breath and turned her head immediately to the sleeping form of her lover still lying next to her. Relaxing as he was still there she drew another, though this time small, breath and then smiled a little. Listening to his soft breathing she closed her eyes and placed her head on his chest again.  
  
She still had the unsettling sense of being watched by something just outside her line of comprehension, it fluttered there and disturbed her worse now than it had while she was still asleep.  
  
Another thing clouded her mind as well, making it all the more troublesome to relax so that she once again could drift off; she couldn't stop thinking of what the dream had reminded her of.  
  
She needed to see her mother, there seemed to be a lot they needed to talk about... And Buffy was afraid that Joyce would actually have trouble accepting Spike. She was almost certain that her mother would have a problem with yet another vampire thrust into the family... and this one lacking a soul, which would surely only enhance the older woman's difficulty in relating with him in any way.  
  
Adam was gone, her Slayer side could rest easier for the time being.  
  
But tomorrow she was going to talk to Xander, and to Giles and as it presented itself now also to her own mother about a man - a being - that she needed in her life more than anything right now and if they for some reason tried to talk her out of that need, if they couldn't give her their support and love in this, then she didn't know what she would do.  
  
She decided to push all of it out of her thoughts, there was nothing she could do about it right this instant was there?  
  
She finally slipped back into her dreams, though the disturbance of something undefined following her stayed close by for the rest of the night.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
I am horribly sorry and I don't think I can apologize enough for this chapter being over a week and half late and so I'm not even going to start. I hope for forgiveness and shall try my best to repent by doing my outmost at getting the next chapter out a LOT sooner. This is almost it, gals and guys. I have to say I'm kinda stalling as well, 'cause I don't wanna say good-bye to this story - or all of you! Okay, drying my tears now. After all, the show must go on, right?  
  
I truly do hope you thought this chapter lived up to the standard I have set and that you enjoyed reading it. If anyone wonders I believe there are three more chapters left. It might stretch to four, but I doubt it going farther than that. *sob*  
  
Okay, very, VERY special thanks to wolf116 (glad you approve and hope you get more sure about the Spike-in-Riley's place soon... ;) Well, look it - Spike=gooood while Riley=ugha. It HAS to at least be a LITTLE better, right? :P Oh, and I know, that sequence is SO funny - but of course, I'd have to write that ep differently to fit my storyline... at least a little, I think.) :), maribel (hey girl, aw, I know! It's almost over! Happy though to hear that you think it's sad too. *smile* At least there are a few more chapters than just the one left. And yay that ya liked!) :), gattaca (Oh, that is more than lovely to read, you know?! And again with the so sorry this chapter is so darn late! *forgiveness!* Happyhappy you liked it, girlie!) :), Captain (I take my hat off to you, I am SO happy you think so! Oh, silly muse! Hey, get her into rehab, k? And be sure to visit her often so that she really knows and feels that you care... that MIGHT help! ;) Seriously though, that's a bummer and I hope you guys can sort it out! Well, I do hope you liked this chapter!) ;), Rachel (*smiles wide* I hope it'll stay that way then! :) I'm glad you recognize that. Hehe, I'm really really really glad he left town too. :) Oh yeah, I'll rewrite seasons five and six as well, and when I'm done with those season seven is bound to be out on DVD and then I'll take care of that too... not to mention when I move on the Angel. ;P Thanks for the encouragement, though! And SO sorry about the lateness on this chapter!) :), etoile (It's so nice to hear from you! Thanks so much for that! Really wonderful to read!!!) :), Mel (On It's Always the Quiet Ones - great that you liked it! And that it fitted with your own, you know, thoughts on it and yeah, he punched him good and hard. ;) Thanks for that last comment, girl! On The Strength Within - hehe, glad you liked the whole Spike switching places with Riley deal. I must say one of the things I really will always miss in the real BtVS series is how little we got to see Buffy and Spike nice and normal and good together, you know? We kinda never got that at all and it just SUCKS! Anyways... fanfiction is therapy for that, ain't it? Well, great that ya liked and hey, I swear, about the whole taking my clothes off - I wasn't serious!) ;P, Erica (On Conflicts Postponed - I know, I had the same problem all of last weekend, it was impossible for me to enter the sight in any way. How frustrating is that?! But, I am glad you approve of the story and also that you like the twist! Hey, who wouldn't want more of the Spuffyness, eh? On The Strength Within - hehe, great to read about you liking the Spike-Riley switch. *grins* I'm not entirely sure about Restless yet, either. We'll see how it pans out. Might do just Buffy. Hope the latest chapter was to your liking!) ;), Blood-for-Love (That was so incredibly nice of a review I can't even begin to say how great it was to read it! WOW! I'm flattered and extremely happy right now! Thank you! Also you've had me giggling at the whole scenario you're painting up there for me. *snicker* I hope those customers weren't too upset. ;) Also, your last comment truly touched me, it meant a lot and I just wanna say truly - thank you so much.), Cate (I'm happy, I'm happy, I'm happy! It's wonderful that you keep enjoying this story and that you share your thoughts with me! Hope this chapter worked for you as well!) :), Leanne (hehe, speak on, girlfriend! ;P Well, unless there are loud complaints from the rest of the group. *sheepish* ;) Oh, thanks alot for the Spike comment, that was actually especially nice to read 'cause I mean - I got it - but I thought what if you guys wouldn't think it...realistic. So yeah, that was extra nice to read! And yeah, the Riley thing, I know, poor fella's out there all chipwrecked. *snicker* Nah, but we'll see... I think I actually have an idea how to... you know, adress it. Great comments as always, my friend. Very vivid and full of personal thoughts. I thank thee!) :), Night (okay, I know and I AM sorry!!! This chapter was MUCH too late! And *smirk* at that comment. ;) And woah to that compliment there, girl. That was really awesome to read that you think. That I'd be FIT to write for the now unfortunately and excrutiatingly non- existant show! *smiles* Seriously though, that is a huge, huge amount of flattery cramped into one sentence and just, woah! I'll aim for the script of the movie they HAVE to make somehow, will you support me?! Thanks a lot nevertheless, girl!) :), Caitee (haha, that's VERY nice to read. Hehe, glad you enjoyed and hope same goes for this laaaaate chapter.) ;) and Liz Darcy (- hey! Nice to have you back and don't sweat it, girl. I knew there'd be a reason for one of the most faithful not to write. ;) Really nice to have you back. The lack of time thing - I so understand! I'm just gonna comment all the feedback at once, k? Thanks so much for reviewing every chapter like that! (44) Pleased as peach pie that you liked! And... (45) Okay good, you approve of the way the Gang took the news as well! *yay* *I am SMILING right now* ;) 46 hehe, thanks for loads of great comments here. I'm glad you liked the explanation about Adam. I know he wasn't the really cunning kind, but even buff's have their moments, right? ;) And the un-impactable sentence, eh? :) (47) Well, what can I say other than I'm just grateful to the good Almighty that so many people, very much including you, like this story! And again and again thanks for letting me know!) - THANK YOU ALL, I LOVE YOU, THERE'S NO TWO WAYS ABOUT IT! YOU ARE THE BEST THERE IS AND I WILL THINK SO ALWAYS!  
  
Okay, so I shall go on to writing the next chapter within the nearest couple of days and it WILL be up. Scouts honor. (I was never a scout, but pretend like you don't know, k?) ;)  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	49. Let's Talk About It

*********************************TRAppED**********************************  
  
Forty-Nine: Let's Talk About It  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-07-30  
  
****************************************************************************  
  
Day Thirty-Eight.  
  
8.30 a.m.  
  
"...all stuffed with fluff, he's Winnie the Pooh, Winnie the Pooh; silly, nilly, willy old bear..."  
  
His eyes opened and met hers as a smile spread across his lips. Her voice had gently disturbed his dreams and as he now looked at her a feeling of pure pleasure flooded his chest. Putting up a hand by her cheek he stroked his thumb over it and then he asked:  
  
"You serenading me, love?"  
  
"With the theme from Winnie the Pooh?" she asked back, a smirk occurring on her mouth and he chuckled.  
  
"Hey, you could be Piglet," he offered and she giggled as well.  
  
"That could get disgusting," she remarked and his smile widened considerably before he moved his arms and hooked his hands in her armpits, pulling her up so that he could kiss the tip of her nose.  
  
Nudging his own along the side of it he then joined their lips softly.  
  
Pulling apart she rested her forehead against his and closed her eyes.  
  
"I dreamed about you," she mumbled.  
  
"Was it a good dream?" he asked and she felt an ache somewhere close to her heart before she opened her eyes again and looked into his.  
  
"Yeah," she then lied; not wanting to deal with the explanation she knew she would owe him if she said that it had been down right terrifying, not wanting to disrupt the comfort. "Yeah, it was a really good dream."  
  
He turned his head to look over at the room's second bed, which was now empty as well as neatly made.  
  
"Where's Red?" he wondered.  
  
"She rises at dawn, I swear," Buffy muttered, then smiled as she sat up, collecting her hair to throw it over one shoulder as she kept her eyes in his. "Notice anything... different?" she inquired and he narrowed his eyes as he tried to see a change somewhere on her.  
  
"Only lack of frenzy on you, pet," he finally concluded and her gaze grew even a few degrees warmer as she reached out and slipped her fingers to lock with his.  
  
"I think I once told you that you know me way too well," she said and he cocked an eyebrow questioningly. "I wasn't exaggerating," she added and he grinned before he squeezed her hand a little.  
  
"Now you're just bloody buttering me up... I scent a favor closing in..." he said and her eyes grew into pure innocence before she once again smiled, this time sweetly.  
  
"Well, there is the lack of frenzy - you were SO completely right about that," she replied and he blinked, a meaningful expression taking a firm place on his features and she bit her lower lip before she continued: "But there's also the obvious need and severe hope that you'll grant me that inclosing favor and... come with me to see my mom this afternoon," she confessed, the last part so quickly that a human ear would most likely have been unable to perceive it.  
  
However, both of Spike's ears suffered no such malfunction and he heard every word. They made his eyes grow into shock as he sat up and stared at her.  
  
"Well... you don't need ME to come with you and see her," he stated, the trace of a question imbedded in the sentence. "I mean... bloody hell, Slayer, wouldn't she take to wondering what the hell I was doing back at her doorstep?"  
  
Buffy shifted slightly in her seat when he let her hand go and removed the sheet, which had been covering his legs, in order to move to the side of the bed; opposite the one by which she was sitting. She looked at his back and then crawled over to him, leaning into him from behind and putting her arms around him before she rested her head in the cranny of his neck.  
  
"No, she wouldn't wonder," she said and he turned his head to glance at her over his shoulder. "'Cause I'd explain it to her," she added and now he twisted his upper-body to once again ogle her, this time in clear disbelief.  
  
"You don't have to do that," he grumbled, but she smiled once more, shaking her head a little at him.  
  
"Do what - exactly?" she inquired gently.  
  
"Turn everything upside down!" he answered, getting to his feet and spinning around to face her as her hands settled in her lap.  
  
She furrowed her brow before replying:  
  
"'Everything' is finally clicking into place! Can't you see?"  
  
They simply eyed each other for a few short minutes and then Buffy stood as well, took the step up to him and wrapped her arms around him again.  
  
"Don't you understand?" she asked as he tentatively held her back. "I want you in my life. And I want everybody to know it. That's how we can start..."  
  
She trailed off, tilting her head back slightly to look up at him. He met her gaze and held it, then at last a smile formed on his mouth and she returned it with relief zooming through her nerves as she began to relax.  
  
"You'll go with me?" she asked hopefully.  
  
"I'll go with you," he confirmed and she smiled even brighter as she hugged him hard.  
  
Releasing him she ran her hands down his chest in a tender caress before she turned away from him and said:  
  
"I really dislike covering that magnificent body of yours - but Willow could walk through that door at any moment, and so perhaps you should put something on."  
  
He smirked as he watched her begin to make the bed.  
  
"Thought you said I shouldn't be shy," he pointed out. "Thought you said she wasn't 'into them' anymore."  
  
He received a pillow in the face for that comment.  
  
***  
  
9.36 a.m.  
  
Xander looked up when the door to Giles' apartment opened, and when he laid eyes on the two trotting rather insecurely through it he looked away with a tightening jaw line. Buffy drew a small breath and turned her head to Giles who came into the room from the kitchen. He gave her a greeting nod and then looked at Spike, who tried to keep a flare of arrogance about him, but had to admit to himself that it was a struggle.  
  
He had never respected the Watcher until the moment the latter extended a hand to him the night prior. Now that respect seemed to expand into making it hard for the vampire to focus on anything at all as he realized that Giles was signing for him to come with him.  
  
Buffy gave him an encouraging glance and he let the hand go, which he had been holding in an extremely firm grip ever since they left her dorm room fifteen minutes earlier, as he tried to send her the same emotion - knowing that she would now try to speak with Xander.  
  
The Slayer and the Vamp split up and went to face whatever unknown terror might be up ahead.  
  
Buffy went around to sit down on the couch next to Xander, who was gritting his teeth and twining his hands with stiff movements, ardently refusing to grant her even the slightest indication that he understood she was there.  
  
She braced herself, then began to speak.  
  
"I know it was a shock," she said. "I can't say I saw it coming myself. I mean, how could I have? I'd never disliked someone with such seethe before in my entire life! I couldn't even have imagined that all of a sudden he'd change my opinion of him so... drastically that I - now - actually find myself needing him... with me... Xander?" She paused, trying to make him look at her as she finished: "If you could just try..."  
  
"To what?!" he interrupted, his voice low with the trepidation he felt at seeing her doing this - pleading that thing's case like this. "To see him through your eyes? Spare me the soap-bit, Buffy. I can't see him as anything but what he is. Sorry to have to disappoint you. Sorry to rob you of the silver lined ending."  
  
She frowned, then shook her head.  
  
"I don't want that," she stated. "I don't want you to lie and say you're okay with it. I don't want you to HAVE to. I can only ask this of you: that you try to understand, as my friend, that to ME he means something more; and that I can't change that simply 'cause you're having trouble accepting it. As for the 'seeing him for what he is' part I can't do anything but say wait and you might get to see just that. And once you do I believe that you'll change your mind about him, just like I did."  
  
"Save the melodramatic punch lines," he snarled, rising to his feet. "They leave a bad taste in my mouth."  
  
"Why do you hate him, Xander?" she asked, though she thought she might already know the answer she was still unsure whether Xander even knew it himself.  
  
He paused, back to her, and then he turned around with an incredulous look on his face.  
  
"Why?!" he exclaimed.  
  
"Yeah..." she mumbled.  
  
"The trying-to-take-you-down, the kidnapping-Willow-and-me, the trying-to- BITE-Willow, the never-ever-seizing-plans-for-destruction - those AREN'T enough of a reason for you?!" he barked and Buffy tried to remain calm as she looked up at him from where she was still seated.  
  
"I think it runs deeper," she replied simply and before he could bellow another protest she hurriedly continued: "I think it has to do with your first introduction to this world we're living in... and the creatures that inhabit it..." He stared at her now, the anger and something dreadfully resembling hurt twirled in his gaze, but he waited for her to finish what she had begun and so she did, with: "I think deep down all of them stand for what killed Jesse."  
  
He swallowed hard, then turned from her again about a moment too late to hide the shining tears filling his eyes.  
  
"I know Spike has done so much harm. I know he might not deserve a second chance. But I'm asking you," she now said as she rose and slowly approached one of her absolute best friends, stopping right behind him as she added: "to please, give it to him. I'm not saying you need to like him... I'm just asking you to tolerate him. Please! For my sake."  
  
"Buffy," Xander grumbled, moving his hands over his cheeks to dry the salt off of them before he turned his head to look at her. "He doesn't deserve to even rest his eyes on you, much less a second chance..." As he trailed off she felt her heart flutter with sudden hope and as Xander shook his head a little she felt it leap. "He's NOT a Scoob," Xander warned and Buffy threw herself around his neck in a harsh embrace which had him practically on his knees begging her to go easy on him.  
  
She apologized with another smile as she made sure there seemed to be no signs of inner injuries and then she hugged him again, this time a bit more normal and he held her close to him in the protective way that he so often adopted around her.  
  
"Who could ever resist you," Xander muttered and she laughed softly, patting his back before she pulled away from him.  
  
"See," she then said, "I think you're already starting to understand him."  
  
***  
  
9.40 a.m.  
  
Giles waited for Spike to step through the door of the guest bedroom before he closed it behind their backs and turned to the vampire. He had never seen the bleached blonde in such obvious lack of words and felt a need to smile over it, though he successfully managed to suppress it. He had the upper hand already as it was; there was no need to rub it in.  
  
Spike glanced about his surroundings, at the tasteful decorating of bookshelves all filled with rare volumes and the large oak bed standing to his right. The room had such a clear English air to it that Spike could do nothing but be reminded of how the man now before him had more in common with him than he would have liked to admit.  
  
"I have no proof as of this day that would tell me to trust you," Giles picked up the thread of speech and Spike fixed his eyes in his as he listened with rising worry, when the Watcher seemed to wait for a response Spike raised his eyebrows.  
  
"No," he then agreed. "No proof at all. 'Xept maybe the me-helping-you-lot- yesterday... perhaps?" he then tried and Giles had the shadow of a smile grace his lips before he replied:  
  
"And how can I know that that was not to serve your own purpose?"  
  
Spike blinked.  
  
"The purpose being something profoundly evil thus I helped to save your lives?" he then asked, growing just a tad aggravated and Giles eyed him for a moment before he said:  
  
"You are older than me, by far. You possess, I am quite sure, wisdom regarding this earth and how to live on it which I shall never even come close to... I made a choice a long while back to pass from the line of doing nothing good and onto the path of something truer - something stronger. The saying 'good shall overcome' is not for not, as I am certain you are aware."  
  
He paused and Spike grew slightly confused where the topic was headed; noticing this the former made the decision to go where he had set out to and continued with:  
  
"In my younger and more foolish days I did some things of which I am not necessarily proud, but still they taught me to... see the good from the evil. They taught me not to be deceived or misled. The things I was involved in gave me one of the more important lessons of my life as they showed me where I did not want to be; where I never wanted to end up. At times you remind me of myself, Spike. You are reckless and a rebel... you want things the way YOU want them, and not the way they are and so you set out to either change them entirely - or simply destroy them. I do not know what has possessed you into changing lanes, Spike. Is it Buffy? Or is it merely the thought of her that serves as that trigger to change it all - or leave it utterly destroyed? Are you thinking of her... William?" Spike's posture grew slightly rigid at that, but Giles had yet to finish as he added: "Or is this another one of those mindless fix ideas that will not let you rest until thoroughly explored? What causes concern is not you telling yourself that it is true - but you telling her. Because, in case you failed to notice, she believes you as only she can when she sets her mind to it: with her whole heart. She cares for you, a great deal. It surprised me greatly to see it, I confess, but it also scared me in a way you never have been able to before. You are stronger than I, immensely so - but if you have set yourself out to cause her pain I swear to you it will return to you tenfold."  
  
He seemed to be done. Spike stared at him with a blend of enraged astonishment moving around his heart. This had not been what he had been expecting.  
  
"I won't cause her pain," he murmured, clearing his throat before he added with even more conviction: "I love her. More than you will ever know. And I was bloody appalled at first! For even... wanting her. But I couldn't fight it. She is everything I need to feel..."  
  
"Good?" Giles filled in and at that Spike had to smile tentatively.  
  
"I suppose this still doesn't count as persuasion for you to believe me," the latter stated. "Guess it's time's job to tell if you can trust me - or not."  
  
They eyed each other in silence for a short while and then Giles gave a nod before he said:  
  
"It is quite ironic, if you think about it."  
  
Spike looked quizzical.  
  
"What is?" he then asked and Giles smiled one of his small smiles again before he inquired:  
  
"Remember what I asked you when I came to your crypt after you completely wrecked my car and I still had to pay you the debt I owed you?"  
  
Spike thought for a moment, and then his eyes lit up just before he nodded that he did, and a smirk drew across his features as he recalled the dramatic getaway from the soldier boys and their killers on four wheels which he had managed in Giles' wreck of a machine. Then his smirk died as he also remembered exactly how long he had been able to hold onto the money Giles was referring to, which had been less than a day since he had been shot in the back and tagged and thus had needed the Scoobies now-for-sale help to get the darn device out of him.  
  
"I think I remember, yeah," he muttered.  
  
"What did I ask, then?"  
  
"I don't remember THAT," Spike replied grouchily, still thinking of his three-hundred dollars as he added: "I remember the scenario of you coming to PAY me, not-..."  
  
"I asked you if it hadn't occurred to you that all of it - you being chipped, only fighting demons, all of that - that it might be part of a higher purpose," Giles cut in and Spike clenched his jaws together as he actually did remember that, at the time, completely ridiculous question. "Listening to you is at times a horror, Spike," the Watcher now added. "At other times quite amusing and then there are those moments where you seem to let your intelligence shine through your rough exterior and I would not be the educated man that I am if I could not see it - or let the knowledge of me seeing it be admitted. Hearing you now... Well, I may not believe in YOU per say, but I believe in Buffy and so I will be no obstacle for her. Or you."  
  
"Is that your blessing?" Spike asked, a hint of sarcasm in his tone and Giles smiled once more, patiently.  
  
"She is still young, Spike. You need to remember that."  
  
"And you need to realize that she is a lot more mature than most of you seem to get," the vamp retorted. "She saves the world and I'm sure she'll keep doing that till the day it bloody... kills her," he added, the last two words causing him to stop himself and he seemed to grow self-conscious as he suddenly drifted off into musings. "She's old for her age, is all I'm saying," he finally finished, looking back at the Watcher who had removed his glasses to polish them; and now put them back in place on the bridge of his nose.  
  
"And you are eternal," Giles said much too gently, it made the words all the more sharpened and Spike felt the urge to wince, but fought it back down.  
  
"I love her," he murmured, it being the only comeback he could think of.  
  
"Then I suppose you shall love her forever," Giles replied, voice still as smooth as butter and Spike swallowed as he watched the other turn and open the door, stepping through it and closing it, leaving the vampire alone with a stillness that was much too quiet.  
  
***  
  
12.44 p.m.  
  
The Summers home was filled with the smells and noises of cooking. From the food on the stove and from the lady cutting up salad to in the next moment swing around and check that the rise was coming along as it should. Buffy stood in the doorway, watching her mother do five things at the same time and wondering if she would ever be able to do that. What kind of a mother would she be?  
  
Pushing the thought away she glanced back at Spike, who was lingering in the hall - duster replaced by a dark-blue sweater and his face a mask of forced calm. She gave him a smile and he returned it right before she stepped into the other room saying:  
  
"Smells appetizing, mom! Whatcha making?"  
  
Joyce looked up, clearly in oblivion that her daughter had already arrived, and then she smiled widely as she came around the breakfast table in the center of the kitchen (on which the vegetable ingredients as well as the cutting board for the salad were spread out) to give the latter a huge and warm hug.  
  
"I've missed you!" she said and Buffy returned her smile. "I thought we said, with the whole Faith ordeal, that we'd see more of each other but you don't write, you don't call - what's a mother to do?" she added and Buffy's smile widened before she looked apologetic.  
  
"I'm so sorry! It's just... I've been a little busy," she explained.  
  
"With the vampires?" Joyce asked in a conspiratorially tone of voice and Buffy smiled - this time wavering - before she nodded.  
  
"Yeah... Um, mom," she said and Joyce, who now had moved back up to the stove and took the rise off it, turned her head back to her daughter with a questioning look. "I brought someone," the latter added hesitantly. "For lunch. A guest... Well, you sort of know him..."  
  
Joyce now had her full attention back on Buffy who leaned back slightly where she stood so that she could sign for Spike to come and join them. He did, all be it on the verge of cautiously, and when he entered the kitchen Joyce stared at him. Then at Buffy. Then back at him.  
  
"I'm sorry, where are my manners," she finally got a grip on herself before she took the steps dividing them and resolutely reached out one hand, taking one of his. "Of course you're more than welcome. Please, go ahead into the dining room - it's right in there. Buffy, would you stay and help me?"  
  
Buffy nodded, exchanging a look with Spike before he left the room.  
  
"I think the roast is just about done," Joyce stated, looking into the oven. "If you cut up those tomatoes I'll take the cucumber and then I believe we're ready to serve this meal, don't you?"  
  
Buffy opened her mouth to respond, but then changed her mind and moved around to stand by the cutting board, grabbing the knife already lying there and beginning to work on the tomatoes.  
  
"So you... recognize him?" she finally had to ask and Joyce, pottering about with the rise as she put it on a serving dish, seemed to pause before she replied in a lowered voice:  
  
"It's kind of hard forgetting someone you've hit over the head with an axe, especially after HE was the one who had to remind you of it! What is he doing back here? The last time I saw him he was bereft over some woman who had hurt him very badly and one moment he was practically pouring his heart out to me and the next Angel was standing in the doorway, telling me to get away from him, right before YOU stormed into the house and threw."  
  
She paused, turning her head to Buffy with a searching expression and Buffy filled in helpfully with:  
  
"Spike."  
  
"Spike?" Joyce repeated, as though that word seemed as far fetched to be used as a name if she had ever heard one. "Well then, right before YOU stormed into the house and threw 'Spike' down onto a table threatening to do all sorts of things to him and it turned out he had actually KIDNAPPED Willow and Xander and... Oh, Buffy, what are you doing with him? I thought he left Sunnydale, you told me he left! And... why did you invite him here for lunch? What was that look you shared just now all about? What is going on?!"  
  
Buffy swallowed, putting the knife down as she faced her mother who was clearly waiting for her to speak up.  
  
"He came back," she said, hearing how little her voice sounded and not sure she knew a remedy for it. "He's been back now for a while and I... Well, we... I'm..."  
  
She trailed off under her mother's inquisitorial gaze, feeling how she began to grow smaller and smaller.  
  
"Does he eat?" Joyce asked and Buffy's eyes widened before she replied:  
  
"If he feels like it..."  
  
"So, he's still a vampire?"  
  
"I'm not sure there are any un-vampires walking around out there... Usually they just turn into a cloud of dust and so it's kinda hard for them to... walk," Buffy answered, seeing her attempt at wit having been completely wasted on her mother she bit her tongue and confirmed: "He's a vampire."  
  
"And if he loses his soul, like Angel did? If he goes on a killer rampage and hurts you as badly as HE did...? What then?"  
  
Buffy murmured something.  
  
"What?" Joyce demanded.  
  
"He doesn't HAVE a soul, mom," Buffy replied and Joyce leaned back on her heels as if hit in the face, her eyes growing so much they practically bulged before she stepped forward and lowered her voice into a whisper.  
  
"Are you crazy?!"  
  
"Mom..." Buffy tried, searching desperately for the right thing to say. "He's not Angel. He's nothing like Angelus... He's Spike, and he loves me. He loves me! Listen to me..."  
  
"No, no, I won't listen to you. YOU listen to me. He isn't real! Don't you see. If you love him back it's like falling in love with a dream. And it may be a beautiful, wonderful dream, sweetheart - but it's still a dream. And one day you're going to have to wake up from that dream. It's better if you do it today than someday when that dream is all you know!"  
  
"No!" Buffy shook her head. "You're wrong."  
  
"Am I?" Joyce asked, watching the defiant expression on her child's face. "And what future does the two of you have? You will grow old where he will stay young forever. You will die, Buffy, and he will have to go on and on without you. You won't be able to... Won't be able to have children with him, will you? Please! I'm begging you, for your own sake, you cannot..."  
  
"Stop," Buffy cut her off, keeping the tears at bay with force as she met Joyce's gaze. "All of that doesn't matter. All of that could happen even if I had a human for a boyfriend, you know it could. The growing old together bit is something we'll still get to do. It's just that my appearance will change, where his won't. And besides..." She trailed off when she realized she had been about to state the fact that Slayer's didn't exactly have a reputation to live until they could die of natural cause. "Well, I don't know if I can have children," she directed the topic away from that road. "All the kicks I receive all the time... We'll... adopt, if that day comes. Don't worry, mom, you'll have grandchildren. But now I'M asking YOU: please, at least try to understand. He means so much to me, and if you just get to know him I KNOW you'll like him. I know you will. Please... say you'll give it one tiny chance."  
  
Joyce hesitated.  
  
There were a lot of contradictory emotions dancing within her in that moment. A big part of her remembered Angel and what she had actually done to make sure that her daughter would have the same opportunities in life as any other young woman her age. It turned out it had all been for nothing. Here her beloved child was, so strong and proud and sure of herself, professing her devotion to yet another of the being's she was supposed to be slaying.  
  
Why did she have to keep falling in love with them? Couldn't she simply get rid of them BEFORE they could actually hold a normal conversation with her?  
  
Joyce smiled at that thought and then she shook her head with a sigh.  
  
"You're old enough to make your own choices, Buffy," she said. "And I couldn't let something as trivial as a boy come between us."  
  
Buffy smiled back at that, embracing her mother and as they pulled apart she had to remark:  
  
"He's like a hundred years older than you... Don't think he qualifies to be put under the 'boy' category."  
  
Joyce seemed to grow pale for just a second, and then she laughed.  
  
"This is going to take some getting used to, I tell you," she stated and Buffy smiled at her.  
  
"Are we having red or white with dinner?" Spike asked as he entered the kitchen, looking at the two bottles he held in either hand before he looked up.  
  
"Let me see which ones you chose," Joyce replied and Buffy watched them as Spike came up to stand beside the former, enabling her to read the labels. "Oh, you have excellent taste," she commended and Spike smiled tentatively at her before he gave a small shrug with one shoulder.  
  
"I spent some time in France..." he said and Joyce's eyebrows rose with interest.  
  
"Really? During which decade?" she asked and Spike stared at her, rather surprised, before he smirked and replied:  
  
"The twenties and some during the thirties."  
  
"Fascinating... You know, I've always thought England to be at it's most interesting during the late eighteen and early nineteen hundreds, would you say that that was an accurate observation?" she then inquired, bending down as she grabbed the oven mittens and pulled them on, opening the oven and taking the roast out before she closed the former again again.  
  
"I couldn't tell you of the late eighteen hundreds, I had a small problem with hatchets and burning torches greeting me everywhere I went during that time and so I thought it best to leave the country 'til it all boiled over," he answered and Joyce glanced at him before she shook her head.  
  
"I hope it taught you a lesson," she said and he looked at Buffy, who merely shot him another smile of encouragement and he turned back to Joyce as he answered:  
  
"It did... Just took a while for it to sink in."  
  
"Let's have red, shall we?" Joyce said, in reference to the reason the vampire had even entered the kitchen in the first place, as she picked up the dish now harboring the meat and walked passed him. "We can save the white for dessert. Buffy, grab the rise. And what about England during the early nineteen hundreds?" she then asked as Spike followed her into the dining room.  
  
Buffy could hear him reply and she smiled to herself as she grabbed the rise in one hand and the bowl with salad in her other before she followed the other two.  
  
Yes, everything was clicking into place.  
  
Finally.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Wow, a downpour of positivity. Wonderful and lovely, as always. I bow my head and hope that I once more managed my aim and satisfied your appetite!  
  
Warm and special thank yous to wolf116 (I agree fullheartedly on the Riley/wanker bit. It wasn't The Dream, I'm still not sure about Restless... well, hence there was no cheese guy. And thank you for hating it almost being over!) ;), Erica (hehe, good good. Sad too, but nice that you think it was a "good run". ;) Those old basement scenes, eh? Very good to hear you wanna relive!) ;P, maribel (oh, thank you for the - I suppose you at least meant to write - forgiveness... ;) Hope you enjoyed the chapter.) :), Leanne (whoa, nice review, girl. :) Thank you SO much for all the wonderful comments! Oh, and the Willow thing - I just gathered it to be kind of a thing between Buffy and Willow, that Buffy knew the Wicca wouldn't mind, y'know...? Guess that wasn't very clear...sorry. Oh, and haha about the half naked guy sharing. And it IS okay to share, truly! Hope you enjoyed the Joyce bit. Oh, and it was TRULY lovely to read that you enjoy me putting my own thoughts about your thoughts out for you to read. I'm happy that's appreciated 'cause I really love reading what you all write me! HOPE you enjoyed the chappie!) :), gattaca (oh, nice that you enjoyed! Hehe, I swear I'm no saint - I have a story on hold because I'm writing this! And thank you for that compliment!) :), Me (Great that you liked the previous chapter and I hope that the Joyce meeting Spike part of this chapter lived up to standards... Oh, and Dawn wasn't there when they defeated Adam. She emerges in season five.) ;), Alyssa (oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry. Though I did mean for you to connect it with the character's deaths closing in on them. First Buffy and then Spike... *sob* Okay, so I hope this chapter brought more smiles than tears and the end isn't quite here yet!) ;), Shan-suedluvsbitch (thanks! And exactly! Hm...) ;P, Bitty-Buffy (*smiles* It's so nice to get encouragment on doing a sequel! I love this story too, but I have a story waiting to be finished which I really love writing as well and I'm looking forward to seeing where that'll take me! I'm so sorry to have to disappoint! Thank you for the words though! They warm!) :), Captain (Wonderful! I take it my advice helped? Or was it perhaps all your doing, don't mean to take credit! ;) Hehe, thanks for the understanding, my friend!) :), Caitee (thanks, girl! Hope you enjoyed this as well!) :), LizDarcy (aw, thanks a lot for those compliments, girl! So happy to read that! Just *hug* to you! And hope you liked the chapter!) :), Carol (wow, moved by your words! *smile* Thanks a lot, really! It means a lot to hear that you've enjoyed the full length of the story! I hope I will not disappoint!) :), Phyllis (thanks a lot for all three reviews! It's really great that you do that! Hehe with the cliffhangers. Nice you liked the bit with Adam. Oh, THAT was wonderful to read. Wow, outta hundreds? Exaggeration or no that is still thoroughly incredible to hear! Not that I think you LIE! Just... whoa and thanks and...wow!) :) and last but not least Tricia (ohhh, my friend! I do wish I could oblige and just see where I could go with season five, but as I've already stated there is another story waiting for comletion and I have to finish it. For myself and my readers! Thank you though, thank you so much for the encouragement! And for that very nice comment!) :) - to all - thank you so, so, so, so, so much! I look forward to hearing from you!  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	50. All That Matters

*********************************TRAppED*****************************  
  
Fifty: All That Matters  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-08-05  
  
***********************************************************************  
  
Day Thirty-Eight.  
  
11.15 p.m.  
  
"All right, good night, you two!" Joyce said, smiling as Buffy took a step forward to give her a peck on the cheek.  
  
"Night, mom," the younger woman replied, returning the smile and stepping back to join Spike at his side, where she previously had been.  
  
He had his hand on the doorknob, the door standing ajar as he waited for the other two to say their good-byes. He felt as though the smirk he wore was actually dreadfully close to stupid, but he couldn't get rid of it. He had thought the evening would be a nightmare. That, now that Joyce knew what he was to his daughter, she would be cold and distant; making it perfectly clear to the both of them how condemning she was of their budding relationship. But she had kept on with her questions and queries of his life and the world as it had been. Given the trade she was in he supposed her curiosity was natural, though he had been surprised how superbly humoristic she actually was of him not having a heart beat.  
  
He had, of course, tried to steer clear of the more dark parts of his own history, but at times they had still managed to shine through - during which her mood grew slightly more reprimanding and her gaze even more so as she let it rest in his. At those times he truly had had to fight not to simply break eye contact.  
  
"Good night, Joyce," he said, inclining his head and she turned hers in order to look at him. She still wore her smile and his smirk grew into mirroring it. "Thank you for dinner," he added and her smile widened at that. "You're really something in the kitchen," he flattered and now she laughed.  
  
"Well, it's easy to be something of something when you have such well- mannered guests, isn't it?" she replied and now he smirked again.  
  
"Well, it's simple to be well-mannered when you feel you're being welcomed. Innit?" he retorted and Buffy smiled at them before she intervened.  
  
"I'm sure you could stand here for another hour exchanging pleasantries," she said, "and it's all good... But I have a lot I wanna talk over with my..." She trailed off, getting a suddenly warm expression in her eyes as she turned them on Spike and he smiled a little, reaching out a hand to take hers and having the emotion she instilled surge throughout him.  
  
Joyce looked at them for a moment, then shook her head.  
  
"You're right, of course," she sighed. "But let's see each other SOON, okay?" she added with a stern look at her daughter, who smiled and nodded her agreement.  
  
Then she turned and walked through the door, pulling Spike with her, and with another round of "good nights" they closed the door behind them.  
  
They paused on the doorstep, gazing into the night with unmistakable relaxation before they took the few steps and proceeded toward the sidewalk. They stayed silent for several blocks, enjoying each others company enough as it was and both unwilling to disturb the stillness.  
  
It reminded Buffy of the walk they had shared home from the grassy hill where she had first admitted her dawning affections for him. They had been then as they were now and she couldn't help but turn her head and look up at him. He kept his gaze faced forward for a few moments and then smiled a small smile before he turned it to meet hers.  
  
"Well, that went well," he finally said and Buffy let out a giggle before she stopped and put her arms around him.  
  
"It's... so strange," she mumbled and he furrowed his brow, though she couldn't see it as his face was buried in her blonde locks. "To feel like I really have you... Like this is... happening," she added. "It's so liberating. I think I can finally breathe," she whispered and he held her to him tightly, it making her give a small cough as she pressed out: "NOT if you do that."  
  
He laughed softly, releasing his grip as he pulled back to look down at her.  
  
"So what was it you wanted to talk to me about?" he wondered and she smiled before standing on her toes and stroking her lips gently against his.  
  
As she moved her head back and opened her eyes he did the same, looking down at her with an appreciative smirk on before he stated:  
  
"I believe we can spin further on that subject, Ms. Summers."  
  
***  
  
Day Thirty-Nine.  
  
1.14 a.m.  
  
"You know what I've been thinking about?" Buffy asked, lying comfortably in Spike's arms.  
  
They had decided to take refuge to his crypt, since they knew Willow was patient - but perhaps not patient enough to actually have them making love in the same room.  
  
"What?" Spike asked.  
  
"Well... that night when I... slapped you," she mumbled and he smiled at the memory.  
  
"What about it?" he wondered.  
  
"You said that no one had been able to resist you for that long... What did that mean?" she asked and he stirred so that she looked up at him and met his gaze. "What kind of relationship did you have with Drusilla? I just..."  
  
"I didn't mean..." he interrupted, pausing as he searched for the right words. "'Seduce' can have different meaning, can't it? If it's with money or love or sex or power... or death," he murmured and she raised her eyebrows, at first not having the words come at her in their true meaning, but then they hit her and she blinked.  
  
"Oh," she said, propping herself up on her elbows; eyes still resting in his as she observed him. "Oh," she repeated.  
  
"Right..." he said, voice lowered, "I seduced them, easily... to kill."  
  
"But you also added to the whole 'resisting' thing something like 'especially after you'd already had them once...'" Buffy remarked and he couldn't help but smile.  
  
"You were really listening, weren't you?" he asked and she put on a coy expression which made his smirk grow and then it faded as he needed to find the answer to her words. "Well," he begun, "the 'kiss' of a vampire can be quite powerful." He moved her hair away from the right side of her neck which still carried the scars from one set of puncture wounds, fixing his eyes in her as he finished: "As I'm sure you're already aware."  
  
She bit her lower lip before she looked away from him.  
  
"Yeah," she murmured. "Wait... does that mean you kept some of them alive so you could feed off of them more than ju-...? Know what? I don't need details."  
  
"Sorry, baby," he said and she gave him a calming smile to tell him that he wasn't freaking her out.  
  
She wasn't exactly sure what she felt about it because it was so hard to transform his words into actuality; into what he had been and what he had done. Looking at him, feeling him, being near him - none of that made her think "killer", thus it was difficult for her mind to process the fact that that was what he still was, underneath. This, though, wasn't what she wanted to dig further into. And so she swallowed, then asked again:  
  
"Your relationship with Dru...?"  
  
"I'm not sure you wanna hear about this," he grumbled.  
  
"Spike..."  
  
"I'm not sure I wanna tell it," he added, looking close to pleading, but Buffy not only wanted to hear this tale - she needed to.  
  
"Please," she therefore merely replied and his eyes seemed to see through her for a moment before he focused them in hers once more, giving a small nod.  
  
"I can't analyze what I had with Dru..." he began slowly. "I guess a lot of it started with Angelus... Him being the self-proclaimed leader always ticked me off. I mean, we were a group of strong members and we didn't really NEED someone to tell us what we could and couldn't do. You know the kind of mentality the two ladies possessed, and Angelus was the only one who could even attempt to control them... 'Course Drusilla often tripped over herself to please him. To her he was everything strong and brave. He was like her father, her brother, her lover and her closest friend all in one... God, she was so bloody blinded, and so twisted, poor thing. All thanks to him..." Buffy looked away at that and Spike gritted his teeth as he watched her face, then grabbed a hold on himself and reminded himself that she was in HIS arms now, wasn't she? He continued: "Angelus was smart and fast and he seemed to have every single quality which I didn't. Cunning, self-control, instincts that had been developing over a century's time; and he used his advantages with no sodding mercy. I wanted to be better. I craved it almost as much as I thirsted for blood. I wanted to just once beat him at his own game... But he was always one step ahead of me.  
  
"Drusilla had chosen me when she found me and turned me she chose me to be by her side and I was... but she still turned to Angel, she still went to him and his bed. She worshipped him. And I was more jealous of that than of anything else. You have to understand that I did love Dru, but... God, this is so hard to explain... I loved her in the way that I thought love was; she was like a piece of chocolate melting on my tongue, making me dread the day when she might just melt away. I knew she loved me too, and I knew she needed me, but I guess a part of me always expected it to in one way or another end... Well, it was sweet while it lasted, but now..." he paused and smiled a little.  
  
"You don't have to pretend that you didn't feel something for Dru," Buffy murmured, though she returned his smile. "I mean, a hundred-and-twenty years isn't the kinda thing you just forget, you know?"  
  
"Neither is your first true love," Spike replied quietly, holding her gaze and she blinked before she looked as though she was about to make protests when he added: "I just said that I DID love Drusilla, didn't I? What I was trying to tell you was that this, right here, is stronger; and it was bloody unbelievable to me when I first realized exactly how I feel about you... but over one hundred years or no - this feels more real."  
  
She smiled a little at that, then kissed his shoulder before she moved the hand which had been resting on his chest and locked her fingers with his.  
  
"So tell me all of it, then," she urged and he smirked.  
  
"I'll tell you the most important 'alls'," he stated firmly and she rolled her eyes at him; which he completely discarded.  
  
He looked for where he had left off and suddenly came to the conclusion of where his tale was heading. He swallowed. He didn't like this. Not one bit.  
  
"So, Angelus was the head of the gang and I detested it with fervor. But about two years into our little families journeys we had to fight off a mob and for the first time we really had to do it together. We were bloody terrific too, I'll tell you that much... I guess it was the first time I gained some of his respect, and vice versa. After that we started to explore each other's strengths and weaknesses in a more... orderly fashion." Buffy raised her eyebrows. "You know," Spike elaborated. "Openly and not behind each other's backs... We had fun with it. We competed in everything, but on a kinda a more friendly basis... And finally we had an almost brotherly bond grow between us. I never thought it'd be severed, not ever! But then the nineteen hundreds came to a close, and so did our family..."  
  
He trailed off, looking thoughtful and Buffy wondered if he mourned times that could have gone by with all four of the Scourge still together, in stead of just the duo of him and Drusilla.  
  
That wasn't even close to what was on his mind. Something else had happened in the beginning of the twentieth century. Spike just wasn't sure if he was ready to speak so openly about something that was sure to affect her in a way that was not even in the outer vicinity of good.  
  
"I told you about how I couldn't stand Dru being so tightly linked to Angelus that it didn't seem like she'd ever give him up to give herself to me completely... All my life I'd had to live with second place and I refused to do it in this life as well. When Angelus first told me the story of the Slayer I was more than intrigued by it; it became an obsession with me. Even Angelus seemed to hold a slight awe for the legend of the vampire killer, though he had never encountered her. And in this I saw it: my chance. And I sure as hell was gonna take it. It'd be twenty years till I actually got to prove to myself that I could do what I had decided by the last word of Angelus' story to do... You asked me where I got this, remember?" he wondered, letting his free hand grace the scar of his left eyebrow and she seemed to have stopped breathing as she slowly nodded her head. "It was during the Boxer rebellion, and the young Chinese who gave it to me was the first Slayer I tracked down and killed."  
  
Buffy felt a twinge near her heart as she had the vivid picture of Spike biting through the tender skin on the woman's neck flying through her head, and she finally drew a small breath when she realized that she had been holding it for so long. She could have felt disgusted, outraged, abhorred or violated. But all she could really feel was a sudden pity as she read the weary and close to frightened look in his gaze as he watched her face with clear apprehension of what her reaction would be.  
  
"Go on," she merely said, in lack of anything at all better, before she gave the hand she was holding a short squeeze.  
  
It seemed to ease his worries at least a tad as he nodded.  
  
"I guess this was the first time I felt as Angelus' equal. Doing something he had never done and succeeding in it. And it was what made me very suddenly earn close to all of Dru's affection, the last link with Angelus broke when we found out that he was souled. She was all mine after that, and in a way that was all I had ever wanted anyways. The travels, the different continents, the experience, the fights, even the kill - it didn't matter to me if she wasn't by my side. When the family was splintered in different directions a part of me hated Angelus with force for leaving without saying a bloody word to any of us. He just sodding up and disappeared... But another part reveled in it, loved that he betrayed Dru. Well, it wasn't till years and years later that we stumbled across the story of his cursed state."  
  
He stopped, gazing up at the ceiling with another one of those faraway glances and Buffy rested her head in one hand in order to look at him for the while it took him to bring himself back to her.  
  
"Drusilla," he then spoke up, "was a huntress if I ever saw one. She was cruel. She was beautiful. She moved with such grace and precision once she had targeted her prey that I could stand in the far corner of a room and still be able to tell whom she had in mind for herself. She taught me a lot of things, but most of all I think she brought out the resources which was born into me with her bite... She showed me how to use them. She loved to watch me charm and yes, seduce, a much too willing victim. She always demanded I share... which I did with pleasure... We were both deadly, but together we were nearly invincible. The passion we shared for everything we did..." He suddenly huffed, shook his head and turned his eyes once more in Buffy's before he said: "Everything was painted with blood. Everything we ever had between us was painted - IS painted in the blood of all of those we killed and I..."  
  
Once again he trailed off, but this time he looked down at her and kept his gaze in hers before he quietly finished:  
  
"I don't want that anymore. It feels far away... unimportant. The past."  
  
She smiled at that, and then nodded.  
  
"Buffy," he said hesitantly, making her wait a few seconds before he slowly continued: "What you said to your mom... about you and me... Did you mean it?"  
  
Buffy looked at him for a long moment before she pulled up and kissed him softly on the lips.  
  
Spike knew that that wasn't exactly an answer, but he also understood that she had been forced to state her case to her mom in a very firm manner, or it probably wouldn't have made an impact. And so, in light of the "no" or the wavering "I'm not sure" he could have gotten, he was quite happy about that kiss. Perhaps not satisfied, but happy.  
  
"All I really know," she said as she pulled away from him again, "is that I wanna spend tomorrow with you. And I'm sure I wanna spend the next day with you too... but..."  
  
"I know," he cut her off. "I know... but I can't help but bloody think of all the things your mom talked about. And you once said yourself that you'd want kiddies... a real family... I couldn't give you th-..."  
  
"Spike," she stopped him, shaking her head a little. "One step at a time," she then smiled and he returned it before he ran his hands through her hair to let them rest behind her head.  
  
"I love you," he whispered and she closed her eyes, letting her forehead softly rest against his.  
  
"That's all that matters to me," she mumbled right before she placed another kiss on his mouth.  
  
***  
  
9.29 p.m.  
  
"Leloch, Spike. Turundra ini surgh?"  
  
Spike smirked, then inclined his head to the demon standing before him.  
  
"Goraglog fidd," the bleached blonde replied. "Leloch etis achlah'ar." The demon gave a nod as well. "Rewtah'ar sott krid tozth," Spike finished, holding up two fingers.  
  
The other demon reached up a hand and scratched its bald head as it seemed to consider what the vampire had just said and then it smiled with fleshy lips, showing off two rows of perfectly fitted fangs in either jaw, before it once again nodded.  
  
"Krid tozth sott etis loora," it chuckled as Spike handed over a bag made of thick velvet and the demon brought out a wad of American dollars.  
  
Carefully selecting two one-hundred dollar bills it then gave them to Spike. The other demon put the bag inside its cloak and made as to turn away when it seemed to pause itself.  
  
"Crulach," it said hesitantly, turning back to Spike and observing the latter for a few seconds before it finished: "tetil sulaha'ar conva sira slayeralitc?"  
  
"None of your business, mate," Spike stated with a dark look flashing in his blue eyes and the demon smiled widely before it gave a small bow and then quickly left the alley - in which the two had set a meeting.  
  
Spike looked down at the money in his hand and then he stuffed it into one of the pockets of his duster before he proceeded the opposite way down the alley.  
  
No more of this, he thought as he rounded the corner of the building and headed for the crypt. The Doctor's office is officially closed.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
I know I must've used up all my skip the tolerant waiting and go directly to patience cards which I very incognito handed out when I started this story - but I have to say that since this very surely will be the last time you have to actually wait for an installment I feel pretty confident that yet again you will show me understanding forgiveness.(please, please, please, there's only one - or two - more chapters left!!!) *tremble*  
  
In my favor I tried to post this last night, but couldn't get onto the site! Anyways, all I can say is wow. Wow! Fifty chapters! As apposed to the six to ten I had originally planned! Okay, so as said there is one or perhaps even two more chapters left! So, I WILL see ya on the next one, right? ;)  
  
Warm and special thanks to Leanne (Very happy you liked it, girl! So nice. But I have to disagree though, on the Spike turning Buffy thing. I don't think I could write a serious story based on him doing that because I don't think he ever would. He DOES react with his heart, but I believe his heart would state it to be wrong. It would be going too far, even for him. Well, that's just my oppinion and I know that was a thought of how this story will end, but I'll just ease your mind a bit and say nope, that's not one of the ways that it could.) ;), Captain (Well, that's more than lovely. I'll be seeing you around then? ;) And *grin* to the whole Buffy/Joyce deal - imagining yourself in the same situation makes it even trickier, doesn't it? *lol* I'm sad too, but I agree - every good thing has to come to an end. ;) Hope you'll like it once it arrives!) :), Mel (First, thanks for both reviews and on 48: cool that you think it's cool. And who wouldn't wanna spend a night in the same room as nekkid Spike, eh? *drewl* On 49: K, you thought the conversation between Giles and Spike was strange because...? *curious* Nice that you thought the Joyce part was to your liking though! Oh, and yeah, the Jesse bit is almost obvious, don't you think? I'm surprised Joss never brought it up on the show, he has sucha wonderful sense of detail.) :), Caitee (Thanks, girlie! And sorry it's late but here was some more! Hope ya liked it too!!!) :), Keleven (Really wonderful to read that! I'm so glad that you like it and thanks for letting me know!!! Okay, so I hope that ff.net has fessed up and let you read the next two chapters - otherwise you can always go to vampires-kiss.net where the story is also hosted by VampiresKiss - a truly fab sight!!! I've never seen that message before either... Just hope it works out and again, so happy that you've enjoyed the story thus far!!!) ;), ilpopi (Aw, what can I say but SO glad that you started at all and even more happy that you've enjoyed it for all these chapters! Wonderful that you liked the meeting with Joyce and how it went down. Oh, *tear*, it's sucha blessing to have readers who support you the way all of mine does and each time I read of regrets that this story is coming to a close I'm very touched, truly, so thank you! Thank YOU so much for thanking me. It is greatly appreciated! My head is bowed.) :), Meg (your words were more than incredible to read. Any time Trapped makes it to someone's top five is cause for celebration in my book, when it makes it to first place that's makes me all warmandfuzzy all over! Your comment about the characters made me really happy, thank you a whole lot! A.M.L.) :), FiFi Mash (Why, thank you for that compliment. *smile* I would in all honesty enjoy this versioin of season4 a whole lot more than Joss' too - but then, we're all suckers for some Spuffyness, aren't we? ;) Well, I'm glad you returned! And made it through the UST un- damaged. ;) Hehe, obliged, eh? I really, really wish I could, believe me! But I feel the inspiration for my other story returning and I really want to finish it. 'Course, I might not have any readers left - but I need to finish it for myself, you know? I know you put a little push in there - with the comment that you still have to see a S5 that properly addresses the issues etc. :) - and I wanna take the challenge and show you that I can present you with one. But... time is not on my side with this. Which sucks! You make my day with your last comments, though, because the story growing boring since the plot has already been laid out by Joss has been a concern with me. I'm happy I managed to "keep it tight and interesting"! Thanks a lot!) :), Night (Oh, my friend! I do apologize! But check my page, you'll see I wrote a message there last week telling you guys that this chapter was probably going to be rather on the late side... Again, I'm sorry that you had to wait for so freaking long and I really hope you enjoyed the chapter!) :) and Enchanted Dreamer (Wonderful to hear that you like it and well, really hope you liked this update as well!) :) - to all, I love you for all the feedback. I really do! The next installment will not be this late!  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	51. Just About There

*********************************TRAppED***********************************  
  
Fifty-One: Just About There  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-08-15  
  
**************************************************************************** *  
  
Day Forty.  
  
12.14 p.m.  
  
"Willow!" Buffy called and the redhead turned to the sound as the blonde came rushing up to her. "I can't believe it!" the former added with a happy skip right before she reached Willow and unceremoniously thrust a paper beneath her nose. "Look!" she exclaimed and Willow blinked, making the other remove what she was showing at least an inch. "Look!" Buffy repeated.  
  
"I'm TRYING to!" Willow replied and Buffy looked apologetic before she pulled her hand back and then straightened the wrinkled paper out.  
  
"See?" she asked proudly. "I ACED it, Will!"  
  
A smile split Willow's face as she realized what it was Buffy was holding out and then she hugged the Slayer hard.  
  
"Congrats seem to be in place!" the Wicca stated and Buffy nodded firmly as they pulled apart.  
  
"With whipped cream and baby marshmallows on the side," she agreed and Willow frowned slightly before she merely let that comment slide and hooked arms with the other as they began to walk again. "I feel so good now! I wanna go to... Hawaii. Can I go to Hawaii?" Buffy asked with a pleading look at her friend who merely smiled again, this time with a rather meaningful look and Buffy sighed, pouting. "I know," she grumbled. "Well, can I go to New York, then? I feel like kicking up my heels and I've heard they've got a lotta heels to kick up over there."  
  
"You're not spending one cent on shoes on my watch, missy," Willow replied reproachfully and Buffy smirked. "'Sides, if you even wanna get to the Big Apple I have a feeling you're gonna need to save all the cents you can get your hands on, don't you?"  
  
"Hey," Buffy grumbled, frowning, "de-pep much?"  
  
"Sorry," Willow said, squeezing the other's arm before adding with mock- cheer: "Of course you can go! There's always a way... You just have think of h-... I know! Spike can treat you!"  
  
Buffy turned her head to her friend with a rather amused frown and Willow seemed to ignore it as she continued:  
  
"No, really! He's bound to have cash lying around, isn't he?"  
  
"Why would he?" Buffy asked, halting and pulling her arm out of Willow's hold as her face grew quizzical. "It's not like he's out robbing people every night. It's not like he thinks 'Oh, on the way home I might as well make myself a few bucks. Let's pick that defenseless young girl over there'!"  
  
"I didn't mean..." Willow tried to apologize with an expression in her gaze to match the regretful look on her face, but Buffy shook her head.  
  
"No, that's how you see him, isn't it? That's what he'll always stand for with you guys. Well, I can tell you that he's NOT like that. He doesn't just show up with money or-or stuff! In fact, he's never given me anything, nothing at all, no gifts, no flowers. You know, I think if he ever WANTED to give me flowers he'd pick them himself. He's that kinda guy."  
  
Willow nodded as Buffy turned the knob of their dorm room and then stepped inside; coming to a rather sharp stop in the doorway and Willow paused before she gently pushed her way passed the other.  
  
"What are those?" the redhead asked and Buffy shook her head, making Willow have to fight back the smile at the extremely flustered look on the Slayer's face as she stared at what decorated her bedside table. "Is there a card?" Willow now wondered and she couldn't keep the teasing tone out of her voice as she entered the room and walked up to the cause for the statue- like position of Buffy. After a short search the former found what she was looking for. "Oh, look," she cooed and this got Buffy moving.  
  
She was at the others side in the next instant and grabbed the card as Willow was about to flip it open.  
  
Her heart was racing. He couldn't have sent her the flowers! WHY would Spike EVER send her flowers like this?  
  
Her hands trembled slightly as she opened the card and stared at the single letter written there. A very distinct "S".  
  
"They're absolutely beautiful," Willow stated as she leaned forward and buried her nose amongst the petals of the crimson roses. "Say what you want about the man, but he has got very good taste."  
  
Buffy gritted her teeth.  
  
It was all too easy, wasn't it? To believe in him. She supposed that was why the sudden thought of slight betrayal on his part hurt her so much. She couldn't help but think that Willow might be right, that it actually made sense that he was still earning his money the easy way... She recalled the abruptly finished topic of him not having a job a while back, and his quiet statement that he didn't work well with authorities. How would he live, how would he get his beloved smokes and life-preserving - or something like it - booze of he didn't steal it one way or another? God, if he was human would she even look twice at him? He'd only mean trouble, wouldn't he? Didn't he?  
  
Her heart was picking up its pace and she couldn't hear what Willow was saying as she clasped the note in a tight fist and swirled around.  
  
"Buffy," Willow attempted to stop her, but it didn't work.  
  
"I'll be back later," the Slayer merely replied as she pulled the door open and continued through it.  
  
"I've heard that before," Willow sighed as she turned back to the roses and got a smile displaying itself on her mouth at the thought of Spike tiptoeing into the room with the former in a carefully picked out vase, making sure they were standing straight and evenly in it before tiptoeing out again.  
  
***  
  
12.46 p.m.  
  
She tried hard not to let her fears run away with her as she walked swiftly to the crypt. She fought not to let her mind flood with worries and whispers of foreboding and condemning and a small part of her telling her insistently that it had known, all along, that this would happen. It was all too good to be true. A tiger doesn't lose its stripes, and Spike had never been anything less than that.  
  
But I... she thought as she slowed down before the door of his home.  
  
You what? a voice in the back of her head snorted. Don't even try to fool yourself that any of this was ever unexpected. He's lied to you. You CAN'T trust him.  
  
Innocent until proven guilty, she grumbled as a reply and drew a short breath before she pushed the door to the small hall open before proceeding through the second one.  
  
He turned around as he heard her enter, eyebrows raised questioningly. At the tight expression on her face he sighed.  
  
"You don't like roses?" he wondered, walking out of the kitchen to meet her halfway adding: "Or you wanted another color? I just thought that red would..."  
  
"Stop," she shook her head.  
  
"What's the matter, love?"  
  
She swallowed, the feel of the note still clenched in one hand pushed her on and she replied:  
  
"Tell me that you don't..."  
  
But the words wouldn't find the right course out of her mouth and she paused. What was she about to ask him? What did she want to hear?  
  
"Do you steal, Spike?"  
  
He tilted his head slightly to one side as he eyed her, then he smirked and she suddenly felt herself blushing under his gaze. For the very first time she felt young in his presence, she felt small and little and ignorant.  
  
"It happens," he answered her question, and she battled back the conflicting emotions within as she squared her shoulders and held his gaze firmly.  
  
"How do you get money? How did you pay for the flowers?"  
  
"Buffy..."  
  
"Spike," she cut him off sharply, making his smile fade as one eyebrow was arched. "I'm serious. I want to know. I need to."  
  
He stared at her now. Then blinked and shrugged before he nodded and walked over to the kitchen counter.  
  
"I've had my own line of business set up for a while... I've been in the... trading market, I 'spose you might call it," he said, pulling out a drawer and getting a velvet bag out of it. Once that was done he turned and came back up to her again. "Merchandise for money," he finished as he handed her the bag and she frowned.  
  
"This is..."  
  
"Yup," he nodded, watching her face as he added: "Three-thousand dollars, to be exact."  
  
"Three-th-...?!" she breathed, then shook her head as she reached the bag out to him.  
  
"What are you protesting against?" he asked, not taking it from her. "It's not blood-money, pet. I've earned it. Doing demons dirty-work, sure - but there's been no stealing involved. Okay, granted I may have ripped off a few of them, but..."  
  
"The Black Market is dangerous!" she exclaimed, throwing the bag away from her and beginning to pace before him. "One day you'll come across something you can't control! It's STUPID, is what it is!"  
  
"I know," he agreed and she halted as she turned her head to him with a disbelieving frown. "Really - I do," he assured, approaching her cautiously and when she didn't seem to be moving he stopped right before her. "That's why I've ended it. I swear to you, Buffy. No more of it."  
  
She looked into his eyes and then shut her own. Feeling his arms close around her she leaned her forehead against his chest before wrapping her own arms around him as well.  
  
"I'm sorry," she grumbled.  
  
"It's okay," he mumbled gently. "I know this whole thing... us... is still so new. We're BOTH adjusting, you know? It can't work... Hey," he made her look up at him and rested his eyes in hers before he finished: "it won't work if we're not honest with each other. We both need to trust the other, love, or this ends before it's even begun."  
  
She observed him in silence for the longest time, standing in his embrace she saw the world fall away and she realized that she needed him in more ways than she could ever have imagined. Deep, deep down she knew that he would always be there for her, no matter what happened he'd be faithful to her and she knew that he loved her for who she was - for everything there was to her.  
  
She had a sneaking suspicion that the whisper of distrust would forever be imbedded in the darker corners of her thoughts, but who was ever completely without suspicion? Who was ever completely without some kind of guard? And if there was any such someone, how could they possibly survive even the tiniest of hit? No, she didn't wish that whisper gone - it had to stay where it was. She DID trust him - to not cause her pain intentionally, but nobody's perfect and there was the always the not dismissible possibility of un-intentionally.  
  
Spike looked at her and was brought back to the arguments they had had in that basement about three-hundred-and-fifty-six years ago; was brought back to the hatred and disgust and annoyance he had felt whenever he looked at her, heard her speak, noticed her MOVE. And he also remembered how powerfully all this had triggered his understanding of how badly he wanted to have her, to own her and make her his. And here she was, and all he could feel was gratefulness toward whatever higher power that had decided to twist their fates to fit so perfectly with each other.  
  
Thankfulness toward whatever power that had brought Drusilla into that alley; that had persuaded her to see something other than less in him, that had had her choose him. She had blessed him right then, because her bite and her gift had been what had brought him to this moment, to Buffy.  
  
"Is there anything you wanna change?" he asked quietly and she seemed to hesitate before she smiled a little.  
  
"No," she answered him, standing on her toes and kissing him on the mouth. "Not one thing."  
  
"You always were the most awful liar," he remarked and she giggled.  
  
"I thought I was headed for an encore of Most Heated Buffy-Spike Arguments - take twenty-two," she said and he smirked. "Wow, how wrong was I?" she added, leaning closer into him and his smirk grew into a grin.  
  
"Isn't this the last week of school?" he then asked and she nodded. "I thought you wanted to 'show some dedication', 'put some effort into it', 'give it your absolute b-...'"  
  
"All right, all right," she interrupted with a smile. "But this is our first official non-fight and so I think I'll just cut class; go buy some ice-cream; come back; get into bed - with you, by the way - and show you just how torture-bearable I can be."  
  
After this statement she kissed him deeply before she ended it softly and stepped out of his arms, as she was heading for the door he chuckled and shook his head, turning it to look at her as she paused and turned back to him.  
  
"Just remembered when I said you couldn't stand torture..." he said and she smiled as well.  
  
"No," she then disagreed. "You said I couldn't stand TO torture," she added with a mischievous expression in her eyes that simply made him warm all over, having him even more eager to see exactly what it was she would do with that ice-cream.  
  
***  
  
4.55 p.m.  
  
"I've been wondering," Buffy said, placing a gentle kiss on his chest before resting her chin against it, glancing up at him.  
  
"About?" he asked.  
  
"About Dru..."  
  
"Another one of these conversations? Really?" he inquired, making her smile before she shook her head.  
  
"No, I just wanted to know..."  
  
"What! Come on!"  
  
"Okay! If you really have no idea why she left you?" she replied, rather tentatively and he let one hand slide through her hair as he thought of what he should tell her.  
  
Finally he decided and said:  
  
"She never... explained." Buffy nodded her understanding of that, but he wasn't quite ready to let the subject lie and so he added: "After Angel... Or Angelus... Well, we left this place, we left for Australia straight away... She could hardly look at me at first. She didn't talk to me for the entire trip... Unless she wanted to call me a traitor or scum or something loving like that. She was quite good at coming up with imaginary nicks, actually. Anyways, we got there and we went to Sydney first, but she complained about it being too bright. And then we went along the coast to this godforsaken place. Reminded me of Sunnydale, only it was about the twentieth of its size and it was in serious lack of... you." She smirked and he smiled at the sight before continuing: "And it seemed Dru saw what I was thinking 'cause one night she just... told me. What had been on her mind... She said that all she could see now, looking at me, was you. And it hurt so damn much hearing her say that. 'Cause all I had ever done I knew I'd done for her. I'd left Sunnydale, I'd gotten her out of there to be with me. And now... she stood there...  
  
"I couldn't even grasp a bloody fragment of what she was insinuating. All I could see was that she was fooling around on me and I had to get the hell away from her. So I ran. All the sodding way back here. To the place I'd started out failing myself in the first place. Failing her. I returned to heal myself, to get the bruises outta my system... And I came up with the brilliant plan you're all too familiar with." She rolled her eyes and it was his time to smirk widely. "All that time I couldn't see that what I was running from and running straight back to was you, Buffy. I had a valid excuse - lingering love for Dru. But in the end all of it came down to nothing and no one - but you."  
  
"Stop it," she mumbled before she smiled brightly. "You're gonna make me cry."  
  
He smiled a small smile back before he mumbled:  
  
"Wouldn't that be something...? Happy tears..."  
  
She pulled up and kissed him, making him stop whether he wanted to or not, and he returned the kiss as gently as she gave it. They pulled apart slowly and relished in stillness for a short while until he asked:  
  
"Willow KNEW about me before the other's did, didn't she?"  
  
Buffy raised her eyebrows, putting on such an extremely innocent expression that he had to laugh.  
  
"What tipped you off? The..."  
  
"...casual way she acted when you and me showed up at the Watcher's holding hands... Yeah, something like that," he filled in and she laughed as well.  
  
"Well, you know what a math-freak she is! She just put two-and-two together," she then replied.  
  
"Easy as that?" he wondered.  
  
"Easy as one-two-three," she stated and at that he tilted her over, nestling his face against her throat as he tickled her sides and she squirmed with a cry of frustration as he pinned her down.  
  
"I was asking you a SERIOUS question," he said as he moved his head to look down at her and she kept a straight face as she nodded.  
  
"If you let it slide," she said, moving her hips against his and his face softened as she added: "I'll make it worth your while."  
  
"Say 'please'," he mumbled as his face drifted closer to hers.  
  
She smiled and then heaved him off her in one quick movement, scrambling off the bed and turning around as she stated:  
  
"Sorry, I'm not the begging kind!"  
  
Running up to the armchair she once again swirled around just as he reached the other side of it and she smiled sweetly as she watched for his next move. He returned the smile easily enough and she squinted at him, estimating. He made as to go to her right and she moved to the left. He followed her movement immediately and she froze, then the smile grew onto her lips again.  
  
"We gonna stand here all night?" she asked and he cocked an eyebrow as he let his gaze travel down the parts of her body not covered by the armchair.  
  
"Not sure I'd mind," he answered.  
  
"Didn't know you to enjoy the looking-and-not-touching approach, honey," she said meaningfully and he seemed to stiffen considerably as one of her hands traveled from her neckline, down over one breast and further to her bellybutton where it began to slowly circle.  
  
"Come here," he murmured, reaching out to grab her, but she was too fast and put one forefinger up, wiggling it in a very reprimanding fashion.  
  
"Say... 'please'," she demanded and the teasing glitter in her green eyes made him swallow.  
  
"Buffy..."  
  
"Yes?" she asked, clearly waiting and he bit his lower lip in aggravation as well as need to pay her back for this, every inch of her, then he said:  
  
"Baby, please... Please, come back to bed."  
  
This time her smile was truer as she sidestepped the piece of furniture and reached out a hand to him. He took it and they walked together up to the sarcophagus.  
  
"You know this isn't a bed, right?" she asked and he smiled, nodding. "I'm just checking 'cause a second ago you asked me to 'come back to bed'."  
  
"I remember," he assured, pulling her close. "I'll GET a bed."  
  
"We're not wasting that money on a BED!" she stated and he raised his eyebrows in fake-shock.  
  
"I thought you didn't want anything to do with MY cash!" he exclaimed and she giggled.  
  
"Yes, but then you explained their heritage so very prettily and now I feel as though they're a little bit part of the family," she said and he shook his head at her.  
  
"Fine. What do you suggest we do with it? And I am actually PRAYING it doesn't involve a mall here."  
  
"No, I was thinking a plane and a beach and a private bungalow somewhere. Just you and me and a couple of mai thais," she said and he observed her for a short minute before replying:  
  
"How does Honolulu sound?"  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Wow, you guys! You're just amazing, have I ever told you that?! Thank you all so much for wonderful, wonderful feedback! Oh, gosh, I just luuuuv y'all! ;)  
  
This chapter isn't actually "late" per say 'cause I haven't had a chance to finish it until now and so I won't apologize to you yet again and act as though your humbling forgiveness is yet again in need, k? I will only thank thee for thine patience. Or something... :)  
  
Warm and special thanks to wolf116 (hey, you. When I read your review I thought this: that episode was NOT just about having Riley back, girl! Okay, look at it from my p.o.v for just a second 'cause the way I see it there is a much deeper meaning to that surprise turn-up of the ever so boring mr Finn. We get an inside look at what exactly it is that keeps Buffy so easily going back to Spike over and over and over. A look at why her Slayer side isn't stronger in resisting him and bad and temptation! She thinks he's harmless, stupid even. She says there's no way of Spike being the Doctor 'cause he's not smart enough to pull it off. And Spike says "You know what I am, you've always known. And you come to me all the same." Remember? I'm sure you do. This episode is what forces Buffy to realize that Spike isn't toothless, that he isn't good, and since there is no way she could ever believe in him loving her she simply cannot "use" him anymore. It goes against everything that she is. We get to see her come to that final decision. It also, of course, ties up the Riley part of the Buffytrivia. I mean, seriously, he just up and disappeared. This way they could show us where he went, that he isn't obsessing over Buffy still, that he's moved on and that she has to let all of him go - if by any chance she hadn't. Right? SO - Spike being the Doctor was a rather good way of not only showing Buffy - but also us viewers - that there IS a dark side to him that hasn't been quenched simply because he's in love with the Slayer. That he's a being that can't be truly controlled, is he? We got to see that some of the first Spike we got introduced to is still very much there. I think it was a good way of making the Spike/Buffy relationship - or lack there of - come to a close as it was. Because of course it couldn't have gone on forever in that wear and tear manner that they were so fond of. Okay, phew. Sorry. Just needed to say that so you understand where I'm coming from with this. Also, I guess this chapter sorta put some light on my thoughts on the matter... ;) Oh, and the last part was just for show, not tell, k? Didn't mean to confuse, just wanted to show a meeting between Spike and a demon and have the whole Doctor's office closed comment sorta explain it. At least to those absolutely into the show - knowing the details. Which you obviously did. ;) Anyways, hope this clears things up a bit and that you think a bit less confusing and not so vile or annoying or so...A.M.L.) :),  
  
Night (Oh, it's cool you didn't read it. It's not the first thing you think about, I guess. I AM so glad to read that and that it's still up there! B-E- A-utiful! ;) No, seriously, wonderful!!! Oh, and the last part... Well, read the last few lines of wolf116's reply and you'll get it... I hope. I didn't mean to cause confusion with that part. It was just... Spike and a demon and if you've seen As You Were in S6 then you'll know what I'm referring to.) :)  
  
Captain (thanks, sweetie. That was really great to read! I'm happy you liked that part! And really happy you thought it was realistic to the show. THAT I never tire of hearing! ;) Thanks, my friend!)  
  
Mel (hehe, Black Market, exactly. :) Aw, I do know what you mean with the Spuffyholic part... And it does look pretty bright for the two lovebirds, doesn't it? ::) Oh, then it was a GOOD making you go hm. That's just fine, then! ;) Mel, if you do come haunting me I shall be so very obliged to have you there as a permanent poltergeist!) :)  
  
Leanne (thanks for that! Happy to read you liked the last part! Awwww, me two, girl! Makes me so sad TWO! ;) Oh, right! I have to remember to correct the mistake you pointed out. Thanks for that! And I do so hope you enjoyed this chapter!) :)  
  
Rachel (Why, thank you. :) Yes... one more chappy left now. *tear* I AM thinking about a sequel, but I KNOW that I just can't do it right now! *sigh*! Thanks for sending me a thought, though!!!) ;)  
  
Erica (God, you ALMOST made me cry with that comment! I just HAVE to see the last episode of S7, and no, I can't believe I haven't yet!!! Argh! I WILL cry when I do, I know it. The mere thought of it just breaks my heart! And... hey. Next chapter - your answer.) ;)  
  
Taelyn (Oh, can I just tell you how amazing your reviews were to read?! Okay, so I can't even begin to describe how absolutely fabulous you made me feel with those incredible comments of yours - but I am going to try! I mean, just WOW and thanks so, so much! The best one was definitely that you think I've actually created my own personal style. *goosebumps* That was one of the nicest things anyone's ever said to me, I swear! Thank you, from the bottom of my beating heart. *smiles at the if you stay up all night you won't blame me comment* ;) And thank you for the TWO reviews. I'm so happy I managed to get you enthusiastic enough to wanna let me know what you think and all I can say to that is YESSSS! ;) Just, thank you! And oh, I think there is a tie for best comment 'cause the fact that this made you feel better than some icky medication makes me soar dangerously high here! I can't tell you, I really can't, how great it feels to know that I make you feel something from reading what I've written. THANK YOU for taking the time to let me know! Thank you for all your wonderful comments and it is for people such as yourself that I write and end up wanting and needing to post! My hat is off.) :)  
  
Keleven (Happy you like the length of this, girl. That's what I like to, to be honest. I hate rushing things. It only messes them up too much, don't you agree? Oh, I know you do and thank you! And, yeah, thanks for the agreement on the Spike-not-turning. *nods seriously*) :)  
  
Carol (Oh, oh, it's the best to read that you enjoy the Buffy and Spike interaction. I don't want it to get sappy or boring! Thanks for easing my mind 'cause that is my greatest fear! ;) Hope you had a good time while you were away and welcome back!) :)  
  
Biffy-Buffy (hey, girl.Thanks a whole bunch of lots for that comment and... the end will soon be revealed so sit tight, k? ;) Love all the support I get and yours is no exception! Thank you!) ;)  
  
Okay, gals and girls! And the off-chance guy or boy or, dare I write it, man. ;P Nah, just wanted to say that this has been one hell of a great ride with you all and I'm deeply indebted to you! Thank you so much and I'm not gonna do this quite yet 'cause there will be one more chance so I'll swipe the tears away for one more chapter and then... let them fall freely. *bawl!*  
  
One more chapter to go, for sure this time. I'll... see you there?  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	52. Epilogue, The

So here we are, darlings. The last golden hour of this story begins and ends on these few white pages. Ain't it funny how that works? I merely wanted to print a small warning:  
  
In the next chapter - which is the immediate second part of this one and named Epilogue, End- if you are extremely sensitive to spoilers and as of yet know nothing at all of what may come on this season of Angel you should with great care stop reading by the line which is written as such:  
  
She put her arms up and was about to scream when she felt a hand touch her shoulder and she looked up sharply.  
  
You should then scroll down all the way until the line which reads as this:  
  
"Willow!"  
  
There, you have been fairly warned.  
  
And thus concludes the prelude - I'll see you in the credits.  
  
Here is the TRAppED finale two-part chapter extravaganza. Enjoy!  
  
****************************************************************************  
  
*********************************TRAppED**********************************  
  
Fifty-Two: Epilogue, The  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-08-24  
  
****************************************************************************  
  
Day Seventy.  
  
11.23 p.m.  
  
On a beach not so often frequented by tourists somewhere along the coast of Hawaii.  
  
"You know, I actually like vacationing... at night."  
  
Spike smirked at that comment as he rolled over onto his stomach on the blanket and watched her approaching across the sand, her naked form bathed in silvery moonlight and she looked somewhere close to ethereal. She smiled back as she sunk down on her knees and then leaned forward to kiss him deeply, moving around to stretch out beside him with her lips still locked with his.  
  
"Sorry I can't be part of getting you a fantastic tan," he murmured as they finally broke apart, but she merely smiled again, shaking her head.  
  
"You're making every other part feel 'fantastic', honey," she assured and this time his smirk was filled with self-confidant contentment.  
  
"Happy to hear that, cuteness."  
  
"Happy to say it, lover."  
  
They looked at each other and then both laughed softly before sharing another kiss.  
  
"Wow, I can't believe we're here," she sighed, getting onto her back instead and he moved to lie in the same fashion next to her, both looking up at the almost surreally clear night sky. "I've never been... anywhere... I think."  
  
"I've been everywhere," he replied. "Someday... I'll show you all the places you were meant to see."  
  
"Meant to?"  
  
"A beautiful woman is meant to be shown to the world, love," he stated and she chuckled. "I'm bloody serious!" he cut her off, propping his head in one hand to move and look down at her. She was still smiling. "You were meant to travel. To see..."  
  
"And be seen."  
  
"Naturally."  
  
"And where would we go first?"  
  
He thought for a moment; then tilted his head a little to one side, eyeing her as he answered:  
  
"London."  
  
She observed him back, then reached up a hand and touched his cheek gently.  
  
"Yes," she agreed. "I'd like that. To see where you were born... where you grew up... I'd really like that."  
  
For a moment everything seemed to grow still and there was the sudden sense of unspoken views of feared futures that inevitably passed between them. Both of them knowing that anything could happen between right then and forever. The life they lead, so be it apart or together, was far from normal, wasn't it? And their danger level exceeded that of an average being by eons.  
  
Of course, neither one of them had any actual saying in the matter.  
  
So the moment passed without comment, and they let it go in peace.  
  
He wrapped her in his arms and she closed her eyes as she nestled closer, fitting her body against his.  
  
It felt as though she was dreaming. As though what her mother had predicted would happen had been followed literally as some cosmic joke and in any given second she would wake up and the beach, the ocean noises and the salty air would give way for her bed, for her room and loneliness as she realized none of it had actually taken place.  
  
Then his embrace grew tighter and she knew that she would never have to wake up alone again.  
  
Suddenly she remembered something.  
  
"You know," she said on account of that, "you never did claim your prize."  
  
There was silence for a short minute and then:  
  
"I will."  
  
"'You will'?" she repeated and he nodded. "When?"  
  
"When... it's time to name our first child."  
  
She had to giggle at that, but then she grew serious as she said:  
  
"Spike, we can't..."  
  
"We will," he stopped her sentence and she bit her lower lip as she opened her eyes and looked up at him.  
  
"Have I told you that I love you?" she asked silently and he turned his face to meet her gaze.  
  
"No," he then replied slowly.  
  
"William," she said and he smiled a small smile as she pulled herself up to have her face above his, holding his eyes firmly. "Spike... I love you."  
  
He didn't say anything, merely looked at her for the longest time. And then he held her to him and she rested her head against his chest. Feeling protected and safe. Feeling at home on a blanket on a beach a thousand miles away from where she had created an everyday for herself.  
  
Feeling - more than ever - whole.  
  
***  
  
11.55 p.m.  
  
In Xander's basement.  
  
(Which was only inhabited, for the time being, by a young Wicca in training.)  
  
Willow fought to keep her hands from trembling as she put the thick volume of a large book down on the floor. She knelt down before it and glanced around at the candles she had set out in a square, two on either side across from her and two behind her. They were her only light as she tried to make out the ancient text on the aged pages in front of her.  
  
She couldn't remember a time when she had actually been this nervous about doing a spell. She supposed it was because she had never tried a spell of this caliber before. And she had no real idea if she would be able to pull it off, which also added to the nerves-on-top-of-skin agenda her body obviously had set for her this evening.  
  
She could at least find some comfort in the fact that it had been long and difficult work to find a spell that seemed to suit her needs; she hadn't just taken the first one she happened to come across. She had looked through half the books in Giles' apartment before she thought she had even found the right category.  
  
Now she read the spell one last time, checking that she knew it more or less by heart before she moved to sit with her legs crossed instead.  
  
What she was attempting to do was something none of the others had the slightest clue of, not even Tara. And certainly not Giles. If he had known he wouldn't have let her do it, she was pretty sure of that. But she had to! She had to make sure, for all of their sake. For Buffy's sake. What Angel did to her... it almost destroyed her. And if Spike broke another piece off of her heart... Willow shuddered at the thought. What she had gone through with Oz was enough to spur her in her decision. She wanted to protect her friend, just this once. Buffy was so in love it seemed to take the ground away from under her feet and Willow just had to make sure it didn't come rushing back, tripping her.  
  
Spike... She couldn't trust him. She could like him for who he was now, for whom he had obviously become with Buffy, or whatever forgotten aspect of his being she had managed to wiggle forth. But Willow simply could not trust him.  
  
"Holy Goddess of the Earth," she began to chant. "Bless me with your sight; bless me with your wisdom. Holy Goddess of the Earth, mother of what was and what is to be, bless me with the knowledge of their future."  
  
As she said the last sentence she reached out either hand and touched a picture of Buffy and a T-shirt of Spike's, which he had left at the dorm once. She closed her eyes and reached out with everything in her, praying for a reply.  
  
And suddenly she heard Buffy's voice as clearly as though the owner was standing right beside her. Willow opened her eyes and looked around. Finding herself standing in the living room of Buffy's house.  
  
"...I just don't know what to tell her," Buffy finished and Spike reached out a hand to place it on one of her shoulders comfortingly.  
  
"You'll know when the time's right, love," he said gently and Willow watched Buffy's face slowly put on a smile before the front door suddenly opened and all three of them turned their heads that way.  
  
A young girl walked inside, her expression grim as she stopped and looked at Buffy.  
  
"Great," she muttered. "Thought up a billion other ways to make my life hell; have you?" she added and Buffy raised her eyebrows before the younger simply huffed and continued into the kitchen.  
  
Willow stared. What was going on here?  
  
"No, just the one," Buffy murmured as a reply to the obviously rhetorical question from the younger girl, and Spike shook his head a little.  
  
"You need to have a talk with her... Soon," he remarked and she sighed.  
  
"How do I tell her, Spike?"  
  
"She's still your sister, Buffy. No matter what you have to make her believe that, right?"  
  
Willow stared a bit more.  
  
Sister?  
  
"Of course," Buffy said to Spike's former inquiry before she suddenly looked weary. "I just don't know how."  
  
"Don't worry, cuteness... It'll come to you..."  
  
"...'when the time is right', yeah - you said," she cut in, then she smiled a brighter smile as she stepped into him and he held her to him. "What would I do without you?"  
  
"There's something you definitely needn't waste time frettin' over, pet," he smirked and she looked up at him. "I'm not going anywhere."  
  
Willow smiled a little. She was still profoundly confused by the sister bit - Buffy had never even mentioned siblings of any sort... in fact, Willow was pretty certain that the Slayer had always said she was an only child. But the redhead also knew she needn't dwell on details and when there was a light breeze about her as the scenery changed she simply rolled with it.  
  
Before her was what looked like a badly kept construction sight at the break of day.  
  
She felt such a harsh pang in her chest when she looked up and saw herself crying that she drew a sharp breath. Then she slowly looked around and saw Giles, Xander and Anya, even the sister-figure - all of them in the same state. She couldn't catch the reason until she turned around and saw Spike.  
  
He was cradling Buffy in his arms, his face buried in her blonde locks as his shoulders shook from the expression of his grief. Buffy's face was pale and motionless, yet so very untainted and tranquil. As though all she was doing was sleeping... But she wasn't. She was...  
  
"Oh, my God," Willow whispered, her chest jumbling into a tight bunch as she felt the need to cry as well, but couldn't. "Buffy."  
  
Buffy was dead.  
  
How? How could she be dead? And Spike... Oh, no. No. He looked so lost, so broken, so completely ripped apart as he pulled away to be able to gaze down at his beloved. Willow wanted to reach out to him, to soothe his pain somehow - even when she didn't know where to start with herself.  
  
"I love you," he whispered before gently kissing his Slayer for the last time. "I can never stop loving you... Don't leave me. Please... don't. Buffy!"  
  
And then the sister was by his side, doing what Willow had been unable to as she put her arms around him and cried against his back as she tried to calm him.  
  
Buffy.  
  
There was the sensation of flying as the scene once more changed, this time catching Willow off guard as she had thought the tour to be extremely over. Her heart leapt as she found herself at the foot of the stairs of the Summers residence, looking at Spike who had an expression of complete shock and absolute happiness and glimmering disbelief etched on his face, in his eyes.  
  
At first Willow didn't feel as though she fit the picture together, but then she moved her gaze to what had Spike so stricken and she almost took a step back as what she saw was Buffy - alive. Cautiously walking down the steps and then stopping, staring at Spike as though it was the first time she saw him; but Willow could still see it. That shiver of clear recognition in the others eyes. Still, it was so tentative, so unsure.  
  
Willow didn't even reflect over the fact that she knew what date it was, what time it was, and that it was more than certain that this was after the Slayer had actually been put into the ground. She also had the strangest feeling that she somehow played a part in the acts which had put Buffy back in the center of stage. All of mentioned things she simply knew and therefore found nothing strange about them.  
  
Spike had said something about a coffin, commenting some nasty cuts on Buffy's knuckles and he told... Dawn... to get something to clean the wounds with.  
  
The Slayer and the vamp moved into the living room and sat down facing each other. Buffy on the couch, Spike on the edge of the coffee table. He gently moved his hands to take hers as he kept eyecontact and Willow was utterly fascinated with the mixed emotions circling between them. The air was thick with tension and wonderment and surprise and...  
  
"How long was I gone?"  
  
Willow felt the need to cry again at the sound of her best friend's voice, but merely listened as Spike answered:  
  
"A hundred-and-forty-seven days yesterday... A hundred-and-forty-eight today... Only today doesn't count, does it?" He paused, watching her in stillness before adding: "How long was it for you?"  
  
Buffy rested her eyes in his still, not answering right away as she seemed to want to say something else. Then she replied:  
  
"Longer."  
  
The world spun around the Wicca so fast that she almost lost her balance and she was suddenly in an alley she couldn't at all place.  
  
"You never showed," Spike said and Buffy looked tired as she shook her head a little.  
  
There was a difference to her now than from before. She seemed stronger, more confident. It seemed some of her old self had slipped back in place. Willow felt oddly glad over this fact and wasn't quite sure why, only that it was a good thing to have Buffy be... Buffy. Now that very Buffy was looking at the vampire with an impatient expression in her eyes that felt almost weird as Willow had grown so accustomed over the past month seeing the two lovers so extremely sweet to one another. It had actually bordered on ridiculous at times.  
  
"I'm sorry, okay?" the Slayer said.  
  
"No, it's not," he stated.  
  
"Gonna let me pass?"  
  
"No," he replied firmly. "You can't keep running from me like this."  
  
"Oh, God! Know what? I don't feel like listening to another one of these lectures!"  
  
"Lectures?" he asked, clearly agitated, but also clearly hurt.  
  
"Yes! I'm sorry if you think I'm giving you the cold shoulder, but guess what - being dead does that to you. You just have to learn to deal with it, Spike. I am."  
  
"And all I want is to help..."  
  
"Don't you get it, dammit?! I don't want... I can't..." she trailed off as he had approached her and by the last word came to stand before her, looking down at her.  
  
"I know there's something that's scaring you, Buffy," he murmured. "The few kisses we've shared... I just don't understand what it is. I love you. More than ever, can't you see?"  
  
"Stop it!" she snapped, sidestepping him and continuing on her way. "You don't know me, Spike. No one does. Not anymore."  
  
"I do know you. Is THAT what terrifies you so much? That I might know you better than you know yourself right now?" he stopped her, reaching out a hand and grabbing her arm.  
  
She spun around so fast Willow had a hard time keeping up and in the next instant the Slayer's fist had connected with the vampire's chin. He let her arm go as he seemed to react out of reflex and hit her back so hard she took a step backward. She straightened herself, turning her head so that she could face him again, her eyes wide with questions and rage.  
  
"Don't bloody take it out on me, Slayer," he murmured, meeting her gaze defiantly. "This time I can give back whatever you bloody hand out. I'm not as toothless as you've thought, not anymore..."  
  
"It's a trick," she said in utter abhorrer as well as disbelief. "You did something to the chip. It's a trick."  
  
"It's not a trick. It's not me - it's you. JUST you, in fact... You came back a little less human than you were, didn't you? And that's what has you so sodding spooked!" he gritted through clenched jaws.  
  
"I'm warning you," she replied, voice as low and strained as his was.  
  
"Now, where have I heard that before?"  
  
"Don't push me, Spike."  
  
Willow felt like clamping her hands over her eyes as she could virtually feel the build up for one of their notorious fists-in-faces brewing dreadfully close to the surface now. But she was hypnotized. She had never seen them like this before, not really. And she had to admit that she thought she could sense why the attraction had been born out of the forbidden and shushed. How would they be able to resist each other when...?  
  
Her thought was ended as Buffy delivered the first punch. Spike seemed to hesitate, but then the now furious Slayer went into full-blown attack and he really had no choice but to counter. Buffy grabbed him by the collar and pushed him through a door, bringing them both inside a large building that could be nothing if not partially condemned.  
  
Willow hesitated. It seemed as though she actually had a choice this time. To follow or not to follow was the question. She moved one leg tryingly and when it took the intended step forward she paused again. Looking at the place where the two others had disappeared and feeling torn between performing what she felt would be an enormous invasion of privacy, and...  
  
Why was she questioning it? She had asked to see this.  
  
And in the next instant she had been transported to the room within the building which the Slayer and the Vamp were successfully demolishing.  
  
Spike had just been pushed off the Slayer roughly and she got up and threw herself over him, making him stumble backwards before falling to the floor with her on top of him.  
  
"This brings back memories," he murmured and she got herself propped up on her hands as she looked down at him.  
  
"No happy ones," she replied and his eyes softened noticeably before he remarked:  
  
"I can think of a few."  
  
"If you don't stop..."  
  
"What? You'll hit me some more? Do it, I don't care. Get it all out of your bloody system and once you're done maybe you'll look at me and SEE me, Buffy. I can take anything you do to me, except the silence I keep getting from you."  
  
"Yeah? Well, this isn't sharing hour and I didn't ask to know, did I?"  
  
She got off him and to her feet, he rose as well, observing her keenly as she shook her fall of blonde behind her shoulders and glared at him.  
  
"No, you sure didn't," he grumbled. "But I won't stop pushing you 'til I get some kinda reaction from you, pet."  
  
"My foot in your chest wasn't enough of a reaction for you?" she snapped and he smirked.  
  
She moved forward, but he was faster. He easily ducked away from her swing, grabbed her by the shoulders as he straightened himself up again, and then he tossed her backwards so that she landed hard on the steps of a staircase. He was on her before she could even catch her breath.  
  
"I wasn't planning on hurting you," he said and she hit him over the chin, fighting to get loose.  
  
"You haven't even come close to hurting me," she then hissed with her face put up an inch from his.  
  
"Afraid to give me the chance?" he inquired and she got him off of her with one last upheaval of strength, pushing him away from her as she rolled off the stairs and stood on the floor to face him. "And if you gave it to me, do you honestly bleeding believe I'd take it?" he added and her face was cut in stone as she stared back at him and then he said, with eyes suddenly glistening with tears: "When you died - I died."  
  
"Stop it," she demanded, taking a step back as he took one forward.  
  
"I love you."  
  
"God... don't."  
  
She had stopped moving now, merely glanced up at him wearily as he came to a slow stop before her.  
  
"I'm not her," she whispered. "You're right... You always are, aren't you? I'm different. I FEEL different. I'm not..."  
  
His fingertips slid over her cheek and she closed her eyes, barely shaking her head, though the movement was there.  
  
Time came to a clicking stop as he looked at her for a stretching minute, and then he moved his head forward, joining his lips with hers in a deep kiss and a small noise rose out of her throat before she wrapped her arms around his neck.  
  
Willow smiled a little at the sight, feeling bashful and yet privileged. To witness one of their defining hours was quite intense.  
  
An overwhelming rush poured through her, like chilled rainwater slipping inside her veins, and then she found herself standing in the kitchen of Revello Drive. She knew instantly that this was taking place a few months later and she felt a gush of worry as she listened to the words being exchanged. 


	53. Epilogue, End

*********************************TRAppED**********************************  
  
Chapter Fifty-Three: Epilogue, End  
  
By Annie  
  
Fin. 2003-08-27  
  
***************************************************************************  
  
"And what if I said I wasn't surprised?!" Buffy was screaming, Spike's eyes growing wide with rage before he retorted:  
  
"You said you trusted me, Slayer. I guess it's been too long for you to actually remember if you meant those bloody words or not, hasn't it?!"  
  
"I DID mean them!" she burst out.  
  
"But not anymore, right?"  
  
"What the hell do you expect? Everything Riley said about you turned out to be true, didn't it?!"  
  
"Perfect. Sodding splendid."  
  
"Don't go huffing at me like that, Spike! I saw the eggs with my own two eyes, you can't dismiss it."  
  
"No, I bloody can't, can I? And I'm not going to. But you're not listening to ME. I told you years ago that I'd given up that part of my life... remember?"  
  
"Yeah... I remember."  
  
He stared at her as she glared back, and then he shook his head in disbelief.  
  
"And you don't believe it anymore, do you?"  
  
She hesitated, then squared her shoulders and answered:  
  
"I can't see how I could."  
  
"So soldier boy swaggers back into your life for one day and whatever he says goes, yeah? You still love him..."  
  
"I barely had time to fall in love with him," Buffy cut him off, but Spike was looking close to disgusted and Willow knew that if she could see it, then Buffy most certainly could as well.  
  
"But you DID, didn't you?!" Spike yelled and Buffy's eyes grew before she took a step forward, her posture rigid and her voice trembling with emotion as she replied:  
  
"If you truly believe that... then you don't know me."  
  
"Maybe I don't," he agreed. "Hell, maybe I never did. The Buffy I once THOUGHT I knew wouldn't run straight into the sodding arms of an ex-lover without telling her current one! What were you afraid of? That I'd kick his lily ass for even looking at you, for presuming he could come back here and think..."  
  
"The whole jealousy bit's been done now, Spike. Drop it!" she shot and his mouth hung agape as he was stopped mid-sentence. "You're so unfair."  
  
"I'M unfair? What the bloody hell do you call what you're being then - completely and utterly understanding?"  
  
"What's to understand?!" she wondered, voice growing loud again. "You had demon eggs hidden in your crypt! They were hatching! They could have killed all of Sunnydale TONIGHT! I helped blow them up... it's all pretty basic isn't it? What else could there possibly be to get about this situation?"  
  
"I'm not operating as the Doctor again!"  
  
"If you ever stopped," she muttered under her breath and his eyes once more widened with disbelief.  
  
"So that's all it took to blow away what shred of faith you had in me, huh? I guess that show's just how much our love is worth."  
  
"It shows me exactly how much YOUR love for ME is worth, yeah," she nodded, her jaw set as she met his gaze firmly.  
  
"I have never lied to you," he stated, voice lowered. "But I guess it doesn't matter 'cause no matter what I do I'll never be enough... I'll never be good enough for you, will I?"  
  
She didn't answer, merely eyed him in tightening silence before he nodded and turned around. Walking up to the door he looked back at her before saying:  
  
"This... is over."  
  
He turned the knob and stepped outside. As he closed the door Willow turned her eyes on the Slayer who seemed to be frozen to the spot. She stood like that for such a long time Willow began to wonder if she'd gone into some sort of a shock, but then the Slayer's legs suddenly folded under her and she dropped to the floor.  
  
Willow tried to run up to her, but once again she found she couldn't move. She was merely there to bear witness.  
  
Buffy hid her face in her hands and began to cry.  
  
Willow looked to her right and was surprised to see the scenery had changed once more, this time without her having the slightest hint of it. She wasn't exactly sure where she was, but when she moved her head back to its original position she saw Buffy standing in the doorway of the room the former was in.  
  
"Spike?" Buffy said and Willow frowned, then turned her head to look at the vampire sitting huddled against the wall. "What is it?"  
  
"I shouldn't have... come back," he whispered. "I'm... sorry."  
  
"No," Buffy said gently, coming into the room she didn't stop until she could sink down against the wall beside him, resting her back against it in the manner he was. "Don't ever regret coming home."  
  
Spike moved his head and looked at her with such frailty in his eyes that the Wicca got the feeling Buffy's words would either heal or kill at this point. The Slayer seemed quite aware of this as well as she met the vampire's gaze tentatively.  
  
Willow was so sure that something had changed, something big, but she couldn't put her finger on it.  
  
"I wanted to be strong for you," Spike mumbled.  
  
"You were," Buffy said gently. "When you left... I can't... believe you did what you... did," she added, watching him as he rose to his feet and took a few steps forward before stopping and turning back to her. "Spike," she tried when he looked torn between wanting to hit something and needing to melt down completely.  
  
"I'm so bloody messed up!" he exclaimed and she quickly rose as well, coming up to him and making him remove his hands, which he had clenched before his eyes, and then she forced him to look at her.  
  
"So am I," she said softly, entwining their fingers as she brought his hands down to rest along his sides.  
  
"Buffy..." he mumbled as he closed his eyes and carefully leaned forward to put his forehead against hers.  
  
She closed her eyes as well, their bodies drawing nearer to each other without them having anything to do with it as they soon stood close together.  
  
"I missed you when you went away. I missed you so much," she said, voice lowered. "The fight we had..."  
  
"Shh," he interrupted gently, shaking his head.  
  
"No, you were right," she stated firmly, pulling away slightly as she opened her eyes to look up at him and he did the same, meeting her gaze. "I was shaken up and I took it out on us - on you. I should've listened to you, but... Seeing Riley made me realize how much I... Seeing him with his... wife... It made me..."  
  
"You don't have to explain," Spike once more stopped her, but she was determined and therefore drew a small breath before she said:  
  
"All of it made me understand exactly how much I needed you in my life and it made me feel ready to... To take one more step... I wanted us to be in the same house, I wanted you to truly be there all the time... And it freaked me out how much I wanted it 'cause every time I come close to having what I want - something happens that takes it away." She paused, then huffed. "Guess that time it was my own doing. And that has hurt more than anything else. I was so scared I'd never see you again."  
  
He wrapped his arms around her at that, pulling her hard to him.  
  
"No matter what happens I will ALWAYS find my way back to you," he said and she held onto him as tightly as he was her. "If I didn't love you I wouldn't be standing here like this... My memories are killing me - more."  
  
She smiled a little at that, then grew serious as the other aspect of what he had said hit her and she moved out of his arms to have his gaze in hers again.  
  
"Would you do something for me?" she asked quietly.  
  
"Anything," he assured and she nodded.  
  
"Say you forgive me."  
  
He stared at her, then replied:  
  
"I forgive you. But..."  
  
"I love you," she said, making him completely lose what he had been about to say. "And I can't be apart from you anymore... I can't stand to see you suffer like this," she then sobbed and he bent down and kissed her cautiously.  
  
She returned it tenderly before deepening it slowly.  
  
Willow looked away, feeling more than ever like an intruder.  
  
She had had an almost intuitive notion of why everything was the way it was. Spike must have, somehow, gotten his soul back. A thought that was so foreign to the Wicca that she simply couldn't grasp it even looking at the two lovers. And yet...  
  
"I promise you," Buffy said as they had ended the kiss and merely held each other. "I will never fail you again."  
  
"You NEVER failed me," he disagreed.  
  
"Yes. I did. When I saw my dependence of you as something bad, and my love as something threatening," she added and he frowned slightly.  
  
"Okay, maybe you kinda did, then," he consented and she had to laugh softly before looking up at him.  
  
"Never again."  
  
Willow sighed happily. So it all turned out for the best. In spite of the Powers clear wish to screw everything up for these two they still found each other in the end.  
  
I can go home and...  
  
She was missed only by an inch when a huge block of what could be nothing but rock landed right next to her. She jumped with a small cry of surprise and then she ran a few paces forward, getting another shock as she realized that she could move and then having to duck as sand and dirt fell from above her. She looked around, scoping the place she this time was in, and furrowed her brow as she came to the conclusion that it was a humungous cave.  
  
She turned around and saw Spike. He was glowing with what looked like fire from deep inside of him and Willow felt her heart catch in her throat as she saw Buffy sitting before him. Spike reached out a hand and Buffy's fingers entwined with his tightly, small flames dancing about it but the Slayer didn't even flinch as she rested her eyes in the vampire's.  
  
"Time to go, love," he said and she shook her head.  
  
"I made a promise and I intend to keep it," she replied.  
  
"Not a good time to dose me some of that stubbornness," he shot and she gave a faint smile before her eyes filled up with fresh tears. "But honor your promise then. Go."  
  
"You can't ask that of me," she stated. "You have no right to ask that of me."  
  
"You started this," he retorted. "It's up to me to finish it this time. The world needs you."  
  
"No, YOU need me. I need you... You can't leave me."  
  
"You don't get to choose when to leave. It's outta your hands, Slayer."  
  
"No!"  
  
"Buffy... I love you."  
  
"I love you too... Spike..."  
  
"Don't cry. And don't look back."  
  
"I can't..."  
  
"You can't have all the glory, love. Besides, I'm kinda curious to see how all this ends."  
  
"William..."  
  
"I can feel it, Buffy."  
  
The tears were falling now as she looked at him, at the expression of actual happiness on his features.  
  
"What can you feel?" she asked quietly and he fixed his gaze in hers before he replied:  
  
"...My soul."  
  
She smiled again, blinking at her tears as she seemed to come to a decision.  
  
"I'll love you all my life," she whispered before slowly letting his hand go as she moved backwards.  
  
Turning around she then ran out of the cave and Willow stared with her own eyes brimming with tears at the scene of the dying vampire.  
  
And then blackness.  
  
It enveloped her in both comfort and fear as she felt how she was floating through it in no real care of where it was taking her.  
  
There was a light ahead of her and she squinted before she realized that it was approaching rapidly. That she was falling towards it and that she was going to crash head first into it. She put her arms up and was about to scream when she felt a hand touch her shoulder and she looked up sharply.  
  
She was in another unfamiliar room, only this time her eyes fell on the completely shocked expression of Buffy as she stared at...  
  
"Spike?" Willow said, wondering exactly what the heck was going on now.  
  
But then she understood as Buffy said:  
  
"What is this - some kind of a sick joke?"  
  
Turning her head to a fourth body - Angel - who shook his head with a deeply apologetic look on his face.  
  
"Buffy..." Spike said and she looked as though she had been slapped in the face as she turned her gaze back in his.  
  
Then she merely put up her hands for him to stay quiet as she walked up to the doorway in which he was, pushed passed him and hurried out of sight.  
  
In the next moment Willow found herself standing in the bedroom where the Slayer had run off to. The latter was pacing wildly and didn't event take notice to Angel's slow appearance in the doorway. He leaned against the post and watched her for a few seconds before asking:  
  
"Are you upset?"  
  
She stopped at that, shooting him an enraged glare and he smiled a small smile before he entered, hands in pockets.  
  
"Who is that? Or WHAT is it?" she demanded and Angel observed her for another couple of seconds before he replied:  
  
"He was brought back, Buffy."  
  
"I don't know whether to laugh or cry," she murmured, a touch of sarcasm in her voice before she huffed. "Or scream at you or... It can't be true. That can't be Spike down there," she added, facing the window and gazing down at whatever was below it.  
  
"William," Angel said and she turned her head back to him. "We don't call him Spike anymore," he elaborated and she stared at him before shaking her head.  
  
"This is way too much for me to deal with right now. Was THIS why you wanted me to come to L.A.?"  
  
"No. We have a very serious situation on our hands here and I needed your expert opinion on..."  
  
"Enough," she cut him off. "Fine. So then - how long? How long have you been lying to me? How long has he been 'back'?"  
  
"Alive," Angel filled in and Buffy raised one eyebrow. "Buffy," Angel said, wiping the look off her features as he added: "Spike's human."  
  
"Willow!"  
  
She was torn so roughly from the place where she had gone that she lost her breath and fell backwards with her legs still crossed. One of the candles tilted over and spilled its whiteness to melt into the carpet.  
  
"Woah, there," Xander said, bending over her and looking at her through narrowed eyes. "You okay?"  
  
"Um... yeah," she nodded, sitting up and then getting to her feet abruptly as she looked around the room in order to find what she was searching for.  
  
A part of her was tugging to go back, to see what else was in store for the Slayer and her... human? No, the part wasn't tugging - it was pulling as hard as it could from pure curiosity. But the spell had been broken and Willow couldn't help but wonder if perhaps it had been meant that way. Coincidences rarely happened so conveniently, did they? She had seen what she had been supposed to see. She had seen enough, and thus the larger part of her was perfectly content with that.  
  
She finally stumbled over what it was she had been looking for, grabbing the pen and the notebook she had made sure to have out before she sat down to perform the spell. She now quickly scribbled down one single sentence.  
  
"What have you been doing, Will?" Xander inquired and she smiled dismissively.  
  
"You don't have to worry," she assured. "It worked."  
  
"Was it a dangerous... one?" he asked and she smiled wider, then she sighed.  
  
"Soon it won't matter."  
  
He frowned questioningly at that as she blew out the remaining candles and began to gather up her trinkets, shutting the heavy book as she looked up at him again.  
  
"Soon I'll have forgotten all about it. It's part of the deal, if you decide to do the spell."  
  
"Okay, lost and lonely un-witchy over here saying: huh?"  
  
She gave him a friendly slap on one arm for that comment as she put the book down on the bed and sat down beside it, patting it gently before she said:  
  
"It's not healthy, you know; to know too much about the future."  
  
"Future? You did a future spell?!"  
  
"Hey, un-witchy - chill," she replied and he made a face which had her laughing. "I got to know what I wanted to know."  
  
"And what was that?"  
  
She looked at him and then she smiled again.  
  
"That no matter what, love finds a way."  
  
He looked uncomprehending, but that was as far as she would go in the explanation department and soon he simply let the whole thing lie as they sat down in front of a healthy hour of knee-slaps and laughing fits. Supplied by the TV, of course.  
  
***  
  
The following morning.  
  
Willow stretched and sat up on the sofa bed. Looking over at Xander, who seemed to have a jolly good time on the hard mattress he had been gracious enough to take on as sleeping quarters for the night.  
  
She moved to the edge of the bed and got to her feet, yawning as she walked up to the stairs and stopping on the first step as her eyes landed on something placed neatly on the fifth.  
  
She blinked, picking up the notebook and reading the sentence written in her handwriting on the page opened. Then she smiled, putting the notebook down again before she continued upstairs.  
  
That sentence had given her all the comfort she would ever need and it read:  
  
...They will be fine.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************************  
  
Incredible! Unbelievable even. I'm actually done. It's so sad and so uplifting all at once. Sad to have it be over and uplifting because I got to finish it. It fills you with such a sense of victory when you put the final touch to a work that is all your own doing, you know? Well, not purely my own, of course, because without you - my darlings - and your support and encouragement I'm not sure I actually would have gotten this far... So, for the final time, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for all the love you've let flow through cyber space! It has meant so much, more than words could ever describe, and it's been so greatly appreciated!  
  
Some of you I may see now for the very last time - and some of you are old friends - and some I hope will stick around, but to all of you I still say: it has been, it is and will continue to be a true privilege to be part of the whole Spuffy clan. You guys are the best in this world and I can't imagine giving you up!  
  
Okay, so I will now try to divide my time the best I can so that I can get back into gear with the left completely hanging In the Dead of the Night. I have some things I need to tie up first though, but I will start it at the latest by October. I hope there is still some interest and I really do need to finish it for my own sake as well. I mean hey, now's when the action starts! ;) I'm sorry it took me so incredibly long, you guys, and again - do hope to see one or two of ya back there... :)  
  
Oh, and I just notices I spelled Bitty-Buffy wrong - it was due to lack of sleep and girl, I apologize. I'm upgrading that at the same time as I'm posting this. Which is now. ;)  
  
Now, very special and very warm thanks to:  
  
Maribel - me too! I really feel so strange saying good-bye to this story, but it's seeing you guys all the time that I'm gonna miss, you know? Really nice to hear you feel the same way and hey, thanks for riding along with me this far!  
  
Wolf116 - Okay, I get what you say about the epi of S6. I also really think that show has one of the cruelest scenes between Buffy and Spike when she comes to the crypt and asks him to tell her he loves her and then that he wants her simply because seeing Riley again has her so frickin' upset. That REALLY showed (though I was deep in denial at the time) that she truly had no feelings what so ever for Spike; or at least that she didn't for one moment believe in Spike's love. I mean, to use him in that way. That really made me so angry with her. And even more so since it was in the same context as the git Riley, that HE made her do that to poor, poor Spike. *shudders* Okay, so maybe that was kinda what you said too? I wasn't sure how to interpret what you wrote about the "Buffy tell her that he loved her and wanted her, then to go and throw that whole monkey wrench in that Spike was the guy that Riley was looking for...". Well, now you've read my thoughts on the matter. ;) Though I did scream with glee (almost anyways) when it turned out the boredom incarnate was married. All yummy fun. *heheh* Okay, so I would loooooove to write all the seasons just like this one. I really, really would. But I simply cannot indulge myself. And besides, I also really do want to finish In the Dead of the Night. But you know this lready, and you're just being so fabulously supportive and what I'm trying to say is thank you for the confidence! :) I do agree about the demon eggs and the getting money for her and everything. *nods* Hey, you can go on and on about anything regarding the Buffyrealm all day, okay? That's partially what the review board is for - at least the way I see it. ;) Thanks for sharing your thoughts, girl!  
  
Captain - oh, I can't tell you how much that totally warms me up and makes me all fuzzy inside! Truly! Thanks for that compliment, my friend. I will definitely read your story! That's a promise. And hope you had a good time on your vacation. Big travel, little travel? Hope you liked this ending!!! Thanks for these months, you've been fab! ;)  
  
Night - all I can do is bow my head in utter gratefulness and I truly hope this ending was as it should be. ;) Hope you enjoyed it and thank you, thank you for all your encouragement throughout! :)  
  
Taelyn - gosh, I'm drowning in compliments and it sure is the sweetest way to go. Thanks a lot! It's so, so nice to hear! I laughed when I read about the yelling and your brothers thinking you're totally nutso, that was really funny. *smiles* Well, THAT is really something. That I managed to compliment you back so well for complimenting me! No, I mean, seriously. That's really great! And hehe, I would love to see you on some more of my review boards, my friend! ;) Well, you did get two chapters. Hope that was to your liking. :) Hehe, don't waste napkins on nerves, girl! ;) Hope this was worth the wait and thank you, thank you for wonderful encouragement! :)  
  
LizDarcy - hey, girl! Here's my reply for 49: I'm so happy you enjoyed it, and especially the dinner between mother, daughter and vamp since I really wanted to get that right. Lovely! And for 50: Well, I do hope you got the explanation you needed, but we'll get to that. Oh, I'm so pleased you liked the Xander Buffy interaction and the whole Jesse deal. That feels very good to read! And here's reading your comments on 51: *smiles* Oh, girl, I don't wanna feel like I'm abandoning my wonderful readers but that's really how I feel. I'm gonna miss reading your thoughts, believe me!!! Hehe, got your answer for the Hawaii thing in the previous chapter, didn't ya? ;) You have been with me through this whole thing, girl, and I can never repay you for it. I can merely tell you that your love and your faith in me and this story has not gone by unnoticed and I really wanna just hug you hard for it! Thank you for all your great, great comments and all your compliments. They have meant a lot to me! It's been great hearing from you! And yes, you're right, the caps letters have varied a bit. ;)  
  
Mel - that is so totally the sweetest thing! Thank you so much! Gosh, I'm totally floating over here, I've had so many nice comments! Well, thank you time and again for yours! :) Being able to communicate with you all is one of the best trips and perks of the whole posting bit and I couldn't give it up for anything (but the occasional crisis in time...) ;) Hey, you're not the only one who adore Spike! ;) I love that character to death, too. I mean, jeez. Where are all those guys? Okay, so he's a killer and yadayada but underneath so much more. Isn't that what the allure is? It's almost cliché how a bad boy can get you going, isn't it? You wanna be the one to tame him the way Buffy does Spike. Goodness gracious. *wink* I'm so happy to read that you like the Buffy and Spike interaction "in all formats", that's really great! Thanks sooooo much for everything! Gonna miss reading your feedback and encouragement, girl!  
  
Carol - hey you! Okay, I'm very confused here. Sorry. But there's two reviews, both saying Carol on them, both being for chapter 51 and seemingly having nothing to do with each other. But you're not supposed to have the same name anymore on this site, are you? And you're also not supposed to be able to review twice. So I have no idea if I'm dealing with two seperate Carol's here or... I'm just gonna assume that I'm not. I mean, I've only noticed one - you - before now... Okay, so Carol, thanks a lot for your comments. I'm happy you didn't want one last brawl between the two 'cause I wasn't apt to deliver one. *wink* Yes, me third - let's all go to Hawaii, shall we? *smile* I am SO happy that you think it's been worth making this journey with me. All your support and great comments have helped along the way, you really must know that! Thank you! You honestly brought me to tears when I read this 'cause that thank you was so amazingly nice. Thank YOU, truly and deeply, for everything you have given me in return! *huge hug*  
  
Leanne - well, what can I say? I'm more than glad that you still like it, girl! And about the Buffy, I'm so happy that you think that. That was a very great compliment on my writing and I'm jumping in my seat from it! Thank you for all of these uplifting, joy-bringing treats you've sent my way right from the start! It's been wonderful to have you be part of this, and have you wanna be part of it. Thank you, from the most honest corner of my being! ;) Luv ya!  
  
thechosen - I know, I know. But I'm not in the State's and so I haven't had access to it, which royally sucks, I might add. *lol* You honestly made me laugh with the "I'm going back to the basement" comment. It's been so great to read what you've thought of this piece. I am going to miss you, all of you. Thank you for everything!  
  
Earthenskyz - happy you enjoy! And the bathroom thing - all I can say is that I chose to leave that part out of the whole thing. I mean, they did, somehow. I really don't know exactly how, but somehow. They never really go to the bathroom on the show either, do they? I mean, perhaps they don't actually need to. *very sarcastic* Hhehe. Hope you shall come to like the continuing chapters just as much if not more! Thanks for dropping those lines, very nice!  
  
Sheila - I am very glad to read that, girl! And the second comment helps elevate my self-confidence a bit since you then have "experience". ;) Thanks a lot!  
  
Miserymistmenthe - just have to say that that's one of the most curious making names I've come across. What does it stand for? I mean, I can tell it's made up of four words, but why did you put them together like that? Is it from something else, like a comic or a movie or a series or just you? Had to ask! And thank you for that lovely, lovely compliment. Wow, really? This is your first Spuffy fic? Well, I'm honored then! I mean, I remember the first I ever read to this day. That is SO nice of you to say that it's one of a kind, I mean, thank you for that, really! Hehe, I hope that short passage with Buffy and Spike on the Isle of... sand and stuff, was to your liking! ;) Thanks a lot for sending me your thoughts! Very appreciated!  
  
Now - to every single one who has ever read this story and told me in one way or another here's a special shout out - GREAT HUGE BIG THANKS TO  
  
Heather, crunchberry, knoxed, Emmylou, wolf116, VampiresKiss, Merete, skybound, LILI, wendy, Lady Icon Draco, MindOverMatter, Mel, LizDarcy, Haley, RoseWilliams, Pine, Spuffygirl, Charlie, Belladonna, Spikes-gal787, jen, Renee', Luna, Captain, SpikeyZebra, Reader, Falcon-Rider, ravanna, Rachel, Randy Bly, Hannah, charisma1525, Cate, sarah, Weeza, Chasity, Lucy, shadowschild, hmmm..., Ape18, Night, Kamla, mamadd, Tesschess, learyl, Shan- suedluvsbitch, Anne, Juliya, joni, oleanderrose, Xio, Faith, Shippy, Andi, InfoGal, Ark, Annette, TheRealiz, Taz, Callie, Jenikyula, Shaelune, Mary, Vanessa, Von, Dees, Carol, Sailor of Fire, Pin, thechosen, CaiteeM, Jade2099, Phyllis, Kate, Kat, Liz, Julia, waterdevil, vuks, ello, B_a_d, Jen, Penmom, JEN, gattaca, spikesevilsoul, Crystal, Lord of Pillows, joesarah97, Coquine, TeenWitch, b&s4ever, Hazel, tricia, libraflyter, anon, Princepessa, dolally, c_fleurbleue, Spikes Girl 4-ever!, Jay-D, Callie (ahstaran@), Abby, WiccanPrincess, Mer, Katrinas, Bitty-Buffy, Leanne, Amanda, dusty273, Faith C, EnchantedDreamer, Kitiara de Astaroth, maribel, Dreamzone, dark Raven, misus_Spike, AngelFlyer, Katalina, spikesgilmore, donotsrock, RougeCrayon, etoile, Blood-for-Love, Keleven, ilpopi, Meg, FiFiMash, Taelyn, Earthenskyz, Sheila and Miserymistmenthe.  
  
And I also wanna thank all of you above who have taken the time to send emails, they were always appreciated! To those who are not mentioned above, thank you so much to  
  
EricaDiaz, Elisa, Yvonne, Keeper, Andrea, Joe, Meggie and scrub1966 - you have not gone by unnoticed!  
  
It's been a terrific, wonderful, exhilirating ride and I'm so privileged to have taken it with all of you! To those who voted for me to win the SpuffyAward with TRAppED - a special shout out to you! Thanks for taking the time and I truly felt like a winner for being nominated! To those who replied with such feeling when I was freaking out about the Buffy finale, I can't say how much your calming words helped or how much they meant. Thanks a lot, you guys!  
  
I detest that it's over, but this time it really is.  
  
Take care of yourselves and I hope I'll see you around. Forever thank you for making this story something I will never forget writing.  
  
All My Love,  
  
Annie.  
  
"Tale as old as time, true as it can be, barely even friends, then somebody bends - unexpectedly. Just a little change, small to say the least, both a little scared, neither one prepared - Beauty and the Beast. Ever just the same. Ever a surprise. Ever as before, ever just as sure, as the sun will rise. Tale as old as time, tune as old as song; bittersweet and strange, finding you can't change - learning you were wrong. Certain as the sun, rising in the east; tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme - Beaty and the Beast."  
  
Now, which one is the Beaty and which one is the Beast is completely up to you. ;) 


End file.
